


Kuebiko

by SapphireSmoke



Series: Toujours Pur [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Anorexia, Blackmail, Blow Jobs, Borderline Personality Disorder, Cheating, Child Death, Codependency, Double Penetration, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Femslash, Het, Homophobia, Involuntary Manslaughter, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Murder, Pregnancy, Romance, Secret Relationship, Sex Magic, Sibling Incest, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 15:50:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 37
Words: 331,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4631097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireSmoke/pseuds/SapphireSmoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>KUEBIKO</b> n. <i>a state of exhaustion inspired by acts of senseless violence, which force you to revise your image of what can happen in this world—mending the fences of your expectations, weeding out all unwelcome and invasive truths, cultivating the perennial good that’s buried under the surface, and propping yourself up like an old scarecrow, who’s bursting at the seams but powerless to do anything but stand there and watch.</i></p><p>The sequel to "Amphierotic Bloodlines".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I. Autumn, 1973

**Author's Note:**

> **Beta:** [BellaRei713](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/641948/BellaRei713)  
>  **Sequel To:** “[Amphierotic Bloodlines](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4028710/chapters/9058381)”  
>  **Dedicated To:** My beautiful girlfriend Aly, who I wouldn’t even be with if not for her obsessive internet stalking of me because of Bloodlines, haha. I love you, babe.  
>  **A/N:** So I might be three years late in writing this sequel, but better late than never right? Lol. Honestly though, I am very sorry for how long it took me to begin writing this story, and I hope in the end it ends up being worth it. On the plus side however, these chapters are easily twice the size of the ones in Bloodlines, so you’ll have much more to read each update this time around!

  


**CHAPTER I  
Autumn, 1973**  


Narcissa Malfoy had always craved control.

Brutally stripped from her sense of self as a child, Narcissa grew up always having felt as though she were someone’s property. She wasn’t a person; she was a name. In the end, she was nothing more than what she could offer her family, and should she ever try to be more than such, compliance was viciously beaten into her by her mother’s hand. Perfection was not a variable, and after both of her sisters turned out to be bitter disappointments, Narcissa was the only thing Druella had left; the last chance that she had to get it _right._

And she got it so very, very wrong.

_Ugly, fat, shameful._ Even years later Narcissa could hear her mother’s words echo in the back of her mind, each accusation shredding her self-esteem until it lay tattered in ribbons at her feet, destroyed beyond recognition or repair. The reflection that used to stare back at her was empty; hollow and lifeless, and now Narcissa felt as though she couldn’t even recognize herself as her fuller face told a story of recovery that her mind still did not feel.

“Narcissa?”

The blonde tore her gaze away from her reflection in the window’s glass, turning to look at the man in the large armchair in the southern most corner of the room. “I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized, realizing that her mind had wandered. “What was it that you were saying?”

The Soul Mender, a middle-aged man by the name of Broderick Selwyn, peered over the rim of his glasses as he reiterated, “We were speaking of your mother. You believe that was where your problems with food originated?”

“She was where _all_ my problems originated,” Narcissa corrected him, because it was far more than just her desire to starve herself into some deluded ideal of perfection and control. Her mother absolutely destroyed any hope of her ever growing up well-adjusted, giving her a victim complex that left her constantly looking for someone to save her. 

“Such as your dependency on your eldest sister?”

Narcissa’s head snapped towards him then, her compliance to these sessions drastically waning at the unexpected accusation. “Who told you that?” she demanded, voice beginning to fill with fury. She wasn’t here to ‘fix’ her love for Bellatrix. “My husband? My _brother-in-law?_ I never gave you permission to speak to them about my progress, so unless you wish for me to strip you of your license to practice as well as your bloody reputation, I _suggest_ that you—!”

“Narcissa, no one is going behind your back,” Mender Selwyn interrupted calmly, not allowing Narcissa’s threats to get underneath his skin. “Your husband expressed his concerns during your intake; your previous Mender didn’t mention it?”

“I wouldn’t speak to her,” Narcissa told him, as though he should have realized; why else did he think he got this job? It was solely due to his lineage, nothing more. “And frankly I find it atrocious that someone not only thought it appropriate to give me some filthy _mudblood_ as a Soul Mender, but that it took nearly three weeks to get a replacement for that hag. Is your administration not aware of exactly how much money my husband is donating to this wretched hole? I should be treated with the highest priority, yet instead I’m barely—!”

“You seem awfully entitled for someone who claims their self-esteem is in tatters,” Mender Selwyn mentioned, causing Narcissa’s eyes to flash in warning. _Entitled…_ did he honestly not realize who he was speaking to? “Is asserting yourself above others your way of trying to remind yourself that you matter?”

“I am a _Malfoy;_ of course I bloody matter!”

“You’re more than your name, Narcissa.”

Narcissa’s fury choked in her throat then, brutally reminded of why this had all begun. At a sudden loss for words, Narcissa just stood there, feeling her stomach twist into painful knots in the pit of her abdomen as flashes of her mother screaming, “You are a _Black!_ ” played in the back of her mind, remembering exactly how it felt when the skin on her back tore and blood ran down her spine. And so when Mender Selwyn asked if she would like to sit down now, Narcissa felt herself plop into the chair opposite him without a word, practically in a daze.

“What are you remembering?” Mender Selwyn asked, his tone gentle so as to not startle her.

But it wasn’t just one thing, they all bled together; years of abuse and torment and, “Your hair is your only selling point, you foolish waste, have you no _sense?_ ” as tiny hands wrapped around bigger ones with, “I’m not gonna move, I promise, Bella. She’s not gonna hurt you, I’m not gonna move,” before suddenly there was a kick to her gut, wand all but forgotten as Druella took out her rage of Andromeda’s absence on her like some filthy muggle. 

_“That stupid_ sod… _” the angel breathed, fingertips touching the contour of her cheek. “What has she done to you?”_

“Narcissa?”

Narcissa wrenched herself out of her overlapping memories, gaze connecting with the man across from her. “Everything,” she responded after a long moment, the word cracking in her throat from the strain. “…I remember everything.”

The man kept himself silent though, waiting for her to elaborate.

She didn’t want to do this; she didn’t want to spill her family’s secrets, it’s _shame_ to a perfect stranger. These sessions were mandatory in her recovery program however, the Healers stressing the importance of addressing the underlying issue that caused her eating disorder in the first place. And it wasn’t as though Narcissa was trying to fight against getting better, because she knew that she could no longer torture herself in this way, but it was ingrained in her head as a child that what happened within their walls, stayed within their walls. It wouldn’t do to have shame attached to their family name now, would it?

In the end though, Lucius and she were paying this hospital an _ungodly_ amount of money for discretion. It gave her some leeway for comfort, but not much.

“I was abused as a child,” she finally told him, keeping it fairly nonspecific. “Mentally, emotionally… physically.” One could also make a case for sexually, but Narcissa would never put such a foul label on her relationship with her sister. Despite her young age at the time that it started, she still considered it consensual. “It ended when I was fourteen with my parents’ death. They perished in a house fire.”

That her sister had set to conceal the evidence of what she had done to them, but no matter.

“Does it upset you?” Mender Selwyn asked curiously. “Their death?”

“No.”

It was spoken without hesitation or thought, as it wasn’t even in question. Maybe once she had mourned the loss of an ideal, a life she would never have with parents who loved her and a sense of normalcy that she would never touch, but those foolish wishes died along with her childhood. Her father was uncaring, and her mother was cruel. They had deserved their fate.

“Does it concern you then, that you have yet to move on from the anguish they caused you?”

Narcissa’s gaze, which had been firmly locked on her hands as she idly played with her fingers as she spoke, snapped back up to meet his. She was silent for a long moment, a little concerned that this man seemed able to read her so well. “…Yes,” she finally admitted. “It was three years ago; it shouldn’t matter now. I’m safe.”

“Do you feel safe?”

No.

But it wasn’t due to her parents. Her love for both her sister and husband damned her in the Dark Lord’s eyes, labeling her as a distraction and a weakness. She had spent the last year of her life terrified and learning Occlumency in order to hide the truth from him, and every day she lived in fear that he would eradicate her from their lives to allow Bellatrix and Lucius better focus. In the end though, what truly kept her safe might not be that at all, but the fact that she had promised him something she had yet to deliver on. Which served as little comfort, as Narcissa dreaded the coming of that day with every fiber of her being. 

“What does this even matter?” she snapped, not wishing to discuss this any longer. “Whether or not I feel safe has no bearing on anything; it wasn’t why I stopped eating, and in case you’ve forgotten, that’s the only goddamn reason that I am _here!_ ”

“Then why did you stop eating?” Mender Selwyn asked, and his calm attitude towards it all just enraged Narcissa as she shook her head and shouted at him like he was a sodding idiot for not putting two and two together. 

“Because I was told every bloody day that I was a _cow!_ ” she exclaimed loudly. “Worthless; a bucket of lard that had no hope of ever finding a proper husband. And when I finally ceased being those things, I was no longer punished for it! I finally had some sodding control over what happened to me, I finally had one small _shred_ of approval from my mother, which for some disastrously screwed up reason, a part of me actually craved!”

“But your mother has been dead for three years,” the man reminded her. “If your mother was the only reason you did it, then why did you continue after her passing?”

That made Narcissa falter. “I…” She swallowed, averting her gaze. “I don’t know.”

“You do know.”

Narcissa shot him a scathing look. “You seem to know all the answers,” she shot back. “Why don’t you enlighten _me?_ ”

Mender Selwyn shifted in his seat, gently pressing his fingertips together as he looked at her. “From my understanding, a fair amount of eating disorders stem from a lack of control in one’s life. As you mentioned finally having control over what happened to you, I’m inclined to believe this is the case with you as well. Do you believe I’m wrong?”

Narcissa set her jaw, irritated by his assessment; although only because she knew it was entirely correct. She had said the same thing to Bellatrix once, that it was the only blooming thing she had control over in her life. Everything else may fall to shambles around her but _this…_ this was hers. If she could achieve nothing else in life, perhaps she could at least achieve perfection. It was such a stupid, childish thought, and Narcissa hated that she had sunk so deep in it. It had become habitual, honestly; a way to deal with the stress in her life, and yet instead it had caused her to fall to pieces on more than one occasion. 

“…No,” she eventually admitted. Narcissa hated telling him that he was right, but she was here to get better; the time for childish defensiveness was over, at least in regards to her disorder. “I had never had control over any aspect of my life before, save that; in the end, that was probably why I became so immersed in it.”

The man nodded, looking down at his clipboard as he scribbled something in the margin of the paper. As he wrote, he mentioned, “The Healers tell me that you’ve gained half a stone since your arrival here. How does that make you feel?”

_Fat._ “Fine.” _Failure._ “I’m here to recover, aren’t I?”

“Just because you want to recover, doesn’t mean your disordered thoughts will disappear overnight,” Mender Selwyn responded, as if he knew what she was thinking. He glanced down at Narcissa’s wrist then, looking at her ring and thumb wrapped around it. “You’re measuring yourself. Do you find that you’ve been doing that often since you came here?”

Narcissa let go of herself like she had been burned. It was so unconscious on her part she hadn’t even realized she had been doing it. But she used to be able to touch her pinky to her thumb, and she no longer could do that. It seemed a part of her was obsessing over it. “I don’t… I don’t know,” she admitted, because she hadn’t been doing it purposely. 

“Well try to make yourself more aware of it,” the Mender suggested, and Narcissa pursed her lips and nodded; she understood that if she wished to get better, then she needed to follow his guidance, “and I will ask you again about it next week.”

He scribbled something else down on his clipboard then before he looked up at her and said, “Let’s talk about your sister—”

“No.”

Bellatrix was not a part of this. She was not part of the _problem._

“Your husband expressed some concerns; you’re not interested in addressing them?” Mender Selwyn asked, brow rising slightly. “You’re very quick to define yourself by his name, for not seeming to respect the care he has for your recovery.”

Narcissa just stared at him for a long moment. “What is this, reverse psychology?” she spat, furious with how the man had just worded that. “I love my husband, but Bellatrix isn’t the reason I stopped eating and therefore has no place in _any_ of our discussions, no matter what Lucius seems to think.”

“And what do you think he thinks?”

“The same thing he always bloody thinks!” Narcissa shouted without thought, too furious with Lucius for bringing something like this up _again._ She thought they were past this. Did she not do as he said; had she not stayed away from her, only seeing her for Occlumency lessons and holidays? Why was he still _pushing_ this? “He thinks I’m too attached; that the horror in our childhood made us emotionally dependent on one another. But he doesn’t have siblings, so how the bloody hell would _he_ know about how I should go about ‘properly’ loving her?! There is nothing _wrong_ with my relationship with my sister!”

The words were out before she could stop them, but when she realized that she had allowed the stupid man to trick her into discussing the topic, she shut down and snapped, “I’m not discussing this; it’s completely _irrelevant._ ”

“You’re awfully defensive about her.”

“Well I wouldn’t have to be if everyone just left it well enough alone, now would I?!”

But he didn’t leave it alone. No one sodding did. “What do you think it is about your relationship with your sister that causes your husband to believe you’re too attached to her?” he asked, and Narcissa fumed.

_Probably the fact that I fuck her._ But she would never say that out loud. Regardless, she doubted Lucius knew the true extent of it. He had had his suspicions once, as did Rodolphus, but Bellatrix’s husband was probably far closer to accepting that conclusion than her own husband, and as of yet he didn’t have the stones to accuse them out loud of such a thing. In the end, she doubted either of them wanted to know the truth.

It was far less messy to ignore it, to try to separate them with bullshit excuses and feigned care for their emotional wellbeing, when the truth of it was that neither of them wanted to bear the shame of having chosen wives with such a dark, shameful secret. Rodolphus it would disgust, but Lucius it would destroy. Unlike her sister and her husband, she and Lucius did not have a loveless marriage, and he already competed with Bellatrix enough as it was. 

And while divorces may be uncommon in pureblood society, as it brought shame to both people involved, Narcissa wasn’t entirely certain that Lucius wouldn’t leave her over it. So she lied; what other choice did she have? At the end of the day, all she had was her place in this world, and the truth was not worth losing that over. She had worked too hard to secure this life for herself to just throw it away.

“Are you deaf or just thick in the head?” Narcissa snapped. “I said I wasn’t going to discuss this any longer, and if you keep pushing the matter then I will make sure that I am the _last_ patient you ever have. I am here to recover from my eating disorder, that is _all!_ ”

The Soul Mender tried to explain that everything was interconnected, as Bellatrix was around for the abuse she suffered as a child that inevitably drove her to starve herself, but Narcissa was having none of it. She was so furious with Lucius for even bringing this up in the first place, that two days later when he visited her again, he was greeted with a slap to the face.

“…I take it things are not going well?” he asked sardonically as he shut the door behind him, giving them some privacy in the room that had been Narcissa’s home for the last month. She glared at him.

“How _dare_ you,” she seethed. “I thought we were past this thing with Bellatrix, and yet I find out you went behind my back during my intake and spoke of things that aren’t even _relevant_ to the reason I’m here?! Stop spreading our business around, Lucius; it doesn’t look good for us!”

“I’ve paid for their silence,” Lucius defended, looking at her like she should know better than to accuse him of being careless with their family’s indiscretions. “And it wasn’t as though you left me with much choice; you might be here for your anorexia, Narcissa, but that is not your only problem. Bellatrix told me that you had stopped going to your appointments with the Soul Mender I arranged for you to see last year—”

“And you _believed_ her?!” she shouted, because it was easier to lie. God, she was going to kill her. Was bloody everyone ganging up on her lately? “And even if she _was_ telling you the truth, this is how you repay her honesty? By throwing my relationship with her under the bus? If she told you that, Lucius, it was because she wanted me to get help for what our parents did to me, _not_ for my relationship with _her!_ ”

“Well it’s all connected, isn’t it?!” Lucius defended, and Narcissa just threw up her hands, shaking her head as her eyes began to well up with tears. Sometimes she felt so utterly helpless when it came to this topic. She didn’t know how to make it end.

“I don’t _understand_ you,” she shot back, her voice hitching in her throat. “I did what you asked, didn’t I? I distanced myself, I went to that blasted Soul Mender, I _tried_ to have what I guess you consider to be a normal relationship with her, but it isn’t enough, is it? What do you _want_ , Lucius? Do you want me not to love her anymore?! Because she is my _sister,_ she is the only family I have _left—_ ”

She began to cry then, and Lucius’ face crumpled as he tried to approach her. “No, Narcissa, I don’t—I’m not trying to rob you of the last of your family, alright? I know you’ve been trying; I just wanted the Soul Mender to address it because I know you’ve struggled with being apart from her, when you both used to spend nearly every waking moment together. I’m not trying to devalue what progress you’ve made, I swear to you I’m _not._ ”

He wrapped her in his arms then, and Narcissa instinctively laid her cheek against his chest, the wetness upon her cheeks staining his white button down shirt. “This is hard enough as it is,” she breathed, another tear leaking from the corner of her eye and falling down the contour of her jaw. “Short of cutting Bellatrix from my life, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to make you okay with my relationship with her. What on earth do you think I _do_ with her that’s so terrible…?”

It was such a dangerous question, and Lucius sucked in a sharp breath at the sound of it. He suspected, Narcissa knew he did somewhere in the back of his mind, but after the fit she had thrown the last time he implied something inappropriate was going on between them, she knew Lucius would never dare to say such a thing again. He didn’t want to lose her, should he really be wrong about it, and unless he saw it with his own two eyes, he would always doubt his suspicions. 

Therefore, it didn’t surprise her when Lucius kissed her gently on the forehead and responded in a rather defeated breath, “…Nothing. I’m sorry; I know you’re going through enough right now. I’ll leave it alone for a while, I promise. Just please focus on getting better, that’s all I ask.”

Narcissa wanted to tell him that leaving it for ‘a while’ wasn’t good enough, that she needed this to end, but she was afraid of pushing the issue too far. In the end, perhaps this would always be a problem between them both, and she needed to accept that Lucius would never be comfortable with her relationship with Bellatrix. The most she could do now was just make sure he never found out the truth of how deep it ran.

Two months into her stay at St. Mungo’s was when her sister finally came to visit. “Where have you _been?_ ” Narcissa demanded once the woman was in her room and they had a sense of privacy, feeling so immensely betrayed by the fact that she hadn’t seen her in so long. Didn’t she realize that a large part of the reason she was even here was for _her?_

Bellatrix had told her once that they couldn’t be together until she recovered from her anorexia, and while Narcissa threw that back in her face by continuing to starve herself, when she finally realized that she needed to stop this behavior, it wasn’t solely because she was afraid she’d drive herself mad if she stayed this way; she also needed her. She needed her sister back in her life, in the way that they had always been. She needed her touch, her love, her acceptance.

“Where do you think?” Bellatrix countered, practically slamming the door in her wake due to her immense irritation over the situation. “I am so fucking _sick_ of being told what’s right and proper. You’re my bleeding sister, and honestly I think it looks worse that I haven’t come since you’ve been here; like we’re _trying_ to hide something.”

“Rodolphus wouldn’t let you come?” Narcissa asked, although she should have known. If he and Lucius got their way, they would probably never see one another again. “Why do you _listen_ to him, Bella?”

“Because he makes me bloody paranoid!” Bellatrix exclaimed, like she should already know the answer to that question. She crossed the room towards her then, a sense of fear and foreboding in her eyes as she told her, “He keeps reminding me of what happened to the woman that Nott loved and it fucking _paralyzes_ me, Cissy; I can’t have that happen to you!”

“But it’s _over,_ ” Narcissa tried, although she knew it not to be true. She just couldn’t stand the thought of having this be her life now; all she wanted was Bellatrix, all the time. She couldn’t bear it if all she ever got was her sister in small doses. “I blocked him out; he couldn’t see the truth about us. We got away with it, so why—?”

“It’ll never be over, love,” Bellatrix told her regrettably, clasping their hands together as she encouraged Narcissa to look into her eyes, to understand that she didn’t want this to be the way of things either, but that she couldn’t change it for her. “I don’t know,” she breathed in defeat, sounding a little frustrated as she gently rested her forehead against Narcissa’s, causing the blonde’s eyes to softly flutter closed from the intimate position. “Maybe in a few years, when you’ve mastered Occlumency enough to shut out an attack you’re unprepared for, we can see each other more often. But until then…”

An overwhelming sadness rose up from the pit of Narcissa’s stomach then, causing her esophagus to clench as she opened her eyes to look down at the floor in saddened disbelief. “But you told me that if I got better we could be together…” she whispered sadly, suddenly feeling so very small and fragile as her eyes began to well up with emotion, and her sister’s hands squeezed her own.

“We can. We _will,_ ” Bellatrix promised, her words fierce and passionate as she cupped her cheek possessively, causing Narcissa to look up at her as a singular tear rolled down her skin. Just the sight of it looked as though it stirred something in Bellatrix, when there once was a time that she had been so uncaring about her tears. 

“Stop it, you know I fucking hate when you do that,” she demanded softly, her thumb impatiently wiping away the wetness that had resided on the blonde’s cheek. It sounded more aggressive than sympathetic, but that was Bellatrix for you. Besides, the tone didn’t last. 

“I know this is shit,” she continued after a moment’s pause, voice much gentler this time around as she looked at Narcissa with an expression the blonde had a difficult time deciphering. It was something new, something… a little more honest. It caused Bellatrix to seem a little unsure of her next words. “I know everything is shit, but I swear to you I’ll… I don’t know, make every bleeding moment that we have together special, alright? Like something out of those crap movies you always insist on watching.” 

And it was obvious Bellatrix had no idea what she was doing, how to properly express herself in this way when kindness and sympathy and love-filled declarations were not her forte, but she tried nonetheless as she finally got it right and finished with a more sincere sounding, “I won’t leave you to feel unloved and abandoned, Cissy; I promise you. Not anymore.”

God, it wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that her sister was finally trying to treat her _right,_ and yet because of situations beyond their control she could barely experience it. Narcissa had waited so long for things to be okay between them; she suffered through her sister’s madness, her addiction, her guilt, and yet when Bellatrix finally got better, when she finally realized that despite this thing between them having been born from abuse and a fear of loneliness, it had turned into something completely genuine and beautiful and _real_ , Narcissa could barely be around her to enjoy it. Bellatrix had always looked at her like she was something precious; something to be savored and hoarded and kept away from all others because she was _hers_ , but never before had she seen such care and devotion behind her sister’s eyes when she looked at her. It took Narcissa’s breath away.

“I love you so much,” Narcissa breathed, her voice tinged with sadness and desperation as she slid her arms around her sister’s neck, pulling her closer to her. Their breasts touched through the fabric of their robes, and Narcissa could feel her sister inhale a deep breath at the snug fit of their bodies. “Bella, I love you so much and I can’t bear this anymore, I can’t—!”

Soft lips felt a connection then, but it was only brief as Bellatrix turned her head and grasped Narcissa’s wrists, quickly forcing her arms back down to her side. “Cissy, we can’t do this here,” she hissed in her ear, stilling her completely against her. Her body was tense, as though she were either angry or afraid that she had dared to do that. Perhaps both. “We—”

“We’re unmonitored.”

Bellatrix’s eyes caught hers.

“I’m not a danger to myself,” Narcissa told her, needing her to understand that she would have never done that if she thought they would be caught. “I’m allowed my privacy. The only time I’m watched is when I eat, so no one can see us, Bella. We’re alone.”

Bellatrix wet her dry lips, briefly glancing down at Narcissa’s. “Rodolphus is here,” she revealed, sounding loathed to admit that she had allowed him to practically babysit her. “In the waiting room. If I take too long, he may come looking for me.”

“How long do you have?”

“I don’t know.”

Narcissa swallowed, catching her sister’s gaze as she gently reached up to touch her face. “I just miss you…” she whispered, needing Bellatrix to understand that this separation between them was killing her. “I haven’t seen you since my wedding; that was nearly three months ago and I can’t—I _can’t_ go that long again, Bella; you have to understand—”

“I do,” Bellatrix assured her, gently removing her sister’s hand from her cheek before she hesitated for a moment, briefly glancing down before she seemed to decide on a show of emotion, and softly pressed her lips against the blonde’s knuckles. It was so intimate; so unexpected and _caring_ that it nearly made Narcissa burst into tears again. “I _do,_ Cissy; and I swear to you, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure it’s never that long again. But you have to do something for me, okay? Do you promise me?” 

Narcissa nodded without thought, as she would always do whatever it was that Bellatrix needed of her, especially with the way she was acting right now. “You need to get _better,_ ” she continued, wrapping the blonde’s hand tightly in her own. “You need to get out of here, yeah? Then if nothing else, we can continue to see each other during your Occlumency lessons, because Lucius and I are already in agreement that they should continue.”

The way Narcissa was looking at her seemed to allow Bellatrix a little more confidence in her newfound experiment in emotional expression, and suddenly there was no more hesitation behind her words as her tone became a little more passionate and she strongly told her, leaving no room for question or dispute, “I will _always_ find a way to you, Narcissa; there’s nothing in the bloody world that could stop me from that.”

The fierce promise behind her sister’s words caused Narcissa to get emotional again, and as she blinked another tear fell from her eye. It was almost as though this were too good to be true, how Bellatrix was acting with her, despite her having already seen the signs of things changing between them months before this. 

Still, it was obvious that her sister was suddenly trying so much harder this time around, and Narcissa couldn’t bear to let it go unacknowledged; unappreciated. She remembered telling Bellatrix a few days before her wedding that she’d barely scratched the surface of normal human emotions, let alone that she was anywhere _near_ the realm of the ‘touchy-feely bullshit’ that Narcissa craved their relationship to have, but with the things her sister had been saying to her and the way she was looking at her now, she suddenly seemed so much closer.

“You’re different,” Narcissa breathed, almost in awe of it as she caught her sister’s gaze. Because this wasn’t a natural progression by any means; this was Bellatrix actually going out of her way to try, to really fucking _try_ this time, and that was something that her sister, who was constantly self-involved, would never normally be bothered to do. 

Bellatrix smirked softly. “That your way of saying I’m not acting like a ‘scathing cunt’ for once?” Her fingers unwrapped from the blonde’s then, touching Narcissa’s cheek again as she wiped the drop of wetness from her skin. “I think that may have been your favorite thing to call me; was thinking about getting it tattooed on my arse a while back.”

“I’m sure you still make other people miserable,” Narcissa responded, her lips quirking in amusement to mirror her sister’s. But she got serious again, her gaze taking in every inch of her sister’s face as she tried to figure out what had changed. “But you seem less… selfish.”

“Only to you. Everyone else can suck my left tit if they honestly expect me to give a sod about what they want.”

Narcissa’s eyes searched hers for a moment, the pause between them lengthy. “What changed?” she asked, her voice soft and curious, because she hadn’t been expecting this. She knew her sister loved her and that she was trying to be better for her, but she hadn’t expected Bellatrix to ever expel this much effort over it. Not once had her sister made this visit about her, and everything used to _always_ be about her; even when Bellatrix claimed she lived and breathed only for Narcissa, in the end, it had been about _Bellatrix’s_ love for her, not about _her._ But this… this was. This was entirely about Narcissa, and the girl didn’t know how to take that.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know,” Bellatrix responded, suddenly sounding a little defensive of the choices she had made in regards to their relationship. Perhaps Narcissa shouldn’t have shone a spotlight on it, but she didn’t want Bellatrix to think she was ungrateful for her effort. Regardless, her sister still told her the truth as she finished, as though the answer should have been obvious, “I found out the truth, Narcissa; _that’s_ what changed.” 

The veritaserum; the only way that Bellatrix apparently could ever believe that Narcissa truly loved her. 

Ever since the Dark Lord had returned her sanity, she had been having doubts about whether or not what they were doing was right; if what they were doing with one another was actually real, or just some kind of disastrous coping mechanism to deal with the abuse of their childhood. But it _was_ real, Bellatrix knew that now, but regardless, she had also known that for nearly a year now, and she hadn’t been acting this way before. It had gotten better yes, but it wasn’t like _this._

“Is it because I’m married now?” Narcissa asked softly, looking up at her. It was the only thing that made sense for such a dramatic shift, when she had been expecting this kind of behavior to come gradually. “Are you afraid that if you don’t treat me right, you’re going to lose me?”

Bellatrix’s eyes flashed. “I would _never_ let that waste take you away from me—!”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Narcissa agreed softly, her fingers trailing gently down her sister’s arms before she allowed their fingers to tangle together again, pulling her a little closer as she looked into her eyes, knowing the difference. “But you’d let me walk away.” 

Bellatrix steeled her jaw and said nothing, but that was okay, because Narcissa already knew. 

“With the madness gone, you’ve been seeing me differently, seeing our relationship differently,” Narcissa told her. “It’s why you felt guilty; why you felt you had to walk away in order to realize the true value of what you gave up. You finally grew to care for me, and you didn’t want me to be involved in something that could be toxic to my well-being.”

Bellatrix lightly rolled her eyes at that, downplaying the intensity of Narcissa’s assessment as she defended herself with, “I’ve _always_ cared for you, Cissy; don’t make it seem like—”

“Not like this,” Narcissa responded softly, gently squeezing her sister’s hands in her own to try to combat the woman’s innate defensiveness. “Never like this. You possessed me, Bella; you didn’t take care of me. But you… you _do_ now, you’re trying to and I—” Her breathing hitched in her throat, emotion in her voice despite making a great effort not to cry again. “I love you for that, more than you could ever _possibly_ know. I love that you’d let me walk away from you, even if I never believe I will; it proves you care for me, rather than just the love that I can _give_ to you.”

Bellatrix took a shuddered inhale of breath, looking a little defeated by her sister’s words; by Narcissa’s acceptance and need of this side of her, as it no doubt would have been easier for Bellatrix if she was able to revert back to this uncaring, unsympathetic human being. She exhaled the breath she seemed to have been holding then, gently resting her forehead against the blonde’s before a long pause followed.

“I can’t have you leave me, Cissy,” she finally admitted, seemingly loathed to admit that Narcissa was right, yet expressing the truth of her feelings all the same. “I can’t. You’re the only thing worth anything to me, and you’re finally trying to be—to be fucking _normal_ and healthy and shit, and I can’t screw it up. I don’t want you to crave the pain I gave you anymore; I can’t make you fall apart again. I’m so fucking _sick_ of breaking everything that I touch, and you’ve always been the most fragile thing in my life.”

While Narcissa wasn’t fond of being considered ‘fragile’, she knew that wasn’t the point; in the end, the only thing that mattered right then was the fact that Bellatrix was finally putting _her_ first. Beyond that, nothing else mattered.

“You know I’ll always immerse myself in anything you give me, Bellatrix…” Narcissa breathed, needing her to understand the depth of her love for her. “I became a masochist to feed your sadism, and I know it’s screwed up but I’d do it all again. I’ll always be anything you need from me, Bella, but… but _thank you,_ ” she expressed, reaching up to brush a fallen piece of hair from her sister’s eyes, “for finally trying to be what _I_ need.”

“I have to,” Bellatrix whispered, looking down at her like she was the only thing she could ever see in this world. “I have to bloody try for once, even though I know I’ll fuck it up eventually; even though I know it’ll all go to shit because of who I am, I need you to know that I—”

“I know,” Narcissa told her fiercely, passionately; knowing just as well that it was doubtful things would ever stay this way between them, as there wasn’t a guarantee that Bellatrix’s sanity would stay with her. But for now, she appreciated her trying more than anything else, and she wanted to immerse herself in that feeling; savor it, remember it, because she knew Bellatrix was doing this because she loved her. “Bella, I know…”

She cupped her face then, their lips meeting in an emotional kiss that stole the breath from Narcissa’s lungs as Bellatrix grasped for her. Her back hit the far wall and she released a loud gasp that was swallowed by her sister’s tongue as Bellatrix sought to drink up all that she was, despite having known for so long that she had always existed for her alone. “I’ve missed you,” Bellatrix admitted through heated kisses, her breathing labored and heavy against her skin. “You’re all I ever bloody think about, Cissy…”

Narcissa exhaled a long moan as Bellatrix’s mouth wrapped around the base of her neck, her fingers fisting in tight curls as she allowed her eyes to fall closed. “Make love to me, Bella; _please…_ ” she begged, her body aching to be closer to the one person who was part of her soul. The last time they were together was over a year ago, when they had nearly torn down a house with their passion, and while Lucius kept her sated, it just wasn’t the same. She needed _her._

“Your door doesn’t lock—”

“I don’t _care._ ”

“Don’t be reckless, Cissy,” Bellatrix hissed in her ear, her voice causing a violent shiver to run down the blonde’s spine as she grasped for her. Bellatrix had always been her rock amongst a sea of chaos, even if most of that chaos originated from her alone. “All I bloody want to do is undress you right now, but I don’t know how long I have. If Rodolphus comes looking for us…”

“Bella, please,” Narcissa breathed, the words being etched across her sister’s skin as her fingertips trailed down the curvature of her jaw, coaxing Bellatrix to look at her. She knew she sounded desperate, but she needed something positive in her life right now; she needed to feel loved, needed, desired, for that’s what made her feel stronger. She needed to be strong in here, for both of them, so she could leave this place and they could be together forever. 

“It’s been too long since you’ve touched me,” Narcissa whispered across her lips, her teeth gently biting the soft flesh of her bottom one before she continued, catching her gaze once more, “It’s been too long since you’ve felt how wet I get for you; how badly I’m begging for you to be inside me…”

“Jesus fucking— _fuck,_ ” Bellatrix swore as she banged her forehead against the blonde’s in defeat, causing a slow smirk to etch itself across Narcissa’s face; she knew exactly what that would do to her. And maybe it was reckless, maybe it was foolish, but she didn’t know when the next time she would see Bellatrix would be, and she would be _damned_ if she let her walk away without giving her something to hold on to first.

“Fuck, _fine_ , just—” Bellatrix tried, turning briefly around to glance worriedly at the closed doors behind them before she spun Narcissa around, causing _her_ back to be the one towards the door now as she wrapped her in an embrace. “Pretend you’re hugging me, yeah? Don’t make it obvious; this way I can watch the door and we’ve got a reason we’re this close to each other if someone bursts in on us.”

And maybe it wasn’t the most romantic thing in the world, and could probably never be filed under the blanket term of ‘making love’ when at most what would transpire between them would be a quick screw up against the hospital wall, but Narcissa took what she could get anyway as she wrapped her arms around her neck and held her sister flush to her body.

Her robes bunched at the front as Bellatrix slipped her hand beneath them, causing Narcissa to groan against the skin of her sister’s neck as she felt fingers slip beneath her knickers, quickly becoming greeted by soft, warm flesh as she parted the girl’s folds. Fingernails scraped against the nape of the brunette’s neck as only a singular finger explored her depths, Bellatrix apparently content on driving her to bloody madness when she was already gushing from the mere sight of her. 

But then it was gone, stolen from her so quickly that Narcissa whined in protest, only to have that sound be ripped from her in surprise as she was suddenly encouraged backwards a full step. Bellatrix held up her hand in offering, her middle finger slick with arousal and Narcissa wasted no time bringing it into her mouth, causing Bellatrix’s wicked smirk to falter as her eyes blackened in lust and her breathing shallowed at just the sight of Narcissa’s purposefully erotic showing of her tongue.

“I thought you didn’t want us to make it obvious,” she breathed against her skin, her lips covering her sister’s palm, the inside of her wrist. She sounded like she was poking fun at her (which she was, just a little) and Bellatrix ripped her hand away from her mouth, only to have it fist in Narcissa’s robes as she forcefully pulled the girl back towards her.

“You fuck me up, Cissy,” Bellatrix told her breathlessly, and it would almost sound like an accusation if she didn’t sound as though she enjoyed every second of it. “And all I want right now is to fuck you into the sodding ground; make you scream and curse and claw and _beg_ for me not to stop…” Narcissa’s insides clenched violently at those words, her own hands fisting in the fabric of her sister’s robes as she groaned desperately. “But we… we just fucking can’t.” It sounded regrettable, almost angry, as if Bellatrix blamed the world for not allowing her to have what she wanted so desperately. “That shit I just did was stupid, but I sodding miss it, miss _you_. But if we get caught—”

“I know,” Narcissa whispered, her lips just mere inches from her sister’s before she looked at her regrettably, and nestled her head back into the crook of her neck and threw her arms around her once more. “I’ll be good, I promise; I won’t make a sound.”

Bellatrix pressed her lips to her ear then as her hand got lost beneath her sister’s robes once more, promising her in a low breath, “When you get out of here, I promise I’ll fuck you properly; with a bed of bloody fucking rose petals or whatever that romantic shit you get off on is, alright? I’ll take care of you, Cissy; I swear to it. Make you come twelve times and then make you beg to come twelve more…”

“I know,” Narcissa whispered, her fingers curling into her sister’s hair as she felt her sister put pressure on her clit. She had to purse her lips in order to not make a sound, but when she believed she could handle it she allowed herself to repeat, “I know, Bella; I know…” against the crook of her sister’s neck, her breathing uneven and ragged as Bellatrix sought to pull pleasure from her center and gasps from her lips. 

Because she did know; Narcissa _did_ know that Bellatrix was trying now to make her happy, to make her feel content and loved and needed. And perhaps in the end it was still selfish of her, as Narcissa doubted Bellatrix could handle the thought of being without her, but it didn’t matter. Narcissa would take what she could get, and this was so much sodding better than what she had been allotted before.

It didn’t take long. She gasped and shuddered as she came against her sister’s fingers, her whole body shaking with the force of her orgasm as she sunk her nails into Bellatrix’s shoulders and her teeth into her neck to keep herself quiet. And there was a moment, one singular bleeding moment where it seemed everything might be alright, but it shattered when she heard the door to her room being wrenched open.

“Bellatrix!” Rodolphus snapped, causing fear to choke in Narcissa’s throat as she didn’t dare move from her sister’s embrace. “ _What the bloody hell did I tell you?_ ”

Bellatrix though, to her credit, didn’t falter. She just looked at her husband over her sister’s shoulder, holding Narcissa closer to her body as she shot back, “What, I can’t hold my bleeding sister as she cries now?!” And thankfully, Narcissa had enough sense to pretend as though she was exhaling a sob, thankful that Rodolphus couldn’t see her flushed cheeks and parted lips as her back was firmly faced towards him. 

Bellatrix cradled the back of her head then, shouting at her husband, “Piss off; it’s your sodding fault that I wasn’t here for her before now. She’s having a shit time and I’m trying to help her, so do us a favor and give us some fucking space for one bloody second.”

Narcissa couldn’t see the look on his face, but she was certain it wasn’t good. Silence stretched on as they stared at one another, a battle of wills before Rodolphus apparently broke and snapped, “You have five minutes,” as he practically slammed the door in his wake. Narcissa felt like she was going to collapse as her sister pulled away from her.

“Bella, I’m—I’m so sorry; I shouldn’t have made you—!”

“Shh, hey; it’s fine,” Bellatrix assured her, grasping her sister’s face in her hands to try to make her calm down, because Narcissa looked as though she were about five seconds from breaking completely. She had been so foolish; selfish and reckless and she shouldn’t have been. “He’s a wank who doesn’t know his head from his arse; he doesn’t know what we were doing.”

“Are you sure?” Narcissa asked softly, her voice suddenly so very small and childlike as she looked up at her eldest sister. She didn’t want to be the cause of her life falling to pieces. Not now, not for something like this; not when they had finally had a chance of being happy. She couldn’t bear to see that ripped away from them so soon.

“The git thought we cast _muffliato_ in your bedroom just so we could sodding torture each other for kicks, Cissy; he’s as daft as a bloody lamp post.” 

Narcissa pursed her lips, but said nothing. A part of her feared Rodolphus only accused them of _that_ because it was easier to say out loud than what they were really doing; safer, in the long run, to accuse them of being sadistic towards one another rather than incestuous. He knew Bellatrix would flay him alive if he ever accused her of such heinous things and was wrong; she might flay him alive if he did solely because he was _right._

Still…

“What did he mean then, when he said ‘what did he tell you’?” Because it sounded to her like he already knew and had said something to her, and that prospect caused rocks to inhabit the pit of her stomach as she feared he would tell Lucius.

But Bellatrix just rolled her eyes, brushing it off with a wave of her hand. “He told me I needed to stop _fawning_ all over you; whatever the hell that means.”

“…It means he thinks you give me too much affection.” 

Which, in the end, didn’t sound good either. And perhaps it was ridiculous, how frightened this thing with Rodolphus made her because Narcissa knew that on some level he already suspected, but she desperately needed to keep it at just that, a suspicion, because the moment it became truth would be the moment everything fell apart.

“Screw him; not my bloody fault he can’t be arsed to hug his own brother every once in a while.”

Narcissa pursed her lips again though, worry etching across her features and catching Bellatrix’s attention. “Hey,” she tried, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry about him, yeah? You know that if he ever finds out that I’ll make his death look like a horrible accident. Lucius will never know.”

“I know,” Narcissa whispered softly, because she was more than aware of the death her sister was willing to cause in order to protect her. Roxanne was her first victim, their parents her last. If Rodolphus continued to pry, Narcissa had no doubt he would meet an untimely end as well, but she didn’t _want_ that. She just wanted everyone to leave her alone.

But Bellatrix just pulled her into a side-hug, kissing her forehead. “I gotta go; if I keep doddling Rodolphus is gonna end up birthing a bloody cow in the middle of the waiting room.” She released her then, and their gaze caught as Narcissa looked up at her and Bellatrix tangled her sister’s fingers in her own. “But I’ll be back, okay? So just… eat; talk to the fucking shrinks, whatever you gotta do to get better, yeah? I want you out of here.”

Narcissa nodded, silently promising to do whatever she could to expedite the process. She didn’t want to be in here anymore either; she wanted to be home, with Bellatrix, making love atop that bed of rose petals that she promised her, even though she had no idea how they would ever be able to get that kind of time alone. But it didn’t matter; in the end she knew they would make it work, because this was the first time either of them were really willing to _try_ to find happiness within each other, rather than an obsessive dependence on the love and pain that they craved. And Narcissa prayed, silently, to any God that would listen, that this time things would finally work out for them.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem the Gods answered the prayers of sinners.

**TBC…**


	2. II. Winter, 1974

**CHAPTER II  
Winter, 1974**

Narcissa’s eighteenth birthday came and went.

The young blonde stared out the window of St. Mungo’s reception in the midst of an early January storm, patiently awaiting her discharge from the program. It had been four months since she had checked in, and nearly a stone and a half later she was finally deemed to be within a healthy weight range for her height. She felt uncomfortable in her body, in her robes that were now just a little too tight against her fuller breasts and wider hips, but she tried to ignore it as she watched the snow fall gently outside of the window.

She was better now, and she refused to spiral into her disordered way of thinking just because she was the biggest she had ever been in her life. Still, Narcissa knew that logically no one would ever consider her fat at the weight that she was now; her BMI was still a smidge under twenty, but when she lived most of her life under seventeen, it still made her feel rather large in comparison. 

Perhaps she would never be fully comfortable in her own body though, and perhaps she would always be fighting the voice in the back of her mind that demanded her to be smaller; to be so small that she would eventually disappear into nothing, because that was what she was worth. But so long as she could focus on the things that made her happy in life, maybe she would never again have to struggle with giving in to those demands. That was the hope, anyhow.

She doubted it would be easy though.

“Mrs. Malfoy?” a cheerful woman’s voice from reception called out, causing Narcissa to turn towards her. “You’re all set; you just have to sign here.” She slid a piece of paper across the desk, and Narcissa straightened her spine before she walked over to her, doing as she was requested.

_Narcissa Malfoy._ It was only the second time she had ever written that, the first being when she had arrived here, and just the sight of the name made her smile softly. It made her feel different; stronger, as she distanced herself from her past as a Black, as a child, as a victim. Things had changed now, and Narcissa resolved to change along with them; she was a woman now, a wife, and one of the richest socialites in Britain, and she wasn’t going to allow the world to rip her to shreds any longer. She was better than that; she had to be.

Narcissa picked up her bags as she turned to leave, wondering why Lucius wasn’t here to pick her up yet. It was in her nature to feel dejected and abandoned by that, but she also knew it was likely that he was merely held up at work. Perhaps she should just go home on her own; see him when he got back. She didn’t want to be in this hospital a moment longer than she had to be.

But just as she exited reception to head towards the elevators, the doors opened across the way and there stood her sister. Narcissa stared at her for a long moment before finally her grip slackened and she dropped her bags, her pace quickening until she was wrapped up in an embrace she hadn’t felt in nearly two months. 

“Bella,” she breathed, unable to believe that she was really here. After not seeing her for so long, she was sure Rodolphus was filling her head with all sorts of things to keep her away. Her fingers fisted in the fabric of her sister’s robes as she held her to her, not much caring who saw her embrace her sister, or how ‘improper’ it was for a woman of her status to show such emotion in public. “I can’t believe it’s you.”

“I told you I’d come back,” Bellatrix responded softly, the words being spoken around a smile before she withdrew from her sister’s arms, placing her hands on Narcissa’s biceps as she took in her appearance. “You look good, Cissy. A fuller figure suits you; although your tits look like they’re about to pop the clasp on your robes.”

Narcissa flushed, embarrassed by both the compliment and observation, but mostly because of where it was said. “Shh,” she hissed, pushing her sister’s arm a bit despite the fact that Bellatrix had said it softly, and she was sure no one had really heard. “Don’t talk about things like that in public, you perv.”

Bellatrix’s lips upturned into a smirk, leaning in just enough for her to still be a respectable distance away, yet close enough so that no one else would hear what was meant only for her. “What are you; a cup and a half bigger now? I can’t _wait_ to play with those…”

“—Shut it!” Narcissa shoved her shoulder again, her face turning so red that she had to turn it away from the throngs of bustling people going in and out of this wing of the hospital. Bellatrix chuckled at the reaction she provoked, moving past her sister to pick up the bags she had dropped. 

After she had gotten ahold of herself though, Narcissa wrapped her arms around herself and asked as she turned, “Lucius let you come instead of him? I’m surprised.”

Bellatrix snorted, like that was the most amusing thing she had ever heard. “No. You really think either my husband _or_ yours would allow me to do this? Please.” Narcissa’s brow rose in surprise and disbelief then, and Bellatrix responded as she carried her bags past her, towards the elevator, “Oh, don’t give me that look; you know you’re happy it was me who came.”

“I… I am,” Narcissa assured her, stuttering a moment before her brain caught up to the situation and she shuffled along after her sister, only barely making it into the elevator before the doors closed behind them. “I just…” but she hesitated for a moment, very much aware that they were not alone in the small space, and therefore kept details to a minimum, “am concerned that he may come for me, only to find that I’m not there any longer. Surely that would cause more trouble than it was worth.”

“It probably would, if you were actually supposed to get out today.”

Narcissa blinked, and the elevator beeped, indicating the arrival at the ground floor. “…What?” But Bellatrix didn’t answer her; instead she shoved right past the other occupants in the elevator, making people scowl and mutter underneath their breaths at the entitled audacity of purebloods. Narcissa ignored them however, grasping onto her sister’s robes to try to make her slow down. “Bella!”

But Bellatrix just turned around, completely ignoring everything she had just said to her as she abruptly asked, “How’s your French?”

“I—what?” Narcissa asked, momentarily taken off guard. Bellatrix just looked at her expectantly though, and the only thing Narcissa could think to say was, “Meilleur que le tien.” 

Bellatrix just looked at her blankly though and Narcissa exhaled an exasperated sigh. “I said, ‘better than yours’; which is evident. How do you remember _nothing_ of what we were taught when we were children?”

The House of Black, with its banner of _Toujours Pur_ , had always had deep ties to the French, despite the fact that most of the family now resided in Great Britain. Their mother had forced French learning on them though as small children, practically raising them as bilingual. However, their lessons ended once they learned enough to be competent in it, which for Narcissa was around seven or eight years old, and she was so terribly out of practice. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had _spoken_ French, but apparently it hadn’t been as long for her as it had been for Bellatrix.

“I try to disregard everything mother taught me; save the bloody alphabet and how to wash my arse,” Bellatrix responded, which was a gross exaggeration of course, but Narcissa understood why her sister felt that way. “Hold on,” she told her then, the demand abrupt as she took her sister’s hand her own, and Narcissa barely had a chance to comprehend what was going on before her feet were ripped from the ground and the world was spinning below her.

She landed with a hard lurch, her stomach practically lodging itself in her throat. Narcissa was about two seconds away from yelling at Bellatrix about how shit she was at side-along Apparition, when she glanced up and realized where exactly they were. 

Her knees buckled.

“Whoa, hey,” Bellatrix tried, dropping Narcissa’s bags in order to catch her before she hit the ground. “Shit, I know I’m rubbish at side-along, but I didn’t think you’d nearly faint. Although I guess that’s still better than what I did to your original Soulbinder.” She smirked, remembering the memory; apparently splinching someone amused her.

But it wasn’t Bellatrix’s lack of skill in that area; it was where they were. Nearly four years ago she stood in this very room for her fourteenth birthday, and the memory of it hit her so abruptly that she felt as though she could no longer hold her own weight. It wasn’t a particularly happy one, after all, and Narcissa didn’t know how to feel about Bellatrix bringing her back to this place. She couldn’t understand if it was meant to be a kindness or a cruelty, and that rattled her.

“Bella,” Narcissa breathed, holding on to her sister as she tried to stand on her own two feet. “What are we doing here…?”

“…Oh,” Bellatrix responded, realizing Narcissa hadn’t almost toppled over from the trip, but from the destination. Suddenly she looked a little flustered, bordering almost on defensive as she helped Narcissa to her feet. “Look, I know this was—this was absolute _shit_ last time, and if you don’t want to be here we don’t have to, but I just wanted to try to make it up to you; make Paris a _good_ memory for you, since you always wanted to go here and I screwed that up so royally the last time around.”

“Figured it was something any decent lover would do, at any rate,” she continued, shrugging to try to downplay the massive gesture that seemed to rob Narcissa of breath. “If I fucked it up though…” And with the way Bellatrix had been trying to act lately, Narcissa had expected something along the lines of, ‘tell me and I’ll fix it,’ but instead she got, “Well, honestly screw you for not appreciating it; least I tried, and that should count for something here.”

And honestly, while Narcissa knew she should have been annoyed with the instant reversion to how her sister used to speak to her, there was something comforting in the fact that no matter how many romantic gestures Bellatrix extended to her, some things would never change. 

Narcissa swallowed though, seemingly in a daze as she untangled herself from her sister, slowly making her way to the far window. She stared out it, confronted with the very same view she had when she was about three inches shorter and two stones lighter; and the surrealness of this moment took her aback. She never expected to come here again, assuming she would always associate Paris with the painful memory of her childhood, and therefore would prefer to go anywhere but here. 

Bellatrix approached her from behind, and a light touch to her waist caused Narcissa to remember she owed her sister a reaction to all of this. “I…” she tried, but no response followed. “I don’t know how to feel right now,” she finally admitted, her voice soft and almost child-like as Bellatrix’s arms slid around her waist, a chin being placed on her shoulder.

“We can leave. Go to sodding Italy, or something. I don’t care.”

But Narcissa shook her head, looking back out the window once more. “I don’t think I want to.” Because this gesture did mean quite a lot to her; Bellatrix trying to make up for the birthday that she stole from her was something she prayed her sister would try to do when she was younger, but to no avail. And while her eighteenth had passed nearly a month prior to this, Bellatrix hadn’t been around for it, and this could very well be considered a late birthday gift in and of itself. It both touched her and worried her simultaneously, as there was a part of Narcissa who feared it would turn out exactly as the last one had.

Minus Bellatrix’s bout of madness of course; but still, should _he_ call her, she would have to leave her again. That part would unfortunately never change no matter how old they were, or _where_ they were in the world.

“This time, we can do all the boring little things you wanted to do,” Bellatrix said with a tiny smirk, her arms tightening around her waist as she held her against her form as she gently poked fun at her interests. “Go to museums, see the Eiffel Tower… whatever other touristy rubbish you can come up with, okay? No sex clubs this trip, I promise.”

The corners of Narcissa’s lips gently quirked upwards as she shook her head, remembering where her sister had brought her the last time they were here. “God, that place was _vile,_ Bellatrix.”

“Please. Not my fault you’re a giant prude.”

“I am _not,_ ” Narcissa defended, gently shoving her sister off of her for a moment before she turned to face her. Her bottom lip momentarily getting trapped between her teeth, she looked at Bellatrix before softly expressing her gratitude for being here with, “…Thank you.” Even with how her sister had been acting towards her lately, she would have never expected this. Apparently, Bellatrix was just full of surprises.

Still, Narcissa had so many more questions than she did answers in that moment. “I was supposed to get out tomorrow though, wasn’t I?” She had originally thought that, but when she was told she was leaving today she assumed she had just gotten the date wrong. The days all tended to bleed together in that place anyway.

“I sent an owl; told them you had a family emergency and needed to be discharged a day early,” Bellatrix explained, like she assumed Narcissa had known that. “They didn’t say anything to you?” Narcissa shook her head and Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Incompetent pricks; surprised they know their head from their arse most days. You’d think that’d be something they would mention.”

You would think.

Maybe someone assumed someone else told her though, and somewhere along the line communication was lost. They did seem fairly busy today. Regardless, not as though it mattered in the long run, considering her ‘family emergency’ seemed to consist of Bellatrix finally wanting to take her on a proper date. It was hard to be mad about that. Still…

“Shit,” Narcissa breathed, realizing something. Her eyes found her sister’s then, and she mentioned, “Bella, our husbands are going to go bloody _mental._ ” Because Bellatrix hadn’t asked to do this; that much was blatantly obvious. She just took what she wanted without question, although it wasn’t as though that was unlike her in any way. 

“Sod them,” Bellatrix dismissed, completely uncaring about the backlash they might receive for pulling a stunt like this. “Besides, I’ll get you home tomorrow before Lucius tries to pick you up; no one has to know that we came here.”

“He’s still going to be angry.” Because there was no way Lucius would ever approve of Bellatrix going behind his back like that to pick up his own _wife._

Bellatrix looked at her like she had to be daft for thinking she cared about that. “I don’t answer to Lucius Malfoy, Cissy. Pretty fucking far from it, actually.”

No, perhaps she didn’t. Regardless… “And _your_ husband?” Because Narcissa doubted he would be pleased about this either.

Bellatrix shrugged, like it was no matter. “He thinks I’m off screwing my girlfriend tonight, which,” she smirked then, “he wouldn’t be wrong about. He’s not expecting me home until tomorrow. And you know, even if he did find out, then fuck him, honestly; I’m sick of him telling me what’s right and what’s proper when I think it’s completely fucking justifiable that I take my own bleeding sister out for a late birthday present. His way just makes everything between us look more suspicious; Rodolphus has seen Rabastan at least _twice_ as many times as I’ve seen you in the past two years, and they’re not even that sodding close.”

This expression crossed her sister’s face then that Narcissa had trouble deciphering; something that lay somewhere between angry and upset and tired, and as she took the blonde’s hands in her own she reiterated, “Two years, Cissy. Two bloody _fucking_ years of this shit, and I’m done with it. I don’t care what they say anymore. I’m seeing you at least twice a sodding month whether they like it or not; I’m through being told what to do. You’re mine and I’m damn well claiming that!”

Narcissa’s eyes softened at that, her heart skipping a beat within her chest as that was all she ever wanted. Not just for her to see Bellatrix more often, but for her sister to push for it; to tell the world to screw themselves because what they had with one another was more important than anything else. Twice a month still wasn’t much, not when before their separation they saw one another every single day, but they had two separate lives now; lived in two separate houses with two separate husbands and perhaps that really was the best they could do, given the circumstances. But it was enough; it was so much better than two or three times a _year,_ and so Narcissa would never spit on a compromise like that.

Still… “What about the Dark Lord?” Narcissa asked softly, because that was still a factor. While Voldemort may know precisely what their relationship used to be, Narcissa had also planted the memory of the night they had broken up once he tried to break into her mind again. Should he find out that she lied to him, that they were still together in this way, then her life would no doubt be forfeit after she bore her first child.

Because in the end, she was sure he would want to collect on her debt first. God, the thought made her want to render herself infertile.

Bellatrix didn’t answer though, instead she withdrew her wand from her robes and preformed Legilimency on her nonverbally before Narcissa had a chance to be prepared for it, causing her sister to see the memory of, “I love my husband, but Bellatrix isn’t the reason I stopped eating and therefore has no place in _any_ of our discussions, no matter what Lucius seems to think,” before Narcissa successfully managed to block her out. 

Bellatrix clicked her tongue as she replaced her wand in her robe. “Decent, for being unprepared for it, but not good enough; we’ll continue practicing. In the meantime though, it’s doubtful you’ll even see Him any time soon; I mean honestly, it isn’t like we regularly have get-togethers with people not bearing the mark.” She smirked then, trying to cause her sister to be at ease and yes, Narcissa did suppose that was true; Lucius was already initiated, and that would be the only ceremony she would be required to attend. And it wasn’t as though they were having the Dark Lord over for Christmas dinner, after all.

“I’ll have you as skilled as me in Occlumency by this time next year, Cissy; I swear to it,” Bellatrix told her, running her hands down her sister’s forearms comfortingly. “I won’t leave you undefended.” A beat passed then, and Bellatrix’s tone completely switched from one of caring to one of utter irritation as she said, “And sod that prick; he really tried to get you to ‘fix’ your shit with me when you saw your Soul Mender? That’s the last bloody time I tell him anything.”

Narcissa stepped away from her then, causing her sister’s hands to fall back to her sides as a glare made her way across the blonde’s face, remembering that. “I can’t believe you told him I stopped going last year. Your loyalty should be to _me,_ Bellatrix; not to him!”

“It _is_ to you,” Bellatrix assured her, looking at Narcissa like she couldn’t fathom how she came to any other conclusion. “I was trying to bloody help; what Mum did to you fucked you up. You needed to deal with that.”

“ _You_ didn’t deal with it.”

“I wasn’t the one who nearly starved themselves to death over it though, was I?”

Narcissa pursed her lips into a thin line at that, and Bellatrix exhaled a small breath in irritation as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Look, if you’re waiting for me to apologize, you shouldn’t hold your breath over it; I did that shit because I _cared_ , Cissy. I’m not sorry about that. What I _am_ sorry about however is not telling your Mender about it my sodding self, considering Lucius took it upon himself to throw me under the fucking bus when he admitted you. What a complete tosser; I swear. It’s like he has no bleeding sense sometimes.”

Narcissa was going to comment on that, but Bellatrix didn’t let her; instead she changed the topic, which did successfully divert her sister’s irritation with her as she was made aware of what was in store for her tomorrow. “You know that idiot planned to pick you up from the hospital tomorrow and throw you right in the middle of a surprise party?”

Narcissa blinked; shock and horror coloring her face. “… _What?_ ”

But Bellatrix just continued on, having already expected that kind of reaction. She knew her sister better than anyone, after all. “Didn’t even fucking bother to take into account that you probably wouldn’t fit into your clothes anymore and would probably have a meltdown over it if people saw you less than perfect. Which is another reason we’re here; to get you a new wardrobe, because I don’t want you starving yourself again just to fit into your clothes. We’re burning all that other shit; I don’t even want it in your house.”

While Narcissa was eternally grateful for at least _someone_ knowing her well enough to realize she wouldn’t have been able to handle being thrown in the middle of a blooming party the second she got released from the hospital, she had to ask, “Why is he even having this party in the _first_ place?!” 

Bellatrix waved her hand at her, like it really wasn’t of much concern. “Some late birthday-slash-coming home thing of sorts; we told everyone you were traveling the world after your wedding since you were adamant on experiencing life before you ultimately became a boring housewife and a sodding baby factory. Which reminds me,” Bellatrix continued, not noticing how her sister paled when she mentioned children. “Before I get you home tomorrow we’re going to have to stop a few places; get you some souvenirs and shit so we can sell that story. _Another_ thing Lucius never thought of, I’m sure; the daft fool. Honestly, without me your world would just fall to shambles.”

Narcissa ignored the baby comment for now though, as she still didn’t want Bellatrix to know what she had promised the Dark Lord in return for her sister’s sanity. Instead, she exclaimed, “And that was the best excuse you could come up with?! Why on earth would I travel without my _husband?_ ”

“Because Lucius had to work? Who cares. In the end, it was better than telling people that you were studying abroad or some other ridiculous crap; no one would believe that considering you have absolutely zero ambition and you’ll probably never work a day in your life.”

Narcissa shook her head in exasperation, wishing they had at least spoken to her about their lies first; that was a flimsy excuse that she doubted many people would believe. Not that she could think of one that was much better, outside of perhaps that she had come down with some strange sickness when she and Lucius were on their honeymoon, but considering she didn’t want people to know she was in St. Mungo’s for the last four months, she didn’t want to tell people _that_ either. In the end, she supposed this would have to do.

It was too late now anyway.

“Hey,” Bellatrix tried, reaching out for her to get her sister’s attention. “Look, it doesn’t matter, yeah? I’ll help you sell it. Why I’m here.”

“I know,” Narcissa responded softly, knowing she was misplacing her irritation over the situation. Even if the excuse of traveling _was_ entirely Bellatrix’s idea, she at least had some follow through with it. “I know you’re just trying to help, Bella; and I appreciate it.”

Looking up at her sister, who had always towered over her in her boots despite now being the shortest between the two, Narcissa weaved her fingers through Bellatrix’s as she gently pulled the woman closer towards her. “Thank you,” she breathed again, needing Bellatrix to know that her effort wasn’t going ignored. “For all of this. For thinking of me.”

“I always think of you, Cissy.”

“Perhaps, but you rarely go out of your way to see that I’m well taken care of.”

Bellatrix looked a little uncomfortable by the sentiment, like she was unsure if this was even the type of person she was supposed to be; but Narcissa didn’t want her questioning that so she gently let go of her sister’s hands, bringing her own up to the silver clasp on her robes. “And I think it’s about time I return the favor… wouldn’t you agree?” 

A few gentle flicks of her fingers and a roll of her shoulders, and the robe pooled at Narcissa’s feet as she stood before her sister in a dress that barely fit any longer. Bellatrix’s eyes darkened at her cleavage that was practically spilling out of the fabric, and as she reached out to touch it she chuckled softly and said, “Shit, Cissy; part of me wants to rethink buying you a new wardrobe if you’re going to be busting out of _all_ your clothes like this. It’s sexy as fuck.”

Narcissa flushed a little at the compliment, as she was glad that despite her larger figure, her sister still found her desirable. Regardless though, she combatted it with, “Maybe to you, but it’s still very uncomfortable.”

Bellatrix smirked. “Well let me fix that for you then.” Her fingers closed around the top of the dress that covered her right breast then, and without warning she pulled, splitting the fabric as Narcissa audibly gasped, both at the sound and feeling of it. Bellatrix growled low in her throat then as she wrapped her in her arms, lips finding the base of her sister’s neck as she drew more sounds from Narcissa’s lips, all whilst quite literally _tearing_ the dress from the younger woman’s form.

“Well now we _definitely_ need to get me some new clothes,” Narcissa breathed, lithe fingers curling around her sister’s bicep as her tattered dress was pushed off her hips, falling to the ground at her feet. Bellatrix’s fingers unclasped her bra then, pushing the straps off her shoulders and allowing that to fall to the ground, forgotten as well, and suddenly Narcissa was standing there in nothing but her knickers and simple flats while her sister was still fully clothed.

Narcissa tried to remove Bellatrix’s robe at least, but her sister pushed her hands off of her and grasped her hips roughly, causing the blonde to emit a small gasp at the possessive gesture as her sister looked at all she had to offer her with a rather predatory gaze in her eyes. “I like this,” she told her as she squeezed the bit of fat that now rested on her hips, covering what used to be just bone and skin. “Gives me something to actually hold on to while I make those new tits of yours bounce all over the place.”

Narcissa flushed a little. “They’re not _new—_ ” They were just… quite a bit larger than they used to be. Most of the weight she gained was in her hips and her chest, which Narcissa was actually eternally grateful for; she was frightened when she began gaining weight that it would all go to her arse, which she had always had a problem trying to make smaller. 

Now, at least, she seemed much more proportionate, although if she had her way she would still shave a few inches off her thighs. She tried not to think about things like that though, because that would be a good way to encourage herself to fall back into old habits and with the way Bellatrix was looking at her… well, it seemed as though she much preferred _this_ version of her body. And Narcissa had always lived to please her eldest sister; even above herself.

“May as well be,” Bellatrix breathed, allowing her hands to map the curves of the blonde’s body as they slid over her hips, and upwards to cover fuller breasts than what she had always been used to. An already hardened nipple was pinched between Bellatrix’s thumb and forefinger then, and Narcissa gasped as a rosy hue flushed her chest and cheeks. Bellatrix grinned wickedly then, her voice coming out as almost a groan as she said, “ _Fuck…_ I am going to enjoy destroying that tight little cunt of yours tonight.”

A fresh wave of arousal at her sister’s words caused Narcissa’s knickers to dampen and her lips to part, her breathing beginning to labor just from the mere thought of what Bellatrix was going to do to her. Still, she couldn’t help but lightly chide her sister with, “You promised you would make love to me.” In the end though, it really didn’t matter; all Narcissa craved was her sister’s touch, and she didn’t much care how that came packaged so long as she received it. 

Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll destroy it _gently_ then.” Narcissa smirked, amused by her attempt at a compromise, but it didn’t last long. Suddenly she was almost violently pushed backwards, making her exhale a rather undignified squawk as she practically landed in a heap on the bed. Bellatrix chuckled at the look on her sister’s face after doing that, and as she crossed the room she said, “Relax, Cissy; I have a surprise for you.”

Narcissa quirked an eyebrow at that, at least attempting to situate herself into a more dignified position that definitely needed to include elongating her torso a bit so she didn’t end up getting any dreadful fat rolls. In the end though, she supposed some things would never change. 

Bellatrix stopped just shy of the vase of roses on the bedside table, looking over her shoulder before she unclasped her robe, allowing it to drop to the floor. Narcissa sucked in a sharp breath at the sight she was presented with; lace and skin and garters with boots that looked like they could stab a man clear through his throat should she just press hard enough against his jugular, and suddenly she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Jesus fucking _hell_ , Bella…”

Bellatrix smirked, pleased with the reaction her outfit garnered as she turned to face her fully. “And what kind of language is that for a lady?”

Narcissa watched carefully as Bellatrix’s fingers slowly mapped her own body, completely enraptured by the sight. “—Sod being a lady right now.”

“Oh?” Bellatrix questioned in disbelief, looking far too amused by this as she still refused to come any closer to Narcissa on the bed, who was practically salivating. Her smirk widened then, her fingers brushing across her own throat for a moment before she continued, “You think I haven’t noticed how you’re trying to talk now? You keep this shit up you’re gonna sound like Walburga.”

Narcissa flushed a little, shooting her a glare as she propped herself up on her elbows. “What’s wrong with the way I’ve been speaking?” Perhaps she had been consciously trying to train herself to hold herself and speak with a little more dignity and class, as she had a lot of down time at the treatment center and not many things to do with it, but it was supposed to be an _improvement,_ wasn’t it? 

Besides, it wasn’t all the time; she still had to integrate it into her normal speech patterns for a little while longer until it became second nature to her. She was trying, but now she felt a little foolish for doing so; at least with how her sister was currently looking at her.

“For one, the fact that you just said ‘the way I’ve been speaking’ instead of ‘the way I talk’,” Bellatrix noted, although still looked more amused by Narcissa’s attempt to shape herself into the kind of woman she wanted to be, rather than irritated by it. Suddenly reaching out, Bellatrix’s fists began to tear the heads off the roses in the vase as she openly mocked, “‘Oh _surely_ that would cause more trouble than it’s worth. _Perhaps_ we could—’ you know, Cissy, sometimes it’s okay to say ‘maybe’.”

She threw the rose petals in her direction then, completely robbing Narcissa of a retort due to her surprise at being showered in soft flowers as they landed on her chest, in her hair, on the bed. Bellatrix was on her then, her weight startling Narcissa for a moment as she got in her face and breathed against her lips, “There’s your bed of rose petals, lover. I _do_ hope I’m winning some points with you…”

And she was, quite a lot actually, despite the fact that Bellatrix had a rather violent way of acquiring said rose petals. But her sister had always been a violent person, so that wasn’t why she refused to tell her that they won her some points; no, that was entirely due to the mocking tone she put on _yet again_ as she made fun of her for trying to speak properly, and Narcissa shoved her shoulder in retaliation.

“You laugh now, but when I’m the respected one between us you’ll see that I was right.”

Bellatrix outright snorted at that. “Respected by socialites? Pass.”

Narcissa pursed her lips in annoyance, trying _very_ hard to ignore the fingernails that were lightly tracing the curvature of her stomach. “You always wanted me to have ambition,” she responded instead, feeling the muscles in her abdomen twitch and jump at her sister’s light touch. “Well, I finally decided what I want to be.”

“A snooty prat?”

Narcissa’s eyes flashed as her hand connected with her sister’s chest, furiously pushing her off of her before she switched their positions; straddling her waist as she pinned her arms to the mattress. “ _Respected,_ ” she told her, passion and anger in her voice from having it questioned. “ _Envied…_ I want the world to look at me, at what I have, and _despise_ themselves for not having the same. I want the power; I want them all to look at me and realize that if they don’t have my approval, then they have nothing. That they _are_ nothing…”

Bellatrix’s brow rose at that declaration, looking as though she might finally approve of her sister’s dreams, despite how she might have to learn to speak to achieve them. “Shit… keep talking like that, Cissy; seeing that fire in your eyes is making me wet.”

“They laughed at me as a child; bullied and tormented me because I was weak, but I’m _not_ weak… not anymore.” Narcissa felt herself flush in arousal just from the fantasy of being on top of the social hierarchy, her hips grinding into her sister’s as she looked down at her and breathed passionately, “I’ll destroy their self-esteem with a mere word, a _glance_ and it’ll all come tumbling down around them. They’ll hear whispers behind their back, feel the shame creep up their neck and they will come _begging_ to me to put themselves back in my good graces. I’ll destroy them, Bella; I’ll destroy _all_ of them…”

Bellatrix groaned in need at the way she was speaking, allowing Narcissa to top her; to have this moment of strength and confidence that she had needed for so long. And so Narcissa looked down at her, eyes alight with purpose and passion, as she finished strongly, “But first, I’ll destroy _you._ ”

Her fingers suddenly fisted around the fabric of her sister’s lacy underwear, pulling it until it gave way beneath the force of her hand. She cupped her then, her touch forceful and bruising as Narcissa demanded entrance to Bellatrix’s body with two fingers, drawing out a long moan from painted lips. Bellatrix grasped for her with her free hand, fingernails etching patterns against porcelain skin as she ground out between gasps, “ _Yes_ , love—fucking destroy everything in your path; make the world bow at your feet. Make them scream, make them _cry…_ ”

Narcissa corkscrewed her fingers inside of her, causing Bellatrix to exhale a throaty moan as her back arched off the mattress, her trapped hand curling to dig her fingernails into her sister’s hand. But Narcissa didn’t let her go; if anything she just leaned closer to her face, putting more pressure on her to keep her still. Narcissa’s breath etched uneven patterns against her sister’s lips as she looked down at her, whispering against the plump flesh in a tone that sounded so terribly vindictive, “I wonder… could I ever make _you_ cry…?”

_Could I ever make you cry, like you have made me countless times before?_

It shouldn’t have even been a thought that entered her mind, as Bellatrix was finally trying to be everything that she needed in life, and yet there was still a small part of Narcissa that resented her for all the pain she caused her over the years. Even if she craved it, even if she immersed herself in it, she knew she shouldn’t have been dealt it in the first place. After all, she had been so very young when it all began.

Their age difference never bothered Narcissa, but it should have; when she had lost her virginity to her sister, she was barely more than a child while Bellatrix was legally an adult. Bellatrix took advantage of her willingness to please her, and over the years it nearly destroyed her. And it wasn’t the fact that she fucked her that was the problem, as Narcissa knew she would willingly do it all over again should she be given the chance. It was the fact that she should have been the one being taken care of; she should have been able to experience her childhood to its fullest, without having to worry about always having to be the adult and caretaker in Bellatrix’s life. Her sister robbed that from her, and a part of Narcissa hated her for it despite knowing full well she’d do it twelve times over should she need to, because Narcissa had always loved her eldest sister more than she ever loved herself.

“I’d let you burn the flesh from my fucking bones, Narcissa, should seeing my tears give you satisfaction,” Bellatrix breathed passionately, and it was that… _that_ that reminded Narcissa of why she would always do it all again for her, despite the pain that it brought her. Bellatrix may have had her madness, she may have been so unwaveringly selfish and cruel at times, but at the end of the day, she would bleed for her. Scream for her. _Die_ for her.

Their lips connected then, a chaotic mess of teeth and tongues as Narcissa relentlessly pounded into her, swallowing every sound that left the brunette’s lips. She bit down violently, tasting copper as she sucked Bellatrix dry, needing to consume everything that she was as her sister was the only thing in this world that tasted like freedom and chaos and _strength._

“I’ll burn the world before I burn you, my love… every single time.”

“ _Fuck,_ ” Bellatrix ground out, sweating and panting and careening forward as the pleasure began to build in the pit of her stomach. Narcissa let her go then and she grasped for her, palms warming the sides of her face as her sister’s nails pierced her cheeks. “Say that again,” Bellatrix demanded through labored breaths. “Fucking call me that again…”

“My love…” Narcissa breathed without hesitation, the words being exhaled across soft flesh as her lips found her lips, her cheek, the underside of her jaw. Bellatrix began to shudder beneath her, and Narcissa smiled. “My soul, my everything…” 

It was like a wave then; this violent wave that crashed over Bellatrix’s body, causing her back to arch and her toes to curl as she grasped for the woman atop her, desperate to find an anchor. Narcissa held her close as she let Bellatrix fall, her lips still placing soft kisses down her neck and along her shoulder as she felt the other woman tremble from the force of their passion. 

“If you burn, Bella,” she breathed against her skin, inhaling sex and sweat as she touched the violent storm in her arms as though it were little more than a mere raincloud, “then I burn with you.”

Because it was Bellatrix who made her feel alive; in the end, there _was_ no life without her. Not for Narcissa, not anymore. And with the way Bellatrix lived her life, the end might be sooner than either of them would have ever wanted. But Narcissa had to wonder, if that spark that Bellatrix awoke in her, that turned into this blazing fire and consumed all that she was… if one day that burned out, would she perish in the wake of it?

Or would she be doomed to live on, living half a life in the ashes of her sister’s memory?

**TBC…**


	3. III. Winter, 1974

**CHAPTER III  
Winter, 1974**

A loud crack echoed through the near-empty foyer, two women suddenly appearing in the middle of a large mansion in the heart of Wiltshire. The sound caused a teacup to clatter to the ground in the easternmost room, feet scurrying along the wooden flooring before a loud slam was heard from what sounded like the kitchen, and suddenly the voices of two men were screaming at them as Rodolphus and Lucius practically attacked them from all sides.

Mostly, it consisted of varying degrees of ‘where the hell have you been,’ and Narcissa felt a little overwhelmed with being practically bombarded by both her husband and brother-in-law as she quite literally backed herself up into Bellatrix, allowing her sister to snake a protective hand around her waist. Lucius, in particular, looked absolutely _livid_ at the sight of it.

“Can you both back the fuck off before you overwhelm my bloody sister?!” Bellatrix shrieked at them, coming to Narcissa’s rescue as she realized the younger woman wasn’t emotionally prepared for this kind of welcome. Honestly, she hadn’t expected either of them to have realized that they had been gone at all; she only expected Lucius to be angry with Bellatrix for picking her up behind his back. “She just got out of the _hospital_ for shit’s sake; get your heads out of your arses and have some sodding compassion, you wank nutters!”

Lucius actually looked a bit ashamed of himself after that, as at least he cared about Narcissa’s wellbeing, but Rodolphus just looked infuriated by his wife screaming at him and calling him a bloody wank nutter. Which, if Narcissa was in the right frame of mind at the moment, she would have most certainly laughed at; however she wasn’t, and the most she could really do was allow Bellatrix to hold her against her body as her sister lashed out at anyone who dared attack her. 

So much for that confidence she was feeling last night; apparently it only came in waves. In the end, she was still little more than a child in a woman’s body, trying to find her place in the world. Maybe one day she’d be able to straighten her spine and look down on any who dare attack her, but it was quite clear that that day was not today.

Not yet.

“Don’t tell me to back off, Bellatrix; you went behind my back to see your damned sister, when I specifically told you not to!” Rodolphus shouted, causing Bellatrix’s eyes to flash in warning as she fisted her hand in her sister’s robe.

“Well this might come as a shock to you, Rodolphus, but you are not my bloody keeper,” Bellatrix spat furiously. “You are my husband, not my lover; in the end, all that grants you is the courtesy of a polite greeting in the fucking morning, not the right to dictate what I do or don’t do in my sodding life! I am _through_ listening to your bullshit about Narcissa, so unless you want to grow a sack and give me a valid goddamn reason of why you think I should stay away from her, she is _my_ sister and I will see her when and how often I want to; end of fucking discussion.”

Rodolphus’ eyes flashed at that, but he tensed his jaw, refusing to speak his mind even though it was clear that he had a _slew_ of colorful things to say to her just from the hateful look in his eyes. 

Bellatrix grinned wickedly at him though, apparently getting off on purposely pushing him towards something that might make all of their worlds fall apart around them as she hissed, “Oh, go on, I _dare_ you. Fucking say it if you have stones.”

“Bella, stop,” Narcissa begged softly, voice barely above a whisper as she watched Rodolphus glance at Lucius out of the corner of his eye, like he was silently communicating with him. Which just worried her even more, as she doubted anything the two of them talked about in regards to _them_ was anything good.

But Lucius just shook his head in response; just barely, just enough for Rodolphus to know now was not the time to bring up their endless list of concerns about how the two sisters interacted with one another. It just wasn’t worth it; not without proof.

“…That’s what I thought,” Bellatrix responded once she received no answer. Straightening her spine, she looked down at the two men as she firmly told them, “This is _over,_ do you both understand me? We’re done with this fucking discussion; two years of this inane crap has been enough. We’re all well enough trained in Occlumency for this not to become a safety issue any longer when we’re at meetings, and I’ll continue training Narcissa until she’s as good as the rest of us, should she ever happen to come across our Lord again. Outside of that, neither of you have any bloody right to lecture us on our relationship, because _it’s none of your sodding business._ ”

“Narcissa is my _wife—_ ” Lucius began, trying to stand firm despite his place being blatantly obvious once Bellatrix cut him off.

“Which grants you access to her cunt, not her entire life,” Bellatrix snapped harshly, making him fall silent. “You don’t own her, Lucius; Narcissa is her own bloody person, and you best remember that before _I_ make you remember it. And trust me, you don’t want that.”

Nobody spoke following that declaration. The silence stretched onwards, and Narcissa couldn’t bear to look at Lucius, afraid of the look that she would be confronted with. Already just his mere presence was eating her alive.

“Now,” Bellatrix said after a lengthy pause. “Normally I’d wonder how you two knobs even knew we were missing, but honestly I don’t ruddy care anymore. The fact that I had go behind either of your backs to take my own bleeding sister out for her birthday was fucking ridiculous, and I’m not doing it anymore. When I take her out next time, you’ll know; and _no_ , I will not be asking for permission. I’m tired of pretending that I answer to either of you.”

“Get off your bloody pedestal, woman,” Rodolphus snapped, infuriated by how his wife thought she could emasculate them. To be fair though, it wasn’t as though either of them were trying to argue with her. Apparently they both were more than aware of how well _that_ would go, as they both have had their share of experiences with it. And in the end, Bellatrix was far more frightening than either of them could ever hope to be. “You’ve made your point, and you and I will discuss it later. Leave Narcissa to her husband, and let’s _go._ We’ve overstayed our welcome.”

Narcissa thought Bellatrix was going to snap at him again for speaking to her in that tone, but honestly they had always shit all over one another; that wasn’t anything new. Instead, Bellatrix just cupped the side of her sister’s head as she pulled her in to give her a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be back for the party,” she told her, before her gaze settled on Lucius as almost a warning, and she continued, “But if you need me before then, send an owl. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Narcissa nodded in understanding, although the gesture was barely visible because it was so small. On one hand, she was incredibly grateful for Bellatrix putting them both in their place and laying down the rules of how things would be now, but on another she _dreaded_ what this would do to her relationship with Lucius. He was clearly infuriated by the whole ordeal, and Narcissa was unsure how she could rectify the situation so she could be happy with both her sister _and_ her husband simultaneously. That’s all she ever wanted, but perhaps it was foolish to ever think she could have it all.

“Don’t you dare make her cry,” Bellatrix bluntly told Lucius as she stepped away from Narcissa. “She’s been through enough already.” And then she turned on the spot, disapparating with a loud crack before Rodolphus silently fumed in her wake, following suit a moment afterwards. 

Silence.

Husband and wife stared at one another from across the foyer, before Lucius finally spoke with a bitter, angry sounding, “—Welcome home.” And then he stormed off, leaving Narcissa to feel abandoned and alone and so terribly, terribly guilty.

“Lucius!” she exclaimed desperately, leaving her bags in the middle of the foyer as she took off after him, trying to corner him in the parlor. “Lucius, please—!” But that wasn’t working, so Narcissa stopped dead in her tracks, furiously stomping her foot as she shrieked, “Lucius Malfoy, _don’t you dare walk away from me right now!_ ”

That, at least, made him stop.

He turned then, a wave of platinum hair cascading over his shoulders and framing his face as he stared at Narcissa like he couldn’t believe she let Bellatrix practically stomp all over him like that. “Do you _want_ to be regarded as no more than a trophy wife?” he asked her, a question that made Narcissa blink as a look of hurt flashed across her features.

“What? _No—_ ”

“Then explain to me, Narcissa, why you didn’t take two bloody seconds out of your day to consider how I would feel if I thought that you were _missing!_ ” Lucius shouted, infuriated that his feelings hadn’t even been considered by his own wife. “I went to visit you yesterday, to ask you if you needed me to get anything for you before you were released today, and you were… you were _gone._ I didn’t know where you had went, how long it would be until you got back, or if you even left _willingly._ How on earth do you think that made me feel?!”

A hot wave of shame began to creep up Narcissa’s neck at that accusation, and guilt and regret shone behind darkened eyes. “I—” But she didn’t know what to say to that; she didn’t have an excuse for that. “… I’m sorry, I didn’t—” _think you would ever find out,_ but that didn’t matter, because he had.

“Sorry doesn’t change the fact that I’ve been awake for the last twenty four fucking hours worried out of my damned mind about you,” Lucius snapped, making Narcissa flush in regret over her own actions. Still, she tried to make excuses for herself, because none of this would have ever come to pass if she was just allowed to see her own bleeding sister.

“But Rodolphus was here,” she defended, trying to stand tall. “So you both must have realized that I was with Bellatrix, so there was nothing to even worry about—”

“You think I _trust_ her with you?!” Lucius shouted, furiously pointing at the spot where the witch had once been. “If anything, Narcissa, that just made it _worse!_ ”

Narcissa’s eyes welled up with a furious upset then, hardly able to believe that after all these years it always came back to _this._ And God, she wanted to ignore it, to pretend that her husband and brother-and-law didn’t actually believe such things about them, but it would only make things seem more suspicious if she let that comment pass. Because Lucius had said that to her once before, and she knew exactly what it meant.

“You still think she’s going to force herself on me, don’t you?” she seethed, because it was easier to get upset over her husband believing her sister was a rapist, than it was to pretend to be offended over an accusation that was completely _true._ And in the end, Lucius couldn’t bear to think that his suspicions were consensual; it was easier to believe that Bellatrix was the sick one, not his own wife.

“If you honestly don’t believe her capable of something like that, Narcissa, then you clearly—” But he didn’t get to finish his sentence. A loud slap rang through the parlor, echoing off the walls as Narcissa’s hand stung and Lucius’ cheek turned an angry, violent red from the force of the blow. She wouldn’t be surprised if it bruised him; a part of her _wanted_ to bruise him.

“Is this what I’m to expect now?!” she shouted, eyes brimming with furious tears. “Your apologies to mean absolute _shit_ in the end? I explained to you years ago how it was with my sister, and I thought you understood. It was her _madness_ that drove her to confuse how she looked at me, Lucius; but she’s not mad, not anymore! Bellatrix loves me; she would never hurt me like that, and I am sick to _death_ of you trying to rob me of the love of my sister just because of your own unwarranted paranoia! I’m done, Lucius; I’m fucking _finished!_ ”

She was screeching, furious and upset as she turned away, content on storming off because what else could she do? What else would someone do, if people accused someone that they loved of such heinous things? But Lucius’ face crumpled, realizing once again that he had fucked things up by implying Bellatrix was capable of doing such terrible things to her, even though he was completely right. Narcissa knew that her sister had it within her to take what she wanted from her even without her permission; and maybe once she would have, maybe once she actually already _had,_ but not anymore. Bellatrix was normal now, Bellatrix was _sane_ now, and she loved her. She loved her more than anything.

And Narcissa was not about to let him take that away from her.

“Shit… Narcissa, wait—” Lucius tried, but the hand that clasped around her bicep was immediately off of her, Narcissa violently wrenching herself away from his hold as she spun around to face him, her expression looking like he cut her, when she knew full-well it was she who was wielding the knife.

“It’s like you _want_ her to!” she screeched, pushing Lucius backwards and causing him to nearly stumble into the far wall. “It’s like you _want_ someone I love, someone I _trust_ to completely rip all of that away from me, to _violate_ me, just so you can say ‘I told you so!’ What the fuck kind of person _are_ you, Lucius?!” 

The first time they had had this conversation, Narcissa had felt so terribly guilty for lashing out at him; for lying straight to his face and pretending as though it deeply offended her, despite his suspicions about them being true. Now however, she didn’t. And she knew she should; she loved Lucius and she hated hurting him, but she wasn’t going to give up her sister. Bellatrix was finally trying to be everything she needed from her, and she couldn’t bear to let that go just to make him more comfortable with the situation. And perhaps that made her a terrible person, but this was who she was, and there was no denying that anymore. She had made her choice, and while she would rather have everything, have them _both,_ if in the end she had to pick a side, then she would always choose Bellatrix’s.

Every. Single. Time.

“God, _no,_ Narcissa; I would never in my _life_ want something like that—” Lucius tried, reaching out for her again. But Narcissa shoved him away almost immediately, not wanting his hands on her right now.

“Don’t _touch_ me!” she screamed, backing up a few steps before she allowed this feeling to consume her, and tears finally began to leak from her eyes. She practically crumbled in a ball on her haunches then, covering her face as she sobbed, and Lucius looked as though the sight of it broke him in half as he knelt down to get on her level.

He didn’t touch her though; he knew, at least after being rejected twice, that his wife didn’t want his comfort in that way. Not right now. “Narcissa, please don’t cry; I never meant that I wanted—”

“You just want me to stop crying so I won’t tell my bloody _sister,_ ” Narcissa snapped, looking up at him like it was he who betrayed her, instead of she who touched someone else last night like they were everything she wanted, everything she _needed_ in life. She looked at him helplessly then, sliding further down until her arse was firmly planted on the ground and her knees were pulled to her chest.

“She knows, you know,” Narcissa breathed sadly, wanting him to feel guilty for the things that he thought. “What you both think of us; it’s why she goaded Rodolphus earlier, because she wants an excuse to tear you both apart for it. It’s so incredibly insulting to us, and it’s like neither of you realize how deep it cuts us, for you to look at us like we’re something vile and unnatural.” 

Narcissa sniffed then, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand as she continued, “Because we’ve always known, you know? We knew what the implications meant every time you tried to skirt around them, but I’ve always had to convince her that you both thought it was consensual, because I couldn’t _bear_ to see the look on her face if she knew that you thought it was just her. Because she’s not sick, Lucius; there’s nothing wrong with her. There’s nothing wrong with _us._ ”

“You think she’s this horrible person, but the truth of it is that it wasn’t just because of the Dark Lord that Bellatrix stayed away from me,” Narcissa breathed, laying the guilt on thick so that Lucius would drown in it, because she needed this to be the last time they ever had this conversation. “She left because she loved me, and she knows that I love _you,_ and she didn’t want her relationship with me to ruin my relationship with you. She wanted me to be happy, but this doesn’t make me _happy,_ Lucius, and I told her today that I’m through being punished for something I didn’t even do. It’s not fair, it’s not—it’s not bloody fucking _fair._ ”

She took a shuddered inhale of breath then, shaking her head sadly. “So you can think those things about my sister if you want,” Narcissa finished softly, looking up at her husband, too tired to fight against this anymore. If he wanted her to make a choice then fine; she would make one. “You can think them about _me_ even, if you need to find a reason for why this is happening right now, but as of this moment I am just your wife; not your lover. Because as much as I love you, and as much as you love me, it’s become quite clear to me who really cares for me during all of this, and it certainly isn’t _you._ ”

Narcissa’s words looked like they broke him, because Lucius did really love her, but she couldn’t do this any longer; she refused to be torn apart between her husband and her sister, and if this was the way to get him to see that what he thought was incredibly insulting and not at all what a wife should have to put up with, then so be it. She hoped, beyond anything else in that moment, that Lucius would try to fix this thing between them, so that they could be happy without all this added ugliness hovering over their heads, but if he didn’t… then he had made his choice, and he clearly didn’t love her as much as she once thought he did.

“Narcissa, ple—please don’t say things like that,” Lucius begged, looking as though he might actually cry himself. God, it tore her to shreds inside, but she needed to stay firm; she needed it to be this dramatic, because it would be the only way it would ever come to a real end. “Please don’t make that kind of _decision_ right now, when we’re both just upset and—” 

“I’ve already made my decision,” Narcissa interrupted firmly, her voice breaking in the back of her throat as she picked herself up from the floor. Wrapping her arms around her midsection, she looked at him and told him bluntly, “Now it’s time for you to make yours. What do you want, Lucius?”

“ _You—_ Narcissa, that’s never even been in question—!”

“Then bloody fucking prove it for once,” she snapped, shaking her head as she took a step backwards from him. “Prove that you care how upset you’ve made me over the years with all of this; prove to me that you care enough to _trust_ me not to do something so… so disgustingly _unspeakable_ behind your back! Because until then, we just share this house together—nothing more.”

“Narcissa, we _just_ got married—!” Lucius tried to protest, because how was it possible that it had all unraveled so quickly? But Narcissa just stopped for a moment in her retreat, looking at him with saddened eyes as her hands fisted in her own robes, quite literally holding herself together so as to not allow herself to back down from this.

“Yes, we did…” she breathed, watching her husband’s face crumble before her. “And that’s what breaks my heart.”

[x]

Narcissa stared at herself in her vanity mirror, almost in a daze as she continued to put the finishing touches on her hair. Their guests would be arriving soon, and she needed to look immaculate; exude a confidence and strength she didn’t own to make it appear as though her whole bloody world wasn’t falling down around her. She would be lying if she said that she didn’t regret what she had done earlier, as perhaps mentioning the elephant in the room was extremely foolish considering the repercussions it could bring, but she couldn’t bear to have this dark cloud hanging over her marriage anymore. In the end, this was either going to fix everything or utterly destroy it, and she’d be a fool to not fear it was the latter.

Hearing a sound behind her, Narcissa’s eyes caught her husband’s reflection in the mirror as Lucius entered their bedroom. His entire presence exuded a fierce depression, guilt and regret over causing his wife to be so terribly upset with him, and it was that alone that made Narcissa breathe a little easier. Not as though she expected him to leave her over this, as Lucius would _never_ without proof, and the entire reasoning for this was to make sure he never went looking for any. If Lucius thought she was willing to destroy their marriage over something like this, then it was likely he’d believe that that was because it was such a grave insult to her, and there wasn’t a shred of truth behind it. 

It was incredibly risky, and something Narcissa was sure Bellatrix wouldn’t approve of, but she wasn’t going to spend the rest of her life having her husband question what went on with her sister behind closed doors. She wanted a _happy_ marriage, and if nearly destroying it was the way to rebuild it and make it stronger, then so be it. 

“Has Dobby finished with the preparations downstairs?” Narcissa asked him, voice terse and practically businesslike as she continued pinning her hair in place. 

“Yes, it—”

“Good,” Narcissa interrupted, not much caring of the details as she continued to stare at herself, rather than her husband’s reflection, through the mirror’s glass. “Tell him to get up here; I need your things moved into the guestroom.”

That looked like it cut Lucius. “Narcissa, please; I’m sor—”

“We’re not discussing this right now,” Narcissa responded sharply, her eyes snapping to meet his. The man looked so terribly gutted, and Narcissa had to take a small breath and look away from him before she allowed her mask of anger and offense to slip off her face. It wouldn’t do to forgive him right now. 

“Besides, you cannot deny that this works to our advantage at the moment,” she continued, not wanting him to feel _too_ terrible about their separation. “You know as well as I that we need to get into the habit of making it appear as though we have a loveless marriage in front of the other purebloods. I will not have people jealous of me for the wrong reasons; it would cause them to hate me rather than strive to become closer to me, and I will not have the fact that we care for one another be the reason my place amongst them is forfeit.”

Lucius looked as though that thought didn’t thrill him, but he knew as well as Narcissa did that that was what they had to do; it was just the way of things with purebloods. Everyone was miserable with their arranged marriages and if you weren’t, you were despised for having a sense of happiness in your life. “…You’re right,” he conceded finally. “It’s imperative that you make good social connections; it would help further my career and that is something that would be beneficial to the both of us.”

“Precisely,” Narcissa responded, still being overly formal with him to make him feel distanced. She looked up then, catching his gaze in the mirror once more as she continued, “And, Lucius? I expect you to do something with your hair before everyone arrives; pull it back from your face at least. If you keep insisting on having it hang in your eyes, people are going to start to think you have something to hide, and that is the last thing I need people thinking right now.”

Lucius looked a bit perturbed by that, but bit his tongue before eventually complying with, “…Yes, dear.”

Silence. Lucius looked as though he had a million more things to say to her, but now wasn’t the time for any of that.

“Well, what are you doing still standing there?” Narcissa demanded, looking at him like he had gone mental; did he not understand that they were on a time schedule? “Go get dressed; people will be arriving any moment.”

Lucius eventually slunk off after that, leaving Narcissa alone to stare at herself in the mirror as she silently tried to convince herself that she could do this. She could hold herself a certain way for these people, and begin to make the first steps towards becoming one of the most respected socialites in Britain. This was far too important for her to screw up, and so after taking a deep breath she stood up, walking away from her vanity and out of her bedroom to finally greet her new life.

And at first, it went well. People swarmed around her, wanting to hear stories of her travels that thankfully Narcissa was able to make up on the spot just from the brief visits she had with her sister this morning in order to bring back trinkets to sell the lie. The merchants were very accommodating when she asked for the history of the pieces she had bought, which she was thankful for. After all, she couldn’t come back with souvenirs but no stories now, could she?

“It’s a Scandinavian fertility necklace,” Narcissa answered after being questioned on the piece of jewelry that lay delicately against her chest. She gently fingered the piece, sounding a bit boastful as she continued, “Said to be blessed by the Goddess Freyja herself in the time of many Gods. It cost a fair amount of coin of course, but I refuse to settle for anything less than the best.”

“You and Lucius are planning on having children soon then?” Margret asked, her brow rising because she was still so young. Generally, it was proper to wait until one was in their early twenties to breed, although why that was, Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure; probably just tradition. There were so damned many of those.

Narcissa’s stomach automatically clenched at the thought of children, but she schooled her expression to not let it show that the thought distressed her. “No, of course not,” Narcissa answered with a small chuckle, like the girl was being absurd. “Lucius’ career is what’s of the utmost importance at the moment; but it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared for when the time comes, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Mm,” Margret responded, as though she suddenly lost all interest in the conversation. Not that Narcissa was surprised though; while she once considered the girl to be a friend, she had made it very clear when they were younger that she only cared about Narcissa when she felt as though she were interesting. And while Narcissa was miffed that she apparently did not find her so now, she would much rather have Margret believe she was living a proper life, rather than give her ammo to talk badly behind her back; which most certainly would have happened, should she have told her that she was planning on having children earlier than what would be expected of her. 

Not that it mattered though, if someone like _her_ thought she was uninteresting; already Narcissa held a higher place than her, solely because of who she married. Margret hadn’t even gotten any proposals until she was seventeen, and only then was she asked by Rookwood, who wasn’t much of a looker and no doubt only got pressured into asking someone, _anyone_ at his parent’s behest. As far as Narcissa knew, Margret had never even spoken to the man before they were engaged. She was no more than a name out of a hat, and everyone knew it.

“Your kids’re gonna be bleedin’ gorgeous, they are,” Cassandra piped in, reminding Narcissa that she desperately needed to sit down with the girl and attempt to make her study proper speech. She liked her well enough – in all honesty she was the closest friend she had – but she was still an embarrassment to not only herself, but Narcissa for constantly associating with her. “Your girl’ll probably be fightin’ off proposals by the time she’s eleven, yeah? Wouldn’t doubt it, with her mum’s face bein’ like yours an’ everythin’.”

Narcissa felt herself flush a little at the unexpected compliment, considering she never really considered her facial features to be a point of her attractiveness; especially since her mother used to make a point to mention how ugly she was day in and day out. Her hair used to be her only thing of worth, so it was nice that someone else thought that she had more to offer than that. 

“Yes, well, hopefully your daughter won’t shame you by accepting any of them too early,” Margret responded, her tone holding an underlying dig at Narcissa for having accepted Lucius’ proposal before the proper age. The blonde shot her a sarcastic smile that could cut glass.

“Hopefully not, but I suppose it’s more preferable for her to be coveted, than for her to end up as someone else’s last resort, wouldn’t you agree?”

Margret’s eyes flashed at that, before she turned on her heel and left with a terse, “Excuse me.” Narcissa smirked as she watched the girl walk away from them, hearing Cassandra dissolve into laughter beside her. 

“You see the look on ‘er face? Bloody priceless.”

“She’s such a twit,” Narcissa responded, keeping her voice down so no one would overhear. “I don’t know how she has the audacity to walk around like she’s better than everyone else, when she shamed herself by not getting engaged until she was an adult. Pathetic.”

Shaking her head, Narcissa turned towards her friend then before clasping their hands together, being reminded of something. “Speaking of marriage… you’re nearly sixteen, Cass; why on earth haven’t you been asked yet?” she asked, concern coloring her tone; Narcissa didn’t want her best friend to end up shameful like Margret, after all. It wouldn’t look good for her. “Have you been doing what I told you?”

Cassandra nodded. “Been keepin’ my mouth shut, like you said; just lookin’ pretty an’ all that. But I think no one’s askin’ cause I’m still seein’ Peter, and ‘e—”

“You’re still dating that _ape?_ ” Narcissa exclaimed, absolutely aghast over the information. She would have thought Cassandra would’ve seen the error of her ways by _now._ God, Narcissa couldn’t even bear to think of the children they would have; no matter how beautiful Cassandra was, the Goyle gene would no doubt taint anything they produced beyond repair. 

Cassandra’s cheeks colored in irritation. “Peter’s not an ape, ‘e’s a good man; treats me proper an’ everything! I don’t wanna ‘ear it, Cissa; so shut it.”

“Cassie, the man is an _imbecile,_ ” Narcissa stressed, needing her to understand the gravity of the situation. “Not only did he and his idiot friend stay back a year – which is _clearly_ an indication of bad breeding – but he’s dating _you_ , who… despite your many flaws, is easily the most beautiful girl in that bloody school, and yet he still hasn’t sought to claim you! It’s utterly _foolish._ ”

“’E hasn’t asked yet me cause ‘e’s waitin’ to graduate first; there’s nothin’ wrong with that!” Cassandra defended a little too loudly, which caused Narcissa to wrap her fingers around her bicep and shush her as she led her over to the corner. 

“Cassandra,” she said seriously, voice low as onyx eyes met crystal. “Please promise me that you’ll stop it with this nonsense; time is running out, and you’re too beautiful to be stuck with some second-rate pureblood. You could have the best, and you _should._ ”

Cassandra shot her a glare though, ripping her arm from her friend’s grasp. “Beauty isn’t everythin’, Cissa,” she shot back. “’E makes me happy, an’ I’m allowed to want that. Stop tryin’ to run my bleedin’ life.”

She stormed off after that, leaving Narcissa to feel both frustrated and guilty at the same time. It was true, she did try to run Cassandra’s life, but she was only trying to help. Although in the end, perhaps even that wasn’t entirely correct, as it seemed a little part of Narcissa got off on the ability to control another person. Not having that now was beginning to make her feel a little irate, but she tried to push that feeling away because honestly, that probably made her a really terrible person. 

Narcissa headed towards the refreshment table to refill her wine glass and get a little something to eat, but stopped mid reach towards a cracker when she heard the voice of her aunt in the corner, speaking to a few of the older party goers. “Honestly, what did she do; _eat_ her way through Europe? If her mother wasn’t dead already, the woman would have surely died from shame. It’s utterly embarrassing that she even show herself, let alone believe herself fit to host a party looking like that.”

Suddenly Narcissa didn’t feel very hungry anymore.

Feeling tears begin to burn the back of her eyes, Narcissa fled from the parlor to hide out in the kitchens, knowing she needed a moment to calm down lest she wished to make a fool of herself by crying in front of all of her guests. Palms finding the coolness of the marble counter top, Narcissa locked her elbows as she leaned against it and forced herself to breathe. She wasn’t going to let Walburga do this to her; not today. She was stronger than this; she _had_ to be.

And yet, despite that, a singular tear made its way down her cheek, feeling as though it left a burning trail in its wake. In the end, she still hadn’t built up enough confidence in order for a comment like that not to cut her; and God, it cut her _deep._

“Cissy?” Bellatrix called out as she entered the kitchen, apparently having seen her sister retreat. She also knew full-well that Narcissa would never leave a party in her honor lest something was wrong, and so she started to ask, “Why are you—? _Shit._ ” Noticing the tears on her sister’s cheeks, Bellatrix quickly made her way over to her, grasping the blonde’s arm before pulling her into the closest private space she could find, which apparently was the wine closet.

At the end of the day, Bellatrix knew how important it was to Narcissa that she save face, and should it have been anyone else who walked into the kitchen then, it would have been devastating to her image. At least this provided them with a small bit of privacy.

“The fuck _happened?_ ” Bellatrix asked after she shut the closet door behind them, sounding furious with whoever or _what_ ever dared to make her sister cry. But Narcissa just placed a trembling hand over her mouth as she exhaled a shuddered sob, hating herself for acting this way; she shouldn’t let things like that bother her anymore, she wasn’t a _child._

“ _Narcissa,_ ” Bellatrix tried firmly as she grasped both of the girl’s arms in her hands, forcing the blonde to look at her. “Come on, you know you can’t do this right now; whatever it is, just tell me and I’ll take care of it, alright? Just stop crying.”

“She… she said I must have _eaten_ my way through Europe,” Narcissa struggled to get out through her tears. Her hands were still shaking, and she was sure her nose was beginning to run. God, she must look bloody _awful;_ she was so ashamed of herself. What a joke she was. “She said it was embarrassing that I even _show_ myself while looking like this, and I—”

“ _Who?_ ” Bellatrix raged, looking as though she were now about three seconds from tearing this entire house apart in order to find the culprit of her sister’s sorrow. But Narcissa just shook her head, not wanting Bellatrix to cause a scene; in the end, that would just be worse. 

Narcissa didn’t want Walburga know that she had gotten to her, as she was sure that the cunt had said that _because_ she knew full-well that her niece was in earshot. The woman was still rather irate about not being invited to the wedding, and Narcissa had expected that things like this would go on for quite a while. Still, that didn’t mean she was prepared for them.

“Aunt Walburga,” she admitted softly, before quickly following that up with, “But you can’t say anything, Bella; _promise_ me. I can’t have her—!”

“ _Fuck_ that bleeding cow, Cissy; do you hear me?” Bellatrix interrupted, a fierce protectiveness in her voice as her arms slid around her sister’s waist, holding her close. Gently touching their foreheads together Bellatrix continued, “That hag looks like a sodding dinosaur; don’t you ever listen to anything she has to say. You are easily the most beautiful woman in that room, and everyone knows it.”

Narcissa’s lashes fell to her cheeks, another tear leaking out of the corner of her eye as she held onto her sister, finding her to be her rock amidst miles of open water. “I don’t feel very beautiful,” she breathed sadly, despising herself for having such terrible self-esteem, when she was supposed to be _better_ now.

“Cissy, you’ve always been bloody gorgeous,” Bellatrix tried, reaching up to gently wipe away another tear from her sister’s cheek. “And all of this?” Her hands mapped her body then, taking in the curvature of her hips and the dip of her waist. “Has only made you even more stunning. I look at you, Narcissa, and you take my sodding breath away. Do you understand that? You make me bloody _weak._ ”

Narcissa looked up at her then, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “Really?” she asked softly, hardly able to believe her sister’s words. But Bellatrix cupped her cheek possessively, looking deep into her eyes as she held her close.

“ _Really._ So sod Walburga, yeah? Don’t let her get to you, when you know full-well that there are people out there that would gladly chew off their left fucking arm just for the pleasure of being able to touch you.” 

“You’d chew off your left arm?” Narcissa asked, giggling softly at the absurdity of that declaration. But Bellatrix didn’t laugh with her, wanting her to realize that she was serious.

“In a sodding _second_ , love.”

Narcissa was almost touched by that, until she realized, “…That’s only because you’re right handed,” which made Bellatrix smirk in amusement.

“Trust me, Cissy, you’d want me to keep my right arm; it’s the one I fuck you with.”

Narcissa laughed softly, and the sound falling from her lips instantly made her feel a little lighter; happier. Leaning against her sister’s chest, she snaked her arms around Bellatrix’s waist as she breathed softly, “I love you, Bella.” Bellatrix trying to comfort her meant more to her than anything else in that moment, and she needed her sister to know that it was appreciated.

Bellatrix kissed the top of her head then before pulling away a little, telling her, “Now go clean yourself up, yeah? And then make sure Walburga overhears you shitting all over how shameful it is that her oldest son got sorted into Gryffindor and consorts with mudbloods and the like; you know she bloody hates herself because of how Sirius turned out, so use it to your advantage.”

Narcissa sniffled as she nodded, understanding that if she wanted to immerse herself in this world, then she needed to learn to wield a different kind of weapon in retaliation; her words. It would be the only way she would ever survive it, and she refused to be cut down before she even had a chance to stand on her own two feet.

“And hey, after the party we can eat free of everyone’s sodding judgment and build that fucking bonfire of your old clothes, okay? Cause I wasn’t joking when I said I was setting all that shit on fire.”

Narcissa pursed her lips at that, and her hesitation clearly worried Bellatrix as she grasped her sister’s hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. “Cissy, you’re never gonna fit into that stuff again, do you hear me? Fucking promise me that you don’t want to.”

“No,” Narcissa breathed, realizing that she couldn’t do that to herself again, no matter how terrible Walburga made her feel about her figure. “No, I… I don’t. I like the way you look at me now, it...” She flushed a little then, admitting quietly, “it makes me feel sexy.”

“You _are_ sexy, love,” Bellatrix assured her, before continuing with something that made Narcissa’s stomach twist painfully in her gut. “Surely Lucius has told you the same.” Because he hadn’t; he hadn’t said a word about her new body, but it wasn’t as though she had given him a chance to either.

Off of Narcissa’s look, Bellatrix exclaimed furiously, “Don’t tell me that prick hasn’t even had the decency yet to tell you that you look beautiful. I’m about two seconds away from ripping off his bollocks and shoving them in his sodding _ear;_ him being pissed about me spending time with you doesn’t give him the right to just ignore—”

“No, Bella, it’s not…” Narcissa tried, before sighing softly, palms twisting together in a sudden bout of anxiousness. Her weight shifted between her feet as she hesitantly admitted, “Something’s… happened. I’ll explain after the party, alright? But please just leave it for now. It’s honestly the last thing I want to deal with at the moment.” 

Bellatrix immediately looked torn between being concerned and angry, automatically thinking the worst of Lucius as she reached for her, no doubt to implore her to speak. But Narcissa gently pushed her hands away, firmly requesting, “Bella, please. I said not right now; I’ll tell you later, I swear to you.”

Bellatrix steeled her jaw, clearly not content on being told to _wait_ as she might be the most impatient person on this earth, but she tried to respect her sister’s wishes with a terse sounding, “…Fine. But the second everyone’s out of this damn house, I expect to be told,” which was the most Narcissa could ask for anyway. 

And she knew that perhaps it would be pushing things too far, allowing Bellatrix to stay past the party’s end, as it would surely upset Lucius that his own wife would rather talk to her sister than talk to _him,_ but Narcissa steeled her resolve and tried not to care about how it would look. She needed her sister right then for a variety of reasons, and she was through with feeling guilty about that; and if Lucius really wanted to fix their relationship as he claimed, then he was just going to have to get used to the fact that Bellatrix was and always would be a permanent fixture in her life. 

That’s just the way things were now.

**TBC…**


	4. IV. Winter, 1974

**CHAPTER IV  
Winter, 1974**

The flames jumped and danced before Narcissa’s eyes, the warmth they exuded bringing her a strange sense of comfort as she watched the remnants of her old life go up in smoke. Narcissa wrapped herself in her arms, standing to the right of her sister who held out a liquorice wand in offering as she watched the fire burn hot and bright, no doubt checking if she was still alright after the brutal comment their aunt had made about her weight. Narcissa hesitated for a moment, but eventually reached out to accept it before placing it between her lips and taking a bite.

In all honestly, she didn’t even like the taste of liquorice all that much, but she did it not only to prove to Bellatrix that she was okay, but to prove to herself that she was as well. She refused to start spiraling again just because her aunt was a terrible person.

“So,” Bellatrix said after a long moment’s silence. “You finally gonna tell me what the fuck you were talking about earlier? Because while I’m sure I have _many_ virtues—” Narcissa snorted and Bellatrix smirked, happy that she could at least amuse her. “Patience isn’t among them. So what the hell is going on?”

Narcissa took a deep breath, looking into the fire before her gaze settled further than that, into the house where Lucius sat by one of the windows in the parlor, no doubt just pretending to read the Daily Prophet so he looked like he had something to do while he anxiously waited for her visit with her sister to be over. He hadn’t said anything when Narcissa had told him that Bellatrix would be staying for a little while longer, instead just choosing to nod, respecting her decision even though it was obvious he wasn’t entirely thrilled by it.

“I confronted him,” she admitted softly, knowing full-well that Bellatrix wasn’t going to take it well. “About what it is that he thinks about us.”

Bellatrix blinked, apparently trying to comprehend what it was that her sister just said to her, because surely she had to be joking, right? “…You did _what?_ ”

Narcissa winced a little; she knew this wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation, but she needed her to know what she had done. “Bella, I know—I know that it sounds bad, but I just—”

“Have you lost your bloody _mind?!_ ” Bellatrix exclaimed, although at least had the intelligence to keep her voice down while she did so, in case the sounds carried from the yard into the house where the topic of their current discussion now sat. Her fingers curled around her sister’s arm then, her touch bruising and forceful, making Narcissa exhale a small sound of discomfort as Bellatrix forced her to turn towards her. “Please don’t tell me you were stupid enough to admit it, Narcissa; because so fucking help me, it’s one thing to ruin your own life, but if you drag me down with you, I swear I’ll—!”

“Bella, stop!” Narcissa exclaimed, wrenching herself out of her sister’s grip before taking a full three steps back from her, hurt flashing across her expression from Bellatrix’s obvious threats to her. The woman had been nothing but kind to her lately, and so to hear her sister speak that way to her was almost like a slap to the face. “Of _course_ I didn’t admit it; what do you take me as?”

“Well right now I take you as a fucking idiot, Cissy; what the hell were you _thinking?_ ”

More harsh words; another slap to the face, and Narcissa had to turn away from her so Bellatrix wouldn’t see how upset she was making her. “It’s my marriage,” she defended, voice a little strained. “It’s my decision.”

“Fuck you, ‘it’s your decision’,” Bellatrix spat, furious with her despite not knowing any of the details. Clearly she didn’t have much faith in her, and that devastated Narcissa. “In case you didn’t notice, since it’s _my_ fingers that are so often buried in your cunt, that makes whatever you just did my problem too!”

“Shh!” Narcissa hissed, violently pushing her sister backwards with a furious expression on her face. Thankfully the large bonfire blocked the two sisters from the window’s view, but if Bellatrix didn’t learn to close her loud mouth, that wasn’t going to matter. “Shut your sodding mouth; do you _want_ him to hear us?”

“Well apparently it doesn’t matter much, because you already felt the fucking need to—!” But her words were cut off by a hiss of pain as Narcissa grabbed her sister’s arm, violently digging her fingernails into Bellatrix’s flesh until she felt the skin pop and a sticky liquid embedding itself beneath her nail beds.

“If you don’t shut up _right now,_ ” Narcissa hissed furiously, her gaze dangerously serious while she, for what seemed like the first time in forever, was the one making the threats. But she was done being stepped on; by Bellatrix, by her aunt, by the whole bloody world. She was no one’s victim. “I am going to throw you head first into this sodding fire pit, do you understand me? I will not have you destroy my life.”

The blonde’s words actually seemed to take Bellatrix aback, and for a moment she looked almost impressed by the gall that she had. And it was probably that, more than anything else, that saved her from retaliation as Bellatrix ripped her arm away from her, wiping the small bit of blood Narcissa had drawn on her robes. “Fine,” she conceded, the word coming out practically a growl. “Explain to me then, what the _fuck_ you just did. In detail, so I can properly decide whether or not I should bloody throttle you.”

Narcissa shot her a furious look at that last sentence, but didn’t comment on it. Instead she turned towards the fire, watching the heat that exuded from it melt the snow in its vicinity as she wrapped her arms around herself a little tighter. “You wouldn’t understand,” she began softly. “You and Rodolphus hold no love for one another; he could suspect for the rest of your lives, and it wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t _affect_ anything. But for Lucius and I… it does, and I cannot live with something that dark hovering over our heads. I want _happiness_ with him, Bella, and until I make him believe that nothing’s going on between us, I won’t have that.”

“Still not hearing the specifics on what the fuck you said to him,” Bellatrix responded flatly, impatiently, her arms crossed over her chest as she stared at her sister’s profile. “So get on with it, will you? I don’t have all bloody night.”

Narcissa exhaled a light sigh, glancing at the brunette out of the corner of her eye before she finally turned back to face her. “He said he didn’t trust you with me,” she finally admitted. “He said it made it _worse,_ knowing that I was with you, and I couldn’t just—we’ve had this conversation, Bella, him and I, a long time ago, and I knew what it meant. But more than that, _he_ knew that I knew what he meant, and so I couldn’t just let it go.”

Taking a shuddered inhale of breath, Narcissa’s eyes connected with her sister’s as she breathed apologetically, “He thinks you’re going to rape me, Bellatrix.”

A myriad of emotions played out across the brunette’s face then, from shock to offense to upset to anger, which of course was the one she eventually settled on, because it was what had always made the most sense to Bellatrix. Her eyes darkening in rage and hatred, Bellatrix practically shouted, “…He thinks _what?!_ ”

Because the first time Lucius had accused them of these things, he implied in front of her that it was consensual; or at least that she allowed it to happen, due to the reaction Narcissa had had after the words left his mouth. The rape theory came later, perhaps as a way to justify his wife being involved in something so dark; in the end, it was easier to believe her a victim, and with the way Bellatrix used to be – with her madness and her possessiveness – it wasn’t entirely farfetched to think she could do something like that.

“Shh!” Narcissa tried, pressing her hand over her sister’s mouth in some vain attempt to keep her quiet. “Please, Bella, he can’t know that you know that, because I made him feel guilty by telling him that I had to lie to you and let you believe that he thought it was consensual!”

“Well you did, didn’t you?” Bellatrix snapped, although at least had the sense to keep her voice down this time as she practically ripped Narcissa’s hand away from her mouth. “ _Lie_ to me. For fuck’s sake, why does everyone always think it’s _me_ who’s abusing _you?_ Like you haven’t done your share of screwed up shit to me!”

Narcissa’s eyes fell downcast momentarily, taking in the damage her nails had done to her sister’s arm before she allowed herself to catch her gaze again. She was right; Narcissa wasn’t entirely innocent when it came to the abuse in their relationship, physically _or_ emotionally. However, no matter which way you looked at it, it was still glaringly obvious that Bellatrix had been far worse. In the end though, Narcissa didn’t want to stay on this topic too long and cause her sister to feel even _worse,_ and so she responded with, “I just don’t think he can handle the idea of me participating in something like that willingly. I think he’d rather paint me out to be a victim; it’s easier for him that way.”

“Fuck him.” Bellatrix clenched her jaw, shaking her head as she stared out into the fire. Her fingers were curling into her bicep, nails piercing her own skin as she lashed out at herself rather than the world. “And fuck you for not telling me. Fuck you for not _defending_ me.”

“I did; Bella, I—of _course_ I did!” Narcissa assured her, reaching out in order to provide a sense of comfort. “I have always defended you and always will; every single time Lucius had ever brought up being uncomfortable about us spending time together, I’ve been quick to assure him that you weren’t going to hurt me. That you would _never,_ because you were my sister and you loved me.”

“Yeah, _now._ ” Narcissa watched her sister bite the inside of her cheek as she was suddenly flooded by memories. “It wasn’t always that way though, was it?”

“Bella, stop,” Narcissa tried gently, placing her hand atop her sister’s to force her to stop digging her nails into her skin. Weaving their fingers together, she held her firmly as she told her, “Don’t think about the past; that was a lifetime ago.”

Bellatrix didn’t say anything, just continued to stare out at the fire before she finally decided to move on from that, and asked as she untangled their hands, “What else did you say to him?” And Narcissa was thankful, because she couldn’t have Bellatrix’s guilt consume her; last time that happened, she had almost lost her. She couldn’t bear for that to happen again, no matter what the woman did to her years ago.

“I accused him of _wanting_ you to hurt me,” Narcissa admitted softly. “Just so he could say ‘I told you so.’ Made him feel terrible, painted him out to be awful for it. And then I… I told him that he may make you out to be this horrible person, but that in the end you didn’t just walk away for my safety regarding the Dark Lord; but that you also left because you loved me, and you knew that I loved _him,_ and you didn’t want to ruin my relationship so you decided to take yourself out of equation.”

Bellatrix snorted, although didn’t look very amused. “That’s bullshit.”

“Yes, but… I’m trying to make him feel awful, and saying something like that furthered that end,” Narcissa admitted, knowing exactly how that made her sound. But what was done was done, and she needed it to be this way. “I need all of this to be dramatic, Bella; I need to lay the guilt on heavy and thick, and I need to make him realize that I’m willing to destroy our relationship over how offended I am that he would think those things. It’s the only way he’ll ever stop; the only way he’ll never go looking for proof of what we’re doing with one another. If shattering what I have with Lucius is the only way to rebuild it into something stronger, then so be it. I won’t live this way anymore.”

“The hell do you mean, ‘shattering what you have’?” Bellatrix asked, suddenly turning towards her in disbelief and concern, looking as though she couldn’t fathom the conclusion those words had brought her. She reached out for her then, her touch rough but not bruising as she implored, “Cissy, what the fuck have you _done?_ ”

“I told him that I might still be his wife,” Narcissa responded, eyes catching her sister’s, an apology in her gaze, as she knew this wasn’t something Bellatrix would want for her. “But that I was no longer his lover.”

Bellatrix just stared at her.

“I… had the house elf move his things to the guestroom earlier. I just needed—”

“You…” Bellatrix interrupted, her voice deadly serious and firm, and for half a second there Narcissa thought she might actually understand; sympathize. But of course that wasn’t the case when the brunette finished, “Fucking _idiot._ ”

Narcissa looked away, the words stinging her.

“You—you selfish little _shit_ ,” Bellatrix continued, letting go of Narcissa like she had been burned. The blonde’s stomach sank in her gut, causing her to fear making eye contact with the woman who was currently lecturing her. “Do you not realize what you _have?_ The rest of us, we get trapped in loveless marriages that make us bloody _miserable,_ and you—perfect little fucking Narcissa, of course gets her fairytale ending with her prat of a prince, and yet because it’s not _good enough_ for you, you throw it _away?_ ”

Narcissa had never thought of it that way, and Bellatrix’s words twisted like a knife in her gut as her eyes began to mist over. Her sister shook her head in disgust then, stepping away from her as she finished, “God, a part of me hopes he doesn’t come crawling back to you, because you clearly don’t fucking deserve to have something like that in the first place. I can’t believe you really did that; that’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever sodding heard.”

“I did it for _us—_ ” Narcissa tried, but Bellatrix was having none of that. 

“Bullshit,” she snapped, looking at her furiously. “Whether you confronted him or not didn’t change _our_ relationship, Cissy; so don’t you dare use me as some kind of catalyst for your shitty life decisions. _Your_ problem is that you think you’re bloody entitled to it all, and when you’re dealt something less than perfect you become reckless and utterly moronic in your attempt to ‘fix’ it. You could have been decently happy before, but because of your greed you’ve now run the risk of ending up with absolutely nothing. Tell me, does that sound _worth it_ to you?”

“He won’t leave me,” Narcissa responded, but her voice was barely above a whisper, and it was the farthest thing from certain. She knew her sister would be angry about this, but she never thought she would almost take it as a personal insult of sorts. But perhaps it was foolish to believe anything else, when Narcissa already knew full-well how jealous other purebloods would be of their marriage should they find out they were truly happy. And Bellatrix, apparently, was not an exception. 

“You better hope you’re fucking right,” Bellatrix responded, looking at her in such a way that it caused Narcissa to feel as though she had shrunk at least six inches in height. “Because if he does, it wouldn’t be as though you didn’t deserve it.”

Narcissa’s eyes fell closed then as a singular tear made its way down her cheek. She hadn’t expected Bellatrix to act this way, and now that she was she wasn’t sure she could emotionally handle it; she had already put so much stock in her sister’s kindness that it was as though she forgot how harsh the woman could really be, but the worst part of it was that she knew Bellatrix wasn’t even doing this to be cruel. She was just being honest. 

Narcissa heard the sound of the sliding backdoor then, and she quickly wiped the tears off her cheeks before she turned back around, seeing Lucius begin to approach the two women from the other side of the bonfire. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to… interrupt,” Lucius said in greeting, looking a little apprehensively towards Bellatrix, who looked like she would like nothing more than to tear the heads off babies. He turned towards his wife then though, and asked with a forced politeness, “I just wanted to know if I should have the house elf prepare the guest room for the night.”

Bellatrix’s eyebrows nearly shot off her face. “The fuck; you’re _inviting_ me to stay now?” she asked disbelievingly, her tone causing Lucius to bristle a little, as he probably wasn’t expecting something that aggressive in return; at least considering the proposition.

“I was asking Narcissa if that was what she wanted,” Lucius corrected, glancing at Bellatrix like she should know better. “You're _her_ sister; I wouldn’t extend an invitation without her permission.” Meaning, he wouldn’t extend an invitation at _all_ unless Narcissa wanted it, because he sure as hell didn’t.

“Jesus Christ,” Bellatrix responded disbelievingly, motioning towards Lucius as she looked at the blonde next to her incredulously. “He… he just _kisses your fucking arse,_ doesn’t he? You basically told him to fuck off, and yet he’s _still_ trying to make you happy. God, are you—are you mentally fucking _deficient?_ ” 

Bellatrix’s tone was practically shrieking, and the sound of it caused Narcissa wince and Lucius to back up a full two steps, this look of utter disbelief on his face, because for a second there, it might actually seem like Bellatrix was defending _him._ That was not a concept that he could easily comprehend, and so he kind of just gaped at her as Bellatrix continued ranting. 

“Look at him!” she snapped, grasping onto her sister’s shoulders and forcing Narcissa to turn around. “That’s the best you’re ever going to get, do you hear me? He might be spineless and irritating, but he fucking loves you. So do me a favor and fuck _off_ with your stupid little hissy fit; if the worst Lucius does is offend you, then you’re still better off than the rest of us.” 

Bellatrix let her go then, practically shoving her away and nearly making Narcissa trip before she attempted to steady herself. “And _you,_ ” Bellatrix snarled, pointing at Lucius, who still didn’t look as though he could make heads or tails of what was going on, “need to get over your bloody insecurities, or incest obsession, or whatever the _fuck_ it is that you have an issue with right now. You have something so rare that it’s both coveted and condemned, and if you both selfishly throw that away over some stupid _bullshit_ while the rest of us have to go home and be bloody miserable every day, believe me when I tell you that I’ll _give_ you something to be unhappy about; do you hear me?” 

“Bella, stop it; this isn’t your business—” 

“Fuck you, it’s ‘not my business’,” Bellatrix spat, taking a step backwards from her as she shook her head in disgust of the decisions she had made. “You know what? Screw it. Rodolphus was right about one thing; I coddle you too much. It’s not my job to fix your life, Narcissa; so either get your shit together and fix it yourself, or watch it come crumbling down around you. I don’t care anymore.” 

She turned on the spot then, disapparating with a loud crack that caused Narcissa to sink to her knees in the snow, covering her face as she realized what the hell she had just done. Not to Lucius, as what she had done to him was intentional, but what she did to Bellatrix was not; and she wished she had had more sense to think about things from her sister’s perspective before she opened her sodding mouth, because in some backwards way that didn’t make much sense at a first glance of things, she was actually _offending_ Bellatrix by not staying with Lucius. 

What an odd twist of fate that was. 

“What on earth was _that_ about?” Lucius asked, still unable to fathom why the hell Bellatrix would ever defend her sister’s relationship with a man that she clearly didn’t favor. “Why was she so bloody upset about it? I would have thought she’d enjoy watching our relationship fall to pieces.” 

“She’s _gay,_ Lucius,” Narcissa stressed, the words nearly being muffled by her hands as she slid them down to her cheeks to cover her mouth momentarily. God, how could she have been so foolish? 

“So?” 

“So she never even had a _chance,_ ” Narcissa responded, upset in her voice as she looked up at her husband from her place on the ground. “She never even had a chance at happiness; no matter which way things turned out for her, she would have always been forced into a marriage she didn’t want. There is no happy ending for her, and yet she watched me get mine. She watched me get mine, and now she’s watching me gamble with it; of course that fucking infuriates her. It’s not about you, or even me; it’s about watching someone else throw away what she can’t ever have. Fuck… how could I have been so _stupid?_ I should have never spoken about this with her.” 

Lithe fingers curled into blonde strands then, Narcissa fisting her hair as she shook her head and stared into the fire. Lucius bent down then, getting on her level as he tried to comfort her with, “Narcissa, it’s not your fault; you have enough going on, you shouldn’t be expected to—” 

“Oh my god, _stop,_ ” Narcissa begged, looking up at him like she couldn’t fathom how he was even being this way with her right now; almost as though the fact that he was being _nice_ to her after everything she had done caused her terrible frustration. Was Bellatrix right? Was she greedy; did she take all of this for granted? Or was it unreasonable, to be expected not to strive for the kind of happiness that she wanted, just because it would upset everyone else around her? 

Narcissa shook her head, rising to her feet. “I need space. I can’t do this right now, I’m sorry,” she apologized, knowing that after Bellatrix’s demands that they fix their shit that they probably had a lot to talk about. Still, Narcissa wasn’t ready to; she still didn’t know if her sister was right, or if she was just projecting her frustrations with her own life onto her. 

And so Narcissa walked away from him, leaving things the way they were until she was able to figure out whether or not she was being unreasonable, and if she should lay this issue to rest should she find that she was. 

[x]

It took Narcissa nearly a full day to figure out what it was that she wanted to do. And while she saw her sister’s point, there was also a part of her that resented always doing what she was told; to have her life run for her, instead of being the one in control. It was why she spiraled in the first place, wasn’t it? Not having control over her own life. Unless she wanted to fall apart again, Narcissa knew she had to see this through; if nothing else, then to prove that she wasn’t as stupid and useless as everyone seemed to think she was.

She _would_ have it all; even it was selfish, even if it was reckless, she was going to be the one who was right this time. 

However, having it all meant that she needed not only her husband groveling for her attentions back, but her sister happy with her. And while Lucius was easy, as he was already purchasing flowers and the like in order to buy her forgiveness, Bellatrix was not. And so in order to rectify that situation, after Lucius headed off to work in the morning, Narcissa put careful effort into her appearance before finally leaving her house, heading off to her sister’s. After all, if she was trying to sway Bellatrix, looking desirable _definitely_ wouldn’t hinder that outcome in any way.

After apparating outside of the Lestrange’s manor, Narcissa’s hand reached out to touch the doorbell before delicately folding them in front of her body as she straightened her spine. If she wanted to have more confidence, and if she wanted to become a proper pureblooded wife, then she was going to have to start learning to hold herself like one. It felt a little forced and strange, but it didn’t last long anyway as the door opened and she was greeted by the house elf.

“I’m here to see my sister,” she told her, so the creature could properly announce her.

The house elf, who was clearly different from the last one they had when she lived there, nodded her head in recognition before turning towards the inside of the house and announcing, “Madame Malfoy has arrived for her sister, Madame Lestrange!” 

“Thank you,” Narcissa responded as she stepped inside, her voice a little terse because she knew expressing gratitude to the servants was generally looked down on. But after basically being treated like property by both her mother _and_ Bellatrix when her sister was less than sane, Narcissa couldn’t bear to be cruel to those who were owned. Perhaps it was a foolish notion, as it wasn’t as though house elves were _human,_ but that was how she felt.

“You know,” Rodolphus began, coming into the foyer to greet her. “Just because Lucius and I are allowing you both to see one another again, doesn’t mean you have to do it every bloody day.”

Narcissa shot him a scathing look in response to that ridiculous declaration. Apparently, despite Bellatrix having forcefully put him in place, the man still had the audacity to act as though _he_ was the one who was allowing these visits. It was immensely pathetic. 

“Not that it’s any of your business, but Bella and I got into it the other day; I’m here to set things right.”

“You’re fighting again? _Shocking,_ ” Rodolphus responded dryly, causing Narcissa’s eyes to narrow even further. Perhaps she and her sister had more arguments than most, but that was only because they were both passionate people. Rodolphus strode right past her though, grabbing his coat off the rack before sliding it on. “Tell her I’ll be home for dinner, if she cares.”

“You can’t tell her yourself?” Narcissa asked, not fond of being used as someone’s bloody owl.

“We’d prefer not to speak to one another unless it’s absolutely necessary, and considering _you’re_ here it isn’t, now is it?” Rodolphus shot back, clearly agitated beyond belief as he left in parting with a, “ _Goodbye,_ Narcissa,” that sounded more like a ‘fuck you’ than anything else. The door slammed behind him and Narcissa huffed and rolled her eyes. 

What an insufferable prick.

The sound of the door slamming though at least seemed to get Bellatrix’s attention and she stormed down the stairs muttering angrily, “If that arse broke the _fucking_ frame again, I swear to God—” But she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of her sister at the base of the stairwell, her jaw clenching before she demanded, “The hell are you doing here?”

“Your house elf announced me,” Narcissa defended, because it wasn’t as though she was rude enough to just walk right in. “You didn’t hear her?”

“I was busy,” was all Bellatrix offered as an excuse, although that didn’t really answer the question. Perhaps she had just ignored her and hoped either Rodolphus would run her out, or she would leave on her own. “But again I ask, what the fuck are you doing here? Because I’m pretty sure I didn’t invite you.”

Narcissa exhaled a soft sigh at her sister’s antagonistic behavior; not that she wasn’t expecting it, as Bellatrix would rather always lash out than appear weak and accommodating, but it was still tiring. With how she had been lately, Narcissa had hoped she had moved on from that, but perhaps it was foolish to think that a hippogriff would ever change its feathers. Just because Bellatrix was nice to her for a little while, didn’t mean that she would always be that way. Still, Narcissa coveted that side of her sister, and so she sought it out with a plea for forgiveness.

“I’m here to apologize,” she told her, voice unwavering. “Now could we please sit down like adults so I can do so? These shoes aren’t very comfortable, and I’d prefer not to get blisters.”

Bellatrix’s gaze fell to her footwear then, a pair of platform pumps with a heel that was so unlike anything she usually wore. Usually Narcissa preferred ‘attractive yet sensible’, but with their clean black finish and five inch spikes, these were clearly only the former, and Bellatrix’s eyebrow quirked at the sight of them. 

“You do realize it’s ten in the morning, yes?”

“They went with my outfit,” Narcissa defended, but didn’t elaborate. Her coat covered what it was she wore underneath at the moment, and she looked at her sister expectantly as she reiterated, “Well? Are we going to adjourn to the sitting room or not?”

Bellatrix had a heavy eye roll reserved for that, mocking ‘adjourn to the sitting room’ under her breath as she finally descended the last of the stairs. “Elf!” she shouted while at the bottom of them, her shrieking tone making Narcissa wince before the house elf apparated before her in record time. “Take my sister’s coat,” she ordered, barely even sparing the creature a glance. “And then get us some tea; I’m sure Miss Prim-and-Proper over here will lecture me on my shit manners if I don’t offer her some.”

Narcissa shot her a decidedly unamused look at that, but undid the buttons on her coat before sliding the material off her shoulders. After placing it in the elf’s outstretched hand, Narcissa busied herself smoothing out the small creases in the fabric as she felt her sister watch on in interest. It wasn’t risqué by any means; it still fell knee-length and covered a fair amount of skin, including her shoulders, but it hugged her curves and had an open neckline that accented the swell of her breasts in a flattering, yet tasteful manner. It was black with an accent of red around her bust, and that was where Narcissa caught her sister staring as she looked up and asked, “What?” as innocently as she could muster without it sounding faked.

Bellatrix blinked. “Nothing,” she responded, sounding a little defensive about that as she forced herself to move past her sister as she demanded, “Come on.”

Narcissa smirked; apparently this had been a good choice. It was sexy enough to draw attention, but not enough that her sister could accuse her of trying to seduce her. Because if Bellatrix _knew_ she was being manipulated, then that would defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it?

She followed her into the parlor then, delicately placing herself in one of the arm chairs while Bellatrix practically flopped into hers. “Jesus, it’s like someone rammed a giant stick up your ass,” Bellatrix noted, which just made Narcissa narrow her eyes at her while she crossed one leg over the other, allowing the hem of her dress to ride up a bit as she subtly showed off the curves of her legs.

Narcissa still didn’t feel entirely comfortable in her own body, finding the added weight to be strange when she looked at herself in the mirror, but when she saw herself reflected in Bellatrix’s gaze, that all changed. Her sister used to always look at her as though she wanted to devour her, but her new curves seemed to give her a more womanly figure that Bellatrix practically salivated over. 

And not subtly either. 

Her sheer stockings had a seam that ran up the back of it, a line which Bellatrix seemed to be following with her eyes before it was hidden by her position around mid-calf. Abandoning that task, Bellatrix’s gaze bypassed her sister’s neatly folded hands in her lap to land a little further up, on her cleavage that was being heavily accented by the position of her arms; and you know, for making fun of the way she was sitting, Bellatrix sure didn’t seem to mind the advantage it gave to practically ogling her. Whether her sister wanted to admit it or not, a part of her had a hard on for a proper woman; that much was blatantly obvious.

The house elf appeared next to them with a loud crack then, apparently startling the crap out of Bellatrix as she exclaimed, “—Shit!” just as the creature proclaimed proudly, “Minsy has returned with Mistress’s tea!” 

But the second she put the tray down, Bellatrix lashed out and hit the elf with the back of her hand, knocking it to the ground as she snapped, “What the bloody hell have I told you about doing that right next to me?!”

“Bella!” Narcissa exclaimed, finding her reaction completely unwarranted. Yes, perhaps house elves were often disciplined in that way, but the thing had merely startled her; it didn’t screw anything up. Bellatrix was just overreacting, as usual. 

Minsy trembled on her place on the floor, eyes downcast as she hastily apologized, “Minsy is very sorry, Mistress. Very sorry!”

“Get out of my sight,” Bellatrix snapped, completely uncaring about the apology. The house elf nodded before picking herself up off the floor and scurrying off, and once she was gone Bellatrix looked up and noticed the expression on her sister’s face. “What?”

“There was no reason to hit her, Bella; she merely startled you.”

“What do you care? It’s a fucking elf; the thing’s replaceable,” Bellatrix scoffed, dismissing her sister’s concern. “Already had to get _that_ one because Rodolphus used the last one as bloody target practice; apparently he feels better when he can rip something else to shreds since he knows he can’t touch me.”

Narcissa pursed her lips at that, but refrained from commenting. That creature’s welfare wasn’t worth getting into another fight with her sister because she was right; it _was_ just an elf. Still, watching everyone deal constant abuse to them made her feel a little uncomfortable. She supposed she needed to suck it up though, because it wasn’t as though that was ever going to change, and the _last_ thing she needed was to stand out in regards to such issues.

“Anyway, what the hell were you saying?” Bellatrix asked as she reached over to pour the tea, apparently having thought that during her intense staring match with her sister’s body, she had begun talking. Narcissa let her believe that.

“I was saying you were right—” Which immediately got Bellatrix’s attention, as she always preferred those words. 

“I usually am, but go on.”

Narcissa resisted the urge to roll her eyes at that as she took the offered cup into her hands, feeling the heat from the tea warm her palms. “Sometimes I do take what I have with Lucius for granted, and I shouldn’t, because not many others are as lucky as I am; you most of all. You never even had a chance to marry someone of your choosing given your preferences, and I can see why what I did upset you, and why you believe it to be selfish. However—”

“’However’ is just a fancy word for ‘but’, and already I’m liking this conversation a lot less if you’re gonna tell me I’m right and then immediately shit all over it,” Bellatrix responded, sounding defensive again. Narcissa sighed softly, taking a small sip of her tea.

“Bella, can you please just—allow me to finish? Please.”

Bellatrix grumbled something inaudible under her breath, but folded her arms across her chest as she slunk further into her seat, which was about the most compliance Narcissa was going to get. Honestly, the woman was twenty-two years old and still insisted on acting like an irate toddler at times.

After placing her teacup back down on the small table, Narcissa smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress and continued, “ _However,_ while my original intentions may have been selfish, this stands to gain something for the both of us. Lucius is already trying to make it up to me, and should I allow it to continue on a little longer, I’m certain he’ll be practically groveling for my forgiveness. And maybe it’s cruel of me to do this to him, but at the end of the day, I’m not just doing this so I can be happy in my marriage, but so I can be happy with _you._ ”

“Bella,” she implored, gently getting up from her position in the armchair to cross the small space between them, sinking to the floor in front of her as she clasped her sister’s hands in her own. Bellatrix always did like her on her knees, and the dilation of the older woman’s pupils did not go unnoticed. “I want us to live free of suspicion, free of fear. I want to be able to hold you and kiss you and not be afraid that someone is lurking around the corner, waiting to catch us. And I know this isn’t what you prefer, and I know it won’t solve all our problems, but I think this might finally give us the freedom to be with one another in _my_ house, at the very least. Don’t you want that?”

Her hand touched Bellatrix’s cheek at that last sentence, imploring her as she looked up at her with wide, innocent eyes. And instead of seeing defensiveness and argument in her sister’s expression, all Bellatrix looked was a little confused, yet accommodating; like she knew she was being manipulated, but she wasn’t sure how, because Narcissa had never been able to control her like this. 

And so she agreed with her, as she didn’t have much of a choice after a question like that. “Of course I want that, Cissy, but—” And Narcissa had assumed that Bellatrix would try to make an amendment in order to make herself feel like this thought was her own, but she cut her off before she could finish the words. 

“No, please don’t say ‘but’; that makes it sound as though you have no faith in me,” Narcissa responded, trying to make her sister feel guilty as she made certain to look as though that thought wounded her. Allowing her fingertips to trail down the curvature of Bellatrix’s cheek, Narcissa briefly brushed the pads of her fingers over her full lips as she dropped her voice down a few octaves and asked, “You do have faith in me… don’t you, Bella?”

Touching her sister’s lips seemed to be one step too far though, and her wrist was quickly snatched in a vice grip as Bellatrix looked down at her, suddenly looking _very_ amused at the situation presented to her which, at the very least, was much better than her growing angry over it. “I know what you’re trying to do, you know.”

“Oh?” Narcissa asked, feigning innocence despite inwardly berating herself for being too obvious. She had been _so close._ “And what might that be?”

“You’re trying to seduce me into getting your way,” Bellatrix responded, calling her out without any hint of hesitation, which meant she was entirely sure of her theory that was, unfortunately, very correct. She smirked, a hint of amusement still pulling at the edges of her lips before she broke her long pause and told her, “—You’re lucky I’m enjoying it. I have to admit, it’s much better than you throwing a tantrum.”

Narcissa felt a little irritated by that, as she was certain she didn’t throw _tantrums,_ thank you very much, but she pushed that aside to focus on what was actually important in that moment. Her eyebrow quirking in question, she asked, “Does that mean you’ll let me have my way?” It almost sounded too good to be true, even with Bellatrix’s hormones overriding all else, as per usual.

But Bellatrix’s smirk just grew, apparently enjoying the change in dynamic between them. “…For now,” she conceded, before extending a trade-off of sorts. “But first, I’m going to need you to bend over in that dress; I don’t like to have my tea without a proper meal first, and clearly you put a lot of attention into your appearance today. It would be rude to let it go unacknowledged.”

Narcissa blinked; not expecting that. Well, of course she did; but not where they currently were. “What, _here?_ ” she asked, because they were directly in the middle of Bellatrix’s parlor; it wasn’t exactly private. 

“Yes, _here;_ it’s where my tea is, isn’t it? Now get up,” she told her, encouraging Narcissa to her feet with a tug on her clasped wrist. “Besides,” Bellatrix continued before she placed her hands on her sister’s hips, turning her around rather forcefully as she caused the blonde to gasp softly from the possessive treatment. “Rodolphus won’t be home until dinner; and believe me when I tell you he doesn’t want to spend any unnecessary time with me. He won’t be returning early.”

Narcissa’s brow creased. “How did you know he wouldn’t be home until dinner?” She hadn’t told her, after all.

“Come on, Cissy; get a clue,” Bellatrix chided, beginning to hike the material up around her sister’s waist. Hooking her fingers in the garters that held up Narcissa’s stockings, Bellatrix snapped them back into place and smirked in amusement when her actions made the blonde jump. “Of course I heard him, and of course I was fucking ignoring you. Bend over,” she directed, placing a hand on the small of Narcissa’s back as she forced her to careen forwards and place her hands on the glass surface of the coffee table. Narcissa flushed in arousal and embarrassment then as she heard her sister chuckle at the sight that was presented to her. “No knickers? _Subtle._ ”

“Shut up; don’t act as though you don’t enjoy it,” Narcissa shot back, her tone a little breathless as she felt her sister spread her with her fingers. But Bellatrix just continued to laugh softly, her breath being exhaled across the younger woman’s center as she watched Narcissa’s opening tighten in need.

“Honestly, Cissy? Watching you begin to shape yourself into the woman you want to become might be the only damn thing I _do_ enjoy in life.”

Narcissa was unexpectedly taken back by her sister’s words, but the feeling was short lived as it was soon replaced by something better as Bellatrix’s mouth wrapped around her sex, taking the entirety of her labia into her mouth as she sucked softly. Narcissa exhaled a loud groan as she reached behind her, fisting her fingers in a mess of curls as she widened her stance and pushed back her hips, inviting her sister to completely devour her.

And maybe she hadn’t manipulated Bellatrix as easily as she thought she would, maybe she got called out on what she was doing and maybe she still had a lot to learn, but at the end of the day, Narcissa did get her way and right then, that was the only damn thing that mattered to her.

Because it proved that for once in her life, she didn’t just have to do what everyone instructed of her.

**TBC…**


	5. V. Spring, 1974

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are just here for Cissatrix and/or femslash, fair warning that there is an explicit het sex scene at the end of this chapter. Also thank you so much to those of you who have been reviewing. Makes me smile every time I see one in my inbox :)

**CHAPTER V  
Spring, 1974**

“Have. You. Lost. Your. _Mind?!_ ” Narcissa practically shrieked the moment she laid eyes on her sister, each word being accented with a smack to the brunette’s arm. The mild violence caused Bellatrix to look disgruntled as she practically swatted the smaller woman off of her, looking at her like she couldn’t understand where this sudden aggression was coming from.

“Jesus, _what?_ I just got here; what the fuck could I have possibly done in five seconds?”

Narcissa looked at her incredulously; was she kidding her with this innocent act? Because it wasn’t funny. “ _You told Lucius to preform Legilimency on me!_ ” she shouted, which was… God, easily the _stupidest_ thing her sister could have ever suggested. Did she not understand what could happen if he saw something he wasn’t supposed to?!

Bellatrix always liked playing with fire, but this was too far; especially considering how things have been between her and Lucius lately.

Bellatrix though, for the most part, remained rather unperturbed as she casually leaned against the parlor wall, lightly rolling her eyes like Narcissa’s dramatics were completely unwarranted. “Oh. _That._ ”

Narcissa blinked at her sister’s calm demeanor. “’Oh, that’?” she repeated disbelievingly. “That’s all you have to say for yourself? ‘Oh, _that’_?!” Firm hands connected with her sister’s body then, fury behind darkened eyes as Narcissa shrieked, “Do you have _any_ idea what could happen if he saw the truth about us? What the hell are you trying to _do?_ ”

“I’m _trying_ to motivate you to keep your bloody guard up at all times,” Bellatrix shot back, like that should have been obvious. “This isn’t a game, Narcissa; you need to be prepared for an unexpected attack on your mind from anyone, from anywhere. This isn’t just about the Dark Lord anymore; the war has already begun, and should the Ministry find out either Lucius’ or my identities, you’ll no doubt be brought in for questioning and charged for conspiracy _if you don’t learn to sodding close your mind!_ ”

The intensity of her sister’s words momentarily rendered Narcissa mute. She knew, logically, that, despite not taking the mark, she was still indirectly responsible for what the Death Eaters did, as she had been fully aware of their actions for years and yet did not report them to the proper authorities. She was still very much an outsider though, and it was that which probably caused her to be unable to really grasp the gravity of the situation before now. But Bellatrix was right; if her sister and her husband were exposed, then she would be the first person the Ministry came to for questioning. And if they found out that she knew all this time… well, Narcissa was fairly certain she wouldn’t survive in Azkaban, and that absolutely terrified her.

Off the look that had plastered itself across her sister’s face, Bellatrix pointedly finished with, “Get it now, do you?” But Narcissa just looked like she realized the world was a much bigger and scarier place than she thought it was five minutes ago, and Bellatrix exhaled a small sigh as she pushed herself off the wall, crossing the distance between them. 

“Look,” she began again, this time softer as she ran comforting hands down the blonde’s arms. “I know you like to live in your happy little bubble of properness and wealth, but shit’s changing, and fast. So yeah, if I’m gonna make you paranoid over the fact that Lucius or me or Rodolphus could perform Legilimency on you at any given moment—”

Narcissa’s mouth dropped open. “You told _Rodolphus_ to as well?!” 

But Bellatrix ignored her outburst and continued pointedly with, “Then that’s what I’m gonna bloody do, do you hear me? I’m trying to _protect_ you, Cissy; and if scaring the piss out of you is a way to motivate you to master Occlumency, then so be it. You don’t want people to find out about us? Then don’t fuck it up. Be on your guard at all times, and never drop it.”

“Don’t disappoint me, Narcissa,” Bellatrix finished seriously, a gentle finger being placed beneath her chin in order to coax the younger woman to look her in the eye. “Swear to it, because it’s not just your life that stands to get fucked up if you fail.”

Narcissa took a shuddered inhale of breath, all of a sudden feeling extremely pressured. She had expected to pop off at Bellatrix for being an idiot, and that her sister would realize she was putting them at an unnecessary risk and tell Lucius to back off, but the war changed things rather substantially for them, and while Narcissa had known for a long time that it would eventually come to pass, she in no way expected it to be this soon. Perhaps in the end though, she was just fooling herself; they had been preparing for years now, and what was preparation without execution? 

Still, Narcissa looked at her sister, and her heart clenched in her chest with fear and sorrow because she was still… she was still so _young._ Sometimes, with how terrifying of a force Bellatrix could be, it was easy to forget how young she really was. And while Narcissa tried to have faith that no matter what happened her sister would never leave her, war inevitably meant death, and all Narcissa could do in that moment was pray that it didn’t mean Bellatrix’s. But she said nothing on the subject, already knowing full-well that Bellatrix would willingly die for the Dark Lord’s cause should it mean his victory, and right then, Narcissa didn’t think she could bear to hear it confirmed. It was one thing to know, yet quite another to hear it voiced out loud. 

“Cissy,” Bellatrix said, voice deadly serious as she maintained eye contact, apparently unaware of her sister’s current inner turmoil as Narcissa’s fear of death and abandonment began to swallow her whole. “ _Swear to me._ ”

“I—” Narcissa tried, before her voice got a little choked up and she had to clear her throat in order for her promise to sound assured, despite not feeling so in the slightest. “I won’t disappoint you, Bella; I swear.” 

Bellatrix looked at her then, as though perhaps she was trying to detect a lie in her sister’s words; and while she probably knew just as well as Narcissa that something like that couldn’t be guaranteed, she seemed to realize that the blonde was serious about trying to protect them as she finally gave her a short nod, her gaze flickering across Narcissa’s delicate features as she responded with, “Good.”

Narcissa released a breath she didn’t know she had been holding, yet still felt a bit like she was drowning as she looked up at her sister, wishing more than anything in that moment that she could just take her and run; that she was strong enough to keep her safe, keep her alive. But it was Bellatrix who knew she was capable enough to do the protecting as she looked down at her, thumb gently dusking the fullness of Narcissa’s bottom lip as she touched her as though she were something precious, something worthwhile.

“You know I’d tear down the bloody sky to protect you, yeah?” she said softly, making Narcissa’s stomach tighten as she caught her sister’s eyes. “I’d fucking burn the world for you, Narcissa, but if I can’t be there to save you, then I need you to be strong enough to save yourself.”

“Bella…” Narcissa breathed, sorrow tainting her words as she couldn’t bear to believe a day like that would ever come to pass. It was one thing for Bellatrix to try to scare her into mastering Occlumency to protect their shameful secret, but quite another for the brunette to need her to be prepared should the Ministry ever get her hands on her. It made the war all too real, and that disoriented her quite terribly because when Narcissa had woken up this morning, she didn’t think anything had changed.

But it had. It changed quite substantially, and Narcissa didn’t know what to do about that.

“Oh, relax; I’m not trying to tell you I’m gonna die or something,” Bellatrix responded, chuckling a little at the severity of her sister’s reaction. She looked about two seconds away from bursting into tears. “Just that some things apparently need to be handled more ‘delicately’ than others,” air quotes around that word were accompanied by an eye roll, almost as though this was something Bellatrix had been lectured on before, “which you know isn’t exactly my forte. I’d tear that fucking building down with my bare hands to save you, Cissy, you know that; but if it’s better that I don’t, then…”

Narcissa stepped away from her. “You mean, if _he_ thinks it better that you just leave me there?” Always. It was always about fucking _him._ Sometimes she wondered if Bellatrix would just watch her die if he ordered her too. It was a thought that tore her to shreds inside, unable to stomach the thought of Bellatrix being callous enough to allow something like that; it would make every ‘I love you’ that the woman said to her nothing but a cruel joke, and that made Narcissa want to tear herself apart.

Bellatrix shot her an exasperated look, like her dramatics were both unwarranted and incredibly irritating. “Oh, take a pill. You think I don’t know that you covet some kind of bullshit idea of normalcy more than anything else? How normal do you think your life will be if I go into that building and slaughter anyone who had to do with your questioning; you think you could just come back here like nothing ever happened? So don’t give me this shit, Narcissa; not everything is a bloody competition for my loyalties. I was trying to think of you, and what _you_ would want.”

Narcissa wished she could believe that, but there would always be that nagging fear in the back of her mind that at the end of the day, her sister would choose the Dark Lord over her. Bellatrix was infatuated with him; perhaps even a little in love with him, despite her preference not even being men. But love was different than sex, and while Narcissa ached to believe that her sister’s love for her ran deeper than anything else, she would always be afraid that her sister’s obsession with that man and his ideals would delude her into believing she was fighting for the ‘greater good,’ and that that was more important one singular person who was supposed to be her everything.

Which it would be, perhaps, if Bellatrix really was trying to change the world for the better. And while Narcissa couldn’t deny that she would prefer the world the Death Eaters were trying to build, a world where purebloods were considered royalty once more, no longer expected to mingle with the common folk of the world, in the end, she knew with the kind of man that Voldemort was, he would no doubt commit genocide on a mass scale in order to achieve it. Narcissa might find the existence of mudbloods and the like absolutely atrocious, but she didn’t want them to _die;_ she just didn’t want them living in the same areas as her or sharing the same schools as her children, was that too much to ask?

“If I was merely being questioned, then yes, I would want you to stay out of it,” Narcissa admitted, because Bellatrix was right on that front; she _did_ crave a normal life, and being forcefully taken out of the Ministry’s hands when her guilt had yet to be declared was not conducive to such. However… “If I’m found guilty of conspiracy though, and sentenced to Azkaban, I would absolutely want you to save me.” Narcissa’s eyes bore into her sister’s then, taking a step towards her as she challenged, “ _Would_ you?”

Bellatrix though, of course, completely avoided the question. “It won’t come to that.” 

“You don’t know that,” Narcissa responded, because she didn’t. She _couldn’t_. “Answer the question.”

“I _do_ know that, because you told me you wouldn’t disappoint me,” Bellatrix countered, suddenly turning this around to make her sister look like she was the one in the wrong here. “And you know it doesn’t make me happy when you lie to me, Narcissa.”

And maybe, if this was years ago, that would have worked. Even now, even with how much stronger Narcissa had become as a person, there was still a part of her that ached to apologize and swear to her sister that she would never disappoint her, never _lie_ to her, but Narcissa knew now how incredibly fucked up that instinct was. “You’re unbelievable,” Narcissa spat, looking at Bellatrix like she couldn’t believe she tried to manipulate her like that. “How dare you try to turn this around on me, when all this conversation has proven is that _you’re_ the liar between the two of us. You claim you want to protect me, and yet you can’t even swear that you would at least _try?_ Fuck you, Bellatrix.”

“Of course I’d bloody try!” Bellatrix raged, looking at Narcissa like she couldn’t believe she would ever gather such a conclusion. “If it came to it, if I could, then I would save you in a fucking _heartbeat._ But whether you like it or not, Cissy, some things are just more important than—”

Narcissa felt sick. “You mean _he’s_ more important!”

“His _cause_ is more important!” Bellatrix fiercely corrected, eyes flashing in warning. This subject never went well with them, and yet they found themselves having the same argument for… for _years_ now. It never ended. Perhaps it never would. “Grow _up,_ Narcissa. I’m part of a movement that will change the bloody _world_ so yeah, if it’s safer for you to be in Azkaban until we’ve won the war, then that’s where I’ll fucking keep you. At least I’ll know you aren’t dead.”

Narcissa looked at her, disbelieving, disgusted. If it was safer for her to be in Azkaban? Another lie. The only reason she wouldn’t come after her was if Voldemort told her not to, and they both knew it. Shaking her head, Narcissa shot her a look like she couldn’t believe Bellatrix was feeding her this kind of bullshit, that she was so willingly allowing another to control her entire life, and so she couldn’t find it within her to stop herself when she sneered, “ _Sheep,_ ” under her breath, a part of her hoping that it would come off as insulting as she meant it to.

And oh, it _did._

“The _fuck_ did you just call me?” Bellatrix challenged, getting right up in Narcissa’s face like she was daring her to say it again. But Narcissa wasn’t frightened of her; she might be the only person on this earth that wasn’t, and so she just straightened her spine as she looked directly into rage-filled eyes as she repeated what she had said to her without fear of the repercussions.

“I said you’re a _sheep,_ Bellatrix. You blindly follow orders without question, allowing someone to control your every thought, your every bloody _movement,_ ” Narcissa spat, infuriated that someone as fierce and strong as Bellatrix would ever allow their lives to amount to nothing but being another number in a herd. 

“But what enrages me the most,” Narcissa continued, advancing on her sister in a way that actually forced _Bellatrix_ to be the one to take a step back for once, “is that you gave yourself entirely over to someone as though you actually believed you had to the _right_ to do something like that. You’re not _his_ , Bellatrix; you don’t even belong to yourself.” Eyes snapping up to meet her sister’s fierce gaze, Narcissa finished strongly, “You belong to _me._ ”

Bellatrix’s eyes darkened substantially at that claim, as though despite herself Narcissa’s little show of dominance actually turned her on a little. Even still though, Bellatrix was not one to just roll over and be submissive, and so she quirked an eyebrow in irritated amusement as she countered, “You best watch yourself, Cissy; because if you’d like to put on a little show of ownership right now, I can guarantee you that it won’t be _me_ who’s on their knees.”

“You’re an idiot,” Narcissa responded, looking at Bellatrix as though she had missed the entire point. Maybe she had; maybe they both had, for as long as their relationship had gone on. But Narcissa didn’t want this to be about ownership, not anymore. “This isn’t about placing myself above you, or you above me; I _gave_ myself to you, Bella, and I thought you had given yourself to me in turn. It was supposed to be an equal trade, and yet now you think you can leave me with half when I gave you _everything?_ ”

“Everything?” Bellatrix repeated, the laugh she exhaled coming out strained like that was the funniest, yet most painful thing that she had heard in months. “You think you gave me _everything?_ ”

“I know I—!” Narcissa tried, but she couldn’t get the sentence out before something snapped in Bellatrix and she shoved her sister roughly up against the wall, pinning her there with one hand as she shouted in her face, “ _Where are we?!_ ”

Narcissa didn’t dignify that with an answer; not after being practically manhandled. Instead, she just steeled her jaw and looked at her with a rather bored expression, acting as though her sister’s violence towards her didn’t perturb her; after all, it had always bothered Bellatrix more when her rage wasn’t as effective as she needed it to be. Still, Narcissa knew what her sister’s point was, but her relationship with Lucius didn’t have to do with anything. She would still place Bellatrix above him, and _that_ was the point.

“Are we in _our_ house?!” Bellatrix shouted, and if Narcissa hadn’t known any better, it almost sounded as though her voice had cracked a bit in her throat around those words. “Are you _my_ wife, wanting so desperately to bear _my_ children?!” Her fist slammed into the wall directly by Narcissa’s head then and, well, _that_ finally made her jump as it shot her nerves all to hell. “Don’t you ever fucking tell me you gave me everything, Narcissa; because I swear to God I am this close to strangling you for even having the audacity to believe that.”

“It’s not the same and you know it,” Narcissa countered furiously. “I would always put you above Lucius, and yet you’d _never—_ ”

Bellatrix’s fist hit the wall again, cracking the plaster rather severely this time as she screamed, “You sodding _liar!_ ” just before Narcissa violently pushed her backwards as she shouted, “Stop punching holes in my wall you bloody _train wreck;_ do you even know how much this room’s renovation ended up costing us the first time?!” Which, of course, only drove Bellatrix to piss her off even further, punching the exact same spot hard enough to actually _cause_ a legitimate hole this time around.

Narcissa didn’t have the chance to scream at her for it though, because Bellatrix was already in her face, manhandling her against the wall once more as she fisted her hand in her robes and pinned her in place. But she wasn’t screaming this time; her eyes just looked wild and crazed, her breathing coming out in hard, uneven bursts as she stared down at her in silent fury for a long moment. And it was that, more than anything else, that caused Narcissa’s own words to die in her throat, because her sister _never_ took a moment to control her own anger before; if that was, in fact, what this was. Narcissa wasn’t sure.

Finally Bellatrix spoke, the words coming out angry and strained, yet level as she kept eye contact with her younger sister whom she still held firmly against the wall. “Ask yourself one thing, Cissy; just one _fucking_ thing,” she began dangerously, her gaze boring into her sister’s. “If the positions were reversed, if _I_ was the one thrown into Azkaban… would you save me?”

Narcissa swallowed, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable. She liked it better when Bellatrix was screaming at her; things made more sense that way. “I don’t… I mean, I _couldn’t_ even—” What was she supposed to say? She wasn’t _her._ How could she ever possibly pull something like that off?

“If you could then,” Bellatrix revised impatiently, like Narcissa should have known better than to try to skate around the goddamn question. Her tone was still dangerously low as she spoke, but it was much more serious than Narcissa had ever thought she’d heard her sister sound. For once it seemed like Bellatrix was actually prioritizing her point over her rage, as generally when she was so angry, she couldn’t express herself as well. This time though, it seemed she was adamant on Narcissa understanding something and so she continued, “If you knew you actually had a bloody shot at it, would you throw away your husband, your life, possibly even your children… for me?”

Silence. It looked like it was eating Bellatrix alive, but Narcissa supposed that was only fair because she felt like she was choking on it as well because no… she wouldn’t. And God, just the thought of that made Narcissa want to collapse on the ground, realizing that for once it wasn’t Bellatrix who was in the wrong… it was her. _She_ was the liar, _she_ was the hypocrite; she just hadn’t realized she was being those things before now.

Because how could she? How could she just walk away from the life she had built here; from her husband and possibly even her _children_ , should she ever be able to stomach giving up her first? Not to mention that there was this very real part of her that realized that should Bellatrix end up there then… then perhaps she deserved it. It wasn’t as though her sister was a good person, after all; she was an anarchist, a murderer, and while that never bothered Narcissa as much as it probably should have, there was the vindictive side of her that thought that maybe that’s what Bellatrix should get, for so blatantly choosing them over her. 

And God, she despised herself for even thinking something like that. 

In the end, she wanted to believe it to be Bellatrix’s job to protect her, because she was older, because she was stronger. Narcissa hadn’t even fathomed it being the other way around, but why shouldn’t it be? Here she was, wanting some kind of bloody _equality_ in their relationship, and yet Narcissa was expecting things of her sister that she didn’t even expect of herself. How on earth was that fair?

And the simple answer was: it wasn’t.

Narcissa’s back slid downwards against the wall then, collapsing in a heap on the ground as her sister continued to stand over her, looking as though she had swallowed rocks. “That’s what I thought,” Bellatrix forced herself to say, her voice strained and emotional and making Narcissa’s heart feel as though it were being ripped to shreds. “So don’t you ever fucking stand there and bitch at me for only having half of my loyalty, when I only have half of yours.”

Narcissa swallowed hard, tears stinging the back of her eyes as she looked up at her sister with an expression that showed just how horrified she was by her own self-discovery. She hadn’t expected the conversation to go this way; Bellatrix was supposed to be the perpetual fuck up in their relationship, the reason that all their arguments happened. Not… not her. “I’m sorry…” Narcissa whispered, not knowing what else to say. She sounded so incredibly helpless; it wasn’t often she was on this end of things, and she found she really wasn’t enjoying how it felt to be so incredibly wrong for once.

“Yeah,” Bellatrix spat, looking down at her like she couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as her anymore, and probably rightfully so. “I bet you are.” 

And then she disappeared with a loud crack, leaving Narcissa in a heap on the ground, nothing but her regret and tears to accompany her as she tried to accept the harsh reality that she wasn’t as good, or as loyal of a person as she originally thought she was.

[x]

“Why is there a bloody hole in our parlor wall?” Lucius asked once he had arrived home from work, taking note of Bellatrix’s handiwork as his voice filtered into the kitchen through the parlor walls. But he wasn’t privileged with an answer to that right away, and so Lucius called out, “Narcissa?” as he tried to locate his wife, his search finally bringing him into the kitchen before he quite literally stopped short at the unexpected sight he was presented with. “Why on earth are you _cooking?_ ”

Which was probably a fair question; they had a house elf to do that sort of thing, after all. And Narcissa, well… she had never cooked a day in her life before today. But she just began to cut up a tomato as the pot on the stove continued to stir itself as she responded in a flat voice, not even bothering to turn around to properly greet him as she answered both of his questions in turn, “Bellatrix.” A beat, then, “and I needed a distraction.”

The first, Lucius seemed to be expecting; whenever something was destroyed in their household, it was usually his sister-in-law’s doing, or _Narcissa’s_ doing thanks to whatever fight she was in with Bellatrix this week. Regardless, it generally all came back around to the explosive brunette, and so Lucius didn’t seem surprised at all by the answer. However, the fact that Narcissa was doing something as common as _cooking_ seemed to unsettle him a little bit, and he asked, “…What happened?” as he tentatively approached her, still a little unsure of where they both stood with one another.

Lucius had won himself quite a lot of points over the last few months with the gifts and apologies he so often showered her with, earning him at least the right to share the same bedroom as her again. That was about the extent of it, however, as they hadn’t had sex in… God, _ages._ Between the hospital and their falling out, the last time was during their honeymoon that past summer, and while at first Narcissa didn’t mind due to having Bellatrix to sate her needs, it was now driving her a bit mental. At the end of the day though, Narcissa was still so worried that if she didn’t draw this out that Lucius would continue to look for evidence of her and Bellatrix’s true relationship, and she needed this to be over; for _good_ this time. So for now, all of their progress consisted of sporadic late night snuggles and a few stolen kisses here and there as Narcissa waited for the ‘perfect’ opportunity to finally and completely forgive him. 

Narcissa wanted her husband back though; especially now, with how confused and abandoned she felt as she tried to make sense of coming second in everyone’s lives, and so she put the knife down before she pressed the back of her hand to her lips, trying to get a handle on her own emotions as she responded, “Why is it that everyone I love is… is _owned_ by someone else; why do I never come first in anyone’s eyes, when they’re first in mine?” 

Lucius’ eyebrows rose at that question and when he spoke, his tone was tainted by his instinctual jealously as he questioned, needing to make sure who Narcissa was speaking of, “Who, _Bellatrix?”_

“ _No,_ ” Narcissa stressed, her hand slamming down on the counter before she turned to look at her husband sadly, helplessly, her golden hair cascading down her right shoulder. “I mean _you._ ” Lucius looked surprised by that, and probably rightfully so as the argument had been with Bellatrix and therefore should logically be about _her_ , but Narcissa had had a lot of time to think about things since then and she realized this wasn’t just about her sister. 

“It was about her at first,” Narcissa admitted, “but then she—she screamed at me about how I want all of her loyalty when she only has half of mine and she was—she was _right_ , Lucius; I do place us and our life above even my sister’s safety and security sometimes, and while I’m sure that makes me a terrible person, what truly devastates me is that the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that even though I place you there, you can’t even allot me the same privilege in kind. You belong to _him,_ just like—just like _her,_ and at the end of the day I’m always second; I’m always sodding _second…_ ”

Her voice choked up with emotion then, but as she turned away from her husband so that he wouldn’t see her cry, suddenly Lucius was already behind her, his arms wrapping protectively around her waist as he swore to her, “You are _not_ second, Narcissa. Not to me.” 

He sounded so damn sure of that that it caused a tear to slip down the blonde’s cheek, hating that Lucius had deluded himself into thinking that he could ever put her above someone like Voldemort. He was terrifying, and what was she? Nothing. She was… she was nothing. There was no reason why anyone would risk crossing the Dark Lord just to put _her_ first, and she desperately wished Lucius wouldn’t lie to her, even if he believed the lie himself. She already knew the truth of it.

“I know things between us haven’t been great lately, but you’ve always come first in my eyes,” Lucius continued softly as he buried his face in her hair, still sticking with his delusion that cut Narcissa into shreds, because she desperately wished it to be true. “You’re my wife, Narcissa,” he breathed, placing a gentle kiss against her temple. “You’re to be the mother of my children someday; you’re my whole bloody world.”

“ _Stop,_ ” Narcissa begged, pulling out of his embrace as she violently wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Looking back at her husband like she couldn’t bear to have to be the one to voice the reality of it, she continued sadly, “If you truly believe that, then you’ve never really thought about it, have you?” Her gaze caught his then and she continued, her voice breaking in her throat, “If the Dark Lord ordered my death, would you defy him? Because I— because I think…” More tears spilled from her eyes then as she voiced another one of her deepest fears as she finished, “I think she’d kill me, Lucius; I think she’d kill me…!”

“— _What?_ ” Lucius asked, looking completely dumbfounded by his wife’s train of thought as she continued to jump between him and Bellatrix. He placed his hands on her arms then, forcing her to look at him as he tried, “Narcissa, stop it; you’re spiraling…” Because she did that; whenever she was upset it wasn’t just one thing, suddenly it was _everything_ as her pessimism caused her to go from bad to worse whether her upset was logical or not. 

But Narcissa was too consumed with sadness and fear as she continued to cry, so Lucius tried to comfort her with, “Hey, Narcissa, look at me—your sister is… _far_ from my favorite person in the world, and I in no way enjoy defending her, but even I know that Bellatrix would sacrifice herself before she sacrificed you. So if the Dark Lord ordered your death, which doesn’t—that’s not even _likely,_ but if he did, then she’d tell him to take her instead, and I think you know that.”

Of course she would _hope_ that; not that Narcissa wished her sister’s death in place of her own or anything, but that if it ever came down to that then she would hope that Bellatrix would defend her, protect her. And Lucius being the one to confirm that, when he didn’t even _like_ her did help a little, but Narcissa still had to look up at him with watery eyes and ask fearfully, “And you? What would you do?” 

Because her husband in no way seemed to be the self-sacrificing type. 

Lucius pursed his lips momentarily, actually giving the question some serious thought, despite how obvious it was that he never believed anything like this would ever come to pass. But he knew Narcissa needed a real answer, and so he took his time to imagine himself in that situation before he spoke. 

“I’m not like Bellatrix,” he admitted, although sounded a little loathed to do so. “I’m not reckless and I don’t have a death wish, and so my way of protecting you probably would not come off as profound or dramatic as offering to lay down my life for you, but if something like that were to come to pass, then I’d take you and I’d run; somewhere far away, somewhere where I hope the Dark Lord would never be able to find us.”

“…And if he did?” Narcissa asked in a small voice, needing to know the extent of her husband’s loyalty towards her because whether he liked it or not, it really did come down to one question: _would you die for me?_ And, apparently, according to him, Bellatrix would; but would _he?_

Lucius exhaled a small sigh, his hands sliding down his wife’s arms to tangle their fingers together as he gently rested his forehead against hers. “Then I’d stand in front of you and pray that the Dark Lord knows mercy.”

“He doesn’t,” Narcissa breathed, her eyes falling closed as she held onto her husband. “You’d die.”

“Then I die.”

Narcissa swallowed, pulling away from him a little so she could look him in the eyes after that, her heart beginning to swell in her chest from how easy that answer came to him. “I’m not going to pretend I’m some kind of hero,” Lucius told her softly, looking a little like he hated himself for that, yet accepted it all the same. “You and I both know that I’m not. I’d probably go out pissing my sodding drawers, but of course I’d stand in front of you Narcissa; there’s not even another option.”

And that… _that_ was what she needed, and so as Narcissa blinked back tears at the declaration, she allowed her palm to cup her husband’s cheek as she brought him into a fierce kiss, needing him to realize how utterly grateful she was for him in that moment. Maybe she only had half of both her sister and her husband’s loyalties, but they were the half that mattered, and that made Narcissa feel infinitely better as she threw her arms around his neck and thanked him in the only way she knew how.

There was a part of her though, in the back of her mind, that knew she was still expecting more from others than she was of herself, but in that moment she really couldn’t even begin to care as she fisted her hands in her husband’s hair and slipped her tongue in his mouth. Perhaps she was selfish, and perhaps she deserved Bellatrix’s anger for her hypocritical view on relationships, but maybe, at the end of the day, she honestly didn’t know how to be anything but. Narcissa might not want to be a victim anymore, but she slipped the role on like a second skin far too often nonetheless. It was habitual; it was… the only time she felt as though she really mattered. When someone is willing to give up everything to save you, then… _then_ you know that you are truly loved. 

It was a lesson that resonated with her the first time Bellatrix took her beatings for her, and the sacrificial gesture seemed to have been ingrained so deeply within Narcissa ever since that, now, even years later, the woman didn’t even know how to feel loved outside of being offered something that dramatic anymore.

Maybe Lucius had been right; maybe her childhood really had fucked her up much more than she wanted to believe it had, but being starved for love as a child caused her to believe that the love of someone else was the only way she would ever feel whole, and so Narcissa grasped onto that feeling with both hands as she shoved Lucius’ robes off his shoulders, devouring his mouth in earnest as the garment pooled at their feet on the floor.

“What about… your cooking…?” Lucius panted against her lips, looking both surprised and elated by this unexpected turn of events as his wife began impatiently tugging on the belt of his trousers. And maybe this was stupid in the long run, to have sex with him even when she wasn’t entirely sure that Lucius was going to drop the her and Bellatrix thing, but right then she just needed something; she needed to feel wanted, loved, _needed,_ and so she ignored the tiny voice in the back of her head that told her she should probably wait a little while longer as she forcefully pulled the belt from his slacks and threw it on the ground.

Screw it. She needed to be fucked, and after the fight they had had, she was certain Bellatrix wasn’t going to be inclined to for at least a solid week. 

“Sod it, it’s— it’s rubbish anyhow. I don’t even know what I was making,” Narcissa breathed against his lips as she fished for her wand inside of her robes at the same time Lucius was trying to get the garment off of her. With a flick of her wrist her attempt at cooking became a distant memory, the wand slipping from her fingers and falling to the ground, forgotten, just as the pot on the stove stopped bubbling over. 

“Soup?” Lucius guessed, chuckling a little under his breath as his lips found the underside of his wife’s ear, her jaw, her neck. Narcissa gasped then as the man’s eagerness caused Lucius to quite literally rip her blouse apart, popping buttons that scattered across the marble flooring as he roughly marked the skin beneath her ear. 

“No, some kind of vegetable… shit—” Narcissa tried to answer between moans, before she realized this was such a stupid conversation to have at a time like this and she exclaimed impatiently, “Sod my damn cooking, Lucius!” Her hand grasped his jaw then, forcing him into another fierce kiss as she allowed him to continue to undress her, needing to think of nothing else then but the desire that her husband had for her. She needed that right now.

Narcissa could feel him straining against the seam of his trousers, and suddenly she realized that this was the very first time she had felt him get hard for her since she had been back from the hospital. While Bellatrix seemed to enjoy her new figure, there was still a part of her that feared that Lucius might not; but when she was finally half out of her clothes and her breasts had been freed from their confines, that fear dissipated as Lucius grabbed the fullness of her tits with both hands and practically growled against her lips, “Jesus… _look at you._ You’re fucking beautiful, Narcissa.”

Narcissa flushed from the compliment, yet even with how happy his observation made her, there was still the disordered part of her brain that felt the need to ask, “You don’t think I’m fat…?” Narcissa regretted asking right after the words left her mouth though; not because she thought he would say yes, but because she was ashamed she still felt the need to ask in the first place. These kinds of fears were supposed to be behind her, but maybe they never would be; maybe, at the end of the day, the only thing she could do was try to ignore them, and try to stay in recovery.

“You’re perfect,” Lucius breathed against her lips, causing a small smile to etch across Narcissa’s lips before they were enveloped in a deep kiss. Frantic hands grasped for purchase then, each of them desperate to feel all of one another as they sought to rid each other of the rest of their clothes. In the end though, their impatience won out and Lucius’ trousers were only halfway down his thighs before he slid the length of his cock against his wife’s clit, causing Narcissa to dig her nails into his skin as she moaned at the feeling. 

God, it had been far, _far_ too long…

The edge of the countertop pressed into Narcissa’s back as she hooked her leg around him, causing the knee-length skirt they both couldn’t be arsed to get rid of once her knickers were gone to bunch up against her abdomen. Delicate hands tugged roughly at flowing locks as Lucius used his fingers first, twisting them inside of her to get her ready, as he no doubt believed that she hadn’t had sex since the last time they had been together. Narcissa let him believe that as her eyes fell tightly closed, the hands in her husband’s hair fisting even tighter as she panted out, “— _Shit,_ ” at his ministrations, feeling her body start to flush from bottom to top. “Lucius…”

“I fucking love you, Narcissa,” he panted against her lips as he slid out of her, pumping his own cock momentarily with his wife’s secretions. “And I’m so—I’m so _bloody_ sorry about before…”

“Shh…” Narcissa breathed, placing her fingers delicately against her husband’s lips before covering them with her own. “I know, I know…” Because of course she knew; she knew Lucius was sorry, she knew he hated himself because of the emotional manipulation that _she_ had caused him, but it was never about that. It was about needing to feel safe when she was with her sister; it was about having a stable and trustworthy relationship with her husband that was, ironically, based entirely on lies, and while Narcissa didn’t know if forgiving him now would allot her either of those things, she still fell completely into it because she found she desperately needed this kind of intimacy right now. 

Narcissa whimpered, the sound throaty and needy as Lucius pushed his hips against hers, finally positioning himself at her entrance. But their feverish kiss was cut short then as he pulled away for a moment, muttering, “Shit,” under his breath as he realized something. 

“What?” Narcissa asked, practically out of breath already as she looked at him, wondering why on earth he would _ever_ interrupt this moment; hadn’t he been waiting for it for nearly six months now? But then with one word, Narcissa completely understood.

“Condom.”

Oh. Right, that could be important. 

The last time they didn’t use one it had resulted in an unwanted pregnancy and an emotionally crippling abortion that had nearly destroyed Narcissa’s psyche; so of course the last thing either of them would want was for something like that to happen a second time. And while they were married, and while it was perfectly acceptable that they eventually have children together, right now was just far too soon. Lucius had his career to think about, and Narcissa was crippled with fear over her promise to the Dark Lord to ever fathom wanting to be pregnant again. 

Lucius didn’t know about that though, so when they spoke about children when they were on their honeymoon, Narcissa rationalized that it would probably be more pertinent for her to build relationships with the socialites of their society first, as she probably wouldn’t have as much time to do so as a mother, and that it was imperative that she insert herself into the circle of elites as it would no doubt help further Lucius’ career for them to be well-connected. He agreed, and Narcissa began taking a birth control potion every month.

However, the potions didn’t have a hundred percent guarantee of effectiveness, so they both agreed to still use a condom regardless to better prevent any accidents. But right now those were upstairs, and both of their damned wands were across the room on the floor so Accioing them would completely take them out of this position, let alone the moment, and so because Narcissa was already frustrated with the brief interruption to the lustful haze she was in, she impatiently told him, “Just pull out.”

“But—”

“ _Lucius,_ ” Narcissa interrupted seriously, grasping his chin in her hand as she brought his lips just a fraction away from her own. “Just do what I say,” she demanded, her voice strong yet soft as the words ghosted across his lips. Her eyes flickering from his mouth to his eyes, Narcissa finished in a tone that was barely more than a seductive whisper, “Just fuck me. _Fill_ me. Make me yours, Lucius; I need to be yours…”

And, well, after that it wasn’t as though Lucius had the mental competence to say _no;_ all of the blood had rushed from his brain to his dick and suddenly he was inside of her, one firm thrust nearly filling her all the way to her cervix, causing Narcissa to gasp and whimper and hold on to him for dear life. 

And it was different, this time; the way that he fucked her. Before, he used to be rather gentle with her, as though she were something fragile, something breakable. And perhaps at the weight she used to be, she kind of was. But now, with her fuller figure and accentuated curves, Lucius took to fucking her hard, fast, _rough;_ and God, Narcissa loved it. 

He was grasping onto her hips, using what used to be nothing but bone as something to hold on to so he could get the leverage to fuck her deeper, harder, faster. His eyes were darkened with desire as he watched his wife’s fuller tits bounce after every thrust, and while there once had been a time where anything _jiggling_ on her body would have left Narcissa in a pit of self-loathing and despair, after fucking both Bellatrix and her husband now with her new body, and seeing how much they both got off on it, Narcissa couldn’t imagine ever going back to the way she was before. After all, she… she absolutely _thrived_ off of the desire she elicited in them, and ever since she got back from the hospital, it seemed it had increased in both of her lovers tenfold.

Narcissa’s nails scraped helplessly against the skin of her husband’s neck, holding onto him as Lucius exerted nearly all of the effort in this encounter, leaving her to do nothing else but just enjoy what he was giving her. “Fuck,” she breathed, her abdomen beginning to tighten as the pressure started to build. “ _Fuck,_ Lucius, oh—oh God, oh fuck…!”

One of Narcissa’s hands hit the counter behind her then, fingers curling around the edge of it so hard that her knuckles flashed white. Her eyes falling closed, she exhaled a loud moan as she allowed her other hand to press desperately against her clit, knowing she would need that extra push. While she was sure Lucius wished he could get her off with just penetration, he also enjoyed watching her play with herself, and so when she realized she needed a little more lubrication and held her fingers up to her husband in offering, he devoured them without hesitation.

“Don’t make yourself come until I’m ready,” he panted after the fingers had left his mouth, causing Narcissa to immediately nod in compliance before she replaced her hand against her sex. Lucius always liked when they came together, and as this encounter wasn’t exactly the ‘making love’ session that she had expected herself to want, regardless of enjoying it all the same, Narcissa did want a little bit of intimacy in there, and coming at the same time was probably about as close as she was going to get to it.

“I’ve missed you,” Narcissa breathed in admission as she grasped for him again, pulling his body flush against her as she hooked her nails into his broad shoulder. “I’ve missed how you feel inside of me, I’ve missed—!”

But Lucius cut her off with a fierce kiss, and an even fiercer promise as he told her, “You’ll never miss anything else ever again, Narcissa; I swear to it. We’ll never— _fuck…_ ” He cut himself off then, panting hard as his own orgasm began to rapidly build within him. And yet he still tried as he continued, voice uneven and heavy with his own pleasure, “We’ll… we’ll never fight like that again; I promise you, I’ll never do anything that—”

“I know,” Narcissa panted against his lips, one hand resting possessively on her husband’s cheek while her other worked herself to the edge. She was so close and she didn’t… she didn’t need another apology, or another promise that he wouldn’t accuse her of being unfaithful anymore, because she already believed that he wouldn’t. Maybe at first she was unsure, but with the way that Lucius was now looking at her, with the way he kept adamantly promising her that things between them were going to be better now, she could do nothing else but believe his word that it was over. “I know, my darling, I know…”

Lucius’s grip on her tightened substantially then as he grunted, and Narcissa knew exactly what that meant as she breathlessly reminded him, “Pull out!” just as she worked her fingers faster against her own clit, coming at the same time that Lucius removed himself from her, spilling his seed against the softness of her stomach. 

He collapsed against her and the counter almost immediately afterwards, yet seemed to instantly regret that as he suddenly felt the warmth of his own semen against his stomach. He grunted in displeasure, but didn’t actually move to rectify the situation as instead he exhaled a rather defeated sounding, “…Shit. I should have thought that one through.” 

Narcissa giggled though, the sound coming out a little breathless as she held onto him, burying her face in his neck and breathing in his scent as she told him a little throatily, “That’s what showers are for, dear.” Because honestly, she wasn’t about to give up this position just because Lucius got himself all sticky; she needed to be held right then, and so she was damn well going to be held. 

Thankfully, Lucius seemed to know exactly what she wanted though, and so he wrapped his arms completely around her as he smiled, giving his wife a tiny kiss beneath her ear as he teased, “Together?”

“Mmm…” Narcissa breathed, a slow smile crossing her own expression as she caught his eyes and tangled her fingers in his hair. “That could be arranged…”

Because it was easy, it was simple, it was _normal;_ being with Lucius, making up with him and making love to him, made the world seem so much less frightening than it was mere hours ago. Narcissa knew that things were changing, that they _had_ changed, but right then that was the very last thing she wanted to think about as she fisted her hands in platinum locks, bringing her husband in for another kiss as she pretended, just for one more day, that the world wasn’t mere seconds away from crumbling down around her.

**TBC…**


	6. VI. Spring, 1974 – Summer, 1974

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for having to do this but I’m gonna have to make updates for this story be every TWO weeks instead of every week. These chapters are just very long and I’m not churning them out as fast as I would like. If there does come a point where I end up very far ahead again then I will return to doing it once a week. Hope you guys understand :)

**CHAPTER VI  
Spring, 1974 – Summer, 1974**

“I’m sleeping with Lucius again.”

Bellatrix just stared at her, one hand holding open the front door as her body blocked Narcissa from entering her home. “Congratulations,” she responded dryly, trying to appear as though that information didn’t faze her in the slightest. “I hope whatever hell spawn you two create rips you open on its way out.”

Narcissa narrowed her eyes. “I said I was sleeping with him again, not that we were trying for children.” There was a very, _very_ important distinction between the two, which was clearly indicated by how strained the word ‘children’ came out of her mouth. Narcissa cleared her throat though, hoping her sister didn’t notice as she straightened her spine and continued, “Besides, I thought you would want to know; you were very adamant that we reconcile, after all.”

“The only reason I wanted you to get over your little hissy fit was so that you wouldn’t end up divorced, shamed, and hanging by your neck from a fucking _tree_ , Narcissa,” Bellatrix shot back, knowing exactly how her sister would take to being tossed aside like that; and it was in no way well. “Believe me, I really do not give half a sod about the state of your relationship otherwise.”

Narcissa exhaled an irritated breath. “Fine,” she responded tersely, wishing Bellatrix didn’t feel the need to always make everything so bloody hard. “Sorry for thinking my sister would take an interest in my life, clearly I was wrong.”

“We spent the better half of last Monday screaming at each other over torn loyalties, and yet you come here believing I would _rejoice_ over the fact that the ponce that has the other half of yours is now penetrating you again?” Bellatrix asked, disbelieving and angry and, alright, that was probably fair. Narcissa honestly didn’t think this through very much, but she wanted to just ignore their fight and pretend that everything was normal between them again. Obviously Bellatrix did not share the same sentiment. 

“I just wanted—”

“I don’t care what you ‘just wanted’,” Bellatrix interrupted, completely disinterested in Narcissa’s desire to pretend as though nothing had happened. “You know what I want? A fucking apology. I’d love for you to get on your bloody knees and kiss my arse and tell me all about how wrong you were, but I don’t have time for that right now. So why don’t you do me a favor and piss off until I decide that I might actually have need for that mouth of yours after all.”

It was such a horribly rude thing to say, but it wasn’t as though Narcissa wasn’t expecting it. Her sister wasn’t exactly delicate when she was angry, after all. Still, at least she wasn’t screaming at her, which was… actually rather unexpected, and something Narcissa didn’t understand until she tried to push with, “Well then let me in and _make_ time,” to which Bellatrix responded to with, “I _can’t_.” Her voice was low, hushed and frustrated. “You think I’ve been keeping you out here because I enjoy the fresh air? I have company, you twit. Now sod off, will you; this has taken too long as it is and I don’t want her coming out here and seeing you.”

Almost instantaneously, Narcissa’s instinctual jealously jumped from zero to sixty. “Her? Her _who?_ ” And why the hell wouldn’t Bellatrix want this woman to see her? They were sisters; it was perfectly normal for them to spend time with one another, so it wasn’t as though they had anything to hide in that aspect.

“Do I look like I’m in the mood to give you the details of my life right now?” Bellatrix shot back, far beyond frustrated as she moved to close to door in her face. “Fuck off, Narcissa; this isn’t up for debate.”

“Bella—!”

Narcissa was loud, insistent, and it seemed to draw the attention of whoever was inside because suddenly the blonde heard a rather broken sounding, “Is that Narcissa…?” She couldn’t place the voice right away though, it being far too distressed and soft for her to realize who it belonged to. Once the woman’s figure appeared in the front hallway behind her sister though, Narcissa felt her stomach drop to the floor.

It was Gwendolyn. 

The woman looked a wreck; eyes red and puffy like she had been crying as she quite literally tried to hold herself together, her small arms wrapped around her torso as she tentatively approached the two women. Bellatrix steeled her jaw though, looking more pissed off by Gwendolyn revealing herself than guilty about it, which confused Narcissa quite terribly because she now couldn’t even begin to fathom what was going on.

If they were back together again, certainly Gwendolyn would seem happier? But she looked absolutely terrible, and Bellatrix’s expression didn’t indicate that she knew she had been doing something that would cause her sister to break down on the spot, and so Narcissa was uncertain how to even react. She kind of just stared at her.

“She was just leaving,” Bellatrix told her ex shortly, attempting once more to shut the door in her sister’s face. But suddenly a desperate expression crossed Gwendolyn’s face and she exclaimed, “No!” as she stopped Bellatrix from shutting Narcissa out.

Which, honestly, might have been the most surprising thing of all.

“Bellatrix, let her in. She’s one of us, she should know—!”

“She doesn’t need to know _anything!_ ” Bellatrix snapped, furiously rounding on the other woman in warning. “I’m not going to let you needlessly scare my sister, Gwen; she’s not—”

Gwendolyn looked frantic. “Her husband is a Death Eater just as yours and mine are, is he not?” she countered, voice shaking with emotion as her hand fisted protectively in the fabric of her robes against her abdomen, begging for Bellatrix to understand. “Please; if Rabastan is allowing this, then Lucius might too, and she deserves to—!”

“I said _no!_ ”

“Bellatrix, shut up, I want to hear what she has to say!” Narcissa exclaimed as she quite literally pushed her sister to the side, forcing herself into Bellatrix’s house. Her stomach was clenching in her gut from the way Gwendolyn was acting; whatever was going on, it certainly wasn’t good, and if it bore the chance of being relevant in her life as well, then she damn well deserved to know about it.

Bellatrix violently slammed the door behind them, furious that both of the women in her house were ignoring her wishes. “Your husband’s idiotic life choices was what got you into this predicament, Gwen; this wasn’t _random._ And while Lucius Malfoy might not be my favorite person in the world, I know well enough that he would never jeopardize his life with my sister so senselessly; therefore, the only thing your little ‘warning’ is going to do is scare the piss out of her, and I will _not—_ ”

“This isn’t random!” Gwendolyn burst out, voice tinged with distress and helplessness as she tried, desperately, to get some sympathy and help from the woman she once loved. “He preyed on us, Bellatrix; and he’ll prey on you, prey on _her_ if either of you find yourself desperate enough to take his help. Don’t you realize what he’s robbing us of; don’t you _care?!_ ”

“You say this like I didn’t _gladly_ try to give Him what he desired,” Bellatrix hissed, which made Narcissa’s stomach tie into knots as she began to realize what they were speaking about. Gwendolyn was holding a protective hand over her abdomen as she spoke, and Bellatrix telling her that she had tried to give the Dark Lord something left little else to interpretation; there was only one thing Bellatrix tried, and failed, to give Voldemort. “But I couldn’t, and yet you have the audacity to stand in front of me and act as though this is some terrible fate, when I would’ve gladly killed for such an honor? Fuck off, Gwen; you have absolutely no idea what you’re taking for granted, do you?”

“This is my _child,_ Bellatrix!” Gwendolyn screeched, desperate for the woman in front of her to understand and seemingly at a loss because she just could not, for the life of her, figure out why Bellatrix didn’t. “My _child;_ a living, breathing part of me that’s going to be ripped from my arms the second after it’s born for God only knows what reason, and you call that an _honor?_ It might _die!_ ”

Bellatrix shot the shorter brunette a look like she believed she was being overdramatic. “So? You’ll have more, won’t you?” Like she actually, legitimately, believed that would somehow make up for the loss of her first.

Narcissa felt like she couldn’t breathe.

Her knees buckled from under her, and thankfully she was near a chair because if not she would have fallen straight on the floor. As it was already she barely made it into the upholstery, and the loud clamber as she tried to steady herself on the armrest enough to break her fall garnered both women’s attention as Bellatrix swore, “—Shit,” and hurried over to her sister whilst simultaneously shouting at Gwendolyn, “See, what the hell did I tell you?! You’re bloody scaring her half to death!”

But it wasn’t the information that Voldemort was taking children that caused Narcissa to nearly collapse; even if her sister hadn’t mentioned once that she tried to conceive a child for him, she was already painfully aware of that information. It was… it was how Bellatrix was acting; as though she didn’t even _care._ She had been in love with Gwendolyn once, and even if she wasn’t anymore, Narcissa knew she still held a level of care for the other woman; and yet because Voldemort wanted something from her, suddenly his wishes were more important than her distress? 

How then, would her sister act if she knew that she too, had promised him her first born? Would she be this callous, this cold? Because just the thought of that happening made Narcissa to want to die. Perhaps she hadn’t yet trusted her sister with that information, as it made the situation all too real, but she knew that the day would inevitably come when Bellatrix would need to be told, and she needed— she needed her sister to _protect_ her; to fix it… somehow, someway, she needed Bellatrix to make it all better because that’s what she _did_ , but could she? _Would_ she?

Clearly she did not care about the fate of these children, and who they came from seemed to bear no difference at all.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Narcissa gasped out, her face paling as she held a hand over her mouth to try to force her bile to stay down. Bellatrix was trying to help her into a better position on the chair so that she wouldn’t fall, smoothing her hair back from her forehead as she tried to convince her that this had nothing to do with her.

“No, Cissy, it’s not—He won’t take yours, alright? Listen to me, _look at me,_ ” she pleaded, not wanting Narcissa to spiral into something that she assumed held no bearing on her life. If she only knew. “The Dark Lord won’t take anything from you without permission, and I know how important children are to you and Lucius; you would never trade something like that. So this, what’s happening right now with Gwen and Rabastan? It doesn’t affect you; it would _never._ ”

If possible, Narcissa grew even paler at those words. Bellatrix was so adamant that Narcissa would never do something like that, that it caused her to grow even sicker because she _had._ She traded her child’s life, and she was—she was such a terrible person for it; she was such an awful, awful human being, undeserving of being a mother…

“I never gave permission for him to do this; for him to _take_ something like this from me!” Gwendolyn practically shrieked, still hysterical about her current predicament. She was crying now, looking at Bellatrix like she didn’t know who she was anymore, and for the first time in Narcissa’s life, she actually felt terrible for the woman. She didn’t deserve this. None of them did.

“Well your idiot of a husband did, so if you bear issue with it then perhaps you should start with him!” Bellatrix snapped, turning away from Narcissa momentarily to meet her ex lover’s gaze. “You should have known Rabastan was going to bury you in debt eventually; you knew he had a problem and you never once did anything to make him stop. You brought this on yourself.”

“What was I supposed to do?!” Gwendolyn exclaimed, looking so terribly gutted by Bellatrix’s assessment of her life. She no doubt came here to get support, to get _help,_ and Bellatrix was practically spitting in her face. “He’s my husband, Bellatrix; he’s a _man,_ and he doesn’t answer to me. Maybe Rodolphus treats you as an equal, but not all of us are so lucky! Of course I told him that he needed to stop gambling away all our money, but he didn’t listen; instead he caused us to lose our fortune, to nearly lose the house and he didn’t… he didn’t know what else to _do…_ ”

“If you understand why he did it, then why are you complaining about it?!” Bellatrix shouted, like she couldn’t make heads or tails of Gwendolyn’s distress. “You have money now, don’t you? A place to _live?_ The Dark Lord saved your life, so quit _bitching_ and thank Him for it by giving Him what He wants!”

Gwendolyn just stared at her, hurt and completely _horrified_ by how Bellatrix was acting. “Who _are_ you…?” she asked, unable to comprehend how the other woman could be so callous towards her distress and honestly, Narcissa couldn’t either. How could Bellatrix be this cruel? No matter her loyalty to the Dark Lord, she should care enough to not want to see the woman she once loved in this much pain.

“The person who’s trying to get you to understand that whether you like it or not, you made an agreement that you can’t back out of!” Bellatrix shouted and, for the first time in this conversation, actually seemed like she _cared._ Her voice was suddenly high and a little frantic as she told her, “Do you understand me? If you try to go back on your word, if you try to abort this child or run, He will find you, and He will kill you! So stop caring; _just stop fucking caring!_ ”

Gwendolyn exhaled another sob as she covered her mouth with her hand, looking as though she might fall apart on the spot. Bellatrix stared at her for a long moment, as though she were debating on what to do before she finally exhaled a defeated sounding, “—Shit,” glancing back at Narcissa as she apologized to her with her eyes. She pulled away then, crossing the room to meet Gwendolyn before she finally did the first right thing since this conversation started, and pulled the trembling, crying woman into her arms.

“For fuck’s sake, Gwen, just please— _please_ stop bloody caring so much,” Bellatrix begged softly, voice barely above a whisper as she curled her fingers in the other woman’s hair. “Because I know you, and I know you’ll do something stupid to try to protect it, and you can’t. Do you hear me? You _can’t._ ”

If this was any other day, if this was about anything else, then Narcissa probably would have been filled with a jealous rage at just the mere sight of Bellatrix comforting her ex like that. But she understood exactly what Gwendolyn was going through, more so than either of them even realized, and so Narcissa felt her own eyes begin to mist over with tears as she breathed, “I’m so sorry…” to the woman she had spent half her life hating, not knowing what else to do, what else to say. There was no way to make this better, and all three of them knew that.

And that terrified Narcissa, because when the time came when _she_ was the one having her first child growing inside of her, would she be able to change its fate; or would she be just as helpless as Gwendoyn was, unable to do anything but sit and wait for it to be stolen straight from her arms?

[x]

June was unusually warm early on in the month, and Narcissa sat outside on her patio with an abundance of letters scattered before her on her lawn chair, the start of a migraine beginning to throb in her temples. If the first one she had read hadn’t given her enough of a headache to begin with, the second one surely had, and right then all Narcissa wanted to do was drink in order to try to dull the pain in her temples.

“Dobby!” she called out, and within seconds the house elf appeared before her, eager to please his mistress before she told him, “Fetch me a bottle of wine. Red, if we have it. I’m not particular about the brand.”

“Of course, Mistress; Dobby is always happy to serve!” the elf responded before disappearing once more with a loud crack. Another followed shortly afterwards though, and Narcissa was about to wonder how on _earth_ the creature managed to oblige her that fast before she looked up and realized it was her sister who now stood before her. 

“You’re late,” Narcissa told her, sounding rather exhausted as she pulled her hat down further, trying to keep the sun from blinding her as she looked at the woman in front of her.

“I was at Gwen’s.”

Once more, Narcissa’s innate jealousy over the woman did not come. Instead, she just pursed her lips in sympathy and asked softly, “How is she?” because she couldn’t bear to diminish the woman’s distress with something as shallow and selfish as her own possessiveness. In the long run, it just didn’t compare; it could never. Perhaps she was finally growing up, or perhaps she was just merely unable to stomach the thought of being horrible about a woman who was going through the same thing that she would soon be herself, but either way, Narcissa realized that some things just mattered more. 

Bellatrix moved the pile of letters to the nearby table before she straddled the end of the lawn chair, hooking her legs around her sister’s as she sat facing her. “She’s starting to show,” she told her, sounding exhausted herself as she exhaled a long, frustrated sigh, her fingers tangling in her own mess of unruly curls. “It’s making her go fucking mental. Rabastan had to send an owl to Rodolphus because he couldn’t get her to calm down, so I had to go over there and do it because apparently both of them are bloody useless at making a damn Calming Draught. Honestly, it’s not that sodding hard.”

A loud crack nearly made Bellatrix jump out of her skin then, but before her sister could scream at _her_ elf about startling her, Narcissa interjected with a quick, “Thank you, Dobby; that will be all,” as she took both the glass and bottle from him. The elf grinned at her, happy to have pleased her, before he was suddenly gone with another crack. It was then that Narcissa realized that perhaps she should have asked him to get another glass.

Bellatrix didn’t seem to much care for one though, as she took the bottle right out of Narcissa’s hands after she had opened it, telling her in a disapproving, “You’re too nice to that thing,” before bringing it to her lips and drinking the contents straight from the bottle. Narcissa’s eyes narrowed.

“And you have absolutely no manners. I could get you a _glass_ , you know.”

“You say this like I’m supposed to care.”

Narcissa sighed softly. She didn’t know why she bothered.

Bellatrix eventually handed the bottle back to her though, allowing Narcissa to finally pour herself a glass of wine. “I do hope you weren’t awful to her this time,” she mentioned, shooting her sister a look that was clearly disapproving before she took a small sip of the red liquid.

Bellatrix looked at her like she had five heads. “Why do you suddenly care? Last I checked, you hated Gwen.”

“Because I’m a person, Bellatrix!” Narcissa responded incredulously, her stomach twisting hard in her gut as she found she was unable to separate Gwendolyn’s situation from her own. “Because I’m a _woman_ and it’s—it’s _awful,_ what she’s going through. I understand where your loyalties lie, Bella, but there’s no reason for you to act as though something like this could ever be construed as a _good_ thing. You might be cruel enough to give up your own child without care, but the rest of us, we’re—” Her voice choked up with emotion then, unable to get ahold of herself as she told her distressingly, “We’re _not._ We’re not, we’re just not…” A tear slipped down her cheek then, and her sister’s hands were on her immediately as she squeezed her thighs, trying to get Narcissa out of her own head.

“Hey,” Bellatrix tried, attempting to garner her full attention as she caught her gaze. “What did I say before? This isn’t happening to you; this will _never_ happen to you, so stop mentally putting yourself in her position before you end up falling to fucking pieces, alright? Jesus, Cissy; I get that your working uterus is making you sympathize with her right now, but pull yourself together. You can barely tolerate the woman, yet now you’re blubbering over the fate of her unborn child? Surely you realize how insane that is.”

“Sod off,” Narcissa snapped as she pushed her sister’s hands off of her legs, pulling them to her chest instead as she held them. “It sickens me, how little care you have for this. Sometimes I honestly forget what a terrible person you are.” 

“I care about what’s _important_ , Cissy; and that’s that she doesn’t do anything stupid to try to save this child and forfeits her fucking life in the process,” Bellatrix snapped, apparently offended that Narcissa didn’t think she cared. “Whether she likes it or not, Gwen made her own bed and now she has to lie in it; I hate that it’s making her fall apart, but it isn’t like she can’t have another child or something.”

Narcissa’s expression washed over with disbelief. “Children are not _possessions,_ Bellatrix!” she exclaimed, horrified that her sister would think so. “You can’t just replace one with another; that’s not how it works!”

“How would you know? You don’t have any.”

Narcissa just stared at her, unable to comprehend the sheer _stupidity_ and callousness of her own sister. She went to move from the chair then, telling her in a helplessly perplexed tone, “I just—I can’t be around you right now,” but Bellatrix wouldn’t allow her to get very far as she snatched the blonde’s wrist in her hand, keeping her from going too far.

“Jesus fucking— _shit,_ I’m sorry, okay? I just don’t fucking get what the big deal with children is.”

“Then it truly is a miracle that you can’t have any,” Narcissa shot back, her voice still heavy with upset as she stared accusingly at her sister. Bellatrix sighed.

“I’ll be nice, alright? Christ. But excuse the hell out of me for trying to keep some emotional fucking distance between me and Gwen, solely because I know how much it would upset _you_ if I didn’t,” Bellatrix responded, looking irritated about being attacked when apparently she was ‘trying to do the right thing’. “But apparently you’re now all gung-ho about me being all over her for some bloody reason, so maybe I should just—”

“I didn’t say be all over her, Bella; stop putting words in my mouth just to try to get a rise out of me, it’s childish,” Narcissa snapped, not up for this kind of emotional manipulation today. “I’m telling you to be a decent fucking human being, but part of me is starting to wonder if that’s just too much for you to manage.”

“Screw you.”

“If only you should be so lucky.”

Bellatrix’s eyebrow quirked at that, suddenly looking a little amused by the comeback and what she no doubt perceived to be a challenge, but Narcissa shot her a look like she wasn’t kidding as she told her, “No. Don’t you dare try to negate your shitty personality with sex; you’re not half as good as you think you are.”

Bellatrix scowled at the blatant insult, violently grabbing the bottle of wine out of her sister’s hand. “I’m starting to enjoy this backbone you’ve grown less and less, and if you’re not careful, Cissy, I’ll be sure to be the one to rip it straight from your spine.”

“I’m terrified,” Narcissa deadpanned, her reddened eyes still glaring at her over her glass of wine. It was slapped out of her hand immediately after that though, the sound of the glass smashing against the surface of the porch making her jump. “That was part of a _set!_ ” she screeched, infuriated that her sister’s first instinct was always violence, and that her possessions were always on the receiving end of her wrath. Honestly, could she communicate no other way?

Her blouse was being fisted in Bellatrix’s hand then though, her sister having shoved her against the back of the lawn chair as she practically got on top of her and shouted, “No, you don’t get to do this to me, Narcissa!” She sounded infuriated that somehow this all got turned around on her, when somewhere in her deluded mind she actually believed she was doing the right thing. “You don’t get to sit there and act like I’m the shittiest human being on this earth, when I let you get away with that crap you pulled the last time we fought just because I felt fucking _bad_ that you had to see me with Gwen again.”

Which was true, Bellatrix had abandoned her anger with her after that day, allowing them both to act as though the conversation about loyalty and the harsh reality that followed thereafter had never happened. Which Narcissa was grateful for, of course, as she didn’t know how to make it better save promising Bellatrix a loyalty that she could not actually give her, but it wasn’t as though she _asked_ her to do that. She just thought that Bellatrix didn’t want to go into it again as much as she didn’t.

“I think about your stupid, ungrateful arse more than you even bloody realize, and considering the reason I’m not spending every damn day with the woman I once loved in order to help her deal with this crap is because of _you,_ I think you should maybe take a second to realize the kind of shit I’m sacrificing for you and then _shut the fuck up about anything else._ ”

“I never asked you to!” Narcissa exclaimed, infuriated that Bellatrix would blame her horrible nature on _her._ “I would never tell you to stay away from her; not while she’s going through this!”

“You told me to stay the fuck away from her for seven bloody years, Narcissa; how the hell was I supposed to know that you’d suddenly decided to stop being a selfish piece of shit?!”

“Because you know how I am about _children!_ ” Narcissa shrieked, wildly upset at this point as she shoved her sister off of her. Another tear slipped down her cheek then, unable to contain her upset as all of this hit way too close to home as she exclaimed, “You know how I am about children, and you—you need to fix it, Bella; you need to do something, you need to—!”

Bellatrix just stared at her, her breathing coming out in heavy, uneven bursts as she tried to calm herself down, realizing that Narcissa wasn’t in any condition to scream at. She looked like she was falling apart. “…I don’t think I can,” she told her finally, softly; almost a little regrettably. And it was then that Narcissa burst into hysterical sobs, unable to differentiate Gwendolyn’s current situation with her own future one as she curled herself into a ball and shook with helplessness and fear.

It took quite a long while to calm Narcissa down after that, and Bellatrix ended up bringing her inside so that passersby wouldn’t bear witness to her sister having a complete and utter breakdown in her own back yard. Eventually the two women found themselves in Narcissa’s bedroom, the blonde lying on her side as she stared helplessly at the far wall, her sister’s protective arms around her abdomen as she held her while she cried. It took some time, but eventually Narcissa felt herself begin to run out of tears, and as she gently hiccupped as she tried to calm herself down, she heard her sister take a sharp inhale of breath behind her as she finally asked the question that Narcissa knew was coming after that little display.

“Cissy,” Bellatrix began softly, her voice sounding strained as she no doubt prayed that what she was thinking wasn’t true. “…Is there something you’re not telling me?”

And Narcissa wanted to tell her; she wanted to admit that Gwendolyn wasn’t the only one who was doomed to such a fate, but she couldn’t get the words out. Once she finally voiced it out loud then it would be true, and there was no escaping it anymore. But if she didn’t, if she kept it to herself, then maybe she could pretend, at least for a few years, that this wasn’t going to happen to her; and right then, Narcissa knew that that would be the only thing that saved her sanity.

“No,” she lied, but her voice cracked around the word, forcing her to clear her throat. “I’m sorry,” she breathed instead, not knowing how to else to explain the severity of her reaction. “You’re right, I’m—I’m putting myself in her position, and I shouldn’t because… because Lucius would never do that to me. It’s just that… children, they’re all that I ever wanted, and just the _thought_ of being forced to give one up is making me…” But she didn’t finish her sentence, trailing off instead as she believed her current emotional state spoke for itself anyway. “I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized again, not knowing what else to say anymore.

Bellatrix pursed her lips, silent as she no doubt wondered if she should believe her sister’s explanation. It was a long time before she spoke, but when she did, she obviously still suspected the truth of it as she demanded softly, “Tell me what you promised Him.” Because Bellatrix knew; she had known for two years now, that Narcissa had promised the Dark Lord something in order to cure her sister of her madness. She just didn’t know what; Narcissa had refused to tell her.

And even now, when her sister was finally starting to put the pieces together, Narcissa could not find it within herself to tell her. She didn’t want this on her sister’s conscience. She didn’t even want it on her own. “You know I can’t do that,” Narcissa whispered sadly, another tear leaking from the corner of her eye as she continued to stare at the far wall.

“ _Cissy!_ ” Bellatrix pleaded, one firm hand on her arm forcing her sister on her back so she could make eye contact as the brunette looked down at her. She looked frightened for her, _sick_ for her, and it was so unlike how she seemed to care for Gwendolyn’s predicament that it caused Narcissa’s stomach to tighten in her gut. “We’re not playing this fucking game anymore, do you hear me? It’s not your sodding job to protect me; it’s mine to protect you, and you need to just—you have to _tell_ me, Narcissa. I can’t protect you if you don’t!”

“Like how you’re protecting Gwen?” Narcissa countered softly, unable to help herself. It wasn’t as though she wanted Bellatrix to spend every waking moment trying to save the other woman, but the fact that she was only feeding the other woman Calming Draughts instead of just _being there_ for her caused Narcissa to irrationally fear that her sister would do the same with her. She claimed to have once loved them both, after all.

“I made a _choice,_ Cissy,” Bellatrix strongly reminded her, needing her sister to understand that it was a completely different situation. “You wanted real love, a real _sodding_ relationship, and while I might not be the world’s best girlfriend, I’m not stupid enough to think that we could have that if I continued to see _her._ So yeah, I made a fucking choice, Narcissa; I chose _you,_ so don’t you ever fucking think for one second that my reaction to you would be the same, because it’d be so bloody far from it.”

Narcissa swallowed, looking up at the other woman with watery eyes. Sometimes, her sister really did do everything _right;_ even more so than herself at times. She hadn’t realized that Bellatrix was actually trying to be monogamous with her; at least emotionally. In the end, she still had no idea, nor did she even care to know, if Bellatrix was still sleeping with whores on the side, but the fact that the other woman realized that in order to have a better relationship with her sister, she needed to stop finding herself emotionally attached to another person, spoke volumes to Narcissa. It was more than she could offer her herself, after all. She still had Lucius.

“I love you, Bellatrix,” Narcissa breathed, reaching up to gently cup the brunette’s cheek in her hand as emotion crinkled the corners of her eyes. She needed her to understand that she appreciated that, appreciated _her._ “And I love that you’re trying to save me, but you can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t—I just can’t tell you; not right now. I can’t bear to make it real.”

“It’s real whether you like it or not, love,” Bellatrix breathed, looking so utterly helpless as she stared down at the woman beneath her. She wanted so desperately to help her, but just didn’t know how. It broke Narcissa’s heart in half. “And I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s nothing,” Narcissa lied, but her voice was still strained with emotion, with the weight and guilt of _lying_ to her sister like that, but she just… she couldn’t tell her; not then. Even if she didn’t want to make all of this real, there was a part of her that felt like taking her sister’s attention away from Gwendolyn right now would be cruel. Even if Bellatrix wasn’t allotting the other woman much, she was all that Gwendolyn had, and this situation was making Narcissa be more sympathetic to the woman than she had ever been in her entire life. 

She couldn’t help it; she felt for her. She _was_ her… or she would be, come a few years’ time.

“I’m just… I think I’m just projecting, and I shouldn’t be—”

“Narcissa,” Bellatrix interrupted seriously, not beating around the bush anymore. Her expression was masking over with distress, knowing exactly how terrible this would be for the other woman should it be true; how devastating it would be, if Narcissa had to give up the only thing she ever wanted in life. “ _Did you promise the Dark Lord your child?_ ”

Narcissa’s throat felt like it was closing up, and she didn’t know what else to do but sit up and try to push her sister away from her as she frantically lied, “No, okay? Now stop asking!” But she knew Bellatrix wouldn’t stop, and so in a desperate effort to change the subject, she suddenly burst out with, “—Sirius ran away from home!”

“—What?” Bellatrix asked, looking as though she couldn’t fathom where the hell that came from. “Narcissa, don’t change the damn—”

“And Walburga sent a howler this morning, demanding that if we’re hiding him that we return him immediately; like Lucius and I would _ever_ risk our standing with my family name over that mudblood-lover,” she continued, her voice rushed and desperate as she tried to make her sister think of anything else but their previous conversation. Her hands were in her hair, fisting it due to her own frustration as she continued to let out the causes of the day’s previous migraine on her.

“And then I got a letter from Cassie, who said that Goyle boy proposed to her on the last day of school and she—she _accepted,_ which just makes me feel like such an utter failure as a friend. God only knows what their children are going to look like; I can’t even stomach the thought right now.”

“Narcissa—”

“And she wants me to be her maid of honor, but how am I supposed to do that, how am I supposed to _accept_ that when I can’t even condone who it is that she’s marrying?! It’s so bloody shameful that, God, I don’t even know where to begin,” Narcissa exclaimed, looking at Bellatrix helplessly. “And I just—there’s so many things that I just cannot deal with right now; I’ve had a migraine for over an hour, and I can’t—I can’t _do_ this with you right now, Bellatrix; I just can’t…!”

“Alright, alright; hey—” Bellatrix tried, looking a little overwhelmed by how frantic her sister had suddenly become. “Fucking take a breath, yeah? First, who gives a fuck where Sirius is; that’s not our bloody problem, and _second,_ if you’re so damned ashamed by who that girl decided to marry, then why don’t you just drop her as a friend?” Exhaling an exasperated breath, Bellatrix looked at her like she couldn’t fathom how she constantly managed to always get herself so worked up as she exhaled, “Damn. It’s like the end of the world over the simplest things with you sometimes. You’re gonna pop a fucking aneurysm one day, Cissy; I swear it.” 

“I can’t just… I can’t just _drop her as a friend,_ Bellatrix,” Narcissa responded, looking at her sister like she couldn’t honestly be serious about that. “She’s the only platonic relationship I have that I trust completely, and even if—even if I _was_ awful enough to just toss her aside like she was nothing, you seem to be forgetting that she’s marrying one of my husband’s best friends. I’ll still see her all the time, and that would be… incredibly awkward.”

“Well then take comfort in the fact that it must be meant to be if your best friend has as shitty of taste in men that your husband has in friends,” Bellatrix responded impatiently, clearly not warranting this ‘crisis’ of Narcissa’s to be worth much sympathy. “Honestly it’s like you— _shit,_ ” she hissed suddenly, interrupting her train of thought as she grasped onto her forearm, looking down. 

Narcissa’s stomach dropped. God, she didn’t need this, not right now.

Bellatrix frantically pushed up the sleeve on her robe, seeing the mark on her arm burn as black as the night’s sky. “Shit, I have to go—” And it wasn’t as though Narcissa didn’t know that her sister was frequently called to the Dark Lord’s side, but it had been so long since she had been _around_ for it that it kind of took her aback, because she hadn’t been subjected to this in such a long time.

But Narcissa was older now, able to understand the fatal repercussions that would follow if Bellatrix didn’t do exactly as she was ordered, and so she didn’t try to guilt her into staying. She knew she would never be able to, no matter how much she might wish to. Still, seeing the mark reminded Narcissa of something her sister had told her not a few months prior to that, and as Bellatrix quickly climbed off the bed, she implored with, “—Wait!” needing to know why she was being told one thing, yet shown another.

“Cissy, I can’t—”

“I just…” Narcissa tried, sitting up straighter as she looked at her sister, begging her to explain one thing to her. “You told me that the war had begun.” And seeing the mark burn hot on Bellatrix’s skin, it made that statement go to the forefront of her mind for the first time in months. “Was that the truth, or were you just trying to scare me? Because nothing seems different, Bella, and I don’t understand—”

“Narcissa, I can’t do this right now,” Bellatrix responded impatiently, grabbing her wand out of her robe’s inner pocket. “You want answers? Try looking a little harder at the things you’ve already seen.” And then she was gone without another word, a puff of sickening black smoke enveloping her body as she answered her Lord’s call.

And Narcissa honestly didn’t understand what she meant; at least not until a few days later.

The following morning there was a death announcement in the Daily Prophet for the Head of the Department of International Magical Trading Standards, which didn’t seem odd in Narcissa’s eyes (the papers had claimed he had died of a heart attack) until, suddenly, Lucius was offered the job. Which was strange considering not only was Lucius not associated with that department at all prior to the job offer, he was still rather young; to be appointed Head of a Department without any prior experience was rather unprecedented. 

It made Narcissa wonder if perhaps the Dark Lord had members of the Ministry under the Imperius Curse, and was quickly moving Lucius up the ladder to where he needed to be once the war was finally on its precipice. She was certain, after all, that while this was a large step up, that the Department of International Magical Trading Standards was not meant to be Lucius’ end position. Perhaps the Dark Lord was grooming him for the title of Minister of Magic, and while that would be something Narcissa could stand behind, it sickened her that there would no doubt be a trail of bodies in the wake of her husband’s success.

And so days later, when her husband came home from his first day of his new job, Narcissa just looked at him and asked, “This was Bellatrix’s doing, wasn’t it?” Lucius looked perplexed at first, not understanding where this was coming from or what she was even talking about until Narcissa explained, “That body you stepped over to get to where you are… Bellatrix killed him, didn’t he?”

Because her sister left to take care of something for the Dark Lord, and suddenly the next day there’s a dead body and a great job opportunity for her husband? It was too perfect to be coincidental, and Narcissa wasn’t stupid. 

Lucius was silent for a moment, unsure of whether or not he should share the Death Eater’s activities with his wife. But finally he decided on being honest as he responded with, “Your sister dirties her hands so that I don’t have to,” and it sounded, almost for a second there, like he was actually _grateful_ for that; which was the strangest part of all, as Lucius had never been grateful for anything Bellatrix had done before.

Her husband never did have the stomach for murder though.

“My sister dirties her hands because she enjoys it, Lucius,” Narcissa responded with a tired voice, admitting the harsh truth out loud. And yet even still, though it should distress her, it didn’t; perhaps she was just too numb to her sister’s violence to care anymore. “She doesn’t do it for you.”

But it was that act that caused Narcissa to realize the truth of things; to realize that things _were_ changing, but that the Ministry was just trying to bury it. Because there was no way that they would misdiagnose a heart attack when a Killing Curse was used; they were covering it up, trying not to elicit panic by the slew of random bodies that seemed to be popping up more often than usual lately. All natural causes, the Daily Prophet had claimed; each and every single one of them died from natural causes, but Narcissa knew better than to believe a word of it, because she knew exactly what this was.

The Dark Lord was finally making his move.

**TBC…**


	7. VII. Winter, 1975

**CHAPTER VII  
Winter, 1975**

The January air bit harshly at Narcissa’s pale skin as she pulled her dark cloak tighter around her form. A song of loss and sorrow filled the air from the choir to the east, and Narcissa’s arm shook as she raised her wand in the air in a gesture of farewell. Her husband’s hand closed tightly around her other one then, and as she spared him a glance that was written with all of the words she couldn’t bear to say to him, she accepted a comfort that attempted to mend a lie that the man hadn’t even known he was being told.

On the other side of her, a raging storm brewed as her sister struggled to wear a mask of indifference that she did not feel. Even beside her, it felt hot and wild and suffocating, and Narcissa didn’t understand how it hadn’t brought Bellatrix to her knees by now.

Perhaps though, that was because it already had.

The words that were said were hollow and meaningless, as everyone present knew the truth of the situation; everyone there knew why the woman in the casket had been taken from them, and yet each and every one of them had to act as though this was such an unexpected, tragic death. It sickened Narcissa, especially when she looked at Rabastan, who was up there pretending that the loss of his wife was due to some unforeseen tragedy during her travels to Romania. A rock slide, they said; that buried her in the train that she was on.

No. They all knew that Gwendolyn ran, and every single one of them knew why.

Narcissa stared at the woman’s casket, trying to force the bile in her throat to stay down as she realized that there was truly no way out. In the end, she was either going to have to fulfill her promise to the Dark Lord, or force her husband and sister to attend _her_ funeral after she desperately, and futilely, tried to find a salvation that she would never have. 

The realization nearly caused her to faint.

Lucius held her upright though, and Narcissa had to softly apologize to him and claim that it must be because she hadn’t eaten in a while. Unfortunately, that was the very _wrong_ thing to say, and suddenly Lucius looked extremely worried for her when the truth of the matter was, she had actually eaten that morning. But she couldn’t tell him the real reason why she felt like she was falling, and so she let him believe _his_ worst fear because it was far better than her own.

And for the first time in her entire life, as she looked down at the woman in the casket who’s situation had bared so many similarities to her own, Narcissa seriously considered injuring herself in such a way that she could no longer bear children, because it had to be better than this.

After the ceremonial part of the funeral had ended and people were left to say their respective goodbyes individually, Narcissa hung back for a while as she allowed others to have their piece first. Bellatrix left her side almost immediately and Lucius had eventually wandered off as he mumbled something about needing a drink, leaving Narcissa with Rodolphus as they both stood under a large oak tree, the older man side-glancing at the blonde out of the corner of his eye before he watched his wife approach the casket of her sister-in-law.

“Gwen was my wife’s lover, wasn’t she?” he asked in a low voice, so as not to be overheard by the other mourners. He didn’t sound angry, but he sounded far from sympathetic as well as he watched his wife look at Rabastan like she would enjoy nothing more than to flay him alive on the spot. She no doubt blamed him for not stopping her.

Narcissa exhaled a small breath at that, and admitted the truth of it as now, it didn’t much matter anymore. “…Yes.” Besides, Bellatrix had probably made that very obvious when she had a complete and utter breakdown a few days ago when she had heard the news. 

Narcissa swallowed, remembering the state of her sister that day when she had arrived at the Lestrange manor. Rodolphus had sent a howler that simply shouted, “Get over here, _now!_ ” and Narcissa dropped absolutely everything she was doing and apparated over there in an instant, knowing Rodolphus would never involve her in their affairs unless her sister was out of control. 

And that was an understatement for what she was.

[x]

When Narcissa apparated outside of the Lestrange Manor, she hadn’t waited for an invitation before barreling inside, hearing the muffled sounds of shouting and something crashing from within. Not seeing Bellatrix or her husband immediately, although seeing a trail of destruction in the parlor and hallway that her sister no doubt was responsible for, Narcissa looked up the stairwell as she heard Rodolphus shout, “God _damnit,_ woman; let me in!” before she took the stairs two at a time, finding him outside of his wife’s bedroom door.

A high pitched scream of pain followed from the other side of the obstruction, and Narcissa’s stomach dropped to the floor as she ran up to the door, her palm slapping hard against the wood as she pleaded, “Bella! _Bella!_ Let me in!” But she was ignored by the woman on the other side, and Narcissa rounded on Rodolphus then as she practically screeched, “What the hell is going _on?!_ ” 

“I don’t bloody-well know, do I?!” Rodolphus shouted, clearly frustrated by whatever the hell was happening in his home. “The crazy sod came back from our meeting with the Dark Lord and just started destroying every bloody thing in sight before she took to locking herself in that room with the damned house elf, _who I am not fucking replacing again if it ends up dead!”_ The last part was shouted through the door to Bellatrix, who responded with another loud “Crucio!” as the elf screamed in pain, the torture being inflicted on it too much for it to bear.

Narcissa felt sick, the sound brutally reminding her of how she and her sisters used to scream when their mother inflicted punishments on them. She never understood how Bella could bear to do it to others, but their childhood seemed to affect them in two very different ways; while Narcissa had retreated inwards, Bellatrix had always exploded outwards.

“Bella, _Bellatrix!_ ” Narcissa tried, banging helplessly against the door before she rounded on Rodolphus again, infuriated with him because he hadn’t even provided her with proper answers yet. How the hell was she supposed to fix this unless she knew what had upset her? “What the hell happened at that meeting; and why the _bloody_ hell haven’t you just blown the damn door off its hinges yet? For fuck’s sake, Rodolphus; _are you a wizard or not?!_ Do something sodding _useful_ for once!” 

“Because if I blow through there, what the hell do you think she’s going to do to me in this kind of mood?” Rodolphus snapped, gesturing wildly at the door. “I’m not _you_ , Narcissa; I don’t get a free pass from having her rage inflicted on me, and this might come as a shock to you, but I’m actually quite attached to all my sodding _body parts!_ ” 

Narcissa just stared at him, dumbfounded. He was _scared;_ Rodolphus was bloody scared of her. Which, alright, might be completely valid, considering who Bellatrix was and what she was capable of, but for God’s sake, he couldn’t just leave her in there to unravel!

Although perhaps, that was probably the reason why he had sent for _her._ In the end, there had only ever been one person able to emotionally control Bellatrix Lestrange, and everyone knew it wasn’t her husband.

The screams inside were getting progressively worse, causing Narcissa’s breathing to shallow as her fingernails instinctively clawed at her own arm beneath her robes, unable to mentally handle the sounds of torture after what she herself had been subjected to in her youth. She needed to make this stop, but she couldn’t just go in there without knowing what exactly was wrong, and so her hand shot out to practically shove Rodolphus’ shoulder before she fisted his robes in her hand, demanding impatiently, “What the hell happened at that meeting, Rodolphus?!”

“I don’t—I don’t know,” Rodolphus practically stuttered, apparently searching his brain for some irregularities. “The Dark Lord mentioned there were more possible candidates from Hogwarts; I think your cousin was amongst them. They’re all too young to be of use to us now though, so I don’t see why that would throw her into a rage like that; bloody stupid, if you ask me.”

Narcissa’s heart sunk, knowing Rodolphus was speaking of Regulus. The poor boy was only fourteen; he didn’t need to be roped into all of this, not like the rest of her dysfunctional family. “It wouldn’t,” Narcissa responded solemnly, because that would never be it at all. “She’s probably _proud_ of him.” The word was said like it was a disease, but Rodolphus took no mention of it. Another scream came from the other side of the door, and Narcissa couldn’t bear it as she continued impatiently, “Damnit, Rodolphus, take your head out of your arse and _think_ for a minute; what happened today that could directly affect her life?!”

“I don’t sodding know, alright?! Outside of her damn cousin, the only person she personally knew that was mentioned was my brother’s wife; but it isn’t as though they regularly got together for _tea_ or anything, so I don’t see why she would even bloody care—”

Narcissa immediately felt like she couldn’t breathe, her entire face going white as a sheet. “Gwen…?” she breathed, horrified. She knew immediately what had happened, and suddenly her sister’s destructive rage made more sense; it was her sorrow. It was the only way she knew how to express it, and Narcissa’s heart began to break for her as she realized what exactly her sister had lost today.

“…Yes,” Rodolphus answered, his brow crinkling a little as he tried to make sense of why Narcissa would sound so familiar with her; as far as he knew, he probably believed that they had only interacted briefly during social occasions. “She tried to run with my brother’s unborn child; however it had been promised to the Dark Lord, and he cut her down for it. Although why that would bother my wife, I still don’t know. Even Rabastan seems relatively okay with it; it was what she deserved for such a betrayal, after all.” He shook his head then, tsking rather condescendingly as he finished, “The foolish woman.”

Narcissa just stared at him, horrified. How could he not—how could he not _care?_ Maybe he didn’t have a relationship with Gwendolyn, but she was his sodding sister-in-law! God, even her own _husband_ barely cared that she was dead? No wonder Bellatrix was practically destroying everything in sight; to her, Gwendolyn had _mattered,_ and if no one else was going to acknowledge that the woman’s death was a tragedy, then Bellatrix was going to make certain that she did it for them by self-destructing twice as hard.

God, Narcissa felt like she couldn’t breathe. She had known what would happen if Gwendolyn, if _she_ had tried to back out of the deal that they had both made with the Dark Lord, but it was one thing to know it, and another to _live_ it. And right now, Narcissa was more frightened than she had ever been in her entire life.

And yet still, some things just mattered more.

“You… you _idiot!_ ” Narcissa screeched at the man next to her, violently pushing him away from the door. “Do you pay _any_ attention to your wife’s life? Gwendolyn was her best friend!”

Rodolphus looked dumbfounded by this information, but perhaps the two women had always gone out of their way to try to hide the true nature of their relationship by never admitting to even being _friends,_ let alone anything else. Regardless, there had to be _some_ times when they interacted with each other in front of their husbands, and so Narcissa was still liable to blame Rodolphus for being a self-involved, unobservant _arse._

“Well how the bloody hell would I know? Neither of them ever mentioned that they were spending time togeth—”

“Just go _away,_ Rodolphus, get out!” Narcissa shrieked at him, practically forcing him backwards down the stairs. She didn’t want him anywhere near Bellatrix when she broke that door down; she didn’t want him seeing his wife completely break down. Because this? This was just the first phase of Bellatrix’s mourning, and it was far from over. “You’re not helping; you’re never fucking helping, so just _sod off_ until I deal with this!”

Rodolphus cussed under his breath at Narcissa’s rudeness towards him, but did not contradict her; in the end, they both knew he didn’t want to deal with this anyway, which is why he had called _her._ Rodolphus never did have much patience for his wife’s violent mood swings.

Once he had left though, Narcissa momentarily allowed the reality of the situation to wash over her as she fell to a crouched position in the middle of the hallway, her breathing shallowing as her fingers fisted tightly in her own hair. “Shit,” she breathed, the word choking up in her throat. “Shit, shit, shit, _shit…_ ” Tears stung the back of her eyes, but Narcissa silently tried to coach herself to calm down and not make this about herself and her own future, because she couldn’t do this now; she couldn’t break down, because her sister needed her.

Narcissa heard something loud crash from inside of the bedroom then, another high pitched scream from the elf following whatever it was that Bellatrix had just done to it, and the blonde choked back her own emotional turmoil as she forced herself to stand. “Bella!” she shouted, banging on the door with the flat of her palm. “Bella, please, it’s me; open the door!”

But either her sister was ignoring her or was unable to recognize anything that was being said to her while she drowned in her own sorrow, so Narcissa swallowed hard and took her wand out from the inner pocket of her robe. “ _Alohamora,_ ” she tried first, despite not believing it would work; Bellatrix wasn’t exactly shoddy about her security in her home, considering her ties to the Dark Lord’s organization. And of course it didn’t, but Narcissa wanted to at least try before she took to destroying even more of her sister’s home.

“Bellatrix, if you don’t open this door right now I’m gonna blow it off its damn hinges, do you hear me? You have thirty seconds!” 

She received no response.

“Fuck,” Narcissa breathed, not wanting to do this; she didn’t want to force her presence on her sister, as she doubted it would be taken well, but Bellatrix wasn’t leaving her much choice anymore. “Move!” she shouted a final warning before she backed up a few steps, pointed her wand at the door, and cast, “ _Bombarda!_ ”

The door immediately exploded into kindling, tiny pieces of wood flying every which way as Narcissa covered her face in order to protect herself from the debris. She heard her sister shriek, enraged by the interruption and before Narcissa could get her bearings after the explosion Bellatrix was already in the doorway, her eyes wild and crazed as she screamed, “I said leave me the fuck _alone!_ ” Her wand came down in a sharp motion then, a nonverbal spell slicing open the skin on Narcissa’s arm as the blonde gasped hard from the pain, immediately grasping onto the wounded area as she felt blood begin to seep between her fingertips.

“Bella—Bella, it’s _me!_ ” she shouted desperately, because she was certain that spell was meant to do more damage than it actually had, but with the sawdust from the exploding door obstructing the brunette’s view and Narcissa’s chance arm placement, it had merely become a superficial wound. 

Could Bellatrix not hear her? Was she so inside of her own head, so wrapped up in her own grief, that everything shouted at her merely became background noise? Bellatrix had screamed that she told her to leave her alone, but she never had; was she just yelling it inside of her own head all this time, believing that the words were coming out of her mouth when the only thing being exhaled were sounds of sorrow and pain?

Because Bellatrix was sobbing, but she didn’t seem like she even knew she was. Tears were running down her cheeks in jagged lines but her eyes were alight with a fiery anger as she stormed through the doorway, looking as though she were about to destroy Narcissa where she stood. “Bella, _no!_ ” Narcissa shrieked fearfully as she immediately cast a shield charm, the force of it causing Bellatrix to practically be knocked back before Narcissa did the first thing she could think of and screamed, “Incarcerous!” the ropes binding her sister’s legs and causing her to trip as her body hit the ground hard. 

Narcissa was on top of her within seconds, her grip on the brunette’s arms bruising as she tried desperately to hold her down, considering herself very lucky that Bellatrix’s rage seemed to blind her from retaliating properly. If she had been thinking clearly, there was probably no way that Narcissa would have gotten out of that alive. Although to be fair, if her sister had been thinking clearly, she probably never would have attacked her in the first place. Still, she managed to subdue her, at least for the moment, and Narcissa locked her legs around the brunette’s waist as she desperately fought against Bellatrix’s rage as the woman beneath her tried to buck her off.

“Bella, _Bella!_ Stop, it’s me!” Narcissa tried, her whole body beginning to ache as she used every ounce of strength she had in her to keep her sister on the floor. Now that she was on top of her she could tell that Bellatrix was covered in blood spatters, and one glance into the bedroom from their position in the doorway allowed Narcissa to see the twitching form of their house elf as it struggled to stay alive. Narcissa felt sick.

“ _Rodolphus!_ ” she shouted, not particularly wanting him to be up here during all of this, but knowing the house elf needed medical attention. Hoping that he heard her, she turned back to her sister who was shouting obscenities at her through her tears that didn’t make any sense until she began to pick out words through her sobs. 

“Fucking… _hate_ her; I fucking—fucking… _Cissy…_ ” Bellatrix begged, finally realizing who it was who was on top of her, and it was like suddenly all of the fight left her as she allowed herself to collapse back against the ground as Narcissa grasped her face in her hands, pressing their foreheads together as she gently tried to shush her.

“I know,” Narcissa breathed, because she knew what Bellatrix meant; she didn’t hate Gwendolyn, but she hated her choices, she hated that she didn’t listen to her, and got herself killed in the process. And above all, Bellatrix hated how weak and emotional the woman’s death had made her; after experiencing a lack of control with her disease, Bellatrix hated being a slave to her own emotions, which this radiated in spades. “I know, my love, I know…”

Bellatrix exhaled another sob, sounding infuriated and frustrated with herself for even doing it, for acting like this, when it was completely justifiable that the death of a woman she once loved would cripple her. But Bellatrix despised being a victim, even to her own emotions, and so Narcissa tried to help her calm down as she wiped away the woman’s tears with her thumbs, still cradling her sister’s face in her hands as she whispered that it would be alright over and over, despite knowing that it never would be.

“You know, this is exactly why everyone thinks you two have a fucked up relationship.”

Narcissa hadn’t even heard Rodolphus come up the stairs, otherwise she would have made their position seem a lot less intimate. Regardless, it wasn’t like she had her tongue down her sister’s throat; but before she had a chance to tell him to fuck off and just deal with the bloody elf, Bellatrix shrieked in rage and tried to point her wand at him, the abrupt movement having allowed her to get out of her sister’s hold rather quickly. 

“Bella, no!” Narcissa shouted, snatching the brunette’s wrist just in time, causing whatever nonverbal spell she hurled at him to collide into the wall just inches from his head, charring it black. 

“Jesus fucking _hell,_ you gormless cow!” Rodolphus snapped, although that was _after_ his first instinct was to look as though he were about to wet himself. “I am not replacing every bloody thing in this house because of you—you can make new friends, if that’s what you’re so sodding wrecked over; she’s just one fucking person, it doesn’t matter!”

And oh, that was the very _wrong_ thing to say.

“ _Bella!_ ” Narcissa shouted, trying to get her sister to see sense; that she couldn’t just attack her damn husband, no matter how much of an arsehole he was being. She struggled with her sister’s wand as Bellatrix shouted something that resembled, “I should fucking kill you!” before she finally pressed down on a sensitive part of Bellatrix’s wrist with her thumb, causing her to drop it immediately. Narcissa kicked it away before Bellatrix had a chance to grab it again whilst screaming at Rodolphus, “Do you have a bloody _death wish?!_ Fuck off and tend to your damn house elf while I deal with her; the thing needs medical attention and as you can _bloody well see,_ I have my sodding hands full at the moment!”

Rodolphus barely spared the house elf a glance, just briefly noting its bloodied body and twitching limbs before he did the complete fucking opposite of what she had asked, and cast, “ _Avada Kedavra_ ,” killing it instantly. “It’ll be cheaper to just replace it,” he offered as an explanation once Narcissa gaped at him, horrified, still desperately trying to hold her sister down as she thrashed beneath her. Thankfully she didn’t have use to her legs due to the Incarcerous spell, otherwise Narcissa was certain she wouldn’t have been able to do this for very long. “Bloody thing would be too fucked up after what that mental bimbo did to it to be of much use anyway.”

“Well then get _out!_ ” Narcissa shouted, horrified and angry and just so bloody _exhausted_ from being the only one in this family that did anything of use. She couldn’t even have time to deal with her own mental breakdown because she had to deal with her sister’s, which was now _on top_ of Bellatrix’s desire to flay her husband alive. “What sodding use are you? Take the body out of here and fuck _off;_ you’re just making everything worse!”

God, she shouldn’t have called him back up here, but she just couldn’t leave the house elf to die like that. In the end though, she supposed it didn’t matter. Perhaps it had a quicker death this way, but it was at the expense of making her sister’s mental state worse.

“Don’t blame me, Narcissa; you’re the one who called me up here! So if you didn’t want me around, maybe you shouldn’t fucking— _shit!_ ” Rodolphus exclaimed, interrupting himself just as he saw his wife take advantage of her sister’s distractibility and actually manage to throw Narcissa off her this time. Her legs were still bound though, so it took her longer than it probably normally would have to reach her wand, which caused the spell she threw at him with a snarl to miss as Rodolphus had enough of a chance to disapparate.

Screaming in rage at having missed, Bellatrix’s hand slammed down against the wooden floor before Narcissa shouted her name, scrambling to get behind her before she wrapped her in her arms, encouraging Bellatrix to lie in a ball on the floor as she cried and swore. “Stop, Bellatrix…!” Narcissa pleaded, her voice cracking in her throat. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take. “Please, _please_ stop…!”

“Nobody fucking _cares!_ ” she screeched, horrified by the realization that Gwendolyn’s life didn’t mean as much to anyone else as it did to her. “She’s dead and nobody—nobody fucking _cares,_ Cissy; it doesn’t even matter that she’s gone! Just like everyone else who dies at our hand, it doesn’t even matter that she’s gone…”

“Of course it matters, of course _she_ matters,” Narcissa told her strongly, holding her sister close to her body as she practically spooned her on the floor. Another tear leaked out of Bellatrix’s eye but she stilled herself, looking so incredibly lost that it broke Narcissa in half as she realized this was the first time Bellatrix experienced death in the way that the rest of the world did. 

People had always died all around her, mostly at her own hand, and she had never cared; it was just another day of the week. But this was the first time the finality of death really hit her as she realized she would never see Gwendolyn again, that she would never see someone she _cared_ for again, and it was completely shattering her because she wasn’t prepared for any kind of death to emotionally affect her in this way, especially because she had been taught to just accept any and all death the Dark Lord had ordered to be carried out.

She _hated_ what Voldemort had done, but Bellatrix gave him her unwavering support regardless, and now she didn’t even know how to feel; which was evident as she finally breathed sadly, “She deserved it, I know she deserved it; I should be like them, I shouldn’t _care…_ ”

“No, don’t say that,” Narcissa begged softly, unable to bear the thought of her sister justifying it like that, especially due to her own circumstances. “Bella, she didn’t— _nobody_ deserves to die, no matter what they’ve done.” And especially not because she tried to save her own child’s life; in no way was that deserving of such a fate.

“Mum deserved to die,” Bellatrix countered flatly, lifelessly, and suddenly Narcissa was struck mute, because she couldn’t dispute it; there was no way she would ever voice out loud that Druella Black deserved to live, not after what she had done to her and her sisters. 

“She deserved to die,” Bellatrix breathed again then, as though she was trying to coach herself into accepting Gwendolyn’s death. Narcissa couldn’t bear it though and pleaded with her to stop, because it was okay to be upset, it was okay to be broken by this, but Bellatrix, who couldn’t bear to be torn between her emotions and her Lord, just ignored her as she continued her little emotionless chant as she stared at the far wall.

“Gwen, she… she deserved to die, she deserved to die…”

And so Narcissa fought back tears as she continued to hold her, fearing that should she be the Dark Lord’s next victim, her sister would tell herself the exact same thing, just to try to justify following a man that devastated her so completely.

[x]

Despite Bellatrix’s attempt at convincing herself that Gwendolyn’s death was both justifiable and needed however, the woman who stood next to the coffin looked akin to a patchwork doll that was coming undone at the seams; she was still put together, but Narcissa knew that one wrong tug would be all that was needed to completely unravel her.

It broke her heart but she allowed her sister some space, knowing that this was too personal for her to share; especially due to the friction that used to be present between Narcissa and Gwendolyn when they were younger. Even though that hadn’t been an issue for months now, as some things were much more important than her petty jealousies, Narcissa was still afraid her condolences would come off as not genuine, should she try to express them.

“Tch,” Rodolphus murmured disapprovingly beneath his breath as he watched his wife from a distance. “Her bloody sister-in-law… that woman needs boundaries.”

Narcissa shot him a scathing look, finding his lack of compassion in this matter extremely distasteful, given where they currently were. Could this judgment not wait until they were home? “Oh, calm down; it wasn’t as though they were blood related or anything,” Narcissa countered quietly on her sister’s behalf, which was probably a laughable defense, considering _her_ relationship with her sister, but regardless. 

“Yes,” Rodolphus responded dryly, knowingly side-eyeing her. “Thank goodness for small favors.”

Narcissa wanted to punch him in the nose.

“Excuse me,” is all she said in response though, her tone terse. “I should pay my respects.” And then she walked away from him, knowing that if she didn’t she might snap at him about things that should never be implicated in public, no matter what he bloody believed. Lucius may have dropped it, but it seemed Rodolphus was far from it.

Eventually they would need to do something about that, but this was neither the time nor place.

Narcissa approached the coffin slowly, her throat tightening with emotion as she faced the reality of her own private fears. Bellatrix had distanced herself from the crowd of mourners a moment earlier, no doubt needing a moment’s privacy after she looked upon the face of the woman she once loved for the very last time. 

Narcissa coached herself to breathe though as she finally got close enough to see Gwendolyn, and she looked… peaceful; unscathed, which was conducive of a Killing Curse, and not a rock slide that had supposedly buried her in a train she was on. It was so bloody obvious that it made Narcissa sick that no one would mention it, but the entirety of Gwendolyn’s ‘mourners’ were Death Eaters and their families, and everyone knew the truth of it anyway, so why did it matter, what would be mentioned in the papers the next morning? It didn’t change what happened, and it certainly didn’t encourage anyone to speak out against it.

“I’m so sorry,” Narcissa breathed softly to her, feeling guilty for every time in her childhood that she wished the other woman would die; that she would disappear forever, and just leave Bellatrix to be loved solely by her. In the end it seemed she got her wish, but all it did was make Narcissa feel sick with herself.

And then she saw it.

The coffin was only half open, the lower part hiding Gwendolyn’s bottom half unless you were close enough to see beneath its lid. But Narcissa could see all of it now, and what she witnessed suddenly made her want to vomit, because it was plainly obvious that Gwendolyn wasn’t pregnant any longer. And Narcissa couldn’t believe she didn’t realize sooner, because if she had she would have remembered that the woman was due early this month, and why would Voldemort kill her, without first cashing in on his investment? It just didn’t make sense.

God, did he _cut_ the child out of her, or did he wait; allow her to give birth naturally before slaughtering her? Narcissa was certain she didn’t want to know, but she had to quickly back herself away from the coffin as her stomach turned, fearful that she was about to get very, very ill right there in the middle of the funeral.

“Such a tragedy, isn’t it?”

Narcissa nearly passed out.

Because she knew that voice; that voice haunted her dreams and made her sick with fear and it was _there,_ coming from right behind her, and Narcissa wanted nothing more than to run screaming into her sister’s arms, but Bellatrix was nowhere to be found. Narcissa briefly closed her eyes, _demanding_ at herself in her head that she get herself through this, that she wouldn’t burst into tears or run from the man that would no doubt cut her down if she tried. She took a deep breath.

“Yes,” she responded, hoping her voice didn’t quake as she turned to look upon the face of her nightmares. “It is.” 

And yet, strangely, the person standing in front of her didn’t much look like her nightmares as she remembered them; Voldemort looked more man than monster now, and Narcissa wondered how that was possible, when his darkness had begun corrupting his appearance years ago. He still looked sickly pale with hollow eyes, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been before. Had she just concocted this image of him in her mind that was compliant with the monster she knew he was, without it ever actually being true? She didn’t know anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Narcissa quickly apologized, knowing she was meant to do so; because if treating the Dark Lord with a respect he did not, nor would ever earn from her allowed her to live a little longer, then that’s what she was going to do. “If I had known you were present here, my husband and I would have surely greeted you properly. I hope you don’t think us rude.”

“Not at all,” Voldemort responded, looking a little amused by Narcissa’s sentiments. “I only just arrived. I was unfortunately engaged in another matter during the ceremony, but I thought it important that I still make an appearance; to express my deepest condolences, of course.”

“…Of course.” Narcissa tried to sound genuine in her reply, but she knew better; this was a warning, and possibly not just to her, although he seemed to approach her first. “Well,” she tried as she swallowed hard, knowing she needed to let him know that she got the message; she didn’t want Voldemort to linger around her any more than he had to. “I’m sure they were heard by those who needed to hear them.”

“Oh, I’m sure they were,” Voldemort responded, once again sounding amused at Narcissa’s expense. “After all, it would be a shame if I would have to repeat them in a few years’ time.”

Narcissa noticeably blanched, but tried to hold herself together as she nodded, letting him know she understood what he was implying. And it was then, without any warning, that she felt the Dark Lord begin to break into her mind. Narcissa’s first instinct was to block him out, and considering she had spent the better part of the last year being constantly paranoid that her sister, husband, or brother-in-law would perform Legilimency on her within a moment’s notice, she could have done so with only minor difficulties. But she knew Voldemort was only looking for proof that she planned to betray him, and because she had no intention to due to the fear of what would happen to her should she try, she allowed him in.

In the end anyway, it would be better if he didn’t know that she had the capability to lie to him. She was certain that would anger him more, and it was too late to plant a false memory for him now. It was either this or block him out completely, which would have made it obvious that she was being trained in Occlumency.

It was brief anyway. Voldemort had an uncanny way of navigating through her mind, opening the only door that ever hid this conversation behind it. “ _Did you promise the Dark Lord your child?_ ” Bellatrix demanded to know inside of her mind, which was immediately followed by Narcissa’s desperate exclamation of, “No, okay? Now stop asking!” And then Voldemort pulled away, somehow just _knowing_ that that was the closest it had ever come to being discussed.

“She knows,” he mentioned, his voice merely above a murmur so as to not be overheard by the other guests, “and yet you still insist on lying to her. Interesting.”

“My sister lost her right to know anything about my life years ago,” Narcissa responded, a little short for breath from the blatant invasion that left her feeling exhausted and a bit out of it. But she held onto the lie that her and Bellatrix had broken up, because that’s what she had planted for him at Lucius’ initiation, and that’s what he needed to believe. 

“And yet from what I hear, you both are now spending an exuberant amount of time together,” Voldemort countered, and it was like he just _knew,_ without even having to go poking around in her mind for proof, he knew that something about that didn’t add up. “Strange, considering you claim you’re not that close anymore.”

“She—she’s my sister,” Narcissa defended, hating how her voice caught on the first word, because she was afraid it was so very telling. “We might not be as close as we once were, but she is still…” Voldemort looked at her expectantly, and Narcissa’s voice grew very soft, completely unsure of the lie she kept telling him as she weakly finished, “she’s my best friend…” Which, of course, contradicted quite heavily with her saying that Bellatrix lost her right to know anything about her life, but Narcissa didn’t know what else to say.

“How _very_ touching.”

Narcissa’s cheeks flushed of their own accord at his sarcastic tone, but before she could hang herself from the nearest tree for no doubt being far too obvious that, despite whatever she had been showing him, her feelings for her sister still had not changed, suddenly Bellatrix was behind her. “My Lord!” she greeted, sounding both surprised and terribly worried that he was standing there talking to _Narcissa_ of all people. “I wasn’t aware you were here. I’m terribly sorry I didn’t greet you sooner; I assure you I would never be so rude purposefully.”

Bellatrix actually bowed her head at him, as though she felt unworthy to even look at the man in the eyes, and the blatant submissiveness of the gesture made Narcissa ill. Her sister was a _force,_ a violent storm and a wave of passion; and this… this was not her. This was so very far from the person she knew that it hurt to just watch her. 

Voldemort chuckled though, and it was almost as though he found Bellatrix a little endearing. “Do not concern yourself with it, Bella; as I told your sister, I merely just arrived.” Something broke in Narcissa from hearing the Dark Lord call her sister the very same nickname that only _she_ called her, because it was certainly a manipulation; he saw inside of her mind, he knew how Narcissa addressed her, and he was no doubt using it to inspire unwavering trust in the woman who served him. 

“I admit though, I was hoping to speak with you,” Voldemort continued, looking at the brunette who stood next to Narcissa, who felt as though she were frozen in the spot. “You know you’re my favorite, Bella,” he told her, gently touching Bellatrix’s chin as he fed the woman everything she needed to hear in order to continue being his loyal lap dog, “and that I would never seek to upset you purposely. What happened to that woman was unfortunate, but necessary; the message she served solidified you from ever losing what was _truly_ important to you, and I know if given the choice, you would have preferred it this way.”

Bellatrix swallowed, her brow furrowing as she tried to read between the lines of what her Lord was telling her. But Narcissa had already heard him loud and clear; Voldemort was telling her that Gwendolyn’s death insured that _she_ would never betray him, but he made it sound as though it was all so Bellatrix could keep Narcissa alive, and that was a load of crap. Voldemort would have killed Gwendolyn whether or not it served a message to her, but he was twisting everything so that Bellatrix would weigh Gwendolyn’s life up against Narcissa’s and make a choice of who she would want to save, which would no doubt end up being _her._ Voldemort knew that if Bellatrix could justify Gwendolyn’s death by believing that it saved Narcissa’s life, that she would be more at peace with what had happened.

How easy it was for the man to manipulate her sister sickened Narcissa, but she kept herself quiet, knowing better than to speak out against it if she valued her own life.

Still, Bellatrix either didn’t understand what Voldemort was trying to say, or hoped he wasn’t implying a whole lot of things she didn’t want him to know, so she questioned hesitantly with, “My Lord?”

“There’s no need to act coy, Bellatrix,” Voldemort responded, almost as though he were reprimanding her. Thankfully though, the Dark Lord’s presence allotted them a wide berth from the other funeral goers, no one wanting to be close enough to him without permission, especially when he seemed to be involved in a private conversation, which at least allowed them the freedom to speak openly; albeit in low tones. “You know that my trip through your sister’s mind allowed me to mend your own, and so I am very much aware of Narcissa’s distain towards Gwendolyn, and why she felt that way.”

Bellatrix shot Narcissa a blameful look then and the blonde’s cheeks flushed in guilt as she looked down at her shoes. “I’m sorry,” she breathed, knowing Bellatrix would be furious with her for unintentionally revealing a secret, even though she hadn’t been taught how to hide it back then.

Voldemort continued though, barely sparing Narcissa a glance. “You hide too much from me, my dearest Bella,” he said, acting so patient and _understanding_ towards her that Narcissa couldn’t understand how Bellatrix didn’t see that he was manipulating her with such sentiments. Surely he did not feel them? 

“You fear losing the most precious thing to you, but what I’ve done assures you that you will not,” he continued, and Narcissa watched her sister practically hang on every word like it was her life blood. “Sometimes, sacrifices must be made in order to protect the things we care for the most; and what may appear to be our weakness to others could, in retrospect, turn out to be our greatest motivation.” Voldemort glanced at the blonde beside his lieutenant then, indicating with his eyes what he was speaking about. “Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

Lies; what he was telling her was _lies!_ The Dark Lord was only pretending to be accepting of Bellatrix’s love for her because he knew it would be the only thing that ever bore the chance of turning her against him; and by pretending as though he were granting her some big favor by allowing such a thing, he was ultimately making sure that Bellatrix would do whatever she could to make sure Narcissa fulfilled her promise to the Dark Lord. Jesus, how could Bellatrix not see what he was doing?!

The brunette just looked at him like he was the second coming of Christ though, so much adoration and respect in her eyes as she was basically given everything she wanted on a silver platter, not realizing that it was all poisoned by his emotional manipulation. “Thank you,” she breathed, her fingers tangling briefly in her sister’s before she remembered they were in public and pulled away, bowing her head respectfully as she continued to show her undying gratitude with, “Thank you, My Lord, _thank you…!_ ”

Narcissa was certain she was about to throw up. She couldn’t bear this.

“You’re different than the others,” Voldemort told her, laying it on thick so Bellatrix would always live and breathe for his acceptance. “Stronger, faster, _fiercely_ loyal to both me and our noble cause… and that is why I will allot you this one distraction, Bella. Do not make me regret it.”

“No, of course, My Lord; I would never think to make you regret anything you’ve graciously given me!” Bellatrix responded passionately, completely overwhelmed by Voldemort’s apparent generosity that she couldn’t even see that it was all laced in bullshit. At the end of the day, if Narcissa got in his way, he would most certainly cut her down, no matter how Bellatrix would feel about it. Right now though, Voldemort seemed to realize he could use her attachment to Narcissa for his own gain, and found it better to exploit that, rather than forbid it.

If he gave Bellatrix everything she ever wanted, then he could make her do whatever he wanted her to do. He was solidifying her loyalty, and using Narcissa to do it.

How long that would last though, was anyone’s guess; but her sister was smiling now, and no matter how fearful Narcissa was that this was not a permanent situation, she found she couldn’t bear to voice her concerns and wipe away the only sense of happiness and freedom her sister had felt in a long time. 

It just seemed far too cruel.

**TBC…**


	8. VII. Winter, 1975

**CHAPTER VIII  
Winter, 1975**

Narcissa exhaled a surprised breath as she felt hands grasp for purchase against her form, her back hitting the entryway wall with a loud thud before her face was grasped in between warm palms, and a pair of soft lips enveloped her own. Bellatrix hadn’t even given her the courtesy of a greeting before she was on top of her, and honestly it took Narcissa a lot longer than it probably should have for her to come to her senses about where they were and what they were doing.

“— _Bella,_ ” she tried, because she understood that her sister was still grieving and probably just needed to forget that she attended the funeral of a loved one today, but this wasn’t exactly a private spot in order to do so. Her sister just responded with a rough bite to her bottom lip though, causing Narcissa to exhale a rather undignified squawk of protest before Bellatrix’s tongue invaded her mouth, causing the blonde to forget for a good ten seconds what the hell she was supposed to be saying.

Eventually though her brain caught up to the situation and Narcissa placed her hands on her sister’s shoulders, trying to hold Bellatrix back from her for a moment as she struggled to regulate her breathing. “ _Bella,_ ” she stressed again, needing the other woman to listen to her, at least for a second. “We’re in the middle of your bloody entryway; where’s _Rodolphus?_ ”

Because she had thought her sister’s husband had come home with her; at least that was what it looked like anyway, considering the Lestrange’s had left together. Narcissa had gone home as well after the funeral, but told Lucius a few hours later that she wanted to check on her sister again, seeing as Bellatrix hadn’t been handling Gwendolyn’s death very well. Narcissa was afraid actually attending the funeral would make the woman unravel again, despite the Dark Lord’s attempts to justify the death to her.

Perhaps not though.

“Fuck if I know,” Bellatrix responded, like for some reason that question was completely _irrelevant_ before she pushed Narcissa’s hands off of her shoulders, capturing her lips in another searing kiss as she pinned her against the wall. Narcissa tried to protest, but all she got for her efforts was her sister’s tongue in her mouth again. It was only brief though, Bellatrix pulling back for a moment to pant against her lips, a wide smile forming across her expression that looked a bit mad with joy, “Fuck if I even care…”

Excuse her?

“—Bella!” Narcissa protested, shoving her sister off of her, harder this time, needing at least a second of bloody space for the moment. God, sometimes she felt like she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t _think_ when Bellatrix was touching her. “Have you completely lost it? What the hell do you mean, you don’t _care?_ ”

“We’re _free,_ Cissy; don’t you understand?” Bellatrix breathed passionately as she grasped for her, needing her sister to listen to her. She was smiling, like she was the happiest she had been in years, and Narcissa couldn’t fathom it. “Hiding it, it doesn’t matter anymore—”

Oh my god, had she completely lost her _mind?_

“I still have a _husband,_ Bellatrix!” Narcissa exclaimed, horrified and disbelieving that Bellatrix would believe that just because the Dark Lord gave her permission to use her as a ‘distraction’ (which did not, in any way, implicate that he was alright with the _way_ they had previously been using one another in that way), that that meant it was alright for the whole bloody fucking world to know about them. Because that had to be why her sister thought that, didn’t it? Narcissa couldn’t understand how she could come to this conclusion any other way, at the very least. “And perhaps you may not want to keep yours, but I’d like to keep _mine!_ ”

Bellatrix scoffed. “They won’t leave us—” Why, because she would threaten them into staying? That wasn’t what Narcissa wanted. 

“You don’t _know_ that!” the blonde responded heatedly, barely able to believe that they were actually having this conversation right now. “And I love Lucius; I could never bear hurting him in that way. _Bellatrix,_ ” she begged, grasping onto her sister’s hands as desperation shone behind her eyes. “I understand that there has always been this part of you that needed to feel as though the real you was accepted by the Dark Lord, and now that you feel that way you think nothing else matters, but please don’t do this to me. I love you, but it would—people knowing the truth about us, it would… it would _ruin_ me. I’m not like you; my reputation and my marriage are all I have.”

Bellatrix looked so completely betrayed by her sister’s statement that the look on her face completely shattered Narcissa from the inside out, but she needed the other woman to see reason. Bellatrix was emotionally unstable right now, and she wasn’t thinking clearly. 

“I’m not saying this to hurt you,” Narcissa tried after her sister had violently shoved her away, because she didn’t want Bellatrix to think she would ever purposely do something like that. “But you need to understand that you’re immersing yourself in something just to run from another. Gwen’s death completely shattered you, and because of that you’re desperately grasping onto the only thing that’s made you happy in days. And if you want to bring me upstairs and make love to me because you need to feel something _good_ right now, I would be more than willing to do so; but please don’t let yourself fall into this delusion of acceptance, because I assure you it will not come from everyone.”

“I don’t _want_ him to accept it,” Bellatrix seethed, looking so incredibly hateful and hurt. “I want him to be horrified by it, and I want to throw in his face that it doesn’t _matter._ I want him to try to hold it over me, and I want to laugh at him because he _can’t._ Narcissa, I don’t want to have to fucking hide in my own home anymore; I lose so much bloody time hiding my entire life instead of living it, and I’m sick of it! Cissy, I’m fucking—I’m so fucking _sick_ of it…!” 

_Oh._

Suddenly, Narcissa realized what this was really about; and perhaps at first it did come from an overwhelming urge to hold onto the only good thing she had felt in days after feeling so incredibly weakened and shattered, but that wasn’t the core of it. Bellatrix felt as though she spent too much time hiding her relationship with Gwendolyn instead of _experiencing_ it, and a part of her was afraid that if she continued to do that with Narcissa that she’d run out of time with her as well. She no doubt blamed Rodolphus for forcing her to do so; blamed him for not having enough time with Gwendolyn before she had died, despite the fact that they had broken up years ago. Still, when they were together they had to hide their relationship just as much as Bellatrix had to hide hers with Narcissa, and she _hated_ her husband for that.

Bellatrix didn’t want him to be in control anymore, even if the man didn’t realize how much control he really had.

“Bella…” Narcissa breathed sympathetically, reaching for her sister to draw her into an embrace as she watched her sister’s eyes brim over with furious tears. God, she couldn’t bear to see her like this; losing one of the only two people Bellatrix had ever cared about in this world really messed her up, and it broke Narcissa’s heart. 

Protectively cradling the back of her sister’s head, Narcissa placed a gentle kiss to her temple as she told her softly, “I know how much it must hurt you, to never be allowed to be who you are. And perhaps with us that’s justifiable, as what we’re… what we’re _doing_ with one another, will probably never be okay in anyone’s eyes.” It was the unfortunate truth, but the truth nonetheless. “But having to hide your love for women in general is absolutely horrible, and it breaks my heart that you’ll never have a chance to experience a love that isn’t judged and condemned. No one should have to go through life pretending to be someone they’re not.”

“And yet _I_ still have to,” Bellatrix finished for her bitterly, the words being muffled a little by Narcissa’s hair as her fingers fisted in her sister’s robes. “Because that’s just the way the sodding world works, right?” She ripped herself away from her then, infuriated by her situation when for a moment there, she had actually thought it could change. “Save your bullshit platitudes for someone who cares, Cissy; they mean crap coming from someone who’s passing anyway.”

Narcissa’s brow furrowed. “Passing for what?”

“ _Normal._ ” Bellatrix spat the word out like it was poison. “At the end of the day, you can still go home and play house with a man and not have it feel like a lie; not have it feel like you’re trapped in this little fucking box that’s slowly suffocating you, and fuck, Cissy, you have no idea how much a part of me _despises_ you for that.”

Narcissa swallowed, hating that her sister felt that way, but saying nothing to contradict it. She might feel just as suffocated by her own lies sometimes, might feel just as unaccepted and ashamed for the way she feels because the world had decided to deem it wrong, but Bellatrix was right; at the end of the day, she had other options. Bellatrix didn’t have that luxury. 

“I’m wasting my life being trapped in a cage; wasting _time_ with the people—no, now the only _person_ I have left that I actually give a sod about on this earth, just because the rest of the world apparently has delicate fucking dispositions,” Bellatrix seethed, sounding angry despite her gaze looking helpless and lost; trapped in a world she felt like she didn’t belong in. “And no matter what sympathetic bullshit you spit in my direction, Cissy, it’ll never change the fact that I’ll never be able to feel the same kind of freedom you do with that irritating prat of a man. So please do me a fucking favor and stop trying to make me feel better, because you suck at it.”

Something in Narcissa broke. 

She couldn’t bear watching her sister live like this anymore; it was obvious it was destroying her. Bellatrix deserved happiness and freedom just as much as anyone else, and Narcissa couldn’t… she just _couldn’t_ be the cause for her not having it. Bellatrix should feel secure about being herself inside of her own home, because it was… it was her _home._ If she couldn’t even have an escape from the cruelty of the real world, then how would she continue to bear it every time she stepped out that door?

And so, terrified beyond all sane reasoning as she acted on a decision she was afraid she would later regret, Narcissa did the only thing she felt in that moment was right and grasped her sister’s face in her hands, kissing her out in the middle of bloody everything as she trapped Bellatrix’s back against the wall. “ _Promise me,_ ” she breathed against the other woman’s lips, her voice catching with fear and emotion as she grasped desperately for her sister’s form. “Promise me that if he ever sees us, that you’ll make sure that he can never breathe a word of it to anyone; Bellatrix, _please…_ ”

“I’ll force him to take the Unbreakable Vow. Torture him until he agrees; I don’t bloody care,” Bellatrix swore to her passionately, realizing what exactly Narcissa was allowing her to have, and at what risk her sister was undertaking for her to have it. “Cissy…” she breathed, grasping her sister’s cheek as she pressed their foreheads together, a genuine smile breaking out across her face that made Bellatrix look absolutely breathtaking. She was _happy,_ and that was all… that was all Narcissa ever wanted; for her sister to be happy. “Narcissa, I fucking—I fucking _love_ you; I love you more than anything on this bloody earth, do you hear me? You’re the only thing worth a damn to me in this wretched world…”

Narcissa’s throat tightened with emotion at those words, quickly nodding her understanding about how much this meant to her sister, and how much she loved her for allowing her to have this small bit of freedom. Her lips covered Bellatrix’s again then, allowing the other woman to switch their positions until it was her back up against the wall, and her sister’s lips left her mouth to fasten around her neck. Narcissa’s fingers tightened in the brunette’s robe, a fearful breath being exhaled as her heart began to pound in her throat, absolutely terrified that Rodolphus would choose then to reveal himself, and there would be no turning back even if she wanted to.

“Fuck,” she breathed, eyes falling closes momentarily from her sister’s assault on the base of her neck, the feeling causing her hairs to stand on end despite the contradiction of her own fear. “Bella…” Her hand went to the back of the brunette’s head, her fingers fisting in tight curls as an abrupt gush of wetness covered her knickers that her sister was desperately trying to reach. Still, regardless of allowing Bellatrix the freedom to express her love for her in her own home, there was a line that Narcissa couldn’t cross.

“Bella, we can’t—not here,” Narcissa begged her, needing Bellatrix to realize that she wasn’t comfortable having sex where anyone could see. “It’s… it’s one thing if he sees us kissing, but sex is—that’s still private, do you understand? It’d mortify me if he walked in on that; and that goes for my sex with anyone, not… not just you.” Because she didn’t want Bellatrix thinking she was embarrassed by it just because she was a woman, just because she was her _sister._ She in no way wanted people to bear witness to her and Lucius’ sex either; some things were still meant to stay private.

“Fine,” Bellatrix breathed against her lips, thankfully not taking offense to that as she tangled her sister’s hand in her own, leading her towards the stairs as she continued to kiss her feverously. Narcissa nearly tripped as she was lead backwards up the stairwell, but somehow managed to get to the top as she and her sister continued to kiss and grasp for one another. Narcissa’s back collided against the wall at the top of the stairs though, Bellatrix slipping her thigh between her legs as she momentarily trapped her there, breathing passionately against her lips, “I’m going to give you everything you’ve ever wanted for this, Cissy. I swear to you, I’ll make you feel so loved and adored that you’ll cry every day from the depth of it; from finally getting the kind of romance you’ve always wanted…”

Narcissa’s breath left her at that promise, an emotional smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she placed her palm against her sister’s face, silently thanking her for giving her something in return. Because this was terrifying; this made her want to pass out with how damn afraid she was that Rodolphus was going to know the truth of them at any second, but she knew her sister needed this; she knew Bellatrix _deserved_ this. She didn’t want her sister to live her life filled with lies and regret; it wasn’t fair to her. 

Bellatrix turned her head then, smiling against her sister’s palm before she grasped her hand in her own, placing an open-mouthed kiss against her wrist while her tongue teased Narcissa’s pulse point, feeling it throb and jump from the blonde’s nerves. “Don’t be afraid, love,” she breathed, knowing this was hard for Narcissa. “I’ll set fire to the whole bloody world before anyone ever thinks to destroy you for this. I’ll protect you, Narcissa; I swear on my life.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, worry shining in the back of her eyes despite nodding her understanding to her sister. She believed Bellatrix, but in the end, they both knew there was only so much she could do; Narcissa just hoped that it would be enough. 

“I’m just expecting him to come around the corner any moment and it’s making me a little…” But Narcissa trailed off, knowing Bellatrix knew how she was feeling anyway. She was anxious and paranoid and while she wanted to allot her sister this, it wasn’t coming easily to her.

“I don’t think he’s even here right now,” Bellatrix admitted, trying to give her sister a sense of comfort, at least in this moment. Because while that now wouldn’t stop them, it might be easier for Narcissa if she had time to process and accept the fact that at some point, their relationship will no longer be a secret within the Lestrange’s walls. “Probably off fucking that whore of his. Regardless, if he hadn’t left, he probably would have heard us by now; we’re not exactly being subtle. So just breathe, yeah? Doomsday isn’t here right this second.”

Narcissa felt like she could breathe a little easier after that, as perhaps Bellatrix was right; while their manor was large, sound did travel very easily throughout it, which was why they so often had to use muffliato when they were together. So she shot her sister a small smile and nodded, feeling a little better as Bellatrix smiled and tangled their fingers together, gently tugging her towards her bedroom. 

“Close your eyes,” she instructed softly, causing Narcissa’s brow to rise.

“Close my…?”

“Your eyes, Cissy. You trust me, don’t you?”

Well, that was debatable depending on the situation, but for the one they were in right now then yes, of course she did. So Narcissa did what she was instructed once they were inside the room, allowing her eyes to fall closed on her sister’s behest. Bellatrix moved away from her then, untangling her hands, and the room was silent for a while save a few small sounds that Narcissa couldn’t place.

Then the room was delved in darkness, something Narcissa could tell even behind her closed lids before it got just a tad bit lighter after a moment and Bellatrix instructed as she returned to her side, “Okay, you can open them now.”

Narcissa audibly gasped at the sight she was presented with.

The room was dark save the light coming from dozens upon dozens of candles that were scattered across every hard surface of the room; the vanity, the bureau, the bed side tables. It looked absolutely beautiful and Narcissa had to place her hands over her mouth as emotion welled up in her eyes, not ever having expected that her sister would do something like this for her. “Oh, Bella…” she breathed, her hands slowly falling from her face as her eyes took in the sight.

Bellatrix smirked, clearly pleased with herself for the reaction her gesture garnered. “Romantic enough for you?” she asked, lacing their fingers together once more as she led her sister over to the bed. Narcissa bit down softly on her bottom lip and nodded, allowing the brunette to lead her. “See, I’m not a complete git when it comes to this mushy shit you like.”

“I never thought you were,” Narcissa responded, which was, okay, a _bit_ of a lie, but still. She smirked then, pressing her body against the length of her sister’s as she rested her forehead against the brunette’s. “You’re sneaky,” she complimented, her voice a little teasing; she knew it was entirely due to her sister’s skill with nonverbal spells, but it was still deserving of praise because… “I didn’t expect this.”

“Yeah well, I figured saying ‘accio candles’ out loud would have ruined the dramatic suspense.”

Narcissa chuckled softly, a wide smile crossing over her face as she slid her arms around her sister’s waist, holding her close. “I enjoyed the dramatic suspense,” she breathed before she allowed her lips to dusk her sister’s cheek, the underside of her jaw, her neck. “And believe me, it won you _a lot_ of points…”

“Mmm…” Bellatrix murmured in approval, fingers tightening around her sister’s robes as she rolled her head back, allowing Narcissa more room to work. “And what exactly can I exchange these ‘points’ for…?”

Narcissa smirked against the skin of the other woman’s neck, gently biting down before allowing her tongue to run up the length of it, the heavy breathing that followed in her sister’s ear causing Bellatrix to noticeably shiver from the feeling of it. “What do you want…?” Narcissa breathed, keeping her tone low and sultry before she nipped at the brunette’s earlobe, gently tugging it with her teeth. “After this little display, my love, I’ll do _anything_ you want of me…” Narcissa enticed, despite knowing that she still had boundaries and that she probably shouldn’t be promising that. Regardless though, her words achieved the desired effect when Bellatrix practically growled.

“Top drawer,” she instructed, giving her sister a little push towards her desired destination. “Bring me what’s inside.”

Narcissa did what she was told and opened the designated drawer, only to have her brow rise as she withdrew a strap on, the harness dangling off a single finger. “And how long have we had _this?_ ” Narcissa asked, not really meaning to sound accusatory and yet it still kind of came out that way regardless. She wasn’t aware Bellatrix even owned any toys; they had never used any together, after all. Besides, these were the kinds of things of slags and prostitutes; no self-respecting woman would ever be seen owning one of these.

Then again, it wasn’t as though Bellatrix was the picture perfect example of properness and chastity either.

“Take a pill, Cissy; the answer to the question you’re _really_ asking is no, I haven’t used it with anyone else. Now come here.”

Narcissa narrowed her eyes a little, unsure if she should really believe her, but didn’t want to get into it either as she approached her sister with the object, holding it out in offering. “You bought this because of what happened with the ‘engorgio’ fiasco, didn’t you?” Narcissa responded, trying not to sound amused as she remembered that, but a tiny smirk peaked out regardless.

“That shit took _weeks_ to get back to normal, Cissy; you think I wanna risk that again? Honestly,” Bellatrix responded in a huff, taking the phallus from her sister’s outstretched hand. “Now,” she began, a smirk crossing her face. “Can you guess what we’re going to do with _this?_ ” The way she said it, it was like she didn’t believe Narcissa would ever guess the correct answer.

“Something fairly degrading, no doubt.”

Bellatrix always did have a hard on for things like that, and while Narcissa was willing to allot the woman most anything she wanted because this gesture of romance was rather unprecedented, it would have been nice to _continue_ to have sex in a romantic manner, and not just have another quick, dirty fuck that just happened to be in the middle of a room filled with candles.

Surprisingly though, Bellatrix smirk widened then as she answered, “Nope.”

Narcissa blinked. “…No?”

“You have such little faith in me, Cissy,” Bellatrix tsked as she tossed the phallus on the bed and reached for the other woman, pulling her towards her. Delicate fingers toyed with the clasp binding Narcissa’s robes together, undoing it before slowly pushing it off her shoulders. “Did you honestly think I would give you all these candles and shit just so I can bend you over and do you in the arse?” 

Bellatrix was _never_ doing her in the arse – at least not again, Narcissa silently resolved – as she should probably attempt to have a little more class than _that_ now that she’s older; but seeing as her sister didn’t seem to be pushing for something like that tonight, Narcissa refrained from saying that out loud. They didn’t need to get into a debate over it, after all. Not right now.

The fabric pooled at the other woman’s feet then, leaving Narcissa in only her undergarments as Bellatrix’s fingers began to map every inch of her curves. The blonde’s eyes fell closed momentarily, enjoying the intimate touch as Bellatrix’s lips dusked the underside of her jaw. “This isn’t about me, love,” she breathed, exhaling words that once would have been such a foreign concept to her. “Not tonight.”

Narcissa’s heart swelled at those words, her lips finding her sister’s as she captured them in a fierce kiss. She hadn’t expected this; even when Bellatrix tried to do something romantic for her in the past, it was always offset by something a little less so, which generally hindered their lovemaking and turned it into something a little more sexual than emotional. But this… God, Narcissa _ached_ for this; especially after allotting Bellatrix something that stood to give her a panic attack when it finally came to fruition.

Narcissa practically tore the clothing from her sister’s body as she allowed Bellatrix’s tongue to invade her mouth, moaning softly as the brunette’s fingers dug possessively into her hip, the grip hard enough to bruise. Even if they were to make love tonight, that didn’t mean that Bellatrix knew how to do anything _gently,_ as that had never been her forte. Narcissa didn’t mind though, and when Bellatrix bit down on her bottom lip as she kissed her, all it did was elicit a very deep moan in response as she pushed the last of the fabric off her sister’s shoulders.

Narcissa smirked at the sight of her sister’s undergarments though, her fingers gently snapping the strap of her bra. “Red,” she noted softly, the teasing word being breathed against the brunette’s lips as she encouraged Bellatrix onto the bed before straddling her. “And here I thought the only color you came in was black.”

“I’m branching out,” Bellatrix responded breathlessly as she reached around, impatiently snapping off the clasps of Narcissa’s pastel blue bra before she pushed it off of her shoulders, leaving it to fall to the floor, forgotten. Narcissa chuckled softly.

“From the color of death to the color of blood,” she responded, a little amused by her sister’s color scheme, because of _course_ if she wasn’t going to be wearing black, she’d pick something with just as deadly connotations. “I wouldn’t say you’ve branched out very far.”

“Oh, shut it. You look like a sodding Easter egg.”

Narcissa threw back her head and laughed at that, although mostly at the grumpy look on her sister’s face for being so easily read. But her laughter was cut short by a squeal as suddenly she was thrown off of Bellatrix’s lap, her back hitting the duvet as the other woman crawled over her. “You think that’s funny, do you?” Bellatrix lightly threatened, her gaze predatory as she trapped her sister beneath her form. Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip, although mostly to keep from giggling as she shook her head.

“No, of course not.” Reaching up, Narcissa’s palm cupped her sister’s cheek as she told her in a tone that sounded more condescending than genuine, “You know, you’re absolutely breathtaking, Bella… I don’t tell you that nearly as often as I should.”

Bellatrix snapped her teeth at her hand and Narcissa practically yelped as she quickly darted it away from her, laughing softly at the look on her sister’s face. She knew she was just being placated so the younger woman wouldn’t get into ‘trouble,’ but even still, Bellatrix’s irritation wasn’t entirely genuine. She was playing with her a little bit, and Narcissa loved that, because she couldn’t even remember the last time she just laughed and _enjoyed_ herself in bed like this. 

“You best watch yourself, Cissy; I’ll bite those fingers of yours right off.”

Narcissa’s eyebrow quirked. “I’m sure your cunt wouldn’t be pleased with that decision.”

Bellatrix smirked, amused by her sister’s counter; not just for the classless word she used, but for the truth in the statement. “Mm. _True,_ ” she conceded with a wicked grin, just before she leaned down and captured one of Narcissa’s nipples in her mouth. The blonde exhaled a soft groan, feeling her sister’s teeth scrape over the hardening nub as she grasped for the back of her sister’s head, tangling her fingers in Bellatrix’s unruly curls.

Narcissa’s back arched into her sister’s mouth as Bellatrix continued her assault on both of her nipples, switching between them both fairly often as her nails ran down the length of the blonde’s body, leaving red, angry-looking marks in their wake that caused Narcissa to gasp and plead as a fierce heat of anticipation and arousal began to make her body flush from head to toe. 

“Fuck,” she breathed, finally feeling her sister’s mouth begin to descend down her form. Her legs spread open in invitation as Bellatrix situated herself between them, and when the brunette took the entirety of Narcissa’s clit into her mouth _through_ the fabric of her knickers and sucked hard with absolutely no build up before hand, the younger woman slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle a praising exclamation of, “Jesus Christ…!” as she practically pushed her hips into Bellatrix’s face, begging for more contact.

The brunette chuckled softly, using a solitary finger to gently pull Narcissa’s knickers to the side. “You’re sexy when you’re desperate for a leg over, Cissy,” she teased, just before allowing her tongue to trace the young woman’s labia in a way that caused Narcissa to buck and careen and swear. It had been over far too quickly.

“Fuck, Bella, come on…”

Bellatrix just continued chuckling beneath her breath in response though, using the tips of her fingers to dust over the woman’s center just so she could watch her twitch. “Oh my God, _screw you,_ ” Narcissa exhaled in annoyance, knowing she sounded as desperate as she felt as her sister’s soft laughter exhaled across her clit, causing it to tighten in need. God, was she trying to kill her or something?

“Ask nicely and I might screw you.”

Instead, Narcissa narrowed her eyes and defiantly flipped her off.

Thankfully that amused Bellatrix though, and she continued to chuckle as she ripped Narcissa’s knickers clean from her body with one hard tug, causing the blonde beneath her to exhale a hard gasp as her fingers fisted in the bed sheets. “You’re lucky a part of me finds that little defiant streak inside of you sexy,” Bellatrix told her before she leaned in, not waiting for a response before she allowed her mouth to cover the entirety of her sister’s sex, her tongue sliding through the other woman’s folds as Narcissa panted and writhed beneath her ministrations. 

Well… she would certainly file _that_ little piece of information away for later.

For now though, all Narcissa could do was arch her back and slap her palm against the headboard of the bed, a whispered praised of, “ _Yes…_ oh my God…” falling from her lips as she felt her sister rapidly flick her tongue against her hardening clit. Bellatrix’s arms were wrapped entirely around her legs, keeping her spread and still as she practically attacked her like a starving dog presented with a feast, and all Narcissa could do was grasp onto her sister’s hair with one hand while the other fastened itself around her own breast, feeling a bit as though she were drowning as her breathing shallowed and she began to feel light headed.

Bellatrix always did have a way with her mouth that made Narcissa’s head spin, but it seemed she wasn’t set on finishing her off in that way tonight as after a while she ended up pulling away, her hand falling between their forms as she crawled up the blonde’s body and captured her lips in a kiss. Narcissa groaned at the taste of herself on her sister’s lips just as she felt two of Bellatrix’s slender fingers slide deep inside of her. “Fuck,” she panted against the brunette’s soft skin, her fingers fisting in tight curls as she held her sister to her. “Bella…”

Her fingers gently traced the contour of the other woman’s sharp features then, looking up at her like she was the only thing that mattered to her in this world. “I love you…” she breathed, before Bellatrix’s fingers corkscrewed inside of her, causing her head to fall back as a loud moan ripped its way past her lips, her eyes falling closed. Bellatrix grinned at the reactions she was causing, yet she stopped once more as she slid her fingers from her, holding them out in offering before Narcissa took them entirely into her mouth, cleaning her own arousal off of them.

Narcissa was panting, her body flushed and her nipples puckered as her body ached to fall over the edge that Bellatrix refused to bring her to at the moment. “Get the strap on,” she demanded breathlessly, knowing that was why her sister was stopping; she had only been trying to warm her up for it before, and now that she had, Narcissa was rather impatient for it. She hadn’t wanted to stop, even for a moment, but of course they got into it before Bellatrix could even put the thing on. They should have had better time management.

“Desperate for my cock, are you?” Bellatrix responded with a smirk, which just caused Narcissa to roll her eyes as she pushed her off of her with one hand, sitting up a bit to grab the harness before practically tossing it to her.

“Quickly, or I’ll be the one to put it on and do _you_ in the arse, you pompous slag.”

“Don’t threaten _me_ with a good time, Cissy,” Bellatrix responded with a chuckle, however did as she was instructed and quickly rid herself of her undergarments before strapping the thing around her hips. Narcissa practically grabbed for her then, trying to force the woman back on top of her, but Bellatrix just tsked, “Ah, ah, ah,” at her as she pinned Narcissa’s beneath her form, apparently not fond of being the one ordered around in this scenario. “ _Patience,_ Cissy; I hear it’s a virtue.”

“And what would you know of virtues?” Narcissa countered breathlessly, which only made Bellatrix laugh as she situated herself on the side of her, fingers grasping her sister’s hips as she forced her onto her right side.

“Not many things, admittedly, but I do know what it is that you _really_ want right now, so just shut up and let me give it to you, yeah?” Bellatrix nodded her head across the room then, towards the side Narcissa was facing and encouraged, “Look.” Narcissa’s head turned forwards, being confronted with her sister’s full length mirror that hung on the far wall.

“Oh…” she breathed, taking in the image of herself and her sister and the intimate position they were in as Bellatrix’s arm wrapped around her waist. It was both vain and incredibly arousing, to be able to watch themselves have sex with one another, and Narcissa’s face flushed as she watched her sister’s face break out in a knowing smirk, very much aware that she had read her right. 

“You’re so self-involved,” Bellatrix lightly teased with a snicker, which would have earned her an elbow to the ribs if not for the fact that she had encouraged one of Narcissa’s legs to be propped up, and now her fingers were running through her folds again. So instead Narcissa allowed herself to fall back into her sister, her neck lulling to the side as Bellatrix began to kiss and lick down the length of it, causing the blonde’s fingers to fist into the sheets as firm teeth bit down on the junction of her shoulder.

“It’s just… _oh,_ ” Narcissa moaned, feeling the length of her sister’s detachable shaft run teasingly across her sex, getting it slickened with arousal so that it would have an easier time sliding inside of her. “It’s erotic… don’t you think?”

“ _You’re_ what I find erotic, Narcissa,” Bellatrix breathed against her skin, a compliment that Narcissa wasn’t expecting and made her heart swell in her chest as butterflies invaded her stomach. Lithe fingers dug into her hips then as Bellatrix positioned the shaft at her entrance, before pushing into her much gentler than the blonde had been expecting. Her sister had always been rather rough when she took her, but this time it seemed she was trying to give Narcissa something else; an intimacy that their relationship had always lacked as it was constantly overshadowed by brute passion and the force of their own forbidden desires.

Their groans at the feeling matched each other’s in decibel, and as Bellatrix placed her lips against the back of her sister’s shoulder she breathed against her skin, “Fuck, Cissy… I bloody love how it feels to be inside of you…”

Narcissa’s breathing was laboring as her sister moved her hips at an agonizingly slow pace, sliding in and out of her in a way that caused her body to flush a deep crimson in wanton anticipation. Her brow furrowed though at Bellatrix’s words, asking breathlessly, “It’s… enchanted?” For some reason, she hadn’t fathomed that; but of course it probably would be, Bellatrix would have purchased it at a magical shop, after all.

“Of course it bloody is; what do you think I look like, a sodding muggle?”

“You should have… _oh—_ purchased one… the first time around then,” Narcissa struggled to get out as her sister’s shaft buried itself in her deeper with every thrust. She saw Bellatrix roll her eyes at her in the mirror though, not fond of being chastised for her bad decision making skills years ago even though, to be quite honest, it did make sense that Bellatrix wouldn’t have had one then; they weren’t supposed to be sleeping with one another anymore, at that point.

“Coulda, woulda, shoulda, Cissy. Fuck it.”

“Fuck _me,_ ” Narcissa breathed as her eyes connected with the brunette’s in the mirror, not wanting to annoy her sister by continuing to point out the obvious. Clearly, they had better things to do with their time at the moment. Her fingers wrapped around Bellatrix’s then, holding the woman’s hand firmly against her own hip as she used her body to rock against her sister’s movements, the feeling causing a fierce heat to begin to form in the pit of her abdomen. 

“Until the end of the world, love.”

Narcissa gently bit down on her lower lip at those words, emotion causing her chest to tighten and her breathing to shallow as she whimpered out another needy exhale of breath. Bellatrix had begun to pick up the pace of her thrusts but it was only just barely, and the slow build up was driving Narcissa mad in the most perfect of ways. She could do this forever.

Narcissa’s eyes were trained on the mirror across from them, watching the gentle flicker of light from the many candles in the room bounce off their pale skin, accentuating curves and highlighting imperfections. She didn’t like the way her body looked from this angle; her weight fell to one side in a way that didn’t at all seem attractive to her, but in that moment it didn’t even matter. She watched Bellatrix instead; Bellatrix, with her battle scars and growth stretch marks, and she was… more beautiful than Narcissa could have ever imagined. 

Narcissa had spent so much of her own childhood chasing perfection, and yet it was then when she looked at Bellatrix that she realized that it was so terribly unimportant in wake of the larger picture. She could look at her sister, with all of her imperfections and that ghastly tattoo on her left forearm and yet she was the most beautiful thing Narcissa had even known. And as Bellatrix’s eyes caught hers in the mirror and lips were pressed against her ear, the realization that it went both ways made her shudder beneath her sister’s form. “You’re perfect,” Bellatrix breathed, as though she had known what her sister had been thinking. “You’re beautiful…”

Narcissa nearly cried.

Because Bellatrix didn’t _do_ this; she didn’t make love to her in any proper, romantic fashion. She didn’t pay attention to Narcissa’s needs and then give her exactly what it was that she was craving. And yet now she was; now she was giving her an experience she had longed for ever since she was a child and it took her breath away as she felt herself smile in response, her fingers tightening in her sister’s hands as her eyes began to mist over with emotion.

“I love you, Bella…” the blonde breathed, the declaration being followed by a long moan as the intense feeling inside of her began to approach its precipice. Her sister kissed her then, placing her lips lovingly against the skin of her shoulder before she returned the sentiment in kind, gently untangling their fingers for a moment so she could wrap her forearm around Narcissa’s leg, hoisting it towards her body so she could have a better angle in which to penetrate her and… _God…_

“Fuck,” Narcissa groaned, feeling the tip of the shaft now hit her g spot with direct precision each and every time her sister had trust into her. “Bella… _fuck,_ oh my God…” Her now free hand went between her own legs then, desperate for that extra push as she pressed her fingers against her clit.

Bellatrix was breathing heavily behind her, her own grunts and moans being muffled by lips against Narcissa’s skin, and the blonde’s head begin to swim. And when she fell, it wasn’t like the violent wave her sister’s pleasure had always given her; instead it was softer, yet seemingly so much more intense as her insides clenched and her brain fogged and all Narcissa could do was shout her sister’s name as the rest of the world blurred to incoherency.

The feeling of Narcissa coming around the shaft pushed Bellatrix over the edge as well, and afterwards they both just kind of laid there, Bellatrix spooning her from behind as they struggled to find their breath. 

Eventually Bellatrix slid out of her, removing the harness before tossing it haphazardly across the room. It landed on the floor with a loud thud, and Narcissa smiled a little as she felt her sister practically collapse once more against her back. They didn’t really snuggle much, as most of their physical contact was generally just a gateway to either sex or violence and it was… it was nice. 

“You’ve outdone yourself this time,” Narcissa whispered, catching her sister’s gaze in the mirror as she felt her sister slide an arm around her waist. She wanted Bellatrix to know that this, _all_ of this… was appreciated. Narcissa couldn’t have asked for something more perfect.

“It was just sex, Cissy.”

Narcissa rolled her eyes; of course Bellatrix would downplay it. “No, it wasn’t,” she corrected, gently turning in her sister’s arms to face her. Bellatrix’s hair fell in ringlets around her face, her gaze connecting with Narcissa’s. “And you know it.” Her palm cupped her sister’s cheek then, her thumb gently dusking over the contour. “Thank you,” she breathed, needing Bellatrix to know how much this meant to her. “You are so much more than I deserve.”

Bellatrix shot her a look like she had to be stupid to think something like that. “I doubt that.” Because yes, their relationship hadn’t been perfect and yes, Bellatrix hadn’t always treated her well in the past, but that just… it didn’t _matter_ right then. Narcissa spent so much of her life being haunted by things that had already happened, and because of that it didn’t often allot her the enjoyment of her present. She was done with that now though; done with being tormented by the past, done with being worried about the future… as of right now, all she wanted to do was live in the moment. And right then, in that moment, she was _happy._

And Narcissa would have thought Bellatrix would live in the moment with her, as Bellatrix never did put much stock in reflection or forethought, and yet instead her brow creased as she looked down at the woman beneath her, and Narcissa’s stomach twisted in her gut because she knew that look, and she knew something was wrong. “What?” she asked softly, not understanding what caused her sister to have that kind of expression, especially after the moment that they had just shared together.

“You gave up the one thing you wanted more than anything else in this entire bloody world – for _me_ , of all the fucked up reasons – and I…” Bellatrix began, causing Narcissa’s stomach to sink heavily in her gut as she began to grow nauseous from the direction the conversation was going in. “I’m just pretty sure it’s the other way around, Narcissa; if you want to talk about which of us is deserving.”

Narcissa tried to force herself out of her sister’s grasp as her words choked up in her throat. “I don’t—I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“ _Cissy,_ ” Bellatrix stressed, grasping her sister’s forearm as she forced the blonde onto her back, pinning her there with force. She was done beating around the bush with this. “I’m not fucking stupid, alright? You can bullshit around it all you want, not want to talk about it because it’s your screwed up way of coping with it, but I know you traded your first born child for my sanity. You… you fell _apart_ when it happened to Gwen, and we both know that the Dark Lord showed up at her…” Bellatrix swallowed, still having a hard time accepting it, “at her _funeral_ , just to serve as a warning to you and whoever fucking else promised him the same damn thing, alright? I’m not _blind!_ ”

Narcissa felt as though the walls were collapsing in on top of her, and she was having trouble breathing. She didn’t want Bellatrix to know; she didn’t want her sister to realized the magnitude of her sacrifice, because she couldn’t bear to have Bellatrix tell her that it wasn’t worth it… that _she_ wasn’t worth it. She didn’t want to regret her choice even more than she already did, and she certainly didn’t want Bellatrix to feel guilt over it.

“We don’t have to talk about it, alright?” Bellatrix continued, and this time her voice was softer, much more sympathetic. Her eyes were alight with fire though, and her voice still held a passion that only love and devotion could bring. “But I’ll be _damned_ if I let you do something that’s gonna fucking shatter you; because we both know that you’ll never recover from that kind of trauma, Cissy, and I can’t bear to watch you go through something like that. It’ll bloody destroy you.”

Narcissa swallowed hard, a small bit of hope beginning to burn hot inside of her at her sister’s words. But she didn’t want to feel that, because she knew it was fruitless; Bellatrix couldn’t change her fate, and they both knew that. Why she was promising her something like this, Narcissa had no idea. Right then, all it felt was cruel.

“So I’ll figure something out,” Bellatrix promised softly, looking down at her. She looked so determined, so confident that she could find so way around this that it made Narcissa want to cry, because it would make it that much worse when nothing would come from her sister’s passion to save her. “For you… for you I’ll figure something out. So fucking come to me, yeah? When you need to conceive. That’s all I ask. _Promise me_.”

Narcissa still didn’t want to involve her; she didn’t want Bellatrix risking her life by trying to protect her just as much as she didn’t want to hand her child over to a man who would probably kill it. But she knew Bellatrix wouldn’t let the conversation go if she didn’t agree, and as just the mere mention of this made Narcissa feel as though she were being suffocated she finally nodded, silently agreeing to her sister’s bargain despite knowing that, when the time came, she would still make every effort to hide it.

Because she just couldn’t bear to put Bellatrix in that kind of position.

**TBC…**


	9. IX. Winter, 1975 – Summer, 1975

**CHAPTER IX  
Winter, 1975 – Summer, 1975**

“I could do this all night, Rodolphus.”

The man who lay bound and broken on the floor snarled at her, spitting blood onto the ceramic tiling, staining the pearl-white of it a darkened red as he snapped, “You _disgusting—_ ” But his words were cut off by another gut-wrenching scream, Bellatrix having looked rather bored by his insults as she pointed her wand at him, casting another Cruciatus Curse. Narcissa swallowed hard, forcing herself to look away as she wrapped her arms around her midsection. She didn’t want to bear witness to this, but she needed to be here; when Rodolphus ultimately broke – and he would, Bellatrix assured her – then she would have to be the one to perform the Unbreakable Vow between the two of them.

They had gotten away with it for a whole two weeks until Rodolphus finally walked in on something that condemned him to this fate. And while a part of Narcissa was glad for it, as finally the other shoe had dropped and she no longer had to live in a constant state of paranoia, another part of her hated that it had to come to this. But her sister needed the freedom to live how she was meant to, to not have to hide who she was and feel ashamed of it, and while it probably wasn’t enough, as she still would have to pretend this wasn’t who she was in the public’s eye, it was better than nothing. 

Bellatrix deserved to be true to herself, at the very least within the walls of her own home. Still, Narcissa wished that came without the price of Rodolphus’ pain; although she had never been fond of the man, she still didn’t take any pleasure in watching him being tortured. 

Rodolphus struggled to find his breath after his wife withdrew her wand, ceasing the torture momentarily. He laughed though; this maddening, hollow sound as he allowed his head to rest against the floor, his eyes finding the form of his sister-in-law who was leaning against the far wall, trying not to watch. “I knew she was molesting you,” he wheezed, making it sound so much worse than it was. “But you’ve always followed her around like some kind of sodding puppy, haven’t you? Do whatever she wants; whatever she asks of you. I bet she made you think you wanted it. Children are so _easy_ to manipulate after all; I’m sure that’s why most predators choose them…”

He laughed again, but the sound was cut off by another scream of pain as Bellatrix furiously slashed her wand in the air, splitting the skin on his chest open with a nonverbal spell. It wasn’t terribly deep, but it was certainly deep enough to bleed. “My sister is not a _predator!_ ” Narcissa shouted at the same time, deeply offended by that accusation.

“ _All_ homosexuals are predators,” Rodolphus coughed, anger and hatred in his eyes as he looked at the pair of sisters. “Don’t insult my intelligence by pretending that this is something _new,_ Narcissa; I’ve always been wary of the way you two looked at one another. She was touching you _far_ before you were old enough to properly consent to it, I’m sure of it.” Rodolphus looked at his wife then, whose eyes were blackening in anger the longer these implications went on, and finished cruelly, “I wonder… was it the fact that Narcissa was your sister that got you off, or the fact that she was _young?_ ”

Bellatrix’s eyes flashed as she shouted something unintelligible at him, her wand coming down once, twice, three times as blood spattered across the kitchen floor. “Bella!” Narcissa shouted, running to her sister’s side as she clasped her hand around her arm, trying to make her stop. “If you keep slicing him open like that you’re going to kill him!” Not that she particularly condoned any of the Unforgivable Curses, but the Cruciatus Curse would still keep him _alive_ at the very least.

“Then I kill him,” Bellatrix snarled, watching Rodolphus twitch in agony as his breathing labored and beads of sweat littered his forehead. “Either way, he holds his silence.” 

“You stupid… _bitch,_ ” he spat, chest rising and falling with fury. “You can’t kill me! The Dark Lord would _never_ allow—”

Bellatrix cut him off with a loud laugh, looking at him like he was insane for ever believing something like that. “You think the Dark Lord cares for your fate, Rodolphus?” she asked, sounding so terribly amused over his self-importance. “Do you honestly believe that, should you die here tonight, he would seek retribution against me for your worthless life?”

Bellatrix crossed the room and knelt down in front of him then, blatantly mocking him in his face. “You are _nothing,_ ” she hissed, a cruel smile crossing her face at those words. Her wand pressing into the dip of his cheek, she twisted it roughly against his skin as she continued, “You’re expendable; replaceable. But I… _I_ alone am favored. Do you really think that, should our Lord have to choose sides between us, that he would ever choose _you?_ Because you are _sadly_ disillusioned if you actually believe something like that, my dearest husband.”

Rodolphus ripped his face away from her wand, shooting daggers at her as he snapped, “And you think he’ll stand by _you_ , once he learns of your disgusting little secret? If you want to speak about disillusionment, Bellatrix; perhaps you should take a good look in the fucking mirror.”

“And who would tell Him?” Bellatrix goaded, knowing she had the upper hand here. “ _You?_ You and I both know the only way you’re leaving this house is in a body bag or bound by the Unbreakable Vow. Besides…” A slow smirk crossed over her face then, loving that she didn’t have anything to hide anymore as she revealed, “it’s so terribly irrelevant anyhow, considering the fact that _He already knows._ ”

That, at least, seemed to strike Rodolphus temporarily mute.

“Tsk, you silly, _silly_ little man…” Bellatrix chided her husband, poking his cheek over and over and over with the tip of her wand. “Did you honestly think that I would ever hide anything from Him? I’ve devoted my _life_ to the Dark Lord, Rodolphus; surely you didn’t think I would partake in anything without his expressed permission.”

It was a lie, as Bellatrix had hidden her relationship with her sister from him for so long, but apparently Rodolphus didn’t need to know that. Still, the information had the desired effect as Rodolphus looked positively horrified by the information. “He _condones_ this?” he asked, looking absolutely flabbergasted by the information and probably rightfully so, as it was something extremely unorthodox and incredibly shameful. 

“He values my loyalty, and strives to keep it by keeping me happy. _Narcissa_ makes me happy,” Bellatrix told him strongly, rising to her feet again as she circled him like a hawk hunting her prey. “And I her, so don’t ever insinuate that I took advantage of her; that I _molested_ her, because I would never abuse her in such a way.”

Another lie, as the first time they slept together Bellatrix had forced it on her, but Narcissa didn’t speak out against her sister’s words; in the end, it had been Bellatrix’s madness that drove her to do something that horrible, and she felt awful about it afterwards. Bellatrix had always wanted to protect her though, from herself most of all, and at the end of the day that was what mattered to Narcissa. And besides, the past was the past; now, they were no longer children and _now_ she was perfectly ‘capable’ of making her own damn decisions in life, and Bellatrix was what she wanted. 

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Narcissa interjected in a low tone, feeling the need to stand at her sister’s side. “But I pursued _her_ , not the other way around.” Because she had; it had been her that pushed for this, had always pushed for this, even when Bellatrix told her that their attachment to one another wasn’t healthy. And maybe it wasn’t, but it was something she needed; it was something she had always needed. “She never did anything to me that I didn’t want; she never had to. I welcomed it; I welcomed her love.”

“ _Love?_ ” Rodolphus spat, like the word was just as disgusting as they were. “That’s what you think this is? She’s fucked with more than that cunt of yours, I see.” 

Apparently, despite anything that Narcissa said, Rodolphus was still going to believe that she had been manipulated and brainwashed. Perhaps he couldn’t fathom anyone partaking in such an act willingly unless they were deranged in the head, as he believed his wife to be, or perhaps he just sought to further enrage them both; regardless, he succeeded on the latter, whether that was his purpose or not.

Bellatrix moved to strike again, but it was Narcissa who grasped her sister’s arm again and demanded, “ _Don’t,_ ” before she practically pushed her back, needing to do this herself, to be a _part_ of this, because she couldn’t bear all these accusations being thrown in her sister’s face, when she was as much to blame for their relationship. 

“How _dare_ you,” the blonde seethed, storming up to the man bound on the floor. “You think I don’t know why you’re so fucking bitter, Rodolphus? You think I don’t _know_ that even after you found out that you couldn’t conceive a child for the Dark Lord, you still tried to stick your dick in my sister at every given opportunity? You’re just emasculated by the thought that your own wife would rather fuck a blood relative than let someone like _you_ anywhere near her. You may hate her, but you and I both know you still desire her sexually; and why wouldn’t you? She’s beautiful.”

“But she’s _mine,_ ” Narcissa hissed, getting right up in his face, mimicking her sister’s cruelty as she taunted him. She knew she shouldn’t get off on this kind of power, but she was angry; hurt and infuriated by the things the man had said to her, and it awakened something dark inside of her. “She was mine long before you were in her life, and she’ll be mine _long_ after. Now, would you rather the second half of that sentence starts right now, or would you prefer to remain breathing? Because while I’m not overly fond of my sister’s murderous streak, I’m even _less_ fond of your disgusting accusations against the woman I love.”

“Don’t test me, Rodolphus,” Narcissa continued, her tone low and dangerous. She looked down at him, lording her superiority over him as she smugly informed him of just how much power she held in this situation. “Because you and I both know that the only thing standing between you and a horrific death right now is me.”

It wasn’t like her, to be this cruel; perhaps in the end, Bellatrix was rubbing off on her more than she should. Still, there were only two ways that this could end, and everyone in the room knew it; and Narcissa hoped, should she brutally remind him of that, then perhaps he would choose to come out of this alive. She may hate him, she may despise the things he said about her, about them both, but she didn’t want to see him dead. 

“You have five minutes,” she informed him, rising to her feet. Narcissa hoped the time constraint would put more pressure on him to make the less fatal decision. “After that, I leave this room, and I take my sister’s leash with me.”

“Your _leash,_ ” Rodolphus repeated, now trying to goad his wife, perhaps make her turn on Narcissa, for making her sound as though she was owned. “She views you like some kind of animal; a _pet._ Do you honestly allow her to run your life like this? Pathetic.”

“Mmm…” Bellatrix purred, coming up behind her sister and snaking her arms around the blonde’s slim waist, clearly much more interested in Narcissa than she was with anything Rodolphus had to say. “She can run whatever she bloody wants, so long as she keeps speaking like that.” She gently nibbled the base of the younger woman’s neck then, making Narcissa trap her bottom lip between her teeth before Bellatrix’s breathed, fingers sprawled out against her stomach as she pressed the blonde’s body suggestively against her own, “You do know how much your superiority complex makes me _wet,_ Cissy…”

“Jesus Christ,” Rodolphus swore, absolutely disgusted by his wife’s words and the position they were in. “You both are _fucked._ ”

But Narcissa didn’t care. He could have his opinion of them; it didn’t matter in the slightest, nor did it change anything. And perhaps it was horrible, to threaten death on a man whose only crime was knowing more than he should, but Narcissa knew this would be the way of things when she had agreed to this arrangement with her sister. In the end, freedom always came at a cost; it just so happened that Rodolphus would be the one to pay for Bellatrix’s.

“Four minutes,” Narcissa responded instead, her voice flat and emotionless before she felt her sister smile approvingly against her skin for her callousness. She needed to choose a side though, and she had chosen Bellatrix’s; no matter how much she might dislike senseless death, those were their options. She just hoped it wouldn’t come to that. “I suggest you start taking this seriously.”

It took until he was down to two until Rodolphus finally caved, allowing Narcissa to cast the Unbreakable Vow; in the end, his life was worth more to him than his pride. The terms of the Vow stated that he could not speak, imply, nor reveal in any way the true nature of their relationship to a third party, despite the fact that Bellatrix had wished for her husband to be Vowed to _complete_ silence on the matter, even to them. Narcissa didn’t believe that to be fair though, considering the fact that if he walked in on them again something could pop out of his mouth in surprise, causing him to accidently break his word and leaving him dead where he once stood. 

Bellatrix seemed to think that would be ‘the fun part’ about it, but Narcissa refused to be that cruel; in the end, if Rodolphus was to die for this, then it had to be because he purposely revealed the information to someone. It was the only way it would be justifiable. 

Part of her regretted that decision though, as Narcissa didn’t take kindly to being verbally assaulted by her brother-in-law on a fairly regular basis. He mostly did it when his wife wasn’t around however, as he knew Bellatrix was more likely to lash out at him physically than Narcissa was. Still, she tried to ignore it; eventually, Rodolphus would realize that no matter what he said to her that things weren’t going to change. She just wished that day would come sooner rather than later.

“How do you justify it?” he asked her one day while she was waiting in the foyer for her sister to finish getting dressed; they were to go shopping that day, after Narcissa begged Bellatrix to take her because she didn’t want to go alone. Cassandra’s wedding was in a few months’ time, and she needed to get her Maid of Honor dress fitted. “Betraying Lucius like this... the poor fool actually loves you, and this is how you repay him; by spreading your whore legs every chance you get?”

Narcissa locked her jaw and said nothing, choosing instead to straighten her spine and clasp her hands delicately in front of her, trying to keep her composure despite how deeply Rodolphus’ words cut her. She didn’t want to talk about how she was betraying Lucius; she was already quite aware of how terrible she was for it. Bellatrix was different though; she had always been different.

“You’re worse than she is,” Rodolphus continued, clearly trying to get a rise out of her. “Our marriage has always been a farce, but he doesn’t believe yours to be. How do you stomach it; lying to his face about how much you love him, when you and I both know that you prefer being an incestuous dyke behind his back?”

Narcissa wanted to round on him, slap him straight in the face and scream at him for ever daring to imply that her love for Lucius was a lie, but should she do that then she would get her sister’s attention, and they didn’t have time for her to punish him for being horrible. She had an appointment that she needed to get to, and so Narcissa just coaxed herself to take a deep breath before she responded coolly, “I’m not so simple that I can only love one person, Rodolphus. If you love so little that you can only manage to give the extent of it to a singular person, then I feel sorry for you.”

Rodolphus laughed bitterly. “That’s the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard.”

Narcissa finally turned on her heel to face him then, snapping, “Don’t pretend like you aren’t aware that every pureblood marriage is _riddled_ with affairs. I’m not betraying him if he’s doing the very same thing that I am when I’m not around, so don’t you dare try to make me feel guilty.”

It wasn’t a fact, as Lucius and she never spoke about such things anymore, but it was a likely suspicion. He had before, after all; and it was something that Narcissa had to learn to accept, especially since it would be immensely hypocritical if she did not, seeing as she was already going behind his back with Bellatrix. They were no more than children back then though, this conversation having taken place more than five years ago, and things could have changed since then. Narcissa knew that Lucius was emotionally devoted to her, but there was a part of her that, despite how much the thought of him sleeping with other women bothered her, hoped he wouldn’t be physically devoted to her as well. The thought made her feel so much less awful about what it was that _she_ was doing, after all.

Besides, ignorance was bliss, was it not? And she preferred to keep it that way, for both of their sanity’s.

“You think he’s unfaithful?” Rodolphus asked, and then _laughed_ like that was the funniest thing he’d heard in months. “You really do like to live in your own little world, don’t you? Does it make it easier for you, to feed yourself a constant diet of bullshit, or is that just your new way of starving yourself?”

That was low, that was _beyond_ low, but it wasn’t as though Narcissa hadn’t been expecting it. Rodolphus never liked her, but now he _despised_ her; he told her a few weeks ago that it was her fault that his marriage was ruined, despite the fact that they never had much of one to begin with. He and Bellatrix used to get along though, at least held a fair amount of loyalty to one another, but ever since Narcissa moved in when she was younger, that all changed. He blamed her, and probably rightfully so, seeing as the fact that she was fucking her sister ended up being the entire reason for the tension between them as Rodolphus tried to separate the two women for his wife’s ‘own good’, but still. It wasn’t as though she _sought_ to ruin his life. 

“And how would you know that he’s faithful to me?” Narcissa snapped, because he couldn’t possibly know that, could he? It wasn’t as though they were good friends or anything. They spoke often enough sure, but she doubted they were close enough that they would discuss the private matters of their relationships with one another. 

“Because the stupid sod _told_ me,” Rodolphus responded strongly, trying to get her to believe something that Narcissa hoped was a lie. “At our Christmas party two years back I mentioned ‘Madam Salisbury's House of Splendors’, and he said that he had never once visited a whore house. I asked why of course, because that sounded like such a ridiculous notion, but the fool said that he was _happy_ with you and no longer felt the need to search elsewhere for superficial pleasures. He was piss drunk when he said it of course, but alcohol is generally a decent truth serum, wouldn’t you agree?”

Narcissa felt like rocks had inhabited her esophagus. “You’re lying,” she accused, because she didn’t want to believe it; if it were true, then she really did have something to feel guilty for, and she couldn’t bear that. 

Bellatrix descended the stairs shortly after that though, so Narcissa didn’t have a chance to find out if Rodolphus was merely saying that just to make her feel awful for her own affair. Either scenario seemed plausible though, and that was what Narcissa hated about it, as she didn’t know what to believe anymore. In the end though, she forced herself to believe that Rodolphus was merely saying those things to be cruel, solely because he hated her and wished to make her suffer emotionally. It was the only conclusion that didn’t make her feel like a terrible human being. 

Regardless though, no matter how much she tried to convince herself that it wasn’t true, there was still a part of Narcissa that felt incredibly guilty; which, incidentally, manifested in a way that probably made her seem like she suddenly came down with acute nymphomania. She was fucking Lucius _everywhere,_ all the time, because it was the only way she could ‘apologize’ and make it up to him without actually having to say the words. 

She always did have a rather colorful array of dysfunctional coping mechanisms though.

Narcissa hated that she allowed Rodolphus to get to her like this, as she thought she had accepted and justified her infidelity, but perhaps she hadn’t done it as well as she thought she had, because her husband’s dick was buried inside of her more often than not lately. 

Her fingernails digging into the skin of the man’s pale chest, Narcissa’s legs locked around his hips as she tensed, her mouth opening in silent pleasure as she felt her orgasm wash over her. Grasping onto his wife’s hips, Lucius abandoned his task of servicing her and focused on himself, thrusting into her with such force that it practically caused Narcissa to be tossed around like a rag doll on top of him. “ _Fuck,_ ” he ground out as he came shortly afterwards, his breathing labored and chest heaving as Narcissa practically collapsed on top of him, burying her face in his neck.

“That was… unexpected,” Lucius breathed after he had caught his breath, his fingers fisting in his wife’s platinum hair as the woman lay delicately on top of him. And yes, perhaps it had been; not more than five minutes after he had walked through the door she had her tongue in his mouth, forcing him onto his back on the large couch before she mounted him like an animal in heat. “Although,” he continued, still fairly out of breath and smirking, “you have been rather insatiable as of late, so perhaps I _should_ have expected it.”

Narcissa’s cheeks burned a little in guilt, but thankfully Lucius could not see her face and so she tried to explain it with, “I just… feel as though we wasted so much time when I was angry with you; I don’t want to waste anymore.”

“Believe me, Narcissa; I’m not complaining,” Lucius responded, chuckling a little under his breath as his hand found his wife’s, loosely weaving their fingers together. Narcissa smiled softly, always glad for the little intimacies between them; in the end, they were just as important as the more predominant ones. It reminded her that she was loved, and not just desired. 

They laid there for a little while longer following that, just enjoying the feel of one another, before Narcissa finally raised her head to look down at him, mentioning, “Oh, I nearly forgot; Cassandra’s wedding is in a month, we need to get you something to wear. I won’t have you showing up in dress robes that have been seen in public before; people will no doubt start to question our wealth, and we can’t have that.”

Lucius shot her a disbelieving look. “That’s insane,” he noted and yes, perhaps it was, but it wasn’t like she made the rules; that was just the way of things, and she had heard the socialites rip people apart behind their backs for things like that more than once now.

“Regardless, we need to go shopping this weekend, so I suggest your clear your schedule.”

Lucius shot her a hesitant look at that, which immediately caused Narcissa to sit up straighter astride him. “What?” she asked, not enjoying the expression she was being presented with, as it indicated an issue. “What is that look for?”

“I… meant to mention this to you earlier, but unfortunately it’s looking as though I… um, will not be able to attend the wedding.” Lucius looked as though he was physically bracing himself for the backlash that would no doubt follow that statement, and he wasn’t wrong to expect one. 

“ _What?_ ” Narcissa practically shouted, not at all prepared for that kind of announcement. She practically slapped his chest as she righted herself into a seated position, looking down at him incredulously. “What the hell do you mean, you won’t be able to attend? You’re one of the ape’s _groomsmen!_ ”

“Goyle,” Lucius corrected, his eyes narrowing at one of the unfortunate nicknames his wife had given his friend. “He has an actual name, you know.” Which was a ridiculous thing to retaliate with really, considering he and his friends always addressed one another by their surnames only. Perhaps that was just a male thing though. 

“Sod his name; again I ask why the hell you’re telling me you won’t be able to attend. You can’t be _rude,_ Lucius; my God, what would people think?!”

Lucius looked a little exasperated at Narcissa’s concern about what _other_ people would think, but as he knew it was important to her, he didn’t get into it. “It isn’t as though I want to, but the Minister himself has invited the heads of each of the department to go to Romania that weekend as a sort of… cooperate retreat type of ordeal,” he explained, at least having the decency to sound regrettable. “It’s these types of things that can make or break a career, Narcissa; I can’t pass that up. You know my position in the Ministry is not just vital to our own lives, but to the Dark Lord’s cause as well.”

“Besides,” Lucius continued, trying to make it better despite the fact that the next sentence out of his mouth made it anything but. “I’ve already explained the situation to Goyle and he understands, so it isn’t as though I’m upsetting him, or giving him or his future wife cause to talk badly about us.”

Narcissa’s mouth dropped open. “You told Captain Forehead this before you even spoke to _me_ about it?!” How insulting; she was his _wife,_ for Christ’s sake. Correct her if she’s wrong, but that generally meant that she should be the first person Lucius ran things by, did it not?

“—Goyle.”

Narcissa’s hand connected hard with his chest in a wave of aggravation, causing the man beneath her to wince. “Ow! _That’s_ why I refrained from telling you, Narcissa; I knew you were going to be upset with me!”

“Of course I’m bloody upset with you! You should have _told_ me.”

“I’m telling you now!”

“Yes, and exactly _how_ long after the fact?” Narcissa countered, which caused Lucius to shoot her another guilty look. Narcissa huffed in frustration as she practically shoved him before that same hand rose up to tangle helplessly in her hair. “Damnit, Lucius; I can’t show up to the wedding _alone._ That’s so… I just _can’t,_ alright? I don’t like how it would look.”

“It won’t look like anything, Narcissa; just explain to people that I’m away on a business trip with the Minister. I’m sure you’ll enjoy bragging about that.” 

And he wasn’t wrong about that of course, but still. Narcissa had a bit of a codependency issue, and didn’t like going _anywhere_ alone; especially not to social gatherings. It was probably due to that one year that she was ostracized and bullied in school after Bellatrix had left, but regardless. The thought gave her anxiety.

Lucius seemed to see that in her expression though, and so he tried, “Why don’t you bring your sister then, if you don’t want to go alone?”

Narcissa exhaled a strained laugh at the suggestion. “Yeah, right.”

“Why not? I’m sure she’d go.”

“Because for one, she really does not like Cassie at all, and for two, you know she’ll be utterly embarrassing and insist on wearing something _black_ which would be… terrible,” Narcissa explained, already looking exasperated and humiliated just by the thought of it. “Like I might just die from mortification if she does that, but she just doesn’t… she doesn’t _care_ how the socialites view her, because she already believes she’s on top of the bloody world because the Dark Lord treats her like some kind of prized _pet_.” 

The last word was said with distain, but Lucius chose to ignore it, already knowing that his wife wasn’t fond of the man. “I’m sure if you asked Bellatrix to wear something different she’d oblige you,” he tried instead, even though they both knew it’d be like pulling teeth. “Regardless, it isn’t as though you have many other options available for accompaniment, so I suggest you ask her, at the very least. I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable by being forced to go alone.”

Narcissa sighed softly, but knew he was right, and appreciated that he was the one to suggest that she take her sister; he _was_ trying now, to accept the fact that Bellatrix was a large part of her life. So the next day she heeded his suggestion and paid a visit to Bellatrix, hoping that she would oblige her request. She needed her; certainly her sister would understand that, right?

“No.”

“Come on, please don’t be that way,” Narcissa begged softly, looking down at the woman she was straddling in the oversized armchair. She had hoped the suggestively intimate position would make her request more appealing, but apparently she was wrong about that. Bellatrix just looked at her like she had to be joking.

She had never been Cassandra’s biggest fan though; at one point, she was even convinced that Narcissa was cheating on her with the other woman.

Regardless, Narcissa wasn’t at all deterred by a singular rejection, as she had been expecting it; her sister wasn’t the most agreeable person, after all. And so instead, Narcissa sought to sexually manipulate her into getting her way, and placed her lips against the base of Bellatrix’s neck. “Please?” she breathed against her skin, lightly kissing the exposed area as her fingers gently played with the hem of the other woman’s shirt. “I’d consider it a favor…”

That, at least, gave Bellatrix pause; she always did enjoy it when Narcissa owed her something. Bellatrix was always about pay off though, so unless she felt like she was getting something out of this deal, she wasn’t going to oblige. Still, Narcissa had wanted to try to see if Bellatrix would agree to go with her out of the goodness of her heart before she had to resort to deal making; as expected though, the other woman declined to do anything she didn’t want to do without some kind of reward.

She was a bit like a spoiled child, in that way.

“—Which means you would owe me,” Bellatrix noted, sliding her arms around Narcissa’s trim waist as she held her to her. She suddenly sounded much more receptive, as expected.

“Mm,” Narcissa agreed in a murmur, dusking her lips along the curvature of the other woman’s jaw. “One request that I will oblige without question, those are my terms.” Taking the brunette’s lobe between her teeth, Narcissa gently tugged on it before she exhaled a long breath against her ear, enjoying the way it made her sister softly shudder beneath her. Smiling wickedly, knowing she was probably going to get her way, Narcissa allowed her voice to drop to an enticing decibel as she asked, “Do we have a deal?”

Bellatrix was silent for a moment, debating on her offer as she gently traced little circles on the small of her sister’s back. “One request, and I get to wear whatever I want to this ghastly wedding you’re insisting I suffer through,” she countered instead, causing Narcissa to noticeably hesitate. That was the last thing she wanted, but she also needed Bellatrix to be there. “Well?”

Narcissa exhaled a defeated breath. “ _Fine,_ but it needs to be a dress.” God knows what her sister would show up in if she didn’t make that distinction.

“Of course it’ll be a dress, Cissy; what do you think I am, an animal?”

No, but she did have some questionable fashion tastes, that was for sure.

“Mmm…” Bellatrix murmured, suddenly looking a little excited and she tangled their fingers together, bringing them up over her head to force Narcissa to gently rest against her chest. “You know what I’m going to make you do…?”

Narcissa was almost afraid to ask, but she quirked an eyebrow in question anyhow. She might as well be prepared for whatever it would be.

Smiling wickedly, Bellatrix gently nipped at the blonde’s bottom lip before breathing against them, “I’m finally going to make you let me take pictures of you…” And Narcissa, knowing _exactly_ what kind of pictures her sister meant, visibly froze. That was so, _so_ dangerous, and Bellatrix knew that; it was why Narcissa had refused her requests a few times before this.

But Bellatrix’s smirk only widened at the less than receptive response, looking a little amused as she questioned in a rather mocking tone, “How badly do you want me at that wedding, Cissy?”

“That’s not fair,” Narcissa responded, pushing off of her a little as she stared down at the woman beneath her incredulously. “You know how I feel about photographs, Bella; what if someone sees them?”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “No one is going to see them, Cissy; I promise you, I’ll put the best protection spells on them.” Taking Narcissa’s hands in her own once more, Bellatrix looked up at her imploringly as she attempted to sway her with, “Come on, don’t pretend that you wouldn’t like knowing that I get myself off to them; I know how much you like to be the center of my entire bloody world. Besides, I’m not even fucking whores anymore, at _your_ request, I might add; therefore I deserve some decent masturbation material.”

“You don’t need to masturbate, Bella!” Narcissa tried, finding the other woman’s excuse to be flimsy, considering the risks that taking actual physical proof of their affair would entail. “You know I’ll always come when you call.”

“What are you going to do? Roll out of the bed you share with your husband at two o’clock in the fucking morning just because I need your fingers in my cunt?” Bellatrix countered and, alright, although crudely put, she did have a point. She couldn’t exactly do that. Narcissa sighed heavily, looking at her rather hopelessly; she wanted to believe that her sister would make sure that no one ever laid eye on them but her, but she was paranoid.

“Nothing overly explicit, I promise,” Bellatrix tried to bargain because apparently, this wasn’t just about seeing if Narcissa would bend her own rules just to make her go to a wedding; her sister really, really wanted this. “I won’t make you insert anything anywhere.”

Narcissa shot her an exasperated look. She certainly wasn’t going to do _that_ anyway; if Bellatrix was going to make her do this, then they were at least going to be tasteful.

“Think about it,” Bellatrix breathed enticingly, apparently deciding on a different approach once Narcissa was decidedly silent. Sliding her hands up the blonde’s smooth thighs, Bellatrix slipped under the woman’s flowing skirt as she began to stroke dangerously near the apex of her legs. “You’d know for certain that I’d never fantasize about anyone other than you again, because you know how I am, and you know mere fantasies could never hold a _candle_ to an actual photograph…”

And, well, that was true; Bellatrix had always been a very visual person, after all. But still…

“And you’d know that every time I touch myself,” Bellatrix continued, apparently very set on this little desire of hers as she tried to seduce Narcissa into getting her way. The words she was saying were being whispered against gently parted lips while delicate fingers dusked the fabric of Narcissa’s knickers, and suddenly the blonde seemed to forget herself as she groaned softly in response, instinctively spreading her legs a little more for her. 

“Every time that I slide my fingers deep within myself…” Within seconds Narcissa’s undergarments were bypassed then, pushed to the side as Bellatrix’s middle finger became enveloped by hot flesh, causing the woman atop her to gasp in surprise as she gently rested her forehead against her sister’s. “Your image will be the only thing burned into my mind, your _name_ the only thing on my lips…”

Jesus, this was in no way fair; and it was absolutely, in no way, what they should be doing in the middle of the _parlor._

“Bella…” The name came out barely above a whisper, dripping in desire from the position they were now in.

Bellatrix smirked wickedly, believing she was winning. “Yes?” she asked, sounding as though she were humoring her.

Narcissa struggled to find her breath, which was harder than it seemed, considering her sister was purposefully teasing her g spot. “Where’s… Rodolphus?” 

Because she couldn’t bear it if he walked in on this; thankfully, the only thing he had ever bore witness too thus far was kissing, and that was enough. And even though Narcissa was still clothed and her sister’s hand very much hidden beneath her long skirt, if he were to walk in, there still wouldn’t be any question as to what they were doing.

Bellatrix looked perturbed by the change of subject. “Please don’t say that prat’s name when I’m inside of you, Cissy; it’s a terrible mood killer.”

“—I’m serious.”

“I don’t fucking know; it’s not like I make him wear a bell.”

Narcissa was about to protest, but another thrust against her g spot made the words choke up in her throat as Bellatrix pressed on, not one to be deterred from what she wanted, “Say yes.”

“Bella…”

Another finger slid inside of her then, a firm twist causing Narcissa to bite back a moan as her fingernails dug into her sister’s arm. “ _Say yes._ ” And Jesus, she couldn’t think. Bellatrix’s thumb was now on her clit, eliciting a wanton shudder to run down the blonde’s spine as her cheeks began to flush. There was a part of her of course, that demanded that she use sense and force Bellatrix’s hand away from the apex of her thighs, but another part of her needed her sister to keep touching her, because Bellatrix being inside of her was the only time she ever truly felt whole. 

“Yes,” Narcissa breathed, knowing she just needed to appease her if she even had a hope of thinking straight. In the end, they both knew Bellatrix was going to get what she wanted anyway; she _had_ agreed to do whatever she wanted, after all. Narcissa just hoped Bellatrix would keep her word, and be able to protect the pictures she took of her. The blonde’s lips began to part, small sounds of pleasure escaping the back of her throat as Bellatrix continued penetrating her, causing Narcissa to sound rather desperate now as she repeated, “ _Yes…_ ”

Bellatrix’s free hand tangled in the back of her head then, forcing her head towards her before she collided their lips in a passionate kiss. And Jesus, Narcissa knew she should stop this now, but Bellatrix was relentless in the pleasure she was giving her, causing her orgasm to build rather rapidly. “Fuck,” Narcissa panted against her lips, feeling herself give in as she rocked her hips against her hand, her fingers splaying out against the brunette’s cheek as her thumb dusked Bellatrix’s bottom lip. “Bella…”

Bellatrix grinned wickedly, enjoying how easily she could make Narcissa fall apart in her hands. But instead of indulging in it, as Narcissa expected, instead Bellatrix withdrew her fingers, causing the blonde to exhale a throaty sound of confused protest as suddenly the pleasure she was receiving ceased outright without any kind of actual warning. 

“We wouldn’t want him to walk in on anything he shouldn’t, now would we?” She was smirking, clearly amused by the state she had left her sister in.

Narcissa groaned, resting her forehead against her sister’s in defeat. “I _loathe_ you.” Because of course she would bloody get her all riled up, nearly make her forget her own rules of doing these things where Rodolphus could walk in, and then actually _listen_ to her. And while Narcissa appreciated it on some level, as she definitely didn’t want him to bear witness to the intimate moments between them, right then all she wanted was for Bellatrix to finish what she started.

The brunette chucked. “You love me.” Holding up her hand in offering, Bellatrix wiggled her fingers a little enticingly before Narcissa rolled her eyes, briefly bringing them into her mouth to clean off the arousal that covered them.

“Upstairs,” Narcissa demanded, refusing to be left in this state. “Now.”

Bellatrix laughed, bringing her fingers to her own mouth in turn to clean off the remnants of whatever Narcissa had left before obliging with a rather mocking sounding, “Yes, _dear._ ”

And God, she really was infuriating; but at the end of the day, Narcissa knew she wouldn’t have it any other way.

**TBC…**


	10. X. Summer, 1975

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve noticed an influx of reviews both here and FF.net last chapter, so thank you guys so much, I really appreciate it! This is the final chapter before we start delving into Narcissa’s baby drama, so enjoy the lack of crazy angst while you can, lol.

**CHAPTER X  
Summer, 1975**

“Oh… my _God._ ”

In all honesty, Narcissa didn’t know why she hadn’t expected this; of course when Bellatrix demanded that she be able to wear whatever it was that she wanted to Cassandra’s wedding, she would take the opportunity to do something like _this._ After all, she always did get a kick out of ruining everyone’s day, so why not do it on what was supposed to be the happiest day of someone else’s life?

But it wasn’t as though Bellatrix had decided to go in some ghastly thing that was soaked in a miserable black; which to be perfectly honest, was what Narcissa had been expecting. No, instead Bellatrix chose to go the complete _opposite_ route, and decided to look so breathtakingly sexy in her glamorous, yet rather risqué floor-length emerald gown that she easily was going to put everyone else, including the goddamned _bride_ to shame, which was… well, you just never looked better than the bride at her own wedding; it was beyond distasteful. 

Although, to be fair, Cassandra was rather gorgeous all on her own, and would no doubt look even better on her wedding day, so at best, Bellatrix was merely rivaling her, but still. Her dress, at any rate, would garner far too much attention; it had a dangerously low neck line, was open at the sides, and had a large slit up the thigh and, my God, Narcissa wanted to both kill and fuck her simultaneously. It was incredibly disorienting. 

Bellatrix smirked, enjoying the reaction she got from her little sister as she descended the stairs. “You approve then?”

Yes. _No._

“How are you—how can you just…?” Narcissa tried, but all that she really managed to do was fumble out half sentences as she practically undressed her sister with her eyes. Still, she had to remind herself that she was _irritated_ with Bellatrix for this, and exclaimed finally, “You’re such an _arse._ ”

“It does look rather nice in this, don’t you think?” Bellatrix asked, sounding terribly amused with herself as she pretended to hear Narcissa wrong and turned on the spot, showing Narcissa her backside. And… alright, it _did_ , but honestly, she was going to make everyone _stare!_

“Damnit, why do you have to do this?” Narcissa huffed, lightly pushing her sister’s arm in irritation. “You _must_ know that dress is much too slutty—”

Bellatrix’s mouth dropped open in faux-shock. “Hey, it’s tasteful—”

“ _Barely,_ ” Narcissa responded, sounding exasperated. “You know you’re treading a fine line, Bella; and more over, I know you’re doing it on _purpose._ Cassandra’s never done anything to you; why are you trying to take attention away from her?”

“Oh, calm down, Cissy; I didn’t do this to show her up, I’m just trying to keep myself entertained during what will no doubt be the most boring few hours of my life,” Bellatrix defended, sweeping her curls over her right shoulder as she grabbed her purse. Her hair was half done up on one side, this ornate clip sweeping the hair back from her face, and for once her curls didn’t look unruly and unmanaged. Really, it was rather stupid how beautiful she looked right then, and Narcissa couldn’t stop staring. 

She _hated_ her for that.

“Entertained _how?_ ” Narcissa ground out, because either Bellatrix was lying to her, or she no doubt was about to reveal another endgame that was bound to irritate her even more.

The brunette smirked then as she pressed the length of her body against her sister’s, causing Narcissa’s breath to practically leave her as Bellatrix purred in her ear, “You think I don’t know what this dress is doing to you? I can practically _smell_ how wet you are, Cissy…”

Narcissa lightly pushed her off of her, irritation crossing her features. “So what, you just plan to bloody _tease_ me all day? _That’s_ your grand plan here?” Because it seemed too simplistic for Bellatrix, didn’t it? She could tease her any day of the week should she only try hard enough, why was today special?

Bellatrix chuckled, not at all perturbed by her sister’s irritation with her. “We’ll be surrounded by people all day,” she reminded her, looking far too amused by this for Narcissa’s liking. “It’d be so incredibly risky, would it not, if we were to steal away somewhere for a quick one off? Someone could see, someone could _hear…_ ”

Narcissa clenched her jaw, beginning to understand her sister’s point.

And yet Bellatrix smiled wickedly, finishing with a slightly mocking sounding, “I wonder though… would that stop you?” She chuckled then, seeing the resentment in her sister’s eyes as she told her, “ _That’s_ my entertainment, Cissy; seeing how far I can push you until you ultimately snap. I’d consider it a victory if I can make you risk everything just to touch me. _So…_ care to find out?” 

Bellatrix held out her arm then, like she was going to escort her as a husband would, and Narcissa just shot her an irritated look before she rolled her eyes, pushed past her, and snapped, “I wouldn’t suggest holding your breath over it,” because _damn her._ Honestly, she was having second thoughts about posing for those pictures for her after this; she hadn’t wanted this to turn into some goddamn game to find out just how much they could get away with in public. 

Bellatrix just chuckled though, following the other woman out the door as she responded, “I never do, love.”

[x]

The wedding was beautiful, albeit hardly the social event of the summer; while some of the more dominant pureblood families came, it was only the ones who were directly related to the Burke or Goyle line. Narcissa wasn’t surprised though, as it wasn’t as though Cassandra or her ape of a husband were very well connected.

Well, perhaps that wasn’t entirely true; Goyle was connected to the same people that Bellatrix and Lucius were, but it wasn’t as though all of the Death Eaters were friendly with one another and regularly came to all of their member’s social events. So the wedding was rather small, which irritated Narcissa on some level because she felt as though she were wasting a perfect opportunity to assert herself into a better position of the social hierarchy; Lucius was away with the _Minister_ after all, which was something incredible to brag about and yet it felt wasteful as the people who needed to be impressed by such a thing weren’t even there.

Still, Narcissa did speak to whoever would listen about it during the reception as she seemed to feed off of other people’s envy of her. Bellatrix, however, had a heavy eye roll reserved for _that_ and after she was finished telling one of Cassandra’s older cousins about how quickly her husband’s career has been advancing, Bellatrix came up behind her and breathed in her ear, “You know, you sound like an insufferable prat whenever you brag about shit like that; I’m surprised people can stand being around you.”

“They can’t,” Narcissa responded coolly, keeping her spine straight as she stared straight ahead at the small throng of guests, not deeming her sister important enough in that moment to actually turn around to face her. “They hate me, but they envy me; _that’s_ what’s important, although I’m not surprised you wouldn’t know or understand that. You’ve always been so devastatingly incompetent in the rules of social politics.”

Bellatrix smirked, apparently amused by her attempts to insult her. Moving around the blonde’s body, she stood in front of her then, demanding her full attention as she mentioned, “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“Well, you’ve been rather embarrassing.”

Bellatrix quirked an eyebrow. “Because of the dress? Please, Cissy; you’re being dramatic,” she dismissed, because generally when Narcissa was irritated with her, it was _always_ down to her overreacting. Bellatrix had never been good at validating anyone else’s feelings outside of her own though. “People may have stared at first, but they’ve seemed to redirect their attention to your foul-mouthed little friend, which is what you wanted, was it not? For me not to take away from her on her wedding day?” 

Narcissa said nothing, instead choosing to stare past her sister as she watched Cassandra struggle to make small talk with her guests without her atrocious accent. Narcissa was surprised when she first heard her speak, as she thought the woman had completely dismissed all her attempts to help her in that area, but it seemed she was at least _trying_ to listen. It was obvious that it wasn’t coming naturally to her though, and Narcissa doubted it would last very long.

“I thought you wanted me here.”

“I _did,_ ” Narcissa hissed, making sure to keep her voice low as she finally looked at her sister; she actually seemed a bit put out by Narcissa practically ignoring her, and it actually took the blonde aback for a moment. Regardless though, she continued, “But first you show up in that dress, solely because you know it would both attract _and_ irritate me simultaneously and, on top of all of that, I just don’t… God, I just don’t _trust_ you right now, Bella. I’ve already watched you flaunt yourself all day trying to get my attention, and you’re being so…” But Narcissa couldn’t find the right word, and instead chose to exhale a small breath of frustration.

“You got your way when we’re in your home,” she told her instead, keeping her voice low so as not to be overheard. “But we can’t _do_ this in public, do you understand me? I’m terrified you’re going to make it too obvious that you’re flirting with me, and so yes, I’m absolutely regretting asking you to come along right now. This isn’t a _game,_ Bella; this is my life. Please don’t screw this up for me, I’m begging you.”

Bellatrix pursed her lips, irritation flashing behind her darkened eyes at her sister’s words. Narcissa sighed softly. “Please don’t be angry with me,” she tried, because the last thing she wanted was to get into a row with her sister. “I love you and I swear to you, I will absolutely appreciate you in and _out_ of that dress when we get home, but right now I just need you to be my sister in a more… I don’t know, _normal_ way. Can you please do that for me?” 

Bellatrix was silent for a long moment, still looking fairly aggravated with her; after all, she had never been a fan of being reprimanded for her actions. Surprisingly though, she didn’t lash out at her over it; instead she steeled her jaw, looking frustrated beyond belief, and forced herself to grind out one singular word. “— _Fine._ ”

Narcissa’s eyebrows nearly shot off her forehead.

“What? That was the answer you wanted, wasn’t it?” Bellatrix responded off of the look she was being given, instantly defensive. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“No, I— I mean,” Narcissa replied, stumbling a bit over her response due to her surprise, “of course that was what I wanted, but I didn’t expect you to be so… _agreeable_.” 

Bellatrix just looked exasperated at that though, causing Narcissa to narrow her eyes a little as she peered up at her. Was this part of her sister’s promise to be ‘better’ for her, because if so then Narcissa approved; after all, they could do with less arguments in their relationship, as it seemed the majority of their relationship either had them fighting or fucking. Or perhaps Bellatrix just realized that she had a point when she had brought up that she got her way in her own home, at great personal risk to Narcissa no less, and therefore figured it’d be only fair to stop pushing the boundaries of their relationship any further just because she was _bored_. 

Regardless of the reason though, Narcissa appreciated it. “…Thank you.”

“Yeah, fine.” 

The response was short, distracted, and sounded more like a ‘whatever’ than anything, but Bellatrix was only forthcoming about her emotions on a sporadic basis; outside of that, she was generally rather defensive and closed off, especially in public. Sometimes, Narcissa wondered if she was embarrassed by being ‘nice’ to her, as she was never that way with anyone else she interacted with. It must feel strange to her sometimes; to be one way with one person and the complete opposite to everyone else. On some level, it probably made her feel fake; although which persona she considered to be the ‘real’ her was anyone’s guess.

“Bella?” Narcissa asked softly, gently nudging her sister’s arm to get her attention. When Bellatrix looked down at her, Narcissa gave her a small smile and quietly told her, “I love you.”

That seemed to help, and the corners of Bellatrix’s mouth began to curve into a small smile as she noticeably relaxed. But of course the moment didn’t last as she responded, “Hard not to in this dress,” with a smirk, the statement shortly followed by an arrogant head flip caused her curls to cascade down her right shoulder. Narcissa rolled her eyes at the display.

“You’re insufferable.”

The smirk on her sister’s face grew. “A quality I pride myself on actually; especially since you seem to enjoy it so much.”

Narcissa was going to retort, but she noticed Cassandra approaching them now, looking a little overwhelmed with all the attention she had been given today. “My ‘ead— _head,_ ” Cassandra forced out rather awkwardly, before completely ruining her attempt at class by following it with and exasperated sounding, “Screw it. It’s bloody fuckin’ killin’ me, it is. Thinkin’ so much before you speak ain’t natural; sodding done with it. S’Rubbish anyway; I won’t ever be respected anyway, not like you.”

“Truer words,” Bellatrix muttered dryly, which caused Narcissa to shoot her a disapproving look before she turned back to her friend.

“I know it’s difficult, but you were doing really well,” Narcissa tried, even though Cassandra’s attempt wasn’t perfect in the slightest. She had to constantly stop and correct herself mid-sentence which was… awkward to listen to, but perhaps with a bit of practice she could get better at it. “Don’t give up; you’re still young, and you have all the time in the world to build a reputation for yourself.”

“Don’t get why it even matters,” Cassandra responded, hiking up her wedding dress in a huff so she didn’t trip all over the train. “Got myself a proper ‘usband now an’ everything, and ‘e loves me for who I am; only thing that counts, innit?”

_Proper_ was pushing it, but regardless. At least the man was pureblood.

“Narcissa doesn’t consider life to be worth anything unless throngs of people despise the very air you breathe,” Bellatrix responded, rolling her eyes at her sister’s priorities in life. “I wouldn’t concern yourself over it; especially considering I find it highly unlikely that anyone would ever hate you for anything that you have anyway. Even your choice in husband is subpar.”

“Bella!” Narcissa reprimanded, aghast. God, why did her sister have to pick on Cassandra so much? She had never done anything to her. While Bellatrix might be right on some level, as Cassandra’s marriage to Goyle instead of a much more respected pureblood didn’t exactly give her a running start, that didn’t mean she should just throw in the towel and give up! And it _certainly_ didn’t mean that she had to be reprimanded for her tastes in men on her _wedding day._

Cassandra however, to her credit, had never really found Bellatrix intimidating; although whether that was because she was brave or foolish, Narcissa didn’t know. Instead she just quirked an eyebrow and looked up at the brunette, calmly retorting with, “An’ yet you hate me ‘cause you’re jealous Cissa doesn’t pay you all the attention when I’m ‘round. Seems I’m doin’ alright then, if it’s hated I’m supposed to be.”

Oh, _shit…_

Bellatrix’s eyes flashed, and Narcissa didn’t even have a second to be impressed by the gall Cassandra had, or the very accurate read on her sister’s hatred for her, despite not having been around her much, because Narcissa was too busy grasping onto Bellatrix’s arm to suppress the woman’s instinct to jump straight to violence whenever she was grievously offended. And oh, implying she was _jealous_ of someone like Cassandra was _extremely_ offensive to her. 

“Bella, please,” Narcissa begged softly, looking up at her sister imploringly. “I beg of you not to embarrass me right now. We are guests at _Cassandra’s_ wedding; please act like it.”

“You honestly expect me to just _allow_ —”

“ _Yes,_ ” Narcissa hissed, pulling her sister to the side as she shot her a serious look. “You started it; you couldn’t honestly expect her not to defend herself and retaliate. _You_ were rude first, Bella, now leave it. I will not stand idly by and allow you to humiliate me by getting into a fight with the _bride_ right now, do you understand me? This ends now.”

Bellatrix hissed softly through her teeth as she pulled her arm from her sister’s grasp, looking at Narcissa like she was some kind of awful person because she was trying to keep things _civil._ “Do not speak to me like you own me,” she snapped back, thankfully at least keeping her voice low so as to not attract the attention of the other guests. “I am here as a favor to _you,_ lest you’ve forgotten; and if you’re not going to appreciate it, then there’s really no reason for me to stay, now is there?”

She turned to leave then, absolutely content on not giving Narcissa a chance to try to make her stay, but the blonde grasped onto her wrist anyhow and implored, “Bella…!” This was childish, but at the end of the day, she knew Bellatrix didn’t want to be here, and if she continued to be miserable about it, then honestly Narcissa would rather see her go; the reception probably wasn’t going to last that much longer anyway. Still, she wanted to make sure of something before she did. 

When Bellatrix looked back at her with one arched eyebrow, Narcissa tried, “I understand if you want to leave, but you’re still going to… come over tonight, right? Because Lucius is gone, and I…”

“Am physically unable to be alone due to your severe attachment issues?”

Narcissa narrowed her eyes; that was uncalled for. “Are you coming over or not?” All she wanted was to enjoy the small bit of freedom she now had while Lucius was away, because she’d rather have alone time with Bellatrix in her own home than have to deal with Rodolphus being a prick. 

Bellatrix shot her an exasperated look. “ _Obviously._ I’m sure you’ll cry or throw some kind of fit if I don’t, and honestly that’s the last ruddy thing I need today; you’ve already dragged me through enough bullshit for one afternoon.”

Narcissa sighed heavily. God, why did she even bother when her sister was in a mood?

“Fine, I’ll expect you round for dinner then,” Narcissa responded, pointedly ignoring her sister’s rude comment. “Please don’t be late; I’m having Dobby prepare quail and it gets tough if it sits for too long.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bellatrix dismissed with an irritated wave of her hand as she turned, content on not spending a moment longer at this wedding than she needed to. Narcissa exhaled a small breath as she watched her go, disappointed that Bellatrix wasn’t mature enough to keep her nasty comments to herself for one more bloody hour. The last thing she wanted was to be left alone, but Bellatrix was growing restless and honestly, it was probably best if she left; there would be far less drama that way.

Or, so she thought.

When Narcissa turned back to Cassandra however, she realized she wasn’t alone. Margret Rookwood stood next to her, leaning into the redhead’s side as she whispered something in her ear whilst staring at Narcissa. The blonde forced herself not to flush with anger and embarrassment; whatever Margret was saying to her, it certainly wasn’t good as Cassandra moved away from her with a scowl on her face and responded in an irritated tone, “ _So?_ S’not like it bloody matters.”

“It’s not like _what_ matters?” Narcissa responded, her voice ice cold as she stared down Margret, hoping to at least look somewhat intimidating. It didn’t seem to work.

“Oh, nothing,” Margret answered in an airy tone that indicated it was very much _something._ “I was just noting to Cassandra here how strange it was, that you’ve yet to rid yourself of that nasty bit of weight you put on after your holiday. You always used to be so _skinny,_ you know? It’s such a shame. Although, perhaps what they say is true; once you get old, your metabolism seems to slow to a crawl. It really is too bad that your genes seemed to get there a decade early but, you know, we’re all built differently…”

Margret’s voice was light and airy as she said every horrid word of that, as though she were merely making pleasant conversation and not purposely making Narcissa feel like she wanted to rip herself open and spill all her horrid fat on the floor. The look on her face must have revealed to Margret exactly how that made her feel though, because she smirked in victory, amused by Narcissa’s shame and self-disgust. Cassandra though, to her credit, just looked at Margret like she had to be touched in the head.

“Oi, are you _daft?_ ” Cassandra shot back. “She’s bleedin’ beautiful, she is! More so now that she’s got a bit ‘o weight on her. Piss off; Peter mighta invited your ‘usband but I never wanted you around. Bit like a nasty insect, you are; all tiny arms an’ beady little eyes. Like a dung beetle but worse.”

Margret, who looked _grievously_ offended by Cassandra’s words, just hung her mouth open in shock for a moment as she had to take a second to process the horrible things that had been said to her. Cassandra didn’t seem to give a lick about pissing off her guests though and didn’t look remorseful in the slightest, and finally Margret just exhaled this infuriated sound before she turned on her heel and stalked off towards her husband, no doubt to tell him how offended his friend’s new wife had made her.

“Thank you,” Narcissa said quietly, appreciative that Cassandra had stuck up for her, as Margret’s words seemed to have rendered her temporarily mute. How was it that she was nearly twenty years old and she was still getting bullied? It was awful; she wished she wasn’t so self-conscious about her weight, but it had only been a little over a year since she had been released from the hospital. These things took time. “But you shouldn’t have done that,” Narcissa continued, glancing over at her best friend. “You’ll be the next topic of nasty gossip now; Margret will make sure of that. It will stain your reputation.”

“Sod my reputation,” Cassandra responded with a shrug. “Know you want the best for me, Cissa, but I’m not like you. Probably best to just accept it now, innit? S’not gonna change.” Narcissa didn’t want that to be true, although mostly because it made her feel as though she _failed,_ but maybe Cassandra was right; maybe becoming a socialite wasn’t for everyone, even if they were pureblood.

“’Sides,” she continued, although this time kept her voice down as she continued, “After Peter’s group gets the recognition they deserve, things’ll be different, yeah? Be like bloody royalty, you an’ me, just from bein’ married to ‘em. You double though, for sure, cause of your mental sister and all. ‘Eard she’s a bit of a teacher’s pet.”

Narcissa tentatively glanced at Cassandra out of the corner of her eye as she delicately folded her arms across her chest. They had never spoken about this, the two of them; what their husbands, and her _sister,_ were so deep into. It just never seemed… appropriate. 

“You’re aware of how dangerous my sister is, and yet you still provoke her?” Narcissa responded softly, sounding very surprised. She assumed Cassandra knew what her husband, and possibly Lucius, was doing – the two men along with the fat one _were_ close, after all – but she hadn’t really expected her to know about Bellatrix. “That’s… either very brave of you, or incredibly foolish.”

“She won’t hurt me,” Cassandra responded, sounding very sure of that. “It’d make you mad, an’ I don’t think she wants that. ‘Sides, Peter’ll kill her if she touches me – or ‘least he’d try, brave as he is – an’ I’m pretty sure they’re not supposed to be killin’ their own, y’know? Startin’ inter-group wars or whatever else. Bit stupid; won’t get anything done that way.”

While Cassandra might have a point, as she doubted Voldemort would tolerate violence between his members, Bellatrix had always been different; she’d always been _special._ And the fact of the matter was, if she wasn’t concerned in the least with having to possibly kill Rodolphus, it’d be doubtful she’d bat an eyelash at Goyle _or_ his wife. In the end, she could probably get away with quite a lot, seeing as she was the Dark Lord’s favorite.

“Regardless,” Narcissa responded quietly, gently placing her hand on her friend’s forearm. “Please tread carefully. While my sister may not like upsetting me, that doesn’t mean that she won’t do so if she feels justified enough. She does not fear being reprimanded for her actions either, because she’s very skilled and therefore heavily favored. Please just… be careful, okay? I know she’s a bit shit when she’s jealous, but I’m sure it’ll fade eventually.”

To be honest, Narcissa doubted Bellatrix’s jealousy would _ever_ fade, but she didn’t want Cassandra mouthing off to her because she believed nothing would come of it. Bellatrix might do a lot, and _refrain_ from doing a lot for her, but Narcissa by no means had absolute control over her. And in the end, perhaps it was terrible, but honestly she did fear what Bellatrix would do to Cassandra, should she ever feel more threatened, or deeply insulted by her. 

Maybe regardless of how she feels or what Cassandra says to her, Bellatrix truly never _would_ do something about it as she was aware of how much it would deeply upset Narcissa. But in the end, there wasn’t a guarantee that even something like that would stop her, and that was what bothered the blonde the most.

She wanted to believe the best of her sister, but at the end of the day, the sad fact remained that Bellatrix… well, she wasn’t a very good person, now was she?

[x]

“Alright, strip.”

Narcissa’s brow rose as she turned towards her sister in question. She had only _just_ finished with her meal and stood up to wash her hands when Bellatrix’s order came. The woman was sitting across from her at the table, arms folded across her chest while slumped back in her seat in a rather classless manner, the telltale sign of a smirk beginning to tug at her lips as she looked at her younger sister expectantly. 

“ _Thank you for having me over for dinner, Narcissa_ ,” the blonde corrected her pointedly, annoyed with Bellatrix’s lack of manners. “ _It was lovely, Narcissa._ ”

Bellatrix snorted, looking at her like she was mad for even suggesting such things. “What? It’s not like you made the bloody thing; and you’ve got another thing fucking coming if you think I’m gonna thank your _elf._ ”

Narcissa sighed heavily. “I wasn’t expecting you to extend your gratitude to Dobby; I was merely pointing out that it’s polite to thank your host for dinner, is all.” Honestly, if she didn’t know any better, Narcissa would question how she was raised; but Bellatrix was brought up just the same as she was, and yet for some reason seemed resigned to have atrocious manners. Perhaps it was just her way of sticking it to their mother though. 

Bellatrix’s smirk widened and she placed her elbows on the dinner table, leaning forward as she practically undressed Narcissa with her eyes. “You know I have other ways of expressing my gratitude, love.” Narcissa shot her a decidedly unamused look at that.

“We are not fucking on the dinner table just because Lucius isn’t here. That’s terribly unsanitary.”

“Not what I meant,” Bellatrix responded as she slid her chair back to stand. “ _Although…_ not a bad idea for the future.” She smirked, like she expected Narcissa to actually one day _cave_ to that suggestion and, yeah, right; over her dead body. They _ate_ on that table, they didn’t need to… eat _each other_ on that table. How could Bellatrix not see how gross that was? Although Narcissa supposed it wasn’t like her sister to care about something like that; she never really was one for forethought.

“Right now though,” Bellatrix drawled, coming round the edge of the table in order to press the length of her body against her sister’s. One arm snaked around the blonde’s waist and Narcissa tried not to shudder when her sister pressed her lips to her ear and finished in a breathy voice, “I’m more focused on you fulfilling your promise to me.”

_Oh._

Narcissa’s cheeks flushed a light pink as she remembered what it was that Bellatrix wanted in return for going to the wedding with her. “You… want to do that now?” She didn’t really know why, but she had expected to do that in Bellatrix’s house; but perhaps it would be better to do it when they knew for sure no one would ever interrupt them. Even though Rodolphus now knew about the true nature of their relationship, the last thing Narcissa wanted was for him to walk in on anything, and that would always be a concern in Bellatrix’s home.

“Lucius won’t be home all weekend and besides, you look absolutely _delicious_ in that dress,” Bellatrix purred, fingers splaying out against Narcissa’s stomach as she gently kissed beneath the blonde’s ear. She smirked wickedly then and finished, “Also it’d amuse me if you were naked and on display in pursuit of _my_ dirty little fantasies on the bed you share with your prat of a husband.”

Narcissa rolled her eyes, exhaling a soft sigh as she reminded her, “It’s not a competition, Bella.”

“Of course not. Because if it was, then _I’d_ be winning,” Bellatrix responded arrogantly, chuckling a little to herself as she pulled away from her sister. “And that’s something you’re afraid to admit to yourself, because then you’d realize your marriage is a sham. Now come on, love; we have naughty photographs to take of you.” She held out her hand in offering then, causing Narcissa to exhale an exasperated breath before she ultimately took it; she didn’t want to get into this now, it just wasn’t worth it. 

Because while yes, Bellatrix was correct in assuming that she came first in Narcissa’s eyes, that didn’t mean her marriage was a sham. It was far more complicated than that. Narcissa suspected Bellatrix knew that as well, considering the blow out fight they had last year over loyalties, but perhaps this was just her sister’s way of forcing the importance she needed to feel in regards to the other woman; and seeing as the last thing Narcissa wanted to do was make her feel less so, she opted to keep her mouth shut. They were generally so much happier when they did that anyway.

After they got upstairs and Narcissa retrieved her camera for her sister, Bellatrix nodded towards the vanity and directed, “Over there. Stand in front of it and look in the mirror.” Narcissa’s brow knitted.

“You don’t want me on the bed?” Bellatrix _had_ specifically mentioned the bed, did she not?

Bellatrix shot her a look like she should know better. “Cissy, this is probably the only time you’re ever going to let me do something like this, and if you don’t think I have a specific vision for it then you’d be dead wrong. Now do as you’re told.”

Narcissa shot her an unamused look at basically being _ordered_ around, but in the end this was Bellatrix’s show; she was just the puppet in it. So Narcissa did as instructed and crossed the room to stand in front of her large vanity, looking at herself in the mirror. Despite the wedding being hours previous there still wasn’t a hair out of place and Narcissa breathed a sigh of relief; if she was going to do this, then she needed to look immaculate in the pictures. She wouldn’t be able to be okay with it any other way.

“Alright, now take the straps of your dress off your shoulders and kind of clutch the fabric to your chest like this,” Bellatrix told her, demonstrating as she fisted her hand in the fabric of her own clothing. Narcissa’s eyebrows rose, surprised by the request.

“I thought you wanted something… well, much more inappropriate than that.” Because that would be almost… it’d almost be _classy,_ and that did not seem like something that would interest her sister in the slightest, so why was she doing this?

“Are you going to question every little thing I ask you to do?” Bellatrix asked, sounding exasperated with her as she let go of her dress and looked at the blonde incredulously. “Seriously, Cissy, just fucking do it, alright? My reasons for wanting something like this are my own.”

Narcissa narrowed her eyes, not trusting the fact that Bellatrix refused to give her a proper reason, but eventually did as she was told and slipped the straps of the dress off of her shoulders, bunching the fabric between her breasts as she held it to her form. Looking at herself in the mirror, Narcissa bit down softly on her bottom lip to suppress a smile that was peeking out; she actually looked rather beautiful like this. 

The distinct click of the camera reminded Narcissa why she looked this way though, and when she looked over her shoulder at her sister, Bellatrix took another photograph. “You could model, you know; you’re prettier than all those hags in _Witch Weekly_ by far,” she said casually as she adjusted her position, the compliment making the blonde blush softly.

“Stop it; you know that’s not true.”

“Of course it is, don’t be stupid,” Bellatrix countered, scoffing as she dismissed her sister’s insecurities. She nodded her head towards her then and instructed, “Now drop the dress; just let it rest around your hips, yeah? And then kind of…” The woman came up behind her then, gently taking Narcissa’s wrist in her hand as she guided the blonde’s right arm across her chest, covering her breasts. “Yeah, like that. But look down a bit; I want those stray curls you’ve got hanging around your face to frame it.”

A strange feeling began to invade the pit of Narcissa’s stomach, and in that moment she honestly didn’t know why. She should be enjoying this, shouldn’t she? It was so much better than some classless pornography that she was expecting to be the star of. Perhaps the problem was though that she just didn’t understand why it was happening in the first place because it seemed so terribly unlike her sister, and so Narcissa looked over her shoulder at Bellatrix and asked softly, “…Why are you doing this?” She knew the other woman didn’t like when she asked questions, but she just had to know. Something about this felt off.

And at first Narcissa thought Bellatrix was going to shut down her curiosities again, but instead she just placed her hand on the small of her sister’s back, caught her reflection in the mirror, and breathed softly into her ear, “I desire far more of you than your cunt, you know. You are breathtaking, Narcissa; is it so wrong of me to want proof of that?”

“’Proof’?” Narcissa asked quietly, her brow knitting in confusion. It was an odd word to use, after all. Bellatrix clearly did not need to prove her view of Narcissa to herself as she already thought she was something desirable, so then who was the proof _for?_

And then she understood. 

“You’re doing this for me… aren’t you?” Narcissa breathed in realization as she turned in her sister’s arms to face her, not really knowing how to feel about that. Was this a gift, or something else entirely? “Why?”

Bellatrix pursed her lips, and whatever façade she was trying to portray to Narcissa finally cracked as concern shone behind her darkened eyes. It took a long moment, but finally Bellatrix exhaled a breath and admitted the driving force behind her actions. “You didn’t eat your dinner,” she told her, sounding so terribly gutted about something that she once used to willingly allow, just so Narcissa could make her own decisions in her life. The time of Bellatrix just standing idly by was over now though, so of course it would make sense that she wouldn’t ignore it if she saw the signs again. “I watched you; you just pushed it around on your plate… did that shit where you try to talk my sodding ear off just so I’ll be too distracted to notice the fact that you aren’t eating everything. I’m also pretty sure you hid some crap in your napkin.”

“What?” Narcissa asked, sounding genuinely surprised by that as she took a small step back from her. It sounded like such a foreign concept to her for some reason, but she also knew that Bellatrix wasn’t lying to her. She wouldn’t have cause to, after all. “I… I’m sorry,” she apologized, feeling incredibly embarrassed about her actions. “I didn’t mean to make you concerned for me; I didn’t even realize I was doing it. It wasn’t like I was trying to—”

“You were,” Bellatrix interrupted, not letting her make excuses. “You might do it subconsciously sometimes, but you do it for a fucking reason. You obviously feel like shit about yourself right now and I just… I don’t know, I wanted to _fix_ that before you spiraled back into that crap again. Because I can’t watch you kill yourself anymore, Cissy; I won’t. I fucking won’t do it.”

Narcissa swallowed the sudden lump in her throat, casting her gaze down on the floor. “What happened?” Bellatrix asked softly, after realizing Narcissa didn’t have much to say in response. Placing her hands on each of her sister’s arms, Bellatrix tried to garner her full attention as she pleaded, “Cissy, tell me.”

Narcissa just shook her head though, feeling foolish. “It’s not—I mean, it shouldn’t… It doesn’t matter; I’m just being ridiculous…” Childish, even; someone’s comments shouldn’t affect her in this way, not anymore. No one should ever have that much power over her, so why was she still allowing them to?

An unexpected and rather violent sob ripped its way out of Narcissa then, who quickly placed her hand over her lips as she exhaled, “I’m supposed to be _better;_ why am I not better, Bella…?” She felt like she was falling apart and it was so sudden that she wasn’t prepared for it in any way. All she could do was bury her face in her sister’s neck as Bellatrix wrapped her arms around her form, fisting her hand in her hair as she held the blonde to her.

“You _are,_ ” Bellatrix assured her passionately. “Cissy, just the fucking _fact_ that you can see that what you’re doing to yourself is wrong proves that. But there isn’t some magic fix for your head, love; if there was the Healers would have done that. It’s gotta… I don’t know, come from inside or whatever that rubbish is, you know? You gotta love yourself first.”

Narcissa sniffled, feeling another tear run down the contour of her cheek. “I hate this,” she breathed. “Sometimes… sometimes I feel okay, you know? I look at myself and I don’t think my weight is so bad, but then… but then someone _says_ something and I just…”

“ _Fuck_ other people, Narcissa; do you hear me?” Bellatrix responded, pulling away from her a little so she could catch her gaze. “What they think doesn’t sodding matter, and you _know_ they’re only saying that shit to hurt you, so why are you letting them? You’re stronger than that.”

Narcissa shook her head, feeling rather defeated. “I don’t think I am…” she whispered sadly, but her chin was roughly taken in her sister’s hand then, forcing her to look up at her.

“You _are,_ ” Bellatrix told her fiercely, refusing to accept any other answer. “Narcissa, you are so much _better_ than they are and you know that. Don’t ever let them make you fucking believe otherwise.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, looking up at her sister sadly. She wished she could believe her, but in that moment she didn’t feel as though she was better than anyone. Bellatrix sighed softly though, reaching out to wipe away another tear that fell down her sister’s cheek. “Sometimes I just wish that you could see yourself through my eyes, even if just for a second. You’d finally see then how fucking beautiful you are; no one even comes close to you, Cissy. That’s why I was trying to do that stupid shit with the pictures; I wanted you to… I don’t know, just _see_ yourself for once. Like really see yourself; the real you, and not whatever distorted image it is that you see when you look in the mirror.”

Narcissa sniffled, feeling herself smile softly at her sister’s words. Bellatrix might not believe herself to be the best lover in the world, but it was when she did things like this that she proved herself wrong. She had a chance to get her to do all sorts of naughty things for the little photography collection she was starting, and yet instead she chose to try to help Narcissa’s self-image. Bellatrix sacrificed her own reward just to try to make her sister feel better about herself, and that spoke _volumes_ to Narcissa.

Crossing the distance between them, Narcissa softly pressed her lips against her sister’s, allowing her eyes to fall closed. “You are more than I could have ever asked for,” she breathed when they parted, gently resting her forehead against Bellatrix’s. “Thank you. Thank you for trying. That means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

“I’m not done trying,” Bellatrix responded with a smirk when she was met with a slightly confused expression. She stepped away from her then, grabbing her camera once more as she encouraged, “Come on, we’ll never know if it makes a difference or not if we don’t finish. Besides, I do at least want _one_ shot of that cunt of yours; it’s only fair, after all.”

Narcissa rolled her eyes, but exhaled a small laugh regardless. Still, she tried to protest with, “I look awful,” because her makeup was surely running down her face now; her cheeks all splotchy and eyes bloodshot from crying.

“So then put on your face,” Bellatrix responded, not about to take no as an answer. “Cissy, you have no idea how much you look like a goddess to me right now,” she breathed, gently touching her face as she encouraged Narcissa to meet her gaze. “So let me show you.”

Narcissa felt like she could burst into tears again just from that one sentence, but managed to contain herself. Still, her heart swelled and a fierce heat ignited in her chest, and in that moment, she so desperately wanted to believe her sister’s words. She wanted to feel as beautiful as Bellatrix believed her to be; she wanted to _see_ what she saw, and not whatever screwed up image her tattered self-esteem had been projecting upon herself for all these years. 

So with a small nod she turned, momentarily leaving to freshen herself up in the bathroom. After all, she had nothing to lose should it not work, and _everything_ to gain if it actually did.

**TBC…**


	11. XI. Spring, 1976 – Winter, 1976

**CHAPTER XI  
Spring, 1976 – Winter, 1976**

While the photographs Bellatrix took of her did not solve all of Narcissa’s self-esteem issues, she would be lying if she said they didn’t help. Her sister gave her the ‘classier’ shots to keep for herself, leaving the more risqué ones for her own pleasure, as per their original agreement. And while Bellatrix had said that she loved and would’ve liked to keep all of them – as apparently she could ‘get herself off to _those_ all night as well’ – in the end it was more important to Bellatrix that Narcissa keep them, as she wanted the blonde to have something to look at every time she needed to be reminded of the fact that she was beautiful.

Keeping photographs like that in the house was risky however, considering if Lucius ever stumbled across them he would no doubt wonder who took them. Bellatrix taught her a charm that caused them to look like something else though, and although they were still safely hidden away, should Lucius ever happen to find them then all he would see would be a collection of some of Narcissa’s childhood photographs; specifically ones with Andromeda, so Narcissa would have a reason to want them out of sight. 

And no, it didn’t fix everything, but being able to see those photographs whenever she wanted _did_ remind Narcissa that she didn’t look as terrible as she sometimes believed she did, and that was enough. In all honesty, the photographs made her smile; not just because she looked good in them, but because they proved her sister’s care for her. That meant more to her than anything else did, honestly.

Bellatrix did still watch her eat for a while after that incident though, which Narcissa was embarrassed by though didn’t necessarily blame her for doing so. The scrutiny eventually ended however once Bellatrix deemed her not a threat to herself, and life went on. Lucius got yet _another_ promotion at the Ministry, which caused Narcissa to wonder if Voldemort even cared how suspicious it looked that he was advancing so quickly for someone so young. Lucius assured her that he was highly regarded at work though and that the Ministry is so large and ever-changing that people were constantly shuffled around all the time, but Narcissa was still concerned.

In the end though, she supposed that even if it did look strange, Voldemort probably _didn’t_ much care, seeing as he had now started to make his mark on society and no longer operated in secrecy. After traveling abroad and gaining the allegiances of both werewolves and giants, he returned to Britain with his new allies and officially declared his intentions to the public; namely his pursuit to overthrow the Ministry of Magic and persecute mudbloods. Some were horrified, _terrified,_ while others – mainly purebloods – eagerly supported him. Voldemort promised to purify the race and bring purebloods back to their former glory, which of course many were in favor of, as it would bring them as close to royalty as they could get. “Finally,” Narcissa would hear some of them say, “Purebloods will get the respect that we deserve.”

And while Narcissa agreed that Purebloods should be more highly regarded, she wasn’t supportive of the Dark Lord’s methods of obtaining that ‘respect,’ which looked more like fear than anything else. Regardless, Narcissa vocally supported the Dark Lord’s cause, as she knew she would be killed if she did not; besides, Lucius had asked her to use her status to gain more support from the pureblood socialites, as she was beginning to grow more respected and her word was starting to become highly regarded. So she did as requested, because frankly she was too frightened to oppose the Dark Lord’s wishes.

Thus far however, there had not been an all-out war, although Narcissa knew they were on the precipice of one. The Ministry seemed disinclined to just allow Voldemort to strip them of their authority, a stance that would no doubt get them all killed one day. At the moment though, Voldemort seemed want to gain a sizable amount of followers before he began murdering everyone who opposed him, as no doubt that would dissuade others from joining him. If they’re _already_ in support of him though and then he begins to show what he’s really capable of, most would be too afraid to withdraw their support of him; much like Narcissa. 

So for now, most of the murders that he either was directly or indirectly responsible for were purposely covered up, but as soon as he was ready to make his move, Narcissa was certain that would all change. Voldemort had already publicly revealed his army of not only Death Eaters, but the half-breeds he had recruited as well. As of right now though, they were merely there in a threatening capacity. Voldemort claiming that he didn’t want to have to resort to ‘extreme measures’ in order to put their race back on their rightful path. But the fact that he _had_ them at all indicated that should he need to then he would, and that was enough to scare others into supporting him while many found the fact that he claimed he didn’t want to resort to bloodshed admirable, and that should the Ministry refuse then they only had themselves to blame for a war.

The only thing that allowed Narcissa to sleep at night was the fact that Voldemort insisted that his followers wear masks, so as to not be identified by the Ministry. He believed if people knew who his closest allies were that it would put him at a disadvantage, and so instructed each and every one of them to not reveal their identities to anyone; which, in the end, was much like what they were doing already, but Narcissa had been afraid that since Voldemort ‘outed’ himself – so to speak – then her sister and Lucius would follow suit. She was terribly relieved that they did not, as it would put them at a far greater risk and already the danger that surrounded the both of them was more than Narcissa could bear. 

They still publicly supported him though, albeit as members of the general public. Most purebloods did however, so this wasn’t viewed as suspicious. So for now, with their identities hidden and the bloodbath not yet started, they were safe. It was of little comfort to be sure, as Narcissa knew that soon one if not both of those things would change, but as it was the only thing she had to hold onto at the moment, she held onto it with both hands.

Winter had been long and harsh that year, and it was mid-April before the last of the snow had finally melted off the ground. Narcissa stood at the window one Sunday morning as she absent-mindedly sipped on her cup of tea, just enjoying the color the world now had. Everything had been so dull and dreary for so long that Narcissa half wondered if she had forgotten what a beautiful day looked like. She smiled softly as she watched the sun begin to peak out again from behind a passing cloud, the expression growing when suddenly there were strong arms enveloping her from behind.

“Good morning,” Lucius greeted, kissing Narcissa on the cheek. The blonde placed one of her hands over Lucius’ that rested gently against her abdomen, and greeted him back in kind. She loved Sundays; they were the one day out of the week when Lucius didn’t have to work. Technically he was supposed to have Saturdays off as well, but he was generally called in for this that and another thing, or he was catching up on some work from home. Sundays though… Sundays were all theirs. 

Well, unless Bellatrix burst into their home unannounced with every intention of interrupting their private time. She did this regularly, but usually left once Narcissa started to get cross and eventually shouted at her to leave. After all, she and her sister had nearly every other day together when Lucius was at work; was it so terrible to allot her _one_ day with her husband? That was all she asked for.

“I’ve been thinking…” Lucius began, still holding Narcissa from behind as he rested his chin on her shoulder, gently stroking her stomach as he spoke. “We’re both in our twenties now, and work is going very well for me… how would you feel if I suggested that now might be the perfect time to start a family?”

Narcissa choked on her tea.

Lucius looked startled by her reaction as Narcissa choked on the contents of her cup, struggling to find her breath as her husband placed a concerned hand on her back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t… I mean, I thought you had _wanted—_ ” he tried, now looking rather confounded by the reaction his words elicited which made Narcissa wave her hand at him as she continued to cough, trying to assure him that it wasn’t his words that caused her to choke, even though it was entirely the reason why. She didn’t want him to think she didn’t want children, because she never wanted him to know the reason she was so fearful. 

Besides, she knew this would be a conversation that they would eventually have; Narcissa had just hoped that it would be a few more years in the future.

“It’s—not that I don’t want children,” she struggled to explain once she was able to breathe a little better. She placed her cup of tea on the windowsill, purposely avoiding eye contact as she lied to the man that she loved. “I was just… I was merely surprised, is all; I only _just_ turned twenty a few months ago, surely it would be more prudent to wait until we’re a little older.”

“Why?” Lucius asked, believing himself to be giving Narcissa the gift of peace of mind by assuring her that she could have what she always wanted right _now_ , and they wouldn’t be making the wrong decision. “As I said before, we’re of the proper age and we’re both doing very well in our individual pursuits. We also can easily afford both the time and money for an addition to our family, so I don’t see why we can’t at least begin to _try_ for a child, especially when I know it’s all you ever really wanted in life. Besides, I know you’ve been troubled lately because of recent events, and I think having a baby around might be a good distraction for you; help keep your mind off of all this unpleasantness.”

_Unpleasantness._ Narcissa supposed that was one way to put it.

Regardless, Lucius couldn’t just wave a baby in her face and hope that it made her forget that her husband and sister were currently putting themselves at great personal risk as they stood on the edge of a war. Her heart beginning to pound frantically beneath her ribcage, Narcissa pursed her lips and looked at her husband, hoping that her words would dissuade him from pushing the subject even further. “And what kind of environment is that for a baby to grow up in?” she countered softly, afraid that her voice would waver. “The Dark Lord… you know he will soon start a war. We shouldn’t raise a child around conflict and death, Lucius.”

“Perhaps, but death will only come to those who oppose him, not us,” Lucius tried to explain, as if that made it any better. He grasped both of her hands in his own then, catching her gaze as he continued, “Narcissa, I swear to you, both you _and_ our baby will be protected; the Dark Lord would make sure of it. It’s no secret that he supports the growth of the pureblood race; he would never allow any harm to come to our offspring. Besides, the war might take… a great many years to reach it’s end; we shouldn’t put our life on hold until it’s over.”

Narcissa was starting to grow anxious, realizing Lucius would not be swayed; she had hoped the threat of impending war would make him come to his senses, but apparently not. According to him, they had nothing to worry about; which might be true on the war front, but absolutely not true on the child one. Lucius seemed to think that Voldemort would protect their child, when the terrifying fact was that he was going to take it from them. 

“But… what if we’re not ready?” Narcissa tried, desperate for any type of excuse at this point. She felt ill, knowing full-well that she was losing this discussion. “What if we’re terrible parents? What if—”

“Hey,” Lucius tried, concern crossing his features at his wife’s slew of reasons not to do this. Delicately touching her face, he asked, “Are you alright? I would have thought you’d be pleased, yet you’re starting to look rather pale. Has… has something happened that’s made you change your mind about starting a family with me?”

“ _No,_ of course— of course not,” Narcissa struggled to get out, feeling as though she might actually pass out then and there. But she didn’t know what to do, and she was running out of excuses. In the end, she knew she had lost, and that terrified her. But she couldn’t—she couldn’t _tell_ Lucius what was wrong, and so she resolved to find another solution as she forced a smile and assured him, “I’m just a little nervous; it’s a big step, after all. But if you… if you really think that we’re ready, then…”

Lucius smiled big, and the sight of it broke Narcissa’s heart. He wrapped her in his arms before placing a loving kiss upon her lips. “Don’t worry,” he assured her as they parted, gently cupping his wife’s cheek. “You were born for this, Narcissa; I know you’ll make a wonderful mother.”

It took all of Narcissa’s strength not to vomit on the floor.

After that conversation Lucius made quick work of stopping Narcissa’s monthly order of birth control, insisting that they get started right away. The first time they had unprotected sex, Narcissa got sick in the master bathroom directly after it, terrified beyond all measure that she was pregnant; after all, the last time she had been, it had only taken that one time. She was scared that she might just be extremely fertile or something, but a pregnancy test a week later that was quickly followed by her period assured her that she was not, and that they just had a stroke of bad luck last time. 

Still, after the second time they had unprotected sex, Narcissa knew she couldn’t just keep relying on luck. Unfortunately, Lucius was the one in charge of all of their money, and regularly tracked their expenses in order to make sure that they not only would continue to stay well off, but that they would be able to leave a significant inheritance to their child. So going behind his back to get birth control was out of the question, considering he would question where their money was going. 

Narcissa did, however, have the option to _trade_ for potions. They had an entire room full of old heirlooms and other miscellaneous items that they didn’t much know nor care what do with, and so the day after she slept with Lucius unprotected for the second time, she took an item or two that she knew wouldn’t be missed, and made her way to Knockturn Alley. There, at least, people minded their own business, as everyone was participating in rather shady dealings; it greatly reduced the possibility of Lucius finding out that she was going behind his back, and that was a comfort she needed right now.

When Narcissa entered Borgin and Burkes one dreary Thursday morning, Mr. Borgin’s face lit up in recognition. “Ah, Mrs. Malfoy, how delighted I am that you stopped by!” he exclaimed, rushing to get himself back behind the counter, all business and fake smiles at the drop of a hat. “Now, how might I assist you? I have this _lovely_ collection of rare jewels that just arrived last Friday; I’m certain they would peak the interest of an esteemed lady such as yourself—”

“I’m looking to trade, actually,” Narcissa responded curtly, interrupting his little spiel. The last thing she cared about in this moment was looking pretty, and so the jewels in no way appealed to her. “And I have come for a very specific item.”

“Of course, of course,” Mr. Borgin hastily replied, bowing his head respectfully. “What is it that you are looking for?”

Narcissa pursed her lips, hesitating for a moment. “You must promise me that this transaction will be treated with the utmost discretion. Not even my husband must know that I came here.” A pause, then, “You will be compensated for your silence, of course.” Because Narcissa knew that nobody did anything for free.

The word ‘compensated’ was the one that lit up Mr. Borgin’s eyes, and he assured her, “Yes, yes, of course; I pride myself on my ability to be discreet, otherwise I am certain that I would have no business!” He chuckled at that, but Narcissa didn’t look amused. Noting the look on her face, Mr. Borgin quickly got to the point and promised her, “I assure you, Mrs. Malfoy, your secrets are safe with me.”

Narcissa gave a cut nod, grateful for his silence. “I am looking for a supply of _Subitis Atocium_. Do you think that is something you could get ahold of?” In the end, Narcissa had decided against birth control, as it would be much more expensive than emergency contraceptives. Besides, this way she could get much more product with each trade, and considering she wanted her business in Knockturn Alley to go unnoticed by her husband, she wanted to buy in bulk as often as she could so she didn’t have to frequent this place. 

Mr. Borgin’s brow rose, but to his credit he did not comment on the selection. “Of course, of course. Although might I recommend a knockoff version in its stead? After all, that particular potion is only bottled and sold at the Apothecary in Diagon Alley; buying it and reselling to you might end up costing you more, just so I could turn a fair profit. _However…_ ”

Mr. Borgin searched the shelves behind him before finding what he was looking for. Turning around and placing it on the counter in front of Narcissa, he told her, “This here is just as effective for two-thirds the cost. Completely safe, I assure you.”

Narcissa shot him a skeptical look. What was his angle, here? There was no way Mr. Borgin would willingly give her the cheaper option unless he would make more money in the end. Perhaps he had a commission deal with the witch or wizard who was brewing these knockoff potions; it was the only thing that made sense to her. Which, seeing as it wasn’t more money out of her _own_ pocket, made her seriously consider the offer. Taking the potion in her hands, Narcissa inspected it to find its label. It didn’t have one. And to be honest, that in no way eased her worries, but the cheaper option _would_ allow her to purchase more of them, and with the way Lucius wanted to go at it recently she was certain she would need a steady supply of these on hand.

“And the possible side effects?” Narcissa asked, glancing at the man on the other side of the counter as she placed the potion back down on the flat surface. 

“The usual,” Mr. Borgin replied casually, using his fingers to list of each symptom. “Nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, tiredness, dizziness, changes in vaginal bleeding, breast tenderness, death…”

Narcissa’s brow rose at that last one. “ _Death?_ ”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry,” Mr. Borgin assured her with a little chuckle, no doubt trying to put her at ease. “Even _Subitis Atocium_ has death as one of its warnings, but it’s a miniscule chance; less than a quarter of a percent. Our version is perfectly safe, not to worry…”

Narcissa pursed her lips, hesitant. In the end though, she figured that it (hopefully, anyway) wouldn’t hurt to try. Death was probably only a symptom in people who were allergic to one of the ingredients and as Narcissa had no allergies, she figured it wouldn’t be pertinent to worry about it. So she traded with Mr. Borgin and brought home a small supply of potions that ended up lasting her for a few months.

Despite having no success in conceiving though, Lucius was not deterred. He assured her that sometimes these things just took time, and that considering they had already conceived once before, he was certain they would do so again. It was so difficult though, lying to him. Narcissa had to constantly make up excuses for them _not_ to have sex, seeing as after every time she took one of those potions she bled for a day or two. If he knew she was getting a period a few times a month, then he would certainly know what she was doing. Worse than him though was Bellatrix, who Narcissa had to avoid as well; after all, her sister had never really been fond of the word ‘no’. She constantly had to tell her that she wasn’t in the mood or wasn’t feeling well, which wasn’t a lie at least; the potions gave her terrible abdominal cramps, but seeing as that was the worst of it, Narcissa sucked it up. They were cheaper, after all, and she was _desperate_ to not get pregnant.

And while Lucius might have believed her excuses, Bellatrix did not. They got into a huge fight right before the brunette’s birthday in October, Bellatrix believing that after months of near-constant rejection she just didn’t want to sleep with her anymore. It hurt her, Narcissa could see how deeply it cut her, because they were finally _good,_ weren’t they? They were doing so well, and they were so happy, and then suddenly Narcissa feared being touched by her and couldn’t tell her why. Of course that devastated Bellatrix, but because of who she was, she tried to mask her upset with anger. She accused her of all sorts of things like cheating on her and even falling out of love with her, and Narcissa cried, begging her to understand that it wasn’t like that at all, but to no avail. 

It had now been five weeks since Bellatrix last spoke to her.

Narcissa felt like she was spiraling, but she didn’t know what to do. Bellatrix had told her once to come to her when she needed to conceive, but Narcissa just… she _couldn’t._ She was so frightened that Bellatrix’s loyalty to the Dark Lord would override all else, and she would force Narcissa to stop taking the potions just so she could just get pregnant and get it over with. And maybe that wasn’t rational, as Bellatrix had mentioned that she knew how much giving up a child would destroy her, but Narcissa feared so much that she had changed her mind that she couldn’t bring herself to tell Bellatrix the truth. 

And so she just retreated into herself, hardly mentally even there anymore when Lucius fucked her as all she began to do was dread the pain she would be in after she took the potion come the next day. Unfortunately, when she woke up in the morning to do so, Narcissa had completely forgotten that she had run out; she had meant to restock once she had taken her last one, but then Lucius unexpectedly came home early from work and she had forgotten all about it. Cursing under her breath at her own stupidity, Narcissa hurried to get dressed and find something to trade before she grabbed her coat and left the house, apparating outside of Borgin and Burkes with a soft pop not a moment later. Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure of the time limit she had on taking this potion, but she was certain she didn’t want to wait more than twenty four hours, because there was no way she could bear to put herself through the trauma of another abortion. 

The door chime tinkled softly as Narcissa entered the shop, catching sight of Mr. Borgin behind the counter who immediately straightened up when he saw he had a new customer. “Ah, Mrs. Malfoy. Here for your regular order, I assume?” he asked, already turning to get the potions even before Narcissa gave him a curt nod in response. 

“You have a regular order?”

Narcissa nearly jumped out of her skin at the unexpected sound of her sister’s voice, whipping around as she saw Bellatrix come out from behind one of the large shelves near the back. God, what was she doing, _stalking_ her now? Although even as she thought it Narcissa knew that probably wasn’t likely, considering it seemed like Bellatrix was in here first. Christ, this was… this was the worst bloody coincidence in the history of ever, and Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure how to handle it.

“What are you doing here?” Narcissa demanded, hoping Bellatrix didn’t catch the nervous waver in her tone as she straightened her spine, trying to at least _appear_ confident and unfazed by her sister’s unexpected appearance.

“Christmas shopping,” Bellatrix responded dismissively as she trailed a singular finger across one of the shelves as she approached her. “But I think the better question here would be, what exactly are _you_ doing here? I wasn’t aware that you had a regular order of _anything._ ”

Narcissa ignored the second part of that, instead choosing to scoff and respond, “You don’t buy anyone anything for Christmas save me.” And she was angry with her; she wouldn’t still go out of her way to get her a gift, would she?

“I didn’t say it would be anything you would like.”

Okay, _that_ Narcissa could believe; of course her sister would buy her something awful when she was angry with her; it’d just be another way of saying ‘fuck you’. 

Mr. Borgin silently placed the potions on the counter in front of him, looking a little apprehensive about the antagonistic tone in Bellatrix’s voice as she approached them. He said nothing, clearly waiting for Narcissa to initiate the trade, but the blonde was still staring at her sister, practically rigid from head to toe. She didn’t know how she was going to get out of here with her order without Bellatrix finding out what was in her potions; it wasn’t like her sister to just _drop_ the subject, after all. 

“I knew you were hiding something from me, Cissy,” Bellatrix continued, her tone low and dangerous as she slowly advanced on her. “You’ve been acting strange for months, and at first I thought you had just taken on some kind of secret lover, but considering you’ve gone _awfully_ pale ever since you saw me in this shop, I’m beginning to believe it’s _those_ ,” Bellatrix jabbed her wand towards the order of potions, “that you’ve been so apt to hide. Now, I wonder, what is it that you’ve been taking that you’re so keen no one find out about?”

“Bella, please,” Narcissa tried, her voice soft and pleading. “Please just drop it; it’s nothing to do with you…”

Bellatrix just arched an eyebrow in her direction however, not breaking eye contact as she wordlessly caused one of the potions to explode. Mr. Borgin nearly shit his pants as he rushed to get away from the flying bits of glass from the vials, and Narcissa audibly gasped out loud. “Bella, no!” she begged, afraid her sister was going to destroy Mr. Borgin’s entire stock one by one.

“Tell me what’s in them.”

“It’s _private,_ Bella; please…”

Another potion exploded, and Narcissa rushed to grab one of the remaining ones off the counter before Bellatrix had a chance to destroy them all, popping off the cork and downing the entire contents in one gulp. She didn’t care that she hadn’t yet paid, as she was certain the only concern Mr. Borgin had at this point was not getting directly involved in this; Bellatrix was rather frightening when she was angry, especially when it was her _calm_ version of angry.

Bellatrix’s eyes flashed and she rushed towards her, but it was too late. By the time she ripped the vial out of her sister’s hand the contents had been emptied, and Bellatrix exhaled a sound of rage as she threw it against the wall, shattering the glass and making Mr. Borgin duck behind his counter. Fisting her hand in Narcissa’s robes, Bellatrix demanded once more, this time sounding _far_ from calm, “Tell me what the fuck you just took! Because if they’re weight loss potions, Cissy, so _fucking_ help me…”

“They’re not! Bella, please; we’re in _public!_ ” Narcissa begged, feeling so incredibly mortified that her sister chose to practically attack her with witnesses. This couldn’t have waited until they got back home?

“Then I suggest you start telling me the truth before I make this even more embarrassing for you.”

“They’re… they’re emergency contraceptives, Mrs. Lestrange,” Mr. Borgin practically stuttered, no doubt wanting this altercation to be over with as quickly as possible. Narcissa’s mouth dropped open, horrified that he had broken their agreement of discretion. She didn’t _care_ that her sister was more frightening than she was; they had a bloody accord, did they not? God, she wanted to cry, but she would never in such a public setting. 

Bellatrix’s jaw tightened as she stared at Narcissa for a long moment, causing the blonde to look away in shame; she knew her sister was infuriated that she didn’t tell her when she had specifically told her to come to her when this happened, but Bellatrix said nothing on the matter. Instead she let Narcissa go, taking a full step back before demanding, “Come with me. This isn’t the place to discuss this.”

That, at least, Narcissa could agree with. 

But after nodding her silent understanding she tried to turn towards the counter to at least purchase the rest of her potions, however did not get very far as Bellatrix snatched her forearm in a death grip. “No, you’re done with those.”

Narcissa’s face paled. This was what she was afraid of; Bellatrix forcing her to stop taking the potions so that she could appease her sister’s Lord. “Bella, please…” she begged, desperation on her face before she immediately shut her mouth at the dangerous look that crossed her sister’s face.

“Don’t make me tell you twice.”

And then they were gone, apparating away in a loud crack as Bellatrix brought her back home. They appeared on the front step, and Bellatrix practically shoved her as she demanded, “ _Inside._ ” Narcissa wanted to snap that Bellatrix had no business ordering her inside of her _own_ home, but honestly she didn’t dare speak. Bellatrix looked like she was two seconds away from lighting her entire manor on _fire_ in a fit of rage.

Once they were in the foyer and Bellatrix shut the door tightly behind them, Narcissa turned to try to explain, to beg, to plead, _anything,_ but she didn’t get the chance to. Bellatrix immediately backhanded her across the face so hard that Narcissa fell to the floor in a heap, tears welling up in her eyes as she looked up at her sister in shock. They had slapped one another in face before, sure, but it was never that _hard,_ nor had Bellatrix ever used the back of her hand to do it. Narcissa was certain her nose was beginning to bleed and she instinctively placed her hand beneath it as a tear slipped down her cheek, hardly able to believe Bellatrix just did that to her.

“Are you trying to get yourself _killed?!_ ” Bellatrix shrieked and, God, finally Narcissa realized that it wasn’t anger that was driving Bellatrix; it was fear. She looked absolutely fucking terrified and she lashed out at Narcissa because she didn’t know what else to do, and all the blonde could do was curl herself into a ball on the floor and try not to sob as a tiny bit of blood began to trickle out of her nose. “Don’t you fucking realize what would have happened to you if the Dark Lord had found out what you were doing?! How can you be this _stupid?!_ ”

Narcissa tried to speak, but Bellatrix wouldn’t let her. She practically collapsed next to her on the floor, continuing to furiously shove at her as her eyes began to glass over with an emotion she didn’t know how to handle. “I told you to come to me, you fucking idiot; _I told you to bloody come to me!”_ She kept hitting her, but it wasn’t hard; it was more desperate than anything else, and it broke Narcissa’s heart to see Bellatrix this way, because she hated being the cause of her sister’s distress.

“I’m sorry,” Narcissa sobbed, trying to grasp for her sister’s hands so they wouldn’t keep slapping against her. Holding them tightly in her own she begged Bellatrix to understand with, “I was… I was _scared;_ I didn’t—!”

“You didn’t fucking _trust_ me!” Bellatrix looked as though that thought cut her, but she continued, ripping her hands from her sister’s grasp, “I _promised_ you, Cissy; I sodding promised I would try to fix it, and yet instead of trusting me at my word, you let everything good between us get fucking ripped to shreds in order to keep a secret that you know should have never been hidden from me in the _first_ place!”

“Bella, I’m sorry,” Narcissa begged, needing her to understand that it wasn’t her intention for this to come between them. “I tried—I tried to tell you that the way I was acting wasn’t about us, but you—”

“You wouldn’t let me touch you, Cissy; what the fuck else was I supposed to think?!” Bellatrix shouted, and Narcissa fell silent immediately, because she knew how it looked. Bellatrix’s jaw clenched and she was silent for a long moment before she pushed out a hard breath of air and told her, “Just go—fucking put a tampon in before you end up bleeding all over yourself even more; cause that’s what that shit does, yeah? That’s what you were afraid of me noticing.”

Narcissa swallowed but nodded her head, confirming her sister’s suspicions. Bellatrix’s lips just pursed into a thin line though and she didn’t say anything more, so Narcissa picked herself up off the floor to do as instructed. She was certain she wasn’t bleeding _yet,_ as she had yet to experience the terrible cramps that went along with it, but it probably wouldn’t be long off now, and who knows how long this conversation with Bellatrix would last.

As she sat on the toilet in order to insert it inside of her, Bellatrix stood in the doorway and watched her do so with a rather faraway expression as she tried to make sense of what was happening right now. “You’re too young,” she said finally, softly; almost as though it was said to herself more than Narcissa. “I thought you’d have a few more years.”

“…So did I,” Narcissa responded, voice just as low, just as upset, as she threw the applicator in the trash and pulled her knickers back up. Another silent tear slipped down her cheek, and Narcissa wiped it away with the back of her hand as she averted her gaze. “But Lucius was… insistent. He was… he was so _excited,_ and I…” Narcissa breathed in distress, her voice breaking in her throat from how deeply that cut her. The rest of her words died in her throat. She was supposed to be excited with him; deciding to have children should have been the happiest moment in her life, not make her feel as though she wished she could give herself a hysterectomy. 

“Prick,” Bellatrix spat beneath her breath, despite knowing full-well that Lucius wasn’t even aware of what kind of trauma he was forcing on Narcissa. How could he? Narcissa could barely even admit it was happening to herself, let alone another person. After a decidedly long silence Bellatrix looked back up and asked, her voice sounding rather tense, “How long? Since Lucius has been trying.”

Narcissa rose from the toilet, straightening her skirt before muttering apologetically, “…Six months.” She turned towards the sink to wash her hands then, not wanting to face her sister after admitting she had lied to her for so long. Catching her own reflection in the mirror, Narcissa noticed the trickle of blood that had fallen from her nose, and the distinct beginnings of a bruise forming on her left cheek. She’d have to remember to fix that before Lucius got home.

“ _Six…?_ ” Bellatrix began furiously before she stopped herself, biting the inside of her cheek as she shook her head in disbelief. Watching her sister clean the blood from beneath her nose, Bellatrix demanded, “And how many of those things have you taken, exactly?”

Narcissa shrugged lifelessly, feeling rather broken and defeated now that her secret was out and her sister would no doubt force her to confront this head on. Narcissa knew she couldn’t carry on the way she was forever, but she didn’t feel ready to do this now. It was making her feel sick. “A few a month, at the very least.”

“ _Jesus,_ ” Bellatrix responded, looking at Narcissa like she had gone mad. “That shit is supposed to be for _emergencies,_ Cissy; not taken regularly! Who knows what the fuck it’s doing to your body; how could you have actually thought that this was an actual fucking _solution?_ ”

She didn’t think it was a solution. Not a permanent one, at any rate; but at the time, Narcissa didn’t know what else to do. It was the only thing she could think of.

As if on cue to prove Bellatrix’s point, all of a sudden a sharp pain ripped through her abdomen and Narcissa hunched over the sink, hissing out her pain between her teeth. Bellatrix immediately looked concerned. “What is it; what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it just—it gives me cramps, is all,” Narcissa tried to explain as she attempted to right herself, not wanting Bellatrix to worry. “It’s a normal side-effect.”

“What, like a regular period does?”

Narcissa shook her head, trying to breathe through the pain. “They’re brief, but more painful. It’ll pass, and then I’ll only bleed for a day or two. I’m just glad it doesn’t go on for a week like my normal cycle does.”

Bellatrix pursed her lips into a thin line. “You can’t keep fucking doing this, Cissy,” she said finally; firm, yet her tone held an apology because she knew that wasn’t what Narcissa wanted to hear. And she was right, she didn’t want to hear that; Narcissa’s chest compressed in fear and distress as she turned towards her sister, her expression pleading and desperate.

“What _else_ am I supposed to do, Bella?!” she practically shouted, more tears spilling down her cheeks as she openly wept. “What _else_ am I supposed to—Bella… Bella, what the fuck am I supposed to do?! Tell me, please—please tell me, because I can’t—God, I _can’t…!_ ”

She dissolved into hysterical sobs then and Bellatrix was quick to wrap her into her arms, trying to give comfort in a situation where none existed. “I don’t know,” Bellatrix responded softly, sounding so terribly gutted that she didn’t have a solution for her. Her fingers curling protectively in her hair, Bellatrix promised, “But I’ll figure it out, okay? I fucking swear to you, Cissy, I’ll figure it out.”

“ _How?_ ” Narcissa breathed through her tears, holding onto her sister like she was the only thing that could keep her upright in this moment. Perhaps she was. “I have to give him a child, Bella, I have to… and I don’t—I don’t know…”

Bellatrix was silent for a long moment, knowing she was right; there was no way that she could sway the Dark Lord’s decision to take from her. Narcissa was the one who bargained it away, after all. “You need to tell Lucius,” she told her finally, which of course caused the blonde to practically rip herself out of her arms.

“I _can’t!_ Bella, he’ll hate me, he’ll—!”

“You don’t have a fucking _choice,_ Narcissa, do you hear me?!” Bellatrix exclaimed, grasping onto the other woman’s robes. “However this turns out, Lucius _must_ know that he’s giving a child to the Dark Lord, do you understand me? If he doesn’t, the Dark Lord will question the legitimacy of your pregnancy, and that cannot happen.”

“ _Pregnancy?_ ” Narcissa repeated disbelievingly, feeling so incredibly nauseous that she had to actively work at keeping her bile down. “You promised you’d fix it, you said—!”

“I _will!_ ” Bellatrix interrupted strongly, needing her to realize that it wasn’t how it sounded. “But one way or another, you need to be pregnant, do you understand me? I can’t just pick some random child off the street and hand it to the Dark Lord when no one has seen you with a baby bump; He’ll know it’s not yours!”

“Then I can… then I can _fake_ it or something,” Narcissa tried desperately, trying not to actively think about someone else’s child losing their life because of _her_ actions. “Wear things that make me look progressively fatter, or—”

“And yet somehow still convince Lucius that you’re _not_ pregnant in the process?!” Bellatrix countered, which immediately shut Narcissa up. She was right; even if she faked a pregnancy, Lucius would believe it to be real, or would eventually find out it was not and then question why she was doing something like that in the first place. God, she wanted to vomit. She couldn’t tell him, she _couldn’t—_

“Look, just—give me a little bit, alright?” Bellatrix tried, pinching the bridge of her nose as she tried to find a solution to something that Narcissa feared didn’t have one. “I told you I’d figure it out, but I need time. Until that happens, _I’ll_ get emergency contraceptives for you, alright? Imperius someone to purchase the crap or something, so it doesn’t lead back to us.” 

While Narcissa wasn’t fond on her sister using Unforgivables on innocent people, at least it was for something that was minor, and something that was _desperately_ needed. So she nodded her consent, trying not to lose her breakfast all over the floor from how terrified she was. She didn’t know if Bellatrix could do it, if she could really find a solution that would save her from all of this, but Narcissa tried to have faith because honestly, at this point, she was entirely out of any other options.

**TBC…**


	12. XII. Winter 1977

**CHAPTER XII  
Winter 1977**

On January the second, the brutal war that would tear apart their country officially began.

The Ministry refused to back down to Voldemort’s demands and sent a group of Aurors to deliver a threat of their own; back down, or suffer the consequences. But they were moral; they were good and just and everything Voldemort was not, and so while they merely tried to arrest the Dark Lord and his followers for criminal anarchy, it was responded to with war and death and destruction. 

Voldemort released the giants on central London and while the Ministry scrambled to cover up the slew of Muggle deaths that followed that attack, Voldemort used the distraction to his advantaged and began slaughtering those who opposed him one by one. Higher ups in the Ministry mostly; those who weren’t tasked with dealing with the mess the giants had caused or weren’t useful enough to be Imperiused. Their numbers thinned and eventually the Aurors were forced to put the ones remaining into protective custody, prioritizing their government over the rest of the wizarding population.

People were dying left and right and the whole country dissolved into chaos as sides were chosen and allegiances declared. The only people that remained relatively unaffected were the purebloods who had sided with Voldemort, as they knew they did not have to fear being slaughtered in their own home. Still, the Ministry was preforming a slew of raids to try to weed out the identities of the Death Eaters in order to gain some kind of advantage, and the day they showed up at their manor in Wiltshire Narcissa could barely breathe she was so frightened. 

Lucius assured her that he had already disposed of any damning evidence however, and stood by her side as they tried to maintain an air of confidence and superiority, insisting that this was considered a grave insult to them both, as Lucius had always been loyal to the Ministry. In the end though, nothing was found that tied them to the Dark Lord, and Narcissa could breathe a little easier. Regardless, she knew that it wasn’t over; it was so very far from it. 

Miraculously, Bellatrix and Rodolphus came out of the raids unscathed as well. Narcissa feared her sister’s loyalty to the Dark Lord would cause her to not care about being publicly linked to him, although perhaps if Voldemort had not explicitly demanded they keep their identities hidden, then she would have proudly declared herself his servant. She was just that type of person.

Narcissa felt like she was falling apart, and the worst part of it all was that life went on as it always had.

Outside of her ornate windows the world burned to the ground around her, but save the singular raid on their home, Narcissa was not at all directly affected by what was going on. Lucius still came home from his job every day on time, due to him generally not being invited to whatever new slaughterhouse Voldemort was erecting that day as it was imperative he keep his hands relatively clean for the time being. And Bellatrix, who had _always_ been by Voldemort’s side whenever something major happened, continued to do so. Narcissa had always feared for her sister whenever she left to be with him, but her worry was so routine by now that it barely even registered to her anymore; it was just a regular part of her life.

Lucius was still insistent that they continue to try for children, assuring her that even though the war had started, that life must go on. Bellatrix, true to her word, had been getting her the potions she had requested, but Narcissa didn’t know how long she could keep this up. Her cramping was getting worse – far, _far_ worse – and she was beginning to fear that her sister was right; that if she kept this up, that she may end up causing permanent damage to herself. And while on one hand that was something a part of Narcissa wished for so perhaps she could never conceive, and therefore never have to go through something so traumatizing, another part of her was frightened beyond all measure that should Voldemort find out that she purposely rendered herself infertile, he would have her killed on sight. 

And then Bellatrix came up with a solution.

She didn’t tell her right away though, as Narcissa had shown up on her front porch looking like an absolute wreck that morning. It was fairly routine by this point, Narcissa dissolving into constant panic attacks due to how overwhelmed and suffocated she felt by everything that was happening in her life. The war made it worse and Bellatrix knew that, but she never tried to justify it to her. Instead, she helped her sister to ignore it; to pretend, for a few short hours that nothing else existed but them, as it was the only way to get Narcissa out of her head enough to deal with what was going on.

A silken blindfold was wrapped around her eyes and soft music was put on from the radio on the other side of the room, causing the rest of the world to disappear as Bellatrix sought to calm her in the only way she knew how. As someone who once had been extremely sensitive to outside stimulus, Bellatrix sought to eradicate it from Narcissa’s life in order to ground her, if only for this moment. She kissed her softly, disrobing her piece by piece until she placed a gentle hand on Narcissa’s bare breast, just over her heart, and gently coached her to breathe. 

The first time Bellatrix had done that to her, Narcissa actually collapsed on the floor in tears. 

She had just felt so _guilty_ from having caused Bellatrix such distress and heartache before. What made it even worse was that, as far as she knew, Bellatrix believed her to be cheating on her and yet did not seek to destroy whomever it was to take back what was rightfully hers. There had always been a part of Narcissa that had known, with her sister’s madness long gone now, that should she wish to walk away from their relationship that Bellatrix would let her; yet even still, a part of Narcissa still couldn’t believe it to be true because if this had happened five plus years ago, Bellatrix would have destroyed anyone that dared touch what was hers. 

Bellatrix had always been rather violently possessive of her, but things were different between them now. And yes, perhaps sometimes they were much too intense with one another in a way that was probably not entirely healthy, but Bellatrix had finally become everything that Narcissa wanted and then some, and she had almost lost her because of her own fear and mistrust.

Bellatrix hadn’t deserved to be shut out like that, and Narcissa had cried and begged her forgiveness until she was certain she truly had it, because she couldn’t bear to be the one who destroyed them. In a rather ironic twist of fate, especially considering their colorful history, Bellatrix was now the only one who kept her sane. Narcissa needed her. She needed her to live. She needed her to breathe.

And so she did. Coached through deep breaths by her sister, Narcissa allowed Bellatrix to take her away from a world that was overwhelming her into one of safety and simple pleasures. She kissed her softly for what felt like forever, across every inch of her body until she settled between her legs, bringing Narcissa to one of the most calming orgasms she had ever had. Outside of the few times they had made love, their sex was usually rather rough and violent, but this wasn’t even really about sex; it was merely about bringing her to a place where she could fully relax, and not have to worry about everything that was currently going on in the world around them. 

Bellatrix had been gentle, soft and caring as she took care of Narcissa in the only way she knew how, and when she had finished she laid next to her on her oversized bed, placing a protective hand over the base of her abdomen as she breathed softly, “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” That had never been in question, and the soft word was uttered automatically after the question was posed.

“Then I need you to continue to breathe deeply for me,” Bellatrix instructed her. “Okay? Just breathe, and remember that I’ll always be here to protect you.”

Narcissa’s brow creased as this was not a normal conversation that followed these moments together. Bellatrix had been trying to sate her panic attacks in this way for nearly a month now, and afterwards she was never instructed to continue breathing, as she had already calmed down. Bellatrix was clearly worried she’d freak out again by whatever it was that was about to follow this, and that in and of itself caused Narcissa to panic a little as her breathing began to shallow. 

“ _Narcissa,_ ” Bellatrix said strongly, noticing the uneven way her chest was rising and falling again. “Do as I say. I promise you, everything will be alright, but I need to tell you something.”

Narcissa swallowed, not liking what direction this was going in, but tried to do as her sister instructed. There was a long moment’s silence as Bellatrix watched her breathing regulate again, and when she finally believed Narcissa to be ready to hear what she had to say, she began in a soft voice that sounded so terribly apologetic, “…The Dark Lord is aware that you and Lucius are trying to get pregnant.”

And suddenly, with that one singular sentence, all of her sister’s work at calming her was abruptly undone. Panic struck her with such force that she immediately sat upright, ripping the blindfold off of her eyes as her next breath caught in the back of her throat. She practically choked on it, her eyes widening with fear as she tried to speak, but no words came out. She felt like she was suffocating.

“Shit,” Bellatrix swore, realizing that all of her efforts were wasted, as there was no way to keep Narcissa calm after telling her something like that. “Cissy— _Narcissa,_ ” she tried, placing her hands on her sister’s arms as she tried to get her to settle back down. “Listen to me; we knew this was going to happen eventually, alright? You still haven’t told Lucius the truth and the stupid sod can’t keep his _damn_ mouth shut about it and—shit, Cissy, just… just listen to me for a second, okay? I’ve found a way to fix it!”

Narcissa could barely comprehend that sentence, as it sounded as though she were merely trying to placate her, and already the blonde’s brain was trying to think of ways to run, to hide, to stay _alive._ “Bella…!” she begged, not knowing what else to say; it was like something inside of her had broken and all she could do was grasp for her sister desperately, trying to hold onto the only thing that made her feel safe. 

Frightened tears began to spill from her eyes, and Bellatrix wrapped her up in an embrace as she tried to hush her. “Cissy, _Cissy,_ listen to me; please, just fucking—just stop crying, I said I was going to fix this, didn’t I? And I will, but you need to— hey, _hey,_ ” Bellatrix tried, grasping the sides of Narcissa’s face as she coaxed her to catch her gaze. “Just look at me, yeah? Just me. Nothing else exists right now, do you hear me? It’s just you and me, love. Always.”

But it wasn’t that easy. Narcissa felt like she was falling, and pretending Bellatrix was the only one who existed in that moment wasn’t easy. Bellatrix was patient with her though, a quality she seemed to exercise only when it truly mattered. It really was insane, how much their roles had changed. Once, Narcissa had been the one taking care of her. Now it seemed it was Bellatrix’s turn, and honestly Narcissa didn’t know what she would do without her. Probably kill herself, to be honest. She had contemplated it quite a few times ever since she and Lucius began trying for children; it seemed like such an easy way out, but she had always been too weak to take it. 

It took a while, but finally Narcissa ran out of tears, too exhausted by her own emotional turmoil to continue spiraling. She was still breathing a little erratically, but Bellatrix just gently placed their foreheads together and shushed her, and eventually even that faded, leaving nothing but a broken shell in her sister’s arms.

“There’s a spell,” Bellatrix finally revealed to her as she continued to cradle her head rather protectively, needing Narcissa to know that she had options. She held eye contact, trying to get her sister to pay complete attention to what it was that she was saying. “A ritual, actually. Blood magic; highly illegal and probably extremely dangerous should I get it wrong but… there is a way. Are you listening to me?”

Narcissa nodded her head, her throat feeling too raw to speak. Yes, she was listening, but God, already she didn’t like this option. Bellatrix had offered to use Blood Magic once before for her, but Narcissa had refused. It was forbidden, not to mention incredibly dangerous. It was used in a time before magic was channeled through wands, and wands were made for a _reason._ And while Narcissa did believe her sister was skilled enough to do something like that, at least now that she was older and more experienced, it still left her with a grave feeling of unrest, as it was Dark. It was very, very Dark.

“It’s not ideal,” Bellatrix told her, knowing that there was one part of this that Narcissa would detest with everything that she had. “But I can make it so that you don’t have to give your child to the Dark Lord.” Narcissa’s brow creased in question, as she was still unsure what exactly Bellatrix was proposing here, until her sister took a deep breath and revealed, “Because you will be giving him mine.”

Narcissa blinked. “…What?” she breathed, still not entirely understanding what her sister was talking about. It didn’t make any sense. “Bella, you’re infertile, you can’t—”

“It’s not that I can’t have children, Cissy, it’s that my womb is just… I don’t know, fucking uninhabitable or whatever,” Bellatrix tried to explain, reminding her of the conversation they had many years ago when the subject of her infertility was brought up. “My eggs are still perfectly fine; it’s just that whenever sperm comes near my shit my body attacks it.”

Narcissa stared at her, trying to make sense of what she was saying. It still sounded so foreign to her; what was it that her sister was proposing exactly? She couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

And then it clicked.

“You…” Narcissa breathed, unable to process her thoughts on the matter yet as she voiced her assumption. “You want me to _surrogate_ for you and Rodolphus?” Because that’s what Bellatrix was saying, wasn’t it? That she still needed to be pregnant for appearances, but that it didn’t have to be with her _own_ child?

God, the thought still sickened her though. She didn’t want to be pregnant, with her child _or_ Bellatrix’s, just to give something so innocent and pure and beautiful over to the Dark Lord. Just the mere thought of it made her want to tear herself apart in a sickening rage.

“What? No,” Bellatrix responded, like that was a completely maddening concept. “I wouldn’t have that prick’s babies now even if you paid me and besides, we can’t involve him. It’s far too dangerous, and frankly I don’t trust him.”

In an instant, Narcissa was back to being confused; which at least stopped her from spiraling down the hole that the ‘pregnancy’ option had left her in. “Then what…?”

“Cissy, if I just wanted you to surrogate for me then why the hell wouldn’t I just use regular magic to do it?” Bellatrix countered and, alright, she did have a point; Blood Magic seemed a little extreme for something as simple as surrogacy. Well, not that it was _simple_ per say; there was a reason Healers were generally the only ones who performed that kind of magic, but should Bellatrix put her mind to it, Narcissa was sure she could have learned. She was an immensely talented witch, after all; she just unfortunately chose to use her talents for something Dark. 

“Then what are you suggesting?” Narcissa asked, just trying to make sense of all of this. She wished Bellatrix would just speak plainly.

Bellatrix caught her gaze then, holding eye contact as she gently took Narcissa’s hands into her own and told her, “Cissy, I want you to have _my_ child. Just mine. Like… a sort of clone, for lack of a better term. That ritual, it can—”

“No,” Narcissa interrupted, shaking her head as she stared at her sister in disbelief. “No, that’s not _possible,_ Bella. Everyone knows you need two people to make a child; even with our advances in magic, we’ve still never perfected cloning. You must have read the spell wrong!” 

But before Bellatrix could answer, Narcissa continued strongly, beginning to grow upset as her voice hitched in the back of her throat, “And even if you _hadn’t,_ you honestly expect me to be okay with… with birthing _your_ baby, or whatever miniature kind of _version_ of you that you claim this child would be, just to give it to the Dark Lord? Are you completely incompetent when it comes to my feelings for you, because I can’t _do_ that, Bella! I can’t give up a part of you; it’s like giving up a part of myself!”

“It’s me or you, Cissy; take your pick!” Bellatrix responded strongly, needing Narcissa to realize that she was out of options. “Don’t you get that? You can either give up _my_ child, which I would have willingly given to the Dark Lord anyway should I have been able to birth the thing myself, or you can give up _yours._ Which one sounds like the better option to you?!”

Narcissa shook her head defiantly as she placed a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle herself from openly weeping at the thought of it. But the tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes regardless and Narcissa struggled to inhale a shaky breath, her hand beginning to tremble as she looked at her sister helplessly. But Bellatrix wasn’t backing down; these were her options. These were her _only_ options.

“Blood Magic is _old_ , Cissy,” Bellatrix reminded her. “Back before our kind adapted to Christianity just because we feared how influential it was becoming.”

“So?” Narcissa asked, voice rather broken as she failed to see her sister’s point. She already knew the history of why their kind turned from the old Gods; Christianity was getting too predominant, too powerful, and unless they inserted their kind into the Church in order to control it, their ancestors feared the Muggles would rise up and eliminate them. Despite being more powerful, in the end they were greatly outnumbered; for every witch or wizard, there were near a hundred Muggles. That was just the way it had always been. Their kind had adapted to survive, to blend in and not be noticed should anyone see them worshipping the Gods that were not considered to be, at the time, part of the only _true_ religion.

But what did that have to do with this?

“So the whole ‘one man, one woman’ bullshit originated _there,_ ” Bellatrix responded, trying to get her to see her point. “But before Christianity and all the other monotheistic religions that resemble it, homosexuality wasn’t condemned. In ancient times, it was practically considered _normal_. So how did you think same-sex couples had babies back then?”

Narcissa blinked. While she was aware that there was a time, long ago, when homosexuality wasn’t looked upon as something dirty and shameful, she had never thought of that, because honestly she didn’t think same-sex couples back then _did_ have children. She hadn’t fathomed that they were able to.

Perhaps she was wrong though.

“But this isn’t… this isn’t _me_ and you making a baby, Bella,” Narcissa reminded her, because wasn’t the entire point of this so that this child wouldn’t be technically hers? If she were to have a baby with anyone, it would be with her husband. As much as she loved her sister, she couldn’t—God, she just… she couldn’t. She didn’t even want to think about it, because it felt like such a deep betrayal to Lucius, for someone who in no way was even fit to be a proper mother. Still, Narcissa tried to push past the thought, as that wasn’t what Bellatrix had originally said would happen should they do this ritual. “This is just _you,_ and—”

“And it’s possible,” Bellatrix finished for her. “Cissy, this ritual, it isn’t… it doesn’t _follow_ the normal rules of creation. That was my point. It can create life from almost anything, if only the proper requirements are met.”

Bellatrix’s lack of explaining what those proper requirements _were_ though, didn’t exactly fill Narcissa with ease. “And what… what exactly are they?” she tried to ask, though knowing she probably wouldn’t get a real answer; if Bellatrix was going to explain it to her, she would have already. “What do we have to do?”

“Trust me, Cissy, you really don’t want to know.” Narcissa looked as though she were about to object, but Bellatrix just held up her hand to stop her. “No, look, you just need to—you have to trust me, okay? Because I’m not joking when I tell you that this is literally our only option that will get you out of this relatively sane. I know it’s not ideal and I _know_ it’s still going to be shit for you, to have to carry this child to term and give it up even though it isn’t yours, but just try to remember that, yeah? _It’s not yours._ Right now, you’d just be my… well, for lack of a better term, you would sort of be like my incubator.”

Narcissa sniffled, feeling so incredibly defeated as she wiped another tear off her cheek. She knew that this was her only option at this point, but she hated it. “That doesn’t make it better, Bella…” Because it was still a _child;_ it was still innocent and helpless and didn’t deserve any of this. And although it wouldn’t be hers, it would be her sister’s and she…

She loved just the mere idea of the child already, just because it would come from _her._

“Maybe not,” Bellatrix responded, knowing that this was going to still traumatize her sister, but having completely run out of any other ideas. This was their best-case scenario, even if it was awful. “But at least you’d be sacrificing a niece, instead of your own son or daughter. If you weigh it up against that, then this will hurt a lot less.”

Narcissa buried her face in her hands, pulling her knees up to her chest as she released a strangled sob. She couldn’t bare this, but maybe Bellatrix was right; maybe in the end, she had to boil it down to that: would she rather sacrifice her niece, or her own child? And though it pained her to choose, Narcissa knew her answer before the question was even formed.

“Cissy,” Bellatrix said gently, placing a hand atop her sister’s knee as she looked down at her. “You agreed to sacrifice your fucking first-born child, the one thing you had wanted ever since you were a little girl, just to make me whole. So let me do this. I sodding _owe_ you this.”

And though it pained her to do it, even though she hated herself with every fiber of her being for _agreeing_ to something like this, Narcissa reluctantly nodded her head, allowing her sister to relieve her of some of this burden. Because she was right, in the end, she did owe her; Narcissa just wished she had found a better way to repay her than _this_.

[x]

Bellatrix told her that she would need a month to brew the potion that was required for the ritual, yet when asked refused to tell her what the ingredients of it were. That, in no way, made Narcissa feel better about _anything,_ but Bellatrix insisted it would be easier if she remained in the dark about the details as ignorance was, generally, bliss. Narcissa wanted to trust her, but there was this nagging part in the back of her mind that believed she was being lied to about something; or at the very least, not being told the whole truth. There was something very _off_ about how insistent Bellatrix was about doing this, about how she kept telling her over and over that this was their only option, yet wouldn’t tell her what other things she had even considered before this, and one day Narcissa couldn’t take the feeling anymore and asked, “Are you doing this for me… or for you?”

Bellatrix turned towards her, her brow furrowing in a way that was more defensive than questioning. “What the hell kind of question is that?” she demanded. “What exactly are you suggesting, Cissy; that I’m somehow using you for my own gain?”

Narcissa swallowed her upset, not wanting to get prematurely emotional off of just a hunch, although Bellatrix’s reaction was not helping in the slightest. “Bella, you… you told me once that it killed you that you couldn’t give the Dark Lord what he wanted,” Narcissa responded, wrapping her arms around her midsection as she stared at her sister across the room, praying that Bellatrix wasn’t doing this just to further her own selfish ends. “Is this even for my sake, or are you doing this just so you can feel like you finally fulfilled your duty to him?” 

Offense crossed Bellatrix’s face at those words, and she was quick to anger when she snapped furiously, “I can’t believe you’d even fucking _ask_ me something like that, Cissy—”

“You’re not telling me something!” Narcissa defended, because she just _knew._ She knew her sister, and she knew she wasn’t getting the whole story. “I know you, and I know when you lie; what aren’t you telling me, Bella?!”

“A lot of things!” Bellatrix barked, crossing the room to her as she firmly grasped her arm. “All of which is to save _you_ from guilt and pain, less you’ve forgotten. Do you think this ritual is going to be something clean, something _pure?_ ”

Blood Magic. The name itself didn’t suggestion cleanliness or purity, but Narcissa hated being in the dark about what was going on. It frightened her, the unknown; it always had. 

“You don’t have the stomach for this, Narcissa,” Bellatrix furiously reminded her, practically shoving her arm away from her, “so _I’m_ doing it for you. Honestly, it’s bad enough that there’s one part of this that you actually _have_ to be there for, because God only fucking knows how much you’re going to protest it; but I’ve already begun this, and I’m not stopping. I’m trying to save you from suffering, Cissy, so don’t you ever fucking stand there and accuse me of something different. Everything that I do, I have always done for you.”

Narcissa swallowed as she looked down at the floor, nodding her understanding. She never doubted that her sister was doing this to help her, but she couldn’t shake the feeling like Bellatrix was benefiting from this in some way. In the end though, did it really matter? Perhaps Bellatrix deserved to get something out of this, considering that she was putting herself in danger just by helping her deceive the Dark Lord. If Voldemort were to find out that they were doing this, he would no doubt feel cheated and the consequences would be severe. 

Narcissa had to wonder though, was it enough that she was giving her Lord something that she once believed she’d never be able to, or would she desire the praise she would get if she took credit? Narcissa didn’t believe Bellatrix stupid enough to outright tell the Dark Lord that she had deceived him, as she doubted he would take that well, but Narcissa couldn’t help but wonder what the damn _point_ was if Voldemort didn’t know it was she who was really giving it to him. Was Bellatrix really so devoted to him that it didn’t matter if he knew she was serving him, so long as she was? Narcissa couldn’t understand that, but then again she had never been obsessively devoted to anyone before.

Well, perhaps she was to Bellatrix in a way, but that was different.

“I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized softly. “I just… found it strange that you never even told me what other options you ran through before settling on this. It just seemed a bit like you _wanted_ something like this to happen, which…” Narcissa exhaled a defeated breath of air, running her fingers through her hair as she looked at her sister. “I suppose you have a right to choose the best option for _you_ , considering what it is that you’re risking for me by doing this. I just hope that this was the best one for me as well, is all..”

“Cissy,” Bellatrix responded, her name being exhaled as sort of a sigh as she grasped her forearms. “Maybe this does benefit me in a way, but that doesn’t sodding mean that I chose it _because_ of that. This was the best option that had the least likely outcome of the Dark Lord finding out and you and me both getting bloody _murdered_ for it, do you understand me? If you ran, he would find you. If we faked a pregnancy, someone could end up finding out. If we put anyone else’s baby _but_ mine inside of you, the thing might not even come out looking like you—”

Narcissa’s head shot up at that. “Wait a minute,” she interrupted, realizing something. “Bella, this child _isn’t_ going to look like me though; it’s going to look exactly like _you._ ”

“And?” Bellatrix responded, like that wasn’t even something to be concerned by. “We are sisters, aren’t we?”

“Lucius and I are both _blonde,_ Bella!” Narcissa exclaimed, because wouldn’t it be obvious that a dark-haired child wasn’t theirs? 

“And mum and dad were brunettes, and yet here _you_ are,” Bellatrix pointed out, motioning towards her sister’s fair hair. “Dark hair runs in our family; it’s _you_ who ended up being the abnormal one. So while it might be more likely that you and Lucius will have a blonde child, it’s not completely unfathomable that you wouldn’t either. Besides, the baby might not even coming out _having_ hair, so you might be worrying for nothing. Trust me, Cissy; our facial features look well enough alike that no one will think twice about it.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, still concerned but trusting her sister’s judgment as she nodded her head. Maybe Bellatrix was right; dark hair did run in their family after all, and there could be a chance that it would be more dominant even over her and Lucius’ naturally fair-hair. Besides, they did look very similar to one another and even if they didn’t, unless Voldemort knew exactly what Bellatrix looked like as a baby, then he probably wouldn’t notice that he was being given an exact replica of his favored lieutenant. 

At least that was the hope anyway.

It still sickened Narcissa though; the thought of giving up a child, even if it wasn’t her own. She didn’t know how she was going to be able to emotionally handle having her sister’s baby ripped from her arms once she looked at it, and the closer the date loomed where she would have to be impregnated with Bellatrix’s child, the more she began to fall apart at the seams. 

Finally the night of the ritual was upon them and when Narcissa showed up on her sister’s doorstep, she was fairly certain that she was going to vomit. Bellatrix however, instead of inviting her inside, stepped out to greet her as she grasped her hand in her own. “Not here,” she told her in a low tone, weaving their fingers tightly together. “I don’t know when Rodolphus will be home, and we can’t risk him walking in on this. Hold on.”

They disapparated with a loud crack and when they landed, Narcissa had to place a hand over her mouth to try to stop herself from getting sick. Her sister was never good with side-along as it was, and the way her stomach was feeling right now only made matters worse. She managed to get ahold of herself though and finally had a moment to take in her surroundings, surprised by where Bellatrix had brought her. 

It was the deep cave by the waterfront that the three of them used to play in as small children; at least that was until their mother found out and forbade them from going there, insisting that if they continued to act like ‘unruly boys’ that they would never find proper husbands. Narcissa was six at the time – Bella, ten. The nostalgia of it at least distracted Narcissa from her nerves for a little while as she sucked in a sharp breath at the sight she was presented with; the cave was decorated with dozens and dozens of candles, with a large blanket being placed in the center of the room with a few pillows. Narcissa’s brow furrowed at that part in particularly.

“What’s all this?” she asked softly, watching her sister make her way over a large, nearly flattened rock that she seemed to be using as a preparation table. 

Bellatrix glanced at her as she pulled a vial of amber liquid from her bag, delicately resting it atop the surface of the rock. “I’d hoped it’d make it easier for you to relax,” she responded. “Because fuck knows you’re not going to be once this begins. Besides, it’s better than making you lie on the dirty ground.”

The feeling of dread that had been brewing in the pit of Narcissa’s stomach grew tenfold. She didn’t like how Bellatrix was so certain that she was going to freak out, especially since she still didn’t know what exactly this ritual entailed. Still, the only thing she could think to ask then was, “…Why would I have to lie down?”

Bellatrix shot her a look like she was being stupid as she pulled what looked like to be a needleless syringe out of her bag. “Why do you think, Cissy?” she replied, holding up the object in her hand. “This shit needs to get into your uterus _somehow._ ”

Narcissa’s eyes went wide. “You’re… you’re going to _inject_ that into me?!” She didn’t even know what was _in_ that potion; how could Bellatrix be so sure that it was even safe?! Besides, the last thing she wanted was to feel some damn syringe halfway up her vagina.

“Oh, give me some credit, will you?” Bellatrix responded, looking a little exasperated before she pulled a dildo out of her bag. It looked to be hollowed out, with a hole in the tip of it. “I’m gonna try to make this as least clinical as possible. Besides, you need to have an orgasm; the contractions help suck the shit up or something. Just trust me, okay? I know what I’m doing, and I’ve been very fucking careful to do this perfectly. The last thing I want is for something to go wrong.” 

Narcissa still looked apprehensive though, but her attention was diverted momentarily as she heard a noise come from behind her. Whipping around, all Narcissa was greeted with was darkness, but she was certain she heard something deeper in the caves. “What was that?” she asked, voice barely above a whisper. Fear struck her; what if they weren’t alone?

“Probably just an animal,” Bellatrix dismissed as she pulled a silver dagger out of her bag, placing it in the inner pocket of her robes. Narcissa was fairly certain she did _not_ want to know what that was for, but she didn’t have much time to think about it because Bellatrix immediately tried to get Narcissa’s attention back on her as she encouraged, “Come here.”

Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip, still worried about the noise she had heard, but tried to have faith in her sister’s assumption that it was just an animal. Besides, who would be roaming dark caves at _this_ hour of the night? Maybe she was just being paranoid.

Trying to push her fears out of her mind, Narcissa did what was instructed of her and tentatively approached her sister, who had just withdrawn a harness from her bag. Apparently she wanted to be as involved in this process as much as she could, when logically Narcissa could have probably just masturbated with her dildo/syringe contraption. Not that she wanted to though; she didn’t want to do _any_ of this honestly, as she had no idea how she was supposed to enjoy herself enough to get off when the outcome of this would no doubt be a dead child. The sickness in Narcissa’s stomach grew more predominant, making her abdomen ache as she knelt down next to her sister. She hoped this would be over with quickly, because she couldn’t bear this.

But even as she thought that, she knew it wouldn’t be. If this took, then it was only just the beginning. 

“Alright, this is how this is going to go,” Bellatrix began, taking ahold of her sister’s hand as she began to walk her through the process. “I am going to procure the final ingredient and when I do, I will need to use it to paint runic symbols on both of our bodies. Then I’m going to lay you down, I’m going to make love to you, and when you’re about to come then I’m going to inject the potion into you as I say the spell. Alright? It’ll be simple, and all you have do is just lay there. I’ll do the rest.”

It seemed a little _too_ simple, and therein lied the issue. “…What’s the final ingredient?” Narcissa asked softly, already knowing that she wasn’t going to like it; if Bellatrix wasn’t concerned by her reaction to it she would have outright told her what it was, after all. The feeling of dread in Narcissa’s stomach grew tenfold just by the way Bellatrix was now looking at her; she seemed really hesitant to reveal the truth to her.

“Whatever else you think, Cissy, whatever else it is that you _do_ ,” Bellatrix began seriously, catching her gaze. “Just remember that it’s too late to back out now.”

That, in no way, made Narcissa feel better. “Bella…” she breathed uncertainly, feeling as though the pit of her stomach had been inhabited by rocks. She didn’t like where this was going. But before Bellatrix could answer, Narcissa heard another sound behind her and she whipped around, the hand that was in her sister’s grasp squeezing fiercely. It sounded like a muffled voice, but it was hard to tell. “Oh my god,” she whispered fearfully, now sure that she heard something scuffling a little way down the cave. “Bella, I don’t—I don’t think we’re alone.”

“We’re not.”

Narcissa turned to face her sister so fast that she nearly gave herself whiplash. “ _—What?_ ” But Bellatrix didn’t give her an explanation. Instead she untangled their hands and stood, moving past Narcissa and into the darkness of the cave, directly towards the noise. Narcissa held her breath, terrified that this was exactly what she feared it was.

_Blood magic._ The final ingredient was in the title, wasn’t it?

Narcissa felt ill.

It got so much worse once her sister pulled a bound and gagged man into the light, causing Narcissa’s hand to cover her mouth in horror. “Cissy,” Bellatrix began, like she was introducing two of her friends to one another, and not the man she was about to murder to the woman who would be the cause of his death. The dagger she had withdrawn from her bag was now pressed threateningly against his throat, and the man looked terrified beyond measure. “Meet Caradoc Dearborn; member of the Order of the Phoenix, all around pain in my arse, and the life we are going to trade for the creation of another. Say hello.”

“No…” Narcissa breathed in horror, looking at her sister like she couldn’t believe _this_ was something she thought she would actually let happen. Both Bellatrix and Lucius had told her about the Order recently as they had begun making life much harder for them, but her sister mentioning to her that this man was a part of it was almost like she was trying to make his death justifiable to her. It wasn’t though; he was still a _person,_ no matter which side of the war he was on. “No, Bella, you—you _can’t;_ please, please don’t do this. We’ll find another way, we’ll—!”

“You can’t create life without taking another, Cissy—it’s common fucking sense; the balance needs to be kept!” Bellatrix exclaimed, as though Narcissa was foolish for not realizing that sooner. “And you can’t create something from nothing; that’s the first bloody rule of magic, is it not? I know you don’t like this, but this is the _only_ way.”

“Then I don’t want to do it!” Narcissa practically shouted as she got to her feet, tears stinging the back of her eyes. The man, Caradoc, he barely even looked to be twenty years old and he seemed so, _so_ terrified by what was about to happen to him. It ripped Narcissa to shreds. She couldn’t—she couldn’t be the _cause_ of something like this. She refused to; this was not who she _was!_ “I’m not going to murder someone for my own gain, Bellatrix; I’m not _you!_ ”

“You’re right,” Bellatrix responded, looking her sister dead in the eyes as she pressed the dagger harder against Caradoc’s throat, causing tiny drops of blood to dribble down his neck. “You’re not me.”

And then with one, firm swipe of the dagger, the man’s throat was cut right in front of her. Narcissa screamed in horror and backed up a few steps, crying and practically hyperventilating as she watched Caradoc’s lifeless body fall to the floor, his neck gushing with blood as it pooled on the ground. She knew her sister murdered people, but she had never _witnessed_ it before. Bellatrix was so callous about it, like it didn’t even matter to her as she held Narcissa’s gaze the entire time, expression unchanged. And while that was better than watching her sister enjoy it – as Narcissa was certain she did when she was going mental – the fact that it was as easy to Bellatrix as _breathing_ was so terribly jarring. 

“Fuck,” Narcissa breathed through erratic sobs as she practically crumbled into a ball on the floor, fisting her hands in her hair. Caradoc’s eyes were still open and _staring_ at her as he bled out, and Narcissa felt like she was falling completely apart. _”Fuck,_ you—you psychotic _bitch!_ You just—you…!”

“Oh, calm down, it isn’t as though you knew him.”

Narcissa looked up at her sister; disbelieving, distraught. “Fuck _off,”_ she seethed, tears running down her cheeks in lines. “Don’t you dare speak to me right now—Jesus… Jesus Christ, Bella… Jesus _fucking_ Christ…!”

“For shit’s sake, Cissy, he was going to die anyway, alright?!” Bellatrix snapped, sounding impatient with her sister’s mental breakdown. “He was part of the Order, he saw my face; he saw _your_ face. I couldn’t just _let him go._ If you’re so bloody fucking concerned about it, then at least make his death _matter._ Now get up; we have a limited window to do this.”

Bellatrix’s hand wrapped around the blonde’s forearm, forcefully pulling her to her feet. Narcissa came without a fight, although she was still crying rather heavily. Maybe Bellatrix was right; maybe after seeing who they were that he had to die, but it was still hard to justify it. The last thing Narcissa ever wanted to become was a murderer, and yet now she was an accessory to one. Although to be fair, this was hardly the first person Bellatrix had killed for her; but Roxanne, her parents, they were—they were _different._ God, she didn’t have to _be_ there for them, and now… and now…

“Strip,” Bellatrix ordered, unclasping Narcissa’s robes before helping them off of her shoulders. Narcissa could do little more than just stand there as her sister undressed her, getting absolutely no help as tears ran down the contour of her cheeks. Bellatrix exhaled a frustrated breath of air but did not get onto Narcissa about being rather useless; she just continued to undress her until finally Narcissa stood there completely nude with her arms wrapped around her midsection. It was the only way she felt like she wasn’t about to shatter into a million pieces.

Bellatrix touched her face then and it was loving, gentle. “It’ll be worth it, Cissy,” she breathed, catching identical brown eyes in her gaze. “I promise you, it’ll be worth it. Just please trust me.”

Narcissa was _trying_ , but it was hard to when there was a dead body not ten feet from where she stood. She just placed a hand over her mouth and exhaled a strangled sob, wanting all of this to just be over with so she could hide in her bedroom and just sleep for days. She wasn’t emotionally prepared for something like this at all; already this ritual left her feeling rather destroyed, as the outcome of it was no doubt going to destroy her soul a little bit, but now, with _this…_ God, it made it so, so much worse, and Narcissa didn’t know what to do. All she could do was just stand there and cry.

Bellatrix removed her clothes once she had finished with her sister, right before shooting Narcissa a look that almost came off as concerned before she gently placed her lips against her cheek. The blonde’s eyes fell closed and another tear slipped down her cheek as Bellatrix softly requested, “Please stop crying, love. I know this isn’t ideal for you, but we’re about to create something fucking _beautiful,_ do you hear me? Even if it doesn’t last, for one short moment we’re going to be connected in a way that we never thought we could before. Don’t you want that?”

Narcissa inhaled a shaky breath as she pressed the back of her hand to her lips, not really knowing what to say to that. It almost seemed as if Bellatrix was considering this child _theirs,_ even if it would hold none of Narcissa’s DNA. She made it sound like that made things better, but honestly it only made it worse. She didn’t want to think of this child as hers; she barely even wanted to think of it as _real._ It made it so much harder that way. 

For Bellatrix though, who had always dreamed of impregnating her – not because she wanted a child, but because she wanted to own every part of her in the same way that _Lucius_ could – thinking of the child as theirs seemed to make her… almost _happy_ , in a way. It was so fucking screwed up, considering what would happen to this baby once it was born, and Narcissa didn’t know what to do or say to that so she just continued to cry, unable to express her emotions in any other way. She just felt so very devastated; so utterly and completely shattered inside. 

Bellatrix exhaled a rather defeated breath at the lack of proper answer from Narcissa, but seemed to give up on trying to make this better for her as she turned, walking over to the man lying on the floor. Narcissa’s stomach lurched in a rather sickening way as she watched her sister place a few of her fingers in the puddle of blood, only now just remembering what Bellatrix had said they had to do with the ‘final ingredient.’ She felt like she was going to be ill as she watched her sister begin to draw runic symbols on her skin with the man’s blood, almost frozen still in horror as she realized that she was next. 

God, she couldn’t—she _couldn’t…_

“Come here,” Bellatrix instructed once she was finished with herself, beckoning Narcissa over with blood-stained fingers. The blonde was fairly certain she was two seconds away from losing her dinner all over the floor, and erratically shook her head. Bellatrix let out an exasperated sigh and crossed the distance between them, grasping onto her sister’s wrist with her bloodied hand and making Narcissa exhale a rather pathetic sounding whimper.

“Close your eyes, yeah?” Bellatrix instructed, still _trying_ to make this better for Narcissa, despite not getting anywhere with it multiple times before. Narcissa honestly didn’t know why she was even bothering anymore; she seemed to have gotten rather frustrated by her lack of success in the area. By this point, she was surprised her sister wasn’t just violently forcing this on her just to get it done; she had never really been good with _patience_ , after all. “Just don’t think about it. Pretend it’s just water.”

Narcissa did as she was instructed, although mostly because she couldn’t bear to see the blood all over her; she couldn’t bear to acknowledged that this was truly happening right now. At the first touch of her sister’s sticky hand she noticeably jumped, squeezing her eyes shut tighter as she tried to think of anything _but_ this. In the end she settled on trying to convince herself that this was all just some horrible dream and once she got to the end of it she’d wake up, and everything would be normal again. But the second Bellatrix’s fingertips touched her forehead to draw the final rune, Narcissa fell apart all over again. That shit touching her _face_ was just… it was too much. All of this was just too much.

Soft lips covered hers then and Bellatrix kissed her gently, not getting much reciprocation as Narcissa was too busy practically sobbing into her mouth. “You’re beautiful,” Bellatrix tried, the declaration barely more than a whisper as she brushed the pads of her fingers across Narcissa’s curves. “You’re _mine,_ and I love you more than I could ever hope to fucking describe in words. Do you hear me? Narcissa,” she breathed, cupping her sister’s cheek. “Look at me.” Narcissa’s watery eyes finally fluttered open, catching her sister’s gaze in the flickering candlelight in the cave. “I’m not doing this to hurt you. I would never.”

“…I know,” Narcissa whispered, because she did understand that. Bellatrix did have good intentions, it was just what she had _done_ to achieve her results that didn’t sit well with Narcissa. But the fact that Bellatrix was trying to make this _intimate_ said something to her, as she could have just as well bent her over and gave her a quick fuck to achieve her ends. Instead she was trying to offset something horrible with something _good,_ solely because she didn’t want this to be a completely terrible experience for her youngest sister. 

And maybe she’d never be able to make this into something that Narcissa would ever view as _good,_ but it was the fact that Bellatrix was trying to that made all the difference to her.

“Lie down,” Bellatrix softly encouraged before she gave her another soft kiss on the lips in parting. Narcissa swallowed hard but nodded, doing what she was told as she watched her sister cross the room to conjure some water in a small dish she had brought, washing her blood-stained hands. The water began to turn a sickly red and Narcissa had to shut her eyes as she laid flat on the ground, trying to pretend that she was anywhere but here right now. 

Her sister approached her shortly afterwards and Narcissa felt her kneel down on the ground next to her. There was a soft click as Bellatrix no doubt placed the potion filled syringe into the hollowed out phallus, followed by some shuffling as her sister put on the harness. Narcissa refused to open her eyes though, just trying to focus on her breathing, or the wind outside or _something_ other than the fact that she had a dead man’s blood all over her, and that she was about to beimpregnated with her sister’s child. She didn’t want to cry anymore, although it seemed that she passed the point of emotional exhaustion anyway as she couldn’t even bring her body to express her sorrow and distress any longer. She just kind of lied there, motionless and weak as she allowed Bellatrix to take the lead.

As much as she loved having sex with her sister, she prayed this would be over with quickly.

Narcissa’s hips twitched as Bellatrix placed her lips against the skin of her abdomen, giving her a soft kiss. The blonde’s breath came out in a shaky exhale as she felt her sister continue to kiss her softly, her lips falling across her hip and down one of her thighs. “Don’t open your eyes,” Bellatrix breathed, no doubt wanting to keep Narcissa focused on the _feeling_ of this, rather than the reality of what was actually going on. Her mouth closed over the apex of Narcissa’s thighs then and the younger woman bit down on her bottom lip, desperately trying to focus on what her sister was doing to her, and not the fact that she was having sex only a few feet from a dead fucking body.

Bellatrix gently flicked her tongue over her clitoris and Narcissa stifled a whimper, fisting her hands over her eyes as she began counting her breaths, Bellatrix’s licks, anything; because if she wasn’t actively trying to focus on something else, then her mind would brutally and immediately remind her of all the horrible aspects of this. Unfortunately, obsessively counting things wasn’t doing her any favors when it came to getting turned on. Bellatrix was _trying_ but the blonde was barely getting wet at all, and Narcissa heard her sister exhale a tiny, frustrated breath after she came up from between her legs.

“I’m sorry…” Narcissa breathed apologetically, knowing this was not going in the way that they needed it to. Bellatrix said it was imperative that she have an orgasm in order to better draw the potion into her uterus, but with the way she was feeling she doubted that was going to happen.

“It’s alright, love,” Bellatrix responded softly, being patient with her despite having told Narcissa that they had a small window of time to do this in. She climbed up her body then, gently resting on her sister’s right side as she delicately brushed the pads of her fingers over her breasts, her abdomen, her mound. Her lips fastened against the base of Narcissa’s neck then, kissing and sucking softly before tracing the shell of her ear with her tongue.

That, at least, made Narcissa shiver. 

“I’ve never found much beauty in the world,” Bellatrix breathed against her ear, her hand sliding down to slip between her folds. “Life had always seemed so harsh and cruel, something we all must suffer through so we can hopefully reach something better. I was slowly deteriorating, this awful darkness rotting me from the inside out; tainting everything good and pure in my life, and leaving me more miserable than I was the day before.” 

Bellatrix’s voice was soft, barely above a whisper, and the vibrations against her ear caused Narcissa to instinctively flush a little as her sister softly stimulated her clit with her fingers. “And then one day I opened my eyes and that had all disappeared,” she continued, sounding so open and _honest_ with her that it almost took Narcissa aback a little. Bellatrix was generally truthful with her, yes, but she never really did _declarations,_ which was what this seemed like. She had always rather been very simple and straightforward with her words. She was purposeful,; concise, and now…

“I know I will never be the person you wish I was,” Bellatrix went on, her voice sounding as though it might have caught in her throat a bit. Narcissa’s heart lurched. “I’m not like you; I’m not a good person. Generally, people are so goddamn inconsequential to me, and I will most likely never care for their fate. But you… you, who sacrificed everything for me, who loved me when no one else would; _you_ I would tear down the sky for. My world used to be so colorless, and now it’s… it’s fucking vibrant and it’s beautiful, and you’re the centerpiece of it. You are my sun, Cissy; the thing which my world revolves around, for I would have never been able to experience it in this way if it wasn’t for you.”

Narcissa felt her eyes well up with tears, overcome with emotion from her sister’s unexpected declaration. Bellatrix pressed a little firmer on her clit then and Narcissa gasped softly, finally feeling a familiar heat begin to brew in the pit of her stomach. Bellatrix touched her cheek then, looking down at her as her uneven breaths etched patterns against Narcissa’s lips. “…Thank you,” she whispered, the gratitude in her words rather overwhelming, as the amount of emotion behind them could not be denied. “Thank you for saving my life, Narcissa.”

Narcissa’s small, emotional sob was stifled as soft lips met hers, and the blonde could do nothing else but grasp onto her as she kissed Bellatrix with a passion equal to the woman’s own. Bellatrix had thanked her for that before, but it had never been… it was never like _that._ That was an entirely different level of gratitude, and Narcissa didn’t really know what to do with it, as it wasn’t like her sister to say things of that magnitude. She had always been passionate and perhaps even a bit dramatic when she declared her love to her, but in the end they had always consisted of a sentence or two. This was so much more than that.

Bellatrix’s tongue slipped into her mouth at the same time two of her fingers entered Narcissa, causing the blonde beneath her to groan at the feeling. She had never expected to be able to enjoy this, but Bellatrix did know her better than anyone else, after all; of course she’d realize the only thing that would ever be able to take Narcissa out of her head was if she got emotional over something _good_ instead. She always did have a bit of a thing about spiraling, whether she was doing so in something good or bad. Bellatrix just showed her the other end of the spectrum and once Narcissa was sufficiently wet enough, she shifted so she was more on top of her before positioning the phallus at her entrance.

And then she pushed into her.

“Fuck,” Narcissa gasped, still refusing to open her eyes as she knew that once she did, everything bore the chance of shattering around her. Her hands blindly reached out to grasp her sister’s hips, encouraging her to push deeper inside of her. “Bella…” she half-whined, half-moaned as her fingernails began to press crescent marks into the brunette’s pale skin. Bellatrix’s breathing was beginning to labor, though Narcissa was fairly certain that _this_ strap on wasn’t enchanted; after all, it might be overcomplicate things to put a spell on something that was already being used for another purpose. It could affect the potion somehow. Still, Bellatrix seemed to be getting off on this all on her own, although she always did have a bit of a dick complex; perhaps she just liked watching herself penetrate Narcissa.

“You are more than I ever could have asked for, Cissy,” Bellatrix breathed against her lips, laying it on thick so Narcissa wouldn’t even have a second to think of anything else but her in that moment. “And far more than someone like me deserves.” Narcissa wanted to protest that, as she certainly wasn’t as amazing as her sister believed her to be, but she didn’t have the chance to because Bellatrix’s fingers had found her clit, and between that and the relentless attention her g-spot was receiving, Narcissa could do little more than gasp and pant beneath her, her fingers leaving bruises on Bellatrix’s skin as she felt herself grow so, so close.

“— _Bella_ ,” she forced out, feeling herself grow lightheaded as her abdomen was weighed down by a heavy, burning desire. “Bella, I’m gonna—I’m…!” Generally she didn’t let her sister know when she was about to come, as declaring something like that was fairly pointless because Bellatrix would feel it in a moment _anyway,_ but she knew a spell was needed and didn’t want her sister to miss her window; not after everything they had already sacrificed to do this.

Bellatrix didn’t hesitate. Words started to pour from her lips in a language Narcissa did not know nor understand, and Narcissa tried to hold off until she was done but her sister was still furiously rubbing her fingers against her clit as she penetrated her deeper, harder, faster, and Narcissa couldn’t stop herself. She came with a loud shout, which was half from pleasure and half from shock as one of Bellatrix’s hands reached down and released the potion into her vagina while the other practically slammed down against her chest. Narcissa’s eyes popped open in shock, and she nearly shouted again once she saw that Bellatrix’s eyes were completely black and the runes on their bodies were glowing. But she was still coming, and the fluid inside of her was so incredibly disorienting and a bit too warm, and all Narcissa could really do was lie there helplessly while a violent wave coursed through her body. 

When it ended, Narcissa trembled as tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, feeling so incredibly overwhelmed by what had just happened. She didn’t know how to process it, but as Bellatrix’s eyes returned to their natural color and she withdrew from her in order to flop next to her on the blanket, Narcissa’s head lolled to the side and she was suddenly and brutally reminded of how exactly she should feel. Caradoc’s lifeless eyes still stared at her from across the cave, and Narcissa couldn’t bear it anymore as she had to force herself to roll over completely as she emptied the contents of her stomach onto the ground. 

“Well,” Bellatrix said a little breathlessly, pushing the hair out of her eyes as she watched her sister spit the remnants of her bile onto the ground. She didn’t seem surprised, but she didn’t seem all that concerned by it either. “At least you didn’t do that while I was fucking you.”

Narcissa eyes just began to leak tears in response.

**TBC…**


	13. XIII. Spring, 1977 – Summer, 1977

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN  
Spring, 1977 – Summer, 1977**

The spell had taken. Narcissa was pregnant.

She had found out only days later, using the same potion Bellatrix had given her the _first_ time she had found herself in this state; only this time, there would be no aborting it. This time, she would be forced to carry it to term only to ultimately hand it over to its death, and Narcissa felt sick with herself. It didn’t help that she was having morning sickness on top of that, and now felt as though she spent more time in the bathroom than she did anywhere else.

She told Lucius she must have come down with the flu. She couldn’t tell him the truth; not yet. Narcissa just… she didn’t know _how._ How do you tell your husband that you sold their child? Because the worst part about all of this was that Lucius _had_ to think that it was his; Bellatrix told her that she did this to save _her_ from the pain, not him. At the end of the day, they both knew how Lucius would react should he find out it was Bellatrix who impregnated her.

“You need to tell him,” Bellatrix told her one day, her arms snaking around her sister’s waist from behind as she basically cradled her stomach. Although Narcissa wasn’t showing yet, she knew it was only a matter of time; she was ten weeks along. Bellatrix placed her chin on her sister’s shoulder, her voice low as she stated that which Narcissa was already painfully aware of. “As dimwitted as that man is, he’s going to notice eventually.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Narcissa responded, her tone filled with distress as she glanced at the threshold of the parlor doorway. Lucius had just gotten home from work and was changing upstairs; and while it generally tended to take him awhile, as he usually showered first, Narcissa really didn’t want him to hear their conversation. It was one thing not to tell him yet, but if he found out Bellatrix knew _first…?_ “I just… I don’t know how.”

“Well, you could always start with, ‘Lucius, I’m pregnant’, and go from there.”

Narcissa’s expression darkened at that, as it didn’t sound as though Bellatrix was taking this seriously. She felt her sister basically stroke her stomach then like… like what she was carrying was something _precious_ to her, and that made Narcissa feel sick, because it implied a sense of caring that she knew her sister did not hold for her unborn baby. But she couldn’t deal with Bellatrix’s warped sense of maternal instincts right now; as much as she needed to tell her to _stop,_ she had more pressing matters to attend to.

Practically elbowing Bellatrix in the ribs, Narcissa roughly pushed her sister away from her as she exhaled a disbelieving sound of disgust at the casual way the brunette was approaching the situation. “You don’t get it, do you?” Narcissa breathed, making sure to keep her voice low. Some of the words caught in her throat, but she refused to cry over this; she had done enough of that already. “I’m going to _hurt_ him, Bella; so deeply that I don’t know if he’ll ever find it in himself to forgive me for it. And what’s more than that, he’ll no doubt view what I’ve done as some kind of betrayal to him because I—I did it to save _you._ I’m so…” The blonde’s hands went to her head then, splayed out across her forehead as she began to feel pressured and overwhelmed. “God, I’m so bloody _terrified_ of his reaction, can’t you understand that? I couldn’t bear it if he hated me, not on top of everything else…”

“Well what do you expect to do, just get fat and hope he doesn’t notice?” Bellatrix responded, looking at Narcissa like she was mental for putting this off, when they both knew she had no other choice _but_ to tell him. “Look, I’m not trying to be insensitive or whatever the fuck you think I’m being right now, but you need to suck it up. He needs to know, and the longer you put it off the worse it’s going to be.”

Bellatrix was right; Narcissa knew that she was, but that didn’t make it any easier. Exhaling a long breath, Narcissa tangled her fingers in her hair as she desperately tried to come up with a solution, _any_ solution that didn’t involve having this conversation with her husband. “Maybe… maybe I could just go away for a little while—”

“ _Where?_ ” Bellatrix interrupted, quick to shut down that idea. “Where the hell could you possibly go for nine months without your _husband?_ Honestly, Cissy, it’s like you don’t even think—”

“The hospital?” Narcissa tried, turning on her heel as she shot a pleading look at her sister; she needed Bellatrix to help her figure this out. “I could stop eating again, I could—!”

But her wrist was suddenly snatched in Bellatrix’s hand, the grip bruising and painful as Narcissa exhaled a small gasp. Her sister’s eyes were hardened, dark. “I will kill you myself if you ever pull that shit again, do you hear me?” Bellatrix hissed, not even wanting to hear about the _possibility_ of it; she was done watching Narcissa commit a painfully slow suicide. “Besides, you’d probably kill my fucking child if you did that, and then what’d be the point of _any_ of this?”

_Her_ child. That made Narcissa’s stomach do a strange sort of somersault inside of her, and although she wished that it was entirely unpleasant, the sad fact was that it wasn’t. God, she couldn’t bear this. All she had ever wanted when she was younger was…

No. No, she wouldn’t think about that. She refused to, because this wasn’t real.

“I didn’t… I just meant that I could—that maybe I could just _pretend…_ ” Narcissa tried, sounding less sure of herself by the minute. She just didn’t know what to do, and starving herself was the first thing that came to mind. It used to be her solution for everything, after all.

“And when Lucius came to visit you in the hospital and realized you weren’t there, then what?” Bellatrix countered as she finally let go of her wrist, and Narcissa just shook her head, utterly at a loss. It was a foolish idea, she knew that, but it was the only one she had. And even if she _did_ starve herself for real, then Lucius would still visit her in the hospital and notice her pregnancy. Bellatrix was right; she didn’t have any other options. She needed to tell him.

“I’m just…” Narcissa tried, the words beginning to choke up in her throat as she began to feel backed into a corner. She didn’t want to do this; she couldn’t bear to hurt her husband in this way, but what else could she do? Fair eyelashes blinked back tears as a hand pressed against pursed lips, and after Narcissa exhaled a shuddered breath, she looked at her sister helplessly as she whispered, “I’m scared, Bella. I’m scared of what he’ll say, I’m scared of what he’ll _think_ of me…”

A tear slipped down her cheek then, and within moments she was wrapped up in her sister’s embrace, a protective hand being cradled against the back of her head. “Come on, Cissy, don’t do that,” Bellatrix chided, sounding a little exasperated by the sight of her sister’s sorrow; no doubt she believed Narcissa had ages to come to terms with her decision, as it had been years now, but it just didn’t… it didn’t work that way. Still, despite her lack of proper empathy, Bellatrix at least knew enough to comfort her, and Narcissa’s hands fisted in her sister’s robes as she buried her head in the crook of her neck. “You know that’s not going to make anything better.”

Of course it wasn’t; crying never made anything better, but that wasn’t why people did it.

“I’m just scared,” Narcissa breathed through her tears, needing her sister to understand; needing her sister to _save_ her, even though Bellatrix had already done more than Narcissa could have ever hoped for, under the circumstances. “I’m so scared, Bella, I don’t know what to—!”

“…Narcissa?”

Narcissa nearly choked on her breath as she looked up, over her sister’s shoulder to see her husband standing in the threshold. He looked so terribly concerned by the sight that greeted him, and Narcissa untangled herself from Bellatrix’s embrace as she placed the back of her hand against her lips, trying to will herself to calm down. She hadn’t heard Lucius come down the stairs, and now she had no idea how to get out of this without telling him what was wrong. Because as she stood there crying in Bellatrix’s arms, it was more than obvious that _something_ was wrong, and Narcissa’s mind raced as she tried to figure out what to use as an excuse because she just wasn’t—she wasn’t _ready…_

“Narcissa, what— what is it?” Lucius asked, wasting no time crossing the space between them. He barely even regarded Bellatrix as being there as he wiped away another fallen tear from his wife’s face, his brow creasing in concern. Lucius’ long strands of hair, still wet from the quick shower he had had, hung around his face as his eyes searched hers. “What’s happened; what’s wrong? Did something…?” 

Narcissa opened her mouth to answer, hoping something believable would fall from her lips, but it was her sister who answered first. “Your wife is pregnant.”

Narcissa felt like she was about to collapse, but Bellatrix’s hand wrapped around her bicep right after she spoke, like she just _knew_ how that would affect her sister. Narcissa wanted to snap at her to not touch her, because how _dare_ she take it upon herself to tell her husband something like that, but in all honesty, she couldn’t speak. Her throat felt far too dry.

“You’re…?” Lucius breathed, surprise washing across his features as his eyes lit up. He looked elated by that news, so much that he didn’t question his wife’s tears nor the fact that Bellatrix was privy to the information before he himself was, and it practically broke Narcissa in half as Lucius brought her into his arms. “Darling, that’s wonderful!” he exclaimed, hugging her tight for a total of about four and a half seconds until suddenly the reality of what he was presented with seemed to hit him at once; his grip slacking, Lucius pulled away from his wife with a look of dread on his face. “Narcissa... why—why are you crying…?”

He looked terrified of the answer, and for good reason. 

Narcissa’s gaze hit the floor, and her voice broke in her throat as she demanded softly, “…Get out.” Lucius’s eyebrows rose, but it wasn’t him that she was speaking to. Turning a sharp gaze towards her sister, filled with fury and distress and everything else that was suffocating her due to Bellatrix’s inability to keep her sodding mouth shut, Narcissa exclaimed, “Out! Get out of my house, Bella!”

Bellatrix looked exasperated by the blonde’s reaction. In her mind, she apparently believed herself to be helping; after all, she probably doubted that Narcissa would ever be able to get there without a push, not after putting it off for this long. “Oh, calm down, Cissy; I wasn’t trying to—”

“This doesn’t concern you!” Narcissa snapped at her, practically shaking from head to toe; although from anger or fear, she wasn’t entirely certain. “I can’t believe you did that to me. That wasn’t your news to tell; now get out before I _force_ you out!”

Bellatrix’s jaw clenched, but she did not disobey her sister’s wishes. In the end, she did have enough sense to know that she didn’t belong here during this conversation; at least, not while they were trying to pretend that the baby was _Lucius’_. “Whatever. You’ll thank me for it later,” she responded flippantly before she turned on the spot, disapparating from their manor with a loud crack.

It sounded so similar to that part inside of Narcissa that was shattering. 

_Thank_ her? For what, forcing her to deal with something she wasn’t ready to face yet? Perhaps she did have a terrible habit of putting things off until the last moment and ultimately making things worse for herself, but she didn’t know how to _do_ anything else. Narcissa didn’t know how to function like some kind of stable, level-headed human being. She was a mess, and she would always _be_ a mess. That was just the way things were.

“…Narcissa?” Lucius asked, looking beyond terrified of whatever was terrifying his _wife_ about this pregnancy. It wasn’t exactly a secret anymore amongst the Death Eaters that Voldemort was taking children, and so Narcissa was certain that that’s where Lucius’ first thought went when he realized his wife was practically falling apart at the thought of a pregnancy. And God, he was right, he was _right…_ “What is it? What did you… what did you _do?!_ ”

He grasped onto her then, his touch bruising as his eyes begged for her to prove his theory wrong, and Narcissa couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t—she couldn’t do this to him, not right now, not… not ever. And so she couldn’t stop the lie that fell from her lips far too easily, for not having any forethought or plan. “I didn’t—I’m sorry, I just… my sister, she’s barren, and I…!”

Lucius blinked, his grip slackening as Narcissa’s words didn’t exactly fit with what he feared he would be told. “What?” he asked, now looking immensely confused. “What does Bellatrix have to do with…?”

“I told her because I… I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to—that I couldn’t carry a child to term, and I didn’t want to tell you in case I… in case…” But Narcissa couldn’t even finish her sentences. Half of her didn’t even know what it was that she was saying; words just kept falling from her lips without any thought or plan, and there was a small voice in the back of her mind that was screaming at her for continuing to do this. This was far past the point of sanity, and would no doubt only make it worse when Lucius finally knew the truth, but she couldn’t do this right now, she just _couldn’t!_

Lucius’ expression softened, probably understanding more of what Narcissa was trying to tell him than she did herself. “You didn’t want to tell me… in case you lost it?”

Narcissa nodded mutely, another tear slipping down her cheek as she continued to blatantly lie to her husband’s face. Bellatrix was going to kill her for doing this. _Lucius_ was going to break even further once he realized she lied to him, but Narcissa couldn’t stop herself; at the moment, this seemed far more preferable than the truth.

She had never made the best life decisions though.

“Narcissa…” Lucius breathed, wrapping his wife up in his arms as she continued to cry softly against his shoulder. “You shouldn’t have to carry around that fear alone. I’m your _husband;_ whatever happens, we’ll face it together.” Narcissa nodded her understanding, sniffling a bit as he pulled back and wiped another tear from her eye. “How far along are you?”

Narcissa swallowed, yet her voice still seemed to stick in her throat as she told him, “…Ten weeks.”

Lucius smiled, the expression lightning up his entire face as he pressed his palms against his wife’s cheeks, resting his forehead against hers. “Ten weeks is a long time,” he reminded her softly, trying to convince her that the likelihood of her losing the child would have probably occurred before then. Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure if that was true or not, but Lucius seemed to believe it anyhow. “Don’t worry,” he assured her. “I’ll get you the best midwife money can buy; I’ll check with a private Healer if there’s anything we can do to prevent miscarriages… _anything,_ alright? Whatever you need. We won’t lose this baby, Narcissa, I swear to you.”

He kissed her forehead then, and as another hot tear scorched its way down her cheek, Narcissa couldn’t help but wonder how she could keep doing these horrible things to him. For so long, Narcissa used to put herself on some kind of moral pedestal above her sister because Bellatrix was selfish, Bellatrix was _cruel_ , but what was this, if not both of those things as well?

And the worst part about it all was that even her sister, who was apparently just like her in all of the worst ways, didn’t even agree with what she had done.

“Have you lost your bloody _mind?!_ ” Bellatrix shrieked once Narcissa finally admitted the truth to her a few days later. Not by choice of course, but Bellatrix saw Lucius looking, quote, ‘much too happy for a man about to sacrifice their firstborn child’, and demanded to know what exactly Narcissa told him. Needless to say, she wasn’t very impressed by the choices her sister had been making lately.

“Honestly, what is _wrong_ with you?” Bellatrix hissed, her hand closing roughly around her sister’s wrist as she led her into her bedroom so as to not be overheard by Rodolphus, who was no doubt lurking around somewhere close by. After closing the door behind them, Bellatrix rounded on her as she demanded, “What, do you just _enjoy_ making things more difficult for yourself?”

“Of course I don’t!” Narcissa exclaimed, her chest compressing with upset as she wrenched her arm out of her sister’s grasp. “But I wasn’t ready, and what’s more is that you _knew_ I wasn’t ready to tell him yet! God, what you—what you _did_ to me was horrible, Bellatrix; and you know I don’t respond well to being forced into things, so what did you really expect?!” 

“For you to not be a sodding idiot for once!” Bellatrix shouted, looking at Narcissa like she couldn’t fathom how her brain worked anymore. “I mean, what do you expect to do here, pretend that you’re going to have this child with him and then tell him that you _lost_ it in child birth or something?”

Narcissa’s eyes widened, believing her sister may have just inadvertently given her a way out of all of this. Bellatrix however, noting this, shut this idea down immediately.

“ _No,_ ” she told her strongly, pointing at her to emphasize her point. “Not only would it be near-impossible to keep your prat of a husband out of the delivery room long enough for that to even work, you’d have to spend the next seven months playing ‘happy family’ with him. Do you understand what that means? That means _baby names,_ Cissy; that means fucking making up a nursery for this child you’re not even going to be able to keep, and God knows what the bloody hell else you’d need to do to prepare for that doomed thing inside of you. Your sanity wouldn’t be able to handle that.”

Something sick and heavy invaded Narcissa’s stomach at that thought, but she clenched her jaw and stood tall, determined to not let that affect her. “You don’t understand,” she told her, needing Bellatrix to see that this was about more than _her._ “I did this… I was the one who—this is _my_ burden to bear, Bella, not his! Lucius doesn’t deserve this, and if—if making it harder for myself makes it easier on him, then maybe I should just—”

“Make yourself go mental instead?” Bellatrix interrupted, scoffing. “Yeah, good plan.”

There was a part of Narcissa that agreed with her sister, that knew Bellatrix was right, and that she’d never be able to go through with this; that, eventually, something would happen that would break her. But she had to try, she just _had_ to. And so she just looked the brunette dead in the eyes, leveled her voice and tried to appear confident in her ability to stay sane and told her, “You don’t know what I can handle.” 

Bellatrix, however, just looked amused by that statement. “You think I don’t know you?” she countered, like the thought was ludicrous. Perhaps it was. “Mark my words, Cissy. This little charade of yours? It won’t last more than a few months. In the end, Lucius is either going to say or do something that’s going to make you feel so guilty that you can’t bear it anymore, and it will all come spilling out of you.” 

Bellatrix touched her face then, cupping it in a way that Narcissa wished felt comforting, but instead seemed rather condescending. “You’ve never been good at keeping secrets, love.” Her thumb traced the blonde’s cheekbone then as Bellatrix finished pointedly, her eyebrows rising, “Especially not your own.”

And although Narcissa knew that to be true, she prayed that her sister was wrong. 

In the end though, Bellatrix had always known her better than she knew herself. Two months passed and although it had been difficult, Narcissa had fought through each and every urge to break down, and managed to continue on with her lie. It felt like it was tearing her apart inside – every time she saw her husband’s face light up at the thought of ‘their’ child – but Narcissa convinced herself to look at the bigger picture and kept her silence, bottling up her pain and secrets inside of her.

Until one bright, shining morning in early June.

Narcissa awoke with a soft kiss on her cheek, the gesture causing her to stir softly from beneath the large duvet. “Wake up,” Lucius breathed against her ear, causing Narcissa to shiver slightly from the feeling as she rolled over on her back, opening her eyes to blink up at her husband. He was smiling; looking happy, excited. “I have a surprise for you.”

“You do?” Narcissa tentatively asked, trying to come off as mildly surprised and hopeful instead of worried about what it might be. She prayed it had nothing to do with the baby; she couldn’t deal with something like that first thing in the morning when it took all of her effort each day not to break down. Still, she might be overthinking this; Lucius had been much more attentive to her lately, and perhaps it was merely a romantic gesture. While that would still fill her with guilt, considering the magnitude of the secret she was currently hiding from him, it would still be more preferable than anything else.

Lucius held out his hand in offering and as Narcissa sat up and took it in her own, he pulled her out of bed and said, “Come on.” The smile did not leave his face.

Narcissa tried to respond with her own in kind, but she knew it didn’t reach her eyes. Lucius didn’t seem to notice this though and merely held tight to her hand as he led her to one of their many empty bedrooms. The feeling of dread in Narcissa’s stomach began to grow tenfold at the direction they were heading, and she knew what it was before Lucius even opened the door. She tried to mentally prepare herself for this, but in the end it was far too early in the morning for her to put up her usual façade; and to be quite honest, _nothing_ could have prepared her for what was on the other side of that door anyway.

It was… _breathtaking._ Something that, should they truly be having this child together, Narcissa would have loved and rejoiced in, but because they weren’t… because they _weren’t,_ the sight that greeted Narcissa practically crippled her. 

Previously, the room had been very bare; they hadn’t even opted to paint it or do anything substantial to it until they decided on what they would use it for, but now it was completely redone. The walls were painted a gender-ambiguous pale green with a slightly darker carpet to match. There were beautiful drapes and toys of all variety scattered in every corner of the room, but the thing that held Narcissa’s attention the most was the beautiful, ornately crafted crib in the back center of the room, with a gorgeous mobile of the moon and stars above it and, oh God, Lucius was smiling and happy and clearly couldn’t _wait_ to introduce their child to its new bedroom and Narcissa… Narcissa couldn’t take it anymore.

She began to openly weep, unable to stop herself.

Lucius believed them to be happy tears though and wrapped his arms around her from behind, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek as he breathed, “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I think our child will be pleased to call this home; I’ve spared no expense, everything is top of the line… perhaps it’ll end up rather spoiled, but weren’t we all?” He chuckled a little, not noticing how his wife was practically falling apart in his arms. He smiled, gently stroking the small bump of his wife’s stomach. “Nothing is too good for our baby, Narcissa. Everything it’ll want, it will have; of that I promise you.”

No, it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t have anything at all, most of all a _life._ And it was that… _that_ revelation that finally broke the pregnant woman completely in half.

“Oh God, I can’t…” Narcissa whispered through her tears, her sobs becoming more predominant as she struggled to breathe through the force of her tears. Lucius’ brow knitted in confusion, clearly not expecting this kind of reaction. But Narcissa could barely see him as she repeated, full of sorrow and apology, “I _can’t—_ I can’t do this anymore, Lucius; I’m—I’m _sorry_ … I’m so sorry…” 

She couldn’t stand there any longer and allow Lucius to get so wrapped up in something that he would never have. She couldn’t stand here and participate in a charade that would make the loss of his child so much worse; because this would, wouldn’t it? Narcissa had believed before that it would be better not to tell him, to make him think that they just lost the baby in childbirth, but people fall so much harder after they build something up in their minds, do they not? She couldn’t let Lucius do that anymore; perhaps if she just put a stop to this, then Lucius would have time to come to terms with the loss of their child, instead of the devastation hitting him all at once.

Lucius pulled away from her then, this horrified look on his face as he heard his wife’s words. “What… what are you talking about? _What can't you do?_ ” he asked, sounding more terrified than anything to ask, but with the way Narcissa was shaking and crying, Lucius had to know it was something horrible. “Narcissa!” he pleaded, grasping onto her arm and giving her this look that begged for her to tell him that everything was fine; that she was just being hormonal and crazy and whatever else that didn’t spell their looming emotional devastation.

“I’m sorry…” Narcissa whispered regrettably, her cheeks stained with tears as she covered her mouth with her hand momentarily, just trying to inhale a breath that wasn’t shaking and weak. “I tried to—I didn’t want to tell you, I thought… I thought that maybe if I—if I told you that it died during childbirth that it would be easier on you, but…”

Lucius’ face paled to a deathly white as he quickly stepped away from Narcissa like she had suddenly become a contagion. “No. You didn’t…” he breathed, looking horrified and disbelieving as he tried desperately to hold onto the one shred of hope he had that maybe he was reading this situation entirely wrong. His eyes began to well over with tears, and Narcissa didn’t think she could break even further, but seeing her husband begin to _cry_ was not something she was emotionally equipped to deal with. “Narcissa… Narcissa, _tell_ me that you didn’t!”

Because he knew what she had done; had feared it once before, but she had lied to him then. She couldn't lie to him now though. Not anymore.

Narcissa exhaled another shuddered sob as she looked at him, her gaze begging for forgiveness that she knew she should never be allotted. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered, needing him to know that she felt remorse for doing this; it had torn her apart for years now, and this had never been a decision that she reached easily. “I’m _so_ sorry… with everything that I am, Lucius, I am sorrier than you could _ever_ understand, but I needed to—God, I needed to save her…! He wouldn’t do anything unless I… I…”

Lucius looked confused at first, not understanding at all what she was referring to, but then it hit him; and oh God, when it hit him, it hit him _hard._ Suddenly his devastation was channeled into anger, the betrayal he felt being etched across his expression as he practically manhandled his wife against the door frame. As Lucius had never laid a hand on her in anger before, Narcissa was nearly struck mute, but it didn’t matter much anyhow considering Lucius had a _slew_ of colorful things to say to her after that. 

“You sold our child for _her?!_ ” he screamed, enraged by the information. His touch was forceful, bruising, and yet even in his rage he was still much gentler than Bellatrix ever was. Perhaps that was just because she was pregnant though; doomed child or not, Lucius no doubt couldn’t bring himself to accidentally hurt what she was carrying. “ _Her,_ of all fucking people— Jesus _Christ_ Narcissa, you… you sold it to mend her mind, didn’t you?! That’s the only thing that you would have— _Tell me!_ ”

Narcissa said nothing; she just choked back a sob and covered her mouth with her hand. That was about as good as an answer as any however, and Lucius looked at her like she had cut him more deeply than any treachery he had ever felt in his entire life.

“God, I was wondering why he just—and that was… that was _years_ ago!” Lucius continued, the expression of hurt and disbelief on his face growing more predominant as he began to realize how deeply seeded this betrayal truly was, and how far back all of this ran. “It was… Jesus, _six;_ six bloody fucking years and you didn’t say _anything!_ You just— you just let me _marry_ you, without bothering to inform me that you already sold a part of yourself like some common whore?!”

“I… I didn’t…” Narcissa tried, but she couldn’t really formulate sentences anyway; she was crying too hard. She wanted to tell him that she didn’t sell the part of her that would actually _make_ her a whore, but she doubted Lucius would care anyway; he just wanted her to feel dirty and ashamed for what she had done, regardless of the accuracy of it. “I thought I had… I wanted to fix—”

“What, you thought you could _fix_ it?” Lucius responded, his tone scathing and mocking. His eyes were alight with anger, but they also swam with tears that refused to fall. “Yeah, great job doing that; I can see that you put all of your effort into not making something like this come to pass. _Well done._ ”

“I _did!_ ” Narcissa shouted, refusing to let him believe that she stood by all these years and did nothing. Perhaps she did try to ignore it before in the hopes that it would go away, but she put herself through hell this past year finally trying to figure out a way to fix this. “You have no _idea_ what I’ve done to try to make this right, but this was my only option, Lucius! I had to give him a child, even if it wasn’t ours; if I didn’t, he would have hunted us down—!”

But Lucius froze at a particular part in that sentence, staring at Narcissa like he wasn’t sure if he was reading through the lines correctly. “What the hell do you mean, ‘even if it wasn’t ours’?” Narcissa was decidedly silent, not knowing what to say to him; she knew Bellatrix told her not to, but maybe… maybe if he just knew that he wasn’t giving up _his_ child, then maybe… “ _Are you carrying someone else’s child?!_ ” Lucius roared, looking positively murderous at the thought that someone else had violated his wife.

“No!” Narcissa exclaimed automatically, even though that wasn’t true in the slightest. She tried to backtrack though with the frantic explanation of, “Well, _yes_ , but—but I swear to you, I wasn’t unfaithful!” Another lie, but one she told often enough that she could make it sound true. “The child isn’t mine either,” Narcissa told him, desperately grasping onto Lucius’ hands. She needed him to understand that this wasn’t what he thought. “It’s neither of ours, I’m just—it’s just _inside_ of me, and so we only have to—”

“What…?” Lucius asked, now looking more perplexed than anything else. He still looked angry of course, as he no doubt rightfully should, but at the moment he didn’t seem to be able to make heads or tails of what Narcissa was telling him. Untangling his hands from his wife’s, Lucius took a step backwards and asked, “What are you talking about? Are you… _surrogating_ for someone, or… or what the hell are you—?!”

“It’s… complicated,” Narcissa tried, not really knowing how to explain it. She was desperate to though, needing Lucius to understand that she wasn’t sacrificing _their_ child. It was the only comfort she could give him in that moment. “Bella, she— she wanted to help, so she… she did this spell, so that instead of giving the Dark Lord our child, I would be giving birth to _her—_ ”

But that was all Lucius heard. Once he heard Bellatrix’s name being thrown into all of this, he could see past nothing else. He stepped away from her, his expression hard and his lips pursed into a thin line. “You’re… you mean to tell me that you’re carrying your _sister’s_ child right now?” His tone was laced with an accusation that sounded almost dangerous with his barely contained fury, and Narcissa felt herself shrink a bit in the wake of her husband’s untethered rage. 

She said nothing, but apparently that spoke volumes.

“That… that _sick fucking bitch_ ,” Lucius breathed, positively enraged. He was breathing heavily, his entire body tense and ready for a fight he clearly intended on having. “—I’m going to kill her.” And with that he disapparated, leaving Narcissa in the middle of the nursery with nothing but her guilt and crippling anxiety before she desperately followed suit, knowing exactly where Lucius was heading. She didn’t even bother getting dressed, but it didn’t matter because the front door to Bellatrix’s house was already wide open anyway, allowing Narcissa to steal inside before the rest of the world saw her in her negligée. 

“—You impregnated my _wife?_ ” Lucius roared just as Narcissa rushed in after him, past the confused house elf (number three, was it now?) that had let them both inside. Narcissa found her husband in the parlor facing Bellatrix and, unfortunately, Rodolphus as well, who suddenly began laughing so hard at the information he had just been given that he nearly fell off his damn chair. 

Everyone stared at him. Bellatrix looked positively murderous, Narcissa looked like she was about to be ill, and Lucius… well, Lucius just looked utterly perplexed by the man's reaction.

“You think this is _funny?_ ” Lucius furiously exclaimed, looking at his brother-in-law with a disbelieving expression. Apparently, he always figured that Rodolphus would be on his side. Whatever this was though, this wasn’t Rodolphus taking sides; this was just him… laughing.

He looked like Christmas had come early, and that terrified Narcissa. The man might not be able to explicitly say anything to Lucius, but he already knew far too much. Apparently, to him this situation looked like somewhat of an opening, and that in no way boded well for the two former Blacks.

“First of all, _you,_ ” Bellatrix warned, pointing at her husband, “need to shut your mouth; this doesn’t concern you. And _you_ ,” she continued, her finger now trained on Lucius as she stood from her chair, no doubt needing to be at level height with the man who had stormed into her house to shout at her, “do yourself a favor and take a sodding breath before you pop an aneurism in the middle of my bloody parlor; you have no idea what you’re screaming about because believe me, if you did, you would be thanking me right about now.” 

Lucius’ entire face went red with anger at that, but Bellatrix ignored him and trained her gaze on Narcissa instead. Briefly looking her up and down before exhaling an irritated breath, Bellatrix snapped her fingers; the house elf apparated at her side instantly. “And you, elf… get my sister a robe so she’s not practically flashing all of us during this conversation, would you?” 

Her eyebrow quirked and Narcissa flushed as everyone’s gaze turned towards her. It wasn’t as though her negligée was terribly risqué by any means – it did cover her breasts, after all – but the rest of it _was_ fairly sheer, and her thinly cut panties were very visible underneath the fabric. Narcissa tried to cover herself as best she could with her hands as her sister gave her a look of utter irritation; apparently, Bellatrix had decided to blame her for accidentally parading her sex life with Lucius in front of her face or something, as though she had done this on purpose.

“Had fun last night, did you?” Bellatrix deadpanned, which made Narcissa shoot her a disbelieving look. What, did she honestly think that she ran out of her house in indecent attire just to make her _jealous?_ Her cheeks were splotchy and her eyes were red and, God damnit, she felt like she was falling apart and _this_ was the conversation they were having right now?!

“Really? Of all the things to focus on right now, and you choose _that?_ ” Narcissa seethed, infuriated that that’s what her sister deemed important in this moment. But she didn’t have much time to dwell on it though as, thankfully, the elf returned fairly quickly, bearing a robe. Narcissa snatched up immediately. “Thank you,” she said to the creature as she pulled it around her less-than-appropriate wardrobe choice for this little outing. The house elf grinned at her, happy to be of service, before disapparating with another crack.

“You are _sick,_ ” Lucius seethed, pointing towards Bellatrix, apparently determined not to be swayed by any conversational distractions. “Don’t think I don’t know why you did this—”

“To save you and my sister from any emotional trauma?” Bellatrix snapped, interrupted him. “Yes, and _generally_ that warrants a ‘thank you’. Or, I’m sorry, did you _want_ to sacrifice your first born? Because I’m confused here, Lucius.” Lucius’ lips pursed into a thin line, but he said nothing; perhaps not having an argument for that, yet not wanting _this_ to be the solution to their problem all the same. “If you really wanted to kill your own kid that badly then go right the fuck ahead and abort mine so you can stick your own doomed fetus inside of her,” Bellatrix finished, quirking an irritated eyebrow as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Doesn’t bother me any.”

The amount of sarcasm dripping off every word made Narcissa cringe, but it made Rodolphus’ eyes widen as he realized what they were speaking about. “You promised your child to the Dark Lord?” he breathed, looking surprised beyond measure that _they_ , of all people, would do such a thing. But then he looked towards his wife, realizing what else that meant, and for the first time in a long time he looked almost _happy_ as he finished, “And you plan to defy him, don’t you…?”

Bellatrix’s wand was out and pointed at him before Rodolphus even had a chance to move. Her husband made a strangled choking sound as he seemed to be almost lifted off his feet by whatever nonverbal spell Bellatrix had thrown at him, and her eyes were almost black as she approached him. “Don’t make me make you take another Vow, Rodolphus, because a few more and you’ll be getting to the point where you can’t even utter a singular _sound_ without the fear of dying where you stand.”

“You fuck me, you fuck _all_ of us,” Bellatrix harshly reminded him. Rodolphus responded with another strangled choking sound, grasping desperately at the invisible ropes around his own neck. “And I don’t think even innocent little Cissy would let you live for such a betrayal. Besides, no one would believe how I _truly_ achieved this anyhow; I’ve resurrected a dead art, triumphed where many in this day and age have failed… so unless you want me to name _you_ as that child’s father, I suggest that you—”

“Wait a second, he’s _not?_ ” Lucius asked, apparently having already reached the conclusion that they were all in on this together. He was quickly finding out that was not the case, however. “Then who the bloody hell did you _use?!_ ”

“Nobody!” Bellatrix snapped, before her eyes fell on Narcissa and she continued, “Jesus, Cissy; if you were going to open your fat mouth and fuck us all, the least you could have done is tell him the whole story.”

“It isn’t as though he gave me much of a chance!” Narcissa exclaimed, not fond of getting blamed for that. “The second he heard _your_ name in all of this, he rushed over here! Believe me, this wasn’t what I sodding wanted, alright?” More choking sounds came from the man being held by the spell then, and Narcissa, impatient, practically stomped her foot before she shouted, “And for Christ’s sake, will you please let Rodolphus go before you _kill_ him?!”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes at her attitude, but with one flick of her wand the man crumpled into a ball on the floor, coughing as he struggled to breathe. “You act like that would be some kind of _loss._ ”

“It would raise questions, you simpleminded prat,” Narcissa snapped, infuriated and upset and everything in between. Gesturing wildly with one hand at the four inhabitants in the room, the blonde finished pointedly, “And the last thing any of us need right now is your precious little _Lord_ snooping around our business!”

That, at least, rendered Bellatrix temporarily silent. She knew she was right. Unfortunately though, so did Rodolphus, who laughed weakly from his position on the floor. “You hear that, you mad bimbo? Even your leash-bearer says you can’t kill me…”

Panic struck Narcissa then, realizing she inadvertently gave Rodolphus a reason to betray them; after all, if he felt safe, then he had no reason to keep his mouth shut about all of this. And so without thought, Narcissa immediately looked dead at her sister and instructed, “—Torture him.” 

Bellatrix’s expression broke out in a large grin, looking like she had just been given the world’s greatest gift. She wasted no time throwing the Cruciatus Curse at him and as Rodolphus screamed in pain, Lucius grasped onto his wife’s arm, looking absolutely flabbergasted by Narcissa’s unhesitant cruelty. “ _Narcissa!_ ”

“Do you understand what will happen if he tells the Dark Lord what we’ve done?!” Narcissa frantically shouted, rounding on her husband as she ripped her arm out of his grasp. “He’ll kill us all! Look at what happened to Gwendolyn, Lucius; look at what happens to those who betray him! We need to force Rodolphus to take the Unbreakable Vow, or else—”

“You… _idiotic_ child…” Rodolphus struggled to breathe once the curse had momentarily ended. He sounded weak, out of breath, yet he seemed to have been getting rather used to his wife’s curses, as he did not collapse onto the floor in pain and exhaustion. “Bellatrix is… my _sodding_ responsibility. Whatever she… whatever the bloody hell she did… it’s on me as well…!”

Narcissa’s head snapped up to look at her sister, who just rolled her eyes a bit and shrugged. Apparently, a part of her agreed with Rodolphus’ deduction, but it was clear she’d much rather torture him instead. “It’s… _possible_ that He’d blame Rodolphus as well,” she admitted, although sounded loathed to do so. “Still, we shouldn’t leave anything to chance, Cissy—”

“Of course… of _course_ he’d bloody blame me!” Rodolphus spat, looking infuriated at being subjected to yet another round of torture from his wife as he tried to hoist himself off the floor. His arms shook, but he was managing. “I’m… I am your _husband;_ whatever you’ve done, you’ve fucked me to!”

“Now…” he panted, getting to his feet before he rounded on his wife. “Do me a bloody favor, and _stop_ trying to make me take the Unbreakable sodding Vow for every goddamn secret that I know about you. Just fucking tell Lucius and I what the bloody hell you both have done, so maybe we can find a way to fix whatever _idiotic_ thing you both managed to screw up this time!”

“I screwed up nothing—!”

Bellatrix was interrupted however. Since this was the second time the previous Unbreakable Vow had been mentioned, Lucius seemed to actually process the information this time and turned towards Rodolphus as he demanded, “Wait, she’s forced you under a Vow before? What the bloody hell _for?_ ” 

His gaze shifted to Narcissa then, no doubt thinking things he was _supposed_ to have let go a long time ago. Narcissa paled, but Bellatrix just looked infuriated by the interruption. God, why did they not include in the terms of the Vow that Rodolphus couldn’t mention that he was _under_ one?! It was foolish of them not to think of something like that before a situation like this came to pass.

Rodolphus however, just looked at Lucius like he had to be thick for asking that kind of question. “Well I can’t bloody tell you that, now can I, mate?”

Lucius looked a little perturbed by his attitude, but seemed to realize his question _was_ rather stupid before he rounded on his wife. “What the hell has been going on in this family that I don’t know about?!”

“I don’t know!” Narcissa exclaimed, hoping she didn’t look as panicked as she felt. “Whatever they’re talking about, that’s between my sister and her husband; it isn’t any of our business, and it certainly doesn’t have anything to do with why we’re all here right now, so could we please focus for a moment?! This is _serious!_ ”

“Yes, I’d say the fact that your psychotically possessive sister managed to find a way to knock you up is _very_ serious,” Lucius snapped, at least letting the Unbreakable Vow thing go for now as his hatred and rage pointed back towards Bellatrix. “How can you not see that she only did this so she could have that part of you _first?_ She’s sick, Narcissa; this whole _thing_ is sick!”

“ _What?_ ” Narcissa exclaimed, looking at Lucius like he had to be joking, despite knowing that, on some level, it might be partially true. In the end though, that wasn’t the most important factor here. “This isn’t some kind of… _fucked up competition,_ Lucius! Bellatrix was trying to help—!”

“Is no one else still wondering who the hell the father of this bloody kid is, because I feel like we’re overlooking a very large issue here,” Rodolphus snapped, looking infuriated that they all weren’t focusing on what he deemed to be the most important problem at the moment. “If a third party knows about what you two idiots have done—”

“Will all of you just _shut up?!_ ” Bellatrix shouted, looking enraged by everyone practically shouting over one another. “I already said there isn’t one, now be quiet so Cissy and I can explain, will you?!”

“What the hell do you mean, ‘there isn’t one’?” Rodolphus interjected, of course not listening to his wife’s request for silence. “Perhaps basic biology escapes you, Bellatrix, but even you should realize that you need both a man and a woman to procreate.”

“Not if you’re me.”

Rodolphus snorted. “What, did you suddenly grow a cock when I wasn’t looking?”

Bellatrix outright laughed at that. “Don’t act like you even have the pleasure of looking lately, Rodolphus; you wouldn’t know what I have down there anyway.” The man’s ears grew red at that as he glared at her, apparently not fond of Bellatrix outing the fact that they don’t even have sex anymore to Lucius, apparently not realizing that Narcissa’s husband already knew his sister-in-law was a lesbian. Narcissa just looked disbelievingly at them both however, hardly able to believe that they were actually having this kind of conversation right now. 

“Blood magic, okay?!” Narcissa practically shouted, since apparently Bellatrix would rather goad her husband than actually inform him of anything useful. “She… she used Blood Magic; that’s how this child was conceived.”

Silence.

…And then all hell broke loose.

“You did _what?_ ” Lucius roared, looking positively murderous that Bellatrix would ever do something of that caliber to his wife. At the very same time however, Rodolphus practically shoved his wife as he shouted, “Have you gone completely _mental?_ No one’s used Blood Magic for centuries, Bellatrix! We don’t toy with forces like that for a bloody reason; what the hell are you trying to _do?_ ” 

“Get your hands off me, lest you wish for me to remove them from your body permanently!” Bellatrix snapped, wrenching away from her husband as she shot him a look of utmost loathing. “And perhaps simple-minded cretins like yourselves don’t, but I’m very well-versed in the subject. Do you honestly think I would put my sister at risk like that if I wasn’t? It’s perfectly safe, and as you can see, Narcissa is _fine._ ”

“You… _idiot_ woman,” Rodolphus spat. “She may be fine, but the same can’t be said for whatever child you put inside of her! What if the thing comes out deformed or, Christ, even _soulless?_ Blood Magic is dangerous, and much darker than anything we usually dabble in, Bellatrix!”

Narcissa blanched as she instinctively cradled her stomach. She hadn’t known those kinds of risks were involved but then again, she wasn’t surprised that Bellatrix hadn’t told her; it seemed she had kept quite a lot about this ritual hidden from her.

Bellatrix, however, just looked bored by the accusations thrown at her. “Well if it does, then it would be a good thing that it was being offered up as a sacrifice, would it not? Honestly, it’s like neither of you think sometimes.”

“You may have put something soulless and evil inside of my wife, and you think _we’re_ the ones with a head not attached to our shoulders?!” Lucius shouted, looking as though he would like nothing more than to rip Bellatrix’s head from her shoulders. “You know as well as I what the Dark Lord is doing with those children! What do you think’s going to happen if he realizes it doesn’t have a _soul?!_ ”

Narcissa, who was about four seconds from emptying her stomach all over the floor, suddenly looked up at her husband sharply, the sickness all but forgotten. “What?” she demanded, grasping onto Lucius’ robes. “Lucius, _what is he doing with the children?!”_

She hadn’t thought he had known. She hadn’t thought _any_ of them knew. But now Bellatrix stood there, her lips pursed into a thin line as she realized Lucius had a point, and Narcissa felt like she couldn’t breathe. Why hadn’t she told her what would happen?!

“…That’s not going to happen,” Bellatrix told him strongly, not even sparing her sister a glance. “I did everything right; the child will be fine.”

“You better hope so,” Rodolphus responded darkly, suddenly looking awfully concerned about the outcome of all of this; not just for their sake, but for his own. “Or it’s all of our heads.”

“I’m not an idiot, Rodolphus; I know the basic rules of magic!” Bellatrix snapped, infuriated with having her abilities being questioned. “I traded one soul for the creation of another; the balance has been kept, that thing inside of her will be _fine,_ so let it lie!”

“You— _who?_ ” Rodolphus demanded, apparently worried that he would have to clean up yet another one of his wife’s messes.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Some Order wanker; it’s unimportant. No one will ever find his body.”

Narcissa, however, was barely listening to them. “Lucius, _tell me what happens to the children!_ ” The blonde hit her husband’s shoulder as hard as she could, demanding answers that she knew she would not be given. Out of her peripheral, Narcissa saw her sister shake her head.

“Don’t,” she warned him. “You know as well as I that she won’t be able to handle it right now.”

“ _That’s not for you to decide!_ ” Narcissa shrieked, rounding on her sister. “I deserve to know what’s going to happen to my baby—!”

“Thought it wasn’t your baby,” Rodolphus interjected, shooting a look at Narcissa like he knew something that she didn’t. Narcissa faulted for a moment at the truth in that statement, but before she could respond, Bellatrix was already speaking.

“It’s _not,_ ” she snapped, before rounding on her sister. “It’s mine, and mine alone. Therefore, I forbid you to know the fate of it, because it doesn’t even bloody matter—”

“Bullshit,” Rodolphus interrupted. “You’re really sticking to the story that this child has no other parent? What, are you claiming you _cloned_ yourself now?” He laughed like that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard, and Bellatrix glowered.

“That is _exactly_ what I—”

“Cloning isn’t possible, you deluded wench!”

“You don’t fucking know what is or isn’t possible!” Bellatrix shouted, infuriated at being questioned. “What do you know about Blood Magic, Rodolphus? You probably couldn’t even read the script it’s in!”

“Enough, both of you!” Lucius shouted, fed up with their bickering. “Bellatrix, despite my hesitancy to believe anything that you say, I _am_ aware that if you were just using my wife as a surrogate, there would have been much easier ways to do so. And in all honesty, so long as this… this _abomination_ has no part of my wife and I; I really do not care anymore how it came to be. It’ll serve its purpose, and that’s enough.”

Narcissa looked aghast by Lucius’ uncaring attitude towards this child; in a way, it was as though he didn’t even believe it to be human. Blood Magic or not though, Narcissa… she _knew_ that it was; she could feel it inside of her, and it wasn’t something dark, it wasn’t something _evil._ It was alive, and it was _human_ , and Lucius acting as though it was nothing but a means to an end devastated her. 

But how could he ever understand that? And even if he did, how could he ever _accept_ that? Narcissa was beginning to wonder if this was Lucius’ own way of coping with all of this; distancing himself from the reality of it all, and painting the child out to be nothing more than some kind of demon who should be killed for the good of society anyhow.

Bellatrix quirked an eyebrow at Lucius though, realizing that despite everything, there was a part of him that was finally accepting the fact that this was happening; and that, perhaps, in the end, this really was the best route to take. “I take it you’re done shouting at me over this then? Honestly, why you still refuse to believe that I have Narcissa’s best interests at heart, I’ll never understand.”

Lucius’ expression darkened as he looked at his sister-in-law. “Your half-cocked solution to this may be saving us from sacrificing our own child, but I am nowhere _near_ thanking you for it,” he told her, his tone harsh and expression hard. “What you did was not only reckless, but _dangerous._ Despite your assurances that everything will be fine, we have no idea what’s going to come out of Narcissa now, and that’s on _you._ And instead of talking to me about it, _either_ of you,” he amended, now turning to glare at his wife who looked away, ashamed and guilty, “you took it upon yourselves to find a solution to a problem that I had every right to know about _first!_ ”

“And don’t you sodding think for a moment that I don’t know why you didn’t come to me before you did this,” Lucius continued, although he was only looking at Bellatrix this time; accusing her, blaming her. “Don’t you ever fucking think that I don’t know that a part of you just _loves_ the fact that Narcissa’s having your child—”

“Lucius!” Narcissa protested, trying to sound infuriated that he was bringing this shit up again, but she felt too guilty and ashamed of herself that it barely had any strength behind it.

“No!” Lucius shouted, looking at his wife while he furiously pointed at the woman across the room. “Stop bloody protecting her! I am not stupid, and I’m certainly not _blind!_ The way she looks at you isn’t normal, Narcissa, and despite what you’d like me to believe, it hasn’t stopped ever since she got her ‘sanity’ back, so your bloody little excuses for her aren’t—!”

“I told you to _drop this!_ ” Narcissa practically shrieked, shoving him hard with both of her hands. She was breathing heavily, but thankfully her panic just looked like anger. “That wasn’t a bloody suggestion, so unless you’d like to lose everything that we—!”

“You sold our child and lied to me about it for six years, Narcissa; _don’t you dare threaten me right now!_ ” Lucius bellowed, and suddenly it was as though the blonde woman’s voice had completely left her as she practically choked on the words in her throat. Tears welled up in her eyes at the reality that, despite Lucius’ tentative agreement to this plan, he was _far_ from forgiving her for this betrayal, and Narcissa couldn’t find it within herself to argue with him. She didn’t deserve to, not after what she had done.

“Oh, for _fuck’s_ sake,” Bellatrix seethed, fed up with the accusations herself. So much, it seemed, that it caused her to do something incredibly stupid. “Fine, would you like the truth?” she snapped, marching right up into Lucius’ personal space as she stared him down, unblinking. “If Narcissa wasn’t my sister, I would _absolutely_ fuck her.”

Narcissa’s hand went to her mouth as she gasped, hoping beyond anything that she had just hallucinated what her sister had just said to her husband. Lucius however, looked like he had just choked on his own breath at the bluntness of that statement, while Rodolphus’ eyes bugged out of his skull, apparently not expecting Bellatrix to ever _admit_ to something like that; especially not after she had forced him to take the Unbreakable Vow.

The worst of it though, was that Bellatrix wasn’t finished. “I’d make her come in ways she could never even imagine, and in ways I know an unimaginative little simpleton like you would never be able to achieve,” she hissed, her eyes blackening with challenge as she looked up at him. “You could never hold a _candle_ to what I could make her feel, Lucius. Believe me on that.”

“But she _is_ my sister,” Bellatrix continued, before anyone could get out a word edgewise. To be fair though, the lot of them were still in a state of shock from her admission. “And despite whatever you may believe about me, despite all the fucked up things I may desire, I will not touch her because of that. I love Narcissa more than anything in the world. She saved my _life,_ do you understand that? I would never force myself on her; I’d fucking kill myself first.”

“You’re…” Lucius began, looking almost flabbergasted by the confirmation of what he had suspected, but never believed would be confirmed. For a moment there, Narcissa thought he was going to call her sick, or deranged, or _something,_ but the only thing that came out of his mouth was, “Oh my god, you’re… _you’re fucking in love with her._ ”

Narcissa’s choked back a sob as her eyes began to well up with tears, looking at her sister with this helpless expression that screamed, ‘why are you doing this?!’ She might not be admitting the whole truth, but she was admitting enough to damage them. But Bellatrix wouldn’t even spare her a glance; instead she continued to look directly at Lucius as she admitted in a rather flat sounding voice, “…Yes.”

“Bella, _stop!_ ” Narcissa begged, tears spilling down her cheeks as she tried to grasp for her sister. “Stop it, why are you doing this?! He’s never going to allow me to see you again if you—!”

“I’ll stop seeing you when _you_ tell me to stop, not when someone else does,” Bellatrix responded, her eyes hard as she continued to stare at Lucius in challenge. The man didn’t really seem to be able to speak though; he kept opening his mouth and closing it, unable to figure out how he was supposed to react to something like that. Bellatrix quirked an eyebrow at him.

“So are you happy now?” she asked, her jaw tensing as she continued to stare up at him. “There’s the bloody truth for you. I’m fucked up; congratulations on figuring out something that was _blaringly_ obvious anyhow. But in case you seemed to miss the entire point of all of this, tell me Lucius, since you know how it feels to be in love as well, would _you_ ever hurt the person you care that deeply for?” Lucius said nothing, but he didn’t have to. They both knew the answer to that question anyhow. “Well neither would I.”

Lucius released a breath he seemed to have been holding then, looking at Bellatrix like he couldn’t believe that this actually happened. “You… Jesus Christ, you’re so…” But it seemed Lucius couldn’t come up with a word adequate enough to express how disgusted he was by her, especially when it seemed like Bellatrix already acknowledged that she knew there was something wrong with her for it. It probably seemed pointless, and so Lucius turned his attention to his wife and asked, “You _knew_ about this?”

“Of course she bloody knew,” Bellatrix snapped, like he had to be thick to ever believe otherwise. “What, do you think I’ve never propositioned her? Please.”

Lucius’ eyes went wide at that, and Narcissa’s mouth dropped open as she protested, “ _Bella!_ ” God, what was she doing? Bellatrix must believe that telling him all this would somehow _help,_ but right then she couldn’t, for the life of her, figure out what her sister’s angle was.

“ _But she said no,_ ” Bellatrix continued, her eyes still trained on Lucius as she lied to his face; at least about that aspect of it, anyhow. “She said no, and I dropped it. As I said before, I love her far too much to ever hurt her, and so if she doesn’t want me, then I’m not going to force her to have me. You can think anything you want about me, Lucius; you can think I’m disgusting and unnatural and you know what? Maybe you’re right about that; but don’t you ever believe for a _second_ that I would do something Narcissa didn’t want me to. She’s safe with me; she’s _always_ been safe with me.”

Lucius didn’t seem to know how to dispute that, as no matter what else he seemed to think about this, he could still hear the passion and truth behind Bellatrix’s words. In the end, a part of him seemed to realize that regardless of how screwed up all of this was, Bellatrix would never do something that Narcissa didn’t consent to. The thing of it was though, she already had; everything that Bellatrix had offered her, everything that she admitted to wanting to do to her little sister… had already come to pass. Apparently however, Bellatrix didn’t want him to know that; it was as though she was falling on some kind of proverbial sword for her, putting all the attention on how _she_ looked at Narcissa, so that Lucius would never think to look at how _Narcissa_ looked at her in kind.

“…You’re awfully quiet about all of this,” Lucius said instead, his voice flat and rather lifeless as he stared past Bellatrix to look at her husband. Rodolphus was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed in front of his chest with a rather sour look on his face; no doubt he believed with the way this conversation was going that he’d be released from his Vow – at least in front of Lucius – but unfortunately for him, he still knew the absolute truth of it all, whereas Lucius only knew a sliver. In the end, it still forced Rodolphus to hold his silence on his true opinion on the matter, and he was clearly unhappy about that.

“Why do you think?” Rodolphus asked flatly, his eyebrow rising as Lucius seemed to put the pieces together.

“Shit,” he breathed. “ _That’s_ what she Vowed you to silence about? You knew she was in love with Narcissa.” Lucius exhaled a hard breath, looking completely overwhelmed by all of this as he tangled his fingers in his hair, tensing his jaw and shaking his head. He was still angry, that much was obvious, but it seemed he didn’t even know what to do with that anger anymore.

“Lucius…” Narcissa tried softly, reaching out to him. She had to say something, she had to _do_ something. She didn’t want to lose her husband over this. “This doesn’t… all of this, it changes nothing, alright? I’ve known how she’s felt about me for years, but she’s still my sister, and she still treats me as such. She’s _never—_ ” But Lucius just wrenched his arm away from her touch and stepped away from her, causing Narcissa’s face to fall as the words died in the back of her throat.

“I don’t want to hear your side of this right now, Narcissa,” he told her, voice hard and unforgiving. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised you lied to me about this, when you apparently have been lying to my face for more than half of our relationship. Right now, I don’t even know what to believe anymore.”

Narcissa’s throat tightened and she let out a helpless sounding sob at those words, but Lucius barely spared her a glance as he pursed his lips and continued to back away from her. “Forget it. I’m not doing this right now, I can’t even—” Lucius shook his head, too astounded by all of this to even finish his sentence. 

“We’ll speak about this later,” he told her instead, a note of finality in his voice. It was obvious that Lucius didn’t know how to react to any of this, and needed some time in order to take it all in. Between this revelation and the truth behind the child Narcissa was carrying, it seemed to be far too much for him to process at the moment. “That is, if you even care to come home.”

“Lucius—!” Narcissa tried desperately, but her husband was already gone, disapparating from the parlor with a loud crack. Narcissa put her head in her hands, tears running down her cheeks as she tried to convince herself that no matter how angry Lucius was, that he would never leave her for this. He loved her. He had to.

Bellatrix’s hands touched her waist then, no doubt just trying to comfort her, but Narcissa practically elbowed her as she pushed the older woman off of her, turning around as she demanded in a choked voice, “— _Why?_ ”

Why did she do this? _How_ could she do this?

“Because the best way to lie to someone is to give them part of the truth,” Bellatrix answered softly, at least understanding that she had very much upset her sister by doing something like that. She seemed to have her reasons though, as she didn’t look at all guilty for what she had done. Instead, Bellatrix just patiently explained, “He wasn’t going to stop, Cissy. No matter how guilty you made him feel, no matter how afraid you tried to make him by threatening to leave or _whatever_ it was that you were trying to do to keep him in line, he wasn’t going to stop thinking those things. And now that you’ve done something far worse than he has, he doesn’t have to listen to you anymore when you tell him to stop, and you both know it.”

Narcissa stayed silent; she knew Bellatrix was right, as they clearly just demonstrated that not ten minutes prior, but still. She didn’t have to _tell_ him that—

“Lucius has always wanted to villainize me,” Bellatrix told her, her expression darkening a bit at the truth in that statement. “He always wanted to think that it was all me and not _you_ , so I told him that it was. In the end, that’s all he needs to know. He’ll believe it, because he already thought it. If you tell someone everything they want to hear, they’ll never go searching for any other answers.” 

“Not everything,” Narcissa breathed sadly, because she knew what Lucius would have preferred. “He’d want a reason to keep me away from you, but you… you kept saying that you’d never hurt me, and—”

“Believe me, Cissy, it was enough,” Bellatrix assured her, wiping a fallen tear from the blonde’s cheek with her thumb. “If I handed him absolutely _everything_ he wanted on a silver platter, he would have suspected something. After all, when something is too good to be true, then it probably is. Besides, the last thing I want is for him to think he’s justified in taking you from me.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, nodding her head in acknowledgement of her sister’s words as more tears slipped down her cheeks. She understood Bellatrix’s point, and it made a lot of sense on paper, but Narcissa was still afraid because Bellatrix had done something that she could never undo, and if she wasn’t right, then they both were going to pay the price for it. 

“Just go home,” Bellatrix encouraged softly, placing a gentle kiss on her sister’s brow as she smoothed out her hair. “He’ll be angry, but it won’t last. In the end, he’ll realize he can’t fault you for the things that _I_ feel, since as far as he knows, you don’t feel the same. Okay? It’ll be fine, I swear on my life.”

_Her life._ Apt, considering what it was that she was gambling with.

“You both…” Rodolphus drawled, looking disgusted by them as he pushed himself off of the far wall. Narcissa had actually forgotten he was there, and actually started at the sound of his voice. “Are the most manipulative cunts I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.”

Bellatrix looked infuriated by his assessment, but as she reached for her wand, Narcissa stopped her with a hand on her arm and a soft, “—Don’t.” Bellatrix stopped, but her lips were still pursed into a thin line as she glared at her husband, who in turn was looking at the two sisters like they were dirt. Perhaps they were.

“He’s right,” Narcissa breathed, feeling sick with herself; for this, for everything. “He’s right… we are.”

But in the end though, knowing what they were doing was wrong changed nothing, and all three of them knew that it never would.

**TBC…**


	14. XIV. Summer, 1977

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up that this is the last time I’m going to warn for heterosexual sex in this fic (or in this series would probably be a more accurate statement, if I end up splitting this whole retelling of their lives into three books, which it’s looking like I might have to. Nothing is certain on that front yet though; I’m still debating). I just feel like I’m apologizing for Narcissa’s bisexuality and something about that sits really wrong with me, so I don’t want to do it anymore. If the mentions of man-bits are something you absolutely cannot handle though, just skip it when it starts to go in that general direction. They tend to usually be near the end of a chapter anyway.

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN  
Summer, 1977**

Lucius didn’t come home that night.

Narcissa wished she could say she was surprised, but she wasn’t; she doubted Lucius even wanted to look at her, let alone be around her. Still, after he had made a point to imply that should _Narcissa_ be the one to not come home that night then she was clearly choosing Bellatrix over him, she had thought that he would at least stay long enough to see if she returned to the manor first. He did not however, and Narcissa was left alone with her tears and regret through the night and into the next morning. 

When it hit midafternoon and her husband still wasn’t back though, Narcissa began to panic. 

“He’s left me!”

Bellatrix shot her a disbelieving look as she sat astride her antique divan, idly sipping tea as her eyes rested on her sister’s frantic face inside her fireplace. “Has he taken his possessions?” she asked like she already knew the answer to that, and Narcissa exhaled a frustrated breath, knowing her sister wasn’t taking this seriously.

“No, but—”

“Then he hasn’t left you,” Bellatrix interrupted, decidedly unconcerned with this whole ordeal. “He’s probably just piss drunk somewhere with his cock halfway up some whore, so relax. That stupid sod loves you far too much to ever leave you, even over something like this.”

“’Something like _this?’_ ” Narcissa repeated disbelievingly. “It wasn’t just one thing, Bella; it was multiple fucking things stacked on top of one another, and I’d say the combined weight of them right now is _certainly_ enough for him to leave me!” Bellatrix opened up her mouth to speak, but Narcissa didn’t let her. “And if you actually think that telling me that my husband is probably off fucking some other woman right now is _comforting,_ you are sadly deluded. That does not, in any way, make me feel better.”

“I love how you feel so entitled to his loyalty while you give him none in return,” Bellatrix told her, a hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips as she took another small sip of her tea. “It’s amusing.”

Narcissa glared at her, shifting her position on the floor. The wood was starting to bruise her knees, but she didn’t want to leave the house in case Lucius came back. “That’s not the point—”

“Maybe not, but you must see how incredibly hypocritical you are. Besides, if it’s a choice between him taking out his frustrations with you on someone else’s cunt or him _leaving_ you, which would you prefer?” she countered, causing Narcissa to purse her lips into a thin line. Bellatrix already knew the answer to that even without the confirmation though, and so she continued, “He feels betrayed by you, Narcissa, so allow him to deal with that by betraying _you_ in return. In the long run, it doesn’t matter. Just do yourself a favor and don’t focus on the small indiscretions, because you’ll end up losing sight of the bigger picture.”

Narcissa exhaled a hard breath, irritated by her sister’s insight because it wasn’t wrong. Still, the thought of Lucius out there with some other woman unsettled her; she may not have a right to feel that way, considering what it was that she did behind his back, but she couldn’t help but feel it all the same. Perhaps she was just selfish though, or far too possessive than she really should be. She didn’t allow Bellatrix to sleep with anyone else either, despite knowing it wasn’t fair to her. 

Well, perhaps ‘allow’ was too strong of a word. Bellatrix did what she wanted, and what she wanted right now was to keep Narcissa happy, which was most likely the only reason why she wasn’t indulging in other lovers herself. She certainly didn’t seem to care too much before, after all.

Pursing her lips, Narcissa tried to convince herself that everything would work out, but in the end her pessimism had always found strength in her insecurities. “…What if he doesn’t come home?” she asked softly, the sound barely more than a whisper as she voiced her deepest fear. 

“He will.”

“You don’t—”

“Cissy, to be perfectly honest with you, I could probably fuck you in front of him and he wouldn’t leave you,” Bellatrix interrupted, causing Narcissa to scoff in disbelief at such a claim. “The only reason I _don’t_ is because it would, admittedly, ruin your relationship, and I don’t really fancy you despising me for that. Not only is he traditional and would believe a publicly failed marriage would bring him shame, you have this way of manipulating those who love you into being emotionally masochistic. He’ll stay regardless of what you do, because you’ve made him into another one of your little whipping posts.”

Narcissa’s lips parted as she stared at her sister in disbelief, fairly certain that she she should be grievously offended by what Bellatrix had said; however the woman had said it so _casually_ that it came off as more fact than opinion, and because of that Narcissa wasn’t certain how to react. There had been no emotion tied to what Bellatrix had said, and therefore it seemed like she didn’t even care that she considered herself some kind of victim of her sister’s.

“I… I don’t…” Narcissa stuttered for a moment, still a little taken aback by the statement before she finally found her voice. “You’re not a whipping post, _surely._ You never do as I ask unless it benefits yourself.”

“Narcissa, I allow the woman I love to not only fuck another person, but be emotionally devoted to them as well,” Bellatrix told her flatly, placing her cup back down on its saucer. It clanked loudly. “Which, I might add, you do not give me the same courtesy of in return. If that’s not being your fucking whipping post, then I don’t know what is.”

Narcissa didn’t know what to say to that, so she stayed silent. Perhaps her sister was right, but it just sounded so… emotionally _abusive_ when said out loud like that; as though she was keeping her sister on some sort of leash while she paraded her own freedoms around in front of her. Narcissa tried to rationalize it by believing that Bellatrix could handle something like that whereas she could never, but it still sounded very awful and so Narcissa tried instead to ignore it all together.

But before she could change the topic of conversation, Narcissa heard a sound coming from her end of the connection and her eyes widened. “I… I think I just heard the front door open—”

Bellatrix did a little swooping motion with her hand as she responded flatly, “See, what did I tell you?” She sounded rather bored, like she never doubted for a second that this would be the outcome and found the predictability of it rather lackluster. “Now go deal with this so you can stop bloody worrying that your life is going to become some kind of shit show. I hate when your pessimism is unwarranted; it wastes time better spent doing more pleasurable things.”

She smirked at her then, but Narcissa just huffed at her sister’s seemingly uncaring attitude about all of this. Perhaps _she_ believed that there was nothing to worry about, but that didn’t mean that she was right, and her fear constantly being belittled by Bellatrix wasn’t helping matters. It was like her sister was low-key irritated with her or something with all the snide remarks intermixed with normal conversation, but Narcissa couldn’t even _begin_ to deal with that right now and so she just told her shortly, “—I have to go. I’ll send you an owl later,” before taking her head out of the fire and getting to her feet.

Her knees ached from being in that position for so long, but the sound of her husband climbing the stairs pushed her into overdrive as she practically sprinted to the foyer. “Lucius!”

Lucius stopped halfway up the stairs, his hand tensing around the banister. He did not turn around to greet her, instead asking in a rather flat sounding tone, “…What?” Narcissa swallowed, not at all encouraged by his demeanor, yet refused to just let him hide away upstairs.

“Where have you been?”

Lucius exhaled what sounded almost like a sad laugh as he finally turned to face her. “Believe me,” he began, noticing how his wife was taking in his appearance. Lucius looked like a wreck; his eyes were bloodshot, no doubt due to a lack of sleep, and his clothes were wrinkled and in disarray, like he had redressed in a hurry. Narcissa’s stomach plummeted. “You really don’t want to know.”

A lump began to form in the back of the blonde’s throat, and she blinked back furious tears as she responded in a broken, angry tone, “Bellatrix was right, you _were_ with someone else last night!” She felt so immensely betrayed by that and it was ridiculous, considering how often she cheated on _him._ Still, she couldn’t turn off her jealous nature and so she began to make a scene over it, despite her sister’s suggestion that she not focus on the small indiscretions in their relationship.

“Oh, well if precious _Bellatrix_ said so, then it must be true,” Lucius responded scathingly, turning to walk away from her. But Narcissa took the stairs two at a time however and grasped onto his arm, forcing him to face her. He stunk of alcohol and shame. 

“Don’t try to lay the focus on her; she’s got nothing to do with this right now!” Narcissa snapped. “I’m sitting at home _pregnant,_ and you have the audacity to go out and—!”

“You’re not even pregnant with my fucking child, Narcissa; don’t give me that,” Lucius shot back, turning from her as he began to climb the stairwell. Narcissa was hot on his heels. 

“That doesn’t _matter—_ ”

“Actually, I’m pretty damn certain that that’s the _only_ thing that matters right now,” Lucius snapped as they entered their bedroom, pulling his dirty shirt over his head before tossing it in the corner of the room. Narcissa’s eyes went wide, noticing the faint pink nail marks on his back.

“You… absolute _arse,_ Lucius Malfoy!” she shouted, beginning to smack his back, his shoulders, in a fit of rage. “You’re doing this on purpose! Can’t even be bothered to try to hide it like a _respectable_ person, can you?!”

“What, like _you?_ ” Lucius hissed, turning to face her with an expression filled with blame and upset. Narcissa was temporarily struck mute, not expecting an accusation in return, and that was enough confirmation for Lucius. “You and I need to stop playing this game, Narcissa; we both know that pureblood marriages are riddled with affairs, and yet we like to foolishly delude ourselves into thinking we’re the exception, don’t we? And maybe we were once, but we haven’t been for a long time, have we?” Narcissa said nothing, so Lucius pushed with, “ _Have we?_ ”

“I…” Narcissa tried, not really knowing what to say in her defense. “You… you work a lot!” And as far as excuses went, that wasn’t the best, but she didn’t know what else to say. Still, she didn’t want this to be turned around on her so she snapped, “But at least I have the decency not to parade my affairs around in your face! What you’re doing right now is _beyond_ low, not to mention incredibly childish.”

Lucius stared at her, almost as though he needed a moment to take in what she had just said. Apparently, he hadn’t been quite as certain as he made himself out to be with his accusation, because the confirmation that his wife wasn’t entirely faithful to him made him come to a full stop for a second. “Yes, well,” he finally began, his voice a little strained as he looked down at her. “I figured that considering the circumstances, this called for a rather dramatic mark of the beginning of a habit.”

Narcissa’s stomach clenched in her gut; the _beginning_ of a habit? Oh God, then Rodolphus had been right, Lucius _had_ been faithful to her before, and yet she just… she just told him…

“I’m… I’m sorry,” she breathed, realizing what she had just done. But she had thought with the way Lucius had been speaking that he… that he had been doing the exact same thing, however had been hiding it well just as she had been. Apparently however, that did not seem to be the case. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Yes, I’m sure that’s been your motto lately, hasn’t it?” Lucius responded dryly, going over to the closet as he pulled a clean shirt from off of one of the hangers. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised; when you put someone up on a bloody pedestal they’re bound to disappoint you. No one is ever as perfect as they’d like you to believe; least of all you, I see.”

Narcissa’s eyes brimmed with tears. “No, _no…_ you don’t get to turn this around on me when you’re the one who just came back from screwing some _slut_ while I waited up for you like some kind of pathetic—”

“And do you know how many times I’ve waited up on _you?”_ Lucius shot back, throwing the clean shirt on over his head before beginning to shuck off his trousers. “You must think I don’t notice, when you leave the bed when I’m already asleep.” 

Narcissa’s breath caught her in throat. It had only been a handful of times scattered over the years, but apparently that was enough. Sometimes though, she just needed Bellatrix, and she didn’t think—she had no idea that Lucius would awaken; he had always been a rather deep sleeper, or so she had thought.

“And like some _chump_ I lie there and try to convince myself that perhaps you’re just seeing your sister, because that crazy bitch has always been so terribly needy when it comes to you, hasn’t she?” Lucius continued scathingly, apparently deciding to outright ignore how his own eyes were starting to shine with upset. “I tried to tell myself that you were doing it behind my back because you know I’d frown upon how often you feel the need to go to her, but you weren’t even with her, were you? You were with your bloody _boyfriend._ ”

Narcissa didn’t really know how to react to that, because the thought of having a _boyfriend_ was so absurd to her that she didn’t even know where to begin. “I don’t have a—” she tried, at least trying to explain to him _that_ , but Lucius wouldn’t let her get a word in edgewise.

“Unless you really _were_ going to see your sister,” he continued darkly, his expression clouding over. “And _she’s_ your—” But Lucius didn’t get to finish that sentence; Narcissa’s hand connected with his cheek so hard that it would no doubt leave a bruise, and as Lucius hissed in pain, the blonde’s eyes darkened with anger.

“Finish that sentence and I promise you that it’ll be the _last_ thing that you ever say to me,” Narcissa threatened, not letting him go anywhere _near_ that topic. “Just because you know how my sister feels for me, does _not_ allow you to accuse me of being unfaithful to you with _her._ That’s disgusting, Lucius, and I will not stand for it!”

That, at least, seemed to get Lucius off of the implications; after all, as Bellatrix had said, he would always much rather believe that the entire thing was one-sided, than believe that his own _wife_ willingly partook in such things behind his back. “If you think it’s so disgusting, then why do you allow her in your life?!” Lucius exclaimed as he threw on a clean pair of trousers and, okay, apparently they had moved on from affairs to at least _one_ of the things that they needed to discuss. Narcissa was actually glad for it, because the conversation about affairs was _not_ going in her favor at all.

“Because she is my _sister!_ ” Narcissa practically shouted at him, needing him to understand that that was a relationship that was important to her. “And no matter how she may feel about me, she still treats me as such! God, Lucius, do you even—do you even _understand_ how much I’ve lost in my life?” she asked incredulously. “Bellatrix is all I _have;_ she’s the only family I have left.”

“And it doesn’t bother you that she’s thought about _fucking_ you?!” Lucius asked incredulously. “She is your sister, and she thinks about—!”

“I know what the fuck she thinks about, Lucius; I don’t need a bloody reminder!” Narcissa snapped, at least causing her husband to fall silent momentarily. “But we have an agreement that she can think about me in however way she wants, do whatever it is that she…” Narcissa waved her hand, trying to look disgusted by what she was about to implicate as she finished, “ _does_ to herself while she does so without fear that I’m judging her or making her feel guilty for it, so long as she doesn’t ever mention it to me. She knows it makes me uncomfortable, so—”

“Oh my God,” Lucius exclaimed, looking horrified. “You know that your sister _masturbates_ to the thought of you, and yet—”

“Did you conveniently miss the part where I specifically said I like to ignore it?!” Narcissa exclaimed, infuriated that she was being interrupted when she was attempting to string a convincing lie together. “We don’t discuss how she feels about me, Lucius; in all honesty most days I even forget, because it had been _years_ since she had ever said anything to me about it! And to be quite frank, a part of me is a little fucking irritated with you because you forced it out of her and threw it back in my face again!”

“ _I_ forced it out of her?” Lucius countered, scoffing in disbelief. “I didn’t—”

“Of course you did!” Narcissa snapped, pointing at him furiously. “You couldn’t let it go, were always on to how she looks at me, because you were so certain that you were right. Well _congratulations,_ you were; does that make you feel any better, Lucius?! Because all you’ve done is open up a can of worms that I tried so goddamn hard to put the lid on _years_ go!”

Lucius pursed his lips into a thin line, his brow etching with irritation at being shouted at; at being _blamed,_ when he believed he had been in the right. “So what, you’re just… suggesting that I _ignore_ it? Pretend her disgusting feelings for you don’t bloody exist, as if that somehow makes it _better?_ ”

“That is _exactly_ what I am suggesting you do,” Narcissa hissed, her eyes darkening in challenge as she stared at her husband. “It doesn’t affect my life and therefore, it should not affect yours. If I honestly thought that she would pressure me into doing something I’m not comfortable with, do you _really_ think that I would continue to see her?! I might be a bloody masochist sometimes, Lucius, but I’m not so fucked up that I would invite my own sister to _rape_ me!”

Lucius kept his mouth shut after that declaration, hopefully beginning to realize that despite all of his fears, they were in no way valid considering Narcissa still felt completely safe being around Bellatrix. Regardless, it was obvious he was still not happy with the fact that his wife’s sister was in love with her, but for the moment he didn’t seem to have an argument and so he just shook his head at her as he exhaled a long, frustrated breath.

“You’re not leaving this house anymore,” he said instead, causing Narcissa’s eyes to widen at the audacity the man had; believing he could _order_ her around like that.

“ _Excuse_ me?” Narcissa asked, straightening her spine as she stared him down. “You can’t just keep me locked up in here like some kind of—!”

“That is _exactly_ what I am going to do with you!” Lucius roared, causing Narcissa’s eyes to almost go black with fury. “Maybe you’ve proven yourself to be a world-class liar, Narcissa, but I am not able to do the same!”

_That_ made Narcissa stop, because now she wasn’t sure what her husband was even talking about. She thought he was trying to punish her for Bellatrix in some kind of backwards way, but now she wasn’t certain. “ _What?_ What are you—”

“How many people know you’re pregnant?” Lucius demanded, and suddenly Narcissa realized where he was going with this. This wasn’t about Bellatrix at all; this was about their other issue.

“I… no one, save Bella and Rodolphus. And that midwife you hired, of course.” While she had begun showing, it still wasn’t enough that she couldn’t hide it beneath robes that she made sure were a little bit too big for her, so Narcissa had refrained from telling anyone. After all, it wasn’t as though she would be able to keep the baby, and so the thought of pretending to be _excited_ for this child in front of others made her a bit ill.

“Well as of now, that information does not leave this house,” Lucius told her. “I refuse to act as though this is a _happy_ occasion when all it makes me want to do is tear my bloody throat open. And since it’s _your_ fault that we’re even going through this in the first place, then I find it only fitting that you be the one to take the punishment for it. So I don’t bloody care if you have some stupid party you need to go to, or even if you want to visit your fucked up sister; you’re not leaving. _No one_ is going to know about this, do you understand me? I’ll tell the midwife that you miscarried, and as far as anyone else is aware, you’ve fallen dreadfully ill and are now bedridden.”

Narcissa pursed her lips at that, not entirely fond of being ordered around as though Lucius now _owned_ her, considering the man had always treated her as an equal. Still, she couldn’t deny that perhaps this was the best way to go about things; she didn’t want anyone to know about her pregnancy either, because she couldn’t emotionally handle pretending to be excited for it. 

“And how do you expect to deliver a baby without a midwife, Lucius?”

“It can’t be that sodding difficult, can it?” Lucius countered. “Not all women have help, Narcissa. Figure it out.”

Narcissa bit the inside of her cheek, but did not argue with him. Right now, it just wasn’t the time, and they had months until they would have to deal with the delivery of this child. “…Fine,” she conceded finally, not keen on fighting about this when the last thing she wanted was for the rest of the world to know about this pregnancy anyway. “I won’t leave, but Bellatrix will be allowed to visit. I won’t let you constantly leave me alone while you’re working; that isn’t fair.”

Lucius did _not_ look happy with that, but tried to bargain with, “Supervised visits at first, and then we can speak about you being alone with her.” Narcissa scoffed, looking affronted by that. 

“ _Supervised?_ I thought I told you—!”

“I don’t care what you sodding told me,” Lucius snapped, cutting her off mid-sentence. “You will only be alone with your sister once _I_ deem her not to be a threat to you, not before. That is the end of this discussion.”

“Oh, _fuck_ you,” Narcissa seethed, infuriated by the way he was speaking to her. “If you think that just because we’re fighting you can try to slap me down with your patriarchal bullshit, you’ve got another thing coming. You do not own me, Lucius.”

Lucius cocked a challenging eyebrow at her. “Funny, because I think that ring on your finger says otherwise.”

Narcissa’s mouth dropped open at the callousness in her husband’s voice. He had never _dared,_ and now…? That hurt; that hurt more than anything else he had ever done, including sleeping with that whore last night. She understood that Lucius felt betrayed by her, that possibly her actions had even broken his heart, but Narcissa couldn’t take this. She had always felt like she was his equal, and yet now he was treating her like she was _less_ than him, and that fucking cut her. Regardless of how most pureblooded husbands treat their wives, that had never been part of their dynamic, which was one of the reasons why she loved him so much.

“…Get out,” Narcissa demanded in a broken voice before her eyes brimmed over with fresh tears, a sob hitching in the back of her throat as she pointed at the door and screamed at her husband in a fit of devastation. “ _Get out!_ Get out of my room!”

“You can’t just order out of my own bedroom, Narcissa—”

But Narcissa felt like something had broken inside of her, and so in retaliation she reached into the inside of her robes and withdrew her wand, pointing it at him threateningly. “I said _get out!_ ” She didn’t really have the intention of using it, but she wanted to make her point. She couldn’t have him be around her right now.

Lucius looked like she had punched him in the gut for daring to threaten him in such a manner, staring at the wand in furious disbelief. “You wouldn’t…”

“I am a _person,_ Lucius! No matter how angry you are with me, I refuse to be spoken to as though I’m your lesser just because I am a woman; I get enough of that from the rest of the sodding world!” Narcissa shouted, tears falling from her eyes and staining her cheeks. Her wand hand shook as she screamed, but it did not waver from its target. “You have no idea how it feels for my existence to be practically invalidated by society just because I wasn’t born with a cock between my legs, and while I might not be able to choose how the world sees me, I _can_ choose how my husband sees me, and if you’re going to treat me like I’m trash, then perhaps I need to reconsider my decision of choosing _you!_ ”

Lucius stared at her for a long moment, his expression unreadable before finally he seemed to realize that he had crossed a line that he would never be able to come back from if he continued down this road. “…I’m sorry,” he apologized softly and Narcissa, hearing the sincerity in that, finally lowered her wand. She knew how Lucius was acting right then wasn’t the man she had married, and that it was no doubt only spurred on in some desire to hurt her as she had hurt him, but she couldn’t bear to be treated like someone’s _property._ She was a human being, and no matter what she had done, deserved to be treated like such.

“I meant to hurt you,” Lucius admitted. “But I didn’t intend to dehumanize you. I merely… Jesus, Narcissa, you have _no idea_ how it feels right now to not be able to trust anything that you say to me anymore.” His brow etched in upset then, not anger, which Narcissa had always been able to deal with much easier. She had grown up with _Bellatrix,_ after all. “You lied to me about that child, you lied to me about your sister, and I just can’t help but think, ‘what the bloody hell else is she hiding from me’? I fucking loved and trusted you completely, Narcissa, and you _violated_ that. You’ve been violating that for years now apparently, and that… I don’t even know what to do with that anymore.”

The fact that Lucius wasn’t screaming at her right then made it ten times worse. It was like a part of him was just exhausted by this, by his anger towards her and the desire to seek vengeance on her for destroying the trust in their relationship. Another tear slipped down Narcissa’s cheek, but it wasn’t because she felt dehumanized; it was because she realized that, human or not, she still wasn’t a good person. She wanted it all, and in the process she constantly destroyed the two people she loved the most in order to attain it.

She _was_ a liar, and he _shouldn’t_ trust her. But to admit to that would bring her entire life to ruin, and so Narcissa just stood there, silent tears slipping down her cheeks as she tried to formulate what to say to her husband in her defense.

“So tell me, Narcissa,” Lucius continued before exhaling a resigned sigh, all of the fight having left him as he crossed his arms over his chest and slumped against the wall. “What else are you hiding from me?” He asked the question like he already expected that she had more to hide, and thus the word ‘nothing’ got caught in Narcissa’s throat as she wiped the wetness from her cheeks.

Narcissa’s lack of an answer however seemed to be answer enough for Lucius, and he just scoffed in reply as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Right, of course.” He pushed himself off the wall then, about to leave the room, and in a stroke of desperation Narcissa shouted out the first thing that came to her mind that was damning enough to keep secret, but not horrible enough that it would destroy her entire life.

“—I kissed my sister once!”

God, she wanted to take back the words the second after they fell from her mouth, but as her entire _real_ secret revolved around Bellatrix, she couldn’t think of a convincing lie to tell him quick enough that didn’t involve her. Lucius stopped mid-stride, and Narcissa could see the muscles in his neck tensing up. She held her breath, and the silence seemed to stretch on for ages before Lucius finally turned around and spoke to her.

“You fucking told me that she would _never,_ and now you—?!”

“No, no, Lucius, it’s not what you—she didn’t _force_ me!” Narcissa exclaimed, grasping onto his forearm imploringly. She didn’t want him to think that; he would never allow her to see Bellatrix then, and that was the last thing she wanted. “She… when she first told me she was in love with me, she… she said all these beautiful things to me and I… I kissed her.” Her entire face flushed a deep red after she said those words, although whether it was from the lie or the fact that a part of her was actually ashamed of her relationship with Bellatrix when confronted with it by a third party, she didn’t know.

Probably the latter though, considering all of her _other_ lies never made her face turn as red as a tomato. Sometimes, it was hard for Narcissa to remember that what she did with her sister was wrong, because it had never felt that way. But it _was_ and with the way Lucius was looking at her…

The man’s jaw tensed, but he didn’t move to remove his wife’s arm from his bicep. Lucius just stared at her, as though he were debating on whether or not it’d be worth it to leave her for being such an incestuous freak, and that absolutely _terrified_ Narcissa and so she rushed through the only explanation she could come up with. 

“I just… I just wanted her to _have_ something, okay?” Narcissa tried, hoping that this didn’t damn her as much as she feared it would. It was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to her and Bellatrix, but even the tip is enough to sink the biggest of ships. “She’s my sister, she’s my—she’s my best friend and I was about to break her heart and I couldn’t… God, I couldn’t _bear_ to do that to her without… without…”

She was sobbing now, regretting even saying this in the first place, but it was too late to take it back now. Narcissa hoped that Bellatrix was right; that if she gave Lucius something he expected – that she _was_ hiding something more from him – that he wouldn’t think that she was hiding anything else. That he would be convinced that this was her biggest secret, her most _shameful_ secret, and that was the deepest that all of this ran.

“Jesus Christ,” Lucius breathed, looking at Narcissa like he didn’t know what to make of her anymore. “What the… what the _fuck_ did I marry into?”

“No, Lucius, please,” Narcissa begged through her tears, her voice choking up in her throat. “It was only once, and right after I told her—I said that while I loved her, I didn’t feel the same way she did and she… God, she cried, Lucius, and Bella doesn’t _cry_ and maybe—I probably made it worse, doing that and then telling her that we could never be together in the way that she wanted, but I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing…” A sob hitched in the back of her throat, more tears spilling down her cheeks as she breathed, “I’m sorry. I’m so, _so_ sorry…”

Lucius looked like he didn’t know how to process this information. He must realize that he couldn’t exactly fault her for that when it was just one kiss, as she had supposedly told Bellatrix that it could never be like that between them directly afterwards, but it was obvious he was still having trouble with the fact that Narcissa _willingly_ kissed her own flesh and blood in a way that was obviously not chaste.

“How long ago was this?” he asked instead, his voice strangely devoid of any emotion. Narcissa’s mind raced, trying to find an appropriate age that didn’t make her sister look like some kind of sexual predator, yet was long enough ago that it made it seem like all of this was completely over and done with.

“…I was sixteen,” was the age Narcissa decided on. While she was engaged to Lucius then, anything below that seemed far too young considering their four year age gap. In reality, _she_ had told Bellatrix that she was in love with her when she was only thirteen, but Lucius didn’t need to know that. Honestly, at this point she wished Lucius didn’t know _anything_ when it came to her and Bellatrix’s relationship, but her sister had already fucked them, so why _wouldn’t_ she dig her own grave a little more?

After all, what she was actually good at was fucking up her own life; no need to stop the streak now.

Lucius said nothing though, still unable to organize his thoughts on the matter. He didn’t like it, _that_ much was abundantly clear, but he didn’t know if he could fault Narcissa for it either. Supposedly, it was so long ago, and _supposedly_ , Bellatrix hadn’t propositioned her since then… hadn’t spoken about how she felt or treated her any differently and Narcissa even felt _safe_ with her, so as Narcissa looked up at her husband, she knew if he was wondering if it was worth it to beat what appeared to be not only a dead horse, but one that died many years ago.

“This is fucked up,” was all he offered finally, and Narcissa wiped away another tear on her cheek as she agreed softly, “…I know.”

Lucius took a deep breath and closed his eyes, maybe just trying to will himself to not let something like this bother him. Narcissa just watched him, hoping that she hadn’t destroyed them permanently, when Lucius finally spoke. “Tell me,” he began, opening his eyes and tilting his head back down to look at his wife. “ _Swear_ to me, on our future child’s life – the one that we will keep, the one that we will _raise_ and love more than anything in this bloody fucking world – that she doesn’t have you, Narcissa; that she didn’t _get_ to you.”

“What…?’ Narcissa breathed, so taken back by the question that she actually forgot to get angry at the implication. She thought she had convinced Lucius that this was entirely one-sided, and now…?

“You know what I’m asking,” Lucius told her sharply. “And you can get angry with me all you want for implying it, but you— you’ve always fucking followed her around, like some affection staved _puppy_ and I’m sorry, Narcissa, but you’ve always done everything that she’s asked of you, and suddenly this has gone from you vehemently denying that there was anything going on, to Bellatrix admitting she’s in love with you and now you saying you _kissed_ her and… what else, Narcissa? What the fuck _else?_ The more you get backed into a sodding corner, the worse it gets!”

“I am not a _dyke!_ ” Narcissa shouted, practically shoving him away from her. “I’m not a—I don’t even— how _dare…_ ” She couldn’t even get the words out, her panic too much for her to cope with in that moment. She had taken it too far, and now Lucius was beginning to wonder, and God, he _couldn’t…_

“Right, how dare I think you might be in love with the only fucking person you can apparently be completely truthful with,” Lucius seethed, not about to be deterred by this. “That was supposed to be _our_ child that you sold, and yet you go to _her—_ ”

“In—in _love?_ ” Narcissa shrieked, sounding practically hysterical by this point. “You think I’m in love with my bloody sister; is that… is that a _joke?_ Jesus fucking Christ, Lucius, is this really what you think of me?! I thought you were asking if I’ve fucked her, not if I’m—!”

“ _Have_ you?” Lucius interrupted, and Narcissa looked at him with the best expression of infuriated disbelief that she could muster.

“Why, do you want to _watch?_ ” Narcissa responded scathingly, hoping to make him feel dirty. “Is that why you keep pushing this, do you have some kind of fucked up fetish for—”

Lucius looked horrified by the prospect. “Of course not!”

“Then why are you doing this?!” Narcissa shouted, grasping onto his shirt as she shook him back and forth. She felt like she had cracked directly down the center, and now pieces of her were just being scattered along the floor. “Why won’t you _believe_ me?! I told you the truth, I told you—!”

“Yeah, _now,_ ” Lucius shot back, throwing all of Narcissa’s lies back in her face, because he couldn’t get over it. He just couldn’t. “Now that you feel bloody trapped you’re telling me all these things, so what’s to stop me from thinking that if I just push you a little harder, more and more of these little goddamn ‘amendments’ are going to come pouring out of you until you finally fucking admit to me that you’re… that you’re some kind of _incestuous—!_ ”

“I’m not; Lucius, I’m _not!_ ” Narcissa cried, beginning to sob again because this wasn’t how this was supposed to go, and now she didn’t know what to do. Everything was falling apart around her, and she could barely stand on her own two feet anymore.

“Swear to it!”

“I swear! I swear on our future child’s life, Lucius, _please…_ ” Narcissa begged, feeling absolutely sickened with herself for swearing on something like that, but not knowing what else to do anymore. “This is making me sick, it’s making me—”

But Lucius was just staring at her, breathing hard from the all of the emotions that he was currently being suffocated by. And Narcissa wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that she’d get cut off mid-sentence by a kiss so fierce that it nearly toppled her to the ground. Narcissa grasped onto his shirt, nails digging through the fabric and into the man’s shoulders as she shut her eyes tightly, needing whatever this was with an intense form of desperation that she had never felt before.

“I won’t let her taint you,” Lucius breathed, the words coming out as almost a ferocious growl as he began backing Narcissa up towards the bed, practically tearing her robes from her form as he sought to claim ownership over something he feared might one day not be his. They had reached a precipice, and if _this_ was how it was all going to boil over, than Narcissa would gladly take it over him leaving her. “I won’t let her _have_ you. She’s toxic; she fucking destroys everything that she touches, and you—”

“I’m _yours,_ ” Narcissa breathed passionately against his lips before the back of her knees hit the side of the mattress and she came tumbling down. She sat up almost immediately though, spreading her legs on either side of him as she fisted her hands in the fabric of his shirt, pulling it clean apart and popping some of the buttons off. “I’ve always been yours, it’s you that sets a fire inside of me, that makes me burn and _ache_ when I bury my fingers inside of myself when I’m alone…”

Lucius groaned at the thought of that and Narcissa’s nails dug into his chest then, raking red lines down his torso before she bit and licked at his pecks. “It’s you that I find captivating, you that I find beautiful…” Narcissa breathed against his skin, her fingers beginning to quickly work on the button on his trousers. She needed him to fuck her; she needed Lucius to believe that his touch was the only one that she yearned for, because if she didn’t put on a convincing act then her entire world was going to come crumbling down around her.

Once his trousers hit the floor Narcissa pushed Lucius back with both hands, enough to make him fall backwards a few steps before she slid from the bed, her knees hitting the wood floor with a hard thwack. “It’s _this,_ ” she continued in a voice thick with desire, accenting the word by wrapping her hand around her husband’s rapidly hardening cock, “that makes me bloody weak. I would do anything for you…”

Her mouth slid around him then, and Lucius swore, “Jesus… _fuck,_ ” as he fisted his hand in her long hair, wrapping it around his wrist as he held her to him, encouraging her to continue. They didn’t do this often, and especially not lately as their endgame was to just impregnate her, but Lucius had always loved this, and Narcissa knew it. 

So she made a bloody elaborate showing of it, looking up at him with wide eyes as she opened the back of her throat and encouraged him to go deeper inside of her mouth as her hand continuously either followed behind, or led her mouth’s path. Every noise of pleasure Narcissa made was exaggerated, her free hand switching from cupping his bollocks to digging her nails into his thigh, and all she wanted was to feel his hot pleasure run down the back of her throat, as though it was the only medicine that could relieve her of her guilt.

But Lucius didn’t let her.

He was close, Narcissa could feel it, but he let her go then, pulling himself out of her mouth as he demanded in a hoarse voice, “Up.” Narcissa complied without question, and Lucius forced her to turn around, his touch bruising as he guided his wife onto her hands and knees on the bed. Narcissa practically put herself on display for him as she felt him climb up behind her, bending over as she ran her fingers over the apex of her thighs, spreading her labia for him in a much more scandalous showing than she had _ever._

But Lucius loved it, he growled low in his throat as he grasped onto her hips, positioned himself at the entrance that she was practically begging for him to violate, and _pushed._ Narcissa cried out, her fingers tightening in the bed sheets as her eyes fell closed, feeling him fill her completely. And she expected that when he pulled back that he would immediately thrust into her again, but instead he grasped onto her hair again, causing a sound of surprise and slight discomfort to release from the back of her throat as Lucius forced her to righten herself. 

When she had, he wrapped one of his arms around her, encouraging her downwards to practically sit on his dick. Narcissa groaned long and loud at the feeling, which was only intensified as Lucius began sucking hard on the base of her neck, no doubt purposely leaving marks for Bellatrix to find. But Narcissa didn’t care, she’d deal with her sister later; right now all she could do was reach behind her and tangle her fingers in her husband’s long hair, feeling Lucius wrap a possessive, yet surprisingly gentle, hand around her throat as she bounced up and down on the man’s lap.

Lucius’s ragged breathing was against her ear, causing goosebumps to run along the woman’s porcelain skin that they both knew was a perfect canvas for a display of passion. Lucius’s free hand dug into her arm, her hips, her stomach, leaving finger-shaped bruises in their wake as Narcissa practically tore into his skin in kind. “Harder!” Narcissa begged, wanting Lucius to know that she allowed this, that she _wanted_ this. Bellatrix would be furious when she saw her, but she just didn’t… she didn’t _care._ She needed to save her marriage; she loved Lucius, and she needed him in her life. Bellatrix might wish that she was her whole world, but she wasn’t; she was most of it, admittedly, but she wasn’t _this._

God, no, _this…_ this belonged to Lucius, and Lucius alone.

“ _Harder!_ ” Narcissa demanded again when Lucius wasn’t being as rough as she wanted, causing her husband’s teeth to sink into her shoulder in response. Narcissa cried out his name, her vision flashing white from the intense combination of pain and pleasure. It was gratifying, it was _freeing._

“Fucking destroy me,” she practically growled, her eyes blackening in a way that they only used to with Bellatrix. Bellatrix, who had turned her into a masochist; who had taught her to derive pleasure and power from these kinds of displays. “If anyone’s going to bring me to ruin, I need it to be you…”

Narcissa gasped as Lucius practically shoved her off of him then, causing her to fall into a heap on the bed as he warned, “Be careful what you wish for.” He moved, and then suddenly his wand was in his hand and he was casting, “ _Incarcerous_ ,” binding his wife’s hands behind her back. Narcissa whimpered in anticipation, all of the hairs on her arm standing on end as she and her husband began exploring new realms of pleasure with one another. Narcissa had never thought him _vanilla_ by any means, but she also never thought he could be so utterly dominant with her either, and this side of Lucius was making her pussy ache and drip and _want._

He spread her legs on either side of him then, keeping her on her stomach as he raised her hips just enough so that she wouldn’t put any direct pressure on the child inside of her. His touch was bruising, forceful, and when he entered her again it wasn’t gentle in the slightest, and yet Narcissa couldn’t ever remembering loving sex with him so much. She begged him for more, for him to do it harder, faster… God, she begged and begged, but in the end she should have listened to him, and been more careful about what she asked of him.

Because Lucius wasn’t stopping. 

He should have come ages ago, because he _never_ lasted this long, but it seemed he was putting every effort into _not_ doing that so he could continue to penetrate her to the point of sheer madness. Lucius _knew_ she couldn’t get off without clitoral stimulation, and so this relentless pounding against her g spot was doing nothing but causing her pleasure to peak higher and higher with no foreseeable end, and Narcissa couldn’t take the feeling anymore. She writhed violently in the binds he had on her, desperate to touch herself since he didn’t seem inclined at the moment as she begged, “Lucius! Lucius _please!_ I… I can’t—”

“You’ll come when I want you to come, Narcissa; _not_ before!” Lucius growled, and Narcissa wanted to hate him for that, but there was this fucked up part inside of her that _loved_ it. That got _off_ on it; no matter how crazed it made her, no matter how much she begged to be released from this kind of torture, she loved being helpless beneath him because she trusted him. Narcissa knew that no matter what point Lucius was trying to prove, no matter how badly he needed to reinforce ownership on her body right now, that if she said the word ‘stop’ then he would in an instant.

So she indulged in it. The feeling made her openly sob in pleasure and desperation as Lucius practically fucked her raw, and the madness it instilled in her giving Narcissa a high like she had never known before. She felt infinite, she felt weightless. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she begged, “Please… please…” like a broken record, hiding her face in the duvet so Lucius wouldn’t see that this was making her cry. She didn’t want him to think he was doing something to her that she didn’t want or couldn’t handle, and so her desperation for release was rather muffled as it was breathed against a fabric instead of the open air.

Narcissa didn’t know how long it lasted. It could have been minutes or it could have been _weeks,_ but finally Lucius couldn’t take it anymore himself and he grunted loudly as he released his pleasure inside of her, causing Narcissa to cry out at the feeling as she felt his seed fill her. She loved that feeling, she loved it with everything that she was, and right then she was _infinitely_ glad that she was already pregnant so she could experience it again, because when it wasn’t followed by an intense feeling of impending doom, it was one of the most amazing things she had ever experienced.

Lucius was panting, sweating and exhausted, but he didn’t leave her hanging for long. After he pulled out of her he replaced his cock with his hand, his fingers massaging so rapidly across Narcissa’s clit that it only took her about fifteen seconds before she shouted expletives and came rather violently, the force of the orgasm making her lose consciousness very briefly as her body completely shut down in order for her to deal with the aftershocks of something that intense. 

Narcissa shook and she sobbed after she had come to, and she noticed that Lucius must have removed her bindings because suddenly she had use of her arms. But Narcissa couldn’t move, all she could do was just lie there, her cheek pressed against the duvet as another tear slipped down her cheek, catching on her nose as she tried to process what exactly just happened. It all seemed like a dream.

Lucius eventually collapsed beside her, his long hair sticking to his neck and shoulders and covering a few of his cuts and bruises that Narcissa had left behind as a parting gift. He was still breathing just as hard as she was, but when he looked at his wife and noticed the tears on her cheek, an expression of what looked like guilt crossed over his face.

But Narcissa didn’t want him thinking that he had anything to feel guilty for, and so while it took a great effort she finally moved her arm, gently placing her hand over his mouth as the pads of her fingers traced the fullness of his lips. She smiled softly, another tear falling from the corner of her eye as she breathed in a hoarse tone, “You’re everything.” Her voice hitched in her throat then, and suddenly she was no longer crying because she was happy and satisfied, but because she was _terrified_ as she begged, “Please don’t ever leave me…”

“I won’t,” Lucius promised without hesitation. His voice was soft, barely above a whisper, and as Lucius touched his wife’s face and wiped away another fallen tear, he told her, “You and I both know that I love you too much to ever do that, no matter what you’ve done…”

But he didn’t sound happy about that; he sounded rather resigned, almost _defeated_ , and it was then that Narcissa realized that perhaps her sister had been right after all. Perhaps she did turn everyone she loved into emotional masochists; perhaps she did mold them into her perfect little whipping posts that would always be there at her beck and call. And while Narcissa knew she should feel sick with herself for that, because that was such a disgusting thing to do to people, in that moment she couldn’t help but smile.

Because they couldn’t leave her, and no matter what happened, she would never, ever be alone.

**TBC…**


	15. XV. Summer, 1977

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN  
Summer, 1977**

“Marking our territory now, I see.” Bellatrix’s voice was flat and decidedly unamused by the image being presented to her as her gaze dragged over her sister’s form, taking note of the multitude of hickeys and bruises that covered Narcissa’s pale skin.

While the blonde could have easily healed or covered them, she knew Lucius had made them with every _intention_ of Bellatrix seeing his handiwork, and so despite it being cruel to her sister to parade this around in her face, Narcissa obliged her husband’s wishes and allowed Bellatrix to bear witness to the result of their passion. In the end, she had to save her marriage first; Bellatrix could be dealt with in time. 

Momentarily glancing over at Lucius, Bellatrix stepped through the threshold of their front door, her expression sour and judgmental as she tsked, “You’re a _child._ What, are you going to piss a circle around her next?”

Lucius, however, just looked immensely pleased with himself. The telltale signs of a smirk began to tug at the corner of his lips while he crossed his arms over his chest, and Bellatrix’s expression darkened as she pushed past him, the bag filled with the items Narcissa had requested held tightly in her arms. 

“Why is he even here?” she asked, deciding to outright ignore Lucius’ presence in the room as she addressed her sister. Placing the bags down on the counter in the kitchen, Bellatrix continued, “Doesn’t he have an elsewhere to be; preferably at his _job_ , or whatever other mundane thing it is that he does to make himself not feel as completely useless as he actually is to the Dark Lord’s cause.”

Lucius’ expression darkened at that, but Narcissa just silently raised a hand behind her sister’s back towards her husband, shaking her head as she wordlessly requested that he not get into a fight right now.

“He’s taken the day off,” she explained, keeping her voice light so it could in no way be construed as confrontational. “He’s… supervising.”

“Supervising _what?_ ” Bellatrix asked, apparently thinking at first that it had to do with the items she was required to bring over, but when Narcissa pursed her lips in apology Bellatrix’s eyes hardened before she whipped around to face Lucius. “Oh, you _must_ be joking with this. What the fuck do you think I’m going to do, bend her over the bloody counter?!”

“You’ve actually had your tongue in my wife’s mouth before and you think I’m going to leave you _alone_ with her?” Lucius countered, exhaling a disbelieving laugh. “Not bloody likely. If you want to regain that privilege, then you’re going to have to convince me that you’re not a threat to our relationship.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Bellatrix shot back, looking at Lucius like she couldn’t fathom how he had reached _that_ conclusion. “I haven’t had my tongue anywhere near your damn—”

“It’s… it’s okay, Bella; I told him the truth,” Narcissa interrupted as she placed a comforting hand on her sister’s arm, feeling her heart begin to beat unevenly in her chest as she started to panic a little; she hadn’t had time to coordinate her lies with Bellatrix, so her sister had no _idea_ what she had even told him. The brunette just stared at her and Narcissa stared back, begging her with her eyes to just _figure it out,_ because if Bellatrix began to sound confused or said the wrong thing then Lucius would know she lied to him again.

Thankfully, Bellatrix either seemed to know what Narcissa was begging her to do, or came to the conclusion herself on how she could find out, and as she continued to stare at her sister, her back facing Lucius, Bellatrix covertly reached for her wand underneath her robes as she tried to buy them some time with, “Oh, _did you,_ now? Because correct me if I’m wrong, Cissy, but I don’t fucking remember telling you that I wanted that _prat_ knowing anything about my business!”

The nonverbal Legilimency spell she was hit with was a tad disorienting, but because Narcissa _willingly_ opened her mind to her sister and guided her to what she needed to see, it wasn’t as bad as it usually was. She just hoped Lucius couldn’t tell that her eyes were a bit unfocused as she looked at her sister, despite seeing nothing besides the memories she was showing her right then. “It’s my business too, Bella, and Lucius is my _husband_ —!”

Thankfully, Bellatrix was an accomplished Legilimens and found what she needed quickly and efficiently. As she pulled herself out of her sister’s mind she shot her a look like she was _infuriated_ with her for doing something like this, but she let it go for the moment and continued the act Narcissa needed her to put on right then. “You had no _right_ to tell him what I said to you that night!” she shouted at her, pointing at her furiously as she ‘assumed’ what this situation called for her to assume.

“I didn’t!” Narcissa denied, hoping their argument was convincing her husband of the legitimacy of this. “I didn’t tell him the specifics, Bella, I swear, but he wanted to know everything and I—”

“You best not have told him that _I_ kissed _you_ ,” Bellatrix interrupted furiously, still accusing her of all sorts of things despite knowing the answers to them. “Because that was all you, Cissy, and I will not sit here and take the blame for that when you _fucked_ me by doing that and then…” She pursed her lips then, attempting to look upset with Narcissa for what she had ‘supposedly’ done that night. Shaking her head, Bellatrix pushed herself off the counter before rounding on Lucius.

“What does this even fucking matter?” she demanded, looking at Lucius like this was _his_ fault. “It was five bloody years ago. Don’t you think that if your wife was going to stick her tongue down my throat again that she would have done it before now?!”

Narcissa’s cheeks flushed a deep red at that, hating how Bellatrix made this seem like it was _her_ fault. But she had set it up as though it was hers in the first place in order to not make it seem like Bellatrix was to blame for any of this, but her sister noticed her getting embarrassed by even just the mere mention of them kissing in front of her husband and her eyes flashed dangerously. God, she was going to pay for that reaction later, and she knew it; she could see in Bellatrix’s expression that she had offended her. 

“What, _ashamed_ of what you did, are you?” the brunette responded scathingly. “Perhaps you shouldn’t have fucked with my head then, if you can’t handle the fall out.”

“Jesus, _stop!_ ” Narcissa begged, unable to handle this any longer. “I wasn’t trying to fuck with your head when I did that, Bella, I just thought—” She exhaled a helpless sound of frustration, tangling her hands in her own hair. “See, this is why we don’t fucking talk about it!” Narcissa shouted at her husband instead. “This is why we sodding ignore it, so can we all please just go back to doing that?! I can’t deal with the two of you right now; all this stress is putting a strain on the baby!”

That, at least, caused them both to stop; despite the fact that all of them knew that the child inside of her wouldn’t have much of a life at all, they still needed it to be _born_ , and if they kept stressing Narcissa out, they might put that at risk. So Bellatrix just exhaled an infuriated breath, turning away from them both as she responded, “Screw this. I’m not going to subject myself to this kind of shit anymore; if you don’t want me around, then I won’t be.”

“Good,” Lucius murmured beneath his breath, apparently much more fond of the idea of Bellatrix out of their lives all together, but his wife ignored him. This wasn’t his decision to make. 

“No, Bella!” Narcissa pleaded, desperate for her to not go as she grasped for her sister’s hand. “Please, I’m—I’m sorry. I know that this is… that this isn’t an ideal or comfortable situation for you, but I need you right now, so please don’t—”

“Yeah? Well maybe you should have fucking thought about that before you allowed that wank to practically _parade_ around his ownership of you all over your sodding neck,” Bellatrix snapped, causing Narcissa to look down in shame, because she _had_ allowed him to do that. She knew it would upset Bellatrix, but she wanted Lucius to feel validated. “You want me to go back to ignoring it? Then stop fucking doing shit I can’t ignore, because this was a _challenge_ and you bloody well know it.”

Narcissa swallowed hard, but realized her sister had a point; Lucius _had_ issued a challenge to her, and it was taking every shred of self-control that Bellatrix had not to take him up on it; because she was certain she would win. In the end though, the only reason why she didn’t was because it would cause her sister to lose _everything,_ and they both knew it. 

Bellatrix had been constantly allowing herself to get emotionally kicked around for _her_ benefit, and what was Narcissa doing for her in return? Nothing. 

She was just making it worse.

“You’re right,” she breathed, feeling awfully guilty for allowing Lucius to do this to her. “…I’m really sorry.” She shot a look at her husband then and demanded that he return the same courtesy in kind. “Lucius, apologize to her.” 

Lucius looked at her like she had grown a second head. He actually laughed out loud at that, the sound disbelieving and angry. “You must be sodding _joking—_ ”

“Do I sound like I’m joking?” Narcissa snapped, her eyes growing hard. “How would you like it if the positions were reversed? If you were in love with me but _Bellatrix_ was the one who had me, constantly parading the fact that she could fuck me in front of _your_ face? That’s cruel, Lucius, so do as I say and _apologize._ ”

Lucius looked completely affronted that he was actually expected to do this, but knew that if he did not then it would cause another slew of problems between him and his wife, and they already had more than enough of those as it was. “Fine,” he begrudgingly conceded. “I’m _sorry._ ” It sounded more sarcastic than anything else, but it was enough; at least he had said the words.

Bellatrix though, of course, responded to that by flipping him off. Narcissa exhaled a resigned sigh.

“Is this what my life is going to be now?” she asked, looking at the two of them like they were nothing more than two misbehaving children. They certainly were acting like it. “Because I don’t have the energy to keep refereeing your bloody feud.”

“You probably should have thought about that before you opened your fat mouth about that sodding baby then, shouldn’t you have? If you hadn’t told him it was mine—”

“No, _no_ , you do not get to put this on me!” Narcissa exclaimed, pointing at her warningly. “You’re the one who had to tell him that you were in _love_ with me, just because you got off on seeing the look of fucking horror on his face! Well, are you still getting off on it _now?_ Look at what your stupid little confession has reaped, Bellatrix—”

“Don’t you fucking dare belittle my feelings for you by calling them _stupid_ , Narcissa—!”

“Alright, enough, _both of you!_ ” Lucius shouted, sick of all the arguing. It was as though none of them could get along anymore, but to be fair, they all knew far too much about one another now than they really ever should have. “God, this is… this is fucking _insane,_ ” he breathed, looking at them both like he couldn’t believe he ever got put in the middle of this kind of situation. “And _believe_ me, nobody likes this situation less than I do—”

“I really fucking doubt that,” Bellatrix grumbled underneath her breath, causing Narcissa to smack her sister’s arm in retaliation because, why did she _always_ have to make everything with Lucius into a competition? Her sister responded to the smack with one of her own immediately afterwards however, and hers was much harder.

“—Ow!”

Lucius looked at them like they had to be joking with this. “Yeah, alright, and _I’m_ the one who’s childish,” he snapped, causing Bellatrix to just roll her eyes in response as Narcissa massaged the part of her arm her sister had hit. “But my point is that Narcissa’s right; she’s carrying a bloody child right now and we can’t keep putting her through this much stress. So as much as it fucking pains me, and _believe me,_ it does… we have to shelve all of this for now. Is that understood?”

“What are you, my fucking father now?” Bellatrix countered, apparently not fond of the way Lucius used such a phrase at the end of his suggestion. “Don’t try to pretend you can order me around, Lucius; I’ll do what I do because it suits me, not because it bloody benefits _you._ ”

“Oh, I’m sorry, would you _rather_ that your sister miscarries the fucking baby that’s going to save all of our arses instead?” Lucius snapped, causing Bellatrix’s eyes to flash in warning. “Because if you keep putting this kind of shit on her, she’s going to.”

“Wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you there,” Bellatrix responded, her tone scathingly sarcastic as she placed a hand up next to her ear. “The baby that will do _what_ now?” Lucius tensed his jaw, but said nothing, knowing exactly what Bellatrix’s point was. 

“You fucking _owe_ me,” Bellatrix seethed, crossing the distance between them to get right up into his face. “And what do I get in thanks? Supervised fucking visits and you practically slapping my sister around your with your cock.”

“I did _not_ slap Narcissa around with my bloody—”

“Well you may as fucking well have!”

“I can’t—Jesus, I can’t do this anymore,” Narcissa exhaled, sounding completely overwhelmed as her hands clasped the sides of her head. She was starting to feel utterly helpless, which in turn was making her feel a little faint. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want _them_ to be here. “I... I think I need to lie down. Lucius, go… God, just go to work, and Bella, please go home. I don’t want either of you around me right now; all this arguing is making me feel sick.”

Suddenly, it was like the other didn’t even exist anymore to her two lovers, and all of their focus was on her, concerned, _now_ , after bloody fucking everything. But their words of apology and their attempts to actually be helpful for once fell on deaf ears as Narcissa pulled away from both of them, not swaying from her decision, “You both heard what I asked you to do; go!”

And although they continued to bicker with one another until they were all the way out the front door – blaming one another, of course, for being kicked out of the house – they did eventually leave her in peace, allowing Narcissa to climb the stairs and barricade herself inside of her bedroom. 

She flopped down on her bed face first, lying on her stomach as she bunched up the duvet into her hands and held it to her chest. Her vanity was in the far corner of the room, its long center low enough for her to see part of her reflection in its mirror, and as Narcissa finally laid eyes on herself, she suddenly began to cry. 

All of this… _it was her fault._

Narcissa didn’t know how long she cried for; it felt like hours of her running through every awful thing she had done to the two people she loved inside of her head, finding each and every terrible thing she had done to blame for where she was at in her life right now. Because none of this would have happened if it wasn’t for her, right? _She_ pursued Bellatrix, _she_ forced her into a relationship that Bellatrix told her over and over was fucked up and wrong, and yet… and yet there Bellatrix was, being called the sick one; being looked at like she was something vile and _disgusting,_ when it was Narcissa’s fault that she was even this way in the first place.

And she should have just been honest with Lucius from the beginning – perhaps not about Bellatrix, but about what she had sacrificed in order to save her – and yet instead, because she had never known how to deal with her own problems in any kind of healthy or sane manner, she hid it for six sodding years, pretending like it didn’t exist instead of actually trying to _fix_ it.

Narcissa knew she was a terrible person. For years she tried to convince herself that she wasn’t, that it was everyone else around who was awful and abusive, and perhaps they were, but she wasn’t any better. Both Bellatrix _and_ Lucius felt stuck with her because she somehow fucked with their heads so badly that they couldn’t imagine truly leaving her, and instead of being a good person and letting them go in order to allow them to make their own life choices, she just held onto them tighter, because she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone.

Even if everyone else around her was miserable, so long as Narcissa wasn’t alone, then the bottom line was that she just… she didn’t care. And that was… that was _sick._ That was awful.

She was so deep into her tears and sorrow that Narcissa almost didn’t hear it, but the faint sound of the floorboards creaking behind her caused her to quickly look up, her gaze landing on her sister’s form standing beside the bed in the mirror’s reflection. The blonde placed a hand over her mouth to stifle another sob, but instead of responding to the scene she was presented with, all Bellatrix did was cross her arms over her chest. “You didn’t _really_ expect me to do as I was told, did you?” 

And no… no, perhaps not. Bellatrix wouldn’t be Bellatrix if she had.

Narcissa said nothing though. She was crying too hard, and after what seemed to be an incredibly long staring match, she finally watched her sister exhale a rather impatient yet resigned breath as Bellatrix lightly rolled her eyes and crawled into bed beside her. “Please shut up,” she muttered irritably, wrapping an arm around her sister’s torso as she pulled her towards her; comforting her, even though she had every bloody reason imaginable to be infuriated with her right now. “You know I hate it when you do that.”

Another sob hitched in the back of Narcissa’s throat and she covered her mouth as she tried to stifle it, feeling more tears trace their way down her cheeks. “I’m—I’m sorry,” she struggled to get out, needing her sister to know that she did, at the very least, feel guilt for what she had done. “You don’t deserve me; I’m fucking everything up, you don’t deserve—”

“No, I’m pretty sure we both deserve each other, Cissy,” Bellatrix corrected her, hand gently tracing the dip in her sister’s waist. She rested her chin on her shoulder then, looking at Narcissa’s reflection in the mirror as she voiced the thing the blonde knew to be true, but didn’t want to face. “But not because we’re good people.”

Another tear escaped Narcissa’s eye then and caught on her nose, and as Narcissa buried her face in the duvet not only in order to wipe it off of her, but to hide from the rest of the world, she took a shuddered inhale of breath that the woman atop her felt flow through her entire body. “I took it too far,” she breathed, knowing Bellatrix was upset with her for that. She looked _infuriated_ once she had seen what she had done, after all.

But instead of screaming at her, Bellatrix just kept her voice fairly level as she confirmed, “Yeah, you really fucking did.” Her fingers idly played with the ends of Narcissa’s hair, her lips pursed for a long moment as she seemed to be coaching herself in her head not to start another shouting match with her sister, as it was obvious Narcissa couldn’t handle it. Still, she had to mention, “I can’t believe you told him that when you rejected me I _cried._ Now he’s gonna think I’m some kind of pussy arse _girl._ ”

“You _are_ a girl, you moron,” Narcissa responded with a small, amused chuckle at her sister’s insistency otherwise. Her voice was hoarse, broken and fragile, but the tears were beginning to slow as her sister continued to gently rake her fingers through her hair. It was more comforting than Bellatrix probably even realized; no doubt she was only doing it to distract herself from yelling at her, after all. She had always been rather accidentally emotionally competent though.

Bellatrix scoffed at that claim, but did not dispute it. Narcissa was idly chewing on her thumbnail for a long, silent moment before she told her in a whisper, “I was just… trying to do what you did; give him a little truth, so he wouldn’t go looking for more. He was convinced there were more things I was hiding from him and I didn’t—I didn’t know what else to say…”

“Pretty much anything other than _that_ would have sufficed. It’s one thing for him to think I desire you, it’s another to know that I’ve touched you.”

“It was only one kiss—”

“It doesn’t matter,” Bellatrix responded, cutting her off mid-sentence. “We crossed a line, and that’s all he’s gonna see; because if you’re willing to even do just _one_ thing with me, Narcissa, he’s going to fear that you’d be willing to do more.”

“Well he wouldn’t be wrong, would he?” Narcissa responded darkly, her eyes closing as she hugged the duvet she still had bunched in her arms tighter to her form. She didn’t know what to do anymore; she felt like she had done everything wrong, and she had no idea how to fix it anymore.

“I’m the disgusting one,” she breathed sadly, apologetically. She opened her eyes once more, her gaze landing on her sister’s in the reflection of the mirror. “I’m the one that pushed for this relationship, and yet you have to be the one to deal with everyone looking at you like you’re some sort of—”

“Don't play the martyr, Cissy; it doesn’t suit you,” Bellatrix interrupted, her tone a bit more irritated now. “I desired you long before I even had you, so stop with this ridiculous selective memory you like to have just so you can make yourself out to be some kind of eternal fuck up. I’m wondering if you’re starting to do it on purpose just so you can never be blamed when everything goes to shit, because you want me to believe it’s your default.”

Narcissa was _grievously_ offended by that, but when she opened her mouth to retort, no words actually fell from her lips. Instead she made this kind of indignant noise that almost sounded a bit like a squawk, and it sounded so bloody ridiculous that Bellatrix actually _laughed._ “So what, when you have nothing to say in your defense now you’re just going to make bird noises at me? Nice, Cissy.”

“Fuck off,” Narcissa seethed, this awful choking feeling making its way up her chest to settle in her throat. Angry tears began to leak from her eyes again and she tried, “I don’t… I’m not trying to make you think—”

“Yes you are, because you nourish all of your deep-seeded guilt on a steady diet of misplaced comfort and sympathy,” Bellatrix interrupted, her tone harsh and truthful as she practically slapped Narcissa in the face with the honesty of her own actions. “But you’re sucking us all fucking dry, and if you don’t stop, there’s going to be nothing left of either of us.”

Narcissa sucked in a sharp breath at that, her heart rate picking up as it continued its rapid pounding beneath her ribcage.

“And you don’t want that, do you? Because you can’t handle the thought of being alone.”

“ _Stop,_ ” Narcissa begged, her eyes falling closed again as she practically curled herself into the fetal position, her hands finally letting go of her duvet as she placed them over her ears. She couldn’t deal with Bellatrix dissecting her, not right now. But her sister was having none of that, and one of her arms was grabbed before she was forced onto her back, her eyes popping open to look at Bellatrix, who was staring down at her.

“ _You_ stop,” Bellatrix countered furiously. “Stop fucking pretending to be something you’re not; stop pretending that bad things just happen to you, and that you don’t orchestrate it all bloody purposely just so everyone constantly feels bad for you.”

“I _don’t!_ ” Narcissa cried, furiously pushing her sister off of her as she sat up straight in bed, her legs dangling over the edge as she fisted a hand in her tangled hair. Her breathing was coming out in hard, uneven bursts, and Narcissa felt trapped in her own body. “I don’t want this, Bella; I didn’t want _any_ of this!”

“Maybe not this,” Bellatrix conceded, at least realizing that even should Narcissa be doing _exactly_ what she believed, then it might just be subconsciously. “But you always need _something_ so that you’re always the bloody victim in your own fucked up little fairytale.”

Narcissa’s breathing shallowed, and she pressed her hand over her chest as she tried to coax herself to take deeper breaths in order to inhale more oxygen. Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, are you honestly faking some kind of panic attack right now? Grow up.”

“Fuck… _off,_ ” Narcissa seethed, still struggling to breathe properly as she stared at her own reflection in the far mirror. What she saw staring back at her though, she didn’t even recognize; it felt like Bellatrix had stripped her of all of her defenses that she had held onto for so long that she didn’t even know who she was without them, and that was entirely disorienting and did not, at _all_ , help with her breathing issue.

“Jesus,” Bellatrix muttered, looking exasperated by her as she climbed off the bed, moving around it to face her sister. She held out her hand in offering, but Narcissa just slapped it away and wouldn’t look at her. “You want to breathe normally again? Take my hand and stand the fuck up.”

But Narcissa refused to accommodate her, because it was _she_ who had caused this in the first place. Bellatrix had never been the type to take no as an answer though, and so instead of bringing Narcissa to her, she brought herself to Narcissa. Straddling her sister’s hips, Bellatrix sat astride her despite great protest, gently cupped her face, and immediately brought her lips to her. 

But instead of just kissing her, Bellatrix pushed her breath into her mouth, involuntarily filling Narcissa’s lungs. It was incredibly unexpected and so Narcissa had to pull her face away as she coughed, but her sister’s voice was soft as she took the blonde’s face into her hands and encouraged, “Work with me, Cissy; when I breathe out, you breathe in, and vice versa. Just do it, okay?”

She didn’t wait for an answer before she kissed her again, and this time she gave her a moment before she exhaled a large breathe of air into her mouth. Narcissa did as she was told and took it all in, but instead of making her feel better all it did was make her feel lightheaded as she exhaled it into her sister’s waiting mouth. 

“No,” she breathed, desperate for _actual_ oxygen as she sucked in a sharp breath and rested her forehead against her sister’s, feeling as though her head was swimming. “That’s not… it’s not helping, it’s just making me feel—”

“Like you need to breathe _actual_ air?” Bellatrix finished for her, one of her brows rising. “Good, it’s supposed to. Now keep breathing regularly, or else I’m going to do it to you again. You’ll probably only manage a couple until it starts to make you feel sick; a few more and you might even pass out completely.” 

Narcissa just kind of froze, horrified by Bellatrix’s backwards way of ‘fixing’ her, but her sister just finished uncaringly with, “If you honestly think that forcing yourself into a panic attack will make me turn around and comfort you instead of attack you, you are sadly mistaken. This was exactly what I was talking about; so if you want to play the game where you’re starved of oxygen, Cissy, I’ll make _damn_ sure that you actually are.”

“Oh my god, why are you so…” Narcissa whispered, her eyes closing as she tried to regulate her breathing. Her sister’s hand rested against her chest then, over her heart as she began to monitor her breathing patterns, and Narcissa just shook her head, feeling so utterly defeated. “You’re a… you’re an _awful_ fucking person.”

“Yes,” Bellatrix conceded softly, her lips pressed against her sister’s forehead as she felt the woman’s breathing begin to even out against her palm into a little more of a regular pattern. In the end, perhaps she was more in control of it than Narcissa had wanted both Bellatrix and herself to believe. “But so are you, love.”

Narcissa sniffled at that, burying her face in her sister’s neck momentarily as her hands fisted in her robes. “Yeah,” she agreed after a long silence, a tear slipping down her cheek to land on her sister’s skin as she held her. “Yeah, I am…”

Bellatrix, who was still perched atop her, just pursed her lips at that and tangled her fingers in her sister’s hair, keeping her held against her neck. The woman’s heartbeat beneath her pulse point was comforting, and Narcissa took a moment to just breathe as she stared at the far wall and tried to see herself from her sister’s point of view.

And she didn’t look good.

“I don’t…” Narcissa began softly, beginning to realize something as she not only looked at herself from an outside perspective, but at her life as a whole. “I don’t think I even know how to be anything but a victim, Bella. Mum made me one, you made me one, and then I just…” Exhaling a resigned sigh, she realized she really _didn’t_ have anyone else to blame as she admitted, “I made myself into one.”

“Do you know why?” Bellatrix asked quietly, and it sounded like she already knew the answer to that, yet wanted to see what Narcissa came up with instead. The blonde shrugged.

“I don’t know, because I’m a creature of habit?”

“No,” Bellatrix responded, pulling back a little so she could look down at her. Shifting a bit on her lap, Bellatrix brushed some of the hair out of her sister’s face as it was sticking to her wet cheeks and asked, “Think about it, Cissy; what happened after each and every time you were abused?”

Narcissa’s brow knit as she tried to think about it, but it didn’t actually take her that long to reach the answer she had been searching for. “Oh my god…” she breathed, horrified with herself, because her sister was _right._ “You… it was you. You fucking—even when it _was_ you who hurt me, you always tried to comfort me afterwards, like some kind of sick love/hate cycle, and now that you’re not really like that anymore, I’ve been…” But Narcissa just trailed off, shaking her head in disbelief, because how did she not realize?

“Jesus, it’s always been about _you_ , hasn’t it?” she continued as she looked up at her sister, almost as though she was accusing her of something. But in the end she really wasn’t; Narcissa knew that this was her fault, and hers alone. “Why am I so bloody _obsessed_ with you? There’s something wrong with me…”

“Well, yes, but that’s probably due to the generations of inbreeding in our lineage, love; and the fact that we got beaten for most of our bloody lives. Tends to fuck a person up.”

But Narcissa was barely listening to her, she just continued to stare at Bellatrix as though somehow she would find the answer to why she always revolves her bloody life around her written on her sodding forehead or something. None came to her though, and so instead she just exhaled a frustrated breath as she ran her hands down over her face. “I purposely sabotage my own life just so I can feel comforted by you,” Narcissa breathed, her voice disbelieving even as she said the actual words out loud. “That is the most… _fucked up_ thing…”

“Comforted, or because you want me to save you,” Bellatrix interjected, needing to make certain that Narcissa understood that she sometimes did that as well. “You have a bit of a damsel in distress complex, and apparently you’ve chosen me to play the part of your white bloody knight; which, if you think about it, is a bit ironic, considering what a shit person I am normally.”

Clearly, she had given a lot of thought to Narcissa’s motivations lately, and why wouldn’t she? She’d been on the receiving end of absolute _shit_ for most of them, and that was… God, that was her point, wasn’t it? Bellatrix had always saved her by throwing herself in the line of fire for her; when she used to physically shield her from their mother’s beatings, it had made Narcissa feel safe, it had made her feel loved and taken care of, and because of that it was like ever since then she was trying to make Bellatrix do something like that for her over and over again. 

And now she had thrown herself in the line of fire again in order to protect her; not only by giving her a child that would no doubt get her killed should the Dark Lord find out how it was conceived, but by throwing all of her feelings for Narcissa in Lucius’ face, just so he would be too distracted and consumed by the horror of it to focus on _Narcissa’s_ secrets and indiscretions. Bellatrix just kept… she just kept _saving_ her, over and over, and yet instead of thanking her for it, instead of _appreciating_ her for it, all Narcissa did was continuously make her own life worse so she could continue to suck her sister dry of all the love and affection she could give her. 

Narcissa suddenly felt ill.

“Jesus, get… get off of me,” she begged, hitting her sister’s shoulders as she encouraged her off of her lap. “Please, just… I need to…” And for once Bellatrix moved without question, allowing Narcissa to hoist herself to her feet before she began to pace back and forth. She eventually stopped however and just leaned against the vanity, looking up into the mirror to gaze at her sister’s reflection. A tear slipped down her cheek. “Why do you let me do this to you…?” Her voice was barely above a whisper; broken and hollow and regretful.

Bellatrix stared at her for a long moment, a myriad of emotions playing across her face. “…You know why,” she finally answered, and her voice was just as soft, just as shattered.

Narcissa closed her eyes and hung her head, feeling more hot tears roll down her cheeks. She had fucked her sister up; she had sacrificed _everything_ to make her better, only to ultimately screw her up in another way. Bellatrix was so in love with her, so _manipulated_ by her, that she could do nothing else _but_ whatever it was that Narcissa wished of her.

Taking a shuddered inhale of breath, Narcissa pushed herself off the vanity before turning around. It only took two long strides before she had reached her sister, and Narcissa grasped onto her face as she kissed her with every ounce of love and apology that she could muster. “I owe you everything,” Narcissa breathed against her lips, looking up into her eyes. “And you can have… you can have _anything_ you want from me for it in return, Bella, I swear… I fucking swear to you…”

But Bellatrix just rolled her eyes at that, stepping away from Narcissa and leaving her feeling cold and alone. “I’m not fucking telling you this so I can make you do some weird arse shit in bed, or whatever it is that you think I’m going to request of you for this crap,” Bellatrix told her. It almost sounded like she was _lecturing_ her, and the severe reversal of what their roles in each other’s lives used to be took Narcissa aback for a second. Even though she knew where they both stood now, it was still a bit jarring to hear.

“I just want you to be aware of it, so you can quit fucking manipulating me,” Bellatrix told her. “Because this has gone too far, Cissy; this has gone _way_ too sodding far, and our lives are falling to bloody shreds because of it. And you can believe me or not, but I know you’re about two seconds away from telling your damned husband that you’re in love with me or something, just so you can keep piling on the goddamn drama. You’ve sunk too far, let this cycle bloody consume you, and now you’re drowning in it.”

Narcissa swallowed hard, turning away from her momentarily to approach the large, double-hung window next to her bed, gently leaning against the wall as she looked down at her property below. She didn’t know if her sister was right, if she really would tell Lucius something like that, just to get what it was that she craved. She wanted to believe that she never would, but right then, she just didn’t know anymore. She certainly seemed to do a lot of _other_ screwed up things subconsciously, so how would she ever really know anyway? It wasn’t as though she really thought about this stuff beforehand.

“How do I stop…?” Narcissa finally asked in a whisper, turning her head over her shoulder to look at her sister, who had sat herself down on the mattress.

Bellatrix’s expression when she asked that though was far from sympathetic or understanding. “I don’t fucking know; what do I look like to you, your bloody therapist?” she responded, as though Narcissa was stupid to ever ask for _help_ from her. “Look, all I came here to do was to tell you to fucking stop; I never promised some magic fix-it. It’s not _my_ head, Cissy; I don’t know what the hell goes on in there. Figure it out, yeah? Preferably before we have to flee the goddamn country because everyone finds out we’re in an incestuous lesbian relationship.”

“I wouldn’t tell—” 

“Everyone?” Bellatrix finished for her. “No, you wouldn’t, but one person tells two more, who tells two _more_ , and a week later everyone will know our fucking business; so that little self-sabotaging habit of yours needs to end now, because I don’t want to be taken down with you.”

Narcissa exhaled a disbelieving scoff at that. “ _You’re_ the one who wanted Rodolphus to know, just so that we could be who we are inside of your bloody house. I’m not the one telling people here, Bella.”

“No? Then why does Lucius know that we’ve kissed before?”

Narcissa pursed her lips, shaking her head as she looked back out the window. “It’s not the same.”

“No, it’s _worse,_ ” Bellatrix told her, getting off the bed to cross the space between them. Her hand went to her sister’s shoulder then, encouraging her to turn and look at her. “Rodolphus and I don’t love each other, Cissy; most days we can’t even stand to be in the same _room_ as one another. Telling him didn’t ruin our relationship, because we didn’t _have_ one to ruin in the first place. I had nothing to lose and, as much as I despise the reality of it, you, love, unfortunately have _everything_ to lose.”

Narcissa was silent for a long time, just watching the trees below rustle with the light summer breeze. Bellatrix gently brushed the hair from her neck, her hand stiffening a little from the marks she saw that littered her skin. To her credit though, she didn’t say anything more on what Lucius had done to her last night. Instead she just said, “Just think about it, yeah? Figure out a way to make yourself stop doing this shit, that’s all I’m asking.”

Narcissa pursed her lips and nodded, silently promising that she would try. In the end, it was the only thing she could promise her.

The two sisters were quiet for a moment until finally Bellatrix changed the subject and asked, “Did you take any of the supplements you had me bring you?” Narcissa turned, looking up at her. She had forgotten why she had Bellatrix come over in the first place, and she shook her head in response. “Well then go do that. Also, why the hell did you make me get you a book about home births? Why wouldn’t you just go to the hospital? Seems a lot bloody easier if you ask me.”

_Oh._ Right, her sister still didn’t know what their plan was. Sighing softly, Narcissa pushed herself off the wall and walked away from the window, realizing that she was probably torturing herself anyway by looking at the outdoors when she couldn’t go out there anyway.

“We fired our midwife,” she told her sister. “We… told her that I had a miscarriage. So we need—”

“What, _why?_ ” Bellatrix asked, interrupting her before Narcissa could even properly explain, as per usual. Narcissa exhaled a long breath and turned towards her.

“Because Lucius and I, we can’t… we can’t _do_ this, Bella,” Narcissa tried to explain, her voice a little strained. “We can’t go out into the world and pretend that we’re happy and everything’s great when it’s _not._ I don’t want to pretend that I’m excited about a baby I can’t keep, and neither does he. So we… we decided that instead, nobody would know that I was ever pregnant.”

Bellatrix just stared at her for a moment, looking at her as though everyone’s obliviousness on the subject was a ridiculous thing to hope for. “And how exactly do you plan to achieve that?” she asked, not getting what Narcissa was trying to explain to her. “You don’t exactly have the body type where people are just going to think you’re getting _fat,_ Cissy.”

“No, Bella, that’s not—” Narcissa tried, but just cut herself off with a long sigh, pushing the hair back from her face before she spelled it out plain as day to the woman in front of her. “I needed those supplements, that _book_ because… because I can’t leave the house anymore. Lucius is going to tell people that I’ve become dreadfully ill and am now bedridden, and I’m hiding myself away until the baby is born.”

“What the— are you _joking?_ Bellatrix responded, looking at Narcissa like she had to be insane for even considering something like that. “Cissy, you’re going to drive yourself bloody mental if you lock yourself up for that long. Five months in isolation is a long fucking time.”

“I know how long it is, Bella, but it’s easier on us emotionally if we just—”

But Bellatrix wasn’t done. “And what if something happens during the delivery? Like the fucking cord ends up around the baby’s neck or you start hemorrhaging or—what the hell are we supposed to do then? Because in case it’s escaped your notice, neither Lucius nor myself are Healers. I’m more skilled when it comes to destroying things and Lucius is… well, he’s just fucking useless.”

Narcissa went a bit white at that; she hadn’t thought of those things. Still, that didn’t change anything; in the end, it was imperative no one knew. “We’ll cross that road if we come to it,” Narcissa answered, trying not to make herself worry about the ‘what ifs’. “If worse comes to worse, one of you can pop out to get a Healer and then… take care of them when we’re done.”

Bellatrix’s eyebrows nearly shot off her head. “You’re advocating for _murder_ to silence people now? How unlike you.”

“I didn’t say to kill anyone!” Narcissa defended, looking at Bellatrix like she had to be mad if she actually thought she was condoning something like that. Did she know her at all? “Jesus, Bella, why do you always have to be so extreme about everything? Obliviate would work just as well, you know.”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes, letting Narcissa know just how little she respected her opinion on the matter. “Then why can’t we just kidnap a Healer and Obliviate them in the first place?” she countered. “Plan B needs to be Plan A, because none of us knows the first goddamn thing about childbirth.”

“That’s why we have the books,” Narcissa responded because, well, _obviously._ “And we’re not getting other people involved if we don’t have to; you know as well as I do that it’s far too risky. There’s too many variables, and I don’t want it to get out that I was holed up pregnant in here when Lucius was telling people I was sick; you know that’ll raise too many questions that we don’t want, not to mention destroy my reputation.” 

“Oh, well if your precious _reputation_ is at risk…”

“It’s not just about that and you know it; don’t try to make this out like I’m being vain when I’m trying to find the least emotionally painful way to give birth to _your_ child that we’re practically going to use as a human fucking sacrifice,” Narcissa spat, putting an emphasis on what was going to happen to the child, because she needed Bellatrix to realize how that made her feel, and why she was doing this. 

Bellatrix didn’t respond. Instead she exhaled a long breath as she began to pace, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I can’t believe you’re going to make me deliver a fucking baby,” she muttered after a long moment, looking a little bit ill at the prospect. After all, taking people _out_ of this world was her forte; helping people _into_ it however… well, that was an entirely different story.

Narcissa put her hands on her hips. Why did her sister always assume that she was going to be forced into helping her? Okay, yes, _perhaps_ she kept forcing Bellatrix to be her savior over and over, but she had wanted her to stop, did she not? And besides, it wasn’t as though Narcissa didn’t have a perfectly capable husband. “Actually, I’m fairly certain I didn’t say that I was going to make you—”

“Oh, get a clue, Cissy,” Bellatrix practically snapped, rounding on her. “Do you actually think _Lucius_ is going to be able to stomach something like that? He gets nauseous at the sight of blood!” Narcissa looked at her, surprised by that information. She hadn’t known that.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” Bellatrix continued off of her sister’s look. She let out a short laugh. “No, of course he wouldn’t, because that would make him seem weak. Honestly, Cissy, why did you think the Dark Lord stuck him in the Ministry? He can’t be on the front lines of this war, because he’s just not fucking built for it. So yeah, if it’s between me and him? I’m the one delivering that damn child.”

Narcissa pursed her lips into a thin line. “I don’t think Lucius is going to be happy about you being… well, _down there,_ ” she reminded her, because she was fairly certain that the last place Lucius wanted Bellatrix anywhere _near_ was between her legs.

Bellatrix just shot her a look like she had to be kidding her with that. “You’re going to have a bloody, slimy, wailing fucking child practically tearing you open on its way out of your cunt, and you actually think that he’s going to believe this will _turn me on?_ Honestly, you’ll be lucky if I even want to touch you again after that shit show. That is _not_ my idea of porn.”

Narcissa shot her an indignant look after that, but did not lecture her sister on the ‘miracle of life’ because, in the end, what they were doing would in no way be beautiful; it was dark, and it was horrible, and it made her sick just thinking about it. 

“Whatever,” Bellatrix exhaled, waving that off. “I’ll deal with it; I’ve got a picture to remind me of how your cunt _used_ to look anyway. Maybe that’ll help erase the horrific memories or…” She side-eyed Narcissa, her gaze falling to the apex of her thighs, “the unfortunate results thereafter.” 

“Oh my god, having a baby isn’t going to permanently _deform_ me down there, you know,” Narcissa responded, exasperated by how big of a deal Bellatrix was making about this.

“Depends how it comes out of you,” Bellatrix reminded her. “If you have an easy birth, then it’ll be fine, but if you don’t…” She trailed off, giving her a knowing look. Narcissa began to feel a little ill, now imagining all of the horrible ways that birthing this child could go wrong. 

“Look, just… fucking tell your idiot husband that he’s on potion duty and I can deal with the rest,” Bellatrix told her, apparently accepting her new role as her sister’s midwife. “Because he might not be good at a lot, but I know he’s decent in potion making, and you’re going to need something for the pain. Not to mention that if you’re trying to keep this a secret, Cissy, it’ll probably be better if we brewed our _own_ supplements for this pregnancy. There’s no paper trail that way. Well,” she amended, thinking that over, “less of one, anyway.”

Narcissa nodded, agreeing with her sister’s game plan. She just hoped that in the end Lucius would as well, otherwise she was setting herself up for another round of never ending fights, and she really couldn’t handle that right now. “Bella?” she inquired, peering up at her sister. Bellatrix turned to face her then, and Narcissa shot her a small, grateful smile. “Thank you,” she said softly, wanting her sister to know that, despite how it might seem sometimes, she was grateful for her. “Thank you for always helping me, even if sometimes I don’t deserve it.”

“Neither of us deserves anything, Cissy; except probably for karma to finally bite us in the arse one day,” Bellatrix dismissed, trying to downplay her sister’s gratitude for some reason. It didn’t last though, as when she glanced at Narcissa and realized her dismissal of that had hurt her, Bellatrix pursed her lips before amending softly, “Besides… you’re my baby sister. You’ve always been my responsibility, Cissy; and in the end, if I’m not going to protect you, if I’m not going to _help_ you… then who the bloody hell else will?”

Narcissa smiled softly at that, but Bellatrix just looked a little embarrassed by her own sentiment, which of course caused her to grow a little grumpy. She rolled her eyes then – at herself, no doubt – but before she could downplay _that_ as well, Narcissa sought to make her feel a little more comfortable. “You know,” she drawled, playing with the collar of her sister’s robes. “This whole ‘protective older sibling’ thing makes me kind of hot…”

Bellatrix smirked, amused by how that sounded. “That is entirely fucked up; you know that, right?” But Narcissa just answered that with a smirk of her own and a careless shrug.

“Don’t pretend as though you don’t enjoy it.”

“And don’t pretend as though you actually think I’m going to touch you right now when you’ve got _his_ marks all over you,” Bellatrix countered, causing Narcissa’s lips to turn down into a frown. “Just go take your supplements, Cissy; I should get back home anyway, just in case Lucius decides to show up unannounced. You know he’ll flip his shit if he realizes I was alone with you, and we can’t afford anymore drama where our relationship is concerned.”

“So what, you’re actually going to _listen_ to him?” Narcissa asked, absolutely taken aback by that, because Bellatrix had always gone out of her way to defy Lucius. It was like a game for her. “Only be around me when _he_ deems it appropriate? Because that could be never, Bella, and I can’t—I’m gonna be locked up here for _months,_ I don’t… I don’t want to be alone…”

“Then tell him that, but in the meantime, _yes_ , we’re going to play by his rules,” Bellatrix responded, her tone leaving no room for an argument. “You fucked us, Cissy, and therefore this is the price you’re going to pay for it. I’m not pushing the boundaries even more then we already have; that’s foolish.”

Narcissa looked upset by that, because this was the last thing she wanted, but Bellatrix just kissed her on the forehead in apology. “Convince him to let me stay with you and I will, alright?” she tried, needing to motivate her sister to at least get permission. “But until then, I’m staying away unless he’ll be around to watch us like the paranoid little ant that he is. It’s just safer for us that way.”

Narcissa exhaled a defeated sigh, but did not protest her sister’s ruling on that matter. In the end, perhaps it really was best. So she just nodded her silent compliance hoping that, eventually, Lucius would allow them to be alone together.

She wasn’t about to hold her breath over it though.

**TBC…**


	16. XVI. Summer 1977 – Autumn 1977

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really sorry about how infrequent updates have been lately, but I’ve been juggling a new job whilst being really sick for the past few weeks. I’m unsure when I’ll get around to writing more, but I swear I’ll try when I can finally find the time.

  
**CHAPTER SIXTEEN  
Summer 1977 – Autumn 1977**

EIGHTEEN WEEKS PREGNANT   


“No. Absolutely not.”

Narcissa pursed her lips into a thin line. She knew Lucius wouldn’t be receptive to this, but it wasn’t as though they had any other options. Her gaze shifted to her sister who was sprawled into one of the large recliners in the corner, feet hanging over one of the armrests with her nose in one of Narcissa’s pregnancy books. The blonde had expected Bellatrix to say something once Lucius shut them down, but it didn’t even seem like she was listening. Narcissa sighed, turning back to her husband.

“Lucius, I know that this isn’t… _ideal,_ “ that was probably an understatement given the circumstances, but regardless, “but considering only the two of you know about my pregnancy, that leaves us with little opt—”

“ _Rodolphus_ is aware, is he not?” Lucius countered, causing Narcissa to immediately look horrified by the suggestion. “I’m sorry, Narcissa, but I would feel much more comfortable if he—”

“Well this isn’t about your sodding comfort!” Narcissa snapped, her temper overriding her good sense for a moment. Where Bellatrix was concerned, she really did need be very delicate about matters, but there was no _way_ she was letting Rodolphus anywhere _near_ her vagina. “In case you’ve forgotten, Lucius, _I’ll_ be the one to push an eight-pound human being out of my goddamn cervix, and I refuse to go through that ordeal with a midwife I don’t trust nor am bloody comfortable with!”

“Well then we need to find another solution, because I am not letting _her_ anywhere near your…” Lucius began, before not really knowing what word for her genitalia would be appropriate during this conversation, and instead wildly gestured at the area between her thighs, “ _that._ “

Narcissa’s expression leveled. _That?_ Very mature.

Surprisingly, Bellatrix said nothing, even when directly spoken about by Lucius in a negative way. She just continued to quickly flip through the book in her lap as though she were looking for something. Sensing she would be getting no help from her sister on this matter, Narcissa steeled her resolve and addressed her husband once more.

“I’m going to be delivering a _baby,_ Lucius; I highly doubt that’s my sister’s version of porn.”

“I don’t _care,_ “ Lucius responded furiously. “I will not have her seeing that part of you, so if you need a damn midwife that badly, then _I’ll_ be the one helping you through the birth. I don’t care what she says, she is _not—_ “ But Lucius stopped then, all too aware that Bellatrix hadn’t started screaming at him yet, which was… well, odd. Bellatrix never missed a chance to defend herself nor demean him while she was at it, and therefore her silence unnerved him.

“Are you even listening?” Lucius snapped, looking over at Bellatrix. Her expression had masked into one of slight horror as she stared at something in the pregnancy book. “And what the hell are you looking at that’s so goddamn important?”

“My counterargument,” Bellatrix responded simply before tossing him the book. It landed on his lap in a heap. “Page 248.”

Lucius’ eyes narrowed, but he grabbed the book and quickly flipped to the designated page. He immediately turned a bit green. “Oh, dear God,” he breathed in horror, immediately throwing the book away from him, as though putting distance between it and him might be able to purge his mind of whatever image he had been confronted with. Bellatrix looked amused.

“Still want to deliver that baby?”

“No, no… I’m—I’m going to stay at her head,” Lucius practically stuttered, looking absolutely scarred and quite possibly a tad ill. Narcissa’s eyes narrowed, curious as to what had caused him to look that way, and made a grab for the book. “You… you can deal with that. I don’t…” He trailed off then, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Narcissa flipped to the page Bellatrix had said, her eyes immediately widening at the sight. It was… Jesus, bloody and—God, for the first time in Narcissa’s life she wished they had still photographs like Muggles, because the fact that the picture _moved_ made it ten times worse as Narcissa saw a vagina stretch far wider than should ever be allowed, this huge head coming out of— “I can’t… you expect me to _do_ this?!” she practically screeched, horrified by the concept herself. It looked so incredibly painful. 

“Unless you want me to slice open your stomach which, let’s face it, I am in no way qualified to do, this is _exactly_ what you’re going to do,” Bellatrix responded, looking a bit sour herself over what she was being forced to do. “Which, by the way, thank you for choosing _me_ to witness your horror porn. I’m going to have to scrub my brain with bleach after this whole ordeal.”

“Only sodding reason I’m letting you do this,” Lucius muttered, still pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed. He was probably trying to fight off waves of nausea. “I hope it scars your image of her, then maybe you won’t want to do disgusting shit to my wife.”

Bellatrix narrowed her eyes. “For that, once she passes her mucus plug, I’m fucking throwing it at you.”

Lucius actually looked like he was about to vomit now, and he covered his mouth as he got up and practically fled to the bathroom. Narcissa shot her sister a decidedly unamused look at her for that. “Must you?”

Bellatrix just snickered, causing Narcissa to sigh softly. Of course she must. To be fair though, Lucius really needed to learn to stop bringing that shit up; hadn’t they agreed to shelve it for now?

“Maybe if he didn’t insist on being an utter twat, I’d—” Bellatrix began before cutting herself off, noticing the way her sister practically jumped in her seat, clutching her abdomen. “What? What is it; what’s wrong?”

“I…” Narcissa began, looking a little startled by what she had felt. It was… strange; like a sort of fluttering, yet nothing at all like simple nerves. “I don’t— oh!” she exclaimed, feeling it for the second time. “It happened again! I think…” But the conclusion that formulated in Narcissa’s mind quickly caused her to go from excited to devastated. She placed a hand over her mouth.

“…Oh,” Bellatrix breathed, starting to understand now. “Shit.” Her elbows slid to her knees, allowing her fingers to steeple against her mouth as an expression of concern etched across her features. She knew what this was doing to Narcissa. “You just felt it move for the first time, didn’t you?”

Although Narcissa wasn’t entirely certain, she still nodded her confirmation anyhow. She remembered reading about how it would feel the first time, and this seemed fairly accurate. In the end though, she prayed it really was just nerves or maybe something having a bit of trouble digesting because God, she couldn’t bear this. It was easy to forget what being pregnant really _meant_ until things like this happened. 

It reminded Narcissa that what she was carrying was alive, and because she knew she would in turn be responsible for its death, that thought sickened her. 

“Hey,” Bellatrix encouraged, causing Narcissa to look up at her. The blonde’s eyes were beginning to water, and her sister placed her hand on her knee. “It’s probably just gas, love. Don’t pay any attention to it.”

Narcissa knew Bellatrix was lying to her, yet nodded her understanding anyway. In the end, she would rather be lied to than be forced to face the truth. It might not be healthy, but it was far easier than subjecting herself to the emotional torment that came hand-in-hand with this pregnancy.

It had to be.

[x]

TWENTY-THREE WEEKS PREGNANT   


Narcissa was really starting to despise the word ‘no.’

 _No,_ your sister still cannot be alone with you. _No,_ you cannot go outside in the backyard to get some fresh air, even though the damn thing has a large stone wall surrounding it. _No,_ we can’t bend the rules, even a little. _No,_ we can’t fucking have sex right now, are you stupid?

And oh, that last one killed her. More so than any of the others really, but that was just because her hormones were making her libido practically unbearable as of late.

The first two noes though were Lucius; the last two however, were her sister. Well, Lucius was also on board with the last one as well, but that was more because Narcissa was really starting to show now, and sex while there was a visible _baby_ inside of her freaked him out a little. It was irrational; absolutely stupid beyond all sane reason considering his entire ‘fear’ centered around _hitting the baby whilst inside of her_ , but it wouldn’t have mattered so much so long as Bellatrix gave her what she needed instead and unfortunately, she wasn’t.

And that did not sit well with Narcissa at all. 

In an odd twist of fate, Bellatrix had been entirely serious when she had told Narcissa that she was going to play by Lucius’ rules for a little while. Generally, Bellatrix spat on anything to do with her lover’s husband, and therefore Narcissa hadn’t really thought she’d stick to doing what he decreed for very long. And honestly, the longer this went on, the more irate she was becoming.

“ _I can’t bloody do this anymore!_ “ Narcissa shouted one day the second her husband came home, making Lucius come to a full stop in the foyer, looking confused beyond measure as to why he was being shouted at when he literally just got in the door. 

“…Um,” Lucius began, blinking a few times before slowly closing the front door behind him. He cleared his throat, looking a little awkward about what he just walked into. “Bad day, dear?”

“Bad…?” Narcissa repeated, looking at her husband as though the words coming out of his mouth must be some kind of joke. “You’re asking if I had a _bad day?_ I’m sorry, are you under the impression that I’m able to have any other kind of day outside of the same damn one _every single sodding time?_ Are you under the goddamn impression that I’m not bored out of my skull and miserable as I’m trapped in this house with literally no one to talk to for hours on end?”

“I…” Lucius tried, seemingly unable to figure out what the _correct_ response to those questions were. He cleared his throat again, no doubt trying to buy himself some time to try to figure out how to get out of this relatively unscathed. Narcissa looked _infuriated_ with him. “Well, ah, perhaps if you… found a hobby of some sort, it might make this a bit easier on—”

“Did you seriously just tell me to _get a hobby?_ “ Narcissa seethed, her eyes flashing. Lucius took an instinctual step backwards, knowing exactly what that tone meant. And not a moment too soon either, as Narcissa grabbed the closest thing she could find, which was a framed photograph of them off of one of the entryway tables, throwing it clear at him. He ducked, and the thing smashed against the door. 

“I don’t want a fucking hobby, Lucius!” Narcissa shouted. “I want a _life!_ I want to have human fucking interaction and _not_ the kind that comes with me writing letters to Cassie, assuring her that I’m just sick and not fucking _dying._ Do you know how worried she is? Do you even _care?_ “

Lucius, at least, had the good sense enough to not actually answer that question.

“I mean, God, I just… I feel like a fucking _prisoner!_ “ Narcissa continued, her voice hitching in her throat as her anger began to mix with her acute feeling of helplessness. “We live in a house with nine goddamn bedrooms, and yet I still feel like the walls are suffocating me! You honestly expect me to _do_ this for another four and a half months without going completely _insane?!_ Because I can’t, Lucius, I just bloody can’t—!”

Lucius was starting to look a little exasperated. “Narcissa, you agreed—”

“I agreed under the condition that my sister would be able to visit while you’re at work so I wouldn’t be left alone all fucking day, and has she been able to yet? _No,_ “ Narcissa snapped, interrupting him mid-sentence. “And you know what the most screwed up part of all of this is? She actually _listened_ to you! Of all the goddamn times for her to actually respect your wishes, she chooses _now,_ and so I’m stuck at home alone for eight hours a day – more if you work overtime, which you seem to need to nearly every goddamn day now – practically pulling out my hair in boredom and no doubt suffering from some kind of vitamin D deficiency because I haven’t seen the fucking sun for nearly two bloody _months!_ “

“Wait a minute,” Lucius responded, his eyes widening at a specific part of that rant. “Are you telling me that you _tried_ to get your sister to defy my wishes?” He looked as though a part of him wanted to be angry about that, but hesitated because he knew how much of a blowout fight it would cause if he started to become antagonistic as well. 

“Of course I fucking did; I’m sick and tired of being told what to bloody do,” Narcissa spat, not bothering to lie about it. “I _need_ her, Lucius; and I know that pisses you off, but that’s just the way it is. You might like to pretend that this pregnancy doesn’t exist by burying yourself in your work and practically avoiding me, but I don’t have that luxury. I am reminded every single fucking day of what’s inside of me, of what’s going to happen to it, and I need someone who’s going to _be_ there for me when I start to fucking crumble and I’m sorry, but it’s starting to become very clear that that someone isn’t _you!_ “

Lucius tensed his jaw, silent for a long moment as he no doubt attempted to control his temper. After exhaling a long breath, he tried to begin with, “Narcissa, I haven’t been avoiding—”

“ _Don’t lie to me!_ “ Narcissa shrieked, and Lucius fell silent once more, his lips pursing into a thin line. Narcissa’s chest was heaving with emotion, her eyes beginning to glass over because _she knew better._ Lucius hardly ever worked overtime until now, and while he pretended it was merely due to the war, Narcissa knew it wasn’t. After all, if it was, wouldn’t his mandatory overtime have started when the war did in January?

And the worst part was, Narcissa had a feeling that sometimes when he came home late, it wasn’t due to overtime at all. 

_“Yes, well… I figured that considering the circumstances, this called for a rather dramatic mark of the beginning of a habit.”_

Those words haunted Narcissa, but she tried desperately to ignore them, because it wouldn’t do to get herself so worked up over her husband’s affairs when she knew she didn’t have the right. Besides, she had more pressing matters to concern herself with at the moment, and until this situation was over and done with, Narcissa knew she wouldn’t have a hope of regaining Lucius’ trust and loyalty. So she let it slide for now, gave him knowing looks but didn’t actually _say_ anything, because she wasn’t bloody stupid; and if he wasn’t fucking her, then he was getting it from _somewhere._

And right now, she was capitalizing on that fucking look. 

“Fine,” Lucius conceded after a long moment, his voice soft and… guilty. Yes, definitely guilty. Good, so he knew what that damn look meant then. “Perhaps I have been. This hasn’t been easy on me, Narcissa—”

“And you think it’s been easy for _me?_ “

“Of course I don’t think that!” Lucius sharply responded, affronted by the insinuation that he would ever assume something like that. “But this was your choice, Narcissa; _your_ doing. Why should I be made to suffer the consequences of your actions?”

“My _choice?_ “ Narcissa repeated, looking horrified at his choice of wording. “You think I _chose_ to—”

“You willingly traded your first born for _her_ , Narcissa; don’t act like you were forced to at wandpoint—”

“She was _dying_ , Lucius!” Narcissa screamed, the words coming out a little horse from the force she put behind them. She was crying now, tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked at her husband like she couldn’t believe he was making this out to be some kind of _choice._ There was never a choice; she either did this, or her sister would die. What kind of choice was that? “She was… she was _dying,_ and I…”

“She wasn’t dying,” Lucius interrupted softly, and his misplaced pity tasted like offal in Narcissa’s mouth. He didn’t know. He wasn’t _there._ “The disease wasn’t killing her, Narcissa; she could have easily tried to manage it, _live_ with it, and instead Bellatrix chose addiction in order to try to end her life because of it. Her weakness isn’t on you, and it certainly didn’t land on your shoulders to fix. You did that all on your own so _yes,_ my darling, that was very much a choice that you made.”

“Don’t you… _dare_ call my sister weak,” Narcissa seethed, her pupils dilating so furiously that her eyes nearly appeared black. But Lucius didn’t stop, didn’t drop the subject even though this could go into dangerous territory that he apparently felt the need to voice regardless.

“You might not like it, Narcissa, but attempting suicide, whether it be a slow one or not, is _exactly_ the definition of weakness.”

Narcissa just stared at him like she had just been slapped. And Lucius’ eyes widened then, realizing what it was he just implied before Narcissa even had a chance to breathe in horror, “…So that’s what you think of me then.”

“What? No, this isn’t about—” Lucius tried to backtrack, but he didn’t get very far.

“I starved myself for most of my bloody life in an attempt to end it on _my_ terms, and yet you think you saying that doesn’t have to do with _me?!_ “

“Jesus… _fuck,_ Narcissa, why are you—this isn’t what I bloody wanted to do today, alright?!” Lucius exclaimed, exasperated and upset with how this conversation had turned out. “I just wanted to come home and relax after a long day of work, not get bombarded with some kind of hormonal tirade about—”

“Do _not_ call me hormonal, Lucius! This isn’t just because I’m fucking _pregnant!_ “

“What do you _want?!_ “ Lucius cried, close to giving up now. He looked so utterly exhausted by this. “Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you, alright? Because you did have a point to all of this, didn’t you? Or did you just decide to scream at me today for _fun?_ “

Narcissa shook her head, furious tears making their way down her cheeks as she pressed the back of her hand to her lips, inhaling a shuddered breath. Still, she wanted things her way, and if she had exasperated Lucius to the point of him wanting to give her it just to make her stop, then she wasn’t going to just throw away this opportunity. 

“I want to see my sister when you’re at work,” Narcissa breathed sadly, her loneliness beginning to consume her whole. Lucius might have said he would never leave her, but this entire ordeal had driven a wedge between them, that much was painfully obvious. And if she couldn’t have him be there for her emotionally during all of this, then she needed… she needed Bellatrix. “I don’t want to be alone anymore. I can’t bear it anymore, I just… I can’t.”

Lucius was silent for a long while, but eventually he conceded with a begrudging sounding. “…Fine.” And suddenly, Narcissa felt like she could breathe again. “But I swear to God, if I find out she tried _anything_ with you—”

“She won’t,” Narcissa promised, voice soft yet filled with assurance. “She knows she’ll lose me if she does. She would never risk that.”

Lucius was silent for a moment, just looking at her before he finally exhaled a breath he seemed to be holding and turned around to finally shrug off his jacket and place it on the coat rack. Narcissa pursed her lips, knowing this was upsetting him, but not knowing what else to do. The last thing she wanted to do was fight with Lucius today, but this situation had been emotionally trying for both of them and until it was over, Narcissa doubted they would be able to go back to the way things were, if they ever could again at all. 

“Lucius?” she called softly as she approached, causing her husband to turn towards her in question. And, in needing him to know that despite everything, she really did appreciate what he was sacrificing for her, Narcissa rose up on her toes and placed a soft kiss on the man’s cheek. “…Thank you.”

Lucius didn’t say anything for a moment, but he did exhale a tiny breath as he gently rested his forehead against hers. It seemed so very much like defeat, and that killed Narcissa inside. She didn’t want things to be like this between them; he was supposed to be her fairytale prince, her happy ending, and now…

“Just let me pretend this isn’t happening, Narcissa,” he finally requested, his voice soft and apologetic. “I thought I could handle it, but I can’t. And this… it’s the only way I won’t hate you for what you’ve done. I’m sorry.”

Another tear slipped down Narcissa’s cheek at his words, but she nodded her understanding anyway. She knew something like this would happen, which was why she worked so hard to keep the truth from him in the first place. But maybe he was right, maybe she _was_ weak; after all, she failed to fix this, failed in her silence. And in the end, this was _her_ burden to bear, not his.

She just wished he loved her enough to try to help her carry the weight of it.

[x]

TWENTY-EIGHT WEEKS PREGNANT   


“What will happen to it?”

Bellatrix noticeably stiffened at the unexpected question. She was lying naked next to her sister in Narcissa’s bed, all tangled up the sheets that they had slept in the night before, as Lucius hadn’t come home. In fact, it had been three days since he had. When once that had devastated Narcissa, now him staying away from the manor for days on end had become rather routine. Lucius was distancing himself in order to make all of this easier and while it was absolutely selfish, it also wasn’t completely unbearable either. She had Bellatrix, and when she was with her Narcissa didn’t… she didn’t feel as guilty. So it made it easier on herself too, in a way, when Lucius wasn’t around.

And God, that was probably the most terrible thing of all, but Narcissa didn’t want to dwell. She couldn’t. All she wanted at this point was to just get through this pregnancy with her sanity relatively intact. Which, in all honesty, probably wasn’t going to happen if she kept asking what the fate of this child would be, and yet Narcissa couldn’t keep the question from falling from her lips. She just… she needed to know. If she didn’t, she would never be able to make peace with it.

“The child,” Narcissa reiterated softly, as she didn’t think Bellatrix understood her question until her sister snapped back with, “I know what the fuck you were asking, Cissy.”

And then there was silence.

Narcissa turned her head, her cheek resting against the coolness of her pillow as she looked at her sister. Bellatrix’s back was to her, the sheet draped across her so that it only covered about half of her arse. They hadn’t even said good morning to one another, but Narcissa had known she was awake when she felt her stir. Gently reaching out, she placed her palm against the brunette’s back and pleaded softly, “Bella… please tell me.”

“Why?” Bellatrix asked, the question coming out harsh as she moved away from her sister’s hand, hoisting herself up to sit on the edge of the bed. She still did not grant her eye contact. “So you can have more fucking things to cry about? No thanks. I already have to deal with your breakdowns about not being able to _see_ me anymore when I go down on you; that’s enough.”

Okay, that was… that happened _once,_ and Narcissa was just feeling very emotional at the time. Besides, that had nothing to do with anything; or it at least had nothing to do with anything that was actually important. 

Bellatrix clutched the sheet to her chest and took it with her as she stood. “What do you want for breakfast?” she asked, no doubt trying to change the subject. “I’ll tell your elf to bring the shit up here.”

“First of all, please don’t believe for a second that I don’t see that you’re merely trying to change the subject,” Narcissa began, lifting herself up to sit with her back against the pillows. “Secondly, in no way are you letting Dobby see you or _me_ like this. I know you regard him as little more than a fixture in this house, but I’d be much more comfortable if he didn’t know our secrets. And third, it’s been three days and Lucius is bound to come home soon, so we cannot spend the entire day in bed. It’d be unwise.”

“ _Unwise,_ “ Bellatrix repeated the word and then laughed. “Cissy, it was ‘unwise’ the first fucking time I spent the night with you in that bed; at this point, it just borders on masochistic. But you didn’t think about that did you? You’ve been too busy crying and wallowing and _fucking_ to forget what’s going on in your real life. Do you honestly think I didn’t take precautions when you asked me to stay over that first night? Please.”

Narcissa blinked. “What precautions?” She had known they were treading a dangerous line by doing this, but seeing as this was far from the first time Lucius had taken off for days on end, she really hadn’t worried about him coming home too early. He never did, after all, and _never_ first thing in the morning.

“Just trust me, when Lucius comes home, we’ll know,” Bellatrix answered before cocking one of her eyebrows at her sister’s form on the bed. “Also, you are sadly deluded if you really think your house elf doesn’t know what’s going on between us. They’re meant to do their jobs whilst not being seen nor heard, and you really think you’d be aware if it was around when we’re together?”

Great. Well that, in no way, made Narcissa feel better about the situation.

“Besides,” Bellatrix continued, crawling on the edge of the bed on her hands and knees. The sheet slipped from her form, showcasing her naked body to Narcissa’s wanton gaze as her sister hovered over her. “Why you even care, I have no bloody idea. You treat the thing better than Lucius does, so at the end of the day it’ll probably have more loyalty towards you.”

“ _Probably,_ “ Narcissa stressed, looking up at her sister. The brunette’s hair fell in ringlets around her face, and it honestly made her look rather breathtaking. Still, she tried to focus on the topic at hand. “That is not assuring.”

“Even if it doesn’t, it’s bound by its masters. If it speaks badly of you, it’ll have to punish itself. Have you noticed any suspicious bruises or burns on it lately?” Bellatrix asked, and after thinking on that for a moment, Narcissa shook her head. “Then it hasn’t said anything. So relax, yeah? And maybe figure out what the fuck you want for breakfast because I’m starving, and if you’re not gonna let me eat food, then the next thing I’m eating is _you,_ love.”

A wicked grin pulled at the corners of her lips before Bellatrix allowed her mouth to cover Narcissa’s, the kiss causing the blonde’s eyelashes to momentarily flutter closed. “Mmm,” she breathed against her sister’s lips, playfully fighting with Bellatrix for a few seconds before she finally allowed the other woman to pin her hands above her head. Narcissa arched her back in response, forgetting, momentarily, the reason they had begun this conversation to begin with. Brushing their breasts together, Narcissa looked up at her sister and whispered seductively, “You say that like it’d be a bad thing…”

“Never,” Bellatrix breathed, gently nipping at the blonde’s bottom lip. Narcissa smiled, and Bellatrix let go of one of her hands in order to gently trace her lips with her thumb. “I fucking _dream_ of having that cunt of yours in my mouth, love...”

And to be perfectly honest it had almost worked, the distraction that Bellatrix was attempting to use in order to cause Narcissa to forget her original question, but a firm kick to the blonde’s ribs reminded her of what she was carrying, and as she noticeably winced beneath her, Bellatrix’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“The baby’s awake,” Narcissa responded, placing a gentle hand over the swell of her stomach. She had just entered into her third trimester and no longer was it just flutters, but something much stronger. Generally, it didn’t bother her, but the baby really seemed to enjoy kicking her ribs in for some reason. Then again, the girl was practically a duplicate of Bellatrix, and Narcissa wouldn’t be surprised if she had been violent inside of the womb as well. She certainly seemed the type.

So Narcissa hit the other women’s shoulder in retaliation. 

“Fuck! What the hell was that for?” Bellatrix exclaimed, immediately sitting up as she rubbed the offended limb.

“One, for being an absolute _arse_ in the womb on a fairly regular basis, and two…” Narcissa reached out and smacked out again, earning another hiss from her sister, “for trying to bloody distract me so you wouldn’t have to answer my goddamn question!” The blonde glared at her, pushing Bellatrix back a little so she wouldn’t be perched on her anymore. She needed space. “Did you honestly think you could fuck your way around the subject?”

“Okay, first of all, that thing inside of you isn’t _me—_ ”

“Well it may as well be!” Narcissa shot back, because that was what ‘clone’ indicated, did it not? Regardless, that wasn’t the bloody point. She didn’t want to think about how she was basically carrying another copy of her sister inside of her, because that information was enough to make her want to crawl in a hole and never come out again. It was far too fucked up, and far, _far_ too devastating.

“And second of all, it _was_ working until the baby woke up so yeah, pretty sure I could have, actually,” Bellatrix responded, of course being absolutely infuriating about it. Narcissa hated when she was being cocky, it was wildly unattractive. In the end though, that was probably why she did it; she did rather enjoy irritating her on a fairly regular basis, after all. Bellatrix seemed to find it _funny._

“Come on, Cissy,” Bellatrix purred, gently nipping at her jaw, her neck, before Narcissa pushed her away again in a huff. Bellatrix rolled her eyes at the blatant refusal of her affection, but finally accepted that it wasn’t something Narcissa wanted right then and sat back on her heels next to her. Her tone then grew serious. “You and I both know you’ve been indulging so much in your relationship with me to distract yourself from all the terrible things going on in your life right now, love. If you keep pushing this, you’re only going to make it worse. I thought you were trying to pretend—”

“I can’t pretend forever,” Narcissa interrupted softly, her voice saddened as she cupped her hands around her abdomen once more and looked down. The baby was moving quite a lot now, and she swallowed the lump in her throat before she looked back up at her sister. “I deserve to know, Bella. This child might not be biologically mine, but it’s still...”

_Inside of me. A part of me._

Bellatrix chewed on her lower lip, a momentarily guilty look flashing across her face. It was gone before Narcissa noticed it though, and when she looked up, she had fresh tears in her eyes. “Please just tell me,” she begged softly, voice a little hoarse. “It can’t be as bad as I’m imagining anyway, and I… I’ll never be able to move past it, if I don’t know for sure what I’ve done. I could never.”

Bellatrix pursed her lips, silent for a long while. “If I tell you… _If,_ ” she stressed, making sure Narcissa knew that she hadn’t yet decided. “You need to _promise_ me, Cissy, that you’ll remember that this child isn’t yours, okay? You might be carrying it, but it’s creation has nothing to do with _you,_ do you understand me?”

“I know that, Bella—”

“No, you need to listen to me,” Bellatrix interrupted, her tone deadly serious in a way that made Narcissa narrow her eyes a little, because her sister _rarely_ took this kind of tone with her. Her hands found Narcissa’s then, and she squeezed them a little as she encouraged her to keep eye contact with her. “You are _nothing_ to that thing inside of you, Narcissa. You’re barely even its Aunt, because the whole fucking thing is fabricated and practically synthetic and just… _not real._ It’s just something I created to get us out of this situation, do you hear me? That is all.”

Narcissa didn’t really know how much she agreed with that entire definition of what Bellatrix had created within her, but she did at least understand that it wasn’t her child. Still, Narcissa seemed a little perplexed by how serious Bellatrix was acting about this, when she should have known that Narcissa was aware of that fact already. “Yes, Bella, I—”

_“Say it out loud.”_

Narcissa’s brow creased, growing more disturbed by this by the minute. What was it that was so bad that Bellatrix had to remind her over and over that she didn’t have a part in the child’s creation? It couldn’t just be something as simple as death, and Narcissa felt herself growing nauseas as she forced herself to repeat, her voice coming out a little strained, “…I am nothing to the child inside of me.”

Bellatrix seemed to release a breath she had been holding at that, and her grip slackened a little in her sister’s hands as she pursed her lips and hung her head for a long moment. Then, finally, the words were uttered. “…The Dark Lord is harvesting their souls.”

And fuck, whatever Narcissa was expecting, it certainly wasn’t _that._ “He’s… what?” she breathed, unable to wrap her head around the concept, because she hadn’t even though it to be possible. How did he extract them? What did he _do_ with them? What happened to the _children_ after he—?

“Pure, untainted souls are… valuable,” Bellatrix continued, her voice carefully gentle as she finally laid the truth out in the open. “And a key component in many old, powerful Dark Magic rituals; many of which I’m not personally well-versed in as… honestly, I never thought I would ever have the means of procuring something like that, and so I never bothered to learn. But I do know that souls like these are very rare, and _wildly_ expensive should someone not be able to obtain one themselves. And there’s so much…” Bellatrix bit her bottom lip for a moment before trying to explain this away with some bullshit line of, “there’s a lot of money, right now, going into the war, and—”

“Jesus Christ,” Narcissa breathed, placing her head in her hands as she stared at the sheets below her, completely taken back by the very idea of something like that; but more than that, by her sister trying to find _justification_ for something like that. “Just shut up,” she begged, her nails digging into her scalp. “Stop. Stop fucking _justifying_ it. That’s never what I asked you to do, I didn’t…”

Bellatrix fell silent, and while she didn’t apologize, her reluctance to continue trying to make the Dark Lord sound like he was making a _better financial decision_ this way was enough. Narcissa exhaled a long breath, running her palms over her face. They came back wet from her tears. “How… what _happens_ to these children when he…?”

“I don’t know.”

Narcissa looked up at her, expression etched in devastation as the child inside of her continued to move and kick and God, _God…_ “Can they… can they _live_ without a—?”

Bellatrix’s voice became softer, more apologetic by the moment. “…I don’t know.”

“Then what _do_ you know?!” Narcissa demanded, the words coming out as almost a shriek as she slammed her fists down on the mattress. “What the _fuck_ do you know, Bellatrix? How can you sit there and tell me this half-explanation when I asked for—?!”

“Because I don’t _fucking_ know, Cissy, alright?!” Bellatrix exclaimed, needing her to understand that. “As much as I wish I was, I’m not privy to everything the Dark Lord does! I’m not _there_ whenever He does what He does with those children, so I can’t give you an answer I don’t know. I have theories, but—”

“ _What_ theories?”

“They don’t matter, because I don’t know for certain, and I am _not_ about to fill your head with suspicions that don’t have any basis, okay?” Bellatrix tried to reason, knowing exactly how upset her sister would get if she knew even half of them. “I’m sorry, Narcissa, you asked and I told you and that’s… it’s all I know. I’m sorry.”

“It isn’t _enough,_ ” Narcissa stressed, her voice breaking in her throat as another tear slipped down her cheek. “How am I supposed to—how can I _apologize_ to her, when I don’t…” Another shuddered sob ripped past her lips as she held her stomach, looking down at the life within it. “I can’t even explain to her why she’s dying, and I…”

“No, stop it, Cissy, don’t you—I told you not to fucking think of that thing as—!”

“I’m murdering my daughter,” Narcissa breathed, overcome by sadness as this dark, sickening feeling that began to creep through her veins and settle inside of her heart. She could barely hear Bellatrix she was so wrapped up in it, and as she cried harder her words became barely audible as she continued, “I’m selling her soul for reasons I don’t… I don’t even _understand_ , and God, I… I _can’t—_ ”

“Narcissa, _stop it!_ ” Bellatrix shouted, grasping onto her sister’s hands and practically ripping them from off of her stomach. She grasped her face then, desperation in her eyes as she screamed, “She is _not_ your child! She is nothing, do you hear me? She is _nothing!_ You promised—you fucking _promised_ me! Look at me and say it! She is not your child, she is _mine!_ She—”

But Bellatrix couldn’t finish her sentence. Suddenly, this blaring alarm rang through the bedroom, the sound so loud that it actually jolted Narcissa out of her pit of self-loathing and despair as she desperately tried to block out the awful noise with her hands over her ears. It was practically deafening. 

And Bellatrix had gone completely pale at the sound of it.

“Fuck… _fuck!_ ” she shouted, practically jumping off the bed. Her chest was heaving, her eyes wild and fearful. “It’s Lucius; Narcissa, get— get the _fuck_ up and get dressed, now!”

All other thoughts forgotten, Narcissa’s own face went as white as her sister’s as she desperately scrambled to get off the bed as well, nearly tripping over the sheets in the process. “Jesus, fucking—turn it _off!_ ” she shrieked as she sprinted to her closet, grabbing the first damn thing she could find. “He’s going to hear it!”

“I used muffliato on the room, he won’t—God damnit, _where the hell is my bra?!_ ”

“Who _cares,_ just put on your sodding robes!” Narcissa shouted, throwing her own over her head without putting on a bra or knickers either. Right now, there was more important things, and it wasn’t like her and Lucius had been having sex as of late; he wouldn’t notice what she did or didn’t have under there today anyway.

Once they were both dressed in at least a semi-presentable manner, Bellatrix grabbed for her wand and with one desperate motion, wordlessly ceased the blaring alarm just as Narcissa kicked a pair of knickers under the bed. And that was how Lucius found them, practically out of breath and looking a little disheveled on opposite sides of the bedroom, and he came to a full stop in the threshold as he stared at the scene before him.

And clearly did not deduce anything good from it. “What the… what the bloody _hell_ is going on in here?” he demanded, his grip tightening on the door handle. His gaze leveled on Bellatrix. “What the fuck are you doing here this early? Did you _sleep_ in my sodding—?” But that was as far as he got, because Narcissa did the first thing she could think of to distract him, and utterly broke the fuck _down._

Lucius looked taken aback by the abruptness of it and to be honest, so did Bellatrix a little bit. Despite the fact that Narcissa’s cheeks were already splotchy and tear-stained before she started crying again, her falling apart like that seemed to take them back a bit as the blonde made a move towards him and practically crumpled into his form. “Lucius… Lucius…” Narcissa begged through her tears, grasping onto his robes like they were her lifeline. “He’s going to take her _soul,_ Lucius…! He’s… he’s going to… my baby… he’s… I— I _can’t—_ ” Her words became incomprehensible then, just a saddened rant mixed between tears and snot, and Lucius’ eyes widened.

“You _told_ her?!” he practically shouted at Bellatrix as he cradled his wife’s head against his chest, almost as if he meant to shield her from her sister. Bellatrix just fisted her hands in her hair at that, looking completely overwhelmed and exasperated because whatever Narcissa just did to take the focus off of how he found them, it did not in any way exonerate her. If anything, it just made it worse. “What the hell were you _thinking?!_ ”

“She asked for the fucking truth, alright? _That’s_ what I was thinking,” Bellatrix practically spat, rounding on him. She barely even looked at Narcissa against him, and the blonde knew her sister was going to be irritated at her for this, but it was the first thing she could think of to do. Besides, she was still _feeling_ it. She was still devastated by it. 

“She told me she’d need to know in order to heal and I’m _sorry,_ but I actually fucking believed her. I shouldn’t have. And _yes,_ ” Bellatrix continued before the other man could get a word in edgewise, “of course I bloody slept here last night; you leave your wife alone for days on end in this big house and she’s _terrified,_ you feebleminded fuckwit. In case you’ve forgotten, there is a war going on, and you honestly think it’s _okay_ to do this to her right now?”

“That isn’t your concern!” Lucius snapped, stepping away from Narcissa momentarily to point angrily at his sister-in-law. “You might be to blame for the newest shit storm in our lives, Bellatrix, but how Narcissa and I deal with it is between us, _not_ you. Now get the hell out of my house; I need to tend to my wife because, once again, you’ve bloody broken her. Jesus, I knew I should have never let her see you…”

But Lucius didn’t have a chance to go to his wife again, because all of a sudden he was being violently manhandled against the wall before being pinned there forcefully by a woman who was practically half his size. “Bella!” Narcissa tried, finding herself unable to handle this at the moment. Not now, not on top of everything. She already felt like she was falling apart; she didn’t need her sister and her husband fighting on top of it.

But, then again, that was what they did best, wasn’t it?

“Don’t you ever fucking take the moral high ground with me, you selfish prat,” Bellatrix spat, fury in her eyes as she completely ignored Narcissa’s pleas to just leave it. “Not after how you’ve been acting. Your wife is in pain and you _left_ her. Every fucking day her soul shreds a little more, and instead of being a man and _dealing_ with it, you leave the tattered remnants of the woman I love on the floor for _me_ to try to piece back together. And yeah, maybe sometimes I screw it up, but at least I sodding try. Can you say the same?” 

But before Lucius could answer, Bellatrix furiously let him go with one last pointed shove, stepping away from him as she shook her head in disgust. “I swear to God, Lucius, if she didn’t love you, I would _murder_ you where you stand for abandoning her like that. I wouldn’t even think twice about it,” she told him, not an ounce of apology for that in her voice. “So why don’t you do us all a bloody favor and stop giving me reasons to want to, because there is only so much shit I’ll take before I don’t care _how_ my sister feels about you; I’ll end you just to stop her from hurting anymore. Are we clear on that?”

Lucius stared at her, looking torn between wanting to scream at her and actually being afraid should he try to go one on one with her. Despite Bellatrix not even having pulled a wand on him yet, Lucius did know she was the more skilled of them both, and therefore it made him hesitate. So instead he just clenched his jaw before demanding, “Just get out.”

Narcissa watched her sister from the spot she had collapsed against on the bed, assuming that Bellatrix was going to defy him. Surprisingly though, she didn’t. Instead the woman just looked at Narcissa, who was now curling helplessly up into the bed, a pillow clutched to her chest with tears streaming down her cheeks and she told her sincerely, “I love you, Cissy.” Another tear leaked from Narcissa’s eyes, and she exhaled a shaky breath. “And I promise you that if he ever leaves you alone like that again, I’m setting his bollocks on _fire._ You deserve so much fucking better than this.”

And with that she left, disapparating with a loud crack.

Narcissa didn’t understand. She had thought Bellatrix had enjoyed that Lucius was gone for days at a time as it meant they could spend so much more time together, could _sleep_ together again, side by side in an actual bed with their arms wrapped around one another. It had been so long since they had been able to do that. But maybe in the end Bellatrix understood that no matter how much she wished to, she couldn’t be everything for her, and that Lucius’ absence was killing her just as much as this pregnancy was. Narcissa had tried to ignore it by completely immersing herself in her sister but every time another day, another _hour_ passed when Lucius didn’t return it… it hurt. It hurt so deeply that sometimes she couldn’t remember to breathe.

Lucius looked at her for a long time, watching another tear fall from his wife’s eye and settle in the crook of her nose, before he finally approached her with a saddened expression. When he climbed into bed next to her and wrapped an arm around her form, Narcissa began to sob again. Lucius kissed the top of her head, the gesture apologetic and loving and spreading a warmth through the blonde’s body that Narcissa wished was more comforting than it was. “I’m sorry,” he breathed, his tone filled with self-loathing and regret. “She’s right, and I’m so sorry…”

And considering Narcissa knew that Lucius would sooner eat his own tongue than say Bellatrix was right when he didn’t mean it, Narcissa found herself accepting his apology with a small nod before another shuddered sob ripped out of the back of her throat, and she buried her face in his neck as she continued to shake and cry. 

She didn’t want to do this anymore; she didn’t want to _live_ like this anymore. All this pregnancy was doing was destroying her sanity, destroying her relationships, and she couldn’t bear it any longer.

[x]

THIRTY-THREE WEEKS PREGNANT   


Lucius hadn’t once left her side for more than his designated work hours after that.

In the end though, whether that was because he wanted to or because he felt compelled, Narcissa wasn’t sure. In the past month she had spiraled pretty severely, unable to even get herself out of bed most days, let alone eat. She was practically babysat around the clock now, with both her husband and sister trying to encourage her to get up, to get dressed, to shower, to eat, to… fuck, do _something._ But it was like something had broken inside of her when she found out what would happen to her child, and she didn’t know how to handle it.

And Narcissa knew it was her own fault. She had asked Bellatrix because she thought it would help her to accept the truth and eventually learn to heal, but all it did was encourage her to crumble. She didn’t want to _exist_ anymore; not while the child was still inside of her. Every single day she could feel it move, feel it _develop_ into an actual human being inside of her, and it killed her to know what she was going to subject it to. 

She begged Lucius to find out if people could exist without their souls, because then possibly there could be a _chance,_ but Lucius assured her that even if there was, that they couldn’t allow anything that devoid of humanity to live anyhow. It would be an abomination; something evil and hollow with no sense of right and wrong or empathy or even _emotion_ in general. It would just… exist. Lucius wasn’t even certain if it’d be able to function like that, and he told her that it would be in their best interests to never find out.

And yet still, she wondered.

Narcissa shut her eyes as her bedroom was suddenly engulfed in a bright light, Bellatrix having ripped open her curtains to let the sun in. “Come on, get up,” she demanded, only to have Narcissa groan and pull the covers over her head. She didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to do anything. She couldn’t even cry anymore; she was too exhausted.

“That wasn’t a suggestion, Cissy,” Bellatrix told her, sitting next to her on the bed as she tore the covers off of her head. Her hand grasped the potion she had placed on the bedside table, encouraging, “Come on, sit up. You need to take this.”

But Narcissa didn’t move, and Bellatrix exhaled a long sigh before she grasped her sister beneath her armpits and hoisted her into a seated position against the pillows. Narcissa’s entire body was rather limp, but she sat where she was placed because she didn’t have the effort to even move enough to curl back into the safety of her blankets. “Open up,” Bellatrix demanded, her fingers forcing open Narcissa’s jaw before she could even move her head to deny it. The liquid in the glass slipped down her throat, and the blonde practically choked. “No, _swallow._ If you’re not going to fucking eat, you need to take liquid meals. You’re gonna end up killing that bloody child prematurely if you don’t, and then what the fuck would the point of all of this be?”

Narcissa did swallow it, but only because she didn’t really have much of a choice as Bellatrix forced her mouth closed with the potion inside of it. She felt nauseous, and she closed her eyes and buried her face in her knees that she had pulled up to her chest. Well, _attempted_ to pull up to her chest would be a more accurate description; her stomach was getting in the way of quite a lot of her natural movements lately. Still, she could at least lean her head in the crook of her arm as she held her knees towards the ceiling, and that was enough. 

God, why couldn’t they just leave her alone? She didn’t want to even pretend to have some sort of functional life right now, it was just too cruel. 

Bellatrix sighed. “Do you want me to get Lucius to help you shower?”

Narcissa’s brow furrowed and she turned her head to the side, resting her cheek against her arm as she looked at her sister. Her voice came out hoarse when she spoke; it had been days since she had even spoken. “I… I thought he was at work.”

“He’s working from home today,” Bellatrix responded, smoothing back the hair that was stuck to her sister’s forehead due to night sweats. “I’m just being his bloody babysitter while he does paperwork downstairs for like an hour or two. But you fucking stink, Cissy; you need a goddamn shower before your cunt starts to fester or something.”

Narcissa didn’t have the effort to roll her eyes at that, but she did give her a look that clearly stated that she wasn’t amused by her sister’s dramatics. It had only been a few days. Maybe a week. She didn’t… honestly, she didn’t know. She spent most of her time sleeping, and didn’t even know what day it was anymore.

It was strange though, knowing that Bellatrix and Lucius were here at the same time and weren’t screaming at each other over her. Lucius blamed Bellatrix for telling her what would happen to the child, and hadn’t been happy with her continuing to come by. With how much Narcissa had been spiraling though, he did eventually agree for her to be here when he couldn’t, as the blonde clearly needed someone to watch her twenty-four seven at this point. There wasn’t any other option, considering they both seemed to fear that if left to her own devices, that Narcissa would hurt herself or worse.

“I’m fine,” she croaked out, before burying her face back into the crook of her arm. “Just leave me alone.”

“I love how you actually thought that this was optional,” Bellatrix responded, sounding a little amused before she scooped Narcissa into her arms, causing the younger woman to let out a rather undignified squawk as she was physically carried into the adjoining bathroom. Apparently however, picking Narcissa up wasn’t exactly as easy as it used to be. 

“Oof,” Bellatrix exhaled, struggling to keep a hold on her as she kicked in the bathroom door. “Damn, Cissy, what’s that kid inside of you weigh, twenty pounds? This used to be easy.”

“I’ve. Gained. _Fifteen,_ ” Narcissa responded dangerously, because fuck her, she was not twenty fucking pounds heavier. She was _not._ Slapping her sister’s shoulder, she demanded angrily, “Now put me down!” Despite what her sister might think, she was not some kind of pet that did things on their master’s schedule, regardless of whether she actually needed to bathe or not. She didn’t want to _be_ here. She didn’t want to be anywhere.

“You’re fucking showering even if I need to force your arse in there myself,” Bellatrix responded after she put her down, blocking the doorway so Narcissa couldn’t leave. “And believe me, you do not want to see your husband’s reaction to _that._ Can you just imagine what he’d say if he walked in on me cleaning all of your little girly bits? You can kiss your bloody marriage goodbye, that’s for sure.”

Narcissa wrapped her arms around herself, her bloodshot eyes glaring at the woman across from her as she shrunk into herself like an animal backed into a corner. “Fuck you, Bellatrix,” she seethed, because how dare she threaten her with that right now? That was beyond low. 

How could she not see that she couldn’t deal with this right now? Did she always have to be this awful?

“No, fuck _you_ for doing this to us,” Bellatrix snapped, pointing her finger towards her in accusation. “You are a grown woman, Narcissa, and you need to start acting like one. I understand that this hurts, that this is the most fucked up thing you’ve ever gone through, and I am so, _so_ sorry about that, but I will _not_ allow you to revert to this suicidal shell of a person. We already played this game once, love; more than once if I’m not mistaken, and I refuse to do it again.”

As she approached her, Narcissa defiantly tried to back away, but eventually she hit a wall and had to stop. “So pull yourself together and _survive_ this, do you hear me?” Bellatrix demanded, grasping Narcissa’s chin in her hand to in order to garner her full attention. “Because you are so much fucking stronger than you give yourself credit for, and I’m sick of seeing you wallow because you believe you don’t know how to be anything other than a victim.”

“What the _fuck_ else would you call this then?” Narcissa practically growled as she pulled her face away from her sister’s grasp. Her eyes were beginning to shine with fresh tears as she looked at the reason she sacrificed so much. “What else is this situation, other than me being victimized because I was too bloody weak to save you myself?!”

“You were fifteen!” Bellatrix practically shouted, looking at Narcissa like she couldn’t fathom how she believed herself to be weak, when anyone her age wouldn’t be able to succeed with such a feat. “What could you possibly have done?”

“Something, _anything!_ ” Narcissa cried desperately, tears finally beginning to leak out of the corners of her eyes. God, she hated herself for that most of all; for not being strong enough to save Bellatrix herself. None of this would have ever come to pass if she had been a witch that was worth half a damn. “Anything other than sell a _child_ for—!”

“Cissy! Cissy, _stop,_ ” Bellatrix tried, grasping onto the other woman’s face as she tried to get her to calm down, to still herself, as the brunette wiped the tears away with her thumbs. “Look at me, okay? You are only twenty one years old, you’re practically still a _child_ in comparison to how long I’m sure you’ll live, and like all the other horrific shit you went through when you were younger, this will _pass._ And yes, you’ll still remember it when you’re older and it’ll still hurt, but it won’t be anything like this. Twenty, forty, _sixty_ years from now, it’ll hurt, but it won’t kill you. Much like what Mum did to us, you’ll learn to move past it, and grow into something so much _stronger_ because of it.”

Narcissa hiccupped through her tears, and Bellatrix delicately tucked a greasy strand of hair behind the blonde’s ear before wiping away another fallen droplet that landed on her cheek. “I get that you feel helpless, and that you feel like the Dark Lord took advantage of you because you weren’t capable of saving me yourself, and maybe that’s true, but there was _nothing_ else you could have done. You were in an impossible situation, and you did the best you could, Narcissa. No one is blaming you for that, so please stop blaming yourself. You have no idea how incredibly _grateful_ I am for what you did for me, and if you…”

But Bellatrix stopped for a moment, looking a little emotional before she took a breath and continued with, “You wanted me to live, didn’t you? You wanted me to live so I could live with _you,_ so we could be together like we were always meant to, but that won’t fucking happen if you let this destroy you. And if you allow it to consume you like this, then it’ll all be for nothing. Everything you sacrificed, everything you did to try to get us to this point, would be for nothing because _you _wouldn’t be there. It wouldn’t be me and you, love, together forever, and that’s all I’ve _ever—_ ” __

__But Bellatrix had to stop again, her voice hitching in her throat before she forced her emotions to the side, and gently placed her forehead against her sister’s. “Just please don’t let it be for nothing,” she begged in a soft whisper. “Please live for me, Narcissa, because I couldn’t bear it if I lost you. I’d lose my mind. I’d lose _myself._ ”_ _

__Narcissa tried to stifle a sob at that, placing a hand over her mouth before she allowed her forehead to slip off of her sister’s, burying her face in the crook of her neck. She didn’t want that, because Bellatrix was right; if she let this kill her, then it really would have been all for nothing. She couldn’t let this child die for nothing; that was worse than trading its life for something that was… worthwhile, irreplaceable. Absolutely everything to her. And maybe it wasn’t much better, but if those were her only two options, then Narcissa knew which she would prefer, and it wouldn’t be her sacrificing a child’s life without reason._ _

__“I just wish I was more,” Narcissa breathed sadly, her words coming out a little muffled against her sister’s robes. “More than this; more than someone who’s just a slave to shitty circumstance over and over. I want to be able to _fix_ it, I want to be able to—”_ _

__“You _did_ fix it, Cissy,” Bellatrix assured her softly, gently placing her fingers beneath her sister’s chin to encourage her to catch her gaze. “Look at me.” She smiled then; this soft, beautiful gesture that always had a way of warming Narcissa’s heart. “I am this because of you; I am _here_ because of you. I am yours because of you, and will forever be yours because of _you_. I know you think you have nothing to offer, love, but to me, you offered everything. You _gave_ me everything. You gave me back my life, Narcissa; there is no greater gift than that.”_ _

__Another tear traced the contour of the blonde’s cheek as she looked at her sister, and Bellatrix wiped it away before gently covering Narcissa’s lips with her own. The smaller woman sobbed into her mouth yet returned the kiss in kind, fingers fisting in the fabric of Bellatrix’s robes. “I’m sorry,” she breathed sadly when they parted. Her eyes still remained closed, her cheek resting against the brunette’s._ _

__“I promised you I wouldn’t do this anymore,” Narcissa whispered, remembering what she had promised Bellatrix after she had spiraled the last time. Granted, she didn’t spiral in exactly the same way, but she was still playing the victim. She was still falling apart and forcing Bellatrix to fix her life yet again. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t know how to be anything else but this.”_ _

__“I asked you to stop manipulating me,” Bellatrix corrected softly, brushing another strand of hair away from the blonde’s eyes. “That’s not what this is. I can tell the difference, you know; when you’re falling apart for yourself, or if you’re doing it for me. This was about you. This was about something that has been fucking you up for a long time now, and it had just finally reached its precipice. I’m not angry with you for that.”_ _

__Narcissa nodded her understanding, although still felt as though she had betrayed her own word to Bellatrix. This might not be her attempting to manipulate her, but it was close enough as it reaped the same benefits. Still, her sister placed a kiss on her forehead and encouraged, “Come on. Get up and shower, okay? Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better, not to mention _smell_ a lot better because… well, you’re pretty fucking ripe right now, Cissy; not even gonna lie to you.”_ _

__After a few more digs at how dirty she was, Narcissa rolled her eyes and told her to shut up before gently pushing her out the door so she could shower. Now that she was upright and functioning a little though, she knew her sister was right. She felt grimy and when she ran her fingers through her hair to untangle it, her expression masked over into one of disgust by how greasy it was. Every part of her ached from being rather stagnant recently, but it was her lower back that was in the most pain from the strain her pregnant belly put on it. After removing all of her clothes she rubbed her sore muscles and groaned, actually looking forward to taking care of herself after so long. She was far past due._ _

__But then screams were heard from downstairs._ _

__“ _Where the fuck did you get that?!_ ”_ _

__Oh no. Narcissa closed her eyes, wishing this wasn’t happening right now. Bellatrix and Lucius hadn’t had an altercation in over two weeks, and so whatever it was that set her sister off, she knew it wasn’t good. Quickly grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body, Narcissa left the bathroom and stole downstairs to try to diffuse whatever was happening between them right now._ _

__“—not the only one who has access to the Dark Lord’s personal library, Bellatrix,” Narcissa heard Lucius snap. “I promised my wife I would try to find a way around this, and I can’t _do_ that until I know more about this kind of Dark magic.”_ _

__“You lying sack,” Bellatrix hissed as Narcissa descended the last step. “You were looking for the spell I used to impregnate her!”_ _

__Narcissa paled. No, _no,_ he couldn’t… if he found out that they had to have sex to conceive this child, then everything would fall apart again. But Lucius apparently really _wasn’t_ looking for that, as he sounded perplexed as he responded, “Wait, is it in _this_ book?”_ _

__And then there was the sound of rapidly flipping pages until a loud _slam_ was heard, which was no doubt Bellatrix forcefully closing the book for him. Narcissa held her breath, hovering on the other side of the wall as she listened to them; she didn’t know if it would be pertinent to reveal herself yet. _ _

__“Don’t bother,” Bellatrix snapped, and to her credit, her voice did not waver. “It’d take you years of studying to be able to read the script it’s in. Besides, have you _completely_ lost your mind? Narcissa doesn’t know everything that I did to conceive this child, and she is already falling the fuck apart. What do you think’s going to happen if she knows all the awful shit I did in order to magic this baby into being? She feels guilty enough, Lucius!”_ _

__“I’m trying to _help,_ Bellatrix; do you really think I’m going to tell her what you did if it’s really that awful?” Lucius countered furiously. “Besides, I wasn’t even looking for that damn spell; I was trying to figure out what the Dark Lord plans to do with that child’s soul, because maybe—”_ _

__“No, there is no ‘because _maybe,’_ ” Bellatrix hissed, her tone indicating that he best not challenge her on this. “Narcissa is finally trying to deal with this, and I will not have anything more come to light about the subject; the best thing we can do right now is just help her forget that this ever happened when this is over and done with. There is no hope for that child, Lucius, so stop trying to fucking find one before my sister ends up choking on your false optimism.”_ _

__“That isn’t for you to decide. If Narcissa wants—”_ _

__“…I want you to drop it.”_ _

__Two surprised faces turned to the woman who appeared in the doorway, a towel clutched to her chest. “Narcissa…” Lucius breathed, surprised to see her up and around. He moved to stand, but Narcissa held out her hand to stop him._ _

__“I don’t… I _can’t_ know anything more,” Narcissa told him softly, almost a little apologetically. She felt a bit weak for saying that, but in the end she’d rather be weak and sane than be what she was when she tried to know too much. “Bella’s right, I can’t handle it. I just… I just want this to all be over with, okay? That’s all I want.” Lucius pursed his lips, but did not refute her decision. It was then that Narcissa held out her hand in offering, needing to get him as far away from those books as possible._ _

__“Help me shower?”_ _

__Lucius glanced at Bellatrix, but she wasn’t looking at him. She was staring at her, this indecipherable look on her face before she finally glanced at Lucius, giving him a short nod. “Go,” she told him, like she was giving him _permission._ Which she was really, as Bellatrix would always think of Narcissa as hers before _his,_ but thankfully Lucius didn’t take it as such._ _

__Instead, Lucius just got up and crossed the room to her, prioritizing his wife’s wellbeing above all else, leaving Bellatrix alone with the books so she could finally purge the horrible truth from their lives._ _

____

[x]

THIRTY-NINE WEEKS PREGNANT   


“Oh my God, I can’t do this,” Narcissa groaned, drops of sweat littering her brow as she leaned against the threshold of the parlor entryway, breathing heavily and trying to desperately ignore the contractions inside of her that felt like they were slowly tearing apart her abdomen, her back, even her _thighs_. They had been getting progressively worse for the last five or six hours, but according to her sister she was only dilated three centimeters. And right then, she was pretty sure she was going to die before she even got to the giving birth part, because the constant come and go of pain was driving her absolutely mental.

“Calm down, your water hasn’t even broken yet,” Bellatrix responded in a rather bored tone as she flipped through a book on home births, making sure she was absolutely ready for this. “ _That’s_ when the real pain starts, apparently. Just keep breathing, it can’t be any worse than intense period cramps at this point.”

Narcissa wanted to rip her fucking head off her body.

“Insinuate I’m being dramatic one more fucking time, Bellatrix, and I’ll _show_ you what real pain feels like,” Narcissa growled dangerously. Bellatrix merely smirked though, apparently finding her agony _amusing_ , which caused Narcissa to stomp into the room in order to grab a candle holder off her mantle. She threw it at her sister’s head without even thinking twice about it, however it barely missed her due to Bellatrix ducking in time, and Narcissa was immensely irritated with that. She wanted to beat her head in; maybe then she’d actually feel better.

“ _Christ,_ Cissy! What the fuck was that for?!”

“What the hell is going on in here?” Lucius exclaimed around the same time, rushing into the room once he heard the crash. He looked between the two sisters, who were shooting daggers at one another.

But Narcissa just furiously pointed at her sister and screamed, “I want her _out!_ ” In the back of her mind, Narcissa knew she was being irrational, as Lucius was in no way prepared to deliver this baby on his own, but something about her sister sitting there all _casually_ acting like she knew _anything_ about what this felt like was fueling her already uncontrollable temper.

“Yeah right, good luck delivering that thing on your own once Lucius passes out from all the blood.”

Narcissa moved to grab another candle holder in a wave of fury, but Lucius caught her wrist in time and tried to diffuse the situation with, “Okay, okay, calm down. Just breathe, Narcissa; you’re going to get through this.”

“ _Just breathe,_ ” Narcissa mocked furiously, feeling another contraction practically cripple her as it spread down her thighs. She let Lucius pry the candle holder from her fingers, but only because once he left again to check on his potions she knew she could find something else to throw at her sister. “ _You_ just fucking breathe! And where the hell are my drugs; what use are you?!”

Lucius pursed his lips into a thin line at that, but tried to be patient with her. “You can’t take the potion until you’re further along, otherwise it might wear off prematurely. And from what I’ve heard of the pain of _actual_ labor, you probably don’t want that.”

“Actual labor,” Narcissa repeated, disbelieving and furious. Was he bloody joking? One more damn comment like that, and he was about to be next on her list of people to throw heavy objects at. “Actual— this is fucking _actual_ labor, Lucius! What the fuck do you think I’m doing right now, inducing contractions in myself for _fun?_ ”

“No, I just…” Lucius tried, looking a little overwhelmed by being verbally attacked when he was only trying to help. He exhaled a heavy sigh. “I just meant the… the _pushing_ bit. I wasn’t trying to diminish what you’re going through right now, Narcissa. I merely—”

But his words were cut off as a loud groan of pain ripped out of the back of Narcissa’s throat, her hands going to her knees as she pitched forward. Jesus Christ, that one was so much worse. She couldn’t keep… _God,_ she couldn’t keep doing this; wasn’t it time to get this thing out of her already?! Fuck the possibility of a twenty four or forty eight hour labor, she needed this thing out _now!_

Bellatrix looked up at the sound though and pointed to the makeshift birthing area they had created on the floor of the parlor. “Down,” she instructed, putting away her book and standing herself so she could help her sister. “Let me look again.”

“No, piss off, I hate you,” Narcissa seethed through clenched teeth, trying to ride out the wave of pain as she continued to hunch over. Bellatrix rolled her eyes and got to her feet.

“Don’t be obstinate, Cissy; it’s really not attractive.”

Narcissa flipped her off, but otherwise didn’t move.

It took a while, but Bellatrix did eventually get her on her back so that she could check. Unfortunately, however, instead of hearing the magical words that it was time to push, Bellatrix informed her that she was only dilated about three and a half centimeters now. And God, Narcissa wanted to cry, but the tears didn’t come until about thirty-six hours in. 

Bellatrix and Lucius had tried to stay up with her, but eventually sleep overtook them both, leaving Narcissa alone in her agony. Her sister was curled up in a ball on the opposite side of the couch, Lucius in the large armchair across the room. Narcissa barely made any sounds anymore, just so buried in agony that a part of her seemed to accept it as a new constant in her life. So it wasn’t the pain that made her cry, but her exhaustion. She started to weep as she sat on the couch, clutching her stomach as she prayed for sleep that she knew wouldn’t come. She felt like this torture would never stop.

The sound seemed to wake Bellatrix though, who stirred and mumbled something before she hoisted herself up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes so she could look at Narcissa. Tears were running down the blonde’s cheeks in jagged lines, and Bellatrix’s face etched in actual sympathy as she moved to get closer to her. “Shh,” she gently hushed her, smoothing the hair back from her face. “You’re okay. It’ll be all over soon, I promise. You’re doing so good…”

“I just want to sleep…” Narcissa whispered, feeling completely helpless and spent. She had never known exhaustion like this, and was certain she was going to die from it. “Please, Bella, I just… I just want to _sleep…_ ”

“I know, love,” Bellatrix breathed, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “But we can’t give you anything, I’m sorry. We don’t know how other potions will react to the pain reliever once we give it to you. It isn’t safe.”

Narcissa cried harder then, and Bellatrix continued trying to shush her with little to no avail. Even with the sound of it though, Lucius did not stir. He had always been a heavy sleeper though, and his light snores across the room made Narcissa want to murder him, because this wasn’t _fair._ “This is your fault…” Narcissa softly accused through her wheezing, and the corners of Bellatrix’s lips turned down into a frown at those words.

“I know,” she whispered, which for some reason made Narcissa feel even worse. “But… even if you hate me for this for the rest of your life, I’m always going to love you for it. You’ve sacrificed so much for me, Narcissa, and I swear to you, one day, I’ll do the same for you in return. You have my word.” She kissed the corner of her mouth then, and another fat tear leaked from the corner of Narcissa’s eye.

“I don’t want your word,” Narcissa groaned miserably, wiping the wetness from her cheeks. “I just want… God, I just want to sleep, I just want to die, I just want it to _stop…_ ”

But then she felt this odd release of pressure from her abdomen, followed by the worst pain she had ever experienced, and Narcissa _screamed._ Lucius practically fell out of the armchair he jumped so much, and Bellatrix’s eyes widened as she felt the wetness even sitting right next to her. 

“Fuck, _fuck!_ ” Narcissa shouted, feeling like a sledgehammer had started hammering at her insides. When Bellatrix had told her that the contractions would get worse once her water broke, she wasn’t kidding; there was hell, and then there was _this._ “Give me the drugs, _give me the sodding drugs!_ ”

“Okay, okay, hold on,” Bellatrix tried, grasping her sister’s hand in order to help her stand so she could get to the birthing area. “Let me check how dilated you are first, and then we can—”

“I don’t give a shit how dilated I am, _just give them to me!_ ”

And Lucius, to his credit, rushed off to do just that. 

Thankfully, when Bellatrix checked again, she was nine and a half centimeters, and she allowed Lucius to give her the drugs so she could start pushing. After that, it was like a dream; reality blurred and pain was a distant memory and all Narcissa could remember was staring at the ornate chandelier on the ceiling as Bellatrix and Lucius practically screamed at one another all the way through the birth. She was _there_ , and she was present, but what must have lasted a few hours only seemed like ten minutes in the end.

“Fuck, Lucius, get me another towel, she soiled herself,” Narcissa heard Bellatrix say near the end, which logically, she knew she should be embarrassed about, but at the time she barely registered the words as being in English.

“She… she did _what?_ ” Lucius practically stuttered, looking completely scarred by that information, which was absolutely ridiculous, seeing as _Bellatrix_ was the one witnessing the actual horror show that was going on down there. The most he had to do was hold her hand and coach her through her breathing.

“Don’t be a dick; it’s perfectly fucking normal, now do what I say before this baby gets delivered in a pile of shit!” Bellatrix snapped, and Lucius finally rushed to accommodate her. After she was all cleaned up, Bellatrix looked up from between her sister’s thighs and encouraged, “Alright, you’re almost done, come on. Once her shoulders are out, the hard part’s over, so just keep pushing, okay? You’re doing really fucking good, Cissy, do you hear me? It’s almost over, I promise.”

Narcissa nodded, but to be honest, at that point, it wasn’t even that big of a deal. Whatever Lucius had given her had worked _miracles,_ and so when Bellatrix encouraged to give her one more big push she did so without any qualms, until she finally felt this slippery-wet sensation followed by a huge relief on her vaginal muscles once the baby was all the way out of her. 

It didn’t take long until a loud wail of a child sounded through the manor as Bellatrix worked on severing the umbilical cord and cleaning it up, and it was _that_ which finally forced Narcissa out of her drug-induced stupor as she realized what the hell she had just done.

And what the hell she was about to _lose._

But before she could start breaking down, she heard her sister breathe a horrified sounding, “ _…Shit,_ ” and Narcissa’s stomach plummeted because she knew something was wrong. The child was still screaming as she tried to force herself on her elbows to see what was happening, but Bellatrix’s back was to them as she magically cleaned the blood off the infant. It had been covered with it, completely from head to toe, so whatever it was that horrified Bellatrix, obviously wasn’t visible until it had been completely devoid of the redness that had coated it.

“What? What is it?” Lucius asked, a tremor in his voice as he held tight to his wife’s shoulder. He had gone pale, but whether that was because he could see the mess of blood between Narcissa’s thighs, or because of what Bellatrix had said, she had no idea. “What’s wrong with it? Bellatrix!”

But when her sister turned, she was practically covering the baby from their view with her arms, this look of guilt and distress causing her eyes to actually water, and Bellatrix, God, she didn’t… she didn’t _cry,_ and yet…

“It’s… it’s nothing. I have to… I need to bring it to Him, I—” Bellatrix tried, her voice sounding strained and almost a little terrified as she tried to hide whatever was wrong from her sister, who was now looking at her with tears spilling from her eyes. She knew from how Bellatrix was acting that it had to be terrible, but Narcissa didn’t understand _how_ terrible before Bellatrix tried to reach for the infant blanket to better hide it from view. 

Because despite her best efforts, Bellatrix’s arm slipped as she tried to wrap the baby girl in the blanket, giving Narcissa a brief glimpse of the top of the child’s head. Her heart stopped, eyes widening in horror and realization as Narcissa was confronted with the worst possible scenario that she hadn’t even thought of before now, because Bellatrix had _promised…_

“No…” she breathed, before a sob hitched in the back of her throat and Narcissa screamed, trying desperately to get up and reach her child, _“No!_ Bella… Bella!” And Lucius didn’t understand, he didn’t see, but it didn’t matter because Narcissa was screaming and Bellatrix looked like something had broken inside of her as she clutched the infant to her breast, because she knew Narcissa would never forgive her for this.

Because it wasn’t a demon. It wasn’t soulless. It wasn’t anything else that Narcissa feared, because she hadn’t known her worst fear until she actually saw it in front of her. She hadn’t known this was a possibility, because Bellatrix had assured her that it wasn’t. But now, Narcissa knew agony like nothing else as something inside of her shattered, because the child that Bellatrix was holding wasn’t a clone of her sister at all. 

Because the child was blonde.

**TBC…**


	17. XVII. Autumn 1977 – Winter 1978

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN  
Autumn 1977 – Winter 1978**

Narcissa couldn’t breathe, and yet she was screaming.

She was screaming and trying to get up, but Bellatrix was shouting at Lucius to hold her still because she still needed to pass the placenta, but Narcissa didn’t _care._ She needed to get to her daughter, because if she didn’t then Bellatrix would take her and it’d all be… it’d all be _over_ and she couldn’t bear—

“Narcissa! Narcissa, calm down!” Lucius tried desperately as he held her in place, no doubt thinking she was just getting some kind of extreme maternal attachment to the child just because she gave birth to it, but that wasn’t it at all. He didn’t understand, because he hadn’t seen what she had before Bellatrix covered the child in a blanket, shielding it from their view. 

Blonde. The child was _blonde._

If the baby had truly been a clone of her sister, as Bellatrix had claimed it would be, then there was no possibility that the infant would be born with little wisps of blonde hair. Bellatrix didn’t even _have_ hair when she was born, and so Narcissa hadn’t been expecting any when she first laid eyes on the child. Regardless though, Narcissa knew that even if this supposed version of Bellatrix _was_ born with hair, then it would be dark. There wouldn’t be any other options.

And so Narcissa knew that the child was hers. Hers, and… God, Bellatrix’s? Or Lucius’? Did the ritual Bellatrix use even take, and she just so happened to conceive with Lucius around the same time, or did Bellatrix know that she was going to conceive a child _with_ her during the ritual, and merely lied to cover up the truth?

Narcissa didn’t know, but in that moment, she didn’t even care; regardless of who the ‘father’ of that child was, she knew one thing, and that was that she couldn’t let Bellatrix take her daughter. She couldn’t let the Dark Lord have her baby, she _couldn’t…!_

“Narcissa, hold still!” Lucius tried, his pressure on her shoulders more forceful. “You’re still drugged, you’re going to hurt yourself!”

“Don’t let her take her!” Narcissa screamed, her nails digging into her husband’s wrist as she tried to get his attention. She was crying, _sobbing_ , completely delirious and exhausted and in pain but God, _God_ none of that mattered right now. “Don’t let her take my baby, Lucius; please, _please…!_ ”

A tear slipped from the corner of Bellatrix’s eye, making it’s torturous decent down the contour of her cheek and Narcissa knew, she just _knew_ that this was her fault; that she had _known_ all along, and yet never said anything. The guilty look on her face said it all, and as the blonde watched her sister look like something inside of her was shattering, Narcissa wished in that moment that she could conjure enough magical energy inside of her to strike the woman dead on the spot without her wand; because Bellatrix _knew,_ Bellatrix was devastated because she _knew_ that Narcissa would never forgive her for a betrayal like this, and her heart was breaking because of it.

“I’m sorry,” Bellatrix breathed, her voice strained and hoarse as another tear fell down her cheek. “You were never supposed to know. I’m sorry…” And then she stepped away, infant clutched in her arms, and Narcissa was screaming and crying again and trying desperately to get away from her husband as Bellatrix disapparated from the manor, taking their daughter with her.

“Narcissa, please—!” Lucius tried, but that was about as far as he got.

“She’s _mine!_ ” Narcissa screamed, feeling more contractions in her stomach that she tried to ignore as her placenta was preparing to finally pass. In the end, it was such a distant feeling behind what she was experiencing right now. She felt like her soul was ripping clean in half. “She’s blonde, Lucius! She was… she was _blonde_ and she was mine! Oh God, she was _mine…!_ ” She choked on the rest of her words, barely able to breathe through her sorrow, but it was okay because Lucius finally understood.

“ _What?_ ” he raged, his voice disbelieving and angry as he stepped away from her, looking down at his wife as she let out another moan, pushing hard on her stomach to try to get the placenta out of her body. She couldn’t do this right now; she didn’t have _time_ for this right now! “Are you—you’re _certain?_ ”

“Just _get her!_ ” Narcissa shouted before she let out another scream; the drugs must have worn off, because this was more painful than the delivery was. Lucius looked at her like he didn’t know what to do as she laid there and screamed, but Narcissa couldn’t have him waste time. “I’ll be fine; just _go!_ ” she screamed, pushing him away with one of her hands. “Please, Lucius; get my baby, get my—!” 

But she had to cut herself off with another low moan, and Lucius stared at her for a long moment, looking completely overwhelmed and like he wasn’t even certain of what to believe. He must fear that his wife was merely delirious due to the exhaustion and the drugs, but to his credit he did do what he was told, and disapparated in order to, if nothing else, find out if Narcissa’s claims were true.

After that, it took a very long time until Narcissa was able to stop crying. 

She passed the placenta on her own, but it was a struggle to attempt to clean herself up as she waited for Lucius to come home. And when he did she actually collapsed into a heap on the ground, because all he could do was look at her with this expression of the utmost sorrow and apology as he gently shook his head. No, he could not get her; or no, he _would_ not get her. Regardless of whether or not the child was truly hers, it belonged to the Dark Lord now. Lucius didn’t voice that out loud, but Narcissa knew. She knew why he didn’t come home with her baby, and that crippled her.

Lucius tried to help her off the ground after she had fallen, but she just screamed at him and weakly beat him with her fists as she demanded he leave her alone. She didn’t want anyone touching her, she didn’t want anyone _near_ her, because she felt as though everyone she loved had betrayed her. Because she knew even before Lucius had left that at the end of the day, he would not bring her daughter back; he was too terrified of the Dark Lord, too scared to be hunted down and murdered for their betrayal, but Narcissa didn’t _care._ That was her _child,_ and she would have willingly died should it mean her daughter would be able to live.

Eventually though, exhaustion took hold and Lucius was at least able to move her to the couch. It wasn’t the most ideal place to rest, but he couldn’t get her up the stairs with Narcissa screaming and hitting him. Even weak as she was, Lucius apparently feared he would drop her should he attempt it, and so he just tucked her into the couch and brought her a few blankets and pillows, one of which was violently thrown at him before Narcissa just collapsed into a ball and cried well into the rest of the night.

It was half past midnight when Bellatrix finally returned.

And Lucius didn’t even think, he just reacted. A nonverbal spell was thrown her way before Bellatrix had the sense to block it, and she shouted something unintelligible before she grasped onto her abdomen, covering the bloody gash with her hand. The commotion got the attention of Narcissa, who had to exert all of her strength just to sit up on the couch, and even then her arms shook from the pressure as she strained to see out into the foyer.

She couldn’t see much, but she at least saw her sister just as Lucius hurled a Cruciatus Curse at her, not giving her enough time to shield _that_ either, as the first spell had already taken her by surprise. Bellatrix screamed, dropping to the ground, and Narcissa’s heart began pounding in her throat as she watched the agony etch across her sister’s face. _More,_ a part of her begged silently to her husband. _Hurt her more. Make her feel like I do. Make her want to die._

“You vile, evil, manipulative _cunt!_ ” he raged through Bellatrix’s screams. They weren’t as loud as Rodolphus’ were, as clearly her sister could handle pain _much_ better, but Narcissa could tell she was still in agony, and that was enough. Tears leaked from her eyes as she watched the scene in front of her, but not because she wanted it to stop; it was because she wanted it to go on forever, and a part of herself shattered at the thought, because Bellatrix was supposed to be her destiny. “You’ve destroyed her! Your own sister, the woman you claim you love, _you fucking destroyed her!_ ”

“I… didn’t…” Bellatrix tried, but another curse was thrown at her and she had to shut her eyes and grit her teeth as she tried to bear through it. Her hand clutched at her abdomen once more, covering her palm with blood before a scream was actually forced out of her throat, and the flat of her hand hit the mahogany flooring again once, twice, and a third time before she forced her eyes open, and the sight of her startled Lucius so badly that he was forced to back up into the wall.

Bellatrix’s eyes were completely black.

Narcissa quietly gasped as she watched her sister grasp for her wand in her robes, but instead of throwing a curse at Lucius in return, she just struggled to get to her feet, her chest heaving and eyes wild. “What the _fuck_ are you?” Lucius breathed in horror, never having witnessed anyone call upon the magic within them without a wand before. Narcissa wasn’t surprised though; _horrified,_ yes, but she knew her sister had studied Blood Magic extensively, and unfortunately for Lucius, he had sliced her open beforehand, giving Bellatrix something that she could actually draw from.

“ _Hers,_ ” Bellatrix responded, out of breath yet firm as her eyes began to return to a normal color. She steadied herself against the wall before using her wand to seal the wound Lucius had inflicted on her. “And believe me, that is the _only_ reason why I won’t kill you for what you just did.” 

“What _I_ just did?!” Lucius shouted furiously, pointing into the parlor, where Narcissa resided. She wanted to get up, she wanted to attack her sister and make her hurt for everything that she had done to her, but after delivering a baby she could barely move. It was agonizing. “You took her _child_ from her; you fucking promised her that she was birthing _yours,_ and you—!”

“She _did_ birth mine,” Bellatrix interrupted, and although her voice was strong, bordering on defensive, it did eventually drop to a softer, more apologetic tone as she finished, “…I never lied about that.”

“And that’s supposed to make it _better?_ You fucking—!”

“I didn’t have a _choice!_ ” Bellatrix shouted, and the blatant excuse made Narcissa want to rip her to pieces. She clenched her fist so hard that her knuckles flashed white and her nails dug into her palm. Tears were streaming down her face, but she barely registered them as she listened to her sister try to justify her actions with, “The Dark Lord would have known if I had given him something that didn’t come from her, but I told her that child was solely mine so she would never think that she was giving anything up! I lied to her to _spare_ her, Lucius! I never thought her genes would be the more dominant ones; I never thought she would _know!_ ”

“You… _lying,_ ” Lucius seethed, throwing another curse at her. “Disgusting…” Another curse followed, but like the last, it was immediately blocked by a shield spell. “Incestuous piece of _trash!_ ” He advanced on her as he kept throwing curses, but even as Bellatrix backed up and blocked every single one, she didn’t move to retaliate. In the end, maybe she knew she deserved this. “You did this on purpose! You did this to _own_ her, you did this to—!”

“I did this to _save_ her!” Bellatrix raged. “I did this because I love her! Don’t you _dare_ imply that I didn’t have her best interests at heart; everything that I do, I do for _her!_ ” But Bellatrix was starting to get backed into a literal corner, and so when Lucius threw another curse at her, the strength of her shield was so strong that it expanded outwards and slammed into Lucius, throwing him straight across the foyer and into a wall.

He landed on the floor in a heap, and didn’t move.

“ _Stop!_ Narcissa screamed from inside the parlor, fearing Lucius had gotten seriously hurt. Hopefully he was just knocked out though because she couldn’t get up to check on him, and even if she wanted to, her path was now blocked by Bellatrix, who had rushed in there once she had heard her voice. She had probably thought she was upstairs resting, and so surprise etched across her face once she laid eyes on her sister.

“Cissy…” she breathed, looking as though just the mere sight of her broke her. She sounded so devastated, so _apologetic,_ that it made Narcissa want to rip her tongue from her throat. “Narcissa, I am _so_ sor—”

“If you ever try to apologize to me, I will _beat you to death,_ ” Narcissa seethed, her eyes flashing with anger and hatred, effectively stopping her sister’s approach towards her. Bellatrix looked like she was falling apart, and the vindictive side of Narcissa rejoiced in her pain. “You’re not _sorry._ You wanted this, you have _always_ wanted this; something that physically tied us together, yet something you could also give to _him._ You’ve probably been planning something like this for years, haven’t you? You figured that since you couldn’t have a baby of your own, that you’d just use _me,_ right?! Because why _not_ use my debt to the Dark Lord and my utter devastation as an advantage for yourself; why fucking let a perfectly good opportunity go to waste?!”

“What? _No,_ Narcissa, I didn’t even know about your situation until—”

“Don’t fucking speak to me!” Narcissa shouted, cutting her sister off mid-sentence. Her voice was hoarse, broken. She felt like something inside of her had died. “I _never_ want to hear your voice again. I never want to _see_ you again. You are dead to me, Bellatrix; do you hear me?! _You are dead to me!_ ”

Bellatrix began to cry at that, but it didn’t make Narcissa feel better; all it did was make her feel hollow and lifeless. Her sister, this fierce warrior, this utter _force_ of destruction and power, was openly weeping in front of her, and yet Narcissa couldn’t bring herself to bask in her ability to break her, because it wasn’t enough. But the thing of it was, no matter what she did, no matter how much she hurt her sister, she knew it would never bring their daughter back. She was gone, and she wasn’t ever coming back.

“Cissy, _please…_ ” Bellatrix begged, sounding like her heart was breaking completely in half. Narcissa knew the feeling well. “I never meant to hurt you. I was only—”

“What the fuck did I just say?!” Narcissa snapped, effectively silencing Bellatrix once again. “Get the fuck out, Bellatrix; get the _fuck_ out of my house and don’t ever come back because I swear to God, if you do, I will tell Lucius that you’ve been raping me for more than half of my fucking life before I let him loose on you.”

Bellatrix stared at her like she had been slapped; not because she was worried about what Lucius would do to her should Narcissa tell him something like that, but because it would be the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. There was no coming back from that. Even now, Narcissa doubted there was any coming back from _this,_ but if she told Lucius that her sister viciously brutalized her for most of her life, he would make certain they would _never_ see one another again. He’d take her somewhere far away, somewhere Bellatrix could never find them, and they would never lay eyes upon one another again.

And that was if he didn’t kill her first.

“Because it’s so _easy_ for me to play the victim, isn’t it?” Narcissa seethed, tears leaking from her eyes much in the same way they were from Bellatrix’s. Difference was, Narcissa barely registered hers as even existing, while Bellatrix frantically tried to wipe the evidence of her sorrow off her face. She had never dealt well with being human. “I’ll tell him I feared what you’d do to me if I told him, make it seem like you fucked with my head so badly that I felt like I had no other option _but_ to please you in all the sexually deviant ways that your sick mind craved. I will make you out to be the most vile, _disgusting_ human being on the face of this earth, Bellatrix, and when I do, I hope that my betrayal fucking destroys you; just as you’ve destroyed me, and just as you destroyed _her._ ”

Bellatrix had to cover her mouth as she stifled another strangled sob, backing up a little until her back hit the threshold of the door. She looked as though Narcissa’s threat had cut her open inside, because if there was one thing Bellatrix never wanted to be painted as in their relationship, it was a rapist. “Cissy, please…” she breathed, the words barely audible through her forceful sobs. “Please don’t do this, you’re _everything—_ ”

“Our _daughter_ was everything!” Narcissa screamed, and her own words practically broke her clean in half as she sobbed. She had a daughter; they had a _daughter,_ and now she was just… she was gone. “She should have been everything and you killed her! You _killed_ her! You killed our fucking daughter, Bellatrix, get out! _Get out!_ I will kill you if I ever see you again, I’ll—!” 

But her words fell away to nothing and she curled into a ball and sobbed, unable to handle the truth of what had happened today. Bellatrix stood there for a long time before she finally seemed to accept that she had lost her, and with one last look of sorrow and heartbreak she disapparated from her home, and out of her sister’s life.

[x]

Three days later, they received a visitor.

Narcissa had only moved enough to make it to her bedroom, but that had been about the extent of it. She had spent the past few days in bed; barely eating, barely sleeping, barely functioning. She hadn’t spoken a single word since Bellatrix had left, and while Lucius hadn’t stopped trying to get her to communicate with him, thus far it had yielded no results. That was, until Lucius showed up in her room after the doorbell had rung, looking a little pale and awfully hesitant about how his announcement would be received.

“Narcissa, the… Dark Lord is here to see you.”

Narcissa stared at him, praying she didn’t really hear the words her husband had said. Fear and anger rose so fiercely inside of her that she had to grip the mattress beneath her in order not to do anything rash. If she did, the Dark Lord would most certainly kill her, and while she wasn’t entirely opposed to death after what she had been through, she could not do that Lucius. The Dark Lord would probably kill _him_ too just for having a wife who would dare go against him, or perhaps just to assure that Lucius himself wouldn’t betray him after murdering the woman he loves. Either way, being antagonistic was completely out of the question, and that killed Narcissa inside because she was _not_ okay with this. She was so very far from okay with all of this.

“Send him in.” The words killed her to utter, and yet she spoke them all the same. From days of not speaking her voice was hoarse, and she had to cough to clear it directly after.

Lucius’ brow rose. “In here? Narcissa, don’t you think that’s a little inappro—”

“I just had a _baby,_ Lucius; I’m sure he’ll understand. Now send him in, because I sure as hell am not planning to get up for him.”

Lucius looked wary at that answer, as she sounded hostile towards the Dark Lord, and that would never lead to anything good. Narcissa knew that too and internally scolded herself for how she was acting as Lucius left to do as instructed. She had to deal with this the proper way, or she was risking Lucius’ life; no matter how she felt, no matter what had happened, she could not put him in jeopardy. He did not deserve this, especially when all of this was only happening because of _her_.

No. _No._ It was happening because of Bellatrix. Narcissa saved her life and _this_ was how she repaid her? Narcissa had never really had any true homicidal thoughts towards anyone before, not even their mother, but all she could do lately was imagine all of the slow and brutal ways in which she would like to murder her sister.

Narcissa wished it made her feel better, but the truth was, nothing did anymore. 

She felt hollow.

When the Dark Lord entered her bedroom, Narcissa’s blood ran cold. The darkness had corrupted his appearance much more than the last time she had seen him, to the point where he barely even looked human. He truly was the most frightening person Narcissa had ever laid eyes on, but even that didn’t diminish her desire to kill him. And so Narcissa steeled her jaw and stared up at him, not even trusting herself to greet him politely, and therefore choosing to say nothing at all. Behind the Dark Lord, Lucius hovered in the doorway and watched nervously.

“Narcissa,” Voldemort greeted, inclining his head a little in acknowledgement. “You’re looking well.”

Did she? She felt like she was dead inside, but perhaps he was just being polite. Narcissa felt like she was choking on her words as she forced out a terse, “…Thank you,” before immediately closing her mouth again. She must look like she was struggling with her temper, because Voldemort seemed a bit amused by it. Still, he did not comment and instead looked to Lucius.

“Leave us,” he commanded, and although Lucius looked wildly apprehensive about that, he did as instructed and left, closing the door behind him. In the end, he would always be a loyal lap dog above all else; it seemed everyone she had ever loved was.

“Does he know?” Voldemort asked once they were alone. Narcissa swallowed hard, knowing exactly what he was talking about, because _of fucking course_ Bellatrix would tell him. She would want credit for what she’d given him, after all.

“…Yes.” 

“Interesting choice,” Voldemort responded, his voice holding a tone that implied he believed there was something more going on behind that decision, as surely it would have been simpler to just make one the old fashioned way with her husband. “Even more interesting that Lucius would condone such a thing. Unless he’s aware of your…” He side-eyed her. “ _Indiscretions_. Has your marriage become mere formality now?”

Narcissa tried like hell not to flush in anger and embarrassment at the implication. “Lucius is unaware of my true relationship with my sister, and so with all due respect, _my Lord,_ I would appreciate it if you kept your voice down.” That was ballsy, even for her, as the stressed form of address sounded more angry and sarcastic than anything else, but Voldemort merely looked amused by her. Apparently, he didn’t even find her significant enough to be irate with over the lack of respect. Still, Narcissa internally berated herself. No matter how she may feel, she needed to stop. This was treading a dangerous line.

“I… did it to spare him,” Narcissa finally revealed, trying to move the conversation away from her blatant disrespect. “The debt was mine, not his. He didn’t deserve the pain of losing a child.”

“And does it?” Voldemort asked, actually sounding a little curious as he tilted his head and peered at her. “Cause you pain?”

Narcissa stared at him like he was insane for ever believing that it could not. But, then again, her sister probably wasn’t losing sleep over it, and the child was just as much hers as it was Narcissa’s. “Yes,” she responded, the words tense and choked as she tried desperately not to think of it, not to remember. “…Very much.”

Voldemort looked as though that concept perplexed him, and Narcissa could not help but think that it was perhaps _he_ who did not have a soul. 

Still, he gave her empty platitudes. “It should bring you comfort then,” the Dark Lord told her, “to know that your sacrifice will be an invaluable assistance in this war. You have my gratitude.”

Comfort? He believed that thought would bring her _comfort?_ She didn’t give a damn about him or his war. She never wanted to be mixed up in any of this, but she never had a choice. And what killed her the most was that she was only suffering this because she wanted to save the woman she loved, only to have Bellatrix betray her and have it all be for nothing in the end. There was no reason her daughter should have died, and that killed her.

“I must admit,” the Dark Lord continued, looking down at her, “that I was surprised you gave me the child of your own volition. I have found that most mothers have this instinctual need to protect their young, which is why so many of my dealings with them have met unfortunate ends.” ‘So many’? God, how many _were_ there? Narcissa had only known of Gwendolyn, but perhaps not all were in his inner circle. 

“I keep my deals,” Narcissa responded, her voice only briefly wavering. It took all of her self-control not to scream, cry, or otherwise completely break down. His comment about ‘mothers protecting their young’ made her feel like an awful human being, because she couldn’t. She barely even tried.

Her eyes began to water.

“And so you have,” Voldemort responded, his tone indicating that the conversation was coming to a close. Narcissa only wished it would get there faster, because she was losing control over her emotions. “Thus, you are relieved of your debt to me. I do hope you find the bargain to be as well worth it on your end as it was on my own.” He inclined his head a little towards her, his politeness seemingly mocking Narcissa as she began to practically fall apart in front of him, before taking his leave with, “Good day.”

He left the room then, and Narcissa burst into tears.

She was inconsolable after that, although to be fair, it wasn’t as though she was doing well before the Dark Lord’s visit either. Still, what Voldemort had said about the other mothers instinctively trying to protect their young got to her, and Narcissa hated herself for having failed her daughter so completely. She should have done something, _anything,_ but all she did was practically lie back and allow her sister to take her baby from her. She should have fought hard enough, should have realized the truth early enough, and yet she hadn’t. And it was that, more than anything else, that Narcissa knew she would never, ever be able to forgive herself for.

And so she deteriorated.

At the end of the day, the sad fact remained that Lucius just didn’t know how to handle her. He tried, bless his heart he _tried,_ but he was too gentle; too nice, too accommodating, too bloody fucking patient and it made him unable to get anything done. So while he begged and pleaded with his wife to just get up, to just eat, to just maybe get dressed or take a shower and _function,_ Narcissa just wasted away. Every night in her dreams she saw the face of her daughter before Bellatrix took her away, and every morning she’d wake up to tears and regret and a sense of self-loathing unlike anything she had ever experienced before, and it killed her inside.

Her twenty second birthday came and went, the rest of the world still believing her to be too ill to put on a celebration. To be honest though, Narcissa barely even noticed. All the days blended together for her now.

It wasn’t long after that though that Lucius brought someone to see her.

“Narcissa?” he asked softly, gently rapping on their bedroom door with his knuckles. Narcissa didn’t respond to him, but considering she barely spoke anymore, Lucius hadn’t been expecting it. Instead, he told her, “There’s someone here to see you.”

_That_ got Narcissa’s attention, as no one was supposed to be aware of their… indiscretions. Even Cassandra hadn’t been to see her in nearly a year, and though Narcissa missed her terribly, she couldn’t bear facing anyone. Not yet. If she had the effort, she would have screamed at Lucius for bringing someone _here,_ but she was not well at all and at the moment, even speaking seemed like far too much effort to exert.

Lucius stepped aside, revealing their guest. “You remember Severus, I assume?” 

Narcissa looked at the boy—no, he was nearly a man now. Severus Snape was gangly and as greasy as ever, but he stood at nearly the same height as Lucius now. Narcissa hadn’t seen him since she had graduated, but she had known that Lucius kept in touch with him. Although she would have never considered the two of them friends, as Severus had just practically followed Lucius around like a puppy when they were children, it seemed their relationship had progressed into something with a little more trust, seeing as Lucius had brought him here when no one was supposed to know the truth of their situation. 

Perhaps in the end though, it was ridiculous to assume that Lucius had no one close to him other than her, especially when she had been so distant and lifeless as of late. Her husband was still human, and that kind of alienation wasn’t good for anyone; and right now, Narcissa was living proof of that. She was broken beyond recognition, and Severus’ lips pursed into a thin line when he saw the state of her.

“I’m not a Healer, Lucius,” he reminded his friend in a low tone, clearly believing her to be ill. Maybe she was by this point, but it hadn’t started out that way.

“I cannot bring a Healer to her; unfortunately, with our unique situation, discretion is of the utmost importance,” Lucius responded, a clear reminder to him that he expected Severus to remain quiet about anything he saw or heard while here. The other man just nodded though, understanding and accepting his request. “I may be good with potions, but you’re far better, my friend. If you can find a way to help her, I’d be grateful. I fear I am running out of options.”

Severus looked at the woman in bed for a long moment, taking in the paleness of her skin and gauntness of her cheeks. She had lost quite a lot of weight since her pregnancy; all of her baby weight and then some. If Bellatrix were still around, one look at her would have the woman forcing food down her throat, but Bellatrix wasn’t here. Not anymore. Not fucking ever.

“Is she suffering from a physical ailment or a…” Severus paused for a long moment, giving her one last look over before he finished, “mental one?” It seemed, though, that he already assumed the latter, given his tone.

And so Lucius responded with, “As far as I’m aware, it is only mental.”

“What brought it on?”

The question was directed at her this time, but Narcissa didn’t say anything. She just stared at him with tired eyes, and Lucius sighed softly as he crossed the room to sit next to her on the bed. Taking Narcissa’s hand in his own, he laced their fingers together and said solemnly to his friend, “Don’t take offense; she hardly even speaks to me anymore. I haven’t heard her voice in weeks.”

“She’s able to though, I assume?” Severus asked, and Lucius nodded. He looked so pained that he had to do this, and Narcissa knew that that should tear her up inside, but she hardly felt anything at all anymore. She felt numb; like she was existing, yet not living anymore.

“She… _we,_ ” Lucius corrected himself, not needing his friend to know the exact details of what had happened, “lost a child back in November. Narcissa hasn’t… been herself since.”

“—I see,” Severus responded, understanding why Narcissa was acting this way now. “That is… deeply unfortunate.” And despite the fact that Narcissa could barely feel, was barely even lucid and aware of this conversation that was happening around her, a tear slipped down her cheek at the mention of it. She felt so very far away, but apparently she wasn’t far enough. 

“I’m very sorry for your loss.” 

The condolence felt meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but Lucius nodded his appreciation regardless as he tightened his hand in his wife’s. Narcissa, however, just continued to silently cry as she stared at the far wall, wishing she hadn’t just slept fifteen hours so she didn’t have to be awake for this. She just wished she could sleep forever and never wake up; maybe then she wouldn’t have to remember.

“So you can see why we require the utmost discretion,” Lucius said softly, his thumb tracing soft circles on the back of Narcissa’s hand. “As far as the rest of the world is aware, Narcissa has been dreadfully ill. No one has seen her since early June. No one… knows. This must be kept secret, please. We did not announce this pregnancy for a reason, Severus. I’m sure you can understand why.”

And as understanding dawned across Severus’ face, Narcissa’s head snapped towards him, and then down towards his left arm. If he understood that without being explicitly told, then… 

She practically snatched his forearm just as Lucius’s eyes widened and he protested, “Narcissa!” But Narcissa didn’t listen and forced the robe upwards, noting the Dark Mark on Severus’ skin. She went pale as she dropped his arm, and Severus tried to compose himself after being practically manhandled by the woman no one believed would even move, let alone speak.

But she did speak. “You joined them…” Narcissa’s voice was hoarse, broken and weak from its lack of use, but she didn’t care. Her gaze snapped towards her husband. anger and blame in her eyes as she smacked his shoulder with all of her strength. Which, granted, wasn’t much, but it didn’t matter. 

“You did this, didn’t you?!” she shouted, although half of her words got caught in her throat because she hadn’t been used to saying anything for a while, let alone screaming it. It hurt her esophagus terribly, but Narcissa didn’t care as she continued smacking her husband and shouting, “Haven’t you learned that all the Dark Lord does is… is bring us pain and _suffering?!_ Why are you bringing more people into—he’s going to _destroy_ them, Lucius; he’s going to destroy all of them just like he destroyed _us,_ and yet you keep giving him… you keep…!”

She was beginning to get frantic, and Lucius kept trying to calm her down with, “ _Narcissa!_ ” in between apologies towards Severus for his wife acting this way, for _saying_ these things when she ‘didn’t mean them’ and God, Narcissa hated them. She hated all of them. They were all so loyal and all so _blinded_ and she was going to end up dying with the rest of them, because they kept insisting that it was she who’s vision was askew. But Narcissa knew; she knew where this road would lead them all, and it killed her that she couldn’t get Lucius off of it.

Eventually Lucius brought her a Calming Draught, which wasn’t uncommon for him to give her in the beginning. She had had fits like this before, especially after Voldemort had left, and it was the only thing Lucius could do to keep her from doing something rash. But after Narcissa fell silent and just lied there in a blissful haze that she knew was not real, Lucius looked to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown as he shot a pleading look towards his friend.

“I can’t keep drugging her,” he told Severus softly, his hand fisting in his hair as he stared at his wife. “I can’t keep… doing _this._ Any of this. She doesn’t eat, she barely moves. Sometimes I can get her to take a liquid meal, but it’s not as often as I’d like and she only does it because she cannot stand the feeling of dehydration. I’ve had to dilute the potions a lot with water because of it, and I don’t know if they’re even giving her enough to live on at this point. I’m scared she’s going to wither away if I don’t get her help soon, Severus. Please, I cannot lose her.”

Severus’ expression was grave, but he nodded his understanding to his friend. “I’m not an expert, but I’m going to assume your wife is suffering from severe postpartum depression,” he told him, although perhaps that was a given at this point. Still, Lucius nodded that he understood. “I am not well-versed in a potion to regulate such an ailment, but I promise you I will do what I can. It is difficult though, to treat something like that without the…” he hesitated for a moment, “child. She no doubt feels guilty for what happened to it, and that’s hard to remedy with a mere potion.”

“At this point, anything would be a welcome help,” Lucius told him, sounding exhausted and desperate. “I just need her to live, rather than just… _exist._ Because if she goes on like this for much longer, I fear she won’t have it in her to exist at all anymore.”

But Narcissa was shaking her head. Even though her haze of bliss, she was still aware enough to know that wasn’t what she wanted. “Memory,” was all she said as she looked at Lucius, her eyes a little unfocused. His brow furrowed. 

“What, darling?”

He had given her quite a lot of the Calming Draught, so nothing seemed very real to her anymore. Thus, Narcissa had a hard time connecting to reality and could only express herself very vaguely before she fell back into the well of calming bliss. She only said one word, and it was, “Forget.” Lucius however, understood immediately.

“You want to forget?”

Severus clicked his tongue, a wary expression on his face. “Even the most skilled potion makers cannot guarantee the effects of a memory loss potion,” he told him. “I would strongly advise against it. Obliviate would be a better choice, but erasing a specific length of time is easier than only removing memories that have to do with a certain event. The farther back you have to go, the more difficult it will become, and I’m assuming this loss was not something that was sprung upon you both, but something you have been prepared for?”

After all, if Severus knew they gave their child to the Dark Lord, he most certainly understood why. He would know that people have traded their children for favors from him, and thus it stood to reason that they knew about this prior to it coming to pass, and he wouldn’t be wrong about that. And unfortunately, while Lucius had only known about it for a short while, Narcissa had been aware of what she would be required to sacrifice for over six years now.

And that was a lot of time and memories to navigate through. 

Narcissa wanted to cry, but the potion she was forced to take would not let her. Lucius seemed resigned to believe that memory loss was not the solution that they needed due to Severus’ warnings, but Narcissa didn’t agree. Maybe neither of them could accomplish such a thing, but there had to be someone out there that _could._ Someone who was skilled enough in spell craft, someone who…

Someone who owed her. Who wouldn’t think twice because _they fucking owed her._

And while the thought sickened Narcissa to her very core, it didn’t matter. She knew what she had to do to get better, to survive this, and she knew _exactly_ where to go in order to achieve it. She just hoped though, in the end, that she wasn’t making a grave mistake for even going there in the first place.

[x]

It took Narcissa nearly a week until she felt like she was strong enough to actually leave the house.

Being mostly stationary for nearly four months did not do her muscles, or her _magic_ , any favors. As such even just attempting to apparate less than ten miles down the road took an awful toll on Narcissa; so much that she didn’t even _do_ it correctly and ended up splinching part of her shoulder in the process. The young woman hissed in pain when she got to her destination, falling to her knees outside the manor as she clutched onto her skin. 

Sticky blood began to cover her palm and Narcissa bit down hard on her bottom lip as she breathed heavily through her nose. She couldn’t believe she had done that; she had never in her _life_ splinched before. Apparation was something she was incredibly _good_ at, and now look at what had happened. It could have been much worse, granted, but it was still incredibly painful. It felt like she had left some of her skin behind, but it wasn’t very deep; only a few layers at best. Still, it stung like hell, and was bleeding even worse than that.

The only comfort Narcissa had was that the injury wasn’t life-threatening, but the fact that it had happened at all still made her feel completely worthless. There were few things in life she could get right, and now she couldn’t even manage those any longer.

It took a great amount of effort to get to her feet. Once she did and had made it to the door, the flat of her palm banged heavily against the mahogany wood desperately, feeling like she might pass out if she didn’t sit down soon. Thankfully the door was opened fairly quickly by the house elf. “My sister,” Narcissa gasped, leaning heavily against the threshold. “Get her!”

The house elf looked a little taken aback by the sight that greeted her. “M-Madame Lestrange is not in,” it stammered. “Veesy can alert the Master of the House if Madame Malfoy would pref—”

“Just get _someone!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed, her head feeling fuzzy. She took her hand off her wound and looked at it; it was completely caked in blood. Fuck, maybe it was worse than she thought.

The house elf did as she was told and disapparated, and not moments later Rodolphus was taking the stairs two at a time to get to her. The elf must have told him that she was bleeding pretty profusely, because she doubted he’d rush to get to her any other time. “Narcissa, what the fu—?”

“Splinched,” Narcissa exhaled, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment as she _demanded_ to herself not to fall down. Not in front of him. “Help…!”

“Jesus, you…” But whatever Rodolphus was going to say, he seemed to realize it could wait once he took a good look at her. She must look completely awful, because Rodolphus had never put her personal opinions of her on hold before. “Fuck, fine, just come in. I know we’ve got Dittany somewhere in this bloody house.”

But just when he turned to go get it, Narcissa tried to take a step of her own before her legs completely gave out from underneath her. Her knees hit the floor, followed shortly by her head, and then all Narcissa saw was black.

**TBC...**


	18. XVIII. Winter 1978

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how long it took to get this chapter out. My muse kind of died out sometime in January, and the only reason this continued to get to get updated through April was the fact that I was ahead in chapters. I still can’t promise how often this will get updated now that my inspiration has returned (my work schedule now is a little hectic), but I’m going to try to shoot for at least twice a month :)

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN  
Winter 1978**

“—Should have sent me an owl _immediately!_ Look at her, Rodolphus; she looks half fucking dead!”

Narcissa awoke to the sound of her sister screaming and she winced, the sound causing her head to pound. Bellatrix was practically shrieking; she sounded frantic and upset, almost as though she were on the verge of tears just from the sight of her. A part of Narcissa wished she could revel in her sister’s pain, but another part knew she must look absolutely awful for Bellatrix to be reacting this way. She certainly _felt_ awful.

“I had it under control,” Rodolphus responded in a terse voice, clearly unhappy to be on the receiving end of his wife’s temper when for once he was trying to do the _right_ thing by letting Narcissa into their home so he could heal her. “Besides, you were with the Dark Lord. Last I checked, your stance on that was that I was not to, and I quote, ‘interrupt your time with him unless I’d like to know what it feels like to choke on my own bollocks’. Considering I didn’t have the random urge to learn how that felt tonight, I refrained from sending for you. Excuse me for following your instruction.”

“Narcissa’s _different,_ ” Bellatrix seethed angrily. “You know she is. You know I…!” But her words faded away to nothing, and although Narcissa hadn’t yet opened her eyes to see her, she could just picture this devastated expression on her face. Her final word had choked in her throat, and Narcissa knew exactly how her face looked when she did that.

She wished she didn’t though. It made her feel things she didn’t know how to handle, because she _hated_ her with every fiber of her being. She just still loved her with every fiber of it too. Unfortunately, Narcissa still had yet to figure out how to turn that part off, and the worst part of all was that she didn’t know if she ever could either.

“Yes, yes, that you’d ‘burn the entire world for her,’ or whatever other insanely dramatic statement you feel the need to make in regards to your disgustingly abnormal relationship,” Rodolphus responded, his voice distinctly dripped in sarcasm and exasperation. But then he paused, and Narcissa didn’t have to see him to know that he was smirking; she could hear it in his tone. “Or, should I say your _former_ relation—”

But there was a loud thud followed by a choking sound as his words were cut off. “One of those,” Bellatrix warned, her tone deadly serious. “You get fucking _one of those,_ and that’s only because you stopped Narcissa from bleeding out all over our sodding house. So I hope that was fucking worth it.”

Another thud, no doubt Rodolphus being let go, and Narcissa could hear him choking a little as he gasped for air. “Doesn’t count,” he gasped out. “—Didn’t let me finish.”

“I’m so glad my broken heart is amusing to you,” Bellatrix responded dryly, her voice steady yet undeniably furious. “Now get the fuck out before I decide to break _you_ in half. That isn’t a bloody suggestion.”

Rodolphus chuckled beneath his breath, but seemed to do as he was told as Narcissa heard footsteps retreat from the parlor. Or, at least, that’s where she assumed that she was; she knew she was on a couch, but they had quite a few of them in this house in a handful of different rooms. This one _felt_ like the one in the parlor though, which made Narcissa fairly certain of where she was because she and her sister had spent quite a bit of ‘time’ together atop this couch bef—

_No._

God, Narcissa didn’t want to think about that. She didn’t want to think about anything to do with Bellatrix, which was ridiculous considering it was she who decided to come here and end this four-month long silence between them. But now that she was here Narcissa began to grow frightened by how this would turn out, because she didn’t want to forgive her. She _couldn’t._ Yet before, when they had been apart, it was easy for Narcissa to forget how much she loved her. How much she needed her. How much she missed her.

And now, she felt like she was drowning in it.

She wasn’t the only one though, as Narcissa heard her sister breathe a distressed sounding, “Fuck,” before there was the sound of movement and of Bellatrix sniffling a little as she tried to get ahold of her own emotions. It sounded like she was running her hands over her face, probably feeling as completely helpless as Narcissa did in that moment. “What the fuck did you do to yourself, Cissy?”

Bellatrix words were barely above a whisper, but Narcissa heard them as clear as if they had been shouted. She tried not to move, now irrationally hoping that maybe she could just pretend to be asleep for a little longer and sneak back out once Bellatrix left her side, because she really didn’t think she could do this; but even as she thought it she knew it was a futile hope, as Bellatrix wasn’t going to leave her. Despite everything that had happened, Narcissa did know that she loved her. She just fucked it up in all the worst ways.

And now Narcissa couldn’t even bear to look at her. Everything just ached.

“Okay, okay…” Bellatrix seemed to be coaching herself for a moment before it sounded like she stood and begun pacing a little. Narcissa could see her run her hand through her hair in her mind’s eye, because Bellatrix always did that when she paced. But why was she? As far as she knew, Narcissa was asleep. She didn’t have to deal with her right now. But then she heard Bellatrix stop, and utter a resigned sounding, “…Shit,” before she called out, “ _Rodolphus!_ ”

What the hell was she bringing him back for?

It took a few moments, but Rodolphus did return. “Didn’t you _just_ fucking—?”

“I changed my mind,” Bellatrix interrupted, before taking a long inhale of breath. She seemed wary of whatever she was about to request of him. “I need you to owl Lucius, because I bet you any amount of money that he doesn’t know she’s here right now. Tell him I’m bringing Narcissa to the hospital, and that I’ll pay for everyone’s goddamn silence _and_ the visit if he’s gonna bitch about the bill, but she can’t be—”

“No!”

Narcissa sat up so fast she got lightheaded, and she had to press her forefinger and thumb to her temple as she closed her eyes momentarily in order to get past it. She hadn’t meant to give away that she had been listening, but the word ‘hospital’ was not something she ever wanted to hear again. She was _better;_ this wasn’t her goddamn anorexia, this was… it was…

“…Cissy,” Bellatrix breathed, and there was so much emotion in just those two syllables that it made Narcissa feel as though she was breaking in half. But she couldn’t do this right now; she couldn’t deal with how being around Bellatrix after so long made her feel, because they were going to lock her up again, they were going to—!

“I’m not going to the hospital; I won’t! Not again, _not—_ ”

“Narcissa, shhh, come on, just… just calm down,” Bellatrix tried, but she couldn’t even get more than a few steps towards her before Narcissa practically curled up into a ball and backed up as far as she could on the couch, warding her away with her hands.

“No, don’t you fucking come _near_ me!” she shouted, knowing she wasn’t emotionally ready to deal with Bellatrix being within three feet of her again. Already she was feeling too much, and was entirely overwhelmed by all of this. “You’re not locking me away again! I didn’t come here for—you need to _fix it;_ you need to fucking fix it, Bella! You need to erase it, you need to make it so it never existed for me, you owe me this; you sodding owe me _everything_ after what you did!”

“…I know,” Bellatrix responded softly, apologetically, as she halted her approach towards her. Her lips pursed into a thin line, her brow etching in distress. Narcissa was breathing hard, her eyes wild and frantic, and Bellatrix looked as though just the sight of her cut her. Narcissa could relate. Bellatrix shifted her eyes towards Rodolphus then before requesting quietly, “Do what I asked.”

“No!” Narcissa shouted as Rodolphus left the room. She tried to get up then, but she was still incredibly weak from not only the blood loss, but from how terribly she had been taking care of herself for the past few months. She hit the floor after only one step, and Bellatrix’s eyes went wide as she rushed over to her, trying to help her, trying to _care_ , despite the fact that Narcissa knew she didn’t, because if she had she wouldn’t have… she wouldn’t have…

“Don’t touch me!” she shrieked, but her sister’s hands were already all over her, trying to help her off the floor. Narcissa just beat at her with her fists though, refusing the help, refusing to get up. What was the point anyway? “I won’t go back; _I won’t let you take me back!_ ”

“Cissy! Cissy, _stop!_ ” Bellatrix tried, grasping onto the other woman’s wrists to stop her from hitting her. “You need to! You need to go; do you hear me? You can barely stand, can barely— _Jesus,_ do you even know what you look like right now? When was the last time you _ate?_ ”

“If you want to fix me, _then just make it go away!_ ” Narcissa shouted, her eyes beginning to water as she looked up at her sister, really _seeing_ her for the first time in four months. She was so sodding gorgeous, and Narcissa despised her for that. There she was, falling completely apart, and Bellatrix didn’t even have the decency to have at least one hair out of place. 

“Make _what_ go away?” Bellatrix asked, her eyes searching hers. “Narcissa, I don’t understand what you’re asking me to do. Do you need—?”

“My memories!” Narcissa exclaimed, desperation in her tone as she grasped onto her sister’s robes and practically shook her. “ _Those_ memories; make them disappear, make me forget, because I—I can’t do this anymore, _God_ I can’t fucking do this anymore, Bella, I can’t… I _can’t…_ ” She collapsed into tears then, practically crumpling into her sister’s body as Bellatrix’s held her tightly, one hand protectively cradling the back of her head.

And God, Narcissa hated how much she had missed the warmth of her embrace.

“You know I’d do anything for you, love,” Bellatrix breathed, sounding so terribly broken by what she was witnessing; by what she knew _she_ had caused her. Her fingers tightened in her sister’s hair and a gentle kiss was placed on her forehead, and Narcissa knew her sister’s answer before she even said it, because her tone was nothing but apologetic. “But I will not do anything to cripple you; not purposely, not for anything. And what you’re asking of me… it’s too dangerous.”

“ _Please,_ ” Narcissa sobbed, feeling as though she was entirely out of options at this point; she couldn’t foresee herself getting past this, it was just too hard. All she had ever wanted her entire life was children, was a _family,_ and yet she willingly let the Dark Lord murder her daughter. She wanted to blame Bellatrix, and perhaps the other woman still held some of the blame, but at the end of the day Narcissa knew that it was _she_ who had made that deal, knowing full-well the repercussions of her decision. Blaming Bellatrix had just been… easier. Simpler. 

But the truth of the matter was, the blame lied with herself, and the more Narcissa began to realize that, the more she seemed to shatter.

“I close my eyes at night and I see her,” Narcissa sobbed, finally revealing her secrets to the one person she had tried so desperately to hate. Being in her sister’s arms however had always been the one place she ever felt safe, and so no matter how much she wanted to, Narcissa couldn’t bring herself to hold on to that hatred. Not now at least, not in this moment. It felt too heavy a burden to bear on top of everything else. “I see her face; Aquila, my little eagle... and she… she…”

“—Oh god,” Bellatrix breathed, realizing this was much worse than she thought. “You named her.”

“I’ve known her name ever since I was a little girl,” Narcissa breathed sadly, another tear slipping down her cheeks. “I told you that after I…” Her voice hitched in her throat, and she exhaled another shuddered sob, “after I murdered my _first_ child, and I—”

“Abortion isn’t _murder,_ Cissy. You can’t kill something that was never alive to begin with,” Bellatrix tried, but Narcissa wasn’t listening. She couldn’t.

“She was supposed to be _untouchable,_ ” Narcissa sobbed, remembering what she had told Bellatrix all those years ago. “Beautiful and strong and able to fly away at a moment’s notice so no one could ever hurt her, and I doomed her. I doomed her before she even had a _chance,_ and now I can’t—I can’t stop _thinking_ about who she could have been if I hadn’t… if we didn’t…”

“Cissy— Narcissa, _stop,_ ” Bellatrix begged, grasping onto her sister’s face to force her to look in her eyes. She looked scared, and Narcissa briefly wondered if the only thing Bellatrix was ever scared of was what Narcissa was capable of doing to herself. Everything else she could meet head on without even blinking an eye, but when it came to Narcissa’s inherent need to self-destruct, Bellatrix couldn’t handle it. “That… _thing_ that you gave birth to, it wasn’t your daughter. It wasn’t even real. It wasn’t a person, it was a _tool._ You didn’t rob it of its life because it never had one to begin with; something that’s born from us, love, it’s not… it’s not meant for this world. It could never be. So for it to have had a chance, for it to have had a _life,_ that child needed to be Lucius’, and it wasn’t.”

Bellatrix’s thumb ran down the length of her cheek then as she begged for Narcissa to understand with, “Your daughter hasn’t been born yet, Narcissa, so please don’t bury her just yet.”

Narcissa understood where Bellatrix was coming from, but it didn’t make it better. Having an abortion was one thing, but murdering something that had already taken its first breath was quite another. Whether their daughter was meant for this world or not, she had still inhabited it for a short while. And both of those things, despite one of them not being as terrible as the other, still killed Narcissa because they meant only one thing.

That she was a _terrible_ mother.

Narcissa hadn’t grown up with a mother who cared, but she had read about them in books and seen them with the other children her age. Being a good mother required sacrifice and devotion of the highest caliber, and because Narcissa had never been allotted that as a girl, growing up she wanted nothing more than to be the kind of mother that any innocent child deserved. And yet, though Druella had been abusive and cruel, a part of Narcissa died inside as she realized that in comparison, that _woman_ had been the better mother out of the two of them.

Because at least she didn’t murder her children.

“Even Mum was a better mother than I am… _was…_ ” Narcissa cried, putting a hand over her eyes as she hung her head in devastation and shame. Being a worse mother than Druella Black was no doubt the worst thing she could ever become, and she couldn’t bear it. She couldn’t bear to know this about herself, because all it did was make her want to spill her own blood all over her sister’s nice ornate rug. Her own mother was the worst thing Narcissa could ever become, and yet she somehow surpassed Druella’s cruelty and selfishness. 

She felt as though she didn’t deserve to live because of that.

“No— _fuck_ no, Narcissa, don’t you ever sodding compare yourself to that abusive cow!” Bellatrix practically shouted, grasping onto her sister’s shoulders and actually _shaking_ her to no doubt try to knock some sense in her. “Mum was a cunt; she was vile and _evil_ and regarded us as nothing more than trophies to marry off to the highest bidder. We were objects to her; not people. We were _nothing_ in her eyes, and the fact that you even give a shit that your child is dead right now makes you infinitely better than she had ever been. Because honestly? The only reason that bitch didn’t kill us was because not having any heirs would have made her useless to father and she would have been out on her arse; it was already bad enough that she couldn’t bear any sons, so she was forced to make do with what she was given. Merely _tolerating_ us didn’t make her any kind of proper mother, Narcissa; so fucking far from it.”

“I don’t care,” Narcissa wheezed, another fat tear rolling down the contour of her cheek. “Whether it’s true or not I can’t bear the thought that it could be, Bella; I can’t bear the reality of who I am, of what I’ve… what I’ve _done._ ” She hiccupped then, a hand going over her mouth for a moment as she sobbed. But then she looked up and her watery eyes caught her sister’s, and all Narcissa could see was the woman who had always been her savior. Bellatrix may be the one to break her, but she had always been the one to put her back together as well; and right now… right now Narcissa needed that.

In the end, her anger would always take a back seat to her desperation.

“Save me,” Narcissa breathed, sounding as helpless as she felt as she begged her sister with her eyes. “I can’t be whole like this, I can’t… I can’t _live_ like this, _please…_ ”

“Ripping away your memories won’t make you whole again, Cissy; it’ll make it fucking worse,” Bellatrix tried to reason, although she sounded as though she hated herself for that, because she knew that if she just did what Narcissa asked of her, then she’d be closer to being granted forgiveness. She’d be closer to having the love of her life back, but she just couldn’t bear the cost of it. 

“You don’t know what you’re asking,” Bellatrix continued, desperate for her to understand the repercussions of her request. “You could forget everything that’s happened since you struck a bargain with the Dark Lord; you could revert back to your fifteen-year-old self, yet be trapped in the body of an adult. And even if by some miracle I _was_ able to perform the spell perfectly to the point of you only forgetting the bits and pieces of your life that revolved around this, you’d still know you were missing chunks of your memory, and you’d demand to know _why._ I know you, Narcissa, and I know you’d never be able to let it lie, and when you ultimately found out the truth of what had happened, you’d be worse off than you are now. I’m sorry, but I… I _can’t._ I won’t.”

Narcissa just stared at her, tears still streaming down her cheeks in jagged lines. A part of her couldn’t believe that Bellatrix wasn’t allotting her this request, as her sister was no doubt desperate to get back in her good graces. And yes, perhaps Bellatrix had a point, and that if she knew her memory had been tampered with she’d probably go looking for answers, but if this wasn’t the solution, then what was? Because Narcissa felt as though she had run out of options, and whenever that happened she only saw one last solution, because she had never known anything other than self-destruction.

And Bellatrix knew it.

“You’re going to the hospital,” Bellatrix told her, voice apologetic yet firm. In the end, she knew exactly what Narcissa would do if left to her own devices right now, and she would _never_ let that come to pass. “If you want to be saved, Cissy, then this is the only way. You’re withering away. You’ll no doubt be force fed through a tube if you’re not compliant with meals, and I’m having you put on suicide watch—”

“No!” Narcissa shouted, because she wasn’t going into the mental ward. She _wasn’t._ She wasn’t crazy! “No, Bella, please—I’m not going to hurt myself, I swear! I’m not—!”

She was trying to push her away, to _get_ away, but Bellatrix grabbed her wrists and Narcissa could barely move. She was too weak. “You’re already hurting yourself, Narcissa!” Bellatrix shouted, and the blonde sobbed because she knew she was right. Maybe she was just as mental as her sister; maybe she did deserve to be locked up. “Look at yourself! I don’t want to bring you to that fucking place any more than you want to go, but I can’t babysit you like I used to. I can’t keep you here and feed you and make sure you don’t sodding hang yourself off the goddamn balcony because there is a war going on, and honestly I just don’t have _time._ ”

Narcissa stared at Bellatrix, hardly able to believe what she was hearing. Logical or not – because of course Bellatrix didn’t have the time to watch her every second of every day anymore – that _hurt;_ much more than Narcissa wanted it to. Bellatrix’s words felt like they cut her, like she was _abandoning_ her, and suddenly Narcissa’s life felt so very empty.

“And believe me, I hate myself for that,” Bellatrix breathed, needing her to know that this wasn’t her first choice. “I’ve wanted nothing more than to see you again, to just _talk_ you again for months now, and now that you’re here the last thing I want to sodding do is send you away again, but I can’t be everything you need right now, love. I just can’t. And I know you’re going to hate me for this, because I hated _you_ when you sent me to that place, but I don’t trust Lucius with you; you’re too fucking fragile for him to know how to deal with, and if I don’t lock you away, then I’m afraid something will happen and I’ll never see you again. I won’t have that happen, Cissy; I just fucking won’t.”

Narcissa started shaking her head, her lips pursed into a thin line as she tried desperately not to cry anymore, as she needed Bellatrix to think that she was alright. It was futile though as liquid welled up in her eyes anyway, finally spilling over as Bellatrix apologized with one last, “I’m sorry,” before getting up and practically hoisting her sister up over her shoulder.

“No, _put me down!_ ” Narcissa screeched, trying to beat Bellatrix with her fists. But it barely phased the brunette that was holding her and Narcissa couldn’t bear the thought of being locked up again, so she did the first thing that came to her mind to get Bellatrix to let go of her.

She bit her.

Narcissa’s teeth sunk so deep into Bellatrix’s neck that the older woman screeched at the unexpected pain, her grip slackening as she dropped the blonde into a heap on the floor. “Bloody hell, Narcissa!” Bellatrix screamed, grasping onto her neck. When she drew back her hand to look at it, it was covered in blood. 

Narcissa tried to run, but in the end she was too weak, and her legs could barely hold her. She only made it a couple steps before she tripped, crashing into one of the end tables next to the couch. The vase that was previously perched on it came tumbling down, smashing on the ground next to her. Narcissa didn’t think, she just reacted; she tried to grab for her wand in her robes, yet all her fingers grasped was fabric. Realizing that her wand must have fallen out during Bellatrix’s manhandling of her, the blonde grabbed a jagged piece of ceramic from the broken vase instead and held it out threateningly towards her approaching sister.

“No, I won’t let you lock me up! I’m not crazy, I’m _not!_ ” she shouted, her hand holding the piece of ceramic beginning to tremble as it cut open her palm and dripped blood down her arm. She knew she must look crazed despite her insistence that she wasn’t, but she was just desperate not to go back to that place. She was better, she _was!_ She didn’t need it!

“What the fuck is going on in here?!” Rodolphus shouted as he finally reentered the room. Everyone ignored him though.

“No one’s fucking calling you crazy, Cissy, calm the fuck down!” Bellatrix shouted, her hands patting herself down as she no doubt tried to find her own wand. “Shit,” she swore when she realized she had left it in her coat. Still, unlike Narcissa, she didn’t need a wand to preform magic, and unfortunately the blonde had already given her the tools to call upon it inside of her.

“No,” Narcissa begged, realizing what her sister was doing when the other woman grasped her bloody neck again, her eyes closing momentarily as she mumbled something beneath her breath. “Bella, _please!_ ”

But Bellatrix ignored her. Her lids snapped open then, her eyes completely black as she stared at Narcissa and breathed a word in a language she did not know. It felt like something was crushing the bones in her wrist and Narcissa screamed, letting go of the jagged piece of ceramic. Narcissa sobbed, grasping onto her wrist as she held it close to her chest. Although the pain of it made it feel broken, it was obvious the bones were still intact, and Narcissa despised her sister for finding a way to best her without causing lasting damage, as it was harder to rip her to shreds over what she had done.

“Get the floo powder,” Bellatrix demanded of her husband once her eyes returned to normal. She stormed over to Narcissa then, clearly set on picking her right back up. “If we apparate with her like this, she’s probably gonna fucking splinch herself again.”

“Bloody mental, the lot of you Black women,” Rodolphus muttered beneath his breath, looking at Narcissa with distaste as she began screaming obscenities at her sister as she lifted her into her arms again. 

“And my coat!” Bellatrix shouted as an afterthought as she struggled to hold on to her sister’s form, realizing she couldn’t leave without her wand. Rodolphus muttered something again that Narcissa couldn’t understand, but did as he was told regardless. 

“I told Lucius to meet us at the hospital; he should be there already,” Rodolphus informed his wife after he had gathered everything they needed. He held Bellatrix’s jacket in his arms as his own was already around his shoulders, and when he took one look at the screaming, flailing form of his sister-in-law, his nose upturned. “You’re going to need me to do this, aren’t you?”

“Well as you can see, I seem to have my fucking hands full right now, Rodolphus; so it might be bloody nice, _yeah,_ ” Bellatrix snapped back like he was an idiot for even questioning it as she struggled not to drop her sister, who was now hurling profanities at them as she was desperate to escape. Bellatrix brought them into the fireplace though and after Rodolphus grabbed some floo powder he grasped onto his wife’s arm, held out his other, and said ‘St. Mungo’s Emergency Ward’ very clearly before releasing the powder from his hand.

The three of them we suddenly engulfed in flames, and Narcissa screamed in rage.

They landed in the St. Mungo’s fireplace in a heap of soot and limbs, and Narcissa was still screaming, fighting, trying to get away. “Get her fucking restrained!” Bellatrix shouted at one of the Healers, who looked very taken aback by what had landed in their waiting room. People were staring at them as Bellatrix tried to keep Narcissa still long enough for the orderlies to get to them, while Rodolphus was attempting to get as far away from the two of them as possible as he practically pushed both of them off of him.

“This is your idea of _discreet?_ ” Lucius practically hissed at Rodolphus once he had stood, grasping onto the older man’s arm like a vice. Narcissa would have probably wondered how long he had been waiting for them; that was, if she wasn’t so busy trying to get the fuck away from everyone who was trying to hold her down.

“Blame your wife for that; she’s the one acting like a mad cow,” Rodolphus spat, wrenching his arm away from his brother-in-law. “Apparently being stark crazy runs in the family; not that I’m surprised.”

Narcissa choked on the liquid one of the Healers tried to make her take – a Calming Draught no doubt – and she spit out the remnants of it onto the floor. She felt like she was being attacked and yet the two people who should be the ones saving her from this horror were just standing there watching. She was panicking so much the world around her was beginning to blur, and Narcissa could barely even register where she was, let alone what was happening. All she knew was that there were two people holding her down and now another was screaming about getting a syringe and she was scared, and hurting, and so very, very lost.

“What the fuck did you _do?_ ” Lucius hissed at Bellatrix, practically manhandling her once she had let the Healers take over, and left her sister’s side. “Why was she at your house; how did she even _get_ there?! She couldn’t even leave her bed when I left her!”

“What did _I_ do?” Bellatrix furiously whispered back, not wanting anyone else in the waiting room to overhear her. “What the fuck did _you_ do? She showed up on my doorstep half dead and fucking splinched herself getting there because she was so weak! If you couldn’t handle her, Lucius, you should have brought her here a long time ago!”

“I didn’t because I wanted to avoid _this,_ ” Lucius seethed, referring to the spectacle they were making.

“Fuck them. I’ll keep them all silent one way or another, but Cissy needs to fucking be here,” Bellatrix growled, beyond furious with him for letting it get this bad. “You are absolute _shit_ at taking care of her; I don’t know why I ever trusted you to!”

“No, _no!_ I’m not crazy, stop it!” Narcissa screamed as a syringe was sunk into her arm. Almost immediately all of the fight left her, and she collapsed into one of the orderly’s arms. It was then that Lucius and Bellatrix stopped arguing, and paid attention to the Healer that was calling to them, no doubt for an explanation of what had just been dumped into their laps. 

“Get her into one of the secured wards,” the Healer instructed the orderlies as she began walking Lucius and Bellatrix to a more private area. “I want her restrained and monitored until we know what we’re dealing with.”

“Rodolphus!” Bellatrix shouted to her husband, getting his attention before they left. He looked up at her and she told him meaningfully. “I need names.” Her eyes glanced around the room at all the people who bore witness to this, and Rodolphus nodded his understanding. One way or another, Bellatrix was going to make sure what happened here never leaves that room. 

Narcissa had been put into a wheelchair and was being brought into the secured ward right behind her husband and sister, but she was so out of it now that all she could do was just slump her head against her shoulder and stare lifelessly ahead of her. She wanted to cry, but she couldn’t even find the strength within her to do _that._ She wondered how she was even still breathing; she didn’t feel very alive anymore.

“This way,” the Healer instructed the two people in front of Narcissa, but Bellatrix shook her head. She apparently didn’t want to go off somewhere and do paperwork; not until she knew her sister was safe.

“No, we stay with her,” she told the Healer, her tone not leaving any room for argument. “We need to know exactly what you’re doing with her, because we’re prepared to donate a very large sum of money to this facility and all of your families if my sister’s treatment is done _right._ We will not tolerate mistakes _or_ indiscretion, is that understood?”

The Healer’s brow rose, but then she glanced to Narcissa, and then Lucius before it seemed to click. “Malfoy,” she responded, understanding the significance of their surname. “Yes, I remember your wife’s treatment a few years back when I was assigned to the Rehabilitation Ward. I’m sorry for not recognizing you sooner; of course we will take the utmost care of her. Please follow me.” 

Clearly she had been a beneficiary of their ‘generosity’ once before, and was eager to be so again. In the end, money really did control everything.

If only it could bring happiness though.

Narcissa was brought into a private room on the southernmost side of the ward, and a well-muscled orderly easily lifted her from the wheelchair into the bed in the center of the room. Narcissa felt restraints being tightened around her wrists and ankles and she wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, but all she could do was lay there, her whole body feeling heavier than sludge. She felt the eyes of her husband and her sister on her but she couldn’t look at them; no, she _wouldn’t_ look at them. Instead she just stared at the ceiling, wishing she was anywhere but here.

“Does your wife have any history of mental illness?” the Healer asked Lucius once the orderly had left and they were alone. Lucius swallowed hard and shook his head. The Healer marked something down on her clipboard and then looked back up at her, “Does any of her immediate family members?”

Lucius glanced at Bellatrix hesitantly, who flashed her eyes at him in warning.

“Her… _other_ sister had a condition—” Lucius tried, wanting to give accurate information without throwing Bellatrix under the bus, as he was certain by her look that he wouldn’t enjoy the repercussions that followed.

“Perussi Obscurum Disorder,” Bellatrix interjected, as she doubted Lucius even knew the damn name of it. She hesitated for a moment though, glancing over at Narcissa before retraining her eyes on the Healer. “But she’s cured now.”

The Healer’s brow rose. “There is no cure for Perussi Obscurum Disorder,” she told her. “It’s a manageable condition with certain remedies, but there certainly isn’t a—”

“Look, it doesn’t matter; that’s not what Narcissa has, alright?!” Bellatrix practically snapped, not wanting to get into the specifics of her own illness. The topic of it had always made her uncomfortable, and considering her ‘cure’ was procured due to the sacrifice Narcissa had just made for her, it wasn’t something they needed to be discussing right then. “Her child was strangled by its own umbilical cord in the womb and was born stillborn; Narcissa blames herself, so just make her realize that it’s not her sodding fault so we can all get on with our lives, okay?!”

The Healer immediately looked a little uncomfortable with Bellatrix’s outburst, and Lucius looked at her like she couldn’t believe she blurted all that out so uncaringly. Still, the Healer just nodded and marked another thing on her clipboard as she asked, “Postpartum depression then?” 

“In a woman who has the inherent need to self-destruct every time something terrible happens in her life,” Bellatrix added, her tone still a bit hostile, if not a little bitter. She hated hospitals, and she hated that she had to be here. “I’m going to assume you’re aware of what a shit combination that is. I want her put on suicide watch—”

“My wife isn’t suicidal!” Lucius interrupted strongly. “She’s just having a hard time, she’s not—”

“I just denied her the thing she thought was her last hope, Lucius; if she feels like she has nothing left, you know bloody well what she’ll do!” Bellatrix shouted at him, pointing at Narcissa furiously. “And I will _not_ lose her just because the lot of you are incompetent!” 

“I _tried_ to help her; don’t you dare stand there and think I did nothing, because I would never just ignore her,” Lucius responded furiously. “I even tried to bring Severus to help—”

“Great, because what we needed was more fucking people in this,” Bellatrix snapped back, looking at him like he was foolish for airing their dirty laundry to his friend. Lucius tried to speak again, but Bellatrix just held her hand up to his face, halting his words as she turned away from him and addressed the Healer again, who was looking increasingly uncomfortable being in the middle of this exchange. 

“What did I just tell you?” Bellatrix barked at her, causing the Healer to noticeably start at the tone she was being spoken to in. “Order a suicide watch, now. Give her pills, therapy, whatever the fuck is going to make her better, alright? I want this done quickly and efficiently.” 

“What? No,” Lucius exclaimed, looking at Bellatrix like she was insane if she thought she was going to be the one calling the shots with his _wife’s_ treatment. “She needs a Soul Mender, yes, but my wife isn’t going to be one of those… one of those _sick_ people who have to take medication every day just to function. She’s fine—”

“She is not bloody _fine!_ ” Bellatrix shouted, causing the Healer to take a full step backwards and Lucius to stiffen at her tone. “Do you really think I want this for her? I’ve _been_ on medication, Lucius, and I fucking hated every second of it, but Narcissa’s been depressed for a long time— and not just because of this damn baby situation! She starved herself for most of her sodding life because she was unhappy; this isn’t just situational, this is something deeper than that, and both of us have been blind fucking idiots because we didn’t see it before now. You can’t honestly tell me that you think how she reacts to shit is _healthy,_ can you?”

Lucius’ jaw stiffened and he said nothing for a long moment, which gave Bellatrix the chance to snap at the Healer, “What are you still doing here? I told you what you needed to do, now go!”

The Healer scurried out of there as fast as she could, and Bellatrix turned back to Lucius, who was shaking his head in denial.

“She’s not _you,_ ” he breathed angrily, refusing to believe that something was seriously wrong with his wife. “She’s not _sick._ ”

“We’re all fucking sick,” Bellatrix snapped, furious over the truth in the statement but facing the reality in it nonetheless. “Me, her, that—that sodding mudblood loving _sack;_ we’re all fucked up. I know it, you know it; we’ve just been too far in fucking denial to admit it. I hadn’t wanted—”

But Bellatrix cut herself off momentarily, pinching the bridge of her nose in defeat as she slumped against the wall. “Fuck,” she breathed, her anger fading away to distress. “I hadn’t wanted this for her! Anyone but _her…!_ ” Bellatrix’s voice broke in the end and her fist hit the wall behind her angrily as she realized she was succumbing to her emotions for the first time in front of a witness that wasn’t just Narcissa. Her hands tangled in her hair and her back slid down the wall as she crouched in a ball, her eyes squeezing tightly shut as she no doubt tried to force herself not to cry.

Lucius just stood there, staring at her with an expression Narcissa couldn’t decipher. He was clearly uncomfortable by the display, but it was almost as though for the first time, he realized Bellatrix was actually human. The thought must unsettle him, as it was hard to villainize someone when they’re breaking apart in front of you.

“If you say anything right now, I will cut out your entrails and _strangle_ you with them,” Bellatrix breathed hoarsely, but the threat seemed half-hearted as tears began to leak out of her eyes despite her best efforts, making their torturous decent down her cheekbones.

Lucius, to his credit, stayed completely silent.

The silence stretched on for a long while until Bellatrix finally got herself together enough to stop crying. She opened her eyes and stared straight ahead of her, attempting to regulate her breathing as she coaxed herself to take deep breaths in and out. She sniffed then, wiping the remnants of her sorrow off of her cheeks as she looked at her sister strapped down to the bed. Her brow crinkled in distress and when she spoke, her voice came out as a broken whisper.

“I told her we were all fucked up,” she began softly, the words coming out almost on autopilot, as Narcissa doubted Bellatrix would ever admit to this if she _really_ knew what she was saying. “Once… when we were very young. I told her there was something wrong with all of us because I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted her to drown with me, because I couldn’t bear to die without her by my side.”

Lucius swallowed uncomfortably, shifting his gaze momentarily to his wife on the bed. He still wisely chose to say nothing. 

“She wasn’t starving herself then, but there were…” Bellatrix hesitated momentarily, “ _other_ things that she did, or that she said, that made her seem… wrong. Not like me, but sick in the head all the same. It comforted me, and so I indulged in it. I coaxed her into a life of masochism and self-destruction because I needed someone to destroy themselves with me, and she spiraled. She stopped eating, got too attached to me, and began to hate herself for everything she ever did.”

“But then I got better,” Bellatrix continued, her voice almost lifeless as she stared at the far wall and droned on. “I got better because of _her,_ and I didn’t—I couldn’t fucking watch her do that shit to herself anymore. I felt bloody _guilty_ for it all, and I tried to help her. I tried to fix her, but I fucking couldn’t. And I don’t—” She laughed then, this hollow, helpless laugh as she looked up at the ceiling and shook her head. “I don’t even know why I’m fucking telling you this, because I know you’re just going to use it against me. Maybe I am still mad, I don’t know; maybe there’s this insane part of me that hopes confessing my sins will negate their effects. I just fucking…”

Her voice broke then, and Bellatrix’s expression masked over with anger and self-hatred as she slammed her fist into the floor this time. “ _Fuck,_ it’s just—it’s my fault, it’s all my _fucking_ fault…!” The chair beside her was her next victim then, and when it was thrown violently into the wall, Narcissa actually jumped a little in her bed. Silent tears had begun rolling down her cheeks as she listened to her sister’s confession she thought she would never hear, let alone ever be voiced in front of _Lucius_ of all people, and she wished she had the strength to speak, but she just couldn’t.

Lucius stood very still for a moment as he waited for Bellatrix to calm back down. And when she did, he swallowed, looking incredibly apprehensive about his next words. Still, regardless of what he thought of her, or what he thought of _any_ of this, he reminded Bellatrix softly, “If… if Narcissa really has what you think she has, if she is suffering from depression, then that’s not…” He cleared his throat then, obviously very wary of letting Bellatrix off the hook in _any_ way, yet still finished with, “it’s chemical; it’s… just something in her head. That’s not… it’s not exactly your fault, per say.”

Bellatrix looked over towards him so fast Narcissa was surprised she didn’t get whiplash. Her expression was etched with disbelief, hardly able to believe he didn’t blame her the second she had given him an opening to. Lucius began to look increasingly uncomfortable by this whole ordeal, and shifted the weight between his feet.

“I’m not saying you didn’t exacerbate it,” Lucius quickly added, needing Bellatrix to know that he would always hold her partially to blame, because he didn’t know how to do anything else. “I’m just… saying that you might not have been the one to start it.”

Bellatrix pursed her lips, looking away from him again before she propped her elbows up on her knees and exhaled a long breath she had been holding. She shook her head then, upset crossing over her features again as she looked up towards the ceiling before closing her eyes. “I just want her to be bloody _happy,_ even if the rest of us aren’t. But I keep… I keep fucking it up.” It was said mostly to herself, and yet she received a response all the same. 

“…You and me both.”

For the second time, Bellatrix looked over at the other man, surprised by his words. But something about this moment between them was allotting more honesty than either of them were used to, and perhaps even forging a temporary peace between the two rivaling in-laws. Narcissa wondered for a moment if the drugs they had given her had taken hold of her in such a way that she was hallucinating this, but she knew she would never imagine something like this in even her wildest of dreams.

“I can’t— and I _swear,_ Bellatrix, if you repeat this, I _will_ use what you said and did here today against you,” Lucius warned her before he began what he was going to say. Bellatrix didn’t say anything, but the man seemed to take her silence as a confirmation because he continued, his voice suddenly getting tainted with the same self-loathing the two former Blacks seemed to be drowning in. “But you were right… I _can’t_ handle her when she’s like this. I don’t know how, and I do it all bloody wrong.”

Bellatrix snorted, which sounded suspiciously like an ‘I told you so’, and Lucius pointed at her in warning. “ _Don’t,_ ” he hissed. “Don’t you fucking dare, not after everything you just said. I’m only saying this because I care about Narcissa’s welfare, and I’m assuming you do as well. I doubt you would have ever admitted any of that to me otherwise. I don’t like it, but if we want to get her better then we have to…” But he trailed off then, not wanting to say it out loud, and Bellatrix exhaled a short laugh in response.

“What? _Work together?_ ”

Lucius locked his jaw and glared at her, not appreciating being mocked when he was extending an olive branch. “Just forget it,” he grumbled angrily, but Bellatrix just scoffed in response to that.

“Oh, don’t be such a pansy ass _girl_ ; I wasn’t saying no. I just think it’s…” She laughed a little then, shaking her head in disbelief. “I just think it’s never going to fucking work. You know how I feel about her; you don’t want me near her.”

“No,” Lucius agreed, because that had never been in question. “I don’t.” But he paused then, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he debated something internally. “But I have to learn to trust her, because every time I don’t, I’m… I’m hurting her. I’m making all of this bloody worse, and I’m starting to regard our relationship as bad for her as yours is. All we ever fight about is _you,_ and if that… if it stopped, then perhaps she might feel a little more stable and sane. Perhaps it would help.”

Bellatrix raised her eyebrows at him in disbelief, exhaling another sound that indicated that she couldn’t fathom something like that ever happening. But Lucius wasn’t finished.

“But this has to go both ways,” he told her. “You can’t be badmouthing me either and trying to turn her against me, because—”

“Believe me, I have more important things to do with my day than discuss _you,_ Lucius,” Bellatrix haughtily dismissed, which was countered immediately with a,

“Bullshit.”

Bellatrix shot Lucius a glare, but the man continued, “You’re in love with her and I have her; of course you speak ill of me to her. I’m not stupid, Bellatrix. Besides, you’ve never made it any secret how much you despise me.”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes defiantly, but did not contradict him. Instead she just tangled her fingers in her hair and shook her head, exhaling a long breath. “You’re actually calling a truce?” she asked, obviously still skeptical of how long something like that would hold. “This is bloody ridiculous.”

“Maybe,” Lucius agreed, because it did seem a bit mad. “But we need to do _something._ ”

Bellatrix pursed her lips, silent for a long time as she thought it over. Finally though, she just shook her head, threw up her hands and said, “Sod it,” which was enough of a confirmation for Lucius that she would at least try. In the end, it was all either of them could do anyway.

And maybe it wasn’t true peace between the two of them, but it was a start, and as Narcissa lay there fastened to a bed in the midst of one of her worst nightmares, she suddenly felt a sense of hope that she hadn’t felt in very, very long time.

**TBC…**


	19. XIX. Winter 1978 – Spring 1978

**CHAPTER NINETEEN  
Winter 1978 – Spring 1978**

When Narcissa awoke she was nestled in between two warm bodies.

It certainly wasn’t standard practice of the hospital to let visitors stay this long into the patient’s intake, nor for them to spend at least half of the night there. Bellatrix was frightening when she demanded things however, and she told the Healers that Lucius and herself refused to leave until they knew Narcissa was okay, and according to her they couldn’t judge that until the sedative her sister was given had worn off. And because money could make people do many things that they probably should not, the two of them stayed the night in order to be there when Narcissa was finally lucid.

It really did help that Narcissa’s primary Healer was already seeing galleons every time she looked at them, because even with the offer of monetary contributions, some Healers still prioritized the rules over anything else. Lucius found that out when he tried to extend his visiting hours the last time Narcissa was in the hospital; the most he could get out of it was another hour, when he was pushing for much more than that. 

Or maybe it was just the fact that Bellatrix was terribly frightening when she threatened people that allowed them to be there. Either way, Narcissa wasn’t complaining.

In all honesty though, she couldn’t believe the two of them were still there. In the bed with her, she meant. Narcissa could remember bits and pieces of the exchange between her husband and her sister a few hours ago, as she was still nodding in and out at that point. It was late and Bellatrix was growing tired, and of course because Bellatrix doesn’t ask anyone _anything,_ she did what she was used to and crawled into the bed next to Narcissa’s right side.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Lucius had asked her, looking at her like she had gone mental.

“I’m bloody tired; what’s it look like?”

“You can’t sleep in the _chair?_ “ Lucius had asked, completely exasperated by the woman’s lack of boundaries. “You can’t just crawl into Narcissa’s hospital bed; that’s completely inappropriate!”

“It’d be inappropriate if we were naked, Lucius; last I checked, I still had all my clothes on,” Bellatrix had shot back, rolling her eyes at his concern. Lucius’s expression soured then at the mental image she no doubt gave him, and Bellatrix responded with a scoff as she settled herself comfortably on her side. “Oh, take a fucking pill. It’s a bed and there’s room, and if you really think that Cissy and I haven’t shared a bed before when we grew _up_ together, then you’re more dimwitted than I thought. If you’re so concerned about the chair feeling left out though, then _you_ sleep in it.”

“Not on your life,” Lucius had muttered before stalking over to the bed, intent on crawling in on the other side. Bellatrix’s brow had raised at that.

“And what the hell do you think _you’re_ doing?”

“Sleeping,” was the deadpanned response.

“There’s not enough bloody room for three of us!” Bellatrix had protested, which of course Lucius ignored, because there was no way he was letting his sister-in-law have the bed all to herself with his _wife,_ no matter what their little truce said. But it was obvious Lucius wasn’t going to listen to her, and so Bellatrix exhaled an aggravated breath and muttered, “Whatever. But if you so much as touch me, I’m throwing you off this thing and onto your arse. I’m not going to be groped by the likes of _you_ in my sleep, thank you.”

Lucius’ lip had upturned at that and he responded, “Believe me, the last thing I _ever_ want to do is touch you, Bellatrix.”

And thinking about that whole exchange now, considering their positions, almost made Narcissa giggle out loud. And it was strange, to be strapped down to a bed in a hospital after feeling so helpless and distraught for what seemed like forever, to even have an urge like that. It felt insane. Yet the two of them were on their sides facing Narcissa, both with an arm strung haphazardly around the blonde’s body. Bellatrix was nestled into her breast, with Lucius’ fingers gently up against the side of the brunette’s face as his own was buried in his wife’s neck. Bellatrix’s legs were all tangled up with her two other bedmates’ as well, because she had never really grasped the concept of personal space when she was sleeping, and Narcissa was fairly certain their feet were at least touching one another’s as well. Narcissa wondered how they’d react if they woke up and realized they were in this position, and it was _that_ thought that finally made that small giggle release from her lips.

They’d both probably have a mental breakdown over it.

Narcissa never really thought she’d feel even the smallest sense of happiness again, but this? This was wonderful. She had never really thought much about having the both of them together considering Bellatrix and Lucius _hated_ one another, but suddenly Narcissa was having thoughts that she knew, logically, would never come to fruition, yet she found she wanted all the same. And not even in a sexual way; just having the two of them, just like this, was… comforting. Both of her lovers, on either side of her, protecting her. She couldn’t ask for anything better.

Well, perhaps if she asked for the sex too, but they would probably both throw up at just the mere thought of it. And besides… Lucius couldn’t know her true relationship with her sister, so it was just a pipedream. An intriguing one to be sure, but a dream no less. Unfortunately, something like that would never come to pass.

But that didn’t mean that Narcissa couldn’t wish that one day it would.

Unfortunately, happiness for Narcissa had always been short lived, and today wasn’t any different. The smile slowly faded from her face as the blonde began to fully awaken and the reality outside of her husband and sister started to sink in. Relatively clear-headed now, Narcissa remembered exactly where she was, and what she was doing there; and why, above all else, she had to be brought there in the first place. 

Narcissa closed her eyes though and begged herself to ignore it; to just focus on the feeling of Bellatrix and Lucius, and this unorthodox and unexpected position they all found themselves in. She wanted to enjoy something, for _once_ , even though it was probably asinine to even find enjoyment in the first place when you’re strapped down to a hospital bed like a mental patient.

No, not _like_ a mental patient. She _was_ the mental patient now.

Maybe she had always been.

Narcissa had always known something was wrong with the way she processed emotions and how she dealt with the world around her. However, it made more sense to chalk it up to an abusive childhood and a stressful secret relationship that had the high probability of ruining her entire life should it be exposed, but that wasn’t it. Or, maybe it was. Maybe that was _still_ it, but there was more to it than that. But in the end, Narcissa knew that something in her brain was just… _wrong_.

Just like Bellatrix, yet at the same time so very different from her as well.

For so long, Narcissa thought herself the sane one out of the two of them. And when Bellatrix was deteriorating, it was easy for her to think that. Her problems, in comparison, paled so drastically to what her sister had been going through back then. But things had changed for Bellatrix, and as the older woman got better, Narcissa began to steadily decline. And now, strapped down to a bed in a hospital ward that housed the clinically insane, Narcissa was faced with the brutal reality she had never been able to face: that no matter what she did, she would never be able to live a normal, happy life. She just wasn’t wired that way.

And that _devastated_ her.

Tears started to stream down Narcissa’s cheeks despite her best efforts to keep them from releasing, and a shuddered inhale of breath and a small sob seemed to gently rouse her sister from her slumber. Bellatrix was still half asleep though, and a hushed, “Shhh…” was breathed from her lips as she shifted, eyes still closed, so that she could place a gentle kiss on the blonde’s neck. “It’s okay. Just go back to sleep, love…”

“Bella…” Narcissa sobbed quietly, not wishing to wake Lucius but unable to hold herself together in that moment.

“I’m right here,” Bellatrix breathed, clearly still half out of it and not really realizing where she was or who was with them as she continued to place gentle kisses down the blonde’s neck. “I’m right here, you’re okay…”

But Lucius wasn’t exactly a heavy sleeper, and with Narcissa’s tears and Bellatrix’s movement, it was obvious he was starting to rouse. Therefore, Narcissa’s next word of, “ _Bella,_ “ was more of a warning than a plea this time, because if Lucius saw her kissing her neck…

Narcissa could barely move, but she at least had some slack with her shoulder. She rammed it into her sister as hard as she could, which granted wasn’t much but it was enough to get Bellatrix’s attention at least. She grunted uncomfortably and pulled away at nearly the same time that Lucius opened his eyes, and there was a solid five seconds where the two of them seemed to take in their surroundings, and their position, before all hell broke loose.

Due to the brunette having shifted, Lucius’ arm that had been thrown across his wife’s abdomen was now probably in the worst position it could ever be, because the back of his hand was now touching Bellatrix’s breast. When that seemed to sink in, Bellatrix and Lucius both moved at the same time, although Lucius’ reaction was far too severe for the amount of space on the bed that he actually _had,_ because he jumped so far backwards that he fell straight off of it.

“What part of ‘don’t grope me in my sleep’ did you not fucking understand?!” Bellatrix shrieked as Lucius hit the floor with a bang. Narcissa’s first reaction was to jump up and see if he was alright, but due to her restraints she practically ended up pulling a muscle and cried out before being forced back onto her back. 

“I didn’t do it on bloody _purpose!_ “ Lucius angrily defended as he rubbed his aching back, but Bellatrix wasn’t listening to him anymore. The second Narcissa cried out she lost interest in Lucius’ trespasses and touched her sister’s face as she looked down at her in concern.

“What is it? What happened??”

“I just… tried to move…” Narcissa exhaled, trying to push through the pain that had caused her. Her eyes were tightly shut as she tried to bare the wave that she knew would soon lessen, but Bellatrix must have noticed that her cheeks were tear-stained as suddenly the pads of her sister’s fingers were gently tracing the wetness on her cheeks.

But she didn’t ask what was wrong. She already knew.

“You’re gonna be alright, love,” Bellatrix promised her softly, her thumb gently tracing the corner of the blonde’s mouth. It really was far too intimate a gesture, but Bellatrix clearly didn’t have many fucks to give anymore seeing as they hadn’t been around one another in over four months. And quite frankly, Narcissa was too exhausted and upset to reprimand her for it. It just didn’t seem worth it. “This place is gonna prove to us that they’re not a bunch of incompetent fucks and will fix you up, yeah? You’ll be back to hosting your boring little dinner parties while you pass judgement on others in no time, I swear to it.”

“You’re honestly trying to make her feel better by insulting her abilities as a hostess?” Lucius asked as he hoisted himself off the floor, not understanding Bellatrix’s train of thought in the slightest. Narcissa did though; Bellatrix thought _all_ dinner parties were boring, and she was just trying to bring some normalcy back into the situation by taking the piss out of her. But then Lucius seemed to see the position they two of them were in, and immediately followed up his question with the demand, “And stop _touching_ her like that; she’s not made out of bloody glass!”

Lucius actually had the audacity to _grab Bellatrix’s wrist_ , clearly uncomfortable with the display of affection the other woman was giving his wife, which was immediately wrenched out of his grasp as Bellatrix snapped, “If you ever touch me like that again, I will remove your sodding hand from your body, is that understood?” Lucius’ jaw tensed, and Bellatrix continued, “You need to get the fuck over the fact that I show my sister a level of affection you’re not comfortable with. _Especially_ since you said last night that you would; unless that was all bullshit, in which case you can still fuck right off because I really couldn’t care less what you think of me.”

Lucius looked as though he was going to retort for a moment, but the reminder of the truce they had made last night made him swallow his words for a second. He hesitated, and then awkwardly tried to backtrack with, “I was just… _saying_ that if you keep treating her like she’s fragile, it’s not going to help her get better. You can’t hold her hand through life, Bellatrix.”

Bellatrix scoffed and was no doubt about to call Lucius out on his crappy justification, but she was interrupted by a weak voice that begged, “Stop it… both of you. Stop fighting.”

Both of them immediately ignored one another and turned towards the reason they were there. “We’re not, it’s fine. We’re done,” Bellatrix tried to assure her softly as Lucius took the other side of the bed next to his wife, sitting beside her and lacing their fingers together. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked her, using his other hand to gently brush a stray piece of hair away from the blonde’s face. Bellatrix’s jaw noticeably tensed at the gesture, but thankfully she said nothing. She probably realized it would have been wildly hypocritical if she did.

For a moment, Narcissa didn’t answer him. She didn’t know how. How was she feeling? Weak, frightened, confused, thankful yet at the same time more devastated than she had ever been in her entire life. Everything still hurt, and Narcissa realized now that she was clear-headed that she couldn’t look at Bellatrix without being reminded of the child the other woman had ripped from her arms. Yet even still, all she wanted in that moment was to have everything go back to the way that is was between them, because Narcissa didn’t know how to live her life without her. 

She should hate her, and she didn’t, and therefore she hated herself because of it.

And then there was Lucius; Lucius, who had abandoned her all throughout her pregnancy to fuck other women and do god only knows what else while Narcissa rotted away inside. Lucius, who came back and tried to take care of her after the fact, most likely due to his own guilt, only to fail… But she couldn’t blame him for that of course, she probably couldn’t even blame him for distancing himself from the horrific situation she had gotten them both into, but he had been so angry at her for what she had done and yet he was back by her side in a moment’s notice, and Narcissa couldn’t help but wonder if he still resented her beneath all of this care and concern.

How was she feeling?

“I feel like something’s wrong with me…” Narcissa whispered sadly, because nothing about any of this made sense anymore. She couldn’t make sense of her own feelings, she couldn’t make sense of how to move forward. She didn’t even know if she could. She had made too many mistakes, done too much wrong to ever find forgiveness for herself.

“Nothing’s wrong with you, Cissy. You’re bloody fucking perfect, do you hear me?” Bellatrix told her strongly, taking hold of her other hand and squeezing it tightly. Bellatrix always did have a rather skewed view of her, but that’s just what love did to people. Narcissa knew that more than most, because even with all the awful things that Bellatrix did in her life, she still put her up on a pedestal. She didn’t know how to do anything else. “This shit doesn’t define who you are.”

Narcissa just shook her head and looked away sadly, not wanting to debate this with her. Being a murderer was nothing new to Bellatrix, but it was new to her, and this was not who she wanted to be; anything, honestly, would have been better than being a mother who murders their child, and yet that was who she had become. Narcissa didn’t know how she’d ever be able to forgive herself for that.

Lucius pursed his lips before looking over at Bellatrix and mentioning, “We should get a Healer. Perhaps get her out of these restraints; she seems stable enough now.”

 _Now_ was the operative word of that sentence and both of them knew it, but neither wished Narcissa to be treated like this any longer than she needed to be either, so Bellatrix nodded her head in agreement. However, once she had gotten off the bed to go do so, suddenly both of them noticeably started, Lucius hissing in pain as he let go of Narcissa’s hand, and Bellatrix cursing beneath her breath as she grabbed her left forearm.

And Narcissa didn’t have to ask what happened, because she already knew.

Bellatrix and Lucius stared at one another, hesitating when they normally would rush out of there. “What do we do?” Lucius asked, sounding extremely wary of possibly defying his Lord’s wishes of them being by his side right now. “We can’t both leave her.”

“Shut up, I know. Just… shut up,” Bellatrix responded impatiently, beginning to pace as she pinched her thumb and forefinger over the bridge of her nose. It took a moment for her to think, but finally she said, “I don’t fucking trust these wanks with her treatment unless one of us is here to dictate it, because when they don’t know what to do they just throw you in a padded room and leave you there, and I am _not_ letting that happen with Narcissa.”

Lucius’ brow rose, unaware that they had done that to Bellatrix when she had been locked up in here all those years ago. “You were… unmanageable though,” Lucius tried to reason. “Narcissa’s calmed down.”

“For the moment. She cycles though; this isn’t over.”

“I’m right _here,_ “ Narcissa seethed, hating how they liked to talk like she wasn’t even in the room. And so Bellatrix just turned towards her, looked her dead in the eyes and repeated the exact same sentence, only with a stressed _‘you’_ instead of ‘she’. Like that even made a difference, but then again maybe that was her point.

“Bellatrix,” Lucius warned, wincing a little as the mark no doubt grew blacker, hotter. “We have to go. Maybe we can just—maybe it will be quick…”

“No,” Bellatrix interrupted, shaking her head. “You go, I’ll stay. I can deal with the repercussions of disobeying Him. You cannot, and Narcissa would never forgive me if I let Him break you.”

Lucius looked extremely wary at that solution and Narcissa, noting the actual look of concern he had on his face for _Bellatrix’s_ welfare, knew she had to speak up. As a general rule, Lucius had never allowed himself to care much for what happened to Bellatrix, and so it was very telling how awful the punishment must be if he believed there was actual cause for concern.

“Get out,” she croaked, her voice still a little hoarse. Both of them looked at her in surprise, but Narcissa reiterated. “Get out, now. No one’s doing stupid sacrificial crap just to get on my good side. I can’t take being in anyone’s debt right now; not on top of everything else.”

Bellatrix actually looked mildly offended by that. “Cissy…”

“I haven’t forgiven you,” Narcissa snapped, because she knew the only way her sister would leave was if she believed she wasn’t wanted there. And even though she did want her there, there was still some truth in her statement as she continued, “I may need you, but that doesn’t change where we stand. I don’t know how I feel about you right now, and honestly figuring that out isn’t much of a priority, because if you haven’t noticed, at the moment I’ve got my hands full trying to figure out how to – even for a brief moment – stop feeling like I want to slit my throat open because I murdered my own _child._ So please, do me a favor and just fucking go. Because honestly, if I’m alone with you, I don’t know what I’ll do and I don’t want to...” 

Narcissa trailed off for a moment, her expression softening with distress. “I really don’t want to regret anything,” she finished softly, every word ringing true. “I have enough regrets right now.”

Bellatrix, who had looked as though Narcissa slapped her with her words at the beginning of her tirade, now held an expression of a little more understanding at her sister’s last words. And so instead of arguing for once she pursed her lips and nodded, giving Lucius one last glance before she disapparated in a cloud of black smoke.

Doing exactly as she asked. Finally. _Thankfully._

Lucius leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “We’ll be back soon,” he promised, knowing exactly what Narcissa had done and why. He too, of course, could recognize some of the truth in Narcissa’s statement, but he also was more than aware that no matter what Bellatrix had done, that Narcissa really did need her right now. She would have never gone to her in the first place if she didn’t.

And the fact of that matter was, Narcissa also would never have been _here_ if she didn’t either. And as much as she hated it, the blonde now realized that she should have been put here a long time ago. So did Lucius, which was probably why he held at least a tiny sliver of respect for Bellatrix and allowed her to be with Narcissa during all of this; in the end, he was thankful that Bellatrix had put her foot down and did what he could not.

It may have just saved his wife’s life.

[x]

It took four days until Narcissa was finally off of suicide watch, which she was thankful for because an orderly had been stationed in her room whenever she was alone, and she despised the lack of privacy. Still, the watch held merit as after she was left by Bellatrix and Lucius that day she began thinking of everything that had landed her in this position and the reality of it left her in shambles. She was sedated again before she could cause any serious injury to herself, and she was forced to have her first meeting with a Soul Mender strapped to a bed again. It was utterly humiliating.

Narcissa hated herself though, and while she understood the reason why she was placed in here, she didn’t see how it could actually help. In the end, she couldn’t be honest with the Soul Mender, and having him try to reason with her that a stillborn child wasn’t her fault was completely pointless, as she knew that, and that _wasn’t_ the issue.

Still, the therapy did cause more insight into Narcissa’s underlying condition, and after a week they had a diagnosis for her.

“After careful evaluation, Mr. Malfoy, it seems as though your wife is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.”

Bellatrix, of course, turned her lip up at that. She was leaning up against the far wall, while Narcissa and Lucius sat in the two chairs opposite the Healer in her office, hands clasped tightly together. “Isn’t that some kind of Muggle nonsense? We’re not paying you to paint her out as some bloody _commoner._ Is that really the best you can do?”

The Healer looked perturbed by that, but stayed patient as she answered. “It’s a _human_ disorder, Mrs. Lestrange, and not specifically reserved for certain races. There is, of course, the possibility for a misdiagnoses; so many mental illnesses overlap with one another, and we have had a very short time to evaluate her. However, we plan to continue to treat Narcissa and tweak her medication and therapy as needed—”

“I’m sorry, but can I ask _how_ you came to that diagnoses?” Lucius interrupted, apparently still a little skeptical himself. He probably didn’t just know much about the disorder though, while Bellatrix was still scoffing with denial. No doubt she thought her ‘clinical depression’ diagnoses was correct though, and was just perturbed that she was wrong.

Which, by the way, was a completely _human_ disorder too – clinical depression, that was – and yet Bellatrix didn’t have any problem believing _that_. In the end, she probably just hated that she was mistaken; she never did like being told things like that. She was a bit like a child in that way.

“Just leave it, Lucius,” Narcissa pleaded softly, not wanting her issues to be listed out point by point; that in no way sounded enjoyable.

“No, it’s alright; you’re perfectly within your rights to question our diagnosis,” the Healer responded, ruining Narcissa’s day a little more as she took out her notes. “Let’s see…” she began, scanning the contents. “She expressed an intense fear of abandonment and rejection, a fear that exacerbated self-destructive behaviors such as her Anorexia Nervosa in order to gain sympathy and care from those she wished not to lose.”

Both Bellatrix and Lucius turned to look at her sharply, and Narcissa felt her cheeks heat up as she sunk a little lower in her seat. That, of course, was not the entire reason that she stopped eating, but when asked by the Soul Mender how she felt about the attention she received when she participated in those kinds of self-destructive behaviors, she was honest and said it made her feel safe because she knew that if people thought she was a danger to herself, then she would never be left alone. She was regretting that now though; the honesty. This was very unpleasant to hear out loud. 

“She said that she had a history of unstable and intense relationships with others; and from speaking with her it seemed as though one moment she could idealize someone, and in the next believe that they don’t care about her or are being deliberately cruel,” the Healer continued, causing Bellatrix to pinch the bridge of her nose because she knew that part all too well. “Those kinds of mood swings are very common in BPD, whether they were provoked by real or imagined scenarios. Paranoia is also very common with this diagnosis, especially when it has to do with how others see the patient—”

“That’s enough, thank you,” Narcissa interrupted, feeling wholly humiliated by this ordeal. “I don’t think you’ll find any argument from them about my diagnosis anymore, so can we please continue? I’m tired and would like to go back to bed.”

While she was holding herself together pretty well at the moment, Narcissa knew it wouldn’t last, and didn’t want to be in front of Lucius or Bellatrix when she broke again. She needed some space to figure out how to deal with herself _without_ them, because if she kept relying on them to make her better, then she was always going to be using them as a crutch. Or so said her Soul Mender anyway, when she told her that she couldn’t do this without them.

Apparently, her severe dependency on the both of them was part of the problem.

“You’ve been sleeping quite a lot lately,” the Healer noted, her tone holding a hint of disapproval. Narcissa fidgeted, knowing exactly what she was going to say about that before it was even out of her mouth. “While it’s not uncommon for patients who are feeling depressed to attempt to sleep through their problems, I’d have to advise—”

“Unless you plan to forcefully keep me awake, which would be grossly inappropriate, not to mention abusive, I suggest you leave me to deal with my problems how I’d like at the moment,” Narcissa clipped back, attempting to gain some sense of _control_ back over her life, if only in the condescending manner in which she spoke to others. It made her feel better, regardless. “It’s been a week; surely you can’t honestly expect me to be in a place where I’m ready to face my issues head on when you have yet to even medicate me properly.”

The Healer pursed her lips, but did not argue with her. “Although I do wish you wouldn’t ignore my advice, that does bring me to our next subject: medication. Unfortunately, while we are more advanced than Muggles in the regard that we’re able to put everything you would need into one medication as opposed to several, I do have to tell you that there is no known cure at the moment, and the most we can hope for right now is to keep it manageable through a steady routine of medication and therapy.”

“She’ll… be on this for the rest of her life?” Lucius hesitantly asked, not liking the sound of that. It made his wife sound chronically ill. Which, on some level, she kind of was; he just didn’t want to look at it that way. “That’s ridiculous; surely there’s something you can do.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Malfoy, but until we have better magical advancements, medication is the only option we have,” the Healer responded sympathetically. “Perhaps one day that will change, but as of now this is where we are.”

Narcissa hated the thought of having to take medication everyday just to function normally just as much as her husband did, but at the same time she knew this was the end of the road. If she didn’t do something _now_ it would be a miracle if she survived the rest of the year. Even now, even with the desire to get better, she was still unsure if it would ever come to pass. She still cried herself to sleep every night, she still had the desire to slit her own wrists every time she thought of the fate she subjected her daughter to; she didn’t want to be this way anymore, but at the same time she didn’t think someone like her deserved to live either. 

“Are we expected to babysit her so she actually takes it?” Bellatrix asked, apparently content on humiliating Narcissa even further. 

“I’m not a _child_ , Bella,” Narcissa muttered, hating that she was being treated as such. What she really wanted to say though was that she wasn’t _her_ , as Bellatrix had to be watched constantly so she wouldn’t abuse her medication when she was younger (and even then it didn’t help), but that would have only started an argument. Narcissa didn’t have the energy for something like that right now. “And besides, it’s not as though you live with me, so even if I did need supervision, the responsibly wouldn’t rest on your shoulders; I don’t know why you’re even concerned.”

Bellatrix looked a little offended by that, even though Narcissa was only stating the truth. They _didn’t_ live together, and therefore should she ever need a caretaker, it would not be her. In the end though, regardless of how Bellatrix had worded it, it was obvious a part of her was desperate to be the one to save her; to help her, to _fix_ her, because maybe then Narcissa would forgive her. Bellatrix looked at her and Narcissa _ached_ because she knew how much her sister loved her; how much she missed her, and how much she felt like only half a person without her. 

“The hope,” the Healer began patiently in response to Bellatrix’s inquiry, “is that by the time Narcissa leaves here she will be more than capable of facilitating her own treatment and recovery. To that effect however, I do have some concerns.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, knowing where this was going and knowing damn well that neither Bellatrix nor Lucius wouldn’t like it.

“Narcissa seems to think herself incapable of recovering without the aid of the two of you, and that kind of dependency is unhealthy; especially for someone with BPD,” the Healer explained, careful to keep her tone even so it didn’t seem as though she were accusing them of being bad for Narcissa. “It is imperative that she be in control of her own recovery because if she is not and situations change, it could very well cause a psychotic break.”

“What the hell do you mean, ‘if situations change’?” Bellatrix demanded, of course taking offense. “You’re speaking to her sister and her husband; neither of us will never not be in her life, so if she wishes for us to be involved in her recovery then we damn well will.”

“Be that as it may,” the Healer began, obviously a little wary towards Bellatrix’s hostile attitude towards her suggestion. Still, she straightened her spine and folded her fingers together on the desk, keeping eye contact with Bellatrix as she spoke assuredly, “If Narcissa is to learn to be responsible for her own treatment, I feel it is wise to remove hindrances, if only for the time that she’s here. In the end, I believe the separation would be greatly beneficial for her.”

“What are you saying?” Lucius asked, his tone bordering a little on hostile as well. “That we can’t visit her so long that she’s in here? That’s outrageous; she is my _wife._ ”

“I’m not suggesting that you not see her at all during the time that she is here, just not every day and never for longer than a half hour—”

“No,” Bellatrix interjected fiercely, pointing at the Healer in warning. “Absolutely not. I still have yet to speak to my sister alone, and considering the circumstances under which she came here, I need to—!”

“This isn’t about you, Bella,” Narcissa interrupted. Her voice was soft, yet her tone was firm because she wanted Bellatrix to know that she was being absolutely serious. Still, Narcissa found she couldn’t face her when she spoke, as she didn’t want to see the look on her sister’s face when she finished the rest of her statement. “I’ll speak to you when _I’m_ ready, not before. I can’t deal with having that kind of conversation with you yet; it’s just too soon.”

Bellatrix was silent for a moment, but her soft plea did eventually come. “Cissy...”

“This isn’t up for debate,” Narcissa responded, and this time her tone was much sharper and she forced herself to turn her head to at least acknowledge her sister’s presence in the room. Bellatrix looked upset, but her jaw was clenched shut. “Regardless, this is certainly not the place to discuss our issues and you know it. We may have established a tentative peace at the moment so I don’t completely unravel, but we are not where we once were, Bella, we’re just…” Her voice trailed off for a moment then, this overwhelming sadness inside of Narcissa threatening to crush her whole as she breathed, “We’re just not.”

Bellatrix swallowed hard at that, but said nothing in response. She just kept eye contact for a long moment before she nodded, ever so slightly, understanding what Narcissa was saying. It upset her, clearly, but she knew she couldn’t force the issue either. It had only been recently that Narcissa began owning some of the blame for what had happened; it was going to take some time until she could look at the entire situation in a logical manner, rather than an emotional one. And even then, Narcissa was unsure if she could find it in herself to live with what they had done, let alone forgive herself or her sister for it.

Regardless of what she had said however, nearly three weeks later she was sitting in the visitor’s lounge with her sister, seeing her for the first time one-on-one since she had gotten there. Lucius had been called away unexpectedly by the Dark Lord for something to do with the Ministry and because it had been days since she had seen either one of them, Narcissa wasn’t so quick to dismiss Bellatrix’s desire to visit by herself despite knowing she wasn’t ready to have the conversation her sister wanted to have. That was why Narcissa chose to have this half-hour visit out in the visitor’s lounge with other people around instead of in private as it limited what they could speak about. It seemed safer that way.

“How are you feeling?” Bellatrix asked once they had sat next to one another on one of the large couches in the corner, away from the other patients and their visitors. The way Bellatrix was looking at her made Narcissa’s chest ache, and she longed to kiss her despite everything that had happened between them. Perhaps that urge would never dissipate though, or it was just another screwed up way that she coped with her never-ending issues.

“I haven’t been actively planning my suicide recently, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Bellatrix didn’t look amused by her flippant answer, but let it slide. “I meant is the medication helping, although perhaps that was enough of an answer.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, looking down at the floor before shrugging a little. She felt a little guilty for brushing Bellatrix off in that manner, when all her sister was doing was caring about her welfare. “They said it takes time to build up in my system, but… for the most part, I think it’s doing its job,” she answered honestly. “I feel less… overwhelmed; by my emotions, I mean. I feel so detached from the world here though, so I don’t know if it’s this place or the medication that’s making me feel more stable. I worry things will change when I leave.”

“They won’t,” Bellatrix assured her, one hand resting atop her sister’s before clasping onto it gently. “You’re much stronger than you realize, Cissy. I promise you that.”

Narcissa side-eyed her, skeptical of her words. “You call me fragile all the time.”

“I do that so I can take the credit when you’re better, even if it’s not entirely of my doing,” Bellatrix responded, causing Narcissa’s brow to rise halfway up her forehead at the blunt honesty in that statement. “I’m an arsehole; don’t ever listen to me.”

“What?” Narcissa asked, completely taken aback by what Bellatrix had said. She would have never expected a confession like that in a million years.

Bellatrix pursed her lips for a moment, hesitating before she said her next words. “You know that thing you do? Constantly break, so that someone will always feel obligated to be there to pick up the pieces of you? I bloody reveled in that, Cissy. If I was always the one to save you, then when I fucked up again – and I always did – you’d feel obligated to stay with me because you’d be too afraid to leave; you’d be too afraid that if you broke again and I wasn’t there, that you’d stay broken. And it worked, you know? It might have taken awhile this time, but you still came running back to me.”

Narcissa was silent, absolutely stunned by what Bellatrix was revealing to her. It was… shit, it was almost as manipulative as all the things that _she_ had done to keep her husband and sister around. And on some really fucked up level, Narcissa was almost impressed with her. It was madness for _that_ to be her first thought when something like this was being revealed to her, but there it was.

She _was_ mad, after all. They both were.

“Why are you telling me this?” Narcissa asked softly, finally. She was curious what had changed.

“Because you’re not the only one with secrets,” Bellatrix responded honestly, catching Narcissa’s gaze. “I know you didn’t want the Healer to tell us what she did, so I wanted you to know that you aren’t the only manipulative cunt in this family. I thought it might comfort you, in some really fucked up way. I don’t know. I just thought I should tell you.”

Narcissa was silent for a moment as her gaze flickered over every line in her sister’s expression. “It did,” she said softly, realizing that Bellatrix was correct in assuming what she had. “It did comfort me, thank you.”

Bellatrix nodded, and then they were silent again.

“My potions taste like shit,” Narcissa blurted out suddenly, uncomfortable with the silence all of a sudden. Bellatrix looked over at her in question and she continued, “My medication potions, I mean. They’re absolutely vile, so I’ve put in a request for pills instead. They’re a little bit more expensive as they aren’t like the Muggle variety and apparently efficiency and convenience comes with a much higher cost, but I don’t think I could deal with drinking those things every day; they honestly taste like hippogriff dung.”

“Just don’t snort them,” Bellatrix deadpanned, even though she was probably completely serious. Narcissa did have a rather addictive personality, after all. They both did.

“Sod off, I’m not—” But Narcissa stopped herself, not wishing to start an argument. In the end though, Bellatrix knew exactly what she was saying.

“What, you’re not _me?_ ” Bellatrix finished for her. Her tone was only mildly hostile though, because she knew what she had done; there was no changing the past. “I’m just saying. Be sodding responsible with your meds; you’ve tried to indirectly kill yourself in enough ways already.”

“…I know.”

Silence fell between the two Black women once more, and Narcissa finally turned her hand around to no longer have Bellatrix’s atop her own, but to weave their fingers together. She didn’t look at her as she did it though, instead choosing to stare at her lap as she tried to find the courage inside of her to voice something that her Soul Mender suggested that she do.

“I want to have a funeral,” Narcissa told her, voice barely above a whisper so as not to be overheard by anyone else in the room. “For our… for _her._ ” Narcissa’s voice hitched in the back of her throat, but she kept her composure as she was in a semi-public place. “Perhaps if I… have some closure, it would be easier to move forward.”

And for once Bellatrix didn’t question her, she merely nodded and told her, “I’ll take care of it.” 

It had taken a long time, but Narcissa had finally begun to realize that Bellatrix didn’t have the emotional capacity to understand how much the loss of their daughter had affected her. Unlike most people, love and emotional attachments weren’t something that were innate in her sister, but rather something that had to be nurtured and developed over time. Therefore, it said a lot that Bellatrix didn’t belittle her request or brush it off as being foolish as she did with so many other things she did not understand. 

“After the ceremony, we can place her headstone in the family cemetery as well, although I think it wise we don’t properly mark it.”

A singular tear fell from Narcissa’s eyes at those words, at that _gesture_ , and she quickly wiped it away before it could be seen by others before she nodded. “Thank you,” she breathed, nodding a little in agreement about the headstone remaining unmarked; in the end, there was too much secrecy regarding both their daughter’s birth and her death. “And you’re right, we shouldn’t. But… thank you, for thinking of it. She needs a place where she can be remembered.”

Bellatrix looked a little uncomfortable by all of this, but nodded in understanding regardless, squeezing her sister’s hand a little. In the end, she knew that Narcissa couldn’t bear to have their daughter’s death just be another meaningless tragedy. If she was remembered, if her memory was _respected,_ then maybe she’d never truly die. And it was that thought that caused something to click inside of Narcissa as she looked over towards her sister, because if she allowed this to destroy her, to destroy _them,_ then maybe all she was doing was—

But Bellatrix couldn’t seem to take it any longer, especially since the subject had already come up, and Narcissa’s train of thought was interrupted. “Cissy, I—”

“Don’t,” Narcissa pleaded, stopping her mid-sentence. “Please, I… just not now. Not here.” 

Bellatrix said nothing, but her gaze bore a hole in Narcissa she didn’t know how to fill and she finally turned to catch her sister’s gaze. Maybe she owed her an answer, even if it was only a partial one. It had been so long, after all, and Narcissa knew that it was killing Bellatrix inside. She had never been a patient person and when emotions were involved, she was even less so. Still, a half-answer was all she could give her anyway, as Narcissa still had yet to properly sort out what it was that she was feeling.

She had been close, but it was like forgetting something that was on the tip of your tongue; you know the answer’s there, but you just can’t reach it. Perhaps Narcissa was just not ready to yet though, and so she let it lie for a moment to favor her own sanity.

“I know what you’re going to say,” Narcissa whispered, very careful to keep her voice down so she wouldn’t be overhead by others. “I know why you did it. I know now you didn’t do it to be malicious, although I also don’t believe that your offer to ‘help’ was entirely unselfish on your part either.” Bellatrix said nothing, and Narcissa prompted, “Right or wrong?”

Bellatrix noticeably shifted a little in her seat, uncomfortable with having to admit that she wasn’t the savior she had always wanted Narcissa to believe she was. “…Right,” she finally admitted, before clearing her throat a little as that word had caught in the back of it. “You’re right. I wanted… well, you know what I wanted. I won’t deny that.”

Yes, Narcissa knew what it was that Bellatrix wanted. She wanted to give a child to the Dark Lord; the one thing she couldn’t do on her own. Narcissa had known that was part of it all along, but it had hurt a lot less when she thought it was just her sister’s ‘clone’ she was giving up, and not her own daughter. 

Not _their_ daughter.

“I also…” Bellatrix began, but then seemed to think twice about being that honest and trailed off. But it didn’t matter, because…

“I already know,” Narcissa told her softly, because she did. Bellatrix didn’t like being inadequate to Lucius in _any_ area, so of course she’d seek to have the one thing she feasibly should not have been able to give Narcissa; a child. 

“You hate me for that, don’t you?” Bellatrix assumed, her voice low; defeated. Narcissa shook her head.

“I hate myself,” she answered honestly, her voice hitching a little in the back of her throat as she whispered her secrets out loud for the first time. “I hate myself for wanting what you gave me so desperately, because it was the most devastating thing to ever happen in my life.”

Another tear slid down her cheek then, remembering all the times she foolishly wished for a future, a marriage, a _child_ with her sister when she was younger. Bellatrix went to wipe it away, only for Narcissa to gently clasp her wrist and bring her hand back down to her side. They were in public; they couldn’t be touching each other this much. “Sorry,” Bellatrix apologized, realizing her mistake. “I just hate it when you cry.”

“Except when you love it.”

Bellatrix’s gaze caught hers, and there was understanding on both of their parts as Bellatrix responded softly, “…Except when I love it.” Because she already admitted there was a part of her that loved when Narcissa broke even though now, in this moment, it wasn’t about that at all. But they both knew that.

“Forgiveness isn’t something that comes easily,” Narcissa told her softly, repeating her Soul Mender’s words from their last session. “Not for myself, nor for others. It’ll take time, but… if you need an answer, Bella, then you already have it.” Narcissa’s eyes searched her sister’s, hoping she understood her meaning. 

And she did.

“…Yeah?” Bellatrix asked, looking both surprised and hopeful. Bellatrix, like herself, had always drowned herself in pessimism, but perhaps that was why they were both so broken. Perhaps it was time to try to move forward, instead of continuing to sink deeper and deeper into the despair of their own making.

“Yeah,” Narcissa softly responded, giving her sister a soft smile and slight squeeze of her hand. It was only a half-answer, yes, but it was the only part of her answer that she was sure of, because she knew she wasn’t ready yet to accept the other part of it; the part of it that justified her reasoning, the part of it that might make her seem like a terrible person for accepting it. It was just too soon.

And that didn’t mean that everything was magically fixed between them; forgiveness would take time, just as Narcissa’s recovery would. But in the end, Narcissa could see that Bellatrix was trying so very hard this time around, extending more honesty than she had _ever_ , and Narcissa knew she had to extend her that same courtesy in kind. 

They were adults now, and needed to start acting as such because if they didn’t, Narcissa knew they would forever be doomed to repeat the mistakes of their past; and considering what they had both been through, that could very well be the most dangerous mistake either of them had ever made.

And Narcissa knew she couldn’t afford that. Not anymore.

**TBC…**


	20. XX. Spring 1978

**CHAPTER TWENTY  
Spring 1978**

The hospital had dissolved into chaos. Code this that and another were being screamed through the halls by howlers as a loud _bang_ echoed through the building, shaking the walls and scaring Narcissa half to death as she clutched onto the threshold of the doorway that led out into the visitor’s area. It sounded as though something downstairs had exploded, and for a brief moment until the shaking subsided, Narcissa feared the building would come down around her.

 _“What the bloody hell is going on??_ ” Narcissa demanded to one of the Healers, but the man just ignored her and rushed by, too distracted by the emergency to care about her innate need to panic when things were beyond her control.

“Hey!” she shouted, grabbing one of the orderlies by the shirt as he tried to rush by. It nearly strangled him, but Narcissa found she cared very little about that as she could hear people screaming and scrambling around. She was starting to feel frightened by all the chaos, and that fear made her angry. “Do you have any idea who I am and the amount of my money I’ve put into this hospital?! I demand to know if my life is in danger!”

“I don’t give a damn who you are right now, the bloody Death Eaters are here!” the orderly shouted, forcefully taking Narcissa’s hands off of him. “This is a level seven emergency, _now get back to your room!”_

Narcissa stared at him as he ran off, completely dumbfounded by the answer she had received. Neither Bellatrix nor Lucius had warned her the Dark Lord was going to attack the hospital, and she couldn’t imagine why he’d want to. What was there to gain by attacking the sick and elderly? It didn’t make sense.

“Cissa??”

Oh _no._

Cassandra was running up to her from the other side of the visitor’s area, looking completely baffled to be seeing her up and functioning, when as far as she knew Narcissa was still terribly ill and bedridden. And God, Narcissa couldn’t deal with this right now; not on top of everything else. She didn’t even know what to say when she was enveloped in a fierce hug that almost choked the breath from her lungs.

Finally though, Narcissa found the words. “What are you… what are you _doing_ here?” Because of all the places to be, why here and why now, and why in the middle of _this?_

“Peter an’ I were visitin’ my mum, cause y’know sometimes her head ain’t on quite right—” No, Narcissa didn’t know that at all; was she supposed to? Did Cassandra tell her this once and she was too wrapped up in herself as usual to even listen? That made her feel like a shit friend, but thankfully Cassandra didn’t seem to notice she had no idea what she was talking about and continued to rattle on. “An’ we were passin’ by one of the other wards on our way up ‘ere, an’ we ‘eard someone yellin’, yeah? All ‘call the Minister, we’ve got someone with one of those tattoos ‘e’s lookin’ for’....”

Narcissa’s stomach dropped to the floor; they knew about the Dark Mark? That in no way boded well. “What?” Narcissa breathed, horrified. “How did they find out?”

“One of ‘em got captured durin’ the last hit on the Ministry, s’what I heard. Some new recruit; think ‘e’s dead now cause of it. Dark Lord’s bloody furious, ‘e is.”

God, for her entire family being in Voldemort’s inner circle, sometimes she realized how detached from this war she really was. Neither Bellatrix nor Lucius talked much about what was going on though, as they knew she didn’t like hearing about it. It was stuff like this though that she needed to know, as it put her family in danger. If the Minister knew about the Dark Mark then they could be identified; they could be thrown into Azkaban, she could be left alone…

“Anyway, Peter went scramblin’ off after ‘e ‘eard that, loyal as ‘e is. Told me to just go up to my mum, cause it’d be safer up ‘ere,” Cassandra explained, even though it was obvious Narcissa was having a hard time processing her words. “Think they’re tryin’ to get whoever it is back; dunno who it is though. Gotta be important for somethin’ like this though.”

“You don’t know why one of them was down there in the first place?” Narcissa asked, trying to figure out who it was. But Cassandra just shook her head, apparently not privy to all the goings on of the Death Eaters either. Still, it was obvious she knew even more than Narcissa did, and the blonde hated that. She hated being _blindsided_ by something like this.

Cassandra grasped Narcissa’s wrists then, startling the blonde out of her thoughts as the other woman’s hands slid down to clasp Narcissa’s. “But what about you, yeah? Thought you were sick an’ cooped up in bed; when’d you get better? Why didn’t you send me an’ owl? Worried half outta my mind, I’ve been!”

Another loud bang came from downstairs and Narcissa noticeably jumped, but it didn’t seem to faze Cassandra in the slightest as her eyes finally landed on the thing around the blonde’s wrist that her palm had slid over when she went to clasp her hands:

Narcissa’s hospital bracelet.

Narcissa’s cheeks flushed a deep red once she realized what Cassandra was looking at, and she untangled their hands to hide them self-consciously behind her back. She hadn’t wanted anyone to know that she’d been admitted here because she knew they would look at her like _that;_ with sympathy, with this false sense of understanding, and Cassandra couldn’t possibly _know._ She couldn’t possibly understand.

“Oh,” Cassandra said, her eyebrows knitting together as she tried to work out the most logical answer. “You been in here the whole time? Cause you were answerin’ my letters an’ you can’t get mail in ‘ere I thought. What mum says anyway.”

“No, I’ve…” Narcissa started, then trailed off. She was so humiliated that someone knew the truth now, and she really didn’t know what to say to have it make sense to Cassandra without admitting that she lost a child, and she didn’t want to do that. Not right now; maybe not ever. She was afraid of the way her friend would look at her if she knew. “It’s a… long story.”

Cassandra though, to her credit, merely shrugged. “Hey, everyone’s a bit mental sometimes, yeah? Plus with your sister bein’ starkin’ ‘an all… that stuff runs in families; least what I ‘eard anyway. Might end up here at some point myself, but then again my mum’s is cause of an accident. Spell backfired an’ now she don’t know ‘er head from ‘er arse most days. Pills help, but then she forgets to take ‘em an’ she’s back in ‘ere. They fix her up good though; never takes ‘em too long. They’ll fix you too.”

She smiled at her then, like this wasn’t as devastatingly serious as it was, and Narcissa wished that made her feel better about it. Regardless, now that someone knew about this, she had other concerns; and all of them were to do with her reputation.

“Cassie,” Narcissa implored desperately, grasping on to her hands and encouraging eye contact. “Swear to me you won’t tell anyone that I’m in here, even your husband. If people knew…” she trailed off though, imagining the horror of it. She didn’t have much to strive towards other than her reputation now, and it was bad enough that her one-year hiatus from the social scene had no doubt destroyed a large part of that.

Narcissa didn’t even want to think about the rumors.

“I’m your best friend, Cissa,” Cassandra reminded her softly, her brow creasing with hurt that she had to remind her of that in the first place. “Course I won’t tell no one. Just wish you ‘ad trusted me enough to tell me you were in here in the first place. Been outta my bloomin’ mind, I have. Thought you were dyin’.”

Narcissa felt terribly guilty by her friend’s words, but didn’t have a chance to apologize. People were still screaming and running about around them, the terrible noises on the floor below theirs continuing, and a Healer finally took notice of them as she ran up to the two women, looking at them both as though they were absolutely _mental_ for just standing about during a time like this.

“What on earth do you think you two are doing?!” she shouted, looking frazzled. “We have an emergency situation; visitations have been suspended! Back to your room; back to your room _now!_ And you,” she continued, now addressing Cassandra. “You are not to leave the premises until it’s safe. Go to the admissions office; they’ll take care of you there!”

Narcissa began getting dragged away by the Healer and she looked back at Cassandra, seeing the upset expression on her face and knowing it had nothing to do with what was going on downstairs. It pained her deeply, and so she sought to repair at least a little bit of the damage her lies had caused their friendship.

“Visit me?” Narcissa called out to her, knowing she owed the girl more of an explanation than she had given her because Cassandra was right; she was her best friend and she should have trusted her. In the end, outside of her family, no one had ever shown her the kind of loyalty that Cassandra had.

And as Narcissa got dragged away she saw her friend smile, and she knew she had made the right decision.

[x]

Narcissa stared at both of her lovers with a stony expression, eliciting guilty looks from the two people she sat across from. “Cissy…” Bellatrix tried, but she was cut off by a wagging finger in her face and a, “Ah, ah, ah… don’t speak.” She was so not in the mood to hear either of them speak right now.

Bellatrix immediately shut her mouth, but Lucius didn’t.

“Narcissa…” he gently warned, hesitantly glancing around the visitor’s lounge. A few people were scattered around the room, talking quietly amongst themselves and not really paying them much mind. Still, Lucius tried to get around the lecture he was about to be given by attempting to convince his wife, “This is not the place to discuss—”

“We’re not _discussing_ anything,” Narcissa snapped back in a hushed tone, effectively cutting off her husband mid-sentence. Bellatrix looked a little amused by how quickly he had been shut down, but Narcissa didn’t understand why; she was in just as much bloody trouble as he was. “ _I_ am going to speak and _you_ , both of you, are going to sit there, shut up, and just listen.”

The amused look disappeared from Bellatrix’s face and she and Lucius glanced at one another warily. However, they wisely choose to stay silent.

“While I understand that both of you choose not to share the details of your lives with me because you’re aware I don’t like hearing about it, when my _family_ is in danger, I bloody well expect to hear about it!” Narcissa began, her voice a heated whisper as her eyes flashed angrily. She couldn’t believe they had kept this from her; did they not understand the repercussions? Did they not understand what could _happen?_ “And _not_ from a third party. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”

“Who the bloody hell—?” Bellatrix began to ask, but Narcissa interrupted her before she could finish.

“Cassie.”

Lucius’ eyes widened. “She knows you’re here? You _spoke_ with her? Narcissa, no one’s supposed to—”

“I didn’t reach out to her, you imbecile,” Narcissa snapped, once again causing Lucius to fall miserably silent. “She bloody saw me here while she was visiting her mum, during all that… _insanity_ the other day, and now I have to deal with her being hurt that I didn’t trust her enough to keep my secrets. I feel like an arsehole, and to be honest I’m not particularly enjoying it.”

Bellatrix, who’s eyes had darkened the second she heard Cassandra’s name, responded with, “...I’ll take care of it.” Because of course her first instinct was to go to violence; she had never really had any problem solving skills outside of that, after all.

That, and she had always been irrationally jealous of Cassandra.

“ _No,_ ” Narcissa told her, jabbing a finger at her sister in warning. “You so much as go near her and you’ll have me to deal with, and believe me… you _don’t_ want that.”

Bellatrix looked disgruntled by the direct order not to do anything, but it was Lucius who spoke. “Darling, I understand your anger, but I promise if we were in any danger we would have—”

Narcissa, who had a copy of the Daily Prophet on the small table next to her, suddenly grabbed it and threw it at him. It practically exploded in his face, papers going everywhere. “Look at this!” she exclaimed in a heated whisper, furious that he was lying to her. 

Some eyes began to turn their way at the display, and Bellatrix slapped her hand on her sister’s thigh in warning, digging her nails in. “Stop throwing a fit like a sodding child; you’re drawing far too much attention to us!” she breathed fiercely, the pain to her thigh making Narcissa wince before she slapped her sister’s hand away from her. 

Lucius however did eventually look at what his wife was referring to, noting the headline on the front page that said ‘DEATH EATERS UNMASKED: HOW TO RECOGNIZE OUR MOST FEARED ENEMIES’ with a drawing of the Dark Mark slapped right there in the center. When Narcissa had seen it, she could barely breathe; she knew it was only a matter of time until both her husband and sister were found. Bellatrix, perhaps, had time, but Lucius worked at the _Ministry;_ if they weren’t preforming employee searches now, they soon would be.

Lucius’ lips pursed into a thin line at the headline, but Bellatrix just rolled her eyes.

“If you honestly believe this hasn’t been rectified yet, you’re a bigger idiot than I thought.”

Narcissa’s eyes snapped towards her sister, her hard expression the only thing keeping her from having an absolute meltdown over this; she had learned long ago that if she was angry, then she had a hard time being truly afraid. “How?” she breathed, trying not to be hopeful should it all come crashing down around her. “It’s a bloody tattoo, it’s not remova—”

“ _Narcissa,_ ” Lucius interrupted, his voice deadly serious. It was now his turn to grasp onto her, his hand around her wrist akin to a vice as he hoped the strength behind it would sufficiently warn her from proceeding with this topic. “This is not the place to have this conversation, do you understand me? If someone overhears us, we’re all dead. So please just take us at our word that we aren’t in any danger, and _shut up._ ”

Narcissa blinked, not having expected Lucius to speak to her in such a way. _Bellatrix,_ yes, but him… he had never once told her to shut up before, and to be quite honest she didn’t much like it, regardless of whether or not he had a point. Which, unfortunately, made itself valid when their very obvious argument had been noticed by one of the presiding Healers.

“Is everything alright here?” she asked, although only to Narcissa; in the end, it was her job to keep her patients safe, and therefore Lucius and Bellatrix’s opinion didn’t much concern her. Her eyes trained on Lucius’ hand around his wife’s wrist, and he immediately withdrew it.

And because lying had become second-nature to Narcissa, she ran with the situation the best way she knew how. “No, everything is _not_ alright!” she exclaimed, causing both her husband and her sister to look at her like she had gone bloody mental. But it had been too obvious that they were arguing about something in the paper and considering the damn Dark Mark was all anyone had been talking about lately, she knew she had to do something. If she didn’t, she was sure someone there would report their suspicious conversation about it.

Damnit, perhaps she really should have waited to have this conversation until they were somewhere more private, but it was too late now. Besides, how was she expected to stay silent about this when she was terrified? It would have driven her more mental than she already was.

“My husband _promised_ me that I’d be safe here, and what happens? The bloody Death Eaters blow up half this sodding hospital!” Narcissa shouted, because hell, if she was going to sell this, then she was going to _sell_ it. “I demand to be released from here immediately; I will not risk my life by—”

“Narcissa,” Lucius pleaded, catching on to what she was doing rather quickly, thank god. “I told you, the Minister promises that all of the Death Eaters will be captured soon; there’s no need for you to discontinue your treatment just because of one little accident.”

“One little accident?” Narcissa repeated disbelievingly, looking at him like he had to be mad for wording it like that. “One little _accident?_ That wasn’t a bloody accident, Lucius; and it certainly wasn’t small!”

“Please, Mrs. Malfoy,” the Healer tried, noticing how upset she was getting and immediately attempting to do some damage control. Nearly everyone in the waiting room was staring at them now. “I understand your concern, but let’s take this somewhere more private; you’re disrupting the other patients who are trying to visit their loved ones.”

Narcissa huffed, straightening her robes as she stood with a little stomp. “Fine, but this is not up for discussion. I expect you to have my discharge papers for me immediately, because I am _not_ staying in a warzone.”

The Healer just kind of looked at Lucius helplessly, not entirely sure how to handle Narcissa when she pulled the self-entitled card, as she _was_ donating a very large amount of money to the hospital. Upsetting her was not something many people in St. Mungo’s wished to do, and so it was no wonder they looked to Lucius to try to control her. Still, now that she was on the tirade, Narcissa realized that she really did want to leave.

She wasn’t magically fixed by any means, but she _was_ much better than she was when she arrived nearly two months ago, and should she continue with her medication and her Soul Mender appointments, then that should be enough. There really wasn’t any reason for her to stay here full time anymore if she was no longer a danger to herself, and honestly she couldn’t bear not being around Lucius or Bellatrix any longer; _especially_ because of what had been going on lately. 

But as the Healer began leading them away and Lucius followed, suddenly Narcissa’s robes were grasped from behind and she was pulled practically up against her sister as Bellatrix hissed in her ear, “What are you _doing?_ ” 

Thankfully she was close enough behind her already that the only thing noticeable about the interaction was that they had briefly paused before following the Healer, but Narcissa didn’t want them looking any more suspicious then they already had.

“I can’t be here anymore; now _let go of me,_ ” Narcissa breathed back, rolling her shoulder a little to encourage Bellatrix to get off of her so they could act a little more normally. Bellatrix made a little disgruntled sound in the back of her throat but did release her, allowing Narcissa to keep walking. “I can’t be trapped in this place while the whole bloody world is falling to pieces around me; if something were to happen, I need to be with you. I need to be with _both_ of you.”

“Cissy, you need to be monitored—” Bellatrix tried, but Narcissa cut off her whisper with another one of her own.

“I’m _fine,_ ” she promised her, watching the Healer and her husband enter the administration office. They weren’t far behind them. “I don’t have to be a patient here to continue my therapy or my medication, so please be on my side during this.”

Bellatrix looked a little hesitant about promising to be in her corner during this debate, but she didn’t have a chance to answer anyway as they both entered the office and were no longer semi-alone. After the Healer closed the door behind them, she turned to address the three family members. “Please know that we of course understand your concern, Mrs. Malfoy, and here at St. Mungo’s we have always prioritized keeping our patients safe above all else—”

“Fat lotta good that did,” Bellatrix muttered, playing her part well. The Healer chose to disregard her comment though and instead continued speaking to Narcissa, obviously knowing that despite their intentions, that they had failed in that regard.

“What happened the other day was deeply unfortunate, and it’s understandable to be frightened by it. We all are,” the Healer told her, watching Narcissa set her jaw and fold her arms in front of her chest. She was not going to be talked out of leaving; she had made up her mind, and that was that. However, she was pleasantly surprised when the Healer continued, “Be that as it may, it does so happen that your Soul Mender has spoken to your presiding Healer, and there has been talk of your release from this ward, provided you agree to see your Soul Mender once a week, and keep your monthly appointment with your Healer in order to provide you with proper med management.”

“Fine,” Narcissa responded shortly, glad that for once this didn’t have to come down to an argument. “Then provide me with my discharge papers and I’ll be on my way.”

The Healer’s lips pursed. “I said that there had been _talk_ of it, not that it had been agreed upon yet. Your presiding Healer would prefer if you stayed another two weeks in order to monitor your reaction to the medication, as your dosage has been tweaked recently and it’s imperative that we—”

“No, not two weeks, _now,_ ” Narcissa interrupted strongly. She knew they had upped her dose not too long ago as they of course told her, but that wasn’t any reason to keep her here; it wasn’t as though she was going to have a reaction so averse to a few measly milligrams more. This was completely unnecessarily.

“Narcissa…” Lucius tried to reason, of course heeding the Healer’s recommendation, but Bellatrix stopped him before he could say anything more.

“Do what she says,” she demanded shortly, causing Lucius to look over at her in surprise. “If my sister doesn’t feel safe anymore, then there is no way in hell that she’s staying here. Your security in this place is embarrassingly lax considering the insanity that you allowed to happen here the other day. Do you people not realize that we’re in the middle of a _war?_ At the very least, you should have some bloody security!”

“Mrs. Lestrange, I assure you, what happened the other day was completely unprecedented, and measures have now been taken so that it doesn’t happen again—”

“Are you deaf, or just incompetent?” Bellatrix snapped, causing the Healer to fall silent. “My sister said she was leaving, so she’s _leaving._ Now go make yourself useful and get the bloody paperwork; I won’t ask you a second time.”

The Healer looked a little perturbed at the way she was being spoken to, but did not argue with Bellatrix. Instead she muttered something about getting the Healer assigned to her case, no doubt to try to convince them one last time that they shouldn’t just walk out of the hospital. Narcissa’s mind was made up though; regardless of whether or not it would be smarter to get monitored for another two weeks, she needed to be around her family right now. With everything going on with the war at the moment, it was imperative.

When the Healer left Lucius turned, addressing Bellatrix. “You think this is wise?”

“Why are you asking her?” Narcissa asked, a little offended she wasn’t even being consulted. “It’s my health, Lucius; therefore it’s my decision.”

“Because, and please don’t take this the wrong way,” Lucius began, which of course told Narcissa she was probably about to be offended. “But you haven’t been making the best decisions in regards to your own health lately. Bellatrix and I have agreed to act as your primary caregivers and therefore anything pertaining to your welfare will be discussed and agreed upon between us first.”

“ _What?_ ” Narcissa asked, looking at her husband in disbelief because was he really saying what she thought he was? That sounded suspiciously like she was being controlled, and she did not like that one bit. “Are you actually sitting there telling me I am no longer allowed to make my own decisions? That’s bloody ridiculous, Lucius; this is _my_ life, and I—”

“A life you wanted to fucking end not too long ago!” Bellatrix harshly reminded her, causing Narcissa to fall silent. For some reason she had actually expected Bellatrix to be on her side; for Lucius to only be assuming that he had Bellatrix’s support in this, because it wasn’t as though they actually agreed upon _anything_ until apparently right this moment. “So Lucius is right; until you demonstrate more stability, the majority of your health care decisions will lie with us. At least take comfort in the fact that your little breakdown provided us with common ground on which to stand, considering I know how much you bloody hate it when we’re at each other’s throats.”

Well that was true, but that certainly didn’t mean—

“Despite what you might believe, you can’t actually have it all, Cissy,” Bellatrix reminded her, interrupting Narcissa’s train of thought. “So as of right now, your independence is what you’re sacrificing for it. And _no,_ this isn’t fucking negotiable. Now hush.”

Narcissa’s mouth dropped open, hardly able to believe Bellatrix just shut her down; on _Lucius’_ behalf, of all things. She watched Lucius shoot her sister a look that clearly said, ‘you know you’re going to pay for that later, right?’ to which Bellatrix merely shrugged, completely unconcerned by Narcissa’s wrath. 

What was bloody _happening_ to the world? Narcissa had heard their semi-truce before, but obviously something else had changed in her absence; what, did they actually sit down like a couple of _adults_ and actually forge some sort of odd peace on her behalf? This was utter madness, and it honestly didn’t even seem real.

“Well?” Lucius asked, still curious to hear Bellatrix’s take on the situation. Narcissa was still so dumbfounded by this entire conversation that she couldn’t even find the words she wanted to say, which allowed Bellatrix time to respond to him.

“She’s scared for us,” Bellatrix answered him, talking as though Narcissa wasn’t even in the room. “We can’t provide her with peace of mind at the moment, and you know how much she bloody unravels if she feels a situation is beyond her control. Considering the circumstances, I think keeping her here will be worse for her.”

And it was that, above anything else, that kept Narcissa silent; despite not enjoying the way she was basically being treated like an infant, Bellatrix was still advocating for her release from this place on her behalf. Narcissa might not like the way she was going about it, but if she was going to get what she wanted, then perhaps it was just better to stay silent.

For now.

Lucius nodded, understanding that Bellatrix had a point. “You’ll make sure she takes her medication or gets to her appointments if I’m working?” he asked, and the brunette actually snorted in response, apparently amused by the question.

“You ask that like you honestly think I have anything better to do with my life than cater to her.”

“You _do,_ ” Lucius responded, reminding her of her other commitments; should she be required to be with the Dark Lord, she couldn’t be there for Narcissa. Bellatrix just waved that off though.

“Then I’ll get Rodolphus to babysit her, or that annoying little pet that Cissy keeps around, considering she now knows Narcissa’s secrets. I won’t leave her to her own devices if we’re both gone, Lucius; I’m not that bloody stupid,” Bellatrix answered, which of course irritated Narcissa because she wasn’t _incompetent._

“Must you speak about me like I’m incapable of taking care of myself?” Narcissa responded irritably. She hated how it was making her feel. “I’m actually trying to get better, and you’re making me feel _worse._ I can’t bloody help that I have something wrong with my brain, you know; and not all of us can get some… some _magic fucking fix_ for it. Not all of us have…!” 

But Narcissa trailed off, suddenly very much reminded by what she sacrificed to get her sister better. It didn’t make her want to slit her wrists like it used to, as her Soul Mender had been helping her learn healthier coping mechanisms, but God, it still _ached._ It still tore a hole inside of her that she didn’t know how to refill. Perhaps she wasn’t meant to though; perhaps after what she had done, she didn’t get to feel whole anymore. 

“Don’t think that either of us wouldn’t sacrifice fucking _everything_ to make you better, Cissy,” Bellatrix responded fiercely, knowing exactly where Narcissa was going with this. “I’d fucking die for you; if it made you better, if it made you _happy_ , then I’d die for you in a second. And the only reason I _don’t_ is because I know you don’t want that. So don’t pretend there isn’t a magic fix for you too, love; because there is. If I asked, I’m sure He’d find a way, but I don’t think you want me to pay that price – whatever it is – because you know it’ll affect you too.”

Narcissa pursed her lips yet said nothing, because she knew Bellatrix was right; if the Dark Lord could fix Bellatrix, then he certainly could fix her too. And while she didn’t think Voldemort would require Bellatrix’s life as a trade, as she obviously held more value to him alive than dead, he would no doubt ask for _something_ in return, and Narcissa knew how steep his prices were. And in the end, she couldn’t bear to lose anything else; it just wasn’t worth it. She could take a few pills, live the rest of her life in therapy… it didn’t matter; not in the grand scheme of things. 

“Must you always be so terribly dramatic?” Lucius asked, looking at Bellatrix like her declaration of self-sacrifice was completely over the top. And perhaps it was, but that was Bellatrix for you, and Narcissa was used to it. She did the same, after all; it was just how they were with one another. “You’re like a bad cliché.”

Bellatrix just flipped him off though, and honestly it was nice to see that despite whatever common ground they may have found, that some things didn’t ever change. “Better than being bad in bed,” she responded with a vicious smirk, which of course made Narcissa’s mouth drop open because at first she thought Bellatrix was implying to Lucius that she fucked her better than he did, but thankfully Lucius just seemed to take it as an insult and not a comparison. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he demanded, before turning to his wife, both paranoid and offended now. He obviously thought Narcissa was speaking badly about his performance in bed behind his back, and the poor man actually looked a little devastated by it. “What the bloody hell is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“ _Nothing,_ God, she’s just being a twat; I haven’t said anything of the sort, I swear,” Narcissa assured him, before turning around so she could be within arm’s reach of her sister, slapping her on the shoulder in retaliation. “ _Stop it._ You’re not funny.”

“He bloody started it!” Bellatrix defended, looking affronted that _she_ was the one being scolded as she rubbed her offended arm. “Calling me a sodding cliché… what a bunch of jealous rubbish.”

Narcissa rolled her eyes. Honestly, sometimes the two of them could be so bloody fucking ridiculous that she didn’t know how either of them even functioned on a daily basis and yet, honestly, it actually comforted her. She needed this normalcy between the two of them; it made her world feel less like it got flipped completely upside down when she was gone. 

Thankfully however, the Healer returned after that little exchange. And while it did take some convincing (not to mention Bellatrix’s subtle threats about going to the Prophet about how incompetent the hospital was when it came to patient care, given the lack of security this place had and the danger it put everyone in), but with both her sister and her husband on her side now, Narcissa was finally permitted the discharge she wanted. 

And it only took about three seconds once they were all safely inside the Malfoy manor for Narcissa to finally grab onto her sister’s robes, pushing up her left sleeve to try to see her Mark. “Jesus, Cissy, you couldn’t wait two bloody seconds—” Bellatrix began, but when Narcissa was confronted by nothing but bare skin, she immediately manhandled her husband to do the same. He nearly fell straight over, having lost his footing by the strength behind her grasp. 

Yet once again, Narcissa was greeted with nothing but a clean slate.

“How…?” she asked, looking up at Lucius, completely dumbfounded. They were _tattoos,_ how did the Dark Lord remove them so cleanly? It didn’t make sense.

“Magic, you twit,” Bellatrix responded exasperatedly, like she should have drawn that conclusion herself. And of course she knew it was _magic,_ but she had never heard of such a spell and besides, they weren’t regular tattoos; they were some kind of link between the Dark Lord and his followers, able to bring them to his side at a moment’s notice. They were more… more _complicated_ than that.

“They’re not gone,” Lucius explained patiently, which was more than Bellatrix was willing to give her. Then again, she had never been the most patient of people. “They’re just… hidden. I can’t give you the specifics because I’m unsure how the Dark Lord even created these Marks, let alone hid them, but when he needs us, or if we need to call him, then they’ll appear again.”

Narcissa pursed her lips into a thin line at that information; while it sounded good on paper, surely the Ministry could figure out a way to make them visible again. There had to be a way; it couldn’t be that simple, it couldn’t be that _foolproof._

“Oh, don’t look like that; we’re _safe,_ ” Bellatrix assured her, seeing the apprehension on her sister’s face. “The Dark Lord realized His error in marking us all in such a blatant way, and has since rectified the problem. Even the greatest wizards make mistakes and believe me, Cissy, the Dark Lord is a _great_ wizard. He holds more knowledge about magic than anyone on this earth and if He assures us that they’re undetectable now, then they are. Doubting Him is foolish, so don’t bother.”

“I don’t… _doubt_ that the Dark Lord believes that,” Narcissa began, carefully choosing her words so that Bellatrix didn’t get offended; she practically worshipped the man, after all. If you could even call him that; a man. He was more monster now. “But Cassie told me the only reason the Ministry knew of the tattoos in the first place was because someone was captured and betrayed you; admitted what they were, how they worked… I don’t know. What if someone gets captured again? If they know they’re being deceived, they’ll surely find a work around.”

Lucius side-glanced Bellatrix, who shared his look in return.

“What?” Narcissa asked, knowing she was missing something.

“They’re… ah, they’re sort of… cursed now,” Lucius responded hesitantly, causing Narcissa’s eyes to nearly bug out of her skull. Cursed? The Dark Lord _cursed_ them; her _family?_ “If they’re shown to someone with the intent of betraying our cause, the person will die on the spot. It acts almost like an Unbreakable Vow now.”

“ _What?_ ” Narcissa asked, completely outraged by this. “He cursed you? _You?_ ” she asked her husband, needing to make sure this really did apply to everyone, or just a select few that the Dark Lord didn’t trust. She turned to Bellatrix then, “Even _you?_ ” Because everyone knew Bellatrix would kill herself before she ever betrayed the Dark Lord, so surely he wouldn’t see the need to—

“It protects all of us, Cissy,” Bellatrix tried to explain, because of course she’d _defend_ Voldemort’s decision. She didn’t know how to do anything else. “In the end, this is a war, and we don’t know who we can trust. _I_ certainly know that I won’t betray him, so I’m not concerned by the curse; it’s those who have second thoughts about their allegiance that should be bothered by this, as they should be. Hopefully they try to open their fat mouths and are killed off; it’s better for all of us that way.”

“So what, if you showed me your mark right now, you’d _die?_ ” Narcissa asked, looking at her sister as though she’d gone insane. Maybe she was only half-listening due to her fear and paranoia about her family’s allegiance being discovered, but she assumed she got the gist of it and so she started lecturing her anyway. “And you think that’s _okay?_ Jesus, Bella, what the bloody hell is wrong with you?!”

“What? No,” Bellatrix responded, now looking at _her_ like she was the one who was an idiot. “Do you not listen to me when I speak? I said if they’re shown _with the intention of betraying our cause._ So if I do this,” and then her sleeve was rolled up again, the Dark Mark as clear as day on her arm once more, “I’m not going to die. _Obviously,_ considering I’m still bloody standing here.”

Narcissa blinked, staring at it. How did she do that? Was it tied into her will or something, or did she use a nonverbal spell? Regardless though, Narcissa was able to breathe a little easier because of it; she didn’t want to accidently see it at some point and have her sister or her husband die due to her merely glancing at the wrong place at the wrong time. Perhaps the Dark Lord really did cover all of his bases this time, but Narcissa still worried anyway; they were in the middle of a war, and it was just part of her nature.

She feared every day that they left her to be at the Dark Lord’s side that they wouldn’t come back, and she hated it. 

“Hey,” Bellatrix said, her voice much more gentle now as she gently cupped her sister’s cheek in her hand to garner her full attention. Narcissa’s eyes fluttered up to meet her gaze, and Bellatrix’s thumb gently stroked her cheek. “We’re safe, yeah? Trust us.”

Narcissa glanced over towards Lucius, who’s lips were pursed at the way Bellatrix was always _touching_ her; it was obvious that while they did come to some sort of truce, he still didn’t have to like the amount of affection that his wife got from her sister. He didn’t say anything though, apparently not finding it worth the argument right then, and Narcissa finally looked back at her sister and nodded her understanding. Even if she didn’t trust the Dark Lord, she would trust them.

“Shit,” Lucius said suddenly, realizing the time as he glanced at the grandfather clock on the foyer which suddenly began chiming loudly, indicating that it was now one in the afternoon. “I have to get back to work; I only took an hour for lunch because I thought we were just visiting you, not having you get discharged.”

“You’re leaving?” Narcissa asked, looking a little put out by that. She wanted to spend time with him now that she was home; she had felt so very lonely whilst in the hospital. But Lucius just walked over to her, giving her a chaste kiss on the lips in apology.

“I’ll be home at five,” he promised softly, and the corners of Narcissa’s lips turned down into a small frown. “Bellatrix is going to bring you to pick up your prescription, right?” He looked at his sister-in-law then, who nodded; she had promised to take care of Narcissa while he was gone, after all. 

Narcissa was still a little upset that he was leaving her, but she understood that he had responsibilities too. “Don’t work overtime today, okay?” she softly requested as she gently grasped onto his hand, not wanting him gone longer than he had to be. She really had wanted to spend the rest of the day with the both of them even though she knew that it would prohibit her from having a proper reunion with either of them. And maybe in that regard this way was better, but she hated that Lucius had to leave so soon.

“I won’t,” Lucius promised her before looking over at Bellatrix and requesting, “Take care of her while I’m gone?” And it was so strange, the level of respect he suddenly had for her in that regard; that they suddenly had for _one another._ Bellatrix and Lucius still irritated one another – that much was blatantly obvious – and neither were comfortable with the other’s relationship to the woman that they loved, but they had come together to make sure Narcissa got better and in a way that was kind of… beautiful.

It was something Narcissa never thought she would see, at the very least.

“I always do.”

Lucius nodded, giving his wife one last kiss on the cheek before he grabbed his briefcase and disapparated with a loud crack. And then the two sisters were left standing there, just staring at one another, because neither of them really knew where their relationship stood after nearly six months of not being together. They knew they still loved one another of course, but things weren’t that simple; there still was the other half of the answer that Narcissa had yet to give her, the half she couldn’t bring herself to accept in the hospital due to not knowing if it made sense or merely made her a terribly selfish human being, and yet the longer she stood there, the more it ate at her soul like a sickness that she couldn’t cure.

Everything between them felt so disconnected and strange now, and Narcissa couldn’t bear that. It made everything that happened feel like it was just another senseless tragedy without meaning, and that wasn’t what she wanted. It wasn’t what their daughter _deserved._

“We’ll… ah,” Bellatrix began a little awkwardly, hesitating for a moment as she tried to work out what to say, what to _do_ , now that they were alone. She grasped the back of her neck and rubbed it as she shrugged, trying to act natural even though she was far from it. Narcissa had never seen her look so utterly uncomfortable before and it was sort of jarring, to be honest. “We’ll grab your prescription after lunch; probably better if you eat first. The food in that fucking hospital is ridiculously subpar, especially considering how much money we give to that bloody place. Honestly, you’d think they could provide a better menu.”

“Bella?” Narcissa asked, barely paying attention to anything her sister was actually saying. She had suddenly become overwhelmed by this feeling inside her that she knew all too well; this fierce _ache_ and longing that she didn’t know how to control, and when Bellatrix finally looked up at her in question, all Narcissa could do was breathe, “…Please shut up.” 

Because it had been too long; she had felt so detached from the other part of her soul for what seemed like forever now, and in that moment the severity of what had happened between them seemed like a distant memory that she couldn’t quite reach, for all Narcissa knew was that she couldn’t bear it any longer. There needed to be a _reason,_ and maybe this was it; even if was terrible, even if it was selfish, there needed to be a reason that it had happened in the first place. It was the only thing that made sense to her.

Two steps were taken and then Narcissa’s arms were wrapped around her sister’s neck, hands tangling in a mess of dark curls as she stood on her toes and kissed her with enough emotion to elicit a desperate groan from the woman in her arms.

And finally, Narcissa felt as though she could breathe again.

Bellatrix didn’t question it; didn’t ask why or if she was certain. In the end, she was probably just so terribly thankful that it was happening right now, as she no doubt feared that things between them had been destroyed beyond repair after what she had done; after what they _both_ had done. And so as lithe fingers fisted in the fabric of her robes, Narcissa felt herself be pulled flush against her sister’s body as Bellatrix’s tongue demanded entrance to her mouth, leaving the blonde rather breathless as she allowed her sister to drink up the remainder of her sanity. 

“I’m sorry,” Bellatrix breathed, knowing that she needed to properly apologize to her; to properly _show_ her how awful she felt for the terrible situation they had found themselves faced with six months ago. The brunette’s teeth gently clamped down on her sister’s bottom lip, and as Narcissa whimpered softly and Bellatrix released it, her lips dusked across porcelain skin and she whispered against her jawline. “I’m so sorry, love, more than you could ever know…”

Narcissa shut her eyes tightly, not wanting to hear this right now, as it reminded her of the answer that she might have accepted, the answer that her sister _deserved,_ but that she couldn’t bear to voice out loud at that moment. “Not now,” she begged softly, feeling her sister’s warm breath dance across her flesh as she nipped and kissed at the skin beneath her ear. Narcissa’s fingers curled into the hair on the base of her sister’s neck, her nails digging in just enough to show Bellatrix she was serious about her request. 

“Please,” she begged softly, just wanting to stay in this moment a little longer, even if it wasn’t real; even if it was just another way of coping. “Please just… _God,_ ” Narcissa groaned as she completely lost her train of thought, Bellatrix having begun to suck hard on her pulse point, making her knees weak and her knickers damp. She took two uneven steps backwards so she could safely fall against the wall, knowing if Bellatrix kept doing that she was going to lose her balance. Her hair was standing on end and she shivered with arousal as Bellatrix didn’t let up, taking full advantage of her weak spot, knowing it would cause Narcissa to completely unravel in her hands.

The clasp on her robes were undone before her nice blouse was forcefully ripped down the center, causing buttons to fly everywhere and scatter across the floor as Narcissa’s breasts were exposed to the cool air of the room. And the blonde had, at one point, briefly considered the fact that perhaps they shouldn’t have sex this soon because things between them still weren’t where they used to be, but Bellatrix hadn’t let up on her incessant _sucking_ , and all Narcissa could do was squirm and groan and squeal quietly at the feeling, her breathing coming out in uneven bursts as she grasped for any part of her sister that she could reach.

“Fuck,” she gasped, feeling Bellatrix’s hands roughly cup her breasts, her thumbs and forefingers pinching the sensitive flesh in a way that drove Narcissa mad as she felt her sister’s teeth gently sink into the base of her neck. “Fuck, Bella, _fuck…_ ” She could already feel herself dripping down her thighs and Narcissa was a little embarrassed by that because she really shouldn’t be this easy but God, she couldn’t think. She couldn’t breathe. All she could feel was _her,_ and she never wanted it to end.

Narcissa always did have the tendency to completely immerse herself in an emotion though, whether good or bad. And perhaps she shouldn’t; perhaps that was just a part of her disorder that she should be trying to fix, but right then, it was as though nothing else existed other than what Bellatrix was making her feel because out of all of the madness that surrounded her in this world, her sister was the one thing that had always made _sense._

Bellatrix didn’t know romance; not truly. She tried, of course she had always _tried,_ but Bellatrix was more of a physical being than anything else, and the way she showed and felt love had always been with her lips, with her hands, with her tongue. And right then, coming back from isolation and suicidal ideations that had lasted months upon months, all Narcissa wanted to do was drown in the love her sister craved to give her. It was the only thing that truly felt like _home_ to her; the one thing she had known longer than anything else, and the only constant in her life ever since she was a little girl. 

Their teeth clashed together in another desperate kiss as Bellatrix roughly shoved the fabric from Narcissa’s shoulders, having the garments pool at her feet. The blonde whimpered against Bellatrix’s lips as she grasped her sister’s robes in turn, pulling and tugging and demanding that they get out of her damned way so she could finally feel her skin against hers. Bellatrix had them off so fast and in a heap on the ground that it was almost damn near _impressive_ , but the blonde could barely acknowledge that as Bellatrix suddenly had her chin in her hand, tipping her head back as she teasingly traced the lines of her lips with her tongue. 

“How do you want me…?” she breathed, and Narcissa nearly fainted from the eroticism in her sister’s voice and her own submissive position. She could feel Bellatrix’s hardened nipples scraping agonizingly against her own, and Narcissa’s chest heaved as she struggled to breathe, to talk, to _think._ Bellatrix was looking at her in a way that begged Narcissa to destroy _her_ for once, and another drop of wetness rolled down the inside of the blonde’s thigh in response.

“On your knees,” Narcissa demanded, her voice breathy and low as she got off on having the power between them for once. Bellatrix’s grip on her chin slackened and when she could finally move her head Narcissa looked at her, her thumb gently dragging over her sister’s bottom lip. “You’ve made me into such a _terrible_ mess, my love…” she told her softly, gaze flicking from Bellatrix’s mouth to her eyes. She felt like she could drown in them. “And in this house, I expect you to clean up after yourself.”

Bellatrix’s pupils dilated at the implication, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips from the way her sister had worded that, before her knees hit the floor with a loud _thwack_ ; much quicker than Narcissa would have expected them to, to be honest. The younger woman’s skirt was hoisted up around her hips then and Bellatrix paused for a moment, taking in the surface she was expected to make spotless. Narcissa knew she was a mess; her knickers stuck to her uncomfortably and her thighs were slick nearly down to her knees yet instead of poking fun at her for once because of how damn easy she was, Bellatrix merely inhaled deeply, licked her lips, and dove right in without question or comment.

In the end, Bellatrix had nothing to say that was worth delaying this any longer.

“Oh my God,” Narcissa gasped as she felt her sister take the crotch of her panties entirely into her mouth, pulling them away from her flesh and sucking the wetness from them. Her head banged heavily against the wall, her eyes falling closed as her sister’s tongue mapped the inside of her thighs, erasing the evidence of Narcissa’s uncontrollable arousal. But she was taking too long, taking too much damn _time_ being everywhere but where Narcissa needed her to be, so as after a while she opened her eyes she fisted her hand in Bellatrix’s hair, roughly pulling her mouth to the apex of her thighs as she breathlessly demanded, “Don’t tease me; it’s been too goddamn long…!”

And Bellatrix, to her credit, finally learned how to take some sodding direction in her life and quickly pulled the blonde’s soaked knickers down her legs. Narcissa kicked them away before widening her stance, and when her sister’s thumbs parted her lips and her mouth covered her labia, Narcissa groaned low in the back of her throat and her eyes fluttered closed once more. 

This was madness, she knew it was; they hadn’t even had the decency to move from the damn foyer, not to mention that they still hadn’t even had a real moment to _talk,_ and yet Narcissa felt as though she were finally where she needed to be. Perhaps in the end neither of them knew how to connect with one another emotionally outside of moments like this, but right then it felt far too good to analyze, and so Narcissa dismissed the thought as she felt her sister’s tongue dance teasingly against her clit.

Narcissa had taken to holding up the hem of her own skirt as Bellatrix’s hands suddenly seemed to be far too busy for such a task, and the fabric bunched beneath the force of her grip as Bellatrix’s tongue worked _magic_ in ways she had almost forgotten it could. “Jesus, I’ve missed you…” Narcissa panted, feeling her cheeks start to flush from the fierce heat that began to inhabit the base of her abdomen before it started spreading torturously upwards. 

“I’ve missed how you make me feel, I’ve missed— oh, _God…_ ” she interrupted herself, unable to think straight anymore from what her sister was currently doing. “Oh my god, Bella, oh my _fucking_ God…” Narcissa cried, beginning to lose her breath as her other hand tugged mercilessly in the brunette’s tight curls, encouraging her to keep going at her as hard and as fast as she was, because it felt so goddamn _glorious_ in that moment that she couldn’t bear to experience anything else. “Yes, that!”

Because Bellatrix now had her clit between her teeth, her tongue flicking against its sensitive nub in a rapid succession that seemed to never let up, all whilst two of her fingers snaked their way inside of the blonde’s body and pressed against her g-spot in a way that made Narcissa’s head practically _spin._ She was crying out, her head slamming hard against the wall behind her as her orgasm approached much more quickly than she was used to, threatening to destroy the last of her sanity and devour her whole. 

“Don’t stop,” Narcissa pleaded with desperation, absolutely overwhelmed by the feeling and God, had it really been that long since she had experienced an orgasm? Because suddenly she felt like she was drowning in it, and it was as though she forgot how to even breathe without this feeling consuming her; without _Bellatrix_ consuming her. “Don’t stop, don’t you bloody stop— Bella, Bella, _fuck…!_ ”

It hit her like a freight train and Narcissa’s legs buckled, and the only reason she didn’t come tumbling down was her sister’s free arm pressing her abdomen so hard into the wall that Narcissa couldn’t even _breathe,_ let alone move. She whimpered rather pathetically as Bellatrix continued to lap at her cunt, savoring every last drop as she reveled in the way Narcissa’s hips twitched and her skin flushed a deep crimson. 

It took a few moments until Narcissa could get her bearings, but once she had she gently shoved her sister away from the apex of her thighs, bringing her knee up so she could rest the flat of her heel on Bellatrix’s chest. She pushed then, forcing the other woman onto her back on the marbled flooring before towering over her, one spiked yet disappointingly short heel still gently digging into the flesh between her sister’s breasts. Narcissa was breathing heavily and Bellatrix was looking up at her both a little surprised and like she didn’t know what to really make of her in that moment, and God, Narcissa got off on it, having Bellatrix under her like this. 

In the back of her mind, Narcissa knew that this wasn’t what either of them needed in that moment, but because it was simpler than accepting and _admitting_ what was really going on, Narcissa immersed herself in the fantasy, rather than face reality. It was just so much easier than the alternative.

“If I knew you wanted to roleplay, lover, I would have made you dress up for me first,” Bellatrix panted, one eyebrow arching pointedly at Narcissa’s little display of domination and power. And honestly Narcissa didn’t even know why she was doing it; it wasn’t as though she felt the need to punish Bellatrix or anything, despite everything that had happened. Maybe it was just the control that she craved, but either way, it gave her a sense of power she had long felt denied in her life, and Narcissa didn’t want to let it go just yet.

“Who said we were roleplaying?” she asked pointedly, arching an eyebrow down at her sister in return. Bellatrix merely smirked at her in response, of course finding this a little amusing, but Narcissa didn’t care. Her gaze flickered down to the long, black skirt her sister was still wearing and demanded, “Take off the rest of your clothes.”

“Quickly, or would you like a bloody elaborate showing of it, _Mistress?_ ” Bellatrix stressed, and Narcissa knew she was poking fun at her now but she disregarded it because whether her sister took this role-reversal seriously or not, the blonde still knew that she needed to do it right then. And perhaps the only reason Bellatrix refused to respect Narcissa’s authority on the matter was only because she didn’t know whether it was born from malicious intentions or not, and that concerned her.

Given the delicate nature of their relationship and all the uncertainty that currently surrounded it though, Narcissa knew her sister probably had a right to worry. Not that Bellatrix feared pain or punishment because she didn’t; in the end, the only thing she feared was thinking that they might actually be okay again, only to find out that they weren’t.

“Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to; it’s a ridiculous waste of my time,” Narcissa responded, keeping herself in the role she had created for herself at least for a moment longer before she hesitantly licked her lips and looked down at the form of her sister, who still hadn’t moved. It was as though Bellatrix was trying to figure out what exactly this was, and whether or not it meant Narcissa still resented her beneath her supposed desire to finally and completely forgive her.

“…You’re alright,” Narcissa assured her softly, dropping her commanding tone for a brief moment. The last thing she wanted was for Bellatrix to feel uncomfortable right now; that wasn’t what this was about, nor was it what either of them needed. “ _We’re_ alright. Now… do as I say.”

Bellatrix’s gaze caught hers for a moment and, seeing the honesty in her sister’s eyes, did exactly as she was told. Hooking her thumbs in the waistband of her loose skirt, Bellatrix began to slowly slide it down her thighs, all while holding unwavering eye contact with the blonde woman above her. After it had been carefully discarded, Bellatrix’s fingertips delicately danced over every dip and curve of her own body, mapping out each and every place Narcissa would be sure to kiss once she finally brought herself down to Bellatrix’s level. It was absolutely captivating, but nothing garnered Narcissa’s unwavering focus more than the moment that the brunette slipped her hand beneath the fabric of her knickers. As Bellatrix pressed down against her center and her back arched, a long groan was exhaled through painted lips that made Narcissa’s breathing shallow and her heart race. 

She still didn’t move her foot from off of her sister’s chest but to be quite honest, at this point it was more because Narcissa was completely frozen in place as she watched the show that Bellatrix was blatantly putting on for her. Her sister’s fingers were running through her folds yet she still couldn’t see much of anything because the woman still had those _blasted_ knickers on, yet within a moment that complaint was a distant memory anyhow as Bellatrix’s fingers went to her lips instead, slowly cleaning them off one by one as Narcissa stared unabashed at the erotic display beneath her.

Bellatrix smirked around one of her knuckles, apparently reveling in the aroused look on her sister’s face. “Does this meet your satisfaction, love; or would you prefer I go even slower…?”

“If you go any slower I might actually physically combust,” Narcissa panted, her chest heaving with desire at her lover splayed out beneath her heel. Bellatrix looked so very proud of herself for the mess she had reduced her sister to when it was _she_ who was meant to be on the submissive end of things; like she had won the little game that Narcissa had started before the blonde even knew she had lost control of the situation. Then again, it really didn’t surprise Narcissa that Bellatrix could top whilst acting like a bottom; she was most certainly the type to do so, after all. “Now take those damn things off before I have to come down there and _rip_ them off.”

“Promises, promises…”

Bellatrix chuckled as Narcissa’s eyes flashed, and suddenly her laughter dissolved into a gasp of anticipation as Narcissa was suddenly above her on all fours, her fingers wrapped around the fabric of her sister’s panties as she roughly pulled them upwards, causing the seam of the crotch to press firmly against her sister’s clit. Bellatrix hissed softly and arched her back, a devious little smile etching across her face when she looked up at the blonde beauty above her. 

But suddenly being atop her, being this _close_ to her and being able to look into her eyes for more than just a brief moment made Narcissa’s grip slacken as she swallowed, realizing she couldn’t run away from the truth forever. This wasn’t just sex; this was a promise without an explanation, and in the end Narcissa knew it would be questioned eventually, because once her sister finally got out of her haze of lust and really _looked_ at the situation, she would realize that none of this made any sense at all. And Bellatrix, immediately noting the change in her sister’s demeanor, allowed her brow to crinkle in question, no doubt beginning to worry that Narcissa was having second thoughts. But that wasn’t it. Not really.

Narcissa put her weight against her sister’s pelvis as she straddled her, bottom lip becoming trapped between her teeth as she looked down at the woman beneath her. “…I didn’t think this was how this day was going to go,” she admitted softly, feeling a little foolish with herself by how wrapped up she had gotten in it all. She was supposed to be getting better and yet once again Narcissa had dove head first into something in order to hide from another, and she couldn’t be doing that. Not anymore.

“Yeah,” Bellatrix breathed, and it was obvious she was trying not to sound prematurely disappointed, but Narcissa could see the fear in her eyes. She believed her sister was going to tell her that it was a mistake, and the thought of that clearly devastated her. “…Me either.”

“I just mean that I think we… I think we might have gone about this all wrong,” Narcissa admitted, and before she could explain what she meant by that, she could see her sister shut down. It was so automatic that it almost startled Narcissa as she hadn’t seen that in so long, but she knew her sister was just doing it to protect herself from getting hurt.

“Fine, whatever.”

Bellatrix tried to get her off of her then, but Narcissa exclaimed, “No, Bella!” as she grabbed her shoulders, pushing her flat on the marble flooring again as she pinned her down again. Bellatrix wasn’t moving an inch until she had a chance to properly explain. “God, I didn’t mean…! I just—I didn’t mean what you think I meant. All I’m saying is that it’s been… fuck, I don’t even know _how_ long since we’ve had one another in this way, and all we’re doing is making some… some stupid _game_ out of it. I mean, look at us.”

Bellatrix pursed her lips, yet said nothing as she watched the emotions dance behind Narcissa’s dark eyes.

“We need to be more than this,” Narcissa breathed, the intensity of her emotions in that moment suffocating her volume. God, she needed this, all of this, to be _worth it,_ and the truth in that realization felt as though it was crushing her. Her chest felt tight and she could feel her eyes begin to mist up, but Narcissa didn’t allow her tears to fall. She cried enough in her life as it was. “ _I_ need us to be more than this…”

“We _are,_ ” Bellatrix responded fiercely, reaching up to possessively cup her sister’s cheek in her hand. “How we fuck one another doesn’t define how we feel. It’s just sex, Narcissa, and believe me when I tell you I enjoy _anything_ you give me in that regard; whether you wanna stomp all over me or make love to me atop a bed of bloody fucking rose petals, it doesn’t _matter_. In the end, it doesn’t change anything between us. I’m still going to love you more than anyone else in this world, and you’re…”

But she trailed off then, unsure of how Narcissa defined her feelings for her anymore.

“Always going to come home,” Narcissa breathed, finishing her sentence. It wasn’t the hard truth that she needed to face then, but it was a truth all the same. Narcissa’s eyes searched hers then, looking down at the _reason_ she had made any of these terrible things come to pass as she told her honestly, “I’m always going to come home to you, because you _are_ my home, Bellatrix. I’ve never known anything else, and I’ve never wanted to.”

But of course Bellatrix took that the completely wrong way and scoffed. “Pretty words…”

“It’s a metaphor, you moron. I didn’t mean in the literal sense,” Narcissa told her with a small huff, because she knew Bellatrix was taking it as the fact that Narcissa lived with _Lucius_ and not her. She shook her head slightly before looking back down at her, her expression softening once more as she exhaled a small breath. 

“Maybe it’s not the same for you, but when we were finally together again, it felt like… like I was where I belonged; like I had run away but was finally coming home again,” Narcissa explained softly, needing her sister to understand why she was doing this; why she had done _any_ of this. “You’re my safe place, Bellatrix; the only constant I have ever known in my life, and the only thing I have ever sacrificed _everything_ for. And I wish I could tell you that the things I did were completely unselfish, because maybe it would have been easier for me to accept, but… but they weren’t. They never have been.”

Bellatrix looked up at her, her eyebrows knitting a little as she tried to comprehend what her sister was saying to her. She didn’t say anything, but that was okay because Narcissa wasn’t finished; her voice was choking up a little in her throat as she forced herself to say the words, but she knew they needed to be said. She knew Bellatrix deserved to know the answer, even if Narcissa feared what kind of person it would paint her out as should she finally admit the truth out loud.

“And maybe we’re idiots for doing this before we actually _talked,_ before we even explicitly defined what we are to one another now, but honestly, what’s the bloody point?” Narcissa asked her with this almost defeated sounding chuckle, wondering if it was only she who thought these things, or if they plagued her sister’s mind as well. But perhaps they didn’t, as maybe Bellatrix always had the answers that she was only now just discovering for herself. “We’ve always been one thing to one another, and no matter what we’ve done, that’s never going to change. We’re bound together, Bella, for better or for worse, and while it took me a long time to accept that, I refuse to fear it now.”

Narcissa paused then, organizing her thoughts as she tried to make sense of what it was that she was feeling. And even though not all of it was good, she pushed on anyway; Narcissa knew she had to get this out, that she had to voice it, or otherwise it might very well suffocate inside of her and never find its release at all.

“We are awful, _awful_ people,” the younger woman continued, her voice hitching in her throat at the truth in that statement. A tear finally slipped down Narcissa’s cheek then, and Bellatrix was quick to wipe it away before tucking a stray piece of hair behind her sister’s ear, comforting her, in the only way she knew how to in that moment. “We’ve done terrible things that neither of us should ever be forgiven for, but we always do them for each other. And when I was in the hospital I realized that I did what I did for a reason, and it was _not_ so you could live your life without me. I fixed you because I needed you, because I couldn’t bear to live without you, and so if I allow what had happened to separate us, then our daughter died for nothing, and I will _not_ insult her memory like that. She deserves so much _better_ than that.”

In all honesty, their daughter deserved better than to have _them_ as parents in the first place, but it was far too late to do anything about that now. Instead, Narcissa needed to look forwards rather than backwards, for after all that had happened, she knew it would be the only way she would ever survive in this world.

“And us?” Bellatrix responded softly, catching her sister’s gaze once more from her place on the floor. “What do we deserve, Cissy?”

“Probably to burn in Hell for our sins, if you’d like the truth of it,” Narcissa answered honestly, but at that moment, her fate in death didn’t scare her because she was so very far from it now. She wanted to live, and she wanted to live with _her._ Narcissa smiled down at her, this small, soft little gesture that suddenly made her feel so much freer than she had moments before. It was almost as though now that she had said it out loud, that it finally became true; that if she didn’t live, that if Narcissa wasn’t _happy_ with her life with Bellatrix, then it would be a grave insult to the daughter she had never gotten to know. 

And maybe in the end it was just an excuse rather than a justification, but Narcissa couldn’t bear to dwell on it any longer. If she wanted to get better then she needed to move on, and not feel like a terrible person for even doing so in the first place.

It was the only hope she had left, and so Narcissa grasped onto it with both hands and refused to let go.

“So until that happens…” Narcissa breathed, a small smirk tugging on her lips as she placed her hands against her sister’s sides, hesitating only briefly before she curled her fingers inwards, dragging her nails gently down the curvature of her sister’s body and making her groan and careen forwards. “Perhaps we should try to touch Heaven a little longer, because believe me, my darling, I am _not_ planning to die without experiencing the bliss you give me at least a thousand times over again…”

Soft lips met the brunette’s then, and Bellatrix didn’t hesitate to follow her lead, grasping onto her sister’s back once one of Narcissa’s hands had found itself beneath the fabric of her underwear. She was done wasting time; all she wanted to feel was Bellatrix gasping and writhing beneath her, and she would be damned if she put it off any longer. She needed her. She needed _all_ of her.

Narcissa could feel Bellatrix’s breath hitch in the back of her throat once she slid her fingers through the river between her thighs, and the blonde smiled wickedly against her lips, dragging her fingertips agonizingly slowly against her sister’s most sensitive flesh. “Fuck,” Bellatrix breathed, her nails digging crescent marks in the blonde’s back as she arched beneath her. “Cissy,” she begged, feeling her sister begin to kiss her cheek, her neck, the underside of her jaw; treating her as though she were precious, as though she were irreplaceable, because she was. “…Make love to me. _Please._ ”

Narcissa smiled, kissing her sister’s lips sweetly before touching Bellatrix’s cheek and whispering against her lips her promise that she intended to keep until her dying breath.

“Until the end of the world, my love.”

**TBC…**


	21. XXI. Spring 1978

**CHAPTER TWENTY ONE  
Spring 1978**

“Aquila, huh? S’a pretty name, Cissa.”

Narcissa pursed her lips into a thin line as she settled back into her lawn chair and closed her eyes behind her dark sunglasses, trying to disconnect from the emotions her daughter’s name made her feel as she couldn’t bear to fall apart over this anymore; it was taking too much out of her, most of all her sanity. 

“…Thank you,” Narcissa responded softly, hoping the lump in her throat wasn’t audible when she spoke. She swallowed it down though, trying to focus on the feeling of the sun beating down on her skin during the unusually warm May afternoon.

She desperately needed some color; it had been nearly a year since Narcissa had _properly_ been outside, and it was obvious her skin was taking the brunt of the punishment for it. Although she was healthier both physically and emotionally, she still looked _dreadfully_ ill due to the paleness of her skin, and Narcissa knew she still couldn’t go out into public like this; she needed to do some maintenance first. If she didn’t, the socialites would eat her alive.

“S’for the stars, yeah?” Cassandra asked, looking over at her friend from her place on the lawn chair next to her. She was ridiculously attractive in her tiny swimming costume with her auburn hair down in loose curls around her face, and Narcissa had to remind herself not to stare a couple times now. She just… could not go there. She didn’t want to go there. “Always was rubbish at Astrology an’ the like, but sounds like somethin’ in the sky.”

Narcissa knew that Cassandra was just trying to be casual about all this because she knew that her friend couldn’t bear breaking down over it anymore, but the concern about the situation was still evident in her voice. Narcissa had finally told her the truth— well, _most_ of the truth, anyway; of course leaving out the part that her daughter was created from Bellatrix and not Lucius, because that was… well, it just sounded very _wrong,_ to be honest. And considering Narcissa knew that it would elicit more questions than she had answers that she was willing to verbalize, she chose to omit that fact completely. It just seemed easier.

Cassandra had known about what the Dark Lord was doing though, having heard such details from her husband when he came home and told her what was going on at ‘work’, and so the situation itself didn’t surprise her. She had known about Gwendolyn, although hadn’t known her personally and therefore did not attend her funeral like Narcissa had. Still, she had been aware of what was going on; she’d have to have been stupid not to. She was married into this whole mess just as Narcissa was, after all.

“It’s a constellation, yes,” Narcissa responded softly, trying to ignore the ache in her chest as she spoke about this. About her. “Like my sisters’ names… like my father’s.”

“Not yours though,” Cassandra noted, and Narcissa exhaled a long breath as she opened her eyes, staring up at the bright form of the sun for a brief moment through her dark glasses. It blinded her, yet not overly so due to the protection she had covering her eyes.

“No,” she breathed, hoping she didn’t sound as sad about that as she did. “Not like mine.” She had always wondered why her father refused to name her like her sisters, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that he probably didn’t believe that a blonde child was his. Although if you ever implied such a thing in front of Bellatrix she would probably rip out your tongue for the disrespect; not because she refused to believe that their mother didn’t cheat, but because she refused to believe that Narcissa was only made up of _half_ of what she herself was made of.

Either way though, it mattered very little. There was no changing the past, whatever the truth of it was, and she and her sister were bound by far more than _blood_ now.

“I’m real sorry, Cissa,” Cassandra said softly as she reached over to gently squeeze her hand, and Narcissa swallowed hard before she nodded, silently accepting her condolences.

“You saved ‘er though, y’know,” Cassandra told her as she withdrew her hand, picking up her glass of wine off of the table in between them. “Your sister. Probably woulda offed ‘erself if not for you, if it really was as bad as you say. That’s gotta count for somethin’.”

“...I know,” Narcissa breathed, remembering how bad it used to be; how sick her sister was. She looked down at her bare stomach as she lay outside in her two-piece swimming costume, her gaze resting on her stretch marks that proved that what had happened wasn’t just a terrible dream. She hated that they existed, and for once not because they were an imperfection. “I just pray that it was worth what I sacrificed.”

“You love ‘er,” Cassandra told her after she had taken a sip of her wine. She shrugged lightly. “Most people would do anything for the people they love, I reckon.”

“Would you?” Narcissa asked, despite dreading the answer to the question. “If you could fix your mother, would you… do what I did?”

“I dunno,” Cassandra answered honestly, pausing for a moment to think on it. “Think it might depend on how bad off she is; if she might die, if she even wanted me to help, y’know? But… think your sister’s a bit different from my mum anyway. Like ‘ow you feel about ‘er an’ everything.”

“What do you mean?” Narcissa asked, her tone a little defensive despite wishing that it wasn’t so bloody automatic every time someone brought up her relationship with her sister. “Bellatrix is my family, just like how your mum is to you. It’s the same thing.”

“Nah, you know what I mean. Like… you love ‘er like you love your ‘usband.”

Narcissa, who had made the mistake of taking a sip of her wine at that exact moment, coughed before she could properly swallow, causing the red liquid to spill over her chest. “Shit,” Narcissa swore as Cassandra laughed, watching the wine puddle between her breasts. After she had grabbed a napkin to clean herself up, the blonde looked at her friend and demanded, “ _Excuse_ me? I certainly do not love my sister in the way I do my _husband._ That’s… that’s really gross, Cass!”

“I didn’t mean like you want ‘er to bend ya over or nothin’,” Cassandra responded, still laughing at how Narcissa took that statement. She shot her a pointed look then though and continue, “Though if ya ask me she’d probably do it if ya asked nice enough. Think she’d do ‘bout anythin’ for you though; bit weird about you, that one. Like you’re the only thing that matters to ‘er.” Narcissa’s hand paused mid-dab of the napkin as some of the color drained from her face, though Cassandra didn’t seem to notice. “Just… y’know, the intensity of it; of your love for ‘er. Like romantic but not. I dunno how to explain it; just a feelin’ I guess.”

“I…” Narcissa tried, but found that words had failed her. What the hell do you say to something like that? Of course she loved her sister intensely; she was her _sister._ She just happened to be so much more than that as well. Crumpling up the soiled napkin into her hand, Narcissa blinked a bit in confusion before she finally began speaking. “I don’t even know what to say to that,” Narcissa admitted, placing the napkin on to the table. “Of course I love her intensely, she’s the only family I have left and we’re… we’re close, obviously, but… I don’t know. You make it sound so… _weird_. I’m unsure if I should be offended right now; on her behalf more than my own.”

“Be offended all you like,” Cassandra responded with a little shrug, completely unconcerned about it. “Just tellin’ ya what it seems like. I’m not sayin’ it’s bad or nothin’; well maybe if she _actually_ bent ya over it’d be bad, but I’m just sayin’ it ain’t bad to love someone like that. Not bad to love someone at all, cause it’s love, y’know?”

Narcissa didn’t respond. She pursed her lips and leaned back in her chair, trying to not think about all the times her sister _had_ bent her over because then she’d probably flush in guilt and embarrassment. She hated when people got a little too close to the truth; she was always afraid the look on her face would give her away, and so Narcissa distracted herself by downing the rest of the wine in her glass.

A few long moments passed before anyone said anything, and the silence unfortunately made way for Narcissa’s intrusive thoughts.

Exhaling a long breath as she heavily placed her glass back on the table, Narcissa told her in a rather detached sounding voice, “I blamed her, you know.” She didn’t know why she was telling her this, or where it even came from in the first place, but perhaps she just needed to tell _someone_. “She never even asked for my help and I blamed her. She took my child from my arms and handed her over to die and I blamed her, even though it was the deal that I alone made. I said… _terrible_ things to her, I told her she was dead to me and…” But Narcissa just trailed off, shaking her head as she poured herself another glass of wine, hoping to God that she didn’t start crying again.

Honestly, it was a miracle she hadn’t shriveled up and died yet from all of the tears she’d expelled in her life.

“You apologize?” Cassandra asked, and Narcissa exhaled a long, guilty breath as she shook her head. “Why not?”

“I don’t know,” Narcissa said softly, staring at the wine in her glass as she gently swirled it around. “Maybe I just don’t want to remind her what a shit person I am. We’re finally… things are finally good again. Bringing it up… I don’t know, maybe I’m just afraid it’d ruin it.”

“That’s pretty fuckin’ selfish of ya, Cissa; if you want my opinion.”

She had, that’s why Narcissa had asked, but the blunt answer still made the blonde wince in guilt. She wanted to be told it was okay that she hadn’t, even though she knew it wasn’t.

“I am selfish,” Narcissa admitted before taking another sip of her drink. She shrugged in a rather defeated manner, like she knew that some things would never change and that was just the unfortunate truth. “Self-involved, self… I don’t know, anything else that’s awful. Always been that way.” She didn’t know why she was being this honest; perhaps it was due to the wine. She hadn’t had that much though, but perhaps her medication was exacerbating the effects.

Which definitely meant she needed to stop.

Narcissa sighed heavily, putting her glass back down onto the table between them. “God, I need to stop drinking. Bella should be here any minute to bring me to my Soul Mender appointment; it would probably make a bad impression if I show up drunk.”

“Bit, yeah,” Cassandra laughed, finishing her own drink. When she placed the glass back down she mentioned, “Should go anyway. Peter should be ‘ome by now; likes me to jump on ‘is cock after work so I probably shouldn’t keep ‘im waitin’.”

Narcissa practically choked on her breath at that sentence, causing Cassandra to chuckle as she picked herself up off of her chair. “ _Cass!_ ”

“What? ‘E does,” Cassandra said with a smirk before she bent down and gave the blonde a kiss on the cheek, causing Narcissa to smile softly at the friendly gesture. “I’ll see ya later. Plannin’ on coming out of hidin’ anytime soon?”

“We’ll see. I don’t… quite feel ready yet.”

“So I should still tell people you’re sick, yeah?” Cassandra asked, grabbing her robes off the back of her chair. “What’d you say it was again?”

“I didn’t,” Narcissa reminded her, sighing softly as she watched her friend redress herself. “Specify, that is. Just that I contracted it when Lucius and I went on holiday in Egypt. I should probably get my lies straight. What keeps people out of commission this long that isn’t fatal?”

Cassandra shrugged, buttoning the clasp on her robes. “I dunno. Just say it’s some rare disease you can’t pronounce or something.”

“That lie would get picked apart so fast.”

“Maybe, but ya gotta say somethin’,” Cassandra reminded her, giving her friend a sympathetic look. “Fuckin’ Margret is having a bloody field day guessin’ what’s wrong with you. You don’t even wanna know some of the shit she’s sayin’; creative, I'll give 'er that, but sodding cunty.”

“Fuck,” Narcissa said with a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. That was the last thing she wanted to hear, because she knew Margret had a vendetta against her because she married Lucius, who she had had a crush on. “That bitch. I hate her.”

“Who?”

Both Narcissa and Cassandra turned, seeing Bellatrix in the threshold of the doorway. She side-eyed Cassandra with distaste, but thankfully said nothing rude for once. Narcissa was sure it was only a matter of time though; Bellatrix had never had much in the way if self-control.

She probably wasn't one to talk though.

“Margret,” Narcissa answered with a sigh, fiddling with the frames of her sunglasses. “She’s spreading rumors about me, per usual. It doesn’t matter; she’ll be dealt with. Two can play that game. Do you think I should tell people she contracted syphilis or gonorrhea when she fucked a Muggle?”

Bellatrix shot her a look like she had to be kidding her. “You really need a fucking hobby. Concerning yourself with social politics is bloody ridiculous.”

“To you, perhaps. I, however, refuse to let her win. I will not be bested by someone who looks like they got hit by a sodding truck.”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes.

“Gonorrhea,” Cassandra answered, at least taking her options of payback seriously, unlike Bellatrix. Cassandra at least understood the importance of Narcissa’s reputation though; and while she couldn’t play social politics on the same level as her friend, she still respected what it meant to the other woman. “Syphilis is fatal, innit?”

“Not anymore, I don’t think.”

“Are you still here?” Bellatrix asked in a rather bored tone, shooting Cassandra a look that very clearly said, ‘get the fuck out’. Narcissa set her jaw, shooting her sister a look of warning that was pointedly ignored because, frankly, Bellatrix didn’t give much of a toss about being rude.

Especially not to Cassandra.

“ _Bellatrix,_ ” Cassandra greeted pointedly, giving her friend’s sister a sarcastic smile. She learned against the threshold of the door on the opposite side of Bellatrix, being _way_ too close the woman for Narcissa’s comfort. Cassandra truly had no fear though, and it’d be downright impressive if it didn’t actually terrify Narcissa a bit. “As cunty as ever, I see. An’ here I was afraid ya lost your touch; was almost a tad disappointed, to be ‘onest.”

Bellatrix smirked at her, but Narcissa could see the irritation behind her darkened eyes. “You and I both know you wouldn’t be this brave if you didn’t have my sister’s protection, so I suggest that you rub the only two brain cells you have left together and get the fuck out of my face before I decide I forgot the meaning of the word _‘no’._ ”

“ _Bellatrix,_ ” Narcissa hissed in warning, but neither of them even spared her a glance. Cassandra just looked amused.

“Bit like a trained puppy then, ain’t ya? Cute. Cissa make you wear a leash?”

Oh shit.

Bellatrix’s hand shot out and landed heavily against the threshold against the doorway just mere inches from Cassandra’s face. The quick movement did actually startle her and the redhead noticeably faltered, which of course made Bellatrix smirk because she felt like she was actually scaring her for once. Getting real close to her face, Bellatrix held eye contact with her as she bluntly told her, “You know what you are, right? I mean, after all this time, you must know what you really are to my sister.”

“Bella, stop it!” Narcissa exclaimed, finally getting out of her lawn chair with the intention of physically separating them should she need to. She didn’t know what Bellatrix was going to say to her, not really, but she was certain it wasn’t good.

“You’re a _project,_ ” Bellatrix hissed at the other girl, hoping to shatter her self-esteem. “A product of boredom and Narcissa’s desire to be fucking worshipped; nothing more. She saw what an utter disaster you were and thought she could fix you because you’re easy to eye-fuck, but there really is no fixing you, is there? You’re always going to be nothing more than a dirty commoner playing dress up, just kept around for the amusement of your betters.”

“That is _enough!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed as she grabbed Bellatrix’s shoulder and shoved her away from Cassandra, horrified by her sister’s choice of words, but mostly because some of them had actually been _true._ At first, yes, of course Cassandra had been a project of some kind, but that certainly wasn’t all she was _now,_ and telling the woman that she used to not be very highly regarded by the person she called her best friend was just… horribly, horribly cruel.

But then again, that was precisely why Bellatrix had done it.

“Why do you always have to _do_ this?” Narcissa seethed, her voice hitching with upset as she continued to shove her sister backwards into the house, away from Cassandra. Her eyes misted over with tears, but they were more of helpless frustration than anything else because she couldn’t just get this to _stop._ “I’m allowed to have friends, Bella; I’m allowed to have a life! God, you _know_ I’m not in the frame of mind to deal with shit like this right now, and yet you do it anyway because you’ve never learned to just shut your sodding mouth. You’re such a selfish fucking cow sometimes; I can’t believe you.”

“She’s the bloody one who—!” Bellatrix tried to defend, but Narcissa wasn’t hearing it. She was done; she was so done with all of this.

“No, _be quiet,_ ” Narcissa hissed, absolutely furious with her. “I don’t care to hear whatever bullshit lie you’ve concocted to justify this right now, because I already know the truth of it. I’m too old for this, Bella; _we’re_ too old for this, and I’m so sick of fighting over the same bloody things for our entire lives. It’s exhausting.”

“Don’t act like you can’t possibly understand, Cissy,” Bellatrix snapped, apparently hating that Narcissa had the nerve to actually be an adult about this and look at it rationally. “For years you bitched about Gwen, so I don’t want to hear it. You are not better than me; you are not above being over protective and _possessive_ like me, so don’t you ever come at me like this is something you’re better than, because you and I both know you’re not.”

“Oh my God, Gwendolyn was _different!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed, hardly able to believe that Bellatrix actually had the nerve to compare the two relationships. 

“ _How?_ She was my best friend, and you—!” Bellatrix outright lied, no doubt only because Cassandra was within earshot. They had moved a significant way into the house as they argued, but all the doors were still open and no doubt Cassandra was listening anyway because it was a bit like watching a train wreck. 

Narcissa’s eyes flashed and she grabbed the closest thing she could find, which luckily for Bellatrix was couch pillows. “You. Bloody. Well. Know. _How!_ ” she screeched, accenting each word without another pillow that she chucked straight at her sister’s face. Bellatrix blocked most of them, but the last one hit her square in the nose and as Bellatrix swore at her, Narcissa felt a little better.

Still, it wasn’t enough to curb her irritation with the matter.

“God, I can’t—I can’t do this anymore,” Narcissa exhaled, sounding beyond frustrated as she ran her hands over her scalp. “And I swear to God, if you don’t stop, I’m going to do _exactly_ what it is you’re afraid of, because I am tired of both myself and her being punished for something we’re not even doing; it’s _bullshit._ ”

Bellatrix went to speak, but Narcissa interrupted her before she could even get her first word out.

“ _No,_ just get out. We’ll discuss this later, but right now you’re going to make me late for my goddamn appointment and right about now I’d say I _really_ need some sodding therapy,” Narcissa snapped, causing her sister to purse her lips in irritation. She didn’t argue about Cassandra anymore though; they both knew they couldn’t have a real conversation about it until they were truly alone. Still, she had other grievances.

“I fucking promised Lucius that I’d take you, Cissy; so I don’t know why you think you’re going without me.”

“ _No,_ you promised Lucius that you’d make sure I didn’t go _alone._ Last I checked, if I go with Cassandra, I’m not going alone,” Narcissa bit back, not allowing Bellatrix to just force her presence in her life when she needed some bloody space from her. “I might need a babysitter, Bella, but today? You’re not it. Go home.”

Bellatrix set her jaw as she stared at her, her fury masking that tiny speck of absolute devastation in her eyes, because they always did this, didn’t they? They were finally perfect, things were finally _good_ , and then they just had to ruin it all over again. They fought far too much, about bloody _everything_ , and it desperately needed to stop.

Neither of them seemed to know how to do that though.

“Fine,” Bellatrix responded flatly, trying to not look as put out as she obviously felt. “Do whatever you want, I don’t care.”

She disapparated with a crack then, and Narcissa just shook her head in frustration and upset before she threw the last pillow that was on the couch at the far wall. She sunk into the cushions then, practically collapsing onto the upholstery as she placed her head in her hands. Why did they always have to _do_ this? Why couldn’t they just have a healthy sodding relationship; was that honestly too much to bloody ask for?! Maybe this was just their punishment, but incest or not, sinful or _not,_ they should at least be able to get through a week without falling to fucking pieces for the eight millionth time.

Narcissa sniffed, wiping away the small tears that begun to leak from the corners of her eyes just as Cassandra peeked her head around the corner, tentatively asking, “…Cissa?” She looked as though she wasn’t sure if she should comfort her friend, or leave her alone when she was clearly upset.

Narcissa exhaled a long breath, wiping away another tear as she stared at the far wall. “I need you to bring me to my Soul Mender’s in a little bit,” she requested softly, knowing she had no right to request this of her when all she seemed to do was bring abuse down on Cassandra’s head from a third party, but she had no one else. “Please. I know your husband’s waiting on you, but… I can’t go alone.”

“Yeah, s’fine,” Cassandra responded, finally coming fully around the corner. After she crossed the room, she sat down next to her friend on the couch and put a hand on her knee. Narcissa smiled a little sadly at her, appreciating the gesture as she rested her hand atop Cassandra’s, then her head on her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry,” Narcissa apologized, feeling awful for what Bellatrix had subjected her to. “What she said to you… that was so very far over the line. She’s just… she’s scared, and Bella doesn’t know how to handle fear and so she lashes out. Which isn’t—I mean, I’m not trying to make excuses for her, but she… I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying; I’m just really sorry. What she said was cruel.”

Cassandra just shrugged though, never one to really let things bother her. “I know ‘ow you felt ‘bout me, Cissa; knew you were just lettin’ me tag along cause you liked the attention I gave ya,” she told her, causing Narcissa’s stomach to plummet a little because she really did wish that Cassandra hadn’t known that, even if anything else would have been a lie. “Probably didn’t give much of a toss ‘bout me either way, but that was forever ago. Things’re different now; I know that, so it don’t bother me none. End of the day, we’re each other’s only friends, y’know? An’ maybe we got closer just cause we got no one else around us that ain’t family or a superficial twat, but doesn’t much matter, yeah? ‘Ow you get somewhere don’t matter, so long as you do; what my Mum says anyway.”

Narcissa still felt bad, but maybe Cassandra was right; maybe it didn’t matter how it started, so long as they ended up where they were. And yes, perhaps it was sad that they only formed some kind of bond due to literally having no one else outside of their own family, but Narcissa, at least, knew she needed the disconnect; now more than ever. Honestly, she had been so wrapped up in Lucius and Bellatrix and all the drama that surrounded them that she could never have an outside perspective, and maybe she needed that. Maybe that’s why she trusted Cassandra enough to tell her about her daughter; even though it wasn’t the complete truth, it was enough that she finally felt like she wasn’t just trapped in this… in this _bubble_ all the time.

“Why’s she scared though?” Cassandra asked, her brow knitting as she tried to work that part out. “Make’s no bleedin’ sense. I ain’t gonna do nothin’ to ya. ‘Less she thinks I’m gonna take you away from her, which is dumb cause it’s not like I can replace her bein’ your sister an’ everything— _Wait,_ ” she interrupted herself, remembering something she had heard. “You were sayin’ somethin’, yeah? About doin’ whatever it is she’s afraid of, so it’s gotta be an action and not just some jealous feelin’, right? So what is it? Maybe if I tell her I’m not gonna then she’ll fuck off an’ leave us be. You reckon?”

Shit. Narcissa knew she shouldn’t have said that right after she had opened her mouth, but she had just been so frustrated with Bellatrix always _blaming_ her for something she had never done. She had even taken veritaserum to prove she hadn’t, for Christ’s sake! Honestly, how much more did she _want_ from her? There was only so much she could do to try to ease Bellatrix’s paranoia, and it was killing her that she couldn’t; it was killing her that it had been eight years and they were still arguing about the same damn person, about the same damn _thing._ When would it ever end?

“I…” Narcissa tried, attempting to formulate some kind of lie in her head. She realized rather quickly though that she couldn’t really think of anything other than the truth though, and that made her stomach clench into tight knots as she realized she might have to admit something about herself that she had hidden for so long. Therefore, it posed the question: how much did she _really_ trust Cassandra to not tell her secrets?

Narcissa swallowed.

“If I… tell you something, you have to swear to me that you won’t tell _anyone._ Do you understand me? Not even my husband knows this,” Narcissa pleaded, grasping onto her friend’s hands as she demanded eye contact so Cassandra knew that she was serious. She didn’t plan to tell her the whole truth, because that would be utter _madness_ , but for Bellatrix’s concern to even make _sense_ with the half-lie she had concocted in her head at a moment’s notice, Narcissa needed to admit to one thing she had never told anyone save her sister before.

“Course I won’t tell no one, Cissa; you know me,” Cassandra responded, like she had to be stupid to even ask that, especially after what she had told her about her child. And, yes, perhaps that was the more serious of the two issues, but that didn’t mean that this didn’t also scare her. 

The blonde nodded, grateful for her friend’s promised silence. “I, um… okay,” Narcissa tried, but found she failed rather quickly as she hesitated saying the actual words out loud. “Shit, alright. So, I’m a little… I don’t exactly _just_ like my husband, right? I mean, I’d never cheat on him—” What a ridiculous lie that was, but Narcissa pushed through regardless. “But sometimes I just… want something else, you know? Something that isn’t… I guess it’s not really exactly _normal,_ but—”

“Cissa, Cissa, stop,” Cassandra interrupted, sounding exasperated with her and probably for good reason, considering Narcissa couldn’t just get to the damn point. “If you’re tryin’ to tell me you thirst for tits every now an’ then, it ain’t like this is bloody news, yeah? – _Oh,_ ” Cassandra interrupted herself, too caught up in her revelation to notice how wide her friend’s jaw had slacked at the completely casual way that Cassandra had just said that; not to mention the way she chose to label her bisexuality. ‘Thirst for tits’… honestly…

“She thinks we’re fuckin’, doesn’t she?” Cassandra realized, finally putting two and two together. “Or that we’re gonna. Thinks you’re gonna fuck up your life or whatever cause o’ me; why she doesn’t want me ‘round. Bein’ wicked over protective or whatever, yeah? I mean, outsida all this jealous wank, cause I know that’s still part of it. Not very good at sharing, that one; bet she was a wretched nightmare when you were young and wanted to play with ‘er toys.”

Well, that was true. 

And while what Cassandra had said wasn’t _exactly_ the lie she was going to tell, it certainly was good enough, and so Narcissa pursed her lips and nodded. “She’s just trying to make sure I don’t ruin my life,” she responded sadly as she sold her lie, yet was still reminded of what would actually happen should her secrets really get out. In the end, she didn’t have to fake being upset about it. “She knows I wouldn’t be able to bear it if I ruined my marriage, if people found out the truth about me, although _how…?_ ” Narcissa asked in disbelief, looking over at the girl next to her as though she couldn’t fathom who or what she was. “How the hell did you… how did you even _know?!_ ”

“Got eyes, Cissa,” Cassandra reminded her, sounding a little amused by the question. “Ya stare at pretty girls all the time, y’know; sometimes even catch you starin’ at me, though I think you try not to do that too much cause you think it makes me uncomfortable or somethin’. Flattered though, honestly; not that I’m that way or anythin’ – or, well, I dunno really, ‘aven’t exactly tried it or nothin’, and it’s probably hard to know if ya like somethin’ or not if you’ve never done it – but my Mum had a female lover once, right? When I was younger. Told me not to tell no one cause she was scared ‘bout what’d happen if people found out, but love’s love, y’know? Or sex is sex; regardless. Either way, not no one’s business but your own, so I never asked ya or nothin’; figured if you ever wanted to tell me then you would.”

“…Oh,” Narcissa responded, and the word came out more like a breathy exhale than anything else. While she was glad that Cassandra didn’t judge her for it, it was a little frightening that she already knew. “Do you… do you think anyone _else_ knows that I’m—?”

“Nah,” Cassandra replied, shaking her head. “Most people are unobservant twits, ain’t they? Only see themselves an’ shit. Don’t know why you don’t tell your ‘usband though; Lucius seems the type to love you no matter what, yeah? Might even let ya bring another girl into bed; think most men have that fantasy though, even though they like to pretend it’s wrong when it comes to two guys or the shit being public. Buncha hypocrites, really.”

Narcissa’s cheeks flushed a little as that image of her husband and sister in bed with her came back full force. But no, that wasn’t… that would _never_ happen, and Narcissa knew it. And if she ever shared a bed with another woman and her husband, Bellatrix would… Bellatrix would _kill_ her; or at the very least, the other girl who Narcissa had fucked. Someone would die, that was for sure.

“I can’t do that,” Narcissa breathed, shaking her head sadly. “Lucius is… very homophobic. He would never understand.”

It wasn’t necessarily true, but it was the best excuse she could come up with at the moment. He had been, many years ago, but Lucius had since revalued his stance once he saw the hell that Bellatrix went through as she hid her true self from the rest of the world. Not that he cared about her pain back then or anything, but he hated that it hurt his wife to watch her sister go through such an ordeal and so the comments about her sexuality stopped; at least in regards to anything else that didn’t involve Bellatrix’s unnatural love for her own sister.

Which was _especially_ why Narcissa couldn’t tell him; if Lucius knew she was bisexual, he would worry about her with Bellatrix even more. That couldn’t happen.

“Well… I can still tell your sister that I ain’t bangin’ ya, if it helps; maybe stop some of the drama, yeah?”

“It wouldn’t,” Narcissa sighed heavily, running her fingers through her hair. She glanced up at the large grandfather clock on the room, noting the time; she had about five minutes until she needed to be at her appointment, and so she tried to finish up this conversation so they could go. If she missed it, Lucius would be furious. “She wouldn’t believe you, but I’ll deal with it; I promise.”

“By threatenin’ to _actually_ fuck me?” Cassandra asked, sounding amused. Narcissa immediately went bright red; she had forgotten she had said that within ear shot of her. Well, she had forgotten that filling in the blanks for Cassandra would make her previous statement make actual _sense,_ at any rate. Regardless, it was terribly embarrassing. 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry; I honestly never meant—!”

“S’fine,” Cassandra responded, still chuckling at how red her friend had gotten. “Like I said, it's flatterin’. Still, kinda like puttin’ oil on a fire, yeah?”

“Perhaps,” Narcissa responded with a long sigh. She was just tired of this; especially because Bellatrix had no reason to be jealous. She shook her head though as she rose from the couch. “Whatever. Like I said, I'll deal with it. Right now though we have to get to my appointment; if I doddle anymore I'm going to be late and Lucius will go off at me about responsibility and the like, which is never pleasant.”

In the end, the majority of the appointment had been filled with her complaining about Bellatrix anyway. She couldn’t give details obviously, neither about the depth of her relationship with her sister nor the real reason why she was so jealous of Cassandra, but it was fairly easy to make it seem like Bellatrix just didn’t want her to have any friends, which was true regardless; any time Narcissa was close to anyone, Bellatrix sought to destroy it. Cassandra, Lucius, even Andromeda…

However, when the Soul Mender had asked her if she had ever done the same to her, it caused her to pause because of course she had. She still was even now, albeit indirectly. Bellatrix may not have anyone close to her, but Narcissa did not allow her to have another relationship outside of the two of them and therefore was basically destroying potential ones before they even started. Still, it might be different if Bellatrix chose to have actual _friends_ and not… you know, some sleazy ho that liked to lick her cunt every now and then, or worse, someone who actually fell in love with her, just as Gwendolyn once had.

And of course it wasn’t _fair;_ it never had been and Narcissa knew that and despite knowing that the restrictions she put on her sister wasn’t right, she did not plan to redact them, because she feared it would break her heart to watch Bellatrix be with someone else. Narcissa wasn’t mentally stable right now anyway; she was so very far from it, and therefore the only compromise she could come up with was allowing Bellatrix to spend time with someone she considered a friend, just as she did in regards to Cassandra.

Problem was, as far as she knew, Bellatrix didn’t _have_ any friends, so how was she supposed to allow something that didn’t exist in the first place? 

“What do you do?” Narcissa asked the next day, looking across the patio table at her sister, who had an irritated look plastered over her face as she picked idly at her nails. “When I’m not around, when you’re not around… _him._ Do you… have hobbies? Friends?”

“Now you suddenly care about my life?” Bellatrix deadpanned without even sparing her youngest sister a glance. “Wow. It only fucking took you twenty some-odd years.” Those words actually gutted Narcissa, because she honestly hadn’t thought of what her having to ask that kind of question even _meant_ until Bellatrix had responded. Was she honestly that self-centered? And maybe she always knew she was, but this was the first time that it actually physically disgusted her, and Narcissa’s stomach turned uncomfortably in her gut.

“Regardless, I don’t know why you’re even sitting here asking me stupid questions when you and I both know you only came here to yell at me about that utter twat, so let’s just get on with it and skip the pleasantries, shall we?” Bellatrix continued, finally glancing up at the woman across from her. She didn’t look very happy. “I don’t have all bloody day, nor an endless supply of wine for you to procrastinate with.”

Narcissa immediately put down her glass of wine, a sour look on her face for being called out like that. Yes, perhaps she had asked her sister for a beverage in order to stall a moment as she tried to figure out how to approach the situation, but that was so they didn’t end up in some screaming argument as per usual. They needed to… God, they just needed to try to stop _doing_ that, because quite honesty it wasn’t getting either of them anywhere. 

“I’m sorry I’ve never asked before,” Narcissa responded softly, the guilt evident in her tone. “But you haven’t exactly been forthcoming about your life either, and while I know I specifically asked to not hear about some aspects, that didn’t mean that I never wanted to hear anything at all.”

“I’m sure,” Bellatrix responded flatly, apparently not caring in the slightest that her sister was suddenly trying to get to know her a little better. Perhaps though, it was just too little too late at this point. Bellatrix chuckled low under her breath then though, this bitter little sound that made Narcissa’s stomach lurch harshly in her gut. “Don’t pretend like you suddenly care for no other reason than you’d like to know more about me, because you and I both know that you only take an interest in something if it somehow serves you in the end. So explain to me this, Cissy; how does me having a hobby, or me having friends serve _you?_ ”

Narcissa’s words died in the back of her throat. She had no idea how to respond to something so… so incredibly spot on that it felt as though it stripped her raw. The shame Narcissa had begun to feel started to grow more unbearable, and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“Oh, I get it,” Bellatrix said after a moment, having put together the pieces. “You seem to think that if _you_ allow me to have these hypothetical friends that you’re hoping even exist, then I should allow you to have the same. Am I right?” Narcissa said nothing, and that was enough of an answer for Bellatrix who outwardly scoffed. “Figures.”

“Look, I don’t… I don’t know what to do or say to you anymore, Bellatrix,” Narcissa tried, sounding so completely frustrated and helpless. This conversation was making her feel worse than she had when she first came here, but they needed to do this, no matter how many harsh truths Bellatrix slapped her in the face with. “Not about her. We have the same arguments and nothing changes; it’s exhausting me. And the most fucked up part of it all is that you’re just… God, you’re so bloody _awful_ to her, and yet she was the only person to straight up tell me that I’m not doing right by you. She doesn’t just automatically take my side you know, and regardless of what you think of her, I think I need someone like that in my life right now; someone who’s honest with me and isn’t afraid to tell me that I fucked up.”

“I bloody tell you that you fuck up all the time; this isn’t something _new_ ,” Bellatrix practically snapped at her, not accepting that as a reason. “And how on earth have you been ‘doing me wrong’? You haven’t done shit to me in ages, so that big-tittied bimbo clearly doesn’t know what the hell she’s even—!”

“I haven’t apologized,” Narcissa interrupted, which at least caused Bellatrix to stop mid-sentence as she looked at her in surprise. Was an apology from her so far-fetched that her sister had to look at her like that when she merely mentioned it? That certainly didn’t make Narcissa feel any better about herself, but she pushed on regardless and swallowed heavily. “About… about all the—the _awful_ things that I said to you that night; I haven’t—”

“Cissy, it doesn’t matter…” Bellatrix began, and now it was her turn to shift uncomfortably in her seat, avoiding eye contact. She obviously did not want to be reminded of those things, as anything that devastated her emotionally made Bellatrix feel as though she was weak for even letting those things affect her in the first place.

“It _does,_ ” Narcissa stressed, her chest tightening as she looked across the table at her sister. Bellatrix still wouldn’t catch her gaze though, and in an effort to make her really pay attention and understand the depth of her regret, Narcissa rose from her chair and came around to the other side of the table. 

“Bella…” The blonde straddled her waist then, not allowing Bellatrix to just ignore this, and cupped her face in her palms to force her sister to look her in the eyes. “Bella, it _does._ I blamed you for my mistake, for my decision, and that wasn’t right. I told you that you were dead to me, I threatened to… to tell Lucius that you…” Narcissa’s voice broke in her throat then though, her eyes misting up with tears. She threatened to tell her husband that her sister had raped her, and that was _awful._ “God, I’m sorry, Bella; I’m so, _so_ sorry…”

“Cissy, stop,” Bellatrix demanded, trying to pull her face away from her sister’s grip. This was clearly making her uncomfortable, but it needed to be said, didn’t it? Narcissa didn’t want to make Bellatrix feel awkward about this, but she also didn’t want her sister thinking that she didn’t regret all those things that she said, or worse, that she thought she had been _right_ when she had said it. “You know I sodding hate words; they’re meaningless shits that have no bearing at all on the truth, and you’ve already shown me that you’re—”

Sorry? No, she hadn’t. Not enough; not yet. If she had to physically show Bellatrix how she felt in order to earn her forgiveness, then she hadn’t done nearly enough yet in order to warrant it. 

So Narcissa grabbed her sister’s face in her hands once more and kissed her, drowning in the feeling of her lips against Bellatrix’s. The brunette’s lips parted instinctually and as Narcissa slipped her tongue into her sister’s mouth, she felt firm hands cup her arse as Bellatrix brought her impossibly closer to her. “I’m sorry…” Narcissa breathed, her teeth gently nipping at her sister’s bottom lip, her cheek, her jawline. The pads of her fingers caressed Bellatrix’s skin as she breathed her regret across the shell of her ear, causing the woman beneath her to shiver slightly. “You are what gives me _life,_ gives me meaning… you didn’t deserve anything that I said to you, Bella. I’m so sorry…”

“Show me,” Bellatrix breathed, still not after the show of vocal regret that Narcissa felt she needed to do. The older woman placed a hand on her shoulder, coaxing Narcissa down to the ground as she spread her thighs on either side of her face. “If you’re so bloody concerned that you haven’t properly expressed your apology to me yet, then do it right now. Right here.”

Narcissa’s brow rose, the light breeze causing her platinum hair to dance around her shoulders. They had never done anything _outside_ before, despite the fact that Bellatrix’s property was not only fenced in, but rather out of the way from other settlements. Still, that wasn’t what concerned her at the moment. “Rodolphus?” she asked, although did settle herself on her knees between her sister’s thighs as she looked up at her. She had to bend forwards a little so that the patio table didn’t hit the top of her head, but Narcissa tried not to let that bother her. “Is he home?”

Bellatrix’s eyebrow arched as she shrugged nonchalantly. “Does that matter?” she asked pointedly, her fingers fisting in the fabric of her robes before she began to pull them upwards, giving Narcissa a perfect view of her knickers.

The blonde’s heart began to beat a little faster, feeling as though she was simultaneously being tested and punished at the same time, but perhaps that’s what she deserved after what she had done. So she swallowed hard, hoped Bellatrix would never want to do something like this if there was a possibility that her husband could walk in on them, and shook her head. “No,” she breathed softly, running her hands up her sister’s thighs to hook her underwear under her thumbs. “It doesn’t matter.”

Narcissa removed the other woman’s undergarments slowly, still feeling a little nervous about doing this out here. When they were carelessly thrown on the ground though and Bellatrix lifted her legs, planting her feet on the edge of the patio table on either side of Narcissa’s head, the blonde could see nothing but her sister’s beautiful cunt and found that suddenly nothing else in that moment even mattered anymore.

“There’s better ways to apologize with your mouth, love,” Bellatrix breathed, running her fingers teasingly over the apex of her thighs as her sister watched intently from her spot on the ground. Her middle and forefinger parted then, opening her up to her sister’s hungry gaze with one hand as the other fisted in a mess of blonde hair. “So show me how sorry you really are, yeah?”

There were some days that Narcissa wished that Bellatrix could understand more than just physicality; to be able to connect emotionally without touch, as sometimes Narcissa worried that it cheapened it in some way, or that it shouldn’t be taken seriously because sex wasn’t ‘real enough’ in regards to an emotional expression. People fucked people all the time after all, for every or no reason at all. In the end though, there was no changing who Bellatrix was nor how she felt things, and so Narcissa sought to apologize to her in the only way her sister would ever understand.

Bellatrix groaned softly at the first touch of her sister’s mouth against her aching center, her fingers fisting tighter in Narcissa’s hair as she held her in place between her thighs. Bellatrix had always tasted like desire and sin; a combination that Narcissa couldn’t seem to get enough of. It made her feel dangerous, unrestrained, even free; and eventually Narcissa found that when you’ve lived most of your life in a box, inevitably you will begin to crave the only escape you can find. 

Because when Narcissa was a girl, she felt suffocated; suffocated by her mother’s expectations, by her own mental illness, and by the pressure to be who she thought she should be. Bellatrix ripped her from all of that though; gave her a reprieve from the real world that Narcissa found herself drowning in and now, every time she was with her again, every time she _tasted_ her again, her sense memory overwhelmed her and Narcissa felt just as she did when she was a girl, and she _immersed_ herself in it completely.

“Fuck,” Bellatrix panted, feeling her sister’s fingertips dig into her thighs as she forcefully parted them even further. Narcissa’s mouth completely covered her labia and she sucked hard, knowing her sister liked it a little rougher than most. The woman beneath her bucked her hips in need, her fingers tightening almost painfully in blonde hair as she demanded breathlessly, “Fuck, _yes_ , just like that, love…”

Narcissa’s teeth scraped agonizingly over the other woman’s clit before she bit down gently at first, then harder as she made Bellatrix cry out loudly in pleasure. And God, she really did hope that Rodolphus wasn’t home, that her sister wasn’t this foolish, because the decibel of her moans were starting to rise and all the damn windows of her house were open to let in the warm spring breeze. Normally she knew Bellatrix would never risk it, but revenge was something her sister knew better than forgiveness, and suddenly Narcissa was a little paranoid that she had completely misread the situation because humiliating her certainly wouldn’t be above Bellatrix’s skewed moral code. 

And it certainly seemed a little like she was putting on some kind of show, because Bellatrix was _never_ this loud.

“Shhh…” Narcissa tried, her heart beating a little erratically in her chest as she briefly came up for air. She didn’t know what she’d do if they were caught, and the thought frightened her. But she had broken her sister’s heart, brought it up and continued to push even when Bellatrix explicitly told her not to, and the worst part was that she knew exactly how the other woman’s mind worked, and if Narcissa wanted so desperately to be ‘even’, then perhaps revenge was how Bellatrix planned to give it to her. 

Still, she prayed she was wrong.

“I didn’t tell you to stop,” Bellatrix responded, her breathing erratic as she forcefully pushed her sister’s head down between her thighs again. “I want to come all over your sodding face, Cissy, and if you want me to forgive you then you’re going to make that happen. Now _fuck me!_ ” she demanded loudly, causing Narcissa’s cheeks to flush a deep red as her paranoia seeded deeper in her mind. Still, she did exactly as she was told and flicked her tongue teasingly across her sister’s clit before sucking hard once more, coaxing a deep moan to escape Bellatrix’s painted lips as her head lolled back and to the side.

And the longer it went on, the more Narcissa’s paranoia began to sate, because surely if Rodolphus was home he would have heard her by now, right? And yet it was right after that singular thought that the world around her shattered as she heard the screen door being forcefully shoved open with the yelled exclamation of, “Do neither of you have any bloody fucking _decency?!_ ”

Narcissa immediately tried to pull herself out from between her sister’s thighs, but Bellatrix’s hand clasped onto her shoulder, fingernails digging painfully into her skin as she forced her to stay exactly where she was. Narcissa felt like something inside of had just died as the humiliation began to seed deeply within her, but Bellatrix was seemingly ready for the interruption and grabbed her wand off the patio table, hurling a nonverbal _petrificus totalus_ spell at him that left Rodolphus rigid and frozen in place before he could even utter another word. 

“Finish,” Bellatrix demanded then, looking down at the wide-eyed woman situated on the ground between her thighs. Surely she couldn’t honestly mean for her to do this while Rodolphus was standing right there, did she? That was… that was _beyond…_

“Bella, please,” Narcissa begged softly, her eyes welling up with tears at the position her sister’s husband had found them in; she was utterly humiliated but even more than that, she felt betrayed because Bellatrix _wanted_ this to happen. This hadn’t been about forgiveness at all; it had been about revenge and the worst part was that Narcissa just walked right into it willingly. “You’ve made your point, alright? We’re even, just let it go…”

Bellatrix snatched her wrist in her hand though as Narcissa tried to gently push herself away from her to stand, not allowing her to move an inch. “We’re nowhere _near_ even,” Bellatrix hissed as she got right up in her sister’s face, this anger and devastation mapping the lines of her expression. Her voice was low, almost inaudible so Rodolphus wouldn’t be able to hear from his position at the back door, but Narcissa heard her words as though they were screams that shredded her apart inside. “You have no idea what you did to me, Cissy; you have no _fucking_ idea how it felt after you said those things to me, after you _banished_ me from your life. I never wanted to think of those things again, I never wanted to acknowledge that day as being real because when I’m reminded that it was I can’t sodding _breathe_ it hurts so fucking badly.”

A tear slipped down Narcissa’s cheek then and she turned her head so that Rodolphus couldn’t see her cry. She had known what she had done was awful, but it never really hit her how bad it really _was_ until Bellatrix said those things to her; Narcissa had been so wrapped up in fearing that she was a bad person for not apologizing that she didn’t even seem to realize that she was a terrible person just for _doing_ something like that to her in the first place. In the end, even her apology had more to do with _her_ than it had to do with Bellatrix, and the realization nearly crippled Narcissa because it made her wonder how her sister could even stand being with her if all she could ever see was her own side of the relationship.

“Even?” Bellatrix repeated with a bitter laugh. “ _Even,_ love, would be me breaking your heart in such a way that you fear you’ll never see it repaired. _Even_ would be making you feel as worthless and alone and as _guilty_ as I felt. You’re bloody fucking _lucky_ I’m not making us even, Narcissa, despite how badly you seemed to want such a thing after I told you to fucking stop.”

“I’m sorry,” Narcissa breathed sadly, wiping the tears from her eyes as she kept her gaze downcast. She couldn’t even bear to look at her in that moment. “I’m sorry, I should have listened to you.” Because she had seen that bringing it up was making Bellatrix uncomfortable, hadn’t she? And yet she pushed.

She always had to fucking _push._

Bellatrix was silent for a moment as she looked down at the crying mess between her legs before she exhaled a loud and frustrated sigh, pushing the chair back from the table with an agonizing scrape against the pavement. “Fuck it, I’m not doing this,” she told her, clearly agitated. “You’ll only get pity from him if I force you to fuck me while you’re crying, and I’m not getting painted out as that bloody rapist you like to threaten to tell people I am whenever things go to shit.”

“Bella…” Narcissa tried, those words cutting her even deeper because she hadn’t meant them, she _hadn’t!_ She scrambled to get off of the ground, but Bellatrix was already walking away from her in a huff. “Bella, please, you have to believe I never meant those things I said; I would _never!_ I love you, you are _everything—_ Bella, please don’t walk away from me right now…!”

“Fuck off, Narcissa; I’m not in the mood for this anymore,” Bellatrix snapped as she furiously pushed past a frozen Rodolphus, nearly knocking him straight over. She still hadn’t bothered to lift the curse from him, and probably wasn’t planning to for a long time seeing as it was doubtful Bellatrix could handle _both_ of them right now. “Just go home.”

“No!” Narcissa begged, running after her until she stopped right in front of an immobilized Rodolphus, her breathing erratic and shallow as she debated doing something so incredibly stupid in order to make this right. She couldn’t bear for things to fall apart between them again. “Bellatrix, _stop!_ ”

And maybe it was the way she shrieked that, or the clear desperation in her tone that begged to not be ignored, but Bellatrix actually stopped dead in her tracks. “…Look at me,” Narcissa begged, her voice wavering with nerves as she glanced at the frozen man in front of her. God, she couldn't even believe that she was contemplating this, but she had to do _something._ They were good, they were finally _good,_ and Narcissa was not going to let herself ruin that just because of her unfortunate desire to always be so fucking selfish. 

Bellatrix ran her tongue over her teeth in a gesture of irritation before she finally exhaled an impatient sigh and turned on her heel, looking at her expectantly when all she was greeted with was silence. Her hands went to her hips and her brow rose as she awaited her sister’s response, but it wasn’t words that Narcissa planned to give her just then. 

Instead, Narcissa’s trembling fingers began slowly unclasping her robes, allowing them to pool on the ground at her feet. Bellatrix’s eyebrows knitted in confusion, not understanding what it was that her sister was doing; at least, that was until Narcissa began unbuttoning her blouse… right in front of Rodolphus.

“Cissy, no!” Bellatrix exclaimed with widened eyes, immediately rushing over to her in order to forcefully cover her from her husband’s gaze. “Jesus, what the fuck—?”

“If you need to humiliate me then just do it,” Narcissa begged her, still trying to open up her shirt that Bellatrix was forcing closed in an iron grip. She knew this was madness, begging for something like this, but she just couldn’t deal with Bellatrix being furious with her right now. “I don't care, I'll fuck you in front of him, I just don't want us to fight about this, please…!”

“That prick will never see your body, Cissy, that is _mine,_ ” Bellatrix responded fiercely, buttoning up her sister's shirt once she had successfully shoved the blonde’s hands away from her own garment. “What I just did was… Jesus, it was fucking thoughtless and petty, alright? But you pissed me off. I don’t want to get revenge on you for what you did and said to me, Cissy, I don’t want to sodding acknowledge that that day even existed at _all._ So just stop fucking apologizing to me, alright? I don’t want to hear it.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, but looked down at the floor and nodded her understanding. She knew she should have listened to her sister when she asked her to stop; she just had never been good at respecting people’s wishes if they contradicted with her own. She really needed to work on that though, because she just didn’t… Narcissa just didn’t want to be that type of person anymore. It made her look and feel horrible.

“After the funeral…” Bellatrix began, her voice much softer now as she rested her forehead against her sister’s and gently smoothed out the wrinkles in her blouse. Narcissa’s stomach lurched at the thought of it, hoping she would be able to handle not completely falling to pieces when it happened, and she swallowed hard. “After the funeral, I don’t want to ever talk about this shit again, do you hear me? I don’t want it to be real, so don’t fucking make it real for me, Cissy. That is not a request.”

Narcissa inhaled a shaky breath as she realized her sister’s coping mechanisms were just as unstable as her own, but nodded her head regardless. In the end, she wanted to make things easier on her sister; she deserved the peace of mind, after all, after what Narcissa had unrightfully blamed her for. And maybe that was a ridiculous way of looking at it, considering Bellatrix _did_ still hold some of the blame for what had happened, but Narcissa had always been one extreme or the other and until her therapy began helping her find a balance, this was the way things were going to be.

Because if nothing else, Narcissa found comfort in the routine. 

**TBC…**


	22. XXII. Summer 1978

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how long it took for me to get this chapter out. I won’t lie to you guys though and tell you I’ll try to get back on track, as Legion (the next WoW expansion) is coming out at the end of this month. So updates will probably be sporadic through then because I have video game issues, lol, but I’ll try to do my best.

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO  
Summer 1978**

The funeral wasn't as difficult as Narcissa feared it would be.

Only Bellatrix and Lucius accompanied her, and while Narcissa was certain her husband would have preferred for her to find comfort in him during this difficult time, the entire time she was clutching onto her sister's arm, head resting on the brunette's shoulder as she tried not to cry. It was their child after all, and despite Bellatrix's emotional detachment from it all, Narcissa needed her to be by her side during all of this. Thankfully Lucius said nothing about it, but she was sure that it was only because he knew now was definitely not the time.

Bellatrix had a small headstone made with only the year 1977 engraved on it with intricate flower patterns. It wasn't a lot but it was enough, and Narcissa had gently kissed her on the cheek and thanked her for the gesture with tears in her eyes when she had seen it. They didn't fall though until Bellatrix did her eulogy, which was just a reading as Narcissa knew that anything personal said about what had happened wouldn't be able to be said in front of Lucius. Still, the gesture and the finality of it all made her cry, and as she buried her face in her sister's neck, Bellatrix wrapped a protective hand around her head and told her for the last time that she was sorry for her loss.

Afterwards, Narcissa got drunk. Which was probably in no way the healthy response to loss, but it was better than self-destructing in a more severe way. She drank two bottles of wine by herself and when she ended up puking into the toilet hours later, Lucius held her hair. He didn't reprimand her for it though, knowing she was just going through a difficult time. Besides, he knew it could've been a whole lot worse.

When she awoke though, it wasn't Lucius by her side but Bellatrix. Narcissa squinted, the bright sunlight streaming through her bedroom window making her head feel as though it was splitting in half. She groaned, covering her head with her blankets. “Turn off the sun,” she begged her sister, who merely smirked before getting up to close the drapes.

“Feeling chipper this morning I see.”

“What are you even… where’s Lucius?” Narcissa asked as she pulled the covers off of her head, praying for this pain in her temples to pass. She felt nauseous and Narcissa had to close her eyes again so she didn't feel like she was going to throw up.

“He had to work early; asked me to look after you in case you woke up all… well, like you,” Bellatrix answered, which didn't make any kind of sense to Narcissa in the slightest. Well, the last part of that anyhow.

“What do you mean, 'like me’?”

“You know,” Bellatrix began, sitting next to her on the bed. Her voice was rather flippant as she smoothed her sister’s hair back from her forehead and explained, “Self-destructive. Dramatically self-loathing. Whatever it is you do to punish yourself for your mistakes.”

Narcissa's expression hardened at that and she rolled her neck in order to get away from her sister’s hand. She felt like Bellatrix was patronizing her or something; just _petting_ her while she said those things. “I'm on medication now,” Narcissa said in her own defense, like it was some kind of magic fix-it that they both knew it wasn't.

“And yet you self-medicated anyway with, what was it, two bottles of wine?” Bellatrix answered with a knowing tone. Narcissa glowered, slouching further against the pillows as she folded her arms in front of her chest. She really hated being reprimanded for things like this; she already knew it was stupid, her bloody headache was a testament to that. Repeating it just felt a bit like overkill, and that was irritating Narcissa. “You might be a little more stable, Cissy, but your coping mechanisms are still shit.”

“Oh, like you're one to talk, Ms. Let's-Pretend-Nothing-Terrible-That-Happened-Ever-Existed-In-The-First-Place,” Narcissa responded bitterly. Bellatrix shot her a dirty look at that, but Narcissa was barely paying attention; she felt way too horrible right then. Her fingertips rubbed her temples as she winced, feeling the pounding worsen substantially. “God, just… _please_ tell me you made a hangover potion. You know I'm rubbish at doing it myself and… I am _so_ desperate for it right now.”

“Oh yeah?” Bellatrix asked with a little vindictive smirk, obviously still sore about the comment Narcissa had made about her own coping mechanisms. “How desperate?”

“Not desperate enough to give you sexual favors, that's for sure,” Narcissa deadpanned, opening her eyes in order to shoot her sister a look that clearly stated, ‘you must be kidding me with this’. “Knowing you, you might have someone watching.”

The brunette rolled her eyes. “You deserved that.”

“Maybe, but it was still fucked up.”

Bellatrix exhaled a frustrated breath, obviously not too keen on apologizing for her own mistakes in that moment. Still, she did with a half-genuine and impatient sounding, “Fine, I'm sorry, okay? Just be thankful you weren't around to see Rodolphus’ hard on when I unfroze him.”

“Oh, _ew!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed in horror, her eyes growing wide and mouth dropping open in shock. He was really turned on by what they were doing with one another? He condemned them for it! Loudly and blatantly, in fact. God, what a filthy hypocrite. 

Bellatrix however just laughed, apparently finding amusement in the whole situation. “It was hilarious, honestly. I mean, you just _know_ he hates himself for his body’s reaction since morally he thinks it's wrong, so at least I'm able to hold it over his head that he's just as much of a sick bastard as we are.”

“I'm so happy for you,” Narcissa deadpanned, finding Bellatrix’s small joys in life to be utterly ridiculous. Regardless though, she had more important things to deal with in that moment. “Now are you going to give me that potion or not? Because my head feels like it's splitting in half.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bellatrix dismissed with another small eye roll, rising from the bed. She opened the bedside table drawer and tossed the vial to her, apparently having hid it for whatever reason; probably too see what she could get out of it. Narcissa didn't call her on that though, she just popped the cork and poured the liquid down her throat, ignoring the vile taste as she closed her eyes and let the effects wash over her. It was fairly instantaneous.

“So I know this is probably shit timing,” Bellatrix began, taking a seat next to her once more. “But Aunt Walburga is having a graduation party for Regulus next weekend. I said you'd be attending.”

Narcissa practically choked on her own breath. “You did _what?_ ”

You can't hide yourself away forever, Cissy,” Bellatrix rationalized, which was the most annoying part because it was true. “Besides, it'll be hilarious watching the cow try to overshadow the fact that her first son is a Muggle-loving traitor by raving about Regulus' accomplishments until she's blue in the fucking face.”

Narcissa sighed heavily, rubbing her temples with her fingertips. She wasn’t expecting this to be sprung on her this fast and to be honest it overwhelmed her a bit. “I don't even… what am I even supposed to tell people? About where I've been?”

“I don't know, just fucking tell people you had cancer or something,” was Bellatrix’s less than brilliant contribution to _that_ plan. Honestly, why Narcissa even bothered asking for help, she wasn’t even sure sometimes.

Therefore, Narcissa just stared at her like she had to be joking. “Did you pay _any_ attention in school?”

“Did _you?_ ” Bellatrix countered, like Narcissa was the one being stupid right now. Bellatrix always thought she was right though, even when she was blatantly wrong; it was just in her nature. “Wizards get that shit too. It's rare or whatever, but—”

“That's because only Muggle-Borns or Half-Bloods can get it!” Narcissa exclaimed, looking at her sister like she was insane for even having suggested something like that. “Our blood makes us immune, and because of our magic it takes a really serious case to infect someone who is already susceptible because of their dirty heritage. So unless you'd like for my reputation to be _completely_ ruined, we will not be telling people that, thank you.”

Bellatrix sighed heavily, running a frustrated hand through her unruly curls. “I don't know then… Dragon Pox?” she asked with a hapless shrug. She truly was _zero_ help in this situation, it seemed.

Narcissa’s gaze leveled. “Do I _look_ green to you? That shit’s permanent, Bella!”

“Oh my god, just _pick_ something,” Bellatrix responded, clearly far past exasperated at this point. “Obviously I didn't pay that much attention in Healing so I guess that means you're on your own.”

Narcissa exhaled a frustrated sound as she fell back against her pillows and put the heels of her palms over her eyes. “God, I didn’t want to _do_ this right now!” she whined, knowing that she sounded like a petulant child in that moment but not really caring that much. She just… hadn’t expected she would have to present herself to the world again this soon and she didn’t feel as though she was ready.

“Well, that’s life,” Bellatrix responded uncaringly, as per usual. She didn’t understand the stress of being a socialite though, because she had never really cared much how the public saw her.

“You’re an arse,” Narcissa responded before exhaling another heavy sigh. She moved her hands and her arms hit the mattress beneath her heavily as she stared up at the ceiling, trying to come up with a viable solution. After shaking her head in a momentary defeat though, Narcissa’s hand shot out to wrap around her sister’s arm. “Come here,” she coaxed, gently pulling at her.

Bellatrix looked at her like she had three heads. “What? _Why?_ ” 

“Because I want you to just lie here with me for a moment, you oblivious twit,” Narcissa responded, now just as exasperated with her sister as Bellatrix was with her. “I’m stressed out and despite your utter failure at giving me something I can work with, you still seem to give me some semblance of comfort. So lie down.”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes at that of course, but did comply without complaint.

Narcissa didn’t exactly snuggle up to her as she knew Bellatrix did have this weird thing about ‘space’ sometimes, but she did allow her head to rest comfortably on her sister’s stomach as she lied perpendicular across the bed. Bellatrix’s fingers weaved through her hair almost automatically and Narcissa closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling and simplicity of the moment. 

“Spattergroit?” Bellatrix suggested after a long moment’s silence. Narcissa wrinkled her nose, not at all fond of the actual ailments involved with that. _Blisters?_ Please. Besides, they more often than not left the patient’s face scarred.

“Much too disgusting,” she dismissed, causing Bellatrix to lightly roll her eyes at her sister’s pickiness. She had to be though; if Narcissa chose a disease that was much too gross to even speak about, people would judge her just for _getting_ something like that.

“Mumblemumps?”

“Only happens during adolescence.”

Bellatrix narrowed her eyes a little at her, almost as though she was seeing her for the first time. “…What?” Narcissa asked once she had caught her eye, feeling a little strange because of the way Bellatrix was looking at her.

“I thought you were rubbish in school,” Bellatrix responded, her voice holding almost a suspicious tone to it as her hand stilled in the mess of blonde locks that was strewn out across her abdomen. Narcissa’s eyebrows rose, a little confused by her sister’s reaction to her right then.

“I was? In case you don’t remember, I only managed to get into two N.E.W.T. classes and ended up _failing_ one of them.”

“You never told me that,” Bellatrix replied and oh, maybe she hadn’t. They weren’t exactly… _together_ back then, and they could rarely be around each other anyway due to the threat of the Dark Lord knowing about the true nature of their relationship. Narcissa’s seventh year was filled with nothing else but wedding planning and Occlumency lessons which, outside of that one time in that abandoned house, were completely goal-oriented. Come to think of it, the only time Narcissa ever mentioned her studies and her fear of failing was when she freaked out over Bellatrix dumping that damned Christmas party in her lap on top of her twelve hundred other responsibilities.

“Regardless, I don’t really see why it matters,” Narcissa responded, shrugging as she picked at her own nails. School was a subject she was fairly unperturbed about, especially now that it was over. “Education was useless for me; I wasn’t bred to do much else than be a housewife. In the end, what I passed or didn’t pass was irrelevant so long as I actually managed to graduate, which I did.”

“Because if you’re actually decent in Healing, Cissy; you might be far more useful than you ever thought you’d be.”

Narcissa turned her head sharply, shooting her sister a look of warning because she knew _exactly_ where Bellatrix’s mind had gone. “Don’t even ask me, Bella. Don’t you dare.”

“Why not? You could actually be a _part_ of this, Narcissa; and we could really use—”

“If you honestly fucking think for one second that I want to be part of something that caused the death of my _child,_ then you have another sodding thing coming,” Narcissa snapped, infuriated that Bellatrix would even suggest such a thing. Bellatrix however, of course got irritated in turn over the response she was given due to the delicate subject matter.

“I thought I told you not to talk about that anymore!”

“Then don’t ask me stupid fucking questions and perhaps I won’t have to bring it up,” Narcissa responded, her tone tense and defensive before she locked her jaw and inhaled a deep breath through her nose, trying to calm herself down. It wouldn’t do to fight right now; not on top of everything else she needed to figure out how to deal with. After a moment though Narcissa just lightly rolled her eyes, settling back on her sister’s abdomen as she continued, “Besides… terminology and definition are vastly different than practice. My charms are decent enough, but you know how rubbish I am in potions, and that does make up a large percentage of remedies.”

Not only that though, but Narcissa was not at all comfortable with having another’s life in her hands. She didn’t trust herself to have that much responsibility, nor did she believe others should trust her with it either. In the end, she might be a thoroughbred pureblood, but she was an _awful_ witch; magic had never interested her as much as social politics did, which was blatantly apparent in the grades she received during her time at Hogwarts.

“I didn’t go to school to be a Healer, Bella, so don’t expect me to suddenly become one,” Narcissa reminded her, not wanting her sister to have unrealistic expectations of her. “Not only am I not as good as you seem to think I am, but even if I was, I would expect that you’d know me well enough to assume that I’d tell you to shove that offer up your arse; especially after everything that happened recently.”

Bellatrix exhaled a heavy sigh, almost as though she was mentally preparing to explain something very basic to the likes of a simpleton. “Cissy, I understand why you might feel that way, but you really need to look at the bigger picture—”

“Fuck your ‘bigger picture’,” Narcissa interrupted, scoffing at the audacity Bellatrix had. “And don’t you dare ask me a second time. This conversation is over.” 

Bellatrix pursed her lips in annoyance, but did not argue with her; in the end, she seemed to realize that there was no point to it. While Narcissa understood the benefits of the Death Eaters having private Healers during the brutal war that they had now raged across the countryside, she had no desire to become one of them. Not only was she vastly underqualified, but she would rather die than help the man who had stolen her child from her.

And if Bellatrix really didn’t understand why, then she was dumber than Narcissa thought.

Silence enveloped the room again, the blonde absent-mindedly chewing on the inside of her cheek while she attempted to run through the list of medical ailments that she knew of. In the end though, she couldn’t really concentrate on that, because she kept coming back to something else entirely.

It had been years since she had seen Regulus, and even more since they had spoken. They had been close when they were children, but when Regulus came to Hogwarts he had his own set of friends and his own life and, to be quite honest, Narcissa had been much too wrapped up in herself to really give him the time of day. And although the distance between them as they grew up was only natural, the thing that really bothered Narcissa then was that she should have been there for him when Sirius had run away, yet when she had heard she didn’t so much send him a letter of condolence.

Narcissa might not have liked Sirius, but she knew Regulus and him were once very close; and considering most of her family was so ready to write off anyone ‘traitorous’ at the drop of a hat, Narcissa knew that no one would have bothered to acknowledge the pain that Regulus must have felt over the loss of his brother. And the sad part was, Narcissa had known that kind of pain all too well; she had felt the very same way when Andromeda had left, and yet at the time when she heard about Sirius she was so utterly wrapped up in her own life that she barely gave her youngest cousin any thought.

Now, however, she was giving him thought.

Perhaps it was too little too late in regards to the emotional trauma Sirius’ departure more than likely left him with, but maybe it wasn’t too late when it came to the other thing that Narcissa had remembered Rodolphus mentioning a few years back, because when Bellatrix had said _graduation_ , Narcissa had heard only one thing; that Regulus was finally about to come of age.

And coming of age only meant one thing to purebloods these days.

“…Is he going to be recruited?” Narcissa’s voice was soft, hesitant, and filled with dread at the prospect. Bellatrix, however, didn’t seem to understand where her thought process had jumped to and furrowed her eyes in confusion.

“What? Who?”

“Regulus.”

“…Oh.” Bellatrix paused, glancing down at her sister momentarily as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. Clearly she wasn’t sure how Narcissa was going to take the answer to her question. “Why do you want to know?” Bellatrix asked instead, just trying to get around it.

Narcissa leveled her gaze at her. “You _know_ why.”

Bellatrix exhaled a small sigh, idly twisting her fingers in her sister’s hair. “Cissy, it’s his decision; you need to stop concerning yourself with the affairs of others. Besides, despite what you may think, it’s an honor to be chosen. Regulus knows that.”

Narcissa let out a disbelieving scoff at that, pushing herself off of her sister’s torso so she could sit upright as she shook her head in disgust. “Bella, he’s just barely more than a _child;_ how can you actually condone—”

“He’s the same age Lucius and I were when we were recruited,” Bellatrix pointedly interrupted, which honestly still meant nothing given the circumstances. The fact of the matter was that it was now a _lot_ more dangerous to be a Death Eater than it used to be; it was like throwing a fish into a shark tank and hoping it that it wouldn’t get eaten. It was asinine; Regulus didn’t have any _training!_

“Yes, but we weren’t in the middle of a _war_ then!”

“He’s not going to be thrown on the front lines, Cissy; have some sense,” Bellatrix chided, as though her concerns were completely unwarranted. She sounded exasperated with the fact that she even had to _explain_ this, but it wasn’t as though Narcissa knew the ins and outs of Voldemort’s plans. “Despite what you may believe, the Dark Lord doesn’t care to get us all _slaughtered._ If we wish to win this war then we have to be strategic, and putting people who are barely out of Hogwarts in the forefront of this war isn’t exactly conducive to that. Stop worrying, yeah? You’ll get wrinkle lines, if you haven’t already. Although come to think of it, that might be one _right—_ ”

But Bellatrix didn’t get to finish her overdramatic pointing out of her sister’s imperfections. Narcissa’s eyes widened, her fingers automatically going to the creases of her eyes as she shot away from Bellatrix’s touch. “What? I don’t have— _Bella!_ ” she exclaimed angrily, slapping her sister’s thigh before she nearly bolted off the bed to get to her vanity mirror. Bellatrix started laughing as she watched her sister check her reflection.

“Jesus, it was a _joke._ ”

“Fuck you, it’s not funny,” Narcissa snapped, obsessively checking the elasticity of her skin. “I already have a disaster of stretch marks on my abdomen; the last bloody thing I need right now are _wrinkles,_ okay?! I’m too young for all these imperfections; do you even realize what people would _say_ about me if I started getting wrinkles at this age?”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes, never one to care much about what the _public_ thought of her or anyone for that matter. “Christ. God save us all the day you start getting varicose veins,” she muttered beneath her breath, but her words were heard loud and clear.

Narcissa inhaled a rather overdramatic gasp as she whipped around to face her. “Don’t you even _joke_ about that.” 

“If I even say the word ‘cellulite’ right now, will your head actually combust, or…?”

“Stop it!” Narcissa exclaimed, now having yet another thing to be irrationally worried about as she hiked up her dressing gown to see her thighs in the mirror, just double checking that she didn’t get something as awful as that overnight. Thankfully however her skin was still relatively smooth, and she exhaled a relieved breath at the sight. 

Bellatrix smirked. “Actually, I might say ‘cellulite’ more often if it’s just gonna get you to flash your arse at me all day.”

Narcissa huffed, violently tugging her dressing gown down so her sister didn’t get to reap any benefits from her torment anymore. “You’re a complete wank, do you know that?”

“So I’ve heard,” Bellatrix responded casually, before arching a singular eyebrow in her sister’s direction. “Seriously though, Cissy, you need to fucking relax. I know Mum fucked your self-esteem all to shit, but you’re not going to look like this forever. Best come to terms with that now, because if the next thing I hear is that you’re messing around with appearance altering spells, we’re going to have words. I won’t have you looking all… _plastic._ You saw what an obsession with that shit did to Walburga.”

Narcissa wrinkled her nose. Yes, she very much had. Aunt Walburga had never been an _attractive_ woman by any means, but in her pursuit to finally become something relatively decent to look at, she had gone completely overboard and now barely looked human. Bellatrix liked to compare her to a dinosaur, but Narcissa thought she looked more like a merperson from the Black Lake. Regardless, it wasn’t pretty. Her nose had been reformed so many times that it seemed to kind of collapse in on itself now, and don’t even get Narcissa _started_ on the woman’s jawline.

Which, incidentally, was exactly what Narcissa ended up staring at once she had come face to face with the woman the following weekend. Honestly, Narcissa didn’t know _what_ Walburga was attempting to achieve when she got that last alteration; it looked as though she shaved off half of the shape of her face and now she sort of looked like a deformed bird. Her chin looked… _beakish._ It truly was a disaster, but Narcissa tried to coach herself not to stare at the mess in front of her so she didn’t come off as being rude.

She might hate the woman, but they _were_ guests in her home, after all.

“Scrofungulus?” Walburga attempted to ask casually, yet her instant step backwards and look of utter distaste on her face was not lost on Narcissa. “How… positively _dreadful_.” The blonde watched as her aunt not-so-subtly began checking out her neck, no doubt to see if she was still sick, contagious, or physically marred by the disease at all. After finding nothing, her brows rose a bit as she added, “You must have had a good Healer, to have avoided being unpleasantly marked by the whole ordeal. My sister-in-law told me her great aunt Belvina had been diagnosed with the disease and yet never recovered from the unfortunate side-effects. Neck like a balloon, she had said. Interesting how you seemed to avoid this fate, isn’t it?”

Walburga was looking at Narcissa as though she knew she was lying, but luckily she had seemed to be grossly misinformed. Once Narcissa had decided on what ailment she had been stricken with, she had made every effort to know the ins and outs of the disease, and so her aunt’s suspicions did not bother her. 

“You never saw her yourself though, did you?” Narcissa responded coolly, looking at her aunt as though she already knew the answer to that. Walburga hesitated with her answer and Narcissa continued in a condescending tone, “Of course you didn’t. Such a shame, that you would believe such gossip so willingly; I would have never taken you to be one who was so easily swept up by such foolishness.”

Walburga suddenly looked a little murderous at that comment, and Narcissa had to fight her instinct to smirk in her apparent victory.

“Scrofungulus ceases to exist once the fungus is gone, and so if she still never fully recovered, then she must have died from the disease,” Narcissa went on, causing her aunt’s brow to rise in response. “I’m assuming by your surprised look however, that your sister-in-law never mentioned that though, did she? Regardless of silly rumors however, I am _very_ glad to be back on my feet and healthy again. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss such a grand event, especially since unfortunate circumstances left me with only one cousin. But you mustn’t blame yourself, Aunt Walburga; I’m sure you did the best you could with Sirius. Sometimes though, bad breeding just wills out…”

“ _Do not speak that name in my house!_ ” Walburga practically shrieked, causing a few heads to turn in their direction before the woman seemed to notice she was becoming a little unhinged and pursed her lips, stood up straight, and readjusted her dress robes in an attempt to hold herself together. It took everything Narcissa had inside of her to not laugh at how easily she was causing Walburga to fall apart, but one glance past her aunt caused her to bear witness to Bellatrix barely holding it together as she watched the interaction with increased delight. It was that sight that caused a small smile to peak out, glad that she was amusing her sister at least, before Narcissa quickly rearranged her face into one of false concern.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” she said, gently touching her aunt’s arm in mock-apology. “I understand it must be very straining, especially on someone your age. I wouldn’t want to cause any unnecessary stress, so perhaps it’s best if we speak of more pleasant things.”

Walburga looked as though she wanted nothing more than to flay her niece alive for the grievous comment about her _age_ of all things, especially when she seemed obsessed with trying to appear much younger than she really was. Still, Walburga knew this wasn’t the time nor place, and Narcissa had seemed to rattle her enough that she was ill-equipped with a proper response to cut her back in turn. Therefore, the older woman merely shot her a terse smile and stepped away from her. 

“Unfortunately, I do have other, more _important,_ guests to attend to tonight,” Walburga responded coolly, trying to insult her and yet it honestly just seemed like a pathetic attempt to Narcissa, and therefore it did not sting at all. In fact, it kind of amused her. “Perhaps if I can spare the time I’ll speak with you later, Narcissa, but if I were you, I would not wait around. Excuse me.”

After Walburga left with a little dramatic sweep of her dress robes behind her, Narcissa watched her sister excuse herself from the man she had been speaking to. Her eyes narrowed a little though as she thought she recognized the man, and when Bellatrix approached her Narcissa asked, “Wait… isn’t that the son of the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement? How on earth do you know _him?_ ”

Narcissa had seen him briefly when she had visited Lucius at work a few years ago. He had been very young – perhaps only fourteen or so – and speaking to his father at the time, who Lucius had been waiting to have a meeting with when Narcissa had stopped by to bring him lunch. Therefore, Narcissa could have understood if her _husband_ knew him well enough to socialize with at pureblood gatherings, but her _sister?_ His father was literally the forefront on the war against Voldemort and the Death Eaters. 

Bellatrix, however, just smirked. “How do you think?” she asked in a hushed voice, one eyebrow pointedly quirking in her sister’s direction. Narcissa’s mouth dropped open, knowing exactly what she was implying.

“ _No…_ ” she breathed, completely dumbfounded by the revelation. “That’s…”

“Ironic?” Bellatrix supplied, clearly amused. “Bloody fucking hilarious?”

“…Unexpected,” Narcissa finished, which was such a gross understatement, yet the only word she could find to use at the moment. He was young; he must have just graduated along with Regulus, although perhaps if Bellatrix already knew him well enough to socialize, it may have been the year before, as he was clearly already initiated into the fold. Still, Narcissa was having a hard time wrapping her head around it. His father was so firmly on the other side during this war, so what was it that pushed the boy over to the Dark Lord? Narcissa couldn’t fathom it.

Although, then again, it wasn’t as though she held _all_ of her parent’s ideals either. The basics, sure, but some things still remained very, very different on their moral compasses.

“As you can imagine, his help is rather invaluable,” Bellatrix responded in a hushed tone, her gaze flickering over to the boy in question before landing back on her sister’s profile. A few other guests who had been milling about the party came a little too close to them for comfort then and Bellatrix’s hand delicately touched her sister’s arm to get her attention. “But we’ll speak about that later,” she reminded her, as now definitely wasn’t the time or place, regardless of most everyone in the room supporting Voldemort’s pureblood ideals. In the end though, it still wasn’t safe for any of them to know the extent of their family’s involvement, and so Narcissa glanced up at her and nodded her understanding.

“By the way, the way you took down Walburga was bloody fucking _beautiful,_ ” Bellatrix complimented, changing the subject with a little laugh. Hooking her arm into her sister’s, she guided her over to the refreshment table to get a little more privacy again. “The look on her face was sodding priceless.”

And although Narcissa appreciated the compliment and smiled at her sister’s words, she still felt herself shrugging a little. “I don’t know; I feel like I could have done better.”

“Oh, don’t nitpick, Cissy. You won, that’s all that matters.”

“Perhaps, but I shouldn’t have to resort to using people’s greatest shame. That’s like if people used…” But Narcissa trailed off, not foolish enough to voice something like that out loud in a party full of people. She glanced over at her sister’s whose brow knit a little bit, and Narcissa finished, “It’s just a cheap shot, is all. And I feel like until I can reduce people into a mess _without_ using their trump card, I still have a lot to learn.”

Narcissa hadn’t realized that Bellatrix didn’t understand what she was referring to until she saw the change in her sister’s face once she had. She suddenly looked _grievously_ offended, and Narcissa’s stomach twisted uncomfortably in her gut as she realized she shouldn’t have worded it like that. She should have used secret instead of shame, but in the end it wouldn’t have made her point, as Sirius leaving wasn’t exactly a secret that Walburga sought to bury. She couldn’t, although Narcissa was sure she would have tried if she had had a choice in the matter.

And, to be quite honest, if anyone knew the truth of her relationship with Bellatrix, Narcissa would be ashamed. It didn’t mean that she didn’t love her though; of course she did. She just didn’t know how to pretend something like this was _normal_ when it wasn’t.

“I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized, gently touching her sister’s wrist in apology. “I didn’t mean it like—”

“You meant it _exactly_ like,” Bellatrix responded tersely, stepping away from her sister’s touch with a look on her face that cut Narcissa into pieces. “Whatever, enjoy your silly little game of social politics. I have better things to do than be involved in something so trivial and meaningless though, so if you’ll _excuse me…_ ”

Bellatrix walked away from her then without even sparing her another glance and Narcissa sighed heavily, feeling awful for how she had just hurt her sister. She wasn’t like her though; Narcissa was sure that if the truth came out about their relationship that Bellatrix wouldn’t really care considering she already had permission to indulge in it by the only person whose opinion actually _mattered_ to her, but Narcissa wasn’t strong enough to keep her head held high while people whispered behind her back. Bellatrix knew that, didn’t she? It was why she kept it a secret; for Narcissa’s sake, for her _marriage’s_ sake. So why was she getting so upset with her? It just wasn’t fair.

Feeling as though she needed some air, Narcissa poured herself a fresh glass of wine and headed out onto the back terrace. Despite the summer this year being almost unbearably warm, the nights were always comfortably cool and Narcissa leaned against the bannister, enjoying the fresh air as she looked out at the blackened sky. The stars were beautiful tonight, and as Narcissa’s gaze traced the patterns in the air that reminded her of her family, she mused how strange it was that while the rest of the world fell apart around them, that they could still enjoy parties and everything else that was so decidedly _normal._

It didn’t seem right nor fair, but perhaps it was better this way. Anytime the war hit a little too close to home it would fill Narcissa with anxiety and dread, and she didn’t want to bear the weight of that every single day. She didn’t think she would be able to mentally handle something like that. 

Narcissa turned once she heard the door open behind her, this small commotion with a bunch of teenage girl’s voices who were coaxing someone to stay inside. Her eyes landed on Regulus, who looked a little overwhelmed by the attention as he assured them, “I’ll be back in in a moment, ladies; just give me a second to speak with my cousin about some family matters. It won’t be long.”

Narcissa tried not to chuckle at the scene before her, as she was sure that would come off as rude. Regulus looked thoroughly exasperated though as he closed the door in the faces of a throng of young girls, who looked put out at being trapped on the opposite side of where Regulus was currently residing. “You’ve got quite the fan club,” Narcissa noted with amusement before taking another small sip of her wine, trying to hide her smirk behind her glass. She knew straight off Regulus was just using her as an excuse to get away, but she didn’t mind. She had been meaning to catch up with him anyhow.

“It’s not funny, Cissa; they won’t bloody leave me alone!” Regulus complained with a heavy sigh as he turned away from the gaggle of girls and faced her, pushing his long hair out of his face. “At least in school I had the boy’s dorm to hide in; honestly, I don’t know why my mother had to bloody invite them all. One or two I can handle, but I didn’t sodding want them _all_ here.”

“You’ve grown handsome,” Narcissa told him, taking notice of the defined jaw and well-groomed facial hair that complimented the shape of his head. It had been a few years since she had seen Regulus, and honestly Narcissa was surprised how well he grew into himself. He used to be a little gangly and awkward, but that certainly wasn’t the case anymore. “Of course women are going to notice that.”

“Great,” Regulus responded sarcastically with a roll of his eyes as he leaned against the banister his cousin was up against. “Still not interested.”

Narcissa’s brow rose at that. “In them, or in women in general?” The question was out before she could stop it, because there was a part of her that wondered if perhaps their… unorthodox sexuality was merely a genetic abnormality, but Regulus shot her a look that indicated he knew what she was implying and that he wasn’t happy about it one bit. 

“I’m not a bloody fag, if that’s what you’re asking,” he practically sniped back at her, which caused Narcissa to hold her free hand up in light surrender and apology. Regulus did seem _awfully_ defensive about it though, which did make her wonder; if not him, then perhaps someone he was close to? Someone he didn’t want confused with himself, no doubt. Narcissa could relate; she acted the same way whenever Lucius said something about Bellatrix’s sexuality and then implicated _her_ to be the very same way.

Although, to be fair, she kind of _was._ Not to same extent, but there was an extent no less. Perhaps…

“I just…” Regulus rolled his eyes again and shook his head, looking out at the night sky. “I just don’t _care_ about any of that, you know? There’s more important things in the world than chasing after pussy all day.”

Or perhaps not. Still, Narcissa couldn’t help but wonder. It seemed everyone in their family _was_ rather abnormal, in one way or another. That was what inbreeding did to bloodlines though, she supposed.

“ _Regulus,_ ” Narcissa chided in distaste, but her cousin just laughed softly at the look of offense on his cousin’s face by his choice of wording.

“When did you become such a prude?”

“I’m not, but at least _attempt_ to have a little bit of class,” Narcissa reprimanded him, not wishing for him to say things like that in front of the wrong people. It would make their family look bad. Regulus seemed decidedly unconcerned with _that_ though as he responded with yet another childish eye roll, causing Narcissa to sigh softly. He might look like a man now, but he certainly wasn’t mentally there yet.

“Please just be aware of your surroundings when you speak like that, that’s all I’m asking,” Narcissa tried, despite knowing it probably wouldn’t make a difference in the slightest. “I know you believe social standards and practices to be as useless as my sister does, but it really does make a difference with our standing in the community. You’re respected now because your parents are, but once they pass, it’s on you to keep your family name in good standing. Believe me, I know this better than most.”

“Sod the family name,” Regulus replied uncaringly, which made Narcissa infinitely grateful no one else was around to hear him speak that way. “That rubbish is what made Sirius leave. What made _Andromeda_ leave, in case you’ve forgotten. It’s a whole lot of wank, if you want my opinion.”

Narcissa looked at him like she couldn’t fathom this train of thought, considering what she now knew about him. “If you truly believe that, then why are you… why do you want to _fight_ for something you don’t even believe in?”

Regulus looked a little surprised that Narcissa knew about what he was planning to do at first, but then he seemed to realize that Bellatrix or Lucius must have told her because he visibly relaxed, remembering who he was speaking to about this; or rather, remembering the strong ties that the person he was speaking to had to the topic at hand.

“For the same bloody reason you don’t fight against it,” Regulus replied, glancing at the woman next to her, like he knew she wasn’t entirely happy with the Dark Lord’s world view either. “We both know which way this war will go, Cissa; and I’d rather be on the winning side of it. That’s why you stand by your sister and your husband during all of this, isn’t it? You want to survive.”

Narcissa pursed her lips into a thin line. “Reg… there’s a difference between standing on the sidelines and being thrown head-first into the fray. Please don’t be naïve about this; what you’re wanting to be a part of… it’s dangerous. You must know this. And if you don’t… if your heart isn’t in it, if you don’t believe in their cause strongly enough, you may not be able to stomach what it is they do and I assure you, in the long run that will be much, _much_ worse for you.”

“I can handle it, Cissa; I’m not a child.”

Narcissa sighed heavily, knowing she was fighting a losing battle. Regulus was seeing the war in such a black and white manner, too young and too foolish to realize how complicated it really was. “Just please be careful,” she responded softly, gently touching her cousin’s arm. “That’s all I’m asking. I’ve lost too much family because of this war already; I couldn’t bear to lose another.”

“That’s why I’m doing this,” Regulus told her softly, looking out at the night’s sky as he leaned against the bannister. “When it’s over, he’ll have to come back. It’ll be the only place safe for him.”

Narcissa pursed her lips sadly, realizing now the true reason for Regulus’ determination to be a part of this fight. He wanted his brother back, and this was the only way he could think to achieve that. “I really am very sorry about Sirius, Reg,” she told him softly, sympathetically. “I know how it feels to lose a sibling, but you must know that the war ending on our terms might not bring him back. He’s always been too bloody headstrong, just like Andromeda.”

Regulus shook his head. “You don’t know him,” he insisted, unable to fathom any other possibility than the outcome he preferred. “Not like I do. He’d come back; he’d want to feel safe, to distance himself from his traitorous friends once he realized they had lost, and he’d come back to me. I know he would.”

Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure she could believe that, but she didn’t argue with him. She knew Regulus needed that hope, because when Sirius left it was obvious he had lost his best friend; had lost a part of _himself_ even. She might not have ever gotten along with Sirius, but she did understand how important he was to Regulus. It broke her heart a little, to be honest.

It was obvious that Regulus wasn’t strong enough to follow Sirius to the other side, despite the fact that he was doing all of this just so he could get his brother back. They were alike in that way, him and Narcissa; too frightened by the unknown and lack of safety that going against the crowd would bring. It was just easier, in the end, to be a sheep. Still, her heart went out to him. He and Sirius might not be close in the same way that she and Bellatrix were (or at least as far as she knew anyway), but they obviously loved one another very much, and if Bellatrix… if she one day went down a path that Narcissa couldn’t follow, it would kill her inside to stand on the sidelines and wait for her sister to come back to her. 

And so she couldn’t necessarily fault Regulus for trying to do something about it, even if she believed it was something foolish. He had to try, in the only way that he knew how to. 

Narcissa heard the click of the door behind them as it opened and she turned, seeing her sister almost trip over the house elf that seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time as it went about its duties of picking up after all the guests. “Sodding elf – watch where you’re going!” Bellatrix snapped, kicking the thing for good measure, which of course caused Regulus to shout at her. He had always treated the thing like some kind of pet, especially when he was younger.

“Oi, don’t kick my bloody elf; Kreacher’s done nothing to you!”

“He was in my sodding way,” Bellatrix sniped back, rolling her eyes at the concern Regulus had for the thing, which had slinked off muttering beneath its breath. After she successfully got out onto the terrace she nodded to her cousin and told him, “And your mother’s looking for you, by the way; something about how she’s going to beat you senseless if you don’t want to be present at your own bloody party.”

“Cunty minger,” Regulus swore under his breath, but did move to go back inside. In the end, Narcissa doubted he had the desire to be beat today for his missteps. It made her feel awful for him; she had been freed from her abusive parents, but Regulus was still stuck with his. That must be terrible, and her heart went out to him as she watched him leave the two sisters on the terrace to go back inside and dance for his mother’s little puppet show.

The second they were alone though, Narcissa was practically slammed up against the bannister by the left side of the house, Bellatrix making sure they were out of view from the other guests as their forms were blocked by the large hanging curtains that were pushed to either side of the doorway. “Ow!” Narcissa exclaimed, completely taken aback by the unexpected rough treatment as her sister fisted her dress robes in her hand. “Bella, what the bloody hell—?!”

“Have you lost your fucking mind?!” Bellatrix hissed angrily, at least having the decency to keep her tone down while she yelled at her for… whatever the hell this was. Honestly, what did she bloody _do?_ She had been away from her for three blooming seconds while she talked to Regulus, that was all!

“What…?” Narcissa asked, beyond confused as to what was happening here. “Bella, I don’t—”

“Telling that girl you’re bisexual, are you honestly that _fucked?!_ ” Bellatrix snapped, causing Narcissa to do a double take as she stared at her sister in disbelief. How the hell would she even know that? 

“What? How did you…?”

“She’s fucking _here,_ you unobservant moron,” Bellatrix told her, causing Narcissa’s brow to rise. She hadn’t known Cassandra had been invited, but then again they hadn’t really talked much since the last time she had seen her. Mostly in order to not irritate her sister any further, plus her and Cassandra only got together about once every few months anyhow. Or, at least they did before the whole pregnancy fiasco.

Of course, why she didn’t think Cassandra would be invited, Narcissa didn’t know. It seemed Walburga invited the whole of the pureblood community, with how many God forsaken people were milling around this house. Even bloody _Margret_ had been invited, and next to nobody liked her. Thankfully she had yet to confront Narcissa about her prolonged absence from the social scene, but the blonde knew that she would feel the need to eventually. Gossip was Margret’s forte, after all. 

Narcissa paled however, instantly thinking the worst even though there was a part of her that couldn’t fathom that it could be true. “Oh my god, did she _tell_ people that?!”

“Of course not, you twit. You have that slut wrapped around your little finger, don’t you?” Bellatrix snapped, which then made Narcissa infinitely more confused because she didn’t understand how Bellatrix would know that, unless…

“Oh Jesus, she talked to you, didn’t she?” 

God, she had _told_ Cassandra to leave it be, that she’d take care of it. Why did she have to go and say something to her sister? Bellatrix was _furious_ and probably rightfully so, as she didn’t believe anyone outside of their family should be trusted with any of their secrets. Still, it wasn’t her secret, nor her decision in the end. Narcissa trusted Cassandra, and to be honest she felt more comfortable around the other woman now that she knew the truth – or at least a _part_ of the truth – about her. It made Narcissa feel as though she could finally be herself, and she enjoyed that.

“She had the bloody audacity to pull me aside like we were _friends_ who could just speak in private like that, and then proceeded to tell me that she ‘understood’ why I was ‘upset’ with her,” Bellatrix fumed, her eyes flashing with anger as she looked down at the trapped form of her sister against the bannister. “Assured me that just because you’re bisexual it didn’t mean that you had any interest in sleeping with her, and—”

“Well, I _don’t,_ ” Narcissa tried to reason with her, but she was interrupted by a fierce backlash.

“I fucking know you don’t, alright?!” Narcissa’s eyebrow’s nearly rose clear off her forehead at that, because wasn’t that what Bellatrix was worried about? Bellatrix huffed then, then rolled her eyes a little as she admitted in a terse tone, “I know you can’t lie on veritaserum, Narcissa. I’m not a bloody idiot. I just don’t fucking like the bitch, and I _certainly_ don’t like you having any friends. And honestly, this is _why._ She’s a liability, don’t you get that? What if you get into it one day with her and she decides to tell people your secrets? You can’t bloody _trust_ her, Cissy, and frankly you’re a sodding idiot for doing so! Jesus, do you have any idea what you’ve _done?_ ”

“It’s not up to you to decide who I choose to trust in my life, Bella!” Narcissa exclaimed, finally pushing her sister’s hands off of her. “Just because you hate everyone else but me and… _him,_ ” Narcissa continued with distaste, “doesn’t mean that my circle of confidants is as narrow as your own. Also, _fuck_ you for pushing an issue for so long that you knew was never even an issue in the first place. Stop trying to make me feel guilty so you can manipulate me. You already have me, what more do you want?”

Bellatrix pursed her lips into a furious line yet said nothing. Narcissa knew what her answer was anyway, but her sister seemed to not want to say it out loud because it would only lead to an argument they had had a thousand times over. 

Bellatrix wanted for her to _only_ have her, just as she only had Narcissa. But that would never be, and they both knew that, which was why Bellatrix chose to say nothing at all.

Narcissa exhaled a small, sympathetic breath then and glanced behind them, making sure they weren’t visible to any party goers through the windowed patio door. Thankfully though it seemed most people were further in the house and so Narcissa reached up and cupped her sister’s cheek, looking her in the eyes as she begged, “Please. _Please_ stop this. My love for you is incomparable to the love I have for any other. You _know_ this.”

Bellatrix sighed softly, her eyes falling closed momentarily as Narcissa gently traced the fullness of her lips. “It just never feels even,” she breathed, which was more honesty than Narcissa thought she’d be allotted. Bellatrix never really relished in truths that made her appear weaker, after all. “There’s never a bloody balance between us, and the people that each of us have in our lives.”

“Then make some friends…” Narcissa tried, but Bellatrix laughed bitterly at that suggestion. 

“Missing the point, love. Friendship is such a terribly small percentage of one’s affections, and something I’m not very good at anyhow.”

Narcissa closed her eyes, this terrible weight in her chest threatening to crush her alive as she fought the words on the tip of her tongue from escaping. But a part of her could see how terribly Bellatrix felt when she realized that while Narcissa was her everything, her sister could never say the same about her. And so without permission from her brain, Narcissa’s sympathetic heart took over her vocal cords as she breathed softly, clearly hating every single word that was being voiced, “…Then take a lover.”

Bellatrix looked surprised by the suggestion, and rightfully so. Narcissa had always fought so hard against having to share her, because she didn’t think she could mentally or emotionally handle it. And maybe she still couldn’t, but there was a part of her that knew she had to stop being so selfish. She _hated_ that part of her, yes, but as it seemed to be in control of her right now, Narcissa couldn’t find the strength to stop it.

Trying to be a better person was such utter _rubbish_ sometimes. 

“I don’t want another lover, Cissy,” Bellatrix told her, making it Narcissa’s turn to be surprised. Wasn’t that what she wanted; for them to be even, for her to have someone just as Narcissa had Lucius? 

“…What?” Narcissa’s question was breathless and confused, yet so infinitely grateful by her sister’s answer that she could barely think due to the intensity that emotion stirred within her.

“Gwen was different,” Bellatrix told her, needing her to understand that she desired something very different than what Narcissa originally thought. “Gwen was… she was my bloody first, alright? First time with a woman, first love, all of that. But believe me, Narcissa, now I can’t even _look_ at another woman without comparing her to you, and every single bloody time they always come up short. I don’t _want_ anyone else, Cissy; I just want _you._ I just fucking wish that you just wanted _me_ in return. I wish I was bloody enough.”

“You _are—_ ” Narcissa tried as she cupped her sister’s cheek, feeling the back of her eyes burn with tears as she lied in order to try to make her sister feel better, because God, the fact that she only ever wanted _her_ was… it was…

It was fucking indescribable. It made her feel wonderful, which in turn made her feel awful because she couldn’t give Bellatrix the same feeling in return. 

“I’m not,” Bellatrix told her softly, bitterly, too involved in the conversation to notice a shadow pass by at the patio door. “And what fucking kills me now was that I could have been, if only I hadn’t pushed you into trying to live a normal life. If I had been selfish back then, I could have had you all to myself. I guess what I didn’t fucking get was that putting you first… it always put me last, and now I’m suffering for it.”

A singular tear finally spilled from the corner of Narcissa’s eye at that, the weight in her abdomen becoming rather unbearable as she grasped her sister’s face between her palms and begged, “Please, please don’t say that. I’m trying; I know it’s not perfect but I’m trying to make you happy. I’m trying to do the best with what I’ve been given, Bella; I’m trying to make the best of our circumstances, and I know it’s not ideal, but I don’t know what else to do.”

The patio door opened rather violently then, causing the two women to nearly jump out of their skin as they turned to see Lucius looking _infuriated_ with them both. “What the bloody hell are you both _doing_ out here?” he seethed in a low tone as he shut the door behind him and stalked up to them. Narcissa quickly wiped away the evidence of tears on her face, trying not to look panicked by the interruption because surely he couldn’t have _heard_ them through the closed door, right? Most houses had sound-dampening spells put into place when they were built, and surely Walburga would have wanted only the best of the best when purchasing a home.

“Well, we _were_ having a conversation,” Bellatrix snapped back, infuriated by the disruption as she pulled away from her sister to face her brother-in-law. “At least, that was until we were rudely interrupted. Can I help you in some way, or are you just inserting yourself into my life because you’re _bored?_ ”

“We are in _public,_ ” Lucius reminded them angrily, which made Narcissa feel ashamed of herself because he was right; this certainly was not the time or place to talk about private matters. They were being foolish. “You’re sodding lucky Walburga’s getting the patio redone, otherwise anyone below us could have heard what you both were saying, which I’m _sure_ isn’t something the rest of the world needs to know. Regardless, whatever emotional bullshit you’re spewing at my wife right now to make her cry, Bellatrix, can sodding wait until we’re home, especially if it’s what I fucking think it is.”

Narcissa’s stomach plummeted.

“ _Oh?_ ” Bellatrix challenged, quirking an angry eyebrow in his direction. “And what exactly do you think it is I’m saying to her?”

But Lucius just pointed a finger at her in warning. “I’ll remind you that this truce only stands so long as you don’t come off as being a threat to my relationship with Narcissa, so believe me, I really do _hope_ you weren’t doing what I thought you were doing. Because from my end, it looked like you were trying to guilt her which, by the way, is not the way to get someone to love you in the way you’d like. She doesn’t fucking owe you anything, Bellatrix. It’s not her fault you’re fucked up.”

“I was trying to bloody guilt her because she told that stupid bimbo friend of hers that I’m fucking _gay!_ ” Bellatrix exclaimed in a heated whisper as she practically pushed Lucius’ chest in fury, impressively coming up with a good enough lie on the spot at the same time that Narcissa’s throat went completely dry in fear.

Lucius’ entire demeanor changed in an instant. He was so certain he was right, that he didn’t even fathom being _wrong._ Then again, he did have a few too many drinks this evening. Just like the rest of them, which probably caused all this foolishness in the first place. “…Oh.”

Bellatrix just shook her head at him, looking as though she wished she could flay him alive just from her gaze alone. “Go choke on another lager, you fucking arse,” she snapped at him. “Your drunken insecurities are grinding on my last nerve. I promised I wouldn’t touch her, and I won’t. That’s the end of this bloody discussion and I swear to god if you accuse me of something like that again it’s going to be the last time you use your fucking tongue.”

Bellatrix stormed off the terrace in a wave of fury and hatred then, leaving Lucius there looking embarrassed as Narcissa chewed softly on her bottom lip, looking guilty. Her husband glanced over at her then and said with a tone of obvious disapproval, “…You really told Cassandra that Bellatrix was gay?”

“I.. it…” Narcissa stammered for a moment, trying to get her lie straight. “Look, it just came _up,_ and Cassie would never tell anyone—”

“Perhaps, but it’s not really your business to tell, Narcissa,” Lucius reminded her.

“Don’t lecture me, alright? I’m getting enough of that from Bellatrix,” Narcissa snapped, hating that Lucius was defending her sister even though that’s what any _decent_ person would do. She hated that she loved him for it too, because honestly she didn’t want to dwell on this lie any longer than she had to. She was already so preoccupied with her sister feeling hurt and like she wasn’t enough that she just couldn’t keep her head on straight at the moment.

“Look just… can you please just take me home?” Narcissa begged softly, looking over at her husband. “I’m not really in the partying mood anymore, and I think it’s obvious we’ve both had enough to drink tonight.”

Lucius pursed his lips but nodded, knowing that it was probably for the best. Indiscretion wasn’t something intoxication played well with, and their family already had far too many secrets to protect. The problem was, in a house as large as the Black Manor, one never knew what window could lie open, and who could be listening on the other side of it.

But rest assured, they would soon find out.

**TBC…**


	23. XXIII. Summer 1978 – Autumn 1978

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE  
Summer 1978 – Autumn 1978**

For sanity reasons, Narcissa usually stayed away from the papers.

She liked to live in her own little bubble where nothing was ever wrong, convincing herself that the reason she couldn’t go shopping this that or another day was simply because the shops were closed, and not because the giants rampaged through Diagon Alley a few weeks ago. Everything was mostly rebuilt now of course, but due to safety concerns, Narcissa no longer left the house alone. Of course, mentally she just told herself that she preferred the company, but there were some days that she even got sick of her own blatant denial. It was a little bit pathetic.

Narcissa feared for her family though, who were gone more often than not it seemed. When the Ministry refused to back down to Voldemort’s latest threats, he ordered the Death Eaters to terrorize not just the officials involved with the Ministry itself, but the magical community as a whole. Bellatrix, more than Lucius anyway, would come home covered in blood sometimes, this hollow look in her eyes that scared Narcissa more than anything else. In the end, she didn’t know what was worse; when Bellatrix was going mad and _enjoyed_ killing people, or for her to be so disconnected from the violence that she didn’t feel anything at all.

So Narcissa distanced herself from the whole thing as best she could.

However, the Daily Prophet was still delivered to their house on a daily basis, and Lucius read it nearly every morning before work. Usually she could just clean it up without feeling drawn in by the headlines, but this time in big, bold letters it read, “DEATH EATER KILLED IN BRUTAL BATTLE AGAINST AURORS LAST NIGHT,” and Narcissa instantly paled, fearing it was Bellatrix. Her hands shook rather violently as she desperately searched the article for the details, and found she could breathe a little easier once she read that the body was identified as male. Still, while the article categorized the death as an accident due the Death Eater’s own spell ricocheting off something, causing part of a building to fall and crush the man to death, there was apparently now a community-wide discussion on whether or not Unforgivables should be used on Death Eaters, and Narcissa suddenly felt sick all over again.

And unfortunately once she started reading the paper, she found she couldn’t stop. And the more she read, the more horror about the world around her was revealed. The entire Bones family was nearly obliterated, survived only by their daughter. A woman named Dorcas Medowes had presumably been important enough to be murdered by Voldemort himself, although the papers could only guess as to why. More names, more deaths… the Prewett brothers were next, followed by some man named Benjy Fenwick who was found not just murdered, but mutilated and tortured and left for dead by the side of the road. It made Narcissa ill, and yet she found that once she began, she couldn’t stop reading. 

The feeling of dread became so predominant that it wasn't long until she found herself at her sister's door, desperately banging on the dark cedar until it was finally opened and she was greeted by their house elf. Narcissa completely ignored it though, rushing past her as she started yelling her sister's name. “Bellatrix? _Bellatrix?!_ ” 

“Jesus bloody Christ, what _now?_ ” Rodolphus asked as he exited the parlor, looking thoroughly exasperated by the interruption. For a second, he seemed to forget the incredibly awkward situation that they had both found themselves in the last time they saw each other, but then he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her in a way that made Narcissa incredibly embarrassed. She had actively been trying to avoid him for this very reason.

“My sister,” Narcissa reiterated, trying very hard to ignore the look Rodolphus was giving her. He looked torn between wanting to see her naked and wanting her to get as far away from him as possible. It honestly made her skin crawl, and Narcissa self-consciously folded her arms over her chest as she asked, “Where is she? She's not… she’s not _out_ is she? I… the papers, the things they're saying… I just...”

“Upstairs,” Rodolphus told her before averting his gaze, apparently now trying to avoid eye contact at any cost after seeing the way Narcissa was responding to him. He must have started to assume that Bellatrix had told her how he ‘reacted’ after she unfroze him, and he was obviously ashamed by it. It was strange; Narcissa was used to him being antagonistic towards her, and yet now he could barely look at her. “Showering, I presume, since she didn't immediately come running at the sound of your bloody voice.”

Narcissa was already taking the stairs two at a time before he was even halfway through his sentence though, not wanting to be down there a moment longer than she had to; and when she practically threw open the bathroom door, she startled her sister so badly that the woman actually shouted. 

“Bloody fucking _Christ_ , you sodding perv!” Bellatrix exclaimed, whipping open the shower curtain as she grabbed her wand off the counter, instinctively pointing it at the intruder. Thankfully the brunette realized who it was in her bathroom before she hurled a curse at her though, and her arm dropped back down to her side as she let out an exasperated breath. “Jesus, Cissy, I thought you were fucking Rodolphus!”

“I'm… I'm sorry,” Narcissa stammered, not having expected such a severe reaction. Although perhaps she should have been a bit more delicate with her entrance; it _was_ rather dramatic. However, now she seemed a bit tongue tied for another reason entirely. Narcissa hadn't realized how long it had been since she had seen her sister naked and wet (at least not in this way), and she had apparently forgotten what a delicious sight it was. Water was pouring off Bellatrix's breasts from the steady stream above her, and at that moment Narcissa’s mind went completely and gloriously blank as she stared unabashedly at her sister's body, following the rivers that ran over porcelain skin. 

Bellatrix, however, didn't even seem to notice at first. “What the hell is so bloody important that you couldn't even wait until I got out of the damn shower?” she asked, practically throwing her wand back on the counter in a huff. She clearly didn’t enjoy being off her guard.

“I… uh…”

Bellatrix’s brow rose expectantly, waiting for an answer that never came. She seemed to understand rather quickly the problem with her sister's voice though, and her left eyebrow quirked in amusement as she put her hands on her hips and asked, “…Booty call?”

“What?” Narcissa asked, momentarily taken out of her staring contest with her sister's breasts. She blinked heavily, trying to clear her head; this really wasn’t the time to get turned on. “No. I mean, maybe, but—”

Bellatrix chuckled, of course only choosing to focus on the ‘maybe’ part of that sentence, because to her it translated into a ‘yes’. “Yeah?” she asked, her tongue in cheek as she slowly ran her fingertips over the curvature of her breast, across her abdomen and then down… 

“Bella, can you please _focus?!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed, trying very hard to ignore her sister's little shower show. It was so incredibly distracting, and now was certainly not the time to let her attention wander. “Did you hear the Ministry might start using Unforgivables against Death Eaters now?!”

Bellatrix's hand stopped just before the juncture of her thighs and she sighed heavily, obviously disappointed with the way the conversation had turned as she dropped her hand back down to her side. “...So?” she asked, completely uncaring as she grabbed her hair potion off the shelf in the shower.

“So?” Narcissa responded incredulously. “ _So?_ ”

“What?” Bellatrix asked, apparently unable to grasp to severity of the situation as she squirted some of the thick potion into her hand. “We use them against them; maybe it’ll give the war a bit more sport.”

Narcissa looked at her in disbelief, hardly able to believe what she was hearing. “Sport? It’d give it more _sport?_ ” she repeated, practically shrieking at her now. “Have you lost your bloody _mind?_ ”

“Not recently,” Bellatrix responded flippantly, beginning to massage the potion into her hair. Narcissa just stared at her, half wanting to just go over to her and just shake some goddamn _sense_ into her, but she knew the second she got close to her sister what she’d do, and she wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of winning. 

Bellatrix, however, wasn’t about to give up on her little dream of a mid-day booty call, and quirked her eyebrow at her sister as she said, “Now are you going to join me in here, or do I have to close the curtain? Letting out all the steam is making me cold.”

Narcissa pursed her lips in irritation. Leave it to Bellatrix to just completely belittle her feelings; but this was serious, and this _mattered._ “I just want you to take this seriously,” Narcissa begged, wishing her voice came out more angry than desperate, but she couldn’t help how this made her feel. “Don’t you understand that this is scaring me? I saw a headline in the papers today that a Death Eater had been killed and I nearly passed out because I was terrified that it was _you._ ”

Bellatrix was silent for a moment as she stepped beneath the spray of the shower, her fingers running through her hair as she closed her eyes. Narcissa watched her sister wash the potion from her soaked curls, and was about to demand that Bellatrix not ignore her when the brunette finally spoke. “I promised you that I would never leave you, Cissy,” she told her softly, eyes still closed as she continued to rinse her hair. “I meant it.”

“You can’t just promise me that you won’t die,” Narcissa told her, voice wavering a little at the reality of it. The longer this war waged on, the more frightened she became of the possibility. “That’s not how life works. You don’t get to choose when the Reaper takes you, Bellatrix; if we could, no one would ever choose to go.”

“Interesting theory from someone who was once suicidal,” Bellatrix responded, finally stepping from the stream above her as she wrung out her hair. “Were you not trying to choose your own death, Cissy? Because that’s what it certainly seemed like when you starved yourself into nothing.”

“Fine, _most_ people would choose not to go,” Narcissa snapped back, knowing that her sister was missing the point on purpose. “Regardless, you’re out there putting yourself in danger every single day and while I knew your death was a possibility before, now it’s become a terrifying reality. If the Ministry put it to a vote and it _passes_ , they’ll hunt you down like animals and slaughter you without a second thought and I can’t… Jesus, Bella, can’t you fucking understand why I’m frightened right now?! Stop trying to promise me that it’ll be alright because you don’t know! You don’t fucking—!”

“Cissy! Narcissa, _stop,_ ” Bellatrix demanded, knowing her sister was on the verge of a panic attack just by the look on her face. She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower then, not bothering to get a towel before she came over to the blonde and firmly clasped her hands on Narcissa’s shoulders. “Look at me,” Bellatrix ordered and Narcissa complied, her gaze lost and desperate as she tried to remind herself to breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth. 

“What’s my name?” Bellatrix asked, and the question was so unexpected that it actually startled Narcissa out of her panic attack for a moment.

“…What?”

“My name. Say it.”

Narcissa blinked, not understanding where her sister was going with this. “…Bellatrix.” Did she think Narcissa’s panic had rendered her bloody stupid or something? Because nothing about this made any sense.

“And what does it mean?”

…Oh.

Narcissa was quiet for a moment though, her gaze dropping to rest on the floor. A knuckle was gently placed beneath her chin though, coaxing the blonde to meet her sister’s gaze once more. “Say it,” she encouraged softly, and Narcissa exhaled a defeated breath.

“Warrior,” she whispered, knowing where her sister was going with this. “It means warrior.”

“I was _born_ for this, Cissy,” Bellatrix told her passionately, her eyes searching her sister’s as she begged for her to understand. “And if I’m to be honest with you, then the last bloody thing I want to do is grow old and die in my bed, alright? I’m going to go out in a blaze of fucking glory, love, and I’m gonna burn the whole sodding world down with me. But not now. Not _today._ Today, I’m with you, and I swear to everything that matters that I’ll be with you until the day you no longer need me. I won’t ever leave you alone, Narcissa. Not for anything.”

Narcissa tried to fight her tears, but it proved difficult. Still, she was able to keep them at bay for the moment as her eyes merely misted over as she looked at her sister. “But what if I always have need of you?” she asked softly, unable to fathom a day when she would not. It didn’t seem possible.

“Then when you’re ready to go out, we’ll go out together.”

Narcissa sniffled, prematurely wiping beneath her eyes as she tried to fight the urge to break down. “Sounds like a suicide pact to me,” she half-joked, even though the meaning behind it did appeal to her. It was only fitting that they left this world together, after all.

“It is.”

Narcissa looked up at her then, only a slight surprise in her eyes; honestly, she was more shocked that Bellatrix would blatantly label it like that then anything else. “…You’re serious?” To be honest, the idea both appealed to her, yet frightened her terribly at the same time. It was an entirely conflicting feeling that Narcissa couldn’t figure out how to make sense of.

“All I’m saying is that if you can’t bear this world without me, then I won’t leave it before you,” Bellatrix promised, gently cupping her sister’s cheek as she stared into her eyes. “But if I stay here for you, then when the time comes that you’re finally done with this wretched earth, we leave it _my_ way. Agreed?”

Narcissa pursed her lips. She was certain her sister’s way would be both very dramatic and very painful. Still, she knew Bellatrix took her promises to her very seriously, and if promising her that they’d die together would encourage Bellatrix to be more careful when she was with the Dark Lord, then how could she ever compare that to a little bit of pain? 

And so Narcissa closed her eyes momentarily, exhaled a long breath, and nodded her consent as she tried to calm the swirling wave of anxiety in her chest. “…Agreed.” 

Because in the end, she had to have faith that her sister would keep her word; it was the only thing that would keep her sane. Most of Narcissa’s life had been dominated by fear; fear of her parents’ wrath, fear of the world finding out her secrets, fear of the Dark Lord, and even ironically the fear of him _not_ winning this war, as it would no doubt destroy her family as they were separated by either incarceration or death. Narcissa woke up every single morning scared out of her mind, and it had now reached a precipice where she found she couldn’t ignore it in favor of her sanity. 

So she didn’t. All she could do now was convince herself that Bellatrix’s word was stronger than anything else; stronger than the Ministry, stronger than this war, stronger than even Death itself, because Narcissa knew it would be the only thing holding her hand through this terrible time anymore. 

Ignorance, it seemed, had long since left her.

“I’m sorry,” Narcissa breathed, eyes still closed with shame as she gently rested her forehead against her sister’s. She hated always having to unload her anxieties on Bellatrix, but she had always been better at calming her than Lucius had. “I know this probably wasn't what you were hoping for when I burst in here. I'm just… I'm scared. I'm so scared, Bella.”

“I know,” Bellatrix breathed, moving just enough to place a gentle kiss on her sister's forehead. Narcissa wrapped her arms around Bellatrix's neck as she pulled her close, not much caring that her sister was getting her clothes damp. She'd probably be shedding them at some point anyway. “But I'll always protect you, love. I wish you wouldn't worry so much; the whole point of me doing this is so you can live a better life, so live it. Go shopping every other weekend and have twelve sodding babies if you want; just leave the rest of the world to me, yeah? It's not your concern anymore.”

Narcissa nodded, despite the fact that is wasn't so much her life she was worried about than her husband and her sister's. Still, she understood Bellatrix's point; constantly worrying about the war was impeding on her having a normal life, and that wasn't what her sister wanted for her. So when Bellatrix placed a gentle finger under her chin to encourage her to look up at her, Narcissa softly pressed her lips to hers and kissed her as a sign of appreciation that she had always been there for her when she needed her.

Narcissa was starting to feel bad though that Bellatrix was always so devoted to her while she couldn't give her everything in return, and so when the kiss inevitability became something more, Narcissa quickly switched their positions, encouraged Bellatrix to get up on the counter next to the sink, and fucked her until the woman was forced to take a second shower.

Still, it wasn't enough, and Narcissa knew that. So she waited in hopes of having a better opportunity to do something romantic for her sister, and after a couple weeks it seemed she finally had an opening. 

“That bloody fucking _idiot,_ ” Lucius swore one beautiful autumn morning after getting the post, causing Narcissa to look up from her tea in question. Lucius was always so put together that his tone of voice concerned her, and so she knitted her brow and got up from her seat, crossing the room in order to place a gentle hand on her husband's shoulder.

“Is everything alright?” Narcissa asked, although it was probably evident that it wasn't.

“Fucking Rookwood got caught embezzling money from the Ministry,” Lucius answered, practically throwing the letter he got clear across the room in anger. The piece of parchment separated from its envelope in mid-air, making a dramatic flapping noise as it returned back to the earth. “They froze all his assets and there's gonna be a formal investigation; not just of him, but our entire department.”

Narcissa's mouth dropped open, a large knot beginning to twist her insides. “ _What?_ They're investigating you too? But you haven't done anything!”

“Yes, I'm aware of that, Narcissa, _thank you,_ ” Lucius snapped. He seemed to realize fairly quickly however he was misplacing his anger and Lucius sighed softly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I'm sorry, this is just the last bloody thing I needed right now. The Dark Lord wanted us to keep our noses clean, and this is painting a huge target on our backs. He's going to be furious. And not only that, but Rookwood was supposed to be the one to meet with the Minister of France this weekend and now he's suspended without pay, so I'll have to go in his place.” 

The thought of the Dark Lord being furious with Lucius instantly made Narcissa frightened for him, and she stumbled over her words as she shakily sat in the seat next to him, took both of Lucius’ hands in her own and responded, “But… but he’ll know it's not your fault, right?” She sounded desperate and like she was pleading, despite knowing this was beyond her husband’s control. “This is Rookwood’s doing; he should be the one punished, not you! That isn't bloody _fair,_ Lucius!”

Lucius did look a little ill at the prospect of Voldemort’s wrath, but to his credit he squeezed his wife’s hands comfortingly and told her, “It’ll be alright. If the investigation clears my name, then I'm sure he won't misplace the blame.” In the end, he knew they both couldn’t be panicking simultaneously; everything would fall apart, and so Lucius sought to comfort them both with assurances he did not feel. “Don't worry about it for now, darling. It'll be a few weeks until we know, and I'm sure the Dark Lord will be understanding.”

Narcissa doubted that, but she did hope that Voldemort at least waited until the outcome of the investigation before he punished Lucius for his unfortunate placement in departments. In the end, it was the Dark Lord's fault Lucius was even placed there with Rookwood in the first place, so punishing Lucius for merely following his orders would be extremely unfair.

“Are you going to be alright this weekend by yourself?” Lucius asked, weaving their fingers together as he looked over at his wife. It would be the first time he had left her for an extended period of time since her stay in the hospital, and he no doubt wanted to make sure she was mentally well enough to handle his absence, especially considering the circumstances.

Narcissa however shot him a small, reassuring smile. As much as Lucius didn’t want her to worry, she didn’t want him to worry in kind. “I'm sure I'll be fine; my medication has stabilized and my Soul Mender has been saying he sees an improvement. But if something happens and I'm not comfortable being alone, then I'll just ask Bella to stay with me while you're gone. Is that alright?”

It should be, per their arrangement, but the last time Lucius had seen Bellatrix outside of their 'work’ together, he had been drunk and full of accusations again. Hopefully he seemed to understand that they were unwarranted, but Narcissa wanted to make sure. She'd go behind his back should she need to, as him being gone gave her the perfect opportunity to do something romantic for Bellatrix, but she'd rather not have to lie to him. She was doing enough of that as it was.

Besides, Narcissa was already painfully aware of what a terrible person she was, to find herself getting excited for alone time with Bellatrix at the cost of Lucius possibly getting punished. That wasn’t okay, and Narcissa hated herself for not only seeing the opportunity, but wasting no time using it to her advantage. She tried to convince herself that the Dark Lord wouldn’t punish Lucius and therefore it was alright, but at the end of the day, the truth was that she had no idea what Voldemort was going to do. All she could do was hope that he’d be understanding, and unfortunately the man didn’t exactly have a great track record of that.

“Of course that's alright; I'm not going to force you to be alone when you need someone and I'm not around,” Lucius answered as he squeezed his wife’s hands once more, of course choosing to pretend he wasn't being an arse about Bellatrix again not that long ago. Narcissa let him though; she honestly didn't want to get into it, especially since she was planning to use the time he was away to blatantly cheat on him.

In the end though, Bellatrix had come first; so despite the fact that she was now married, it had always felt more like she was cheating on her sister with Lucius than the other way around. She wanted Bellatrix to feel appreciated, and Narcissa realized she hadn't been doing a very good job of that as of late. Perhaps at the end of the day Bellatrix would never feel truly satisfied with their relationship unless she was the only one Narcissa was with but, regardless, the blonde knew she had to try. 

Only problem was, Narcissa was a lot more romantic in her mind than in practice.

In all of her romance fantasies, she had always been on the receiving end of things; always getting surprised, always getting gifts, always having beautiful declarations being thrown her way. Narcissa had always subscribed to relatively traditional gender roles, and even in a lesbian relationship with her sister, she had always thought of Bellatrix, for lack of a better term, as being the _man_ between them. So when the time came for _her_ to be the one to do something romantic for someone else, she didn’t really know where to start.

No, that was incorrect. She _did_ , she just realized she was utterly useless when it came to executing her ideas.

Narcissa wanted to start by sending a letter to Bellatrix. Not just a mere, ‘I’d like for you to visit this weekend’ kind of letter, but a romantic one that not only requested her presence, but got her sister excited for the weekend to come. As it would no doubt paint a more explicit image of their true relationship however, Narcissa opted to omit both her and her sister’s names should it ever be intercepted or found. So she started with ‘My love’ and planned to end it with ‘Always yours’.

Problem was, Narcissa couldn’t form a single sentence to fill in between those two forms of address.

She sat cross-legged in the large desk chair in the third floor study, chewing on the tip of her quill in aggravation as she attempted to form _any_ words at all at this point. Everything she seemed to think of was either too juvenile or too overly dramatic, and it wasn’t at all what Narcissa was trying to go for. She wanted to write Bellatrix a letter that rivaled those that she’d read in romance novels, but the truth of the matter was that she just wasn’t talented enough for something like that. And while that was both frustrating and disappointing, the more Narcissa thought about it, the more she realized that maybe she was still doing things for _herself,_ and not for Bellatrix.

Because Bellatrix didn’t give a toss either way about romance; that wasn’t what spoke to her. If Narcissa was being truthful with herself, then she already knew what spoke to Bellatrix was a bit more _south_ of her heart most days.

Realizing that she had been going about this all wrong, Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip and leaned over the piece of parchment, the tip of her quill beginning to scratch against the surface as she went in an entirely different direction. And perhaps it wouldn’t be the most erotic thing known to wizard kind, but she was certain her sister would appreciate it so long as she put an effort into it. In the end, Bellatrix was fairly easy to please when it came to sex; so long as she was getting it, or there was the prospect of her getting it, then she was happy. Honestly, this could probably be the worst written letter in the history of ever and so long as Narcissa told her that she couldn’t wait to ‘stick her tongue deep inside her dripping cunt’ or something to that affect, Bellatrix would come all over herself just from the thought.

Narcissa didn’t seem to think far enough ahead of the repercussions of what she was doing though, as she honestly believed she could get through the whole letter, send it, and be done with it. That, however, was not the case. Instead, she got about halfway through the letter before the tightness in her abdomen became rather unbearable, the images of what she and her sister were going to do to one another swimming inside of her head until her vision seemed to blur and she could no longer see the paper in front of her.

The hand being stuffed into the front of her knickers was more automatic than anything else, and the vast amount of wetness Narcissa was greeted with was actually rather startling and not at all what she expected. It wasn’t as though she had never masturbated before or anything because of course she had, but to be honest it had been a very rare occasion over the last decade or so. For most of Narcissa’s life she had always had two lovers, and whenever she was turned on she generally had someone around to rectify the problem. And it wasn’t as though she didn’t have someone around _now_ either; Lucius was downstairs doing God only knows what – paperwork, or some other such mundane rubbish – but Narcissa couldn’t go to him with this. She couldn’t vividly fantasize about fucking her sister and turn around and jump on him and demand he satisfy her; it just wouldn’t be right.

Nor at all what she even wanted in that moment, if she were to be honest with herself.

Narcissa bit down softly on her bottom lip, withdrawing her hand from her knickers momentarily to look at the glistening wetness that now covered them. She hesitated only momentarily before bringing them into her mouth, groaning softly at the taste of herself. Generally, she only tasted herself on her sister's fingers or her husband's dick, but with the fantasy she had in her head right now, she wanted to pretend it was Bellatrix on her lips and she knew this was the closest she was going to get at the moment. Besides, it made her feel like she was doing something a little taboo, which was turning her on further.

Her breasts heaving with arousal, Narcissa caught sight of herself in the long hanging mirror across the room, and she couldn't help swiveling her chair around to face her reflection as she hiked her dressing gown up around her thighs. Pursing her lips together, Narcissa slowly began taking off her panties until they fell forgotten on the floorboards. She spread her legs, actually finding something intensely erotic in looking at herself in this way, which was new considering this time she wasn't accompanied by someone else to look at with her. 

Because of her disorder, Narcissa had always had a hard time finding herself beautiful, let alone sexy. And while she wasn't completely happy with the way she looked now, Narcissa was learning to appreciate herself for what she was, and not what she could be. It was a work in progress of course, but at least she was starting to see an improvement.

Narcissa watched her reflection intently as she spread herself with her ring and forefinger, allowing her middle to slide lightly over her clit. She moaned softly as she started gently stimulating herself, imaging all the things she had written to Bellatrix. She wanted her sister to bend her over the kitchen counter, wrap her hand around her hair and pound into her so hard she’d forget her sodding _name,_ let alone how to walk or even breathe. She wanted Bellatrix to demand ownership of her, to tell her she'd fuck her until she cried unless she told her that she was only hers, but Narcissa would refuse to comply in order to make the moment last cause she wanted to cry, she wanted to bleed, she wanted to feel possessed utterly and completely.

“Fuck,” Narcissa swore as she panted, working her fingers more vigorously against her aching center. She abandoned her task of watching herself, instead choosing to close her eyes and succumb completely to the fantasy in her mind’s eye. She couldn’t wait to allow her sister to use her body in any way she saw fit, and while _she_ was apparently about to come fast enough, the weekend could not. “Fuck, Bella, oh _fuck…_ ”

She cried out loudly the closer she came to the peak, her entire body flushing a deep crimson as she picked up the speed of her tight circles. God, she was close, she was so close, but of course because life likes to have a laugh at her expense, that was when Lucius decided to open the door to the study, no doubt hearing the moaning coming from within.

Narcissa jumped and turned around so fast her elbow hit the bottle of ink on the table, thankfully spilling it all over her letter to her sister and making it illegible. “Lucius!” she exclaimed in surprise, rushing to cover herself as she instantly became embarrassed for being caught. Despite the fact that they were married, masturbation was still very much a private thing. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I—!”

“No, it’s…” Lucius stuttered a little, obviously a little surprised by what he walked in on despite what he must have heard. All Narcissa could hope at that point was that he had immediately come in once he had heard her, and hadn’t been standing out there long enough to hear her sister's name falling from her lips. She didn’t even know how to _begin_ to form a sensible reason for something like that, and Narcissa feared that in about three seconds she was going to be forced to whether she was ready to or not. “It's okay, you don't… have to apologize. I should have knocked.”

Okay, so he must not have heard the extent of it then. Thank God.

Narcissa's face was bright red though, not just from being embarrassed but from guilt. It had been… a _very_ long time since they last had sex, and yet Lucius walked in on her pleasuring herself instead of asking for him when she was turned on? That must make him feel awful, and Narcissa felt terrible about that.

“I'm sorry,” she apologized again softly, bending down town pick her knickers off the floor. She wished she could just crawl into a hole at this point. “I just… I was…”

“No, Narcissa, you don't... have to apologize,” Lucius responded, albeit a little awkwardly. He watched his wife slide her panties back up her thighs, and his brow creased in a surprisingly understanding expression. “You haven't gotten back on birth control, and after what happened I know you don't…” he trailed off a little, shrugging dejectedly. “At least, not this soon. So please don't apologize, I know you must only be getting your sex drive back after everything that happened, so it's okay. I understand why you didn't come to me.”

Narcissa pursed her lips in guilt. Of course that was part of the reason, but they could have also done things other than penetration. Still, it was easier to let him believe that she was merely afraid of getting pregnant again so soon, or that she hadn’t been feeling sexual until now. 

Dipping her head down a little so as not to make eye contact, Narcissa tucked her hair behind her ear and responded softly, “My Healer told me that birth control could cause side-effects with my medication, which is why I haven’t…” She trailed off though, shrugging a little self-consciously. “I know I should have spoken with you about it before now though. I just haven’t… I haven’t been ready. I honestly didn’t think I would have any kind of sexual desire for a long time anyway. What happened, it… it scarred me, Lucius. I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but—”

“No, Narcissa,” Lucius tried, crouching down a little so he could be at eye-level with his wife who was still sitting in the chair she had almost come all over her. He took her hands into his own, encouraging eye contact. “Please don’t ever apologize for how you feel. I know you’re not ready yet, and I accept that. But… we will have to move forward eventually, and for that we need to have a conversation about what it is that we want.”

“I know,” Narcissa responded softly, trying to ignore the intense feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach at the possibility of the ‘children’ conversation. But before she decided whether or not she wanted to go back on birth control despite the risks of side-effects, she knew that they needed to be on the same page. That wasn’t going to happen unless they actually spoke about it. 

Narcissa’s gaze fluttered up to land on her husband’s caring expression, and a part of her ached with guilt. “But… not now, okay?” she pleaded softly, not ready to face it yet. “Soon, but just not… not now.”

Lucius pursed his lips understandingly, rising from his crouched position to place a gentle kiss on his wife’s forehead. Narcissa’s eyes fluttered closed, appreciating Lucius for not pushing her; in the end, it still really was far too soon, and speaking about the next logical step in their relationship right after Narcissa had fucked herself thinking about her own _sister_ of all people, just did not sit right with her at all. She needed that moment to be committed to Lucius when the time came, and right now she was not.

“Whenever you’re comfortable, darling,” Lucius responded softly, causing the corners of Narcissa’s mouth to upturn softly into an appreciative smile.

“…Thank you.”

It was easy to place the foreboding linger of that future conversation in the back of her mind however, and Narcissa distracted herself by going back to planning her intimate weekend with her sister. While the first letter was ruined, a second had been successfully sent and responded to with a reply that merely said, “You have no idea how many times I fucked myself to that. Or how many times I’m going to fuck _you_ for it. Don’t wear anything underneath your robe when I arrive on Friday, and I promise to bend you over your bloody staircase and destroy that beautiful cunt of yours with eight inches and multiple screaming orgasms.”

And, alright, it didn’t exactly spell the romantic weekend Narcissa wanted to have, but maybe it would be better to get the ‘fucking like bunnies all over the damned house’ part out of the way first, as Bellatrix always did have a hard time concentrating on anything other than orgasms until she had them. Regardless, Narcissa did strive to make the encounter a _little_ more special, and so about an hour before her sister was due to arrive, Narcissa began littering the house with candles of all shapes and sizes. 

Normally she could just have the house elf decorate for her, but she had sent Dobby out of the manor with a list of errands that would no doubt take him a few hours, as she really didn’t enjoy having sex with her sister out in the open where he could see, and it didn’t seem like Bellatrix was planning to make it to the bedroom straight off. Dobby may be bound to his masters, but anybody or any _thing_ having that kind of knowledge about Narcissa made her uncomfortable, and so all she requested of him was that he to be home in time to make dinner, as she couldn’t exactly do that on her own. By that time, they should be safely inside the blonde’s bedroom with _Muffliato_ cast on the door.

Narcissa had just used _Incendio_ to light the candles in the living room however when the doorbell rang through the house. Narcissa’s brow creased as she looked at the large grandfather clock in the corner of the room; Bellatrix wasn’t due for at least another half hour and if anything, she would be late. Narcissa didn’t think she was early for anything a day in life, honestly; she was even _born_ two days later than expected.

Tightening her robe around her form, Narcissa exited the living room to cross into the foyer and towards the door. She debated momentarily about getting into a change of clothes just in case it was anyone other than her sister, because while a house robe wasn’t exactly inappropriate attire, it was certainly uncommon to be wearing one any other time but the mornings, and that ended three hours ago. The doorbell rang again though and Narcissa’s lips pursed, knowing she really didn’t have time to change, and that if she didn’t answer the door to any calling guest, she would be considered extremely rude. She was really doubting at this point that it was Bellatrix, as the woman knew there wasn’t ever any need for her to ring the doorbell; she had always just walked straight into her sister’s house, manners be damned.

Coaxing herself to take a deep breath in preparation for whoever was on the other side, Narcissa stood up a little straighter before grasping the handle of the door and allowing it to swing open. Her eyes landing on the guest on the other side caused her to noticeably falter a little bit though, not having expected the person to come calling on her home today, or even at all. “…Margret?”

Margret Rookwood stood as poised as ever on her front steps, hands clasped in front of her body as her gaze did a noticeable sweeping motion over Narcissa, no doubt cataloging things to begin judging her for, if her expression was any indication. “ _Narcissa,_ ” the woman greeted in turn, although her tone sounded far from friendly. “Interesting choice of attire, although I suppose when one’s only purpose in life is to please one’s husband, dressing for him seems rather pointless when he’s not around.”

Narcissa narrowed her eyes. “I was feeling unwell and had a late start of the day,” she told her in way of an excuse. She really didn’t like the way Margret came to _her_ home, all judgement and hypocrisy as she made a lifestyle that they _both_ had sound so frivolous. “Regardless, last I checked, I was not the only one who was a trophy wife… unless your current financial debacle has forced you to take a job? _Pity._ ”

Margret’s eyes noticeably flashed, but her expression did not falter. Instead she responded, “Are you going to invite me inside, or am I to assume you’re unaware of how manners work? I’m sure the community would be _very_ interested to hear of your rudeness, should you turn me away.” 

Narcissa pursed her lips in irritation. The last thing she wanted was Margret inside of her home, to be quite frank. “I have company coming in less than an hour; right now is not a good time, but you’re more than welcome to come back tomorrow.” She was not though – welcome in the slightest, that was, but Narcissa knew she couldn’t turn the other woman away completely. 

“I’ll only be a moment,” Margret responded coolly, actually having the audacity to just _brush past Narcissa_ as she walked into her home without explicit permission. The blonde’s mouth fell agape for a moment; the woman talked about rudeness as though the mere whisper of it would ruin Narcissa, and yet what was that? Forcing your way into someone else’s home was not something that people like them _did._

Narcissa was about to demand that Margret remove herself from her home when the other woman suddenly spoke. “Peculiar living room décor for three in the afternoon, especially when your husband is out of town,” Margret mentioned as she walked straight into a room she had not been invited into, causing Narcissa’s stomach to clench into tight knots. She really did not like the tone Margret had when she said that.

“I enjoy candlelight; I find it calming,” Narcissa responded, attempting to keep her voice level. 

“And does the… _guest_ you’ve invited find it calming as well?” Margret responded with a knowing tone, one eyebrow quirking as she faced Narcissa. “Because, and forgive me for saying so, one might look at all of this and get the wrong impression. And I know someone like you would never want _that,_ now would you? Rumors are so very hard to manage these days, I’ve found.”

Narcissa exhaled a hard breath through her nose, feeling heat rise up her neck and to her cheeks, tingeing them pink. “What is it you want, Margret? I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t have all day.”

“No,” Margret agreed, although sounded a little amused at her expense. She knew she was getting to her, and Narcissa hated that. “I’m sure you don’t.”

Narcissa tried to ignore the nervous pound of her heart beneath her rib cage as Margret started casually strolling around her living room, taking note of each candle, each piece of décor that she silently judged and appraised. She stopped in front of a small statue of a Greek Goddess that was placed upon a mantle then and she picked it up. “This is nice,” she told her, apparently no intention of returning it from whence it came as she informed her, “I think I’ll keep it.”

“ _Excuse_ me?” Narcissa responded, hardly able to believe the woman’s audacity. Was Margret intent on destroying her own reputation or something, because she must know that with this little act of hers, Narcissa was planning to do just that the second the woman left. This went _beyond_ the threshold of rudeness, and Narcissa couldn’t fathom what had gotten into her.

Margret, however, was not fazed by Narcissa’s response and mentioned casually, “You’ve heard the rumors about the Carrow twins, I take it?”

Narcissa noticeably faltered at the unexpected question, and her stomach tightened in her gut. “I… what?”

“The Carrow twins,” Margret repeated, turning to face her. “About how they do not take lovers, and why everyone believes that is.” Narcissa was beginning to not like the direction of this conversation, and her mouth suddenly went dry and she could not speak. But that apparently didn’t matter to Margret, who did not require an answer. 

“ _Abhorring_ , is it not?” Margret continued, attempting to keep eye contact that could not be met. Narcissa suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Sleeping with one’s sibling… even in our society, that is far beyond the realm of acceptable behavior. I couldn’t ever imagine doing something like that with my family… could you?”

Narcissa felt like she was going to be sick, but she tried desperately to keep herself together as she responded with a slight waver in her voice, “You… you don’t have any siblings.”

“No,” Margret agreed, her gaze snapping up to meet Narcissa’s. Her gaze was purposeful, accusing, and determined as she finished, “…But _you_ do.”

Narcissa was fairly certain she was going to fall over, and her hand shot out to hit the back of the large arm chair next to her, her fingers wrapping around the edge so tightly that her knuckles flashed white. She needed to steady herself, because it seemed her legs no longer wanted to continue working. Narcissa tried to play it off though, hoping beyond anything that Margret was merely reaching, and knew nothing of what she spoke about.

“I’m sorry,” Narcissa forced herself to apologize, trying to come off as much calmer than she felt inside. “As I said before, I’m not feeling well. I think it’s perhaps best if I sit down.”

Margret smirked, looking amused by how broken she had rendered the other woman. “You do that.”

Narcissa shakily sat in the arm chair she had been holding on to previously, and her hands nervously smoothed out the wrinkles in her house robe as she tried to coax herself to just _breathe._ “…What’s your point?” Narcissa asked her finally, hating that her voice came out as barely a broken whisper.

“That you fuck your sister, of course.”

Margret said it so _casually_ that it made Narcissa deeply ill, and she had to place a hand over her mouth momentarily to stop herself from vomiting there on the spot. “I… I don’t…” Narcissa tried, but she couldn’t even get out a convincing sentence, because she was terrified that Margret must have some sort of concrete _proof_ in order to come at her with an accusation like that and barely even bat an eyelash about it.

“Don’t bother lying about it; I heard you both myself and _believe me,_ there wasn’t any room for misinterpretation,” Margret told her callously, causing Narcissa’s eyes to fall closed in defeat and shame. “You know, if I were you and _I_ had a secret that devastating to not only my reputation, but my marriage, I would make certain that I couldn’t be overheard in public settings. The windows in your Aunt’s home were not _closed_ , Narcissa, and that really will prove to be your most foolish mistake once I take everything you bloody own in exchange for my silence on the matter.”

Of course this was about _money._ After Margret’s husband’s scandal, all of her assets had been frozen. She had nothing, and so she sought to use her best leverage in order to guarantee her wealth and status would be upheld. Margret was a schemer, so it made sense that she wouldn’t use information like this unless she was desperate, as this was far too big a card to play to waste it on something trivial.

Narcissa tried to fight down the waves of nausea that were overtaking her sense, and attempted to find any sort of _strength_ inside of her to help her deal with this. “My sister will not stand for this,” she told her, trying like hell not to make her voice waver as she finally looked up at Margret. Narcissa hoped she looked intimidating, but knew that she was probably falling very short. “If you try to blackmail me, she’ll kill you, and I do _not_ mean that in a metaphorical sense.”

Margret, however, just laughed at her threat. “You think I don’t know who Bellatrix is, or that I didn’t take precautions? You underestimate me, Narcissa.” She tsked at her, her tone incredibly condescending, and Narcissa shrunk a little further into her chair, already knowing by the other woman’s confidence that she had lost. “I’ve already made certain that should I mysteriously disappear, that letters will be mailed out to every dominant pureblood family in our society, detailing your sordid little lesbian affair.”

Narcissa’s throat tightened at those words, causing her to struggle with her next inhale of breath. Something in the back of her head was screaming as she became rather lightheaded in her current state of panic, and her vision swam in front of her eyes.

“I’ve always known you weren’t as perfect as you made yourself out to be,” Margret responded with a cruel laugh, enjoying the power she had always wished she had over her, but never experienced until today. “But _this?_ This was beyond anything I would have ever imagined. Being a dyke is bad enough, but to fall in love with your own _sister?_ You must not have a shred of self-respect or decency left in you, do you?”

Narcissa could hear her heart pounding in her ears, and her trembling hands fisted in her robe in order to convince herself that she was grounded to something while the rest of her felt as though she were freefalling. She couldn’t breathe.

She couldn’t _breathe._

“Because that’s what it is, right?” Margret continued to openly mock, each word seeding a little deeper into Narcissa’s soul as it rotted it from the inside out. “ _Love._ Honestly, I never thought your sister could be that utterly pathetic; everyone fears her, believes Bellatrix to be this unstoppable warrior without a heart or a conscience, and yet when confronted with you she turns into nothing but a bloody _puppy_ as she whines and begs for any scrap of affection you can give her. Talking about how she wished she was _enough…_ I could barely contain my laughter at how completely pathetic she truly was when I heard that. I just wish everyone else knew the truth of it, then maybe someone like _her_ wouldn’t be favored while talented people like my husband – _my_ husband – get tossed to the side like they’re bloody expendable!”

Margret had gone from having a cool and collected demeanor, to her tone rising with every passing word. Narcissa didn’t know what the Dark Lord did to Margret’s husband for what he had done, but she was certain by the other woman’s tone that it wasn’t good. Margret apparently blamed Bellatrix for the severity of the punishment however, believing that if people like _her_ weren’t favored then maybe Rookwood would have been placed higher up the ranks and therefore have more leniency. Narcissa couldn’t think about that though. At the moment, she couldn’t think about anything save trying to remember how to breathe, because with every passing moment of this it seemed her airway got thinner and thinner.

And that was terrifying her. She had never had a panic attack this badly before, and she was afraid that if it didn’t stop she might involuntarily suffocate herself.

“Stop,” Narcissa wheezed, unable to take this anymore. Her words came out strained, barely even audible. “Please— please stop…”

“ _Stop?_ ” Margret responded incredulously. “Oh, I’ve only just _begun,_ ” she told her seethingly, fire and hatred in her eyes as she advanced on the woman in the chair. “I won’t stop until I’ve torn you from that bloody pedestal you always believed yourself to be on; I won’t bloody stop until I’ve taken _everything_ from you just as you’ve taken from me. This house, your husband, this _life?_ It should have been _mine!_ Lucius should have been _mine_ and instead of thanking every sodding God there is for the life you’ve been handed on a silver fucking platter, you chose to spit in its face as you spread your whore legs for your own bloody _sister!_ You don’t deserve this, Narcissa; you’ve never deserved _any_ of it!”

It was too much. It was all too much, and Narcissa barely knew what she was doing as her body worked on autopilot. She couldn’t see, she couldn’t breathe, yet something inside of her was desperate to protect herself as she grasped for her wand from the inside pocket of her robes. “— _Stop!_ ” she screamed in desperation as she hurled a stunning spell in Margret’s direction, just needing the woman to stop attacking her so she had a moment to think, to _breathe._

The spell hit Margret square in the chest and she immediately fell backwards. Narcissa’s only intention was to knock her out until Bellatrix was there and they could deal with this _together,_ but she hadn’t been thinking properly or else she would have known to hit the woman from another angle. But she didn’t, and instead of merely connecting with the floor, everything seemed to go in slow motion as Narcissa watched Margret’s head hit the corner of her coffee table with a sickening crack.

Everything was still.

Narcissa just sat there frozen for a long moment, her hands to her mouth and her eyes widening as she prayed the blow had just rendered the other woman unconscious. But then she saw it; blood, pooling around Margret’s head, encircling her like a devastating halo as it quickly grew bigger in size. “Margret?” Narcissa tried, her voice coming out shaky and frightened as she feared the truth in this moment. This could not be happening. This couldn’t be real. “ _Margret!_ ”

Trembling from head to toe, Narcissa struggled to rise from her seat in the chair. It was as though the world around her had stopped as she put slowly one foot in front of the other, making her way over to the limp figure in the middle of her living room. A part of her already knew the devastating truth of what she had done, but it wasn’t until she finally saw Margret’s face that the reality of the situation hit her like a barreling freight train.

Margret’s eyes were still open, her expression hollow and lifeless as blood continued to pour from the wound on the back of her head, and Narcissa screamed.

**TBC…**


	24. XXIV. Autumn 1978

**CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR  
Autumn 1978**

“Well,” Bellatrix began with a hapless sigh and a small nudge of her toe against the corpse in the living room. Margret’s body rolled a little in the puddle of blood that surrounded her head and now half her torso at this point, but fell back into place with lifeless eyes staring up at the ceiling once Bellatrix had withdrawn her foot. “ _She’s_ dead.”

In the corner of the room, Narcissa retched into one of her potted plants for the fourth time this afternoon.

Bellatrix pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. “What a bloody fucking mood-killer, honestly,” she complained, rolling her eyes slightly as she hiked up her black dress, removing the harness and dildo she had strapped to her groin before throwing it carelessly to the ground. The worst part was, Narcissa knew it wasn’t the dead person in her house that was causing Bellatrix’s arousal and excitement over this weekend to plummet; it was the fact that Narcissa was now currently panicking and throwing up every five seconds over what she had done.

“How exactly did this happen, again?” Bellatrix asked, turning towards her sister in question. She asked it so _casually_ that Narcissa blanched, finding this entire situation to be both bizarre and horrifying and _God,_ she really prayed that this was nothing but a terrible dream, because she couldn’t bear this. She couldn’t fathom the reality of being a murderer, even if it was accidental.

But then again, she had already _indirectly_ murdered her own child, so why not add ‘accidentally’ to the list as well?

God, Narcissa felt sick.

“I… she…” Narcissa tried, but words weren’t something her brain could comprehend then, and all she could do was burst into tears as she covered her mouth in horror, unable to tear her eyes away from Margret’s body. It was as though some fucked up part of her mind needed to sear the image into her brain, although for what purpose, Narcissa didn’t know yet. She knew what she feared it was though, but no… she wasn’t like her; she wasn’t like her sister. She couldn’t be, because she felt terrible about this, and Bellatrix…

Bellatrix just sighed heavily, as though this entire situation was merely an unexpected inconvenience in her life. 

“Alright, come on, calm down,” Bellatrix tried, sounding a little exasperated as she crossed the room to stand in front of her sister, placing her hands on the blonde woman’s arms. Narcissa just continued to cry though, and Bellatrix, beginning to run out of patience, exclaimed a little more forcefully, “— _Cissy!_ Seriously, stop bloody crying for a second and tell me what the hell happened so we can deal with the body, yeah? It’s not like you did this _cleanly,_ so this is going to take a lot more work than usual. Which, by the way, remind me to teach you the Killing Curse, because this? Is probably going to stain your floors.”

Narcissa’s watery eyes widened in offense and horror as she stared at her sister like she couldn’t believe that the woman really thought that she had intentionally done this. “I didn’t do it on _purpose!_ ” Narcissa practically screamed at her, roughly pushing Bellatrix’s hands off of her. 

“There, good; some bloody fucking information finally,” Bellatrix responded flatly, irritation mapping her features at how long it was taking to get Narcissa to just _talk._ She motioned towards the body as she continued, “Now, you wanna tell me what happened, or are you going to continue to force me to guess? Because I wasn’t kidding about the stains on your floors, and the longer we sit here the worse it’s going to be.”

Narcissa let out another little helpless sob, momentarily covering her mouth with her hand as she tried to pull herself together. Bellatrix was right; they needed to deal with this, and the longer they waited the more likely it probably was that they’d get caught. After taking a few seconds to exhale long breaths meant to calm her rapidly beating heart, Narcissa shook her hands out of anxiety as she began to pace a little. “I… uh… she— I was… _panicking_ and I just… I hit her with a stunning spell, just to—I needed you to get here, so we could figure out what to do together, but she… she _fell_ and… and…”

“Hit her head on the corner of the table?” Bellatrix responded, filling in the blanks for her sister. It wasn’t that hard to guess, considering the placement of the body and the amount of blood that now covered the floor, but Narcissa inhaled a shuddered breath and nodded silently, another tear falling down her cheek as she confirmed the sequence of events for her sister.

“Oh _God…_ ” Narcissa breathed, more tears spilling down her cheeks as she erratically shook her head, not wanting to believe that this was real. “I didn’t mean to kill her, Bella, I didn’t—I didn’t mean to kill her…!”

“Hey… _hey,_ ” Bellatrix tried, grasping onto her sister once more to try to garner her full attention. She caught Narcissa’s gaze and for once tried to be a little more understanding about the emotional turmoil that was currently trying to suffocate the breath from the blonde’s lungs. “I know, okay? I know, and this isn’t your fault. It was just a bloody accident, yeah? It was an accident and I’ll take care of it. This will never come back on you, Cissy, do you understand me? I’ll protect you.”

Narcissa exhaled another shuddered sob, the force of it nearly wracking her entire body. She knew Bellatrix would protect her, but that didn’t erase what she had done. It couldn’t. “She… she _knew_ , Bella, about—about _us,_ and I…”

“Wait, _what?_ ” Bellatrix responded, stepping back from Narcissa for a moment to look at her as though she couldn’t believe that wasn’t the first thing she had told her. But honestly, what did she think? That this was some kind of social politics game gone wrong? Such things probably did come with a body count in some families, but that wasn’t… Narcissa would _never._ Not over something as trivial as that. She would never physically attack someone over something so frivolous, and because of that she couldn’t fathom how Bellatrix didn’t realize that this was more serious than that.

“God, this is never going to stop, is it?!” Narcissa practically shouted, feeling helpless and exhausted and so very, very broken. “Because we’re stupid, and we’re not _careful,_ and everyone’s going to know one day, aren’t they? Everyone’s going to bloody know, because we can’t kill them all, and… God, everyone’s going to _know._ Everyone’s going to…” But Narcissa trailed off then, realization striking her so hard that she nearly fell over. “Oh my God, Bella… everyone’s going to know!”

“You already said that,” Bellatrix responded, sounding torn between being exasperated and irritated by her sister’s mental breakdown, especially because she wasn’t getting the full story, just bits and pieces. “Like four fucking times actually. And they’re not—”

“Yes, they are!” Narcissa exclaimed, back into full-blown panic mode as she desperately grabbed onto her sister’s arm. She couldn’t believe she had forgotten about this, but in her downward spiral she couldn’t seem to think of anything else other than the fact that she had accidentally killed someone. “Margret said she had made arrangements to have letters sent out detailing our affair to every dominant pureblood family in Britain if something were to happen to her; that’s how she tried protect herself from being murdered by _you!_ ”

“Jesus fucking—” Bellatrix began before she pinched the bridge of her nose, no doubt trying to offset the first signs of a splitting headache. She exhaled a hard breath then, probably counting backwards from ten or something to keep her temper under control. “That… should have been the _first_ fucking thing you told me, Cissy.” Her voice was dangerously level, but Narcissa was barely paying attention because the reality of that threat began to sink in, and she started spiraling again.

“I’m… I’m going to lose everything,” she breathed in horror, staring right through her sister as it felt like something inside of her was collapsing. Narcissa stumbled back a little, momentarily losing control over her legs before she slumped against the wall and fisted her hand in her shirt over her chest. “Oh my god… I’m going to have nothing. B-Bella—” Narcissa stuttered, her desperate gaze connecting with the woman across from her. Her voice began to rise in octave, the initial shock making way to absolute panic as she began to reach for her. “Bella, he’s going to leave me; he’s going to—!”

“Will you shut _up_ about Lucius?!” Bellatrix snapped angrily, pushing Narcissa’s hands off of her. Narcissa wasn’t expecting such a callous reaction and so she was actually shocked mute for a moment, just staring at Bellatrix like she couldn’t believe she was pushing her away when she needed her. “He’s not going to find out, and frankly the fact that you don’t think I’m going to fix this for you is bloody _insulting._ You may have made my life harder by not keeping the bitch alive long enough so I can torture the information out of her, but if those letters really do exist, then I’ll fucking find them, okay? Now sit _down._ ”

Narcissa swallowed hard at her sister’s tone, but sat down in a large armchair just as instructed. In the end, she didn’t want to frustrate her even further just in case Bellatrix decided it would be less headache-inducing if she left Narcissa to clean up her own messes.

“Alright, first things first: we need to get rid of the body,” Bellatrix told her, in a tone so disastrously calm that it was almost as though she were making a shopping list. Narcissa felt ill. “Luckily for you, I have some experience in that area. So while I do that, you need to clean this sodding place up. Do you think you can manage that?”

Narcissa swallowed the lump in her throat, but nodded mutely. 

“Get your elf to do it if you can’t stomach the blood, but either way this place needs to look sodding _immaculate,_ do you understand me?” Bellatrix told her, voice deadly serious. “Because on the off chance that there is an investigation and it leads them _here,_ there can’t be any fucking evidence that that woman was even in this house to begin with, let alone that she died here.”

“I… I sent Dobby away for the day,” Narcissa told her, hands beginning to shake a little as she realized the clean up now rested on her shoulders alone. And the worst part of it was that she wasn’t well-versed in cleaning spells at all, considering she had always had servants and never had to use them. “I didn’t want him to… to know what we were doing.”

“Oh my god, that fucking thing _already_ knows, Cissy; get a sodding clue,” Bellatrix snapped, exasperated by her sister’s constant paranoia when it came to the servants of the house. “It physically cannot tell your secrets without inflicting extreme bodily harm on itself, so call it _back_ and tell it to help you, otherwise I’m sure you’re going to end up vomiting everywhere. Again.”

Narcissa exhaled a long, nervous breath, but nodded her understanding. If she wanted to get through this, she knew the best thing to do would be to listen to her sister; in the end, she had far more experience with this kind of thing than she did.

“I should be back in an hour,” Bellatrix told her, walking over to the body in the middle of the living room and crouching down. “Do not – and I will repeat this for bloody emphasis – do _not_ speak to anyone, do you understand me? Do not send a letter, do not use the fireplace to make a call, do not answer the goddamn door if the doorbell rings. No one is to see you, Cissy; you are to stay put, in this house, until I come get you. Are we clear on that?”

Narcissa pursed her lips together, but nodded her understanding once more. “…Yes,” she responded softly, digging her thumbnail into her palm as she watched her sister grab hold of Margret’s arm. “Be careful,” she told her, before Bellatrix shot her a reassuring smile.

“Always am, love.”

And then she and the body were gone with a loud crack, disappearing from the blonde’s living room and leaving a large puddle of blood behind. Narcissa chewed on her bottom lip as she looked at the rug that was beneath the coffee table; that would have to go, and she’d have to find something to replace it that was near enough to the original so that Lucius wouldn’t notice the difference, as the first one came from South Korea and would have to be placed on order should she want another one of the same. Although then again, Lucius really had never been that observant in the first place when it came to home décor. Maybe he wouldn’t even notice that the rug was gone, which would give her time to get the one she wanted again.

“…Dobby?” Narcissa called out after she had taken a few long breaths in order to calm herself. She really didn’t want to do this, but Narcissa knew she had no other choice unless she wished to start cleaning up the blood herself which would… probably not go over that well with her stomach. As it was she was already going to have to replace three different plants. 

Dobby came back in a flash, as house elves were always able to hear the call of their masters while they were away. “Dobby is ready to serve, Mistress!” he announced cheerfully, before his gaze landed on all the blood on the floor. His eyes went wide. “Oh, no, that is not good. That is not good at all. Blood is terrible, blood is dirty; Dobby will clean that up right away, Mistress. Right away!”

“—Dobby!” Narcissa exclaimed, just trying to get the creature’s attention before it skittered off to clean up the awful mess that _she_ had made of things. Dobby turned to face her, blinking his large eyes as though he was surprised that he had gotten stopped before he could finish his chores. “I know that you are bound to secrecy due to the laws of your kind, but I am still going to ask you that you do not speak a word about what you saw here. And… for that matter, what you may have ever seen transpire between my sister and I. I know Lucius is your master as well, but my husband cannot know about either of those things.” 

“Dobby knows all about the importance of secrecy in the Malfoy house, Mistress,” Dobby responded, probably much more enthusiastically than the situation actually called for. His race had always been so eager to please though, regardless of the situation. “When Dobby was purchased, Master told Dobby that if Dobby ever betrayed their house that Dobby would die a most painful death. Dobby does not wish to die, Mistress; Dobby only wishes to serve the noble house of Malfoy most excellently.”

_Of course Lucius threatened him._ Narcissa sighed a little, as she could never stomach the mistreatment of house elves as well as other purebloods could, but in the end they did have rather important secrets to keep, and she was certain that Lucius was merely trying to protect their interests. Should the world find out that their family was linked to Voldemort, they would lose everything.

“You are,” Narcissa assured the creature, which caused Dobby’s big eyes to begin to water a little at the compliment. It was obvious he did not get them often, although she was probably mostly to blame for that. Lucius would no doubt rather eat his entire left shoe than compliment the _help._ “And I know it may not be fair of me to ask this of you, or even if your laws allow you to prioritize one family member over another, but I need your loyalty to me to outweigh your loyalty to my husband. Can you do that?”

“Oh, yes, Mistress!” Dobby responded, nodding his oversized head in earnest. “Mistress has always been most kind to Dobby, whereas Master has been—” But he stopped mid-sentence then, his eyes growing as wide as saucers as he seemed to realize that he almost spoke badly of a member of the family that he served. Grabbing the Greek statue that Margret had tried to take for herself not too long ago, the elf began beating himself in the face with it repeatedly. “Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!”

“Dobby, Dobby— _stop!_ ” Narcissa commanded, which thankfully caused the elf to stop beating himself with a heavy object. Just witnessing it was making her ill, considering that Margret had died due to a bad blow to the head.

“I’m—I’m sorry, Mistress, but Dobby almost spoke badly of his Master. Dobby would have never forgiven himself if he wasn’t punished!”

Narcissa pursed her lips. She knew Lucius wasn’t the kindest person in the world when it came to their servant – she would always see him physically kick Dobby out the way sometimes, or snap at him for this that and another thing – but as it was never as bad as what she had seen _Bellatrix_ do to her elves, she had always opted to say nothing on the matter. In the end, no one understood her aversion to punishing the servants, and she didn’t want anyone to look at her like there was something _wrong_ with her for not doing what their bloodline had been doing to elves for centuries upon centuries.

“It’s fine. Just… get this cleaned up, will you? Some of the potted plants need replacing as well, which I’m sure you can acquire in Diagon Alley after you’ve finished here. I’ll have to special order another rug though, so just throw that one out,” Narcissa instructed, before she quickly had a thought and she hastily revised, “—No! Burn it. I need it burned. I can’t take the chance that it could be found.”

“Right away, Mistress!” Dobby responded, taking off to do what was required of him without hesitation. Narcissa was glad for him, honestly, as she knew she would have never been able to stomach doing all of this herself. And while before she was wary about how far Dobby’s loyalty extended, after speaking with him she was certain now that he would prioritize her over Lucius, and all because she was kinder to him than her husband was.

Apparently the rest of pureblooded society should take a leaf out of _her_ book as to how to treat the help, but as that would probably never happen, Narcissa knew she had to just take her advantage where she could.

Instead of watching Dobby go about his chores, Narcissa opted to use her time waiting for Bellatrix to take a shower. Everything that had happened today had made her feel dirty, and Narcissa almost scrubbed herself raw as she tried to get the feeling off of her. In the end though she realized that despite how much she washed herself, that she would never feel clean. Narcissa sobbed for a long time under the spray of the shower head, and when she finally got herself together again she stepped out and redressed herself just in time for Bellatrix to return.

“Your elf dealing with the clean up?” was how her sister greeted her, no time for pleasantries. Narcissa nodded, and Bellatrix continued without a moment’s hesitation, “Good. Get your coat; we have somewhere to be.”

Narcissa didn’t have a moment to ask where they were going or what Bellatrix had done with Margret’s body before she was grasped onto right after she had gotten her long jacket from off the coat rack, being forced into a side-along apparition that made her stomach turn quite terribly in her gut. “Jesus,” Narcissa complained when they had landed, trying not to wretch into a nearby patch of grass. Grasping her abdomen, she snapped, “Haven’t we been over how shit you are at this? You should have just let me do it!”

“Oh, relax,” Bellatrix dismissed with a little eye-roll, never one to take criticism of her abilities well. “Until I splinch you, I don’t want to hear it; _especially_ when I’m the one saving your ungrateful arse right now.”

Narcissa was about to tell her that she wasn’t ungrateful when she finally began to pay attention to where they even were. Her words died in her throat as she stared up at a large manor with a “For Auction” sign out front, and Narcissa didn’t even have to ask where they were, for she already knew. Her breath caught in her throat and she grasped onto her sister’s hand tightly, apparently not having realized before that to find those letters, that they’d have to do some breaking and entering as well. And that, in no way, sat well with her.

She had already committed enough crimes as it was today.

“Bella, what—what about her husband? Isn’t he…?” _Home,_ was what she was going to say, but her voice died out as she realized that it looked as though no one was inside. Although it was getting dark outside all of the lights in the house remained off, and all that could be heard was the light howling of the wind and the creaking of the sign out front as it swayed back and forth in the breeze. 

Narcissa knew that Gringotts had seized most of the Rookwood’s assets in order to pay back the Ministry what they were owed for the embezzlement, but now Narcissa wondered how much they had really taken, and if Margret and her husband were even allowed residence in there. She had no idea how long one had to vacate the property once it had been seized by the bank, but if she hadn’t been living there, then Narcissa had no idea where she had been staying, nor where those letters could be.

“Rookwood hasn’t been back since the Dark Lord found out what he had done,” Bellatrix answered, keeping ahold of her sister’s hand as she guided her towards the house. Narcissa looked around nervously to see if there was a possibility of anyone seeing them, but like their own manor, the next house wasn’t around for miles. “He isn’t particularly happy with him, and is expressing that by keeping him locked up like a naughty pet for the time being. Once he learns his very _painful_ lesson I’m sure he’ll be released, but I don’t think that will be any time soon. Rookwood’s head has always been as hard as his cock.”

Narcissa made a face at that, and Bellatrix rolled her eyes at her, as though Narcissa should know better that she wasn’t speaking from experience. “Or so I hear, anyway. He sticks it into pretty much bloody anything these days.” 

Bellatrix stopped in front of the door then and placed a gentle hand on her sister’s stomach, encouraging her to come to a halt. “Hold on,” she told her softly as she removed her wand from the inside pocket of her robes. “I’m sure this won’t take long.”

Bellatrix seemed to go through a list of nonverbal spells that had a variety of wand movements, and for a second Narcissa feared that none of them were going to work and that they’d never get into the house, but seemingly right after she thought that, the lock on the Rookwood’s house clicked open and Bellatrix scoffed, putting away her wand. “Typical. The fool was lax about everything else in his sodding life, why not his security as well?” She scoffed. “Tosser. The Dark Lord seriously needs to teach him the importance of secrecy and discretion, because this is bloody embarrassing.”

Bellatrix pushed open the door and walked into the house as she continued to rant about the importance of following the Dark Lord’s orders, leaving Narcissa to follow silently behind her with her thoughts anywhere but on her sister’s words. The house was dark and cold, and for the most part very disheveled. It seemed the bank had already started seizing some of the Rookwood’s assets, and what was left was thrown carelessly in multiple boxes that Margret no doubt intended to keep once she moved residences. Narcissa pursed her lips, her stomach forming into tight knots as she looked around the house.

“What if she wasn’t even staying here?” she asked Bellatrix softly, worried about having to start over from scratch when she already didn’t have a clue where to begin in the first place.

“Please,” Bellatrix scoffed over her shoulder while she began to ascend the grand staircase. “I don’t even know the bitch and I already know she’d be the type to have to be physically _hauled_ out of this lifestyle before she gave it up. The way you talk about her is proof enough of that, and I bet you anything that even if the bank took away her bed, that she was sleeping in this house on the sodding floor. Mark my words.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, unsure about that, but when they were upstairs and passed by the master bedroom, a makeshift bed of blankets and pillows were in the center of the room and Bellatrix’s brow rose as she motioned towards it in a silent gesture of, “See?” Still, that didn’t make Narcissa feel any better as she wrapped her arms around her torso as she physically held herself together.

“Shouldn’t we have gone through the boxes downstairs?” she asked, not understanding why Bellatrix looked so goal-oriented while she felt so incredibly lost.

“If we were looking for the letters, then sure,” Bellatrix responded, peaking her head into another room, apparently not finding what she wanted before she moved on. “But that seems a little backwards, wouldn’t you agree?”

Narcissa’s brow crinkled in confusion, her steps just two behind her sister’s. “What do you mean?” she asked, confused about what they were even doing there if they weren’t looking for the letters. Wasn’t that the entire point of coming into this house? “Backwards _how?_ That’s the only threat left to us, Bella, so I don’t understand why—”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes as she stopped dead center in the middle of the hallway, causing Narcissa to nearly crash into her due to the unexpected change of momentum. She didn’t however, but did hold out her hand momentarily to remind herself not to fall straight into her sister because she was too bloody wrapped up in her own waking nightmare to watch where she was going. Bellatrix didn’t even seem to notice Narcissa’s misstep however and turned to face her, exhaling a heavily exasperated breath before she explained, “You seem to be missing one very large factor, love, and that’s that these letters – should they even exist at all – won’t be sending themselves.”

Narcissa immediately went pale.

“Oh my god,” she breathed, horrified as she realized what that really meant. Her hands shook as she brought them to her mouth, her heart beginning to beat a million miles an hour. “Are you telling me that you think someone _else_ knows? _Who?!_ ”

Logically, Narcissa immediately went to ‘her husband’, but if that was the case then why were they _here_ when Bellatrix knew perfectly well that Rookwood wasn’t?

“Or _what,_ ” Bellatrix responded with a pointed look, which made Narcissa’s panic falter momentarily as she tried to understand her sister’s meaning. Then it clicked, and her eyes widened a little as she realized what Bellatrix believed Margret’s backup plan to be. 

“…You think she instructed her house elf to send them.”

“Or her owl,” Bellatrix added as she began walking again, not wanting to leave anything to chance. “So I suggest if you have a weak stomach that you stay downstairs until I’ve finished slaughtering every sentient thing in this house.” Narcissa’s stomach clenched in her gut at those words, feeling sick over the consequences of her actions. Still, she said nothing, and did not argue. As much as the thought of more things dying for her mistake was making her physically ill, there were more important things at stake now.

“Actually, you should probably make yourself useful anyway and look for those letters anyhow, just in case the elf doesn’t succumb to torture,” Bellatrix instructed her, and Narcissa swallowed hard as she nodded in understanding. “If they exist, then we need to burn them.”

Honestly, a part of Narcissa wished that they could just burn the entire house down to be safe, but if that didn’t have ‘suspicious circumstances’ written all over it, then she didn’t know what did. So in the end she left this up to her sister’s expertise, and did as she was told. It was pretty much all that she was good at anyhow.

“Just… please try to be quick,” Narcissa begged, not wanting this to be drawn out any more than it had to be. She knew her sister got off on stuff like this; on murder, on torture, on being her savior… but Narcissa just needed this night to be over so she could try to forget that it ever happened. 

It wasn't long after she went downstairs that Narcissa began to hear the high-pitched screaming of a house elf, the creature not having hid as well as it no doubt believed it had. Considering it hadn't been visible when they entered the house, it no doubt had sensed a threat and tried to protect itself. In the end though, when Bellatrix set her mind to killing something, it always ended up dead. Narcissa hated how much of a body count her sister had on her behalf, but it definitely wasn't as terrible as the fact that she herself now had one as well.

Narcissa tried to block out the screams as she rummaged through the numerous boxes, but to no avail. It was piercing, loud, and caused terrible tremors to run down Narcissa’s spine as it forced her into remembering a time better left forgotten. She had never understood how Bellatrix could stand the sounds of torture and pain after what they had been subjected to themselves as children, as it caused her terrible PTSD that left her shaking in a ball in the corner. The sounds were grating on her sanity, and all Narcissa could do to protect herself was clap her hands over her ears and focus on the sound of her own tears. She hated that all this was coming to pass due to her own mistakes, and the blame and guilt began to seat itself so deep in her stomach that she began to feel nauseous.

It felt like it took forever, but finally Bellatrix descended the stairs, a stack of letters in her hand. They apparently had been hidden upstairs somewhere, which was good considering Narcissa had been utterly useless when it came to both searching and doing anything other than having a goddamn mental breakdown. Her sister was smiling though, proud that her efforts had yielded positive results. Bellatrix raised her arm as she approached her, waving the stack of letters in victory as she responded to a gratitude that had yet been given. “You're _welcome_.”

Narcissa just sniffled, another tear falling down the contour of her cheek. She hated this; she hated all of this. Bellatrix took one look at her sister's distressed expression though and sighed heavily, holding out one of her hands to encourage her to get off the floor. “Come on, love. It's going to be alright,” she tried gently, her voice no doubt a much softer decibel than normal in order not to provoke Narcissa’s unstable emotional breakdown even further. “We've got the letters, and after we destroy the evidence and the bodies of the things upstairs, all we have to do is pack a bag of her shit and make it seem like she left Rookwood due to his very public humiliation. I mean, it’s not exactly farfetched that someone in our community would abandon their marriage to save their own reputation and pride.”

That was true, but Bellatrix made it all seem so _easy_ when all Narcissa feared was that there would eventually be questions. Even in the middle of a war when people went missing or turned up murdered all the time, unlike the rest of the world, Rookwood would no doubt know that Margret’s disappearance wasn’t due to Voldemort, and therefore might seek answers should he not believe that his wife would ever abandon him. That scared Narcissa, and she wished Bellatrix understood that.

She did allow Bellatrix to gently pick her up off the floor though, and when Narcissa stood before her, her sister reached out and softly wiped her tears away with her thumbs. “None of that,” Bellatrix told her gently. “You saved us, Cissy, there's nothing to feel guilty for.”

If only.

Narcissa sniffled, wishing that her chest didn’t feel as though it was caving in from emotion. “…I knew she was going to die,” the blonde admitted in a soft whisper, another tear falling down her cheek. In the end, Narcissa had always known exactly what Bellatrix was going to do to the other woman if she had ended up finding Margret merely unconscious in the middle of her parlor, instead of already dead; it's what she did to everyone who ever found out about them, after all, save only perhaps Rodolphus. “I knew we'd have to protect ourselves no matter what, but I just… I didn't think _I'd_ be the one to do it. I can't stomach it Bella, I just can't. I didn't want to be this person, even though… even though I've always known on some level that I’ve been this person indirectly for years…”

Because she was, wasn’t she? Narcissa may have never directly murdered someone before, but many people’s demise had come about due to her, and due to Bellatrix’s need to always come to her rescue. In the end, she was just as guilty as her sister was; she just never was able to think of it that way until now.

“Well, if it helps…” Bellatrix began, her voice suddenly dropping to a much lower decibel as she slid her arms around her sister's waist, pulling her flush to her. At first Narcissa thought Bellatrix just meant to comfort her with an embrace, but then she felt the older woman’s lips dusk her cheek, her chin, before pressing them right next to Narcissa’s ear as she breathed in a wanton tone, “I find it _very_ sexy that you have a body count now…”

Narcissa exhaled a disgusted breath as she pushed Bellatrix off of her, thoroughly unable to believe her nerve at a time like this. “This isn't a _joke,_ , Bella!”

“Who's joking?” Bellatrix countered, one of her eyebrows quirking in challenge. She quickly grasped the blonde’s hands in her own, pinning them up against the wall above Narcissa's head, causing the younger woman to gasp softly at the unexpected movement. Narcissa could feel her sister’s body fit snuggly against her own, effectively trapping her against the wall, and quite suddenly Bellatrix’s intentions were more than clear.

“You know how I am, and you know what I like,” Bellatrix breathed softly against her lips, as though her lust for violence was some sort of viable _excuse._ She could no doubt feel the blonde's breathing pick up a little from the intimate position, despite the terrible circumstances that Narcissa could not find it in her to condone. Though it may have been instinctual, that certainly did not mean that it was an invitation. “And love, you left me high and dry after making so many promises in that letter of yours. That's not very nice.”

“Bella, stop it,” Narcissa demanded, her voice wavering a little from the conflicting emotions that were assaulting her. She was completely devastated, and yet her sister honestly believed that this was an appropriate time to proposition her? She wanted to hit her for having such audacity. “We are not having sex in the woman's house that we just _murdered._ Now get off of me.”

At first Narcissa irrationally feared that Bellatrix wouldn’t do as she was told, but the brunette hesitated only momentarily before she exhaled a frustrated breath and pushed herself off of her. In the end, they both knew she wouldn't force the issue if Narcissa was uncomfortable, and the blonde exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. She knew Bellatrix wasn’t like how she had been when she had gone ‘mad’, but in the end it seemed some memories never happened to fade. 

“Fine, but you owe me,” Bellatrix grumbled, obviously not very pleased with having been turned down. It was such a childish response, but Narcissa understood why she was upset. Bellatrix had been just as excited for this weekend as she had been, and because of her, all of that had come crashing down. Regardless though, that wasn’t a reason to hold sex over her head like that.

“Don't do that,” Narcissa responded, visibly upset at how her sister was acting towards her. “Don't reduce our sex to some kind of business transaction, or something to be worked out in trade; that's not fair. Do you honestly think this is how I _wanted_ this weekend to turn out? I was so…” Narcissa’s voice hitched in her throat, more tears beginning to spill down her cheeks as she allowed the weight of the failure inside of her to crush her whole. “I wanted this weekend to be _special;_ I wanted you to feel loved and appreciated and do something romantic for _you_ for once, but I fucking ruined it. I ruin bloody everything all the time, and I’m so tired of it, Bella; I’m so _fucking_ tired of it…”

Narcissa openly wept then, and despite her sister’s current frustration with her over how this weekend had turned out, Bellatrix didn’t waste any time wrapping her up in her arms. In the end, she would always prioritize her sister’s feelings over her own, because she had spent years when she was younger always being utterly selfish and hurting her over it. “It’s just… it’s just shit timing, yeah? That’s all it is, love; it’s not you,” Bellatrix tried softly, but Narcissa just shook her head before burying her face into her sister’s neck, her fingers grasping for purchase from the only thing in her life that ever felt solid.

“I think I’m cursed,” she breathed sadly, which only made Bellatrix scoff in disbelief as she held a protective hand to the back of her sister’s head, her fingers curling into soft blonde tresses.

“Bullshit,” she told her, Bellatrix’s tone leaving no room for argument even though Narcissa felt as though she had a plethora of them. “If this is anyone’s bloody fault, it’s mine. I don’t listen to you, Cissy; I’m not careful, even though you beg me to be. It’s just that the secrecy of our relationship fucking suffocates me and that’s why I’m reckless all the time. I should have never come at you like that at Walburga’s, should have never wanted freedom around Rodolphus and I _definitely_ should have never…” 

But Bellatrix hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to word what she had done back then. It was obvious she was uncomfortable with the words ‘forced’ or even worse, ‘molested’, and therefore it took her a moment to finish, “I don’t know, I guess I just should have never _made_ you do anything with me in your dorm room the day that Roxanne bitch ended up seeing us, okay? So It’s always me, Cissy; it’s always _me_ that fucks us, not you. And I’m… I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry I’m making you feel like this, because it’s not your fault.”

Maybe not if you looked at it that way, but it still felt like it. And regardless, they were both in this relationship together, and therefore whatever one of them did, it always ended up directly falling on the shoulders of the other. It had always been that way, and no matter what came next, Narcissa knew that it always would. It was just the way of things with them, because they were bonded together in a way that had always transcended the limitations of any ‘normal’ relationship. They were different, they were inseparable, and so Narcissa just rested her cheek on her sister’s shoulders, her arms encircling the brunette’s waist as she softly begged, “Just take me home. I don’t want us to blame one another or ourselves anymore, I just… I just want to be with you; next to you, near you…”

Because at the end of the day, the only way Narcissa knew that she could justify any of this was the fact that whatever they did for one another, they had always done so for a reason, and that was so they could be happy; so they could feel loved, protected, and complete with one another, and so no matter what happened, Narcissa knew that every effort she had ever made would all lay to waste should she ever allow anything to separate them, and she could not allow that.

They were forever, Bellatrix and her. Together until the end, no matter what the cost.

Bellatrix exhaled a regrettable sounding breath at her sister’s request though, her eyes momentarily closing for a moment as her fingers gently massaged the back of Narcissa’s head. “There’s still things that need to be done, love. We can’t leave things like this.”

“Just burn it,” Narcissa begged, even though she knew that probably wasn’t the smartest decision in the world considering Margret’s body wouldn’t be found in the ashes. Still, it would at least explain the disappearance of the house elf and owl, in case Rookwood found it unlikely that she would take one or both with her. In the end though, Narcissa just wanted to get out of there, and so she convinced herself that she would deal with the possible repercussions later. She had had enough for one day. “Burn the whole sodding thing to the ground, and then we can be done with this. Then we can be together, all weekend, like we were meant to.”

Bellatrix pursed her lips, only briefly contemplating the intelligence of that plan. “…Fuck it,” she responded, apparently content that they could still get away with this even if they deviated from the original plan a little. Holding onto her sister tightly with one arm, her other grasped her wand before pointing it at the drapes on the far side of the room and casting, “ _Incendio._ ” 

The drapes erupted in flames, quickly spreading to the boxes near it as Bellatrix backed them both up towards the door. Narcissa was actually a little startled by the intense heat that began to build as it spread faster than she would have anticipated, the original flames meeting new ones after Bellatrix cast another spell that lit a pile of what looked to be old newspapers on fire. Narcissa grasped onto her sister’s robes, beginning to get a little concerned with how quickly everything was being immersed.

“Bella—Bella, let’s go!” she begged, tugging on Bellatrix’s clothing as she tried to encourage her to just leave the next room alone; surely it would all go up eventually anyhow.

“I need to make sure the fucking bodies get burned,” Bellatrix tried to explain to her after purposely tossing the stack of letters she had found into the flames. They turned to ash almost immediately, but Narcissa didn’t have time to breathe a sigh of a relief because she saw her sister trying to ascend the staircase, and with how close the fire was to them now, it wasn’t safe.

“No, Bella, just leave them!” Narcissa begged, grasping onto her sister’s arm and refusing to let go. She coughed then as the smoke began to thicken and spread throughout the house, the heat causing perspiration to speckle her forehead. “I promise you that they’re going to burn to ash like everything else in this bloody house, but we need to leave before _we_ do too!”

Bellatrix looked frustrated that she had acted without entirely thinking things through, and her gaze glanced up the stairs once more before she too began to cough a little. In the end, she was no doubt regretting not _starting_ with the bodies, but it was too late now. “Fuck,” she swore, before grasping onto her sister’s arms as the flames threatened to get closer and closer to them. It was starting to really frighten Narcissa, and Bellatrix, seeing that, finally relented with a begrudging, “…Fine, let’s go.”

They disapparated out of the Rookwood’s manor and back into Narcissa’s, the two of them still coughing a little from the smoke as they held onto one another. After Bellatrix seemed to be able to normalize her breathing though, she pulled away a little and told Narcissa in a tone filled with anger and self-blame, “That was stupid. I shouldn’t have fucking done that. If those bodies don’t burn…”

“They will,” Narcissa tried to assure her as she grasped her sister’s hand, trying to make her feel a sense of comfort that she could not find it within her to feel either. Perhaps it _was_ stupid, and perhaps it was all her fault for even suggesting it, but they couldn’t change how they had executed the plan now.

“I just wanted to get back here with you; I didn’t think,” Bellatrix spat, still infuriated with herself. She ran a frustrated hand through her own hair as she began to pace back and forth in the foyer. It was obvious she had never done anything half arsed before, and it wasn’t sitting well with her that she had done it now. “Fuck. I’m _better_ than that, and I don’t want my stupid mistakes putting you at risk. I should go back.”

“—No!” Narcissa cried, reaching for her once more. She didn’t care how many times Bellatrix pulled away during this, because she wasn’t letting her leave. Because she knew her sister, and she knew she’d do something reckless and unsafe in order to get what she wanted, and Narcissa couldn’t in good conscious allow her to put herself at risk like that. “It’s not safe, Bella, please. We’ll—we can go back in the morning if you want to make sure, but not while it’s still burning. Please,” she begged, placing her hands on her sister’s cheeks to try to garner her full attention. “Please, just stay here with me.” 

“We can’t go _back,_ ” Bellatrix snapped, as though that should have been obvious. She ripped her face out of her sister’s hands then, taking a couple steps backwards. “Not then; not when everyone and their bloody mother will know what happened to the manor. You know how quickly word spreads in our community, Cissy; don’t be stupid. Honestly I probably shouldn’t even go back _now_ , as someone could have already seen that it was burning, but if the fire gets put out prematurely and I’ve just left the evidence lying around like that…”

“Bella, please, it’ll be _fine!_ ” Narcissa begged, afraid of what would happen should Bellatrix return there. The whole bloody house could end up collapsing on her or something, and that _terrified_ her. It had already been ablaze too long, and the entire frame was no doubt very unstable at this point. “And even if it isn’t – even if someone realizes the house elf was tortured to death before the house burned – how will anyone know _you_ were the one who did it? We burned the letters, Bella, and that was the only thing pointing back to us! Everyone will probably just think the Dark Lord did it—”

“Maybe everyone else, but not Rookwood,” Bellatrix told her darkly, now the one between them to be paranoid. It was such a radical role reversal that Narcissa wasn’t quite sure what to do. “Not the other Death Eaters. The Dark Lord will be honest with Rookwood should he ask, as He has never been shy about openly admitting to murdering people before, even if they were someone that one of His inner circle cared about. Nott’s situation was proof enough of that.”

“Bella… Bella, look at me. Come here,” Narcissa tried, reaching out for her sister one last time. Bellatrix exhaled a frustrated sigh but did take the blonde’s hands, allowing Narcissa to gently pull her towards her. “Hey,” Narcissa breathed, trying to be the rational one this time; or perhaps just the hopeful one. In the end, they knew they _both_ couldn’t spiral, as they were both utterly reckless without the other holding them down. 

They couldn’t afford that. Not now.

“Even if Rookwood found out, what could he do to you?” Narcissa asked, at least knowing the reality of the situation between all of the Death Eaters; she had heard enough of it between not only her sister, but Lucius and Rodolphus as well. “You’re the Dark Lord’s favorite; do you really think he’ll allow Rookwood to take vengeance on you, or to inform the authorities? That draws too much attention towards all of you, and it would be foolish.”

“I’m not fucking scared of him, Cissy, if that’s what you’re implying; I could easily take that prick _blindfolded_ while doing bloody backflips,” Bellatrix scoffed, her eyes rolling a little at the ridiculous notion that she could ever be concerned with something like _that._ “But no, even if the ponce wanted to go after me for it, it’s doubtful that the Dark Lord would even let him. Regardless though, if anyone ever did find out that that house came to ruin because of _me_ , it would raise the question of where Margret was, and not only what I did to her, but _why_ I did it to her. I don’t want that coming back to you, Cissy; I don’t want you dragged into the bloody middle of this.”

“I’m already in the fucking middle of this, Bella, _I’m_ the one that killed her!” Narcissa exclaimed, wondering if her sister even remembered that little detail, or if she was so content on putting all of this on herself that she somehow forgot the reality of it. 

“Yes, and in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been trying very hard to make sure no one ever finds that out!” Bellatrix snapped back, clearly frustrated with the entire situation. “I don’t _care_ anymore if people know my secrets, Cissy; the only person I ever needed to hide them from accepts me for them, and so I do this for _you._ I do this because you could never bear the world looking at you like you’re something vile, sick, or unnatural. I do this so you don’t bloody kill yourself when you lose the respect of everyone around you, so I, in no way, want the entire world to find out why that bitch died, alright? Not because I’m ashamed of it like you are, but because I’m fucking scared I’ll lose you if the truth ever comes out. _That’s_ why I want you nowhere near this, Cissy. That’s why I’m trying to protect you; so just let me, alright?!”

“But who’s going to _know?!_ ” Narcissa tried to rationalize, her eyes searching her sister’s as she begged for her to understand. She was just scared what would happen should she go back there to fix her mistake; whether she got caught, or trapped, or hurt, or something even worse than that. “Bella, those letters are _gone_. Margret is dead, Rodolphus is under the Unbreakable Vow, and Lucius…” But she hesitated then, and that’s when Bellatrix shot her a look that told Narcissa that she had just unintentionally proved her point.

“And Lucius will know that I did it for _you,_ ” Bellatrix told her softly, perhaps to soften the blow of Narcissa realizing that she was losing this argument. “He may not know the extent of our relationship, love, but he knows enough to know that I would only do something not directly ordered by the Dark Lord for _you._ Do you really want him questioning why? Because he will, and if you can’t give him a sufficient enough answer, he’ll know you’re lying. You’ve lied to him before, after all, and always about me. He knows that, and you and I both know you can’t have that right now.”

Narcissa exhaled a devastated breath at that, knowing she wouldn’t have an answer for Lucius if he came asking about it. What could she tell him? What _justified_ Bellatrix doing something like that for her, except for the truth? A singular tear fell from her eye then, and Bellatrix reached up and wiped it off her cheek. “I’ll be alright,” she assured her. “But I need to make sure. Just wait for me, okay? I won’t be long.”

“Bella, please…” Narcissa tried, more tears leaking from her eyes. “Please, it’s not safe…”

She knew she was losing, and she knew Bellatrix was going to go, but she couldn’t stop trying. She feared something would happen to her should she go back into the house, and that scared her more than anything. She couldn’t lose Bellatrix over her own mistake; she wouldn’t be able to bear it. But Bellatrix had already made her decision, and she gently kissed her forehead before stepping away. “Twenty minutes,” she told her regrettably, knowing she was scaring Narcissa but not seeing any other option. “That’s all I need. I’ll see you soon.”

And then she disapparated, leaving Narcissa alone in her parlor filled with a sense of dread and devastation that that might be the last time she ever saw her sister alive.

It took longer than twenty minutes, and Narcissa was hysterically crying by the time Bellatrix returned to her. And when she did, she looked _terrible._ Her robes were singed, she looked as though she had been burned in multiple places, and that she had even lost some of her hair to the flames that she had immersed herself in for no other reason than to protect her sister. She was coughing rather terribly, the black smoke having inhabited her lungs for far too long that it was making it difficult to breathe. Narcissa cried out her name as she rushed towards her, tears staining her cheeks as she held on to her and demanded to know if she was alright.

“F…ine,” Bellatrix wheezed, hissing after her sister’s embrace made contact with some of her burned flesh. Narcissa let go of her immediately. “It’s… done. Just… make some… I need burn healing paste.” She coughed again, this terrible sound that caused Narcissa’s heart to lodge itself in her throat as she looked at her, at a loss of what to do.

She was practically shaking as she struggled to tell her, “I don’t know—I don’t know how to make it, Bella, I don’t…”

“I’ll… I’ll tell you,” Bellatrix struggled to say, still coughing far too much for Narcissa’s comfort. She looked awful, and Narcissa hated herself for doing this to her. “Kitchen,” Bellatrix directed, using Narcissa’s arm to help her stand upright so she can walk. “Now.”

Narcissa did as she was told, and after she had made the paste and began spreading the thick orange substance on her sister’s skin, she was thankfully starting to breathe a little more normally. Narcissa was still crying though, hating that this was entirely her fault; she should have just allowed Bellatrix to do things her way, instead of selfishly just wanting some sense of comfort from her in her own home. In the end, she hadn’t even gotten what she had wanted, and it only made everything worse.

With some help, Bellatrix had shed herself of everything other than her undergarments in order for Narcissa to be able to see everywhere that she had been burned, and the amount of seared flesh had sickened her. She didn’t know how Bellatrix was handling the pain, as it must have been excruciating. “I’m sorry,” Narcissa sobbed as she continued to care for her sister, who at least seemed to be doing much better after the paste began to cover her wounds. “I’m so sorry, Bella, I’m so sorry…”

“Stop,” Bellatrix gently responded, placing a hand atop her sister’s that had rested on the brunette’s thigh after she had covered the last of her burns. The paste was quick-working, and Narcissa knew that in a few hours she’d look as good as new, but it still killed her inside. “I’m fine, Cissy, and I’ve been through much worse. Believe me, this is nothing.”

She knew Bellatrix was just trying to down-play it though to try to diminish the blame that Narcissa felt over all of this though, and the blonde just continued to cry softly as she rose from her place on the floor, coming around to stand behind her sister who was sitting on the kitchen stool. Using the spell that her mother had once used before she had beat her and left her raw for weeks when she was only nine years old, Narcissa used her wand in order to grow Bellatrix’s hair back to normal. She had always hated that she remembered this spell, but now in some backwards way, she was thankful that her mother had done this to her, because she knew they needed to make Bellatrix look as though nothing had happened to her.

“Cissy,” Bellatrix tried once Narcissa was through with her hair, reaching back to clasp onto her sister’s wrist. Gently guiding her to come around the chair so she could face her, Bellatrix looked up at her and told her, “This isn’t you fault. It was my decision to go back there, not yours; and I’m fine. So just stop, yeah? Just take me to bed and we can forget that this ever happened. I know that’s what you want.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, another tear descending torturously down the contour of her cheek, but she nodded. Because Bellatrix was right, she did want to forget. Still, the magnitude of what Bellatrix had done wasn’t lost on her, and as her sister stood to meet her height, more tears fell from Narcissa’s eyes as she wrapped her in her arms and sobbed out her gratitude. “Thank you. Thank you for saving me, Bella…”

Bellatrix held onto her tightly, her lips finding her sister’s cheek before she breathed, “I’ll always walk through fire for you, love.” And Narcissa, who had always just believed that her sister was rather hyperbolic when it came to her dramatic declarations of love, finally understood that Bellatrix had always meant every word. “Until my dying fucking day, Narcissa, I promise I’ll do whatever I can to protect you. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been bloody good at anyhow.”

And perhaps that wasn’t entirely true, but Narcissa appreciated it all the same, and vowed to do whatever she could to make Bellatrix really _feel_ how thankful she was to have her in her life. If nothing else, Narcissa knew that she deserved it after that. 

Bellatrix deserved _everything_ after that.

**TBC…**


	25. XXV. Autumn, 1978

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE  
Autumn 1978**

“Do you enjoy this…?” Narcissa breathed softly, her supple lips slowly dragging down the brunette’s spine. Bellatrix noticeably shivered at the gentle touch, one hand grasping onto the edge of the large vanity as she was suddenly made aware of the fact that she was no longer alone. “Being the woman for once?”

Bellatrix chuckled a little, amused by the way Narcissa had worded that. “Since it seemed to escape your notice, I’ve always been a woman, Cissy,” she breathed in amusement, the sound of contentment from her sister’s gentle kisses suddenly turning into a loud groan once Narcissa had bit her shoulder in retaliation to that response.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“No, you meant if I was enjoying not being the aggressor for once,” Bellatrix corrected, feeling her sister sweep her long curls over her shoulder before covering the sensitive skin beneath her ear with her mouth. Bellatrix’s knuckles flashed white in response as her grip on the vanity tightened, and her voice came out a little breathless as she continued, “And I’m telling you your idea of traditional gender rolls can suck my left tit. I’m never the _man_ when I fuck you, Cissy, and you better never view me as such.”

Narcissa lightly rolled her eyes as she moved to place another kiss on the very back of Bellatrix’s neck, her fingers curling a little possessively in her sister’s hair as she held it out of the way. Honestly, sometimes Bellatrix was just so damn _grumpy_ in the mornings. “Don’t get cross with me, I was just asking a question.”

“And I was just correcting you,” Bellatrix defended, another soft groan being exhaled from her lips as Narcissa bit her again in retaliation to being utterly difficult. She was starting to wonder if Bellatrix was correcting her just because she enjoyed annoying her, as the woman had certainly understood what she had meant before. “Top me all you want, love; but in the end, it won’t make you any closer to a man, and honestly I’m bloody fucking glad for that.”

“Fine, perhaps not,” Narcissa conceded, but only because it had given her a great opening in which to surprise her sister. After they had finally stopped fucking long enough this morning to eat breakfast, when Bellatrix returned upstairs to get ready for the day, Narcissa had taken the opportunity to rummage through a private stash she had hidden specifically from Lucius. And when she returned, she was happy to find that Bellatrix had yet to get into the shower, as she would feel a little bad if she forced her sister to wash herself a second time. 

Bellatrix still hadn’t looked behind her, Narcissa having snuck up on her while she was brushing her hair successfully enough so that she had no idea what it was that her sister was wearing. And so after Narcissa hiked up her sister’s thin robe, she grasped the phallus between her thighs and told her pointedly “…But maybe _this_ does,” as she tantalizingly ran the tip of it up the crack of the other woman’s arse.

Bellatrix’s lips parted in surprise as she exhaled a hard breath, apparently not having expected something like that from her. Narcissa had _never_ been the one to wear the strap on, after all, and the blonde prayed that was just because she had never offered, and not because her sister didn’t enjoy it. She was trying _so_ hard to make Bellatrix feel appreciated and loved, especially after what happened yesterday, and as her sister had always responded more to physical appreciation than emotional, Narcissa vowed to spend the whole day in bed with her and practice a role-reversal they had never really known before.

As much as Bellatrix liked getting fucked, it seemed she was always the one giving more than receiving, and Narcissa wanted to change that. Bellatrix had only given her one orgasm thus far whilst she had given her sister four, and to be honest Narcissa was enjoying this much more than she thought she would. She had always been rather selfish after all, and so it stood to reason that being the one to _give_ so much could end up being rather frustrating for her. In the end though, it seemed Bellatrix was the exception to the rule; she just hoped that it worked the other way around as well. 

Bellatrix chuckled a little though as Narcissa teased her, the shaft still rubbing along her sensitive skin as the blonde fisted her sister’s hair in her hand, encouraging her to bend over the vanity. Bellatrix did as she was told, allowing her stance to widen in response as she practically purred, “You sure you know what to do with that, love?”

“I think I understand the concept, yeah,” Narcissa responded with a little eye roll, her voice slightly breathless as she watched her sister allow her to do as she pleased. She forced her down a little more until Bellatrix’s breasts were pressed against the flat surface of the vanity, the woman’s face now so close to the mirror that every breath she took left a little puff of fog on the reflective surface. “ _Jesus…_ ” Narcissa breathed, the appreciation of this moment evident in her voice as a fresh flood of arousal dampened the space between her thighs. “You look bloody fucking _gorgeous_ like this, Bella…”

“Like what; at your mercy?” Bellatrix asked, this mock innocence in her voice as she spread her legs a little wider for her on purpose, giving Narcissa a glorious view of her plump and reddened nether lips. She clearly wasn’t the only one who was turned on by this, and it was so strange because if you had asked Narcissa five years ago if she could ever see them having this kind of dynamic, she would have laughed at you. And maybe in the end, if given a choice, Bellatrix would always prefer to be the aggressor and was only getting off on this because she enjoyed the fact that _Narcissa_ clearly was, but it didn’t matter; all that mattered at this moment was that Narcissa was certain she was going to give her sister the best bloody orgasm of her _life,_ and she couldn’t sodding wait to make her scream.

“I’m not so foolish that I would believe that you’d ever give me that kind of power,” Narcissa answered honestly, voice barely above a whisper as she grasped the phallus in her right palm, positioning it where she needed it to go. She could see her sister’s small smirk in the reflection of the mirror, apparently enjoying the fact that her sister knew that the closest Bellatrix could ever get to a submissive would be if she acted as a power bottom, but Narcissa didn’t care. She’d take it; she’d take anything Bellatrix was willing to give her. “But if this is the closest I can get, then so be it.”

She pushed into her then and Bellatrix groaned, taking the entire thing up to its hilt without so much as flinching from the intrusion. “ _Fuck,_ ” the brunette breathed, forehead resting against the reflective surface of the mirror, her hard exhale leaving a light film in its wake. Narcissa smirked a little at the reaction, as it sounded as though Bellatrix was almost surprised at how good it felt. 

Before, the most Bellatrix had in her was a couple fingers, outside of the handful of times she had slept with men. The latter was something she automatically checked out during though, no doubt not allowing herself to feel how good it felt to be filled completely by something because she was fairly repulsed by the package it came in. Now though, Bellatrix was allowing herself to feel it, and as Narcissa began to gently slide in and out of her, she took note of the look of unabashed pleasure on her sister’s face as the phallus hit the sensitive spot inside of her each and every time. 

“You’re enjoying this more than you thought you would,” Narcissa lightly teased, her lips pressed against the smoothness of her sister’s shoulder. She grinned then, the expression being etched on Bellatrix’s skin, who scoffed in response.

“Don’t get cocky, Cissy, because you and I both know that I can rip that arrogance out from under you before even realize you’ve lost it,” Bellatrix countered breathlessly, causing Narcissa to outright roll her eyes at the blatant attempt to keep control of the situation.

Wrapping an arm around her sister’s torso as she held her against her body, Narcissa gently began sliding in and out of Bellatrix, allowing the other woman to get used to the object inside of her. “Can’t you ever just allow yourself to enjoy something?” she asked softly, watching her sister’s reflection bite down hard on her bottom lip as the pleasure began to overtake her. “It doesn’t make you weak to let someone else give you pleasure, Bella.”

“Oh… _please,_ ” Bellatrix half scoffed, half moaned as her sister pushed into her once more. Her grip tightening on the edge of the vanity, she reminded her, “This is… _hardly_ the first time we’ve fucked, Cissy; I’ve let you give me pleasure countless times before.”

“But never with something so obviously out of your comfort zone.”

“Christ,” Bellatrix exhaled, clearly frustrated as she straightened her back and reached behind her, grasping onto a tangle of blonde hair hard enough to make Narcissa whimper. “Stop bloody psychoanalyzing me and just _fuck_ me, Cissy!” she exclaimed with a hard tug, slamming her hips back down into the phallus as she demanded that the conversation cease. Bellatrix never liked being put under a microscope though, and Narcissa, having expected the reaction, just rolled her eyes at her before forcefully untangling her sister’s hand from her hair and pushing her forwards to practically slam her upper torso against the mirror.

Bellatrix grunted uncomfortably at the force behind the repositioning, clearly not having expected something of that caliber after the things Narcissa had said to her, but the blonde’s patience was waning anyway and if Bellatrix wanted to be fucked then so be it. Wrapping one arm around the other woman’s thigh, Narcissa hoisted it up in order to encourage Bellatrix to rest it on the surface of the vanity before pushing her hips into hers so hard that it caused the brunette to nearly choke on her breath. 

“ _Shit,_ ” Bellatrix gasped, her fingers curling so her nails raked against the wood beneath her hand. Keeping her grip firmly on her sister’s hips, Narcissa began slamming into her without any more pretense of buildup or adjustment, giving Bellatrix exactly what she asked for. In the end, the point of this was so Bellatrix felt appreciated for all the things she did for her, and so if Bellatrix didn’t want to be teased about it then Narcissa wasn’t going to continue doing so. 

And yes, perhaps it was so disastrously fucked up, that there they were having sex not twenty-four hours later after covering up a murder, but Narcissa wanted to both show her gratitude towards Bellatrix and forget about the previous day’s events entirely, and so instead of dwelling she threw herself entirely into pleasuring her sister. It made her feel saner that way, even if that probably meant that she was anything but.

“Ci…ssy… _fuck,_ ” Bellatrix struggled to swear through her labored breathing, her torso being slammed up against the mirror with each and every thrust of her sister’s hips. Her lips were parted in a permanent ‘O’, her eyes screwed tightly shut as the pleasure began to overwhelm her, and Narcissa knew she had never witnessed a more erotic sight. Bellatrix was practically _growling_ as she began slamming her hips against Narcissa’s with just as much force as she was being given, this expression of utter desperation and need on her face as she demanded the pleasure she needed from her.

“Harder!” Bellatrix practically shouted at her as she straightened her spine, leaning back against her sister’s breasts as she reached behind her to grab a fist-full of blonde hair. Narcissa bit her neck in response and Bellatrix swore, her nails digging into the younger woman’s scalp. She could feel how wet her sister was as secretions began to drip down Bellatrix’s thighs, the substance sticking to Narcissa’s skin each and every time she pushed against her. She sped up the pace as asked though, and this low rumble of approval ripped from Bellatrix’s throat before she swore again, her insides clenching hard around the object inside of her.

The fact that they were doing this in front of a mirror was, arguably, the best part about it. Narcissa looked over her sister’s shoulder to see their reflection, and watching Bellatrix desperately fuck herself against her cock was incredibly arousing. It wasn’t often that Bellatrix allowed Narcissa to have any semblance of control in the bedroom, and even if she was pulling her hair and demanding things Narcissa knew that at the end of the day if she wanted to completely dominate her in this moment then she could because at this point, Bellatrix was far too turned on to dispute it.

Which she then did, because what theory was sound without proper testing?

Bellatrix’s fingers were untangled from her once more and she was bent over and slammed into the vanity so roughly that it caused the older woman to cry out in surprise beneath her. “Stay down,” Narcissa growled at her, placing a firm hand atop the brunette’s back to keep her in place. “Stay down and I promise if you’re good, _pet,_ I’ll give you multiple orgasms you won’t soon forget.”

Narcissa knew she was pushing it with the ‘pet’, but she just couldn’t help herself. 

Bellatrix laughed though; this throaty, broken sound from how hoarse her voice was getting from all the screaming she had done today as Narcissa had brought her to the edge over and over again. “You… _fucking_ …” she tried, but that was as far as she could get because Narcissa grabbed a fist-full of dark curls and began pounding into her without hesitation or remorse, and Bellatrix ended up choking on her words as a loud moan was forced from her throat instead.

“Fucking what?” Narcissa goaded, obviously getting off on this role reversal. “ _Bitch?_ ” She knew Bellatrix well enough to know what she was going to say, but it only amused her. “Don’t be cross with me, my love,” she continued in a sickly-sweet voice, breathing a little labored as she continued to slam her hips against her sister’s, not giving Bellatrix a moment’s break. “I think if you give it a chance, you’ll find you like being taken like this.” A slow smirk crossed over the blonde’s face then as she took note of the look on Bellatrix’s face as she allowed the tip of the phallus to hit her sister’s g-spot with every thrust. “In fact, I think you already _do…_ ”

“Shut… _up,_ ” Bellatrix growled, her tone holding an underlying warning that they both knew she wasn’t going to back up, as she was far too close to coming to fight with her now. Narcissa chuckled but didn’t push it, not wanting to actually irritate Bellatrix so much that she prioritized getting control back over her own orgasm. So instead she grasped onto her sister’s hips with both hands, her nails digging into the soft skin beneath her palms, and began forcing a fast-paced rhythm that had Bellatrix’s throat becoming raw from how much screaming she was doing.

“Fu…ck, _fuck,_ Cis—Jesus, I… bloody _Christ_ , yes…!” Bellatrix shouted, her whole body beginning to flush a deep rose as she grew closer and closer to the edge. And Narcissa, unable to help herself due to the power trip she was currently experiencing, ended up slapping her sister’s arse so hard it left a red hand print just as Bellatrix’s eyes fell tightly shut and she screamed bloody murder as she came hard and fast against Narcissa’s make-shift cock.

Bellatrix then had a full five seconds to catch her breath before Narcissa was back at it again.

“—Bloody _hell,_ ” Bellatrix gasped, her hand slamming so hard against the surface of the mirror that it actually physically cracked beneath her palm. If Narcissa was in any other mindset she would have yelled at her for the destruction of her property, but having Bellatrix bent over and at her mercy was too powerful of a feeling to care about much else. Bellatrix was practically screaming in ecstasy as she pounded into her, and another hard slam of her palm against the mirror cracked the glass even more, leaving spider webs in their wake as Bellatrix sobbed out her unabashed pleasure.

A couple more hard slaps to Bellatrix’s arse left it reddened and raw, and Bellatrix swore loudly, no doubt attempting to plot her revenge for such a display. Narcissa didn’t care though; no matter how Bellatrix planned to ‘punish’ her for doing this to her, she knew that it would be so, so worth it. In the end, they both knew that Bellatrix was enjoying it, even if a part of the other woman was irritated with the fact that Narcissa forced her to realize that perhaps she didn’t have to be the one in control all the time to enjoy sex. And as Bellatrix came hard for the second time within a few minutes, Narcissa grinned as she allowed herself to be caught up in this new and erotic experience; it was like a high she had never felt before, and it washed over her in waves in very much the same way that Bellatrix’s orgasm did.

Bellatrix was breathing hard as Narcissa finally stilled, needing a moment to recuperate her energy as well. It wasn’t often that she was the aggressor, and so she couldn’t go as long as she wished she could without a bit of a breather first. Unfortunately (or perhaps very fortunately, depending on which way one looked at it), Bellatrix took advantage of her weakness in that area and used what was left of her strength to push Narcissa off of her, causing the phallus to slide and fall out of her body. Narcissa’s breasts were heaving the same as her sister’s, but Bellatrix had determination in her eyes as she turned around and forced herself to ignore her body’s exhaustion. Two firm hands hit Narcissa’s chest then and she stumbled back against the bed, her knees hitting the side of the mattress before she came tumbling down on her back.

“You’re… gonna pay for that,” Bellatrix told her through heavily labored breaths, and Narcissa felt her insides clench in need just from the look in her sister’s eyes. Bellatrix approached her before one of her hands wrapped around the straps that bound the cock to the blonde’s hips, pulling on it just enough to loosen it. The entire thing was ripped from Narcissa’s body and thrown carelessly on the other side of the bed, and Narcissa yelped a little in surprise and anticipation as firm hands forced both of her legs up, Bellatrix’s arm wrapping around them to keep them together as she gave herself a perfect view of Narcissa’s cunt and arse.

“Bella…” she tried warningly, because she had a feeling where this was going to go. Bellatrix just smirked wickedly though, her fingers sliding over the abundant wetness between the blonde’s thighs, causing Narcissa’s clit to twitch in need as she struggled not to moan outright already.

“You want to play with comfort zones?” Bellatrix teased, this evil gleam in her eyes as she briefly dipped her fingers into Narcissa’s waiting heat, getting them slicked for what they both knew was coming next. “You want to force me to enjoy being on the receiving end of something that I liked to pretend I didn’t want? You forget, love, I’ve fucked you for a _long_ time, and even though you might like to pretend you’re too prim and proper now to enjoy something so utterly _filthy,_ I remember a time when you _begged_ me to fuck you harder when I was knuckle deep inside that perfect little arse of yours.”

“Bell—” Narcissa tried to feebly protest, but her words were cut off by a deep moan as one of her sister’s fingers slid easily into her tight passageway. God, she hated her. She might have enjoyed this once, but she was an adult now, and she wasn’t… she wasn’t _supposed_ to. Regardless of what she tried to convince herself of though, when a second finger followed the first Narcissa’s eyes fell closed and she gasped out a needy sounding, “… _Shit,_ ” as her body enjoyed exactly what it was being given.

“Tell me you’re a filthy little bitch, Cissy,” Bellatrix growled, her fingers beginning to build up a rather torturous rhythm inside of her that was causing Narcissa’s breaths to come out in short, erratic bursts as she tried desperately not to give Bellatrix the satisfaction of knowing that a part of her immensely enjoyed this. “Admit you love being fucked in the arse like the dirty whore that you are; I want to hear you bloody _say it._ ”

“Fuck… _you,_ ” Narcissa stressed through a soft moan before she bit the skin on the back of her hand, her back arching upwards as Bellatrix’s fingers found themselves deeper within her. God, she wanted it more, she wanted it harder, and she hated her for that. But then again, that was probably how Bellatrix felt when she fucked her on the vanity, so perhaps this really was an apt punishment for her. If Narcissa wasn’t on a receiving end of the torture, she probably would have found it impressive. 

A wide smirk etched itself across Bellatrix’s face then as she looked down at her and negotiated with a pointed eyebrow raise, “Say it and I’ll use the strap on.” Narcissa insides automatically clenched at that thought without any kind of permission from her brain because of course if she was thinking clearly she would _never_ want such a thing, but Bellatrix’s smirk just widened even further as she informed her, “I felt that, you know.”

“Oh, shut _up,_ ” Narcissa groaned, still caught up in the slow penetration that her sister was giving her that unfortunately wasn’t anywhere near what she needed. Damn her; Bellatrix obviously knew that a part of her wanted it, which destroyed any chance of her just conveniently _allowing_ it to happen whilst pretending in the end that it was mostly Bellatrix’s doing. Perhaps she could plead temporary insanity after this; say that she was too caught up in the moment to think clearly, and that this was only a one-time occurrence, never to be repeated because she was a proper woman who could never find enjoyment in something so vile and unnatural?

Yeah, right.

Ugh. God _damn_ her.

“Tick tock…”

“Fuck you; I want you to do me in the arse with the bloody strap on, alright?!” Narcissa practically shouted in frustration, hating that she lost this game. Regardless though, she wasn’t about to go down without at least _some_ things being on her terms. “But let it be noted that this confession was extracted under extreme duress and doesn’t have any bearing of what I may or may not want in the future, so I don’t want you holding this over my head for the rest of my bloody life.”

“’Extreme duress’?” Bellatrix responded with a laugh, slowly extracting her fingers from her sister’s body, causing Narcissa to groan slightly at the loss of them. As Bellatrix grabbed the strap on off the other side of the bed, she continued with a chuckle at Narcissa’s expense, “What ‘duress’ are you claiming, exactly? Unbearable hornyness?” 

“Please stop talking before I change my mind.”

Bellatrix chuckled as she put the harness around her, securing the straps in place. “Oh, darling, it won’t be _you_ who changes their mind right now. _Me,_ on the other hand… I still haven’t heard the rest of what I wanted you to say, so I’m wondering right now how much you really want that orgasm.”

Oh, what a _bitch._

“That’s not fair,” Narcissa whined, spreading her legs so her sister could get between them. Bellatrix grabbed the cock and slapped her clit with it hard, causing Narcissa to groan softly whilst cursing her sister to high heavens inside of her head. “I didn’t make _you_ say anything demeaning.”

“Well it’s hardly my fault that you don’t know to wield power correctly when you have it,” Bellatrix reasoned with a devious smirk, slapping Narcissa’s cunt with the phallus once more for effect. Narcissa groaned, her insides clenching with need. “Now _say it._ ”

Narcissa was counting the different ways she was going to kill her later, but she was already so disastrously turned on that she knew she didn’t have much choice in the matter. Bellatrix was evil and should she decide that Narcissa wasn’t adhering to her wishes properly, she would easily walk away and leave her high and dry for no other reason than the amusement it would give her to hear Narcissa scream at her for it for hours on end. 

“Fine, I’m a filthy bitch, a dirty _slut;_ is that what you want to hear?!” Narcissa exclaimed, frustrated and yet turned on beyond all sane reasoning. She hated her for this but _God,_ she needed it too. It had been ages since she had had a proper, dirty fuck, and sometimes she was just in the mood for something a little more… _unhinged._

“Whore, actually.”

“Oh, fuck _you,_ you awful, awful woman,” Narcissa seethed as Bellatrix’s smirk widened in amusement. Reaching up to grasp onto her sister’s hips, Narcissa forced the phallus against her aching center as she continued angrily, “Just fuck me like the dirty whore I am or _so help me, Bellatrix…!_ ”

“Mmm…” Bellatrix purred, clearly getting off on the power she forcefully had taken back from the other woman. “You’re so pretty when you’re _compliant,_ my love…” she breathed, gently stroking Narcissa’s cheek like she was nothing but an obedient pet that she adored solely due to the fact that she obviously worshipped her.

God, she hated her. She _hated—_

But that was about as far as Narcissa got with that thought process, as suddenly Bellatrix pushed inside of her, getting the phallus slick with the blonde’s juices so she could take her in the arse without hurting her. Narcissa groaned in pleasure at the intrusion, all of her senses heightening as Bellatrix began to thrust in and out of her a few times. It was short lasting though and after she pulled out, Bellatrix placed the tip at Narcissa’s other entrance as she demanded, _“Beg.”_

“Please,” Narcissa pleaded automatically, although refused to just roll over and be _completely_ submissive as she finished with more of a demand than a plea. “Please you awful _bitch,_ just fuck me before I go bloody mental…!”

Bellatrix laughed at that, but thankfully did as she was told this time and grasped Narcissa’s hips as she gently slid inside of her. Narcissa was honestly surprised that she didn’t just barrel into her, but found she was thankful for her sister’s forethought because it wasn’t as though she had ever had anything that big in her arse before. It was tight, a little uncomfortably so even, but Narcissa knew that would eventually pass. She just needed time for her body to adjust, and Bellatrix gave that to her as she started sliding in and out of her in a relatively slow rhythm.

“…You alright?” Bellatrix asked softly, dropping the dominating act for a moment to check in with her. The amount of care in her sister’s voice actually made Narcissa forget for a moment that she was irritated with her, and she bit down on her bottom lip and nodded in response as she looked up at her.

“Yeah, it’s just… tight,” Narcissa gasped out, feeling so completely filled in a way she never had before. It was strange, but ultimately very satisfying. “ _God…_ ” she groaned as Bellatrix pushed into her a little harder this time, causing Narcissa’s head to fall back in pleasure as her lips parted. “God, I hate you for this…” she breathed, which only caused Bellatrix to smirk again in amusement.

“Because you like it?”

“Because I _love_ it…” Narcissa groaned in a haze, half-aware of the fact that she would probably eat that little confession later. Bellatrix would never let her live it down, that was for sure. Right now though, that didn’t matter; all that mattered was getting fucked raw by her sister, as Bellatrix had somehow managed to awaken something in her that craved filth and utter debauchery as she begged, “Fuck, Bella, put your fingers inside me…” 

Bellatrix smiled wickedly, her eyes gleaming as she growled low in her throat. “Little Miss Prim and Proper wants to be done in both holes, does she? Jesus, that’s bloody _priceless…_ ” Two fingers found their way inside of Narcissa’s body though before she could tell her to fuck off for _that_ comment, and all Narcissa could do was arch her back and moan as she grasped at the sheets beneath her, the fabric getting crumpled in her palms. 

Yes, she definitely hated her for this, but for the sake of what she knew was going to be one of the best orgasms of her life, Narcissa pushed that aside and became the wanton slut Bellatrix both wanted and expected her to be because at the end of the day if she was going to do this, then she might as well do it _right._

After all, Narcissa Malfoy was nothing but a perfectionist.

“Harder,” she begged, now that her body had fully adjusted to the intrusion. She wanted to be taken so roughly that she had trouble walking tomorrow morning, and she wasn’t going to let Bellatrix stop until she achieved that. She wanted to be reddened and raw, sensitive to the touch, she wanted to feel so completely and utterly _violated_ that she could still feel Bellatrix inside of her hours afterwards. And so when Bellatrix went to work on achieving just that, Narcissa could do nothing else but allow her body be thrust into again and again as she screamed and cried out expletives, her breasts bouncing so hard from the force of her sister’s body that it was almost painful.

It didn’t matter though, as Narcissa loved it. The pain was worth it in the end because the pleasure _far_ outweighed it, and the look of animalistic desire on her sister’s face as she completely owned every part of her body only heightened Narcissa’s arousal as she began to feel like Bellatrix’s property again. “Do what you want with me,” Narcissa begged, throwing herself entirely into a submissive fantasy that not a half hour ago she was fighting firmly against, because she didn’t _always_ want to be this way. Even still though, there would always be a part of Narcissa that got off on being Bellatrix’s little pet. That would never change. “I’m yours, I’m yours…!”

“Damn fucking right you are,” Bellatrix growled, extracting her hand from the Narcissa’s cunt to reach forwards and possessively grasp the blonde’s chin in her hand. Narcissa groaned, rolling her head to the side in order to put Bellatrix’s fingers into her mouth as her sister continued to pound into her relentlessly with the strap on. “This little defiant streak you’ve been having lately is cute I’ll admit, but _this_ is where you’re always going to belong, Cissy. Do you hear me? You’re _my_ bitch, and don’t you fucking forget it.”

“Bella… _Bella…_ ” Narcissa wined, feeling herself getting closer but unable to do much about it. She knew what she wanted to do, but with the game they were now playing she knew she couldn’t without permission. Thankfully Bellatrix had always known her needs better than anyone else, and a hard slap came down on her soaked and aching center that had Narcissa yelping with need.

“I’m not a bloody mind-reader, Cissy, so if you’ve got something to ask, then _ask,_ ” she demanded, even though they both knew exactly what it was that Narcissa wanted. Bellatrix always enjoyed when she made her _say_ it though, it was just a part of how she got herself off.

“Please,” Narcissa begged, her chest beginning to flush in need as her nipples tightened rather unbearably. “Please, my clit…”

“Oh, your clit needs some attention?” Bellatrix goaded, still continuously pushing the phallus in and out of her tight passageway. It was enough to drive Narcissa crazy and she whimpered, nodding emphatically. “What kind of attention, hmm? Something like this?” Bellatrix’s palm came down hard against her aching center once more, and Narcissa cried out in both pain and pleasure.

“Fuck,” Narcissa gasped, her entire pussy tingling with the aftermath of the firm slap. “Fuck, maybe…”

Bellatrix’s eyebrows nearly rose off her forehead and she noticeably paused. “…Yeah?” she sounded like she couldn’t believe that Narcissa was really for that, when she thought she could maybe get away with it just a few times at most. But Narcissa had already fallen far enough down the rabbit hole, so what was to stop her from reaching the bottom? So she bit her bottom lip and nodded, inviting Bellatrix to do that again, and the brunette’s entire face practically lit up like a kid at Christmas.

“Shit, Cissy, I gotta hand it to you; you never do anything half-arsed, do you?” Bellatrix responded in appreciation before allowing the flat of her hand to connect with her pussy again. Narcissa lurched and groaned, the feeling spreading down her thighs. “God, I love when you get into one of these moods,” Bellatrix growled, slapping her again and again. Narcissa cried out in pleasure, the heat in her abdomen spreading substantially from the violation of her most intimate areas.

“God, _yes,_ ” Narcissa moaned, reaching up to twist and tug at her own nipples. “Hurt me; make me scream, Bellatrix!” 

And Bellatrix, being the devoted lover that she was, eagerly obliged. 

She began pounding into her with renewed vigor, alternating her hard slaps with soothing rubs so she could continue to take the pain without it being overwhelming, and Narcissa was loving it. She was crying out and clawing at the bed, begging for Bellatrix to spank her pussy harder as she got closer and closer to the edge, and just when she was about to come Bellatrix used the pads of her fingers to rub her little nub so vigorously that Narcissa screamed out her name, coming the hardest she ever thought she had in her entire bloody _life._ It was almost transcending, and when Narcissa finally came down from her high she _still_ felt as though she was floating. It was… bloody fucking amazing, honestly.

She should piss Bellatrix off by dominating her more often, because the backlash was well, _well_ worth it.

After Bellatrix withdrew from her and undid the harness, she threw the entire thing to the ground with a loud thud against the hardwood. Narcissa was still lying there with her legs spread, one arm thrown carelessly over her eyes as she struggled to breathe properly. She could feel her sister collapse next to her on the bed, and though she could hear that Bellatrix’s breathing was as erratic as her own, she knew it was in a _completely_ different way than hers was.

“I can’t believe you didn’t get a bloody enchanted strap on,” Bellatrix complained as she hovered over her. “What a fucking waste.” Narcissa was about to explain to her that it _could_ have been enchanted, she just had lost the booklet that explained the spell, but she didn’t get a chance to anyway because suddenly her sister’s lips were on hers, her tongue swooping into her mouth as she demanded some reciprocation as she fucked herself in order to relieve the tension that Narcissa’s little submissive display had caused her.

And yes, perhaps if she had enchanted the strap on Bellatrix would have already gotten off and therefore she kind of had every reason to be slightly annoyed with her, but Narcissa wasn’t exactly complaining about _this_ either. Grasping onto the side of her sister’s face, Narcissa kissed her back passionately as she felt her sister press herself against her side, her own hand already buried between her thighs. Narcissa knew with how exhausted she was feeling right then that she would be more of a hindrance than a help however, and so she just whispered against her sister’s lips, “You know that will always be yours, right…?”

Bellatrix’s lips parted as she groaned, her hand vigorously rubbing between her thighs as she just sought to get a quick one off to relieve the tension. Still, Narcissa didn’t want it just to be some pointless masturbation session, and so she sought to have Bellatrix enjoy herself a little more as she stroked her cheek gently and breathed, “No one’s ever had that part of me outside of you. No one ever will. That’s yours, Bella; if nothing else, you will always have something that nobody else can ever touch…”

Mostly because she was at least eighty seven percent certain that was because she wasn’t ever going to allow Bellatrix or anyone else to do that again because honestly, she should at least to _attempt_ to act like a woman of class and standard at some point in her life, but still. Bellatrix didn’t have to know that right now.

“Ugfff, _fuck,_ Cissy—I could destroy that tight little arse of yours for the rest of my fucking life,” Bellatrix groaned, her breathing laboring more as she got closer to the edge. Narcissa refrained from responding to that though, and instead kissed Bellatrix hard, allowing her sister to immerse herself in the seduction until she finally came with a loud grunt against her hand. 

Narcissa could feel Bellatrix’s entire body relax then and she opened her eyes, watching her sister roll onto her back as she tried to regulate her breathing. Narcissa smiled a little as she lay on her side, propping her head up with her hand as she looked down at her. Her other hand tracing small patterns on her sister’s abdomen, there was a long stretch of silence before the smile fell from Narcissa’s face and she asked after a moment’s contemplation about their current situation, “…Are you happy?”

Bellatrix’s brow knit at the question and she turned her head to look up at her. “What the fuck kind of question is that? Of course I am; that was some of the best sex we’ve ever bloody _had._ ” She was looking at her as though she had two heads for even asking such a thing, and Narcissa ended up breaking eye contact. 

“No, I know. I know it was,” Narcissa responded, feeling a little silly for even asking. It was just… with everything going on, and especially with how Bellatrix said that she felt about things that night that they got overheard, she wondered. “I just… I feel like you sacrifice so much for me, and even though we both know I can’t ever do it to the same caliber, I just want you to be happy with what little I _can_ give you. I want you to be happy with me, and I know that sometimes you don’t feel like you are.”

“Cissy…” Bellatrix responded, hoisting herself up on her elbow in order to better face her. “ _Don’t,_ okay?” she requested, her palm gently cupping the blonde’s cheek. “I’m always bloody happy with you, but that doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t wish that I could have more. It’s this bullshit world, love, and bullshit timing and my own bloody stubbornness that forced you to look elsewhere when once I was the only thing that you wanted in life. It’s crap, Cissy, but we make the best of it. It’s all we can do. In the end though, I realized that all you have to do is look at the small moments individually instead of the whole picture. And Cissy, when I do that, when I look at just _this…_ I’m more happy than I ever have been in my entire sodding life.”

Narcissa’s eyes misted over at that declaration, a warmth spreading through her chest as she shot her sister an emotional, tight-lipped smile. Bellatrix continued gently tracing the line of the blonde’s jaw with her thumb, and reality crashed into Narcissa at the worst time as the warmth in her heart became a sickening dread in the pit of her stomach and with a hard blink, a singular tear fell down her cheek. “I’m scared, Bella,” she breathed, hating that they couldn’t just stay in this blissful ignorance forever. “I’m so scared…”

“I know,” Bellatrix whispered, shooting her a sympathetic smile as she wiped away the tears on her sister’s face. “But nothing’s going to come back on you, okay? I promise you, a few days from now, it’ll be like nothing ever happened.”

And Narcissa wanted to believe her, she really did, but at the end of the day, nothing ever really went their way, did it?

[x]

Narcissa did try to live her life like nothing had happened, and when Lucius came home from France she busied herself with making sure that he had a proper welcoming home. Of course that meant leaving the safety of Bellatrix, but life had to go on at some point, and so the best Narcissa could do was try to keep the incident from her mind and pretend, with every fiber of her being, that she was _not_ a murderer; accidental or otherwise.

Which, of course, meant that at every turn there was something to remind her that it had actually happened.

“Darling…?” Lucius had called out from the parlor that Monday morning when he had gotten up to read the day’s paper. He sounded halfway between confused and sleepy, not having fully awoken with his routine cup of tea yet. He had always been rather heavily dependent on caffeine, after all. “Where’s the rug?”

Narcissa stopped dead in her tracks in the kitchen, all of the color draining from her face. 

“—Narcissa?” Lucius asked again after receiving no response. 

“What… I’m sorry, what was that, dear?” Narcissa asked in an overly chipper tone, just trying to buy herself more time to allow her brain to think of an excuse. She had just woken up as well and cognitive thought wasn’t exactly her forte right now. Busying herself getting her and her husband’s tea, Narcissa tried desperately to calm herself down so that Lucius didn’t think anything was wrong just by the sound of her voice.

God, she didn’t think he would actually _notice._ Usually he was so oblivious to home décor!

“The rug,” Lucius reiterated from the other room. “There _was_ a rug in here before, wasn’t there? I seem to remember thinking that it was rather ugly, or am I thinking about the one in the foyer?”

“Neither of them are ugly!” Narcissa shot back without thought, which then caused her to internally berate herself for her own stupidity because she probably could have just played it off like there had never been a rug in there in the first place, and that Lucius was just remembering incorrectly. Rubbing her forehead for a moment, Narcissa tried to play it off with, “I just… thought the parlor could do with a change, that’s all. Honestly I didn’t even think you’d notice.”

Grabbing the two cups of steaming tea, Narcissa coached herself to take another calming breath so as to not arouse suspicion, and exited the kitchen. Lucius was sitting in his large armchair by the fireplace, the Daily Prophet in his lap as he scanned the headlines. When Narcissa placed the cup on the small table next to him, Lucius smiled in thanks before he picked up the paper to read it a little better and asked in a rather distracted tone, “Are you planning to get another rug then, or are hardwood floors in this year?”

Narcissa shot him a look like he must be joking as she sat across from him in the other arm chair. Pointedly raising an eyebrow in disbelief, she questioned, “Lucius, what color is the bathroom upstairs?”

Lucius blinked at the unexpected question, folding the corner of the paper down so he could see his wife on the other side of it. “What? I don’t know… blue? What does that have to do with the rug?”

“It’s _cerulean,_ and everything, because you and I both know you don’t care a damn about the details of this house so long as it looks good,” Narcissa shot back, deciding to focus on being irritated so as to not have a complete and utter mental breakdown that her husband was apparently more aware of his surroundings than she thought he was. “So I don’t appreciate you patronizing me with small talk and asking if ‘hardwood is in this year’ like I get all my decorating tips from _Witch Weekly_ ; I’m a bloody better homemaker than that!”

Lucius automatically dropped the paper and held up his hands in surrender, clearly not having expected to have awakened the beast this early in the morning. “Sorry, I was merely trying to make conversation,” he gently defended, so as to not aggravate her further with a confrontational tone. “But you’re right,” Lucius admitted. “I couldn’t give a damn about the rug. But if you’d like to tell me about your weekend, I promise that I’m truly interested, and not just trying to make morning small talk.”

 _The weekend._ Yes, great, that was _exactly_ what she wanted to speak about. 

Narcissa tried to act natural however and took a small sip of her tea, shrugging carelessly. “It was rather uneventful,” she lied, hoping it didn’t sound as blatantly untruthful as it did in her own head. “Bellatrix came over on Saturday and I attempted to discuss with _her_ my plans to redecorate the parlor, but she was about as interested in that as you were, _so._ ” She rolled her eyes for effect and took another sip of the hot liquid, just trying to occupy her mouth so she didn’t have to speak anymore.

“Well, France went relatively well, all things considered,” Lucius contributed, glancing once more at the paper on his lap as he took another sip of his tea. “I’m still unsure how the Dark Lord is going to take my involvement in the scandal, but I did hear that they were close to clearing my name. A few more days and—” But Lucius stopped dead in the middle of his sentence, his eyes widening as his gaze caught a headline in the paper. 

Sitting straight up, Lucius put his cup back down on the side table and grasped onto the paper as he exclaimed, “Bloody hell, did you hear about this?!” 

Narcissa blinked, not having expected that kind of reaction. “What?” she asked, hoping her voice didn’t sound as terse as she thought it did, as of course her brain went to the one place she feared more than anything.

And for good reason.

“Rookwood’s whole bloody manor was burned to the ground!” Lucius exclaimed, motioning to the headline that Narcissa couldn’t read because suddenly she felt very, very ill. “The papers are blaming the Dark Lord of course, as they do with damn near anything that happens these days, but he wouldn’t have done that to punish him; the house was being seized by the bank anyway, so it wouldn’t be much of a loss. Has Bellatrix said anything to you?”

“W-What?” Narcissa stumbled a little, taken a little bit off guard for a moment before she mentally demanded to just _pull herself together._ There was a time and a place to break down about this, and now was not it. “No, why would Bellatrix know anything about that?”

Lucius just looked at her like she was thick. “Because if it was the Dark Lord’s doing for whatever reason, then _she_ would know. She is his precious little _pet_ , after all.” He always said that with disgust in his voice, even though Narcissa knew that a little bit of it came from jealousy. All of the Death Eaters were like that towards Bellatrix though.

“Well regardless, Bellatrix and I don’t discuss her… _business_ anymore,” Narcissa responded tersely, wishing this conversation would just cease. She was already feeling terribly ill, and it was getting increasingly difficult to hold herself together during it. “If you want to know, I suggest asking her yourself. As for myself, I really couldn’t care. I’ve never cared for Rookwood, and I care even _less_ for him now that he’s gotten your name mixed up in all his nasty little business. If I were you, I’d distance myself from him and his personal affairs as far as possible.”

“ _Jesus,_ ” Lucius breathed, apparently not listening to her in the slightest as he continued to read the article in question. Peering even closer at the paper, he told her, “Apparently is wife is missing too. Rookwood is going to have a bloody _meltdown._ ”

Narcissa’s heart began to pound in her throat, and it took every single shred of self-control in her to keep her voice sounding disinterested as responded, “So? She was a trophy wife; everyone knows they held no real feelings towards one another. She probably burned the house down herself for the insurance money and left him so that his scandal wouldn’t tarnish her reputation. She seemed the type.”

“The house was getting seized by the bank, Narcissa; there _was_ no insurance money,” Lucius pointed out, which only caused Narcissa to scoff in frustration as irritation was the only emotion she could hold on to that was strong enough to override her intense fear of the truth being discovered.

“Regardless, I’m supposed to care about this, why?” Narcissa countered, giving her husband a scathing look. “In case you’ve forgotten, Margret has always been horrible to me, even when we were children. She seemed to deludedly think you were _hers_ , for reasons I’ll never understand. Honestly, the way she went at me it was like she thought I stole you from her or something, when you’ve never even—” But she stopped mid-sentence then, realizing something horrible as she shot a look of disbelief at her husband.

Lucius’ guilty look was all the answer she needed.

Narcissa shot up out of her seat so fast she nearly caused the whole thing to topple to the ground. “Oh my god, you _slept_ with her!” she shouted, looking absolutely horrified as she pointed at him in accusation. The intense sickness in her abdomen lingered on, but now for a completely different reason. “Is that why you care? Because your little _side-piece_ has gone missing so now you have nothing to fuck while I try to work through my PTSD over what happened during my last pregnancy?! I can’t believe you would _do_ that to me; you know how I feel about her!”

“What? No!” Lucius quickly defended, getting up from the chair himself in order to try to calm down his wife. His attempt to reach out to her though was met with a fierce, “Don’t _touch_ me!” as Narcissa backed up a full three steps away from him, and Lucius was left with trying to explain himself with words alone.

“No, Narcissa, it wasn’t like that,” he tried to assure her, even though Narcissa was certain that after that, nothing he could say would ever make it better. Fucking _Margret,_ of all people, hurt worse than anything else could have. “The last time I slept with her was when I found out your sold our child to the Dark Lord and had been hiding the fact that your sister was in _love_ with you for God knows how long. Okay?”

 _’Okay’?_ Like that somehow _justified_ it? Narcissa had thought he merely slept with a whore that night, but God, this was so much worse.

“And _yes_ ,” Lucius continued, like he wasn’t digging himself in a deep enough hole as it was. “I did fuck her specifically because I knew that it’d hurt you more than if I slept with anyone else, but then I couldn’t even bring myself to tell you because I couldn’t bear the look on your face if you knew, so it didn’t even end up mattering in the end. But that was the last time, alright? I swear to it.”

Narcissa just stared at him, the look of horror only intensifying the longer that her husband spoke. “You… that was the _last_ time?” she asked, to which Lucius just nodded, thinking that that was a good thing, when in reality it just made it so much worse for him. “So not the ‘only’ time then. The bloody _last…_ when the hell was the _first?!_ ”

Lucius’ expression immediately fell as he realized he basically just kicked himself in the bollocks with that. “Uh…”

“’Uhh…?!’” Narcissa mocked furiously before slapping Lucius’ arm as hard as she could muster. He swore and backed up from her, but Narcissa continued to advance on him as she reiterated, “’Uhh?’ Is _that_ all you have to say for yourself?! How long have you been _fucking_ her, Lucius?! I can’t believe you would do this to me!”

“Hey, I’m not the only one who’s had affairs in this relationship!” Lucius defended, getting a little angry at how he was being attacked over this. “And we were just teenagers when it started, which in case you’ve forgotten, wasn’t exactly a monogamous time for you either! But I swear on everything that I love that once we got married I ended things with her, alright? Stop making this into a bigger thing than it was!”

Ugh, Narcissa _hated_ Bellatrix for telling Lucius that she wasn’t monogamous when they were teenagers, although mostly because Lucius could now do things like _this_ and hold it over her. Sometimes (most times, really) Bellatrix’s twisted ways of telling Lucius without actually _telling_ him that she was hers really bit her in the arse. Regardless though, that didn’t make it better. Margret was still on an entirely different level than the affairs he _thought_ she was having with other men, and that… that was just completely unacceptable.

“It _is_ a big deal!” Narcissa furiously shot back, overwhelmed by the rage and jealousy inside of her that it completely overtook her, and she didn’t think before she spoke. “God, I’m _glad_ that bitch is dead; at least I know she’ll never touch you again!”

“Wait, what?” Lucius asked, coming to a dead halt as he blinked at her, not understanding where that came from. “ _Dead?_ The papers said she was missing.”

“I… I mean, she…” Narcissa stumbled, paling a little bit as she realized what she had revealed. Still, she tried to fix the situation by allowing her anger to take over again as she bluffed her way around it with a scathing sounding, “I just _hope_ that she’s dead, alright? Who cares about semantics, I’m just glad that she’s out of our bloody lives!”

But Lucius was looking at her in a way that she _really_ didn’t like now, and the feeling of dread and panic began to seed deeper in her chest as her fight or flight response kicked in and she began to back up out of the parlor, just needing to be anywhere but _here_ right now.

“Narcissa…” Lucius tried, his tone not angry or upset but something else entirely that Narcissa didn’t want to dissect. Lucius knew her better than most people and although she was generally a good liar, there had always been a point, and she was terrified that she reached it. And so Narcissa did the only thing she could think of, and ran.

“No, I don’t want to speak to you anymore!” she shouted, practically fleeing from the room to grab her coat from the foyer. She had to get out of there before Lucius said anything else to her, otherwise she knew she was going to crack. And so Narcissa continued to shout as she left, not wanting her husband to get a word in edge-wise. “I’m going to my sister’s, and I suggest you leave me alone unless you’d like to know how it feels to sleep on the bloody _floor_ tonight!”

And then she was out the door, disapparating as quickly as she could manage to get away from a situation she knew was already unraveling out from beneath her. Narcissa felt like she was falling apart, but she prayed that somehow she could get ahold of the herself enough to tell a convincing enough lie once she came face to face with Lucius again. She just needed time though; time to collect herself, time to think, and time to figure out how the hell to explain her stuttered reaction.

Because Lucius couldn’t know the truth. He just _couldn’t._ Even if she lied about the reason, he would never look at her the same way again if he knew she was a murderer, and Narcissa knew she would never be able to bear that.

**TBC…**


	26. XXVI. Autumn, 1978

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I have been writing this for NaNoWriMo this year, the update rate is going to increase to twice a month instead of once a month considering I now have two chapters after this one finished already and don’t feel right hoarding them for eight million years, lol. Also, feedback is love, as I have lost my first reader and my girlfriend/beta doesn’t know how to give any other feedback other than ‘it was good’ and it’s driving me bloody mental, lmao.

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX  
Autumn, 1978**

“Honestly, how the hell you’ve managed to keep the fact that we’ve been fucking each other a secret for ten bloody years, I’ll never know. It’s been one sodding day since he’s been home, Narcissa; _one!_ ” Bellatrix raged in the middle of the foyer, infuriated with the position that Narcissa’s erratic emotional state had forced them both into once again.

And while of course her lack of emotional stability caused Narcissa a great deal of shame, there was still a part of her that felt that it wasn’t fair that she got blamed for her lack of control when she had a bloody _mood disorder._ Medication didn’t fix everything, no matter how much she wished it did, and Bellatrix bloody _screaming_ at her certainly wasn’t helping matters. She was immensely distraught over this, and to be quite honest she had every goddamn reason to be!

“Okay first of all,” Narcissa snapped, furiously pointing at her sister as the defensive part of her came out in response to feeling unjustly attacked, “we’ve been sleeping together for nine years, not ten—”

“Same difference.”

“Not really, but that's not my fucking point,” Narcissa responded angrily, irrationally aggravated that her sister was incorrect when it came to specifics in their relationship. She knew down to the _day_ how long they’ve been together, whereas Bellatrix probably didn’t even know what Narcissa considered to be their official anniversary. 

It was the first time they slept together when Bellatrix wasn’t crazy, by the way, but not like that mattered now.

“My _point_ is that I was obviously upset over what I just learned and it was just a little verbal hiccup, okay?” Narcissa exclaimed, her tone still fully defensive because she felt like Bellatrix was making a big deal out of the wrong damn part of the story. “I'll deal with it; the one bloody thing I'm good at when it comes to Lucius is talking my way out of shit, but do you realize what he _did?_ He fucked Margret, Bella! _Margret._ The one person in this whole sodding world that I hated more than anyone!”

Bellatrix just stared at her for a long moment, this look on her face like she couldn’t believe those actual words just came out of her sister’s mouth. “Are you fucking— Cissy, you fuck _me!_ ” she shouted, gesturing erratically at herself. “The one sodding person _Lucius_ hates more than anyone in this world, and you're really bloody standing there complaining that he fucked that bitch a handful of times? Get the fuck over it, and focus on what's actually important here!”

Okay, that wasn't even… Bellatrix was _different._ That was _different._ Narcissa considered Bellatrix to be a fixture in her life, not some kind of choice. But Margret, _she_ was a choice; a choice that Lucius deliberately made to hurt her, and that made all the difference.

“Okay, _no._ You’re my sister, that's not even the same—” Narcissa tried to defend, but Bellatrix wouldn’t even let her finish her sentence.

“No, it _isn’t_ the same,” Bellatrix interrupted, advancing on Narcissa so much that it caused the blonde’s back to meet the cordite colored wall that separated the foyer from the parlor. Pointing at her to accent her point, Bellatrix continued strongly, “It’s _worse._ I’m not one to advocate for Lucius-fucking-Malfoy, but you and I both know that if he ever found out about us it would _destroy_ him, whereas you’re still bloody standing after finding out about Margret. So again? Get. The fuck. _Over_. It.”

Narcissa scoffed at that, absolutely infuriated about being shut down in such a way. It made her feel as though her feelings didn’t even matter. Pushing her sister out of the way, Narcissa snapped, “Fine. I don’t even know why I bothered to come here. Silly me for thinking you might have actually learned to be a human being for once and comfort me when I’m distraught. God, this is so bloody pointless.”

“ _Distraught?_ ” Bellatrix repeated, a disbelieving laugh filling the room. “You’re not distraught; you’re being dramatic because you need to find some justification in your mind for killing the bitch so you don’t feel _guilty!_ ”

 _That_ made Narcissa stop, the blatant reveal of her own transparency rendering her unable to function for a long moment. She pursed her lips, feeling like she wanted to cry. So instead, she turned around so fast that her long blonde hair tumbled over her shoulder and she lashed out, “Why do you bloody care how I justify it?! I’m not _you_ , Bella; I can’t just be _okay_ with taking someone’s life, okay?! _Fuck,_ why can’t you just—why…?!”

And then the tears came, because they always, always did.

“Jesus,” Bellatrix muttered, clearly frustrated with her sister’s ability to _care_ about something that barely registered on her own radar as being important. After running a hand through her hair in irritation, Bellatrix walked over to her and grasped onto her sister’s arms as she said strongly, “Hey. _Hey._ ” Grabbing Narcissa’s face in her hand, she forced the other woman to look at her as she told her, “Now is not the time for this, yeah? What’s done is done, and no matter how much you might want to, you can’t change it. Now you need to fucking _focus_ and tell me how you plan to fix this, because while I don’t think Lucius will turn us in for what we did, I’m afraid if you don’t _pull yourself together_ , you’re going to end up accidentally admitting something to someone who _will!_ ”

Narcissa wrenched her face away from her sister’s grasp, the heel of her palm coming up to furiously wipe away the tears that stained her cheeks. “I’m not a bloody idiot, and I don’t need you to fix this, Bella! I said I’d take care of it and I will, so if you’re not going to help me emotionally, then I’d appreciate it if you just fucked off!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I must have mistaken this for _every other bloody time you’ve screwed up,_ ” Bellatrix snapped back, causing Narcissa’s expression to color with offense. “You always come crying to me to fix your problems, how was I supposed to know this was any different?!”

Bellatrix’s words were like a punch to the gut, and it took a full ten seconds before the other woman could even formulate a response. She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“So that… _that’s_ what you think of me then?!” Narcissa exclaimed, her chest compressing with how grievously that hurt her. It felt like her insides were on fire. “That I’m just some damsel in distress that you have to constantly save? Well if I’m so much of a bloody burden to you, then why the hell do you even bother with me?!”

“Because I fucking love you, you idiot!” Bellatrix shouted, frustrated that Narcissa didn’t understand the obvious. “Because you’re _my_ responsibility, just as I was yours when _I_ was the one going crazy!”

Narcissa’s mouth dropped open, hardly able to believe that Bellatrix had just said that to her. She felt hurt, betrayed, and so very, very small all of a sudden. “Oh my God…” she breathed in horror, realizing how she was seen by the one person she loved more than anything. “You… you think I’m _crazy…?_ ”

Now it was Bellatrix’s turn for her eyes to widen, realizing how Narcissa took what she had just said to her. “No, Cissy, that’s not… that’s not what I meant—”

“It’s what you just _said!_ ”

“No, what I fucking _said_ was that it’s my turn to take care of _you_ , alright?!” Bellatrix shouted, her patience waning as Narcissa seemed to take offense to damn near everything she said at this point. “Because that’s how it _should_ be, because you never should have had to be my bloody babysitter when you were only a child, because I want you to feel loved and safe and _happy_ now that I’m not constantly ruining your life; so just _let_ me, okay?!”

Narcissa didn’t speak for a long moment as she just stared at Bellatrix, both of their chests heaving from emotion. “You don’t owe me anything, Bellatrix,” Narcissa responded finally, her voice soft as she wrapped her arms around her midsection. “And even if you did, I don’t understand how… how _yelling_ at me and basically demeaning me for always needing you to fix things is somehow repaying this non-existent debt you seem to think you owe me. Making me feel like shit isn’t making me _happy,_ Bella; it’s making me feel the exact opposite. So why are you being like this?” 

Bellatrix exhaled a long breath, averting her eyes as she slumped against the wall nearest to the front door. “Because I’m pissed off that I’m just as bloody hypocritical as you are, okay?” she admitted, her tone furious as she avoided eye contact completely. “I told you before that you needed to stop this victim-complex, and yet I perpetuate it. _Constantly._ I need it, Cissy, and I’m mad at both of us for that. You’re never going to get better if we don’t stop.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, looking at her sister across from her. She hated that everything always came back to one or both of them having serious underlying emotional issues, but in the end that was always the reason everything got fucked up in the first place. Margret’s death may have been an accident, but Narcissa knew Bellatrix was still kicking herself for how she handled the aftermath of it. Her desire to save Narcissa caused her to not think clearly, and she hated herself for that. “Then don’t save me this time,” Narcissa responded softly. “I told you I’d take care of it and I will, so please just trust that I’ll do as I say.”

Bellatrix however, just scoffed at that solution. “Sure, okay, let’s pretend I don’t have massive control issues when it comes to you and it’s that bloody simple for me to just _stand_ here. _Fine_.” There were dramatic hand gestures that accompanied that amount of sarcasm, and Bellatrix still wouldn’t look at her. Narcissa’s eyes narrowed a little before she finally understood that her behavior was due to the sheer amount of honesty that Bellatrix was giving her right then, despite the fact that she _really_ didn’t like how weak it made her seem by voicing such things out loud.

“…Bella?” Narcissa questioned softly. But her sister still couldn’t grace her with eye contact, and so Narcissa approached her. It took until the blonde was right in front of her face for Bellatrix to finally acknowledge her presence, and when she turned to look at her all she was greeted with was a pair of soft lips as she was given a gentle kiss. 

After pulling away just enough to rest her forehead against Bellatrix’s, Narcissa breathed against her lips, “I love you, but you can’t hold my hand through life.” And that was hard to say, hard to _admit,_ because for so long that was all Narcissa wanted. It was all they both wanted, even though they knew it wasn’t a healthy response to anything. They needed to grow up now though, so Narcissa reached up and delicately brushed away an errant curl from her sister’s eyes before gently tracing the contour of her jaw with the pads of her fingers. “This is _my_ mess, okay? So please just let me… let me clean it up. You did your part, Bella; now it’s my turn, and I’m really sorry I almost screwed it up. It won’t happen again.”

Bellatrix exhaled a long breath, very hesitant about allowing Narcissa to finally stand on her own two feet, but nodded in understanding regardless. “I’ve never had bloody anxiety about anything in my life other than you,” she admitted, this look of utter irritation on her face as though she were mad at herself for allowing herself to feel that way. “And it pisses me off because it wasn’t even like this before. I saved you, yeah, but I felt fucking manipulated and exhausted every time I did it. I was doing it because I felt like I owed you something, and I still fucking— I mean, that’s still bloody part of it obviously, but ever since you were hospitalized…”

She trailed off, but Narcissa knew what she was saying: ever since she was hospitalized, she’s been _needing_ to save her, needing to take care of her. She felt obligated, and much more than normal.

Narcissa’s brow knitted as she searched her sister’s eyes, realizing what it was that Bellatrix was saying. “Bella, do you… do you _blame_ yourself for my disorder?” It seemed so absurd, as Narcissa thought it was obvious that if there were any outside factors that fed into her BPD it would be what their mother had done to them. Regardless though, it was just… it was just _chemical,_ wasn’t it? So how could it be anyone’s fault?

Bellatrix’s eyes fell closed, and this terrible look of pain crossed her face that cut Narcissa open, because she had never seen her sister look like that before. She looked like she was close to breaking down and crying, and it was so sudden and so frightening that Narcissa’s stomach twisted into knots and she begged quietly, “No, Bella, please don’t…”

But Bellatrix didn’t listen, and her voice was filled with such self-loathing that she sounded as though she were choking on it. “You were _thirteen,_ Cissy—”

And quite suddenly, Narcissa felt like she couldn’t breathe. She knew exactly why Bellatrix blamed herself, and this terrible panic erupted in her chest because they didn’t _say_ what that was. They hadn’t for years; they hadn’t labeled it, hadn’t made it real, because things were different now, and it no longer mattered how it started.

Or, at least so Narcissa thought. Apparently however, after everything that had happened, to Bellatrix it now _mattered,_ and Narcissa couldn’t bear to hear her say the words out loud. 

“You were thirteen and I was bloody _seventeen_ and I…”

Narcissa grasped onto her sister’s shoulders, practically shaking her as she desperately shouted, “No, Bella, _don’t—!_ ” Because if Bellatrix said the actual word, if she admitted what she did, then Narcissa could no longer pretend, and she didn’t… she _couldn’t…_

Bellatrix looked like something inside of her was shattering as she no doubt finally allowed herself to even admit the truth in her _head,_ let alone out loud. And when she finally opened her eyes to look at Narcissa, they were reddened and glassy and they cut right through the woman who held onto her like she was afraid that if she let go, that they would both collapse under the weight of the truth.

“Fuck… _fuck…_ ” Bellatrix breathed, and Narcissa could tell just by the look on her face that she was reliving it, but for the first time seeing the encounter through a completely different set of eyes. Her hand came up to tangle in her hair, and when she looked back at the woman in front of her, suddenly her entire world seemed to collapse around her as she finally said the words she could never bear to say. “I raped you… I fucking _raped_ you, Cissy, and it—!”

“ _No!_ ” Narcissa shouted, grabbing her sister’s hand as she pleaded with her to just look at her, to just _listen_ to her. “I told you back then and I’ll tell you now that that was _not_ what that was! You were sick, it wasn’t your fault—”

“You were _scared_ of me!” Bellatrix shouted, tears running down her cheeks that she didn’t even acknowledge. Narcissa wondered if she even knew they were there. “The bloody _look_ on your face when I forced your fingers inside of me—”

“I let you,” Narcissa insisted, not wanting that horrible of a label on anything that they did together, even if it was a fine line, and even if it was so very long ago. “Bella, I _let_ you, okay? I was nervous, I’ll admit that, but I was a virgin! That doesn’t mean—”

“No, stop; stop making excuses for me, Cissy, I’m _done!_ ” Bellatrix shouted, pushing Narcissa off of her so violently that it almost made the blonde fall. “Do you honestly think I didn’t read up on bloody _everything_ I could about BPD when you were diagnosed?” Bellatrix asked her, chest heaving and eyes bloodshot as she stared across the foyer at her sister. More tears were streaming down her face, but she looked more angry than distraught. Angry at herself most likely, but she also stood there with a purpose that couldn’t be ignored, and that frightened Narcissa because that meant this wasn’t going away. It meant she wasn’t going to stop.

“Genetics can give you the chemical imbalance in your head, but do you know what _exacerbates_ it? Do you know what can trigger the switch in your mind?” Bellatrix asked her, and Narcissa was fairly certain she already knew the answer. She didn’t want to hear it though, and the look on her face _begged_ Bellatrix not to say it out loud, but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t. “ _Abuse_.”

“Mum beat us, Bella, so how can you blame yourself and not _her_ when she was the one who—” Narcissa tried, but Bellatrix wouldn’t let her get a word in edge-wise. It was obvious she already had her own version of what happened, and she wasn’t going to accept anything that conflicted with it.

“I sexually abused you, Cissy, and the next _fucking_ time we were alone what happened?!” Bellatrix shrieked, and it was _that_ that finally made Narcissa’s words die in her throat, because she knew what Bellatrix was talking about. So instead her eyes just welled up with tears and she shook her head, backing up from Bellatrix, from the situation, from the reality.

“ _I_ made you sick,” Bellatrix told her, her voice cracking in her throat from the realization. “I raped you and then suddenly you couldn’t live without me. Couldn’t _breathe_ without me. You went fucking mental, Cissy, and don’t fucking pretend you didn’t because you know the shit you said to me that day was crazy!”

And it was true. Narcissa _knew_ it was true, but had never put the pieces together until now. Perhaps in the end she had always been sick, just to a lesser degree, but the _first_ time she went emotionally mental was after that had happened. “…I said I’d die without you,” Narcissa breathed in horror, remembering that day like it was yesterday. Worse, she could remember how it _felt._ She felt like Bellatrix was the only thing in her world then, and that wasn’t healthy. She told Bellatrix that she could do anything to her; rape her, abuse her, just so long as she stayed with her, because she couldn’t bear the thought of being without her.

Of being alone.

God, Narcissa felt ill. And what made it worse wasn’t _those_ things she said to her, but something else entirely. Something that was supposed to be good, something that was supposed to be real, but now as Narcissa looked back on that time on her life, she feared was nothing but a product of obsession due to her disorder. “Oh my god,” she breathed, trembling hands coming up to cover her mouth for a moment as she looked at Bellatrix with sorrow, with regret, and with an apology of her own. “That was the first time I told you I was in love with you.”

“…Yeah,” Bellatrix responded sadly. It didn’t seem like that cut her as deep as it cut Narcissa though, and perhaps because she had only taken the confession with a grain of salt the first time around. She knew something was wrong with Narcissa right away, and yet Narcissa had dismissed the idea that she might be sick as well because it wasn’t the same as _Bellatrix’s_ sickness. Still, Narcissa had thought her feelings, that _confession_ was real, and the realization that it probably wasn’t devastated her. 

Bellatrix, however, was devastated for another reason entirely, and her expression cracked once more as she tried, “Cissy, I’m… I’m _sorry_.” Her hand came up to violently wipe away her tears, for the first time acknowledging to herself that she was crying, and that she was not only displaying, but actually allowing herself to have actual human emotions. “I’m _so_ fucking sorry for what I did to you, I’m sorry I made you—”

“Stop,” Narcissa begged, her chest heaving as she exhaled a loud sob. “Stop, please stop…” she breathed, the words barely audible as she found her way over to her sister, burying her face in her neck as she cried. Bellatrix clutched onto her like she was the only thing worth holding in this world, and the two of them kind of sunk to the ground in a heap as they cried and shook.

“I know,” Narcissa admitted finally, the words being exhaled like they were the most difficult thing she had ever had to utter. “I _know_ what you did to me, and I know… I know you’re _sorry_ so please, please just… stop talking about it, because we’re different now and it’s—God, it’s more than _that_ , Bella, it’s always been more than that!” Narcissa sobbed, needing her to understand that how she turned out, it wasn’t just due to one person, or one thing. Mental illness was more complicated than that.

“It’s not your fault,” Narcissa told her softly, her wet cheeks staining the soft skin of her sister’s cheek as she grasped onto the nape of her neck. “Not entirely. It’s Mum’s for beating me, it’s Father’s for ignoring me, it’s… everyone who bullied me in school, it’s just _everything_ , Bella. It’s bloody everything…”

“Everything…” Bellatrix breathed, not allowing Narcissa to just sugarcoat it. “Including me.”

“…Yes,” Narcissa admitted softly, because she couldn’t pretend anymore that Bellatrix didn’t have a part in it. What happened between them fucked her up, but so did the rest of her life. “But not just you. Never just you.”

Another tear slipped down her cheek and she leaned back a little as she cupped Bellatrix’s face in her hands and requested, “Bella, look at me.” She did, and the amount of sorrow and regret on her sister’s face cut her to pieces. “I _forgive_ you,” Narcissa whispered strongly, her thumb tracing the contour of the other woman’s cheek. “And I don’t blame you for how I turned out. It’s been nearly ten years, and we’ve been though… _so_ much together. So much has changed, and even if it was fucked up in the beginning, it isn’t now. You’re my bloody _rock,_ Bellatrix, and I feel safer with you than I have with anyone else in my entire life. Nothing is going to change that, do you hear me? _Nothing._ ”

Bellatrix nodded as she continued to silently cry, at least acknowledging Narcissa’s feelings on the matter and not getting so caught up in her guilt that she automatically dismissed them. In the end though, maybe she just understood that Narcissa was at least relatively more stable now, and that her emotions, despite being regulated by medication, were to be trusted as the real thing, and not some byproduct of her disorder and attachment issues. 

Bellatrix let out a long breath then, gently resting her forehead against her sister’s as she finally seemed to be calming down. “I’m sorry it took so long to apologize to you, Cissy,” she breathed, her voice still sad but not entirely broken like it once was. “I’m sorry for how long it took to admit to myself that that was what I had done.”

“I didn’t want to admit it to myself,” Narcissa admitted softly, giving Bellatrix a small, sadly sympathetic smile. She grasped her sister’s hands in her own then, squeezing gently. “I still don’t… I don’t like that label though. When I think of ‘rape’ I think of… of someone being pinned down who’s screaming and crying and saying ‘no’ and it wasn’t—it wasn’t like that. At all. You weren’t violent with me, Bella. I just… was too young to know how to stand up for myself. I didn’t want our first time to be that way, and yet I let it happen anyway because I didn’t know how to say no. That’s… you took advantage of me, for sure, but…”

“It’s rape, Cissy,” Bellatrix interrupted, unable to look at her anymore. “It doesn’t matter to what degree; you didn’t want to have sex with me and I made you anyway. There’s no excuse for that.”

“Maybe not,” Narcissa agreed softly, her eyes trained on their linked hands as she ran her thumb delicately over the back of her sister’s hand. “But that doesn’t mean that we have to let something that’s nearly ten years old destroy us now. It’s over, Bellatrix. I’ve consented to sex with you hundreds of times since then, so please just… let’s move on. The past is the past.”

Bellatrix was silent for a moment and Narcissa believed that she was going to agree to just try to move past it, but she didn’t get the chance. The front door opened then, and the two women turned sharply towards the figure in the threshold. “Jesus,” Rodolphus exclaimed, looking at the position of the two women on the floor. They no doubt looked fairly horrible, considering the emotional intensity of their previous conversation. “Why is it that every time I walk in on you both it’s like walking into a bloody soap opera?”

“Sod off; why are you even home?” Bellatrix shot back, furiously wiping at her tears before she untangled herself from Narcissa and got off the floor. “I thought you were supposed to be recruiting the werewolves.”

“That’s this weekend, and have you been _crying?_ ” Rodolphus asked before he could stop himself, apparently so taken aback by the sight of his wife’s tears that it rendered him temporally stupid. To be fair though, Narcissa was certain the only other time he saw her cry was when Gwendolyn died, so it must be a bit like seeing a blood moon, or some other kind of rare phenomena.

Bellatrix’s wand was out of her robes and pointed at her husband so fast Narcissa wasn’t even certain that she saw her move at all. It was actually pretty impressive. “Oh, I’m sorry, are you _not_ fond of your bollocks today, or…?” she threatened, even though her tear stained cheeks and smudged makeup didn’t exactly make her seem very frightening. “Because I’ll blow those sad little things right off your fucking body if you say one more word.”

Rodolphus, on the other hand, knew better.

“Whatever,” he dismissed, even though Narcissa could see the slight panic in his eyes. He held up his hands in surrender though, not one to antagonize his wife even though he seemed to be very good at doing just that. Regardless though, this clearly wasn’t what he was here for. “We need to talk,” he told her pointedly before briefly shifting his glance over to Narcissa. When it landed back on his wife, Rodolphus reiterated, “ _Now._ ”

Narcissa’s brow furrowed just as Bellatrix’s eyes narrowed. “What the hell is so bloody important that you’d willingly subject yourself to my presence?” Bellatrix asked, her wand hand dropping before she stepped back and put it back into the inner pocket of her robes. “Because last I checked, you weren’t a big fan of being around me. More so than usual actually.”

And it was true; ever since that incident where Bellatrix basically used Rodolphus as a prop to get back at Narcissa, Rodolphus seemed to have made a point to distance himself from the two sisters. Maybe he was still embarrassed about how he reacted, or maybe he was just tired of being in the middle of their shit. Either way though, he had barely been around.

“Yeah, well, that was before I found out Rookwood’s bloody _manor_ was burned to the ground this weekend.”

Narcissa noticeably paled and nearly choked on her own breath at that statement, but Bellatrix, to her credit, barely even flinched. “So?” she asked in a bored tone, accenting how much she ‘didn’t care’ but beginning to idly pick at her nail beds.

“So?” Rodolphus repeated, looking at her incredulously. “ _So,_ there’s only a few people I know that like to hide bodies by burning entire sodding houses to the ground. You, and—wait, no, _just you._ Jesus, Bellatrix, what the fuck did you _do?_ ”

Narcissa’s eyes widened as she looked towards her sister, but Bellatrix’s face was still impassive even though Narcissa knew that inside she was kicking herself for that, because Rodolphus was right, she _did_ do that a little too often. Well, to be fair all Narcissa knew about was when she burned down their old manor after killing their parents, but with the way Rodolphus was looking at her, she was beginning to think that Bellatrix might have a preference with how she disposed of bodies, and that was a dangerous thing to have as it pointed right back to her.

“I didn’t do shit,” Bellatrix snapped, looking at him like _he_ was the one who was crazy to have brought this up. “What reason would I _possibly_ have to fuck with Rookwood’s life? I don’t give a toss about him, and you know it.”

Rodolphus didn’t say anything, but he did pointedly shift his eyes in Narcissa’s direction.

“She doesn’t even know the twat,” Bellatrix defended, still acting her part perfectly. Narcissa, at least, had managed to get her guilty look under control by the time Rodolphus even spared her a glance, but she was inwardly panicking and Bellatrix knew that, which was why she had taken it upon herself to handle this. Lucius Narcissa could deal with, but Rodolphus was _Bellatrix’s_ expertise. “So again, not getting why you think I did it. Am I to be blamed for _all_ house fires now? Because that could get real annoying, real fast.”

“So you’re _not_ aware that her husband is now under investigation from the Ministry because of Rookwood’s scandal?” Rodolphus countered, his tone indicating that he already knew that Bellatrix was more than aware of that. Even if Narcissa and her weren’t close, the Dark Lord would have told her. He told her most everything, after all.

Bellatrix, however, just scoffed at that and rolled her eyes. “If you’ve really pegged me as someone who would do a favor for Lucius Malfoy, then you’re more of an idiot than I thought.”

“No, but according to Alecto, it’s apparently common knowledge that Narcissa and Rookwood’s wife do not get along, and now not only is she suddenly missing right after her husband’s scandal fucks with Narcissa’s picture perfect life, their manor has been reduced to nothing but ash,” Rodolphus responded, his tone still very disbelieving towards anything his wife has said. “Much too coincidental, if you ask me; especially when you’re known for being overdramatic and reckless when it comes to pleasing your… _whatever_ you want to call her.”

“Sister,” Bellatrix deadpanned, unamused.

“I don’t advocate for someone’s death just because I don’t get along with them, Rodolphus!” Narcissa finally interjected, attempting to sound grievously offended by such a notion. Her outburst of course caused everyone’s attention to suddenly shift towards her, and she straightened her spine as she looked the man dead in the eyes. “That’s ridiculous, and I’d never ask Bellatrix to do such a thing!”

Narcissa knew this was risky as she wasn’t as good of a liar as Bellatrix was when it came to Rodolphus (or anyone for that matter, save Lucius), but she couldn’t just stand there and not say anything either when her name was getting thrown around in this mess. It would have been more suspicious if she stayed quiet. Regardless, everything she said was true anyway, which did help a little.

“Look, I don’t _care_ who you kill or why, but when it points back to this bloody household then it’s on _me,_ and that’s something we can’t bloody have right now!” Rodolphus shouted, gesturing wildly at his wife. “We are on the crux of this war, Bellatrix; now is not the sodding time for personal vendettas!” 

“What fucking part of ‘I didn’t do it’ are you not understanding?!” Bellatrix raged, getting infuriated now because she felt as though she wasn’t being listened to. “And just because _you_ think I have something to do with it, doesn’t mean anyone else does, so why are you throwing a fucking fit right now?”

“Because the Ministry started preforming random raids again this morning to try to flush out all the Death Eaters, and if even a _shred_ of evidence points back to any of us to any crime that we may have committed then we’re all _fucked!_ ” Rodolphus shot back, which finally made Bellatrix shut her mouth. Her lips pressed into a tight line, and Narcissa began to look panicked as she glanced over at her sister.

“…When are they coming?” Bellatrix asked finally, to which Rodolphus just shrugged, his entire demeanor frustrated beyond measure.

“Amycus and Alecto said they hit their house early this morning, which means they should be at least at Narcissa’s around noon, and us by two. That is, if they’re going in the order that they went last time.”

“Fuck,” Bellatrix swore, pinching the bridge of her nose. She looked over at Narcissa then and told her, “Warn Lucius. Rodolphus, have you brought anything into this house since the last raid?” Rodolphus shook his head, and Bellatrix noticeably relaxed a little more. “Alright, good. Narcissa, _go._ Use the fireplace; it’ll be faster.”

Narcissa didn’t waste any time, practically tripping over herself in her haste to get to the fireplace. Her knees hit the floor with a loud _twack,_ but the pain was barely registered as she used the spell to call her manor. “Lucius!” she shouted into the fireplace. “ _Lucius!_ ”

“Christ, Narcissa, you nearly gave me a heart attack,” came Lucius’ voice from the other side. He walked over to the fireplace from the opposite side of the room and knelt down, his brow furrowing at his wife contacting him through such means instead of coming home. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Are you alone?” Narcissa asked, feeling her heart begin to beat torturously in her throat. She hoped they weren’t already there, but perhaps Lucius wouldn’t have even answered the call if they were. Still, she was worried.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“The Ministry is preforming raids again,” Narcissa told him, the words coming out nearly all in one breath. “They should be there by noon. We don’t have anything in the house, right? Please tell me you didn’t bring anything back.”

Lucius’s eyebrows nearly shot off his head at the information. “No, I… no, the house is clean. How do you know the Ministry is coming?”

“They hit the Carrow’s house earlier. Rodolphus came back to warn us. Please just… double check? And I’ll be home soon,” Narcissa promised, obviously very rattled by what was to come. They got lucky once, but that didn’t mean they would a second time. “Please, Lucius, I’m starting to panic.”

“Of course I’ll check, don’t worry,” Lucius assured her, putting their fight on hold the same as Narcissa in order to focus on what was really important in that moment. “Just come home soon, alright? I promise I’ll take of it.”

Narcissa swallowed hard but nodded, trusting Lucius to protect them. After she said her goodbye and took her head out of the fire, she felt her sister’s hand on her shoulder. “You’re _certain_ your house is clean?” she asked, and Narcissa knew she wasn’t asking about Dark Objects, or anything tied to Voldemort. She was asking about the murder.

Narcissa swallowed again, wishing she didn’t have this terrible lump of fear in the back of her throat, but nodded. “I… I think. Dobby cleaned up well, and I haven’t… I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary,” she told her, trying to go over her house in her mind’s eye just to make certain. “I think we’re okay.”

“We better be,” Bellatrix said darkly, which of course didn’t make Narcissa feel better in the slightest. She picked herself up off the ground though, and when her sister put an arm around her Narcissa’s body fit snuggly into Bellatrix’s side, her face practically in her neck as she tried to will herself to calm down and not panic. She needed to be absolutely fine by the time the Ministry came, because one wrong step and they were all done for.

Rodolphus was staring at them both from across the room with his arms folded over his chest. “Secrets are what’s going to get us all thrown into fucking Azkaban,” he told them both. “The only way we’re going to keep ourselves out of a massive pile of shit is if we all know what each of us did so we can cover for one another. So if either of you have anything to tell me, now would be the time. I’m tired of both of you bloody fucking us all because you do shit without thinking and fail to tell the rest of us who could be effected by your decisions.”

Bellatrix scoffed at that of course, dismissing that they had ever really done anything wrong. “When have we _ever—_ ”

“Your parents,” Rodolphus interrupted pointedly, which caused Bellatrix to close her mouth rather quickly. “Trying to deceive the Dark Lord, fucking killing that _Order_ wank in the bloody process just so you can knock up your sister… do I really need to go on?! You forget, Bellatrix, what you do comes back on me, and what _she_ does comes back on Lucius. You might not trust us with your secrets, but you need to fucking start, because not once have either of us betrayed you. Like it or not, we’re all in this together, and I for one am bloody tired of being blind-sided by your reckless fucking decision making!”

Bellatrix’s face darkened at that, but she didn’t argue. She was oddly silent, and when Narcissa looked up at her, she realized that a part of Bellatrix was actually debating on whether or not Rodolphus was right. And maybe he was on some level, but that didn’t mean Narcissa was ready for her to start spilling their secrets either. “Bella…” she pleaded quietly, but Bellatrix just shook her head, looking so incredibly frustrated that Narcissa already knew she lost.

“No, he’s fucking right,” she told him, although seemed to hate every single word that came out of her mouth. “What we do affects them and vise-versa, and the longer this war goes on, the more aggressive the Ministry and Aurors are going to become. I might not bloody like it, but we need to protect each other because if one of us goes down, we all fucking are, Cissy. That’s just the way it is.” Narcissa was about to protest, but she didn’t get the chance before Bellatrix nodded her head over towards her and told Rodolphus point blank, “Narcissa killed Rookwood’s wife.”

Narcissa’s mouth dropped just as Rodolphus’ eyes went wide as saucers. Apparently out of everything he had been expecting, it wasn’t that _Narcissa_ had done it. “It was an _accident!_ ” Narcissa defended, not liking how Bellatrix had worded that, nor how bloody _casually_ she said it all. “I just meant to stun her, I didn’t think she’d crack her bloody head open!”

“Alright… that—not exactly what I thought happened, but whatever,” Rodolphus responded, pinching the bridge of his nose momentarily before he glanced over at the large grandfather clock in the corner. “The Ministry shouldn’t be coming to your house until noon, so that means we have a little over two hours. I suggest we discuss this with Lucius so we can all be on the same page before they get there.”

“What? _No!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed, ripping herself out of Bellatrix’s arms in a panic as she took a few steps towards Rodolphus. “I can’t have Lucius know that I’m—!”

“What? Like everyone _else_ in this bloody family?” Rodolphus shot back, which did at least cause Narcissa to purse her lips into a thin line. “Trust me, he didn’t marry you because he thought you were the most pure and innocent thing around, Narcissa. Besides, we’re now implementing a fucking family rule that anything any of us does that could affect the rest of us is discussed between the four of us so we can properly hide our indiscretions. _Preferably_ before you actually do it,” Rodolphus added, specifically looking at Bellatrix for that one, who scowled. “But I won’t hold my breath over it.”

“Rodolphus, the entire reason she was even over my bloody house was because she found out I was sleeping with Bellatrix and was trying to _blackmail_ me over it!” Narcissa exclaimed, needing him to understand that this was more complicated than just telling Lucius she accidentally killed someone. He’d want to know the whole story. He’d want to know _why._ “I _can’t_ tell him that!”

“Oh my God, you both are so bloody—” Rodolphus started, shaking his head in disbelief at how easily someone learned their secret. “Learn some fucking discretion for once in your sodding lives,” he snapped instead. “You both might not think there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing, but the rest of the world thinks incest is fucking disgusting, so _keep it to yourselves._ ”

“It’s not like we let people find out on bloody _purpose,_ ” Bellatrix shot back at him, infuriated with being lectured like that. “So why don’t you just drop the sodding attitude for two seconds before I decide you’re abusing the privilege of having vocal cords because I swear to you, Rodolphus, I’m _this_ fucking close.”

Rodolphus just stared at her for good long moment.

“Look,” he said as he finally turned towards Narcissa, deciding to completely ignore Bellatrix and her threats. “I don’t give a fuck what you say is the reason you did it, but we’re telling him. So I suggest you start thinking quickly because we’re leaving. Now.”

“What? Hey!” Narcissa shouted at Rodolphus, who had already turned around to walk straight out the door. She whipped back around to look back at Bellatrix incredulously, who just gave her a hapless shrug and a small eyeroll before following after her husband. “Are you sodding serious?” Narcissa asked her in angry disbelief. “ _Bella!_ ”

“What?” Bellatrix defended, pausing momentarily to look back at her sister. “You say what you’re good at is lying to him, so _lie to him._ As loathed as I am to admit it, Rodolphus is right; Lucius needs to know what happened in that house before the Aurors start banging down the damn door and searching the entire place, so let’s go.”

Bellatrix turned and left then, leaving Narcissa just standing in the middle of the Lestrange’s home by herself for a good long moment before she finally exhaled a long breath, ran a nervous hand through her hair, and followed after her sister and brother-in-law. She had no idea what she was going to tell Lucius, but then again half of her lies were made up on the spot anyhow, so she’d deal with it. She had to.

The three of them apparated outside of the Malfoy Manor a few moment’s later, and when they entered the house they found Lucius in the parlor, his brow rising at the sight of more people in his home than he had expected. That surprise turned to worry though the moment he laid eyes on Narcissa’s expression, and he quickly stood as he hastily asked, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“We’re implementing a new family rule,” Rodolphus told him, folding his arms across his chest as the two women stood on either side of him. Narcissa hung back a little further than Bellatrix though as she obsessively picked at her nails and looked at the ground; her mind was racing, her heart was pounding, and she still had no idea what she was going to say. “Wherein anytime anyone does _anything_ that can fuck the rest of us over, we tell one another. I’m tired of the two of them always doing a shitty job of covering up their mistakes—”

“ _Hey!_ ” Bellatrix interrupted, offended by her husband’s words. He ignored her however.

“—and the two of us having to deal with the aftermath of their reckless decision making. So, on _that_ note, guess who screwed up now?” Rodolphus finished, his tone sarcastically chipper as his entire expression indicated his displeasure with the situation. 

Bellatrix, of course, looked rather murderous, unhappy with the way her husband had worded that, _especially_ since she had just said that she agreed with him. “Okay, first of all, fuck you; the problem was _dealt with,_ and—”

“Christ,” Lucius swore, pinching the bridge of his nose momentarily before he looked at Bellatrix, his expression incredulous. “What the hell did you do _now?_ ”

“No,” Rodolphus said pointedly. “Not her.”

Lucius’ eyes widened before they turned towards Narcissa, who couldn’t bear to catch his gaze. She had folded her arms into herself like she was trying to disappear, this pained expression on her face as she leaned heavily against the parlor wall. “It was an accident…” she whispered, hating the way her husband was looking at her.

“Narcissa, what—?” Lucius asked, a little flabbergasted by the information as he approached her and put his hands on her biceps to try to get her to face him. “ _What_ was an accident?” he asked, his voice panicked although surprisingly more gentle than Narcissa would have expected.

Narcissa began to cry softly, but the most messed up part of it was that it was more for show than anything else. She hated herself for what she had done, yes, but there was a part of her that ended up compartmentalizing it in order to save her sanity, and she didn’t want to reach down and find that human part of her anymore. So she faked it; it just seemed simpler, in the end. “Margret…” she breathed sadly, another tear falling down her cheek as she looked apologetically up at her husband.

Lucius had straightened up so fast it almost seemed like he wanted to back away from her for a moment, but he didn’t. He just stared at her for a good long while, seemingly unable to find the words. 

“She hit her with a stunning spell and the dumb bitch fell onto the corner of your coffee table and cracked her head open,” Bellatrix told him in that oh-so-casual tone of hers, which of course made Lucius’ eyes widen even more before he whipped around to look at the said table. “She didn’t mean to, so don’t fucking hound on her for it. She’s been a wreck all weekend, and frankly I don’t want her to go back to hysterically crying and throwing up every five seconds.”

“You…” Lucius began, still looking a little dumbfounded by the information. But it finally seemed to click in his head and he exclaimed, “ _Jesus,_ what the fuck— what did you do with the body? Why was she even over here in the _first_ place? Christ, Narcissa, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

“I was afraid of what you’d think of me!” Narcissa exclaimed, which was very true, and something that did make her legitimately distraught at that moment. “I know I’m not perfect, but I never— I never wanted to _be…_ ” She hiccupped slightly then as she sobbed, more tears falling down her cheeks. “I didn’t want it to be real,” she whispered to him sadly. “I just wanted to forget, I’m sorry…”

“Shit,” Lucius swore beneath his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose again before he glanced once more at the table. “ _Shit._ That’s obviously why the bloody rug’s gone then, of course. God damnit, Narcissa, just… just tell me what the hell happened. _Specifically._ ”

Fuck. Alright, she could do this.

Narcissa swallowed hard as she ran a trembling hand through her hair before she sat herself down in one of the armchairs. “She, uh… she stopped by on Friday. I didn’t want to let her in, but she forced her way inside anyway and was being terribly rude. I didn’t understand why she was trying to hang herself socially until she… she reminded me that she had lost everything, and made her intention of blackmailing me perfectly clear.”

Lucius’ brow rose. “Blackmail you with _what?_ ” he raged, unable to fathom how anyone could ever have any dirt on their family, even though it was filled with more secrets than most. Everyone’s eyes were on Narcissa now, wondering how she was going to spin this when both Bellatrix and Rodolphus knew the truth. Narcissa swallowed hard, wringing her hands together in anxiety. 

“She overheard us at Walburga’s,” Narcissa told him solemnly, reminding herself that the best lies always held a grain of truth. “She found out Bellatrix was gay, and I guess she must have inferred that she had feelings for me and that you knew about it since you came out practically _screaming_ at us and saying stuff about her being a threat to our relationship and that she can’t guilt me into loving her ‘in the way that she’d like’. She—”

“ _What?_ ” Lucius raged, looking more infuriated than he ever had in his life. But Narcissa didn’t let him keep screaming at her, and hastily continued as she began to spin a lie.

“She said she’d tell everyone that Bellatrix was gay and perverted, Lucius! She said she’d tell everyone that you condoned someone like that being around your wife because you probably wanted _her_ too and figured this way you could have both of us, and I _know_ it’s not true but I just— I just _panicked_ , Lucius!”

“That… that doesn’t even make any bleeding _sense,_ ” Lucius raged, and alright, maybe it didn’t completely, but Narcissa figured if she just kept talking he wouldn’t see the holes in her lie. Apparently she was wrong. “If she had dirt on Bellatrix, she should have blackmailed _her,_ not you!”

“Well maybe I’m just less scary than my sister is, I don’t know! Maybe she knew I’d do anything to protect her, maybe she just bloody hated me because of _you_ and figured this was a good revenge—”

“Bloody hell… see, this is _exactly_ why I said you need to stop being all over her!” Lucius exclaimed furiously, now turning his rage on Bellatrix as he pointed at her in blame.

“I didn’t fucking do anything!” Bellatrix shouted back at him, no longer staring at Narcissa like she wanted to throttle her for her choice in ‘lie’. Surely she expected her to come up with something better, but she had been put on the spot. She didn’t want to tell Lucius in the first place, and the only reason she was doing it now was because Bellatrix agreed with her stupid husband. Maybe she regretted that now, but it was too late to do anything about it.

“Since you’re so bloody hard of hearing, let me remind you that the only reason Margret knew _anything_ was because you were the one who came out onto the balcony like a drunken idiot and started saying shit that was better left said behind closed doors!” Bellatrix continued, pointing back at him just as angrily. “She heard us because one of the damn windows were open, so if this is anyone’s fault here, it’s _yours!_ ”

“Oh, yeah right,” Lucius spat scathingly, not believing that for a second. “Like you weren’t saying shit to my wife before that; if I’m remembering correctly, it was _you_ who was bitching at her because she told Cassandra that you were gay!”

“Fine, I’ll take that fucking blame, because maybe she did hear that before,” Bellatrix conceded, her expression still blameful and angry. “But the only reason she knew _anything_ about how I felt about Narcissa was because of you, so I’m not the only one to blame for this mess. We all screwed up; but at least my screw up only affected myself. You fucked all of us.”

“Alright, stop!” Narcissa exclaimed, getting up from the chair to get between the two of them. “Stop fighting; it’s already over and done with! This isn’t going to change anything!”

“So what, after you killed her you called _her_ to clean up your mess?” Lucius snapped, now turning on Narcissa, who backed up a few steps from him. He laughed bitterly. “Of course you did, because she’s the only one you turn to when things are bad, isn’t she? When you have _secrets._ I’m so fucking done with the both of you; it’s never going to bloody stop, is it?”

 _That_ made Narcissa’s stomach plummet in her gut, and this time her tears were completely real as she cried, “What did you want me to do, Lucius? You were in _France!_ ”

“I would have come home! Do you honestly think I wouldn’t prioritize you over anything else?!”

“You would have lost your job then; you were meeting with the bloody _Minister_ , Lucius; that isn’t just something you can walk away from without consequences or explanation!” Narcissa exclaimed desperately, not wanting him to think that this was a him vs Bellatrix issue, because that could get very ugly, very fast.

“Don’t be a fucking idiot,” Bellatrix snapped at him, looking at Lucius like his little hissy fit over this was unwarranted. “If you came back to help her cover up a _murder_ you would have lost your job, which would lose your favor with the Dark Lord, who would then _kill you_ for prioritizing anything over the war; and that’s if you didn’t get bloody caught by the Ministry by trying to lie your way around why you had to come home!”

“She’s right,” Rodolphus interjected, finally giving his two cents on the matter as the rest of the family basically imploded around him. Lucius looked at him furiously, but Rodolphus just raised his eyebrows at him pointedly. “Look, I don’t fucking like that everything is always ‘the Bellatrix and Narcissa show’ either, but you couldn’t have come back. Not then. _I_ , however, was home, and—”

“Narcissa was bloody _terrified_ because of what she had done; do you really think _your_ presence was going to comfort her?” Bellatrix snapped at her husband, looking at him as though he had gone mental for even suggesting such a thing. “You would have just stood there and yelled at her for being careless, for not killing the bitch _cleanly…_ whatever! So _no,_ you weren’t bloody invited and I’m not sorry for that; my sister’s emotional well-being will always come fucking first!”

The passion behind Bellatrix’s voice when she said that made Narcissa’s heart flutter and her stomach tighten with appreciation and happiness. She wanted to hug her for that, but Lucius was still standing next to her looking positively _livid,_ and he already wasn’t happy with their relationship and its near-constant flow of secrets.

“Right, because Narcissa’s the end-all, be-all of your entire fucking life,” Lucius muttered, clearly still pissed off that once again, when his wife had a problem, she went to her sister instead of her husband. In the end though, this time she had a _legitimate_ reason to go to Bellatrix, so his anger was not only misplaced, but wildly unfair.

“Is she not for _you?_ ” Bellatrix countered furiously, not liking the way Lucius had said that. “Because if she’s not, I’ll take her the fuck away from you real quick—”

“Stop! Both of you, _stop!_ ” Narcissa begged, hating that they had gone from tentative allies to hating one another again. Why did nothing good ever last? “ _Please,_ ” she begged, more tears beginning to leak from the corners of her eyes. They were more frustrated than upset, but she just felt helpless in that moment. “Please just stop. I know I messed up, and I’m _sorry._ Bella and I did the best we could to fix it though so just… just stop. Please.”

Both of them did quiet down for a second, but the anger was still written all over their expressions. Lucius shook his head in furious disbelief for a second before he finally exhaled a long breath and asked Narcissa impatiently, “Where’s the body?”

“Obviously they burned it,” Rodolphus interjected, which… wasn’t at all true, unless you counted the bodies of the house elf and the owl, but considering they had no other legitimate reason to be at Margret’s unless they mentioned the letters – which seemed like a _terrible_ idea considering they already looked like they screwed up enough – Narcissa let them think that was exactly where it was. “Rookwood’s house is nothing but a pile of bloody ash now. Bloke’s gonna go mental once the Dark Lord lets him out, but nothing we can do about it now.”

“But why burn the entire house?” Lucius asked, his anger disappearing in wake of his legitimate confusion as he turned to Bellatrix. “Surely you could have just hidden her body somewhere else. Buried it, or what have you.”

Bellatrix side-eyed Narcissa, who’s lips pursed into a thin line. If they told them, they risked looking more incompetent and reckless, but what else were they going to say? 

“She was married to a Death Eater, Lucius. She knew exactly who I was, what I can do. And more importantly, what I do to people who get in my way,” Bellatrix began, apparently content on going with the truth. Narcissa pinched the bridge of her nose, but let her continue. In the end, this wasn’t thought through very well, and maybe their husbands deserved to know that… just in case. “It’s why she blackmailed Narcissa and not me. But to protect herself from me, because she knew that I would no doubt try to protect _Narcissa,_ that little cunt decided to write letters to every dominant pureblood family in Britain, informing them all that I was gay and that…” Bellatrix hesitated for a moment, but decided to go with a half-truth as she finished, “that Narcissa and I were having an affair, that _you_ apparently condoned, and often joined in on. Which, by the way, makes me throw up in my mouth a little, but regardless.”

“— _What?_ ” Lucius responded, looking halfway between horrified and flabbergasted. Rodolphus looked shocked as well, as he apparently believed this murder to be a little cleaner and less complicated than it actually was.

“They were to be sent out by her house elf if she wasn’t to return home after some time, and considering because of Narcissa she was now _dead_ , I had to rectify that problem,” Bellatrix told them both. “The letters are gone now, as is that bloody house elf and her owl, for good measure. I covered my bases, we’re _fine._ ”

“You couldn’t have just packed a bag and made it look like she ran off?” Rodolphus questioned, sounding incredibly frustrated by her methods. “I swear, you always have to be so bloody dramatic all the time! You should have gotten those letters and those bodies as far away from that house as you could, because now there’s a chance someone can find either of them in the rubble!”

“Margret’s body isn’t there, just the damn elf, and I saw those letters burn myself, so it’s bloody _fine,_ ” Bellatrix snapped, shooting her husband a furious glare. “Get the fuck off my back; I did everything I was supposed to!”

“The fire is my fault,” Narcissa cut in quietly, causing everyone to turn to look at her. She pursed her lips apologetically before continuing, “She wanted to make it look like Margret ran, but I told her to burn it. I just wanted to get out of there, I just wanted to forget. The recklessness of it all is on me, not her. The whole sodding _thing_ is on me, really, so just… lay off. Please. Bellatrix was only trying to help.”

Lucius exhaled a frustrated breath, but thankfully didn't continue to hound on Bellatrix. “Fine,” he responded flatly. “What's done is done. All we can do now is hope to hell that you guys actually cleaned up your mess well, and that no one comes around asking questions. Rookwood will probably be let out soon, as last I heard he was a simpering, groveling, pathetic shell of a man after what the Dark Lord has done to him and unless our Lord wants to break him _completely,_ I’m sure he’ll let him out relatively soon. Bellatrix?”

He looked towards her to confirm or deny, knowing she had the most access and the most information, and Bellatrix nodded her agreement of his assessment. “Yeah. I’d give him another day, two at most.”

“And there’s no reason he would come back here when he starts to go looking for his wife?” Lucius prodded, which just caused Narcissa to exhale a quiet scoff as she folded her arms over her chest.

“If he even goes looking for her at all; they didn’t even like one another, Lucius. I’m sure he wouldn’t be heartbroken over the loss.”

“I don’t like _her_ either and yet if she went missing, I’d damn sure look for her,” Rodolphus interjected, gesturing at Bellatrix as he made his point. Everyone looked towards Bellatrix to see if that went both ways, and her dramatic eye roll to try to downplay it said it all before she even spoke.

“Call it morbid curiosity to see who killed him before I did, but… yes,” she admitted, albeit rather reluctantly as she didn’t want anyone to mistake that she _cared_ or anything. “I’d try to find out what happened. It’s what you bloody do in a marriage, even if you can’t stand the prick.”

Suddenly Narcissa felt a lot less confident. 

“Rookwood must know that his wife hates Narcissa,” Rodolphus interjected, answering Lucius’ original question. “And vice versa. However, I don’t know if Narcissa doing something awful to her would be the conclusion that he would immediately draw. Narcissa’s… well, rather meek in comparison to most others that Margret surrounded herself with.”

Narcissa’s expression colored with offense at those words. “I am _not_ meek!” That made her sound like… like some kind of compliant _mouse_ or something! She might not be a warrior like the rest of them, but that didn’t mean that she was weak.

“He just means that you’re not violent,” Bellatrix explained, trying to interpret her husband’s words in a more understandable way for her sister. “You’re not underhanded, and as much as you wish you were, you aren’t one of the raging cunts of the socialites who will do anything to get ahead. It’s not a bad thing, Cissy, and right now? It’s what we need, because that means Rookwood probably won’t expect that _you’re_ the one who killed his wife.”

Narcissa’s stomach churned uncomfortably in her gut at those words, but she swallowed down her bile and forced herself to face reality. Her discomfort with it was coming in waves, and Narcissa began to once again meticulously compartmentalize her emotions so she could move past it once more. What was done was done, and there was nothing she could do to change it. They could only move forwards.

“She died there?” Lucius asked, pointing at the coffee table. Narcissa pursed her lips and nodded, and Lucius crouched down to get a better look as he ran his fingers over the edge of the wood, down to business now. “Who cleaned it up?” he asked after a moment’s silence. Looking up at Bellatrix, he assumed, “You?”

But Bellatrix just shook her head. “I removed the body and told Narcissa to get your elf to do the cleanup if she couldn’t stomach it, which she did.”

Lucius continued to meticulously inspect the area, moving the coffee table to see if there was anything under it before moving it back and looking around the rest of the room. “Lucius, it’s _fine,_ ” Narcissa tried to assure him, although perhaps it was more for herself than anyone else. “Dobby has always made this house spotless; I assure you, nothing—”

But she stopped when Lucius’ eyes went a little wide and he went to grab something that was underneath one of the large armchairs nearby. When he righted himself he held out his palm and Narcissa’s heart dropped as she saw what it was: an earring. “…Yours?” he asked, his voice suddenly terse because he knew full-well that it wasn’t.

“Fuck,” Bellatrix swore, looking at Narcissa like this was _her_ fault just as Lucius stood up in a wave of anger and frustration as he practically chucked the earring right at his wife.

“God _damnit,_ Narcissa!” he bellowed, causing Narcissa to instinctively go to her sister’s side, practically hiding behind her even though Bellatrix looked furious with her as well. “Dobby’s a fucking _elf,_ you simple-minded woman! It doesn’t have the capacity for thought past cleaning dirt, dust, and apparently _blood_ , and unless you told it to look for anything out of place, of course it wasn’t going to see something like this! You should have double checked!”

“I’m sorry…” Narcissa whispered in a distraught tone, knowing full-well that this was on her. She just hadn’t thought to look anywhere past where Margret died, but apparently her earring had come loose once her head hit the ground and slid beneath the chair. She felt awful, but there wasn’t any reason to scream at her like that; they had _found_ it after all, didn’t they?!

“Hey!” Bellatrix exclaimed furiously, pointing accusingly at Lucius. “Call her simple-minded again and I swear to God I will rip out your tongue myself! Narcissa might have fucked up, and you might have every reason to be pissed right now, but that doesn’t give you the bloody right to call her names; now fucking _apologize_ to her.”

“I’ll apologize to her _after_ we fix this fucking mess you both put us in,” Lucius responded, still too angry to see past that. “This is why I don’t like her around you, Bellatrix; look what you turned her into!”

“Oh, because I’m the only one in this family that’s a murderer? That’s fucking rich,” Bellatrix spat, placing a protective arm in front of her sister as she held her away from her husband. “You might not have as high of a body count as Rodolphus and I, but you’re no fucking saint either. Don’t you _dare_ start with that right now, because if you’d like I’ll tell Narcissa all the dirty details of the lives that _you_ ended, and something tells me you _don’t_ want that.”

Lucius’ mouth closed at that, but he did shoot his sister-in-law the most scathing look that he could muster because she was right, he _didn’t_ want that. Narcissa never believed him innocent by any means, especially considering what he was involved in, but he had never once admitted that he had personally ended a life either. Not to Narcissa. In the end, he obviously wanted to shield her from the horrible things that he himself had done, and so he let Bellatrix have that one, and just shook his head in anger and frustration before snapping, “Fine, but we go over this entire room with a fine-tooth comb. All of us, _now._ We have a very limited time until the Ministry comes knocking, and while they might not be looking specifically for murder scenes, the last _bloody_ thing I want is for them to find one here, so let’s get going.”

So they did, each of them hoping that by the time their home got raided, there would be nothing to find. And while when they had finished all four of them seemed to breathe a little easier, the fact remained that something had changed between them, and Narcissa worried how it would affect all of their relationships.

Because while honesty and trust was supposed to be a good thing, it came hand in hand with feeling betrayed and left out when people were finally told after the fact, and in the end they all knew that regardless of how it came about, it could have disastrous consequences.

Not just for Narcissa and Lucius, but for all of them.

**TBC…**


	27. XXVII. Autumn, 1978 – Winter, 1978

**CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN  
Autumn, 1978 – Winter, 1978**

Thankfully, the second raid that their family had to endure had favorable results. Unfortunately however, not all Death Eaters were so lucky.

It seemed the warning came to Mulciber much too late, as when his home was subject to what the Auror’s called a ‘routine search for the public’s protection’, they found a number of questionable Dark objects in his possession. Mulciber was not someone that Narcissa knew well, as he was a few years older than herself and wasn’t particularly close with Rodolphus or Bellatrix while in school. Lucius had mentioned him once though and told her that he was well-favored by Voldemort due to the strength and skill of his Imperius Curses, particularly on predominant government officials within the Ministry themselves. 

Now though, he was on the run. 

The second the Aurors found something they had apparently tried to take him peacefully, but Mulciber wouldn’t let them. After a brutal battle that left an Auror seriously injured, Mulciber escaped and had not been seen by the public since, although his face was now plastered on every ‘wanted’ posted in the country. Even as the Aurors picked apart his manor and his wife was brought in for questioning though, they did not label him a Death Eater. There had been no solid proof, but the way he had reacted certainly didn’t help matters, and he was now on their list of suspects.

The Dark Lord was _furious._

As Rookwood was let out of confinement, Mulciber was thrown in as a replacement, and Bellatrix assessed that he would not be let out for a long, long time. Lucius had wondered out loud why the Dark Lord hadn’t just killed Mulciber for nearly exposing them all like that, but Bellatrix had apparently told him that it would have just been a waste of talent, not to mention that the second that he died, all of his Imperius Curses would lift. That would expose them even more, and that was something they could not have. They were on the crux of this war, and they couldn’t afford a misstep now.

The many raids on pureblood homes though had started to cause an uprising however, rich socialites beginning to call the Ministry ‘racist’ for only subjecting them to such a search and not anyone else. It was ridiculous, seeing as everyone knew that the Dark Lord capitalized on blood-purity and would no doubt only appoint Death Eaters that were the same way, but it at least successfully distracted the Ministry while Rodolphus and a handful of others began recruiting more creatures to Voldemort’s cause, most notably the werewolves.

And when the Dark Lord finally let them loose, carnage and destruction rained through London.

It wasn’t enough though. The Ministry had held a vote on whether or not to use Unforgivables against the Death Eaters and while there was overwhelming support for it, there was more that were still against doing such a thing. Many said it would make them ‘no better than the Death Eaters’ and that ‘killing more people wasn’t the answer’ and yet all around them people were dying. It was utter madness, and yet Narcissa was glad for it. She didn’t know what she could do if the motion passed, but at the same time, she knew this was still only the beginning. The worse it got, the more people were going to want it to be revisited and the next time… _next_ time, it would most definitely pass. Narcissa was sure of it, and that terrified her.

Still, there were other things to focus on now.

Rookwood had torn the country apart looking for his wife and someone to blame for the burning of his manor and all of his possessions for at least two weeks until Voldemort finally told him to stop. Narcissa could barely sleep throughout the entirety of that, and when Rookwood had come to her door demanding to know if she had seen Margret, she nearly passed out right there in her foyer. Thankfully Lucius was there as well and was able to talk him down and assure Rookwood that neither of them had, and that perhaps she had just left him after his scandal. Rookwood didn’t take kindly to that suggestion, but he at least left them alone, not thinking for a second that they really knew anything about it. After all, it wasn’t as though they were close to Margret, and Rookwood didn’t seem to believe she was dead.

Due to Rookwood no longer having a place to live or a job though, Voldemort had to find another use for him, and had chosen Lucius to convince the Ministry to make Rookwood an Unspeakable deep within the Department of Mysteries. It wasn’t entirely difficult, as the Ministry still believed Rookwood to have sensitive information and, at Lucius’ insistence, saw how terrible that would be for them if the Dark Lord himself sought out certain information. 

All employees, both past and present, had to be protected now as the Dark Lord began having his Death Eaters terrorize some of the people who had notably and publicly worked in the Ministry in the past. It furthered the desire to get everyone into safety at the very least, and Lucius said that they had hired at least thirty-five more Unspeakables that day, just wanting to hide everyone and anyone from coming into contact with Voldemort if they had ever had anything to do with the Ministry; especially as it seemed as though he was purposefully targeting past employees.

And he was, but only for this reason.

When Narcissa had asked Lucius what Unspeakables did though, Lucius just got very quiet and said he did not know. There were different brackets of employment however; some of the employees were allowed to go home to their families each night so long as they never speak about what they did there, but the deeper, more secretive levels of the Department of Mysteries hardly ever allowed their employees to leave. They lived there, they worked there, and according to Lucius, most went mad within a few years. As the entire process was, on paper anyway, completely voluntary, it never was seen as a real problem. Someone had to do the job, and if someone believed themselves strong enough to handle the absolute isolation, then so be it. Still, it was a fine line.

Rookwood was one such employee now, and any information he gathered was passed on to Voldemort through Lucius. The first day Lucius came home and told Narcissa that he had seen Rookwood though, he had a somber look on his face. Rookwood had changed, he had told her, and not for the better. Still, it was the man’s own fault that he was in this position, and so Narcissa convinced him not to feel bad about it. At the end of the day, Rookwood had made his bed by trying to embezzle money from the Ministry. If this was his punishment, then so be it. 

Things between Narcissa and Lucius however, weren’t good. They both tried to pretend as though nothing had happened as with everything going on lately they barely had time to talk, but when the first snowfall of the season turned into the sky practically dumping on all of London, it seemed the entire world finally ground to a screeching halt. For the first time in ages it felt like there was no war, no nothing. Lucius didn’t go to work, most everything shut down, and it seemed even Voldemort took a day off to regroup. 

“God,” Narcissa breathed as she looked out the window from their sitting room, a steaming cup of tea in her hands and a fluffy robe wrapped around her figure. “All I see is white. I can’t even tell where the ground ends and the sky begins.”

“Mm,” Lucius muttered uncommittedly from around his own cup of tea, the Daily Prophet open on his lap in front of him. Narcissa pursed her lips together, feeling her heart clench in her chest from all this distance between them, and finally turned around.

“We need to talk, Lucius.”

Lucius glanced up at her, but did not speak. Instead, he just waited for his wife to say what she needed to say, even though he didn’t seem all that interested in listening. And so Narcissa exhaled a long, tired breath and crossed the room, sitting in the chair opposite of her husband, her warm mug clutched tightly between her hands.

“I’m sorry,” she finally began, even though she was sure that an apology wasn’t going to fix much at all. Lucius already knew she was sorry, but she wanted to reiterate it. “I’m sorry that I hid what I had done from you. I’m sorry that I went to Bellatrix first. I’m sorry that my sister and I constantly make reckless decisions that end up affecting your life as well because it’s… it’s so _terribly_ selfish of us, and completely unfair on you.”

“Then perhaps you should consider _thinking_ for half a second before you make decisions because I have to be honest, Narcissa; you’re not particularly good at it, and I’m tired of getting emotional whiplash from it all,” Lucius responded, his tone terse but thankfully not angry. Not like how it was weeks before.

“I’m still not over the fact that you sold my child,” he reminded her, causing Narcissa’s eyes to fall downcast towards the floor. “It might have not ended up being mine in the end, but it should have been. I’m still not over the fact that you allowed your sister to _impregnate_ you, and I’m still not over the fact that your first instinct was to _lie_ to me about it. For six bloody years, Narcissa; _six._ And then suddenly you fuck up again, and instead of coming to me with it, you go to _her._ God, I’m just… I’m tired of it, Narcissa; I am. You must understand by now how that makes me feel.”

“It’s not a competition, Lucius—”

“Of course not, because she’d be winning,” Lucius responded bitterly before averting eye contact once more and taking a sip of his tea. Narcissa swallowed, her brow creasing in upset as she tried to figure out what to say to him to make things better. But it was Lucius who spoke next with a, “You know, I tried to play nice. You went bloody mental, and you said you needed her, so I tried to play nice. But I hate her, Narcissa. I fucking hate her with every fiber of my being, and I’m really getting tired of coming second to some… some _psycho_ with incestuous fantasies. Honestly, Narcissa, what does that even say about me, that I could come second to someone like _that?_ ”

“Lucius, please…” Narcissa tried, placing a pleading hand on her husband’s knee as she encouraged him to look at her. Her throat was beginning to close up with emotion, but she didn’t want to cry and beg him to understand, because she didn’t think he ever would. “You know that I couldn’t have come to you then; you _know_ that. You were in France, so please don’t… don’t make this into something it’s not. I wasn’t choosing her over you. I would never.”

“Except that you do. Over and over again,” Lucius responded before he bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head in frustration. Leaning back in his chair, Lucius crossed his arms over his chest and continued, “I don’t know. I just feel like this isn’t working.” He pursed his lips then, a pained expression crossing his face before he pinched the bridge of his nose and admitted in a soft voice, “That perhaps… it never was.”

Narcissa’s eyes widened at those words. “What…?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she stared at her husband as though she weren’t able to comprehend who he was and what he had said to her. The worst part was that he didn’t even seem angry either, just exhausted. Which of course made _Narcissa_ angry because how dare he throw something like that at her so casually; it made her feel as though he didn’t really care about their relationship either way, and that _infuriated_ her.

“ _What??_ ” she reiterated, this time louder and more fiercely as she abruptly stood from her chair, causing it to topple to the ground behind her. “Are you fucking—are you _joking?_ You tell me you want a bloody divorce over _breakfast?!_ ”

“What? _No,_ Narcissa, don’t be bloody—don’t be dramatic,” Lucius responded, sounding a little exasperated that that was where Narcissa’s first thought went. “I never said anything about a divorce.”

“You said that this isn’t sodding working!” Narcissa responded strongly, feeling herself start to become overwhelmed by the emotion inside of her as she choked up a little. “What else am I supposed to infer from that? You’re obviously not happy, but you don’t seem to want to try to fix it either!”

“No, I’m not and no, I don’t,” Lucius told her with another heavy sigh as he got up from the chair himself. Pushing his long hair out of his eyes, Lucius crossed the room to look out at the winter storm. “Not right now, anyway,” he admitted in a strained tone, as though that were emotionally hard for him to voice. “I just think that perhaps both of us need a break from one another; maybe see what else is out there. We’ve lived so much of our lives only surrounding ourselves with one another, and I think that’s a big part of why these types of fairytale marriages don’t work. We were fooling ourselves, Narcissa. We always have been.”

Narcissa stared at him in shock. “You… you don’t want a divorce, but you want us to… what? Openly have _affairs?_ ” she asked, hardly able to believe that this was happening right now. She was so much in a state of shock over it that it didn’t feel like it was crushing her whole like she always believed something like this would, but then again, the day wasn’t over yet. “I can’t believe you want our marriage to just be mere formality, Lucius! That’s not what we were supposed to _be!_ ”

“No, it _wasn’t,_ ” Lucius responded, his tone beginning to get a little terse as he allowed himself to feel the reality of what it was he was doing. “But you made your choice, Narcissa. If you want me to take a backseat to your relationship with another, then I am going to do the same thing to you.”

“ _What?_ That’s… that’s petty, Lucius! Bellatrix isn’t my lover, she’s my _sister!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed, not once flinching at her blatant lie. She was used to telling it, after all. “And yet because you suddenly feel inadequate you’re going to punish me by, what? Finding someone else to parade around in front of me? I can’t believe you would be that _childish._ ”

“That’s not _fucking_ why I want someone else right now, Narcissa,” Lucius snapped, finally allowing himself to feel the anger that this situation brought him as he whipped around to face his wife. “I just want to, for _once_ , know how it feels to be put first by someone else. I want to feel like I’m a priority in someone’s life, and not just… just a trophy husband so you can parade around some picture-perfect life that doesn’t bloody exist just to make the rest of our society jealous.”

Narcissa’s mouth dropped open at that. “You honestly think that’s how I feel about you?!” she exclaimed, this swirling of despair starting to inhabit the pit of her stomach. She felt like she was going to be sick. “I _love_ you, Lucius; I never lied about that!”

And yet, it seemed love wasn’t enough.

“I’m sorry, Narcissa, but this isn’t just some spur of the moment decision,” Lucius told her somberly because at least, on some level, he mourned the loss of their relationship. It had been weeks since he had found out about Margret, and Narcissa wondered if he had been stewing on this decision since then. It enraged her; it broke her heart. “Nor is it a permanent one, despite what you may believe right now. I just want some space, so I’d appreciate if you respected that.”

She didn’t.

Narcissa slapped him so hard across the fact that it left a red hand print in her wake, and Lucius stumbled a few steps back as he cupped his stinging cheek. Furious tears began to sting the back of Narcissa’s eyes and she practically hissed, “How _dare_ you. How dare you pretend space is all you need, when you’ve already told me you’re looking for… for _comfort_ in another woman! Sex is one thing, Lucius; we’ve both had our share of those kinds of affairs, but that… _that_ is something I will not be able to forgive.”

“And yet you expect me to forgive how you are with Bellatrix?” Lucius countered furiously, still rubbing his reddened cheek. The mark looked raw and angry, just as Narcissa did as she stared at her husband. “You’re the most hypocritical person I have ever met.”

“I’m not in a relationship with _Bellatrix!_ ” Narcissa practically screeched, unable to fathom how he couldn’t see a difference even though, in all honesty, there wasn’t one. But Lucius didn’t know that, and she was going to keep it that way. 

“Well you might as well be!” Lucius shouted back, causing Narcissa’s mouth to drop open in shock. “You think I don’t know that you just _eat it up?_ ” Lucius continued, sounding scorned. “You think I don’t know that you love the fact that she’s in love with you? You act as though you’re so starved for attention, when in reality you’re just sucking everyone around you dry. You perpetuate her sickness, Narcissa; you perpetuate it because some fucked up part inside of you needs to feel wanted and desired, even if it should never be from someone like _that._ And honestly, there’s actually a part of me that’s surprised that you’ve never let her bed you, and that… that _sickens_ me. Because if you were into women, I really don’t think for a second that Bellatrix being related to you would stop you, because something in your head believes that your existence isn’t validated unless someone is worshipping the ground you bloody walk on.”

Narcissa couldn’t breathe. She could barely think. She felt so utterly offended and yet at the same time so completely stripped bare of everything that she was that she couldn’t even fathom the fact that it was really happening right now. “Oh my god,” she breathed in horror, just staring at Lucius like she didn’t even know who he was anymore. “I can’t… I can’t believe that that’s really what you—what you _think_ of me. Jesus, Lucius…”

“You’re sick, Narcissa,” Lucius told her without any hint of hesitation, causing the brutal honesty to hit Narcissa much harder than it would have if he had sounded the least bit remorseful. “And I am _sorry_ that the horrors in your childhood drove you to a mental illness, but you know that I’m right. You know you feed off of Bellatrix’s unorthodox affection for you, perhaps even encourage it. And until you realize how fucked up that is, until you can get your life together and get _better,_ I can’t do this with you. I’ve tried. I really, really did. But this is hurting me, Narcissa; and although I know I shouldn’t care, in some fucked up way how you are is even hurting _Bellatrix,_ and yet all you can ever see is yourself as the victim. But you’re not. You’re the one who’s doing this to us, and you need to start realizing that.”

Narcissa didn’t even know what to do after that. She just stared at him in disbelief, this crushing weight on her chest causing tears to leak from her eyes. She barely even acknowledged them though, barely even knew they were there. It was like the whole world had stopped in front of her eyes, and she did the only thing she could think to do right then. A wave of her wand that she had grasped from the inside of her robe had her apparating to her sister’s manor, causing both Bellatrix and Rodolphus to nearly jump out of their chairs in surprise before they both went on the defensive, grabbing their wands and pointing it at the intruder before they realized who it was.

“Jesus fucking _Christ,_ ” Rodolphus spat, infuriated that Narcissa had actually startled him as he slammed his wand down on the table and sat back down. “Don’t you know how to knock? And I thought you had bloody _warded_ this place!” The second statement was towards Bellatrix, who just shot him a look like he was stupid for thinking something like that when her sister was involved.

“Not against her, obviously. Although then again, she does usually use the doorbell, so I honestly had forgotten she had free reign to come and go as she pleased.” She turned towards Narcissa then, and suddenly she became very aware of the look on her sister’s face. Her demeanor completely changed, instantly becoming concerned once she saw the vacant expression and the tear-stained cheeks. 

“Jesus, Cissy, what—what the fuck _happened?_ What’s wrong??” she asked hastily, moving from the table she was having breakfast with Rodolphus at to come over to her sister. Narcissa still didn’t feel like anything was real around her, the numbness Lucius’ words had inflicted on her now settling deep inside of her soul.

“…Make love to me,” she requested in this airy, detached sounding voice. Part of Narcissa really didn’t even realize what she was voicing, although not like it mattered really. Not then. Bellatrix just looked at her like she had gone insane though, and that look was mirrored by Rodolphus, who was bearing witness to all of this.

“ _What?_ ” Bellatrix asked, unable to fathom what was going on in that moment, nor why Narcissa would request for her to do something best done behind closed doors. 

“Maybe she’s just trying to tell you she’s into exhibitionism,” Rodolphus joked in order to mitigate his own discomfort with the situation. Bellatrix grabbed a cushion off of one of the dining room chairs and chucked it at his face without even sparing him a singular glance. It missed however, landing in Rodolphus’ oatmeal and causing it to spill everywhere, including on him.

“Oi!” he protested as he frantically tried to wipe it off with his hands, but to no avail. He was ignored anyway.

Another tear slipped down Narcissa’s cheek as her vacant gaze finally landed on her sister in front of her. “Make love to me,” she breathed, unable to feel anything other than sorrow in that moment. She couldn’t bare it. “Make me feel something else; make me feel something _better,_ Bella, please…”

“After you tell me what happened,” Bellatrix told her, gently grasping her sister’s face in her hands as she searched her eyes. “Okay? Please, Cissy, just talk to me because you don’t… you don’t look well right now, and it’s scaring me. Did you take your medication today?”

Narcissa shook her head no. She always took it after breakfast, but she hadn’t gotten a chance to eat yet because this all came about during their morning tea. Not like it mattered anyway; it wasn’t some magic fix it, or an instantaneous pill. Still, her taking it apparently would make _Bellatrix_ feel better about the situation, because she turned to her husband and told him, “Go over there and get it for me. Please. Use the fireplace; it’s snowing too badly to apparate outdoors.”

“What do I look like, your bloody errand boy?” Rodolphus shot back, still irritated that he had gotten food spilled all over him, despite the fact that he had already cleaned it up with a mere wave of his wand.

“ _Rodolphus,_ ” Bellatrix snapped, turning her head back towards her husband, her voice deadly serious as she stared at him down. “I will not debate this with you. If you need a bloody favor in return then I’ll do it, but just _do as I say._ Something’s wrong with Narcissa, and she needs her fucking medicine right now!”

Rodolphus blatantly rolled his eyes at that, but did do as he was told. 

Narcissa was still crying softly, not really able to formulate much thought at the moment. She felt so very empty all of a sudden, and that scared her. Bellatrix’s palm was warm on her face though as she cupped her cheek and wiped the tears from her eyes with her thumbs, and Narcissa couldn’t help but turn her face into her touch as she sobbed a little harder.

“Cissy,” Bellatrix requested softly, and much more patiently than Narcissa ever believed she would ever have in her. “Breathe. Speak to me. What happened?”

Narcissa hiccupped a little through her tears just as they heard the loud roar from the fireplace in the other room, signaling Rodolphus’ leave. “He… he wants someone else,” she finally breathed in sorrow, finding that it hurt so much more to say it out loud. She dissolved into tears again, but Bellatrix’s brow just furrowed, not understanding what she was telling her.

“Who, Lucius?” Bellatrix asked, sounding as though she were just double-checking, as it didn’t seem to make sense to her. “What, he told you he wanted a divorce?” Her tone indicated that she didn’t believe in the slightest that that would ever happen, and for good reason probably, as it didn’t. Narcissa shook her head.

“He… wants… _space_ … from me,” Narcissa sobbed, having to stop momentarily as she covered her mouth and tried to muffle the sounds of her own devastation. “He… wants someone… _better…_ ”

“What?” Bellatrix asked, still holding so much disbelief in her tone that it was frustrating Narcissa. She was smoothing out her hair now, and yet instead of comforting her, suddenly Narcissa realized this entire interaction felt rather condescending. “There _is_ no one better, Cissy, come on; calm down. I’m sure it was just a fight, yeah? You’ll feel better when you take your medication.”

“It’s not some magic _fix-it_ pill!” Narcissa suddenly shouted at her, causing Bellatrix’s brows to rise at the complete switch of emotion. Suddenly her sorrow had taken a backseat to her anger, and she ripped her face away from her sister’s grasp and glared at her. “I thought you read everything you could about my disorder, and yet you don’t even know how the medication works?” she spat, even though in all honesty she would never really expect Bellatrix to know the ins and outs of her own pills. It wasn’t her responsibility. Still, this was making her angry.

“Missing one dose wouldn’t make me go completely _mental,_ and even if it did, it wouldn’t happen within fifteen minutes of when I was supposed to take it!” Narcissa continued to shout, causing Bellatrix’s lips to purse into a thin line. “This isn’t a fucking overreaction, Bella! Lucius wants someone else; he wants someone who’s not going to choose their bloody _sister_ over their husband every single day, who won’t lie to him, who won’t—who won’t be _me_ , okay? I’ve lost my fucking husband, Bella! I’ve lost my _fucking—!_ ” But that was all she could get through, because the emotion welled itself up in her throat again and Narcissa completely broke down, collapsing onto her knees as she cried.

God, she had lost her husband.

Because it didn’t matter if Lucius didn’t want a divorce or not. Purebloods didn’t _do_ things like that, at least unless reputation was involved. Emotions though? They were useless things to people like them. Half of the pureblooded married couples were forced into unhappy marriages just to keep the bloodline pure, so it wasn’t like people divorced one another because they were suddenly _no longer in love_ or anything. So no, they wouldn’t divorce. In term only, she wouldn’t lose her husband.

But she had lost him emotionally. She had lost the man she loved, and that broke her heart.

“What the fuck?” Bellatrix responded, now finally _getting_ that this wasn’t just some random overreaction. “What the _fuck?_ How did this even—it’s eight in the bloody morning, Narcissa; how the fuck did this even become a conversation that you were _having?_ What _happened?_ ”

“I just… I wanted to apologize!” Narcissa cried, practically crumpled into a ball on the floor at this point as she covered her face with her hands. “Because we never… we never talked about what happened with Margret, and I could feel us drifting apart and I thought… I thought if I just _apologized_ that he’d understand that I was sorry that I fucked up, but he… he must have been thinking about leaving me for a while, because all of a sudden all this _stuff_ came out and God, Bella, he said—he said so many horrible things about me, about _us_ , and—Jesus, this isn’t _fair!_ This is hardly the worst thing I’ve ever done to him; and he was in bloody _France_ at the time! How was I supposed to choose him over you then? I _couldn’t!_ ”

“Jesus,” Bellatrix breathed, running a frustrated hand through her hair before she finally crouched down to be on the same level as her sister. She was silent for a moment as she placed her hands over her nose and mouth, teepeeing her fingers as she softly shook her head. “It’s not,” she finally told her, her voice much quieter than Narcissa would have expected. “It’s not the worst thing you’ve ever done, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not one thing at this point, Cissy, it’s everything. _Fuck._ We should have never told him. Fuck Rodolphus and his ‘family with no secrets’ bullshit.”

Narcissa, who had expected her sister to get angry over the revelation, completely broke down again at how _rational_ Bellatrix sounded. As if she knew, on some level, that Lucius’ anger was justified. But that wasn’t what Narcissa wanted to hear. That’s not what she wanted to accept. She wanted this to be unfair, because if it wasn’t then it really meant that he had every right to leave her, and she couldn’t bear what that said about her.

The fireplace erupted in flames then as Rodolphus stepped out, holding far too many bags than he should have been for just going over there to get medication. Narcissa looked over at him through the large open threshold that separated the dining room from the living room, and the sight of what her brother-in-law had in his hands completely wrecked her. “Oh my god…” she breathed in horror before she started hysterically crying, causing Bellatrix to get to her feet so fast she almost knocked Narcissa straight off of her.

“I’m going to kill him,” she announced so seriously that Narcissa actually feared she really _might,_ but Bellatrix didn’t get very far anyway because Rodolphus purposely blocked her way once he had put down Narcissa’s bags.

“No, you’re bloody-well not.”

“Excuse me?!” Bellatrix exclaimed, her eyes flashing at being so blatantly shut down like that, as if Rodolphus actually had the authority to do something like that. “I don’t think I asked your fucking permission, now _move._ ”

“Why, so you can go slaughter the shell of a man that _you_ forced me to come face-to-face with?” Rodolphus countered furiously, apparently upset that he was made to witness some sort of actual human _emotion._ “The bloke’s bloody crying over there, Bellatrix; like actual fucking tears, as if that’s something men _do._ Whatever the hell Narcissa did, she already broke him, so killing him? Really sodding pointless if you ask me.”

Narcissa’s chest clenched at those words, hardly able to believe that Lucius was really that distraught over his _own_ decision. If he didn’t want to do this, if he didn’t want to lose her, then why did he break it off with her in the first place?! It made no bloody sense, and it hurt a whole lot worse than Narcissa wished it did.

“Besides,” Rodolphus continued, looking both exasperated and rather irritated by this whole ordeal. But then again, he generally always was when it came to their drama. “He only wants her to stay here for a little while so _you_ can watch her; make sure she doesn’t go off the deep end and kill herself or… whatever it is that insane people do nowadays. Apparently, he’s passed the torch of ‘babysitter of the chronically mentally ill’ to you, although I’m sure that’s what you wanted all along. So congratulations, I’m sure you’re _ecstatic_ that your little pet can now sleep in your bed every night. Drink? I think this calls for a drink.”

The amount of hatred and sarcasm in Rodolphus’ voice was making Narcissa ill, but it was making Bellatrix angry. When he crossed into the dining room to grab one of the wine glasses out of the large overhanging cabinet on the eastern side of the room, it was slapped out of his hands so fast that Rodolphus noticeably jumped when the glass shattered loudly on the floor. 

“Fuck off, you honestly think I _enjoy_ this?” Bellatrix seethed in his face, insulted that Rodolphus would think that she found pleasure in her sister’s pain. “I know you hate it when Narcissa lives with us, but I’m not about to throw her out onto the streets either. Besides, Lucius will get over this soon enough; he’s just being bloody dramatic to make a point to her. Once Narcissa gets it, she’ll be back home, so don’t pop the cork on your coping mechanisms just yet, _dear._ I give it a week, tops. Lucius doesn’t have the stomach or the resolve to last longer than that.”

And yet, a week passed, and nothing changed.

“He probably has someone else by now… doesn’t he?” Narcissa asked softly, lying naked on her back in Bellatrix’s bed as she stared vacantly up at the ceiling. It had been quite a while since they had finished having sex, but Narcissa couldn’t bring herself to get dressed. She didn’t really feel like leaving the bed all day anyway, so what would be the point of clothes?

Besides, fucking Bellatrix had been the only thing that distracted her from her shitty circumstances over the past week, so if they were to do it again, like say maybe soon, it wouldn’t be the worst thing. As it was, she was already thinking far too much about Lucius.

“You mean like you do?” Bellatrix countered as she threw an oversized t-shirt over her head. Narcissa turned her head to glare at her sister for that comment, but the brunette’s back was turned to her.

“That’s not fair. You’re different, and I had you long before this.”

“Just saying you sound hypocritical,” Bellatrix told her before she grabbed her knickers off the floor, getting up briefly so she could step into them. “Besides, it’s only been a week. If anything, he probably now just stopped crying over it. If it makes you feel any better though, I haven’t seen him with anyone, but then again the Dark Lord’s meetings aren’t exactly a prime place to meet women. There’s only a few of us in His inner circle, and we’re not exactly his type; he seems to like his women a little less murderous, which come to think of it might have been your downfall, in the end.”

That was… that was _harsh,_ but Narcissa tried not to let it bother her. She didn’t want to get into an argument and besides, as badly as it hurt, Bellatrix was probably right. This all happened after Lucius found out about Margret, after all. Even if it was an accident, it did drive a large wedge between them.

Narcissa pursed her lips, rolling over on her side and propping her head up on her hand as she looked at her sister, who had now turned to face her. “Has he said anything to you?” she asked softly, almost as though she were afraid of the answer.

Bellatrix, however, just laughed. “You think he speaks to me? That’s funny.”

“He hasn’t even asked if… if I’m alright?” Narcissa asked, her brow creasing as that caused a slight pang in her heart. She would have hoped that regardless of anything else, that Lucius would want to know that she hadn’t done anything rash in regards to what had happened.

“Lucius knows that if something happened, I would have already told him,” Bellatrix rationalized, like Narcissa should know better. “Regardless, you’re on medication now, and even if it doesn’t fix everything, it clearly helps you. If this had happened a year ago, you would have probably tried to kill yourself, and the fact that all you did was cry and briefly shut down emotionally after it happened speaks volumes. Honestly, you don’t even have to be here; you’re obviously stable enough to handle this now.”

Narcissa sat up at that, the hurt she was feeling resonating deeper inside of her as she asked, “Do you… you actually want me to _go?_ ” God, that stung more than anything else. Bellatrix was her safe haven; her home. If she had to leave her, then she wouldn’t know where to go.

“Of course I don’t fucking want you to go,” Bellatrix responded, looking at her as though she were stupid to have ever reached _that_ kind of conclusion. “If I had it my way I’d have you live with me for the rest of our lives. All I’m saying is that you don’t _have_ to for safety reasons, because you’re obviously not about to do anything rash. So don’t take that as me saying I want you gone, Cissy, because I don’t. I really, really fucking don’t.”

Narcissa pursed her lips briefly before the corners of her mouth turned down into a small frown. “I don’t… know how I can go back,” she admitted softly, hating how weak that made her sound. “How can I share a house with him, a _bed_ with him, and yet not have him? It would kill me. Even being away from him for _this_ long has been killing me, and yet I don’t even think he cares.”

“I know this is probably not what you want to hear, Cissy, but if you go back you probably won’t be sharing a bed with him,” Bellatrix told her, her tone more matter-of-fact than the sympathy Narcissa needed in that moment. “You probably won’t even share a room, like Rodolphus and I, like most pureblooded couples, because most of us all fucking hate each other. I know this hurts, Cissy, but if this estranged relationship is where Lucius and you end up, it won’t be the end of the world. Everyone else does it, after all.”

_That_ caused Narcissa to scoff in disgusted disbelief as she sat up a little more, clutching the sheets to her chest as suddenly, she decided she didn’t want her sister to see her naked anymore. “Oh my god, you actually _hope_ that this is the end of us, don’t you?”

Bellatrix side-eyed her in irritation. “ _Really_ not what I just said, Narcissa.”

“Really? Because it sounds like you’re trying to make me accept that Lucius and I are over!” Narcissa exclaimed, feeling so immensely betrayed by that even though in the back of her mind she knew it didn’t make sense to feel that way. Of course Bellatrix would rather she give up on her relationship with Lucius; then she’d have her all to herself. That’s all her sister ever wanted, and yet some part of her was actually surprised by this? It was madness.

“I’m _trying_ to make you prepared for anything,” Bellatrix corrected tersely, quickly becoming on the defensive. “Because honestly by now I thought he’d come running over here to get you back because he was afraid you _would_ start fucking me so that you wouldn’t be alone, or just to spite him, or because you were vulnerable and he believes I’m a shitty enough person to take advantage of that. _But he hasn’t._ And I’m not saying that means that he doesn’t care, but it obviously means he’s thinking of his own emotional well-being over yours for once, and I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, Cissy, but that in _no_ way bodes well for you right now, because he’s never bloody done that before.”

Narcissa sucked in a hard breath at that, having to avert her eyes from her sister as they began to sting with hot tears. She had known that Lucius not coming for her for an entire week didn’t mean anything good, but she didn’t realize how much of a statement it made as to what was really going on. Bellatrix was right, Narcissa _knew_ she was right, and yet she didn’t want to accept it, and so she violently shook her head as a singular tear ran down her cheek.

“No,” she breathed, her voice wavering a little in her despair. “No, you’re wrong. He’ll come for me. He will, I know he will…”

And yet, he never did.

When Narcissa finally returned to her own manor, it had been three weeks since Lucius and she had last spoken. He never came for her, never told her to come home, and yet Narcissa couldn’t stand it anymore. As much as she loved Bellatrix, and loved living with Bellatrix, she missed her _home._ She missed her own bed, she missed her old life, and the longer she stayed away, the more she felt like she was losing it. Or, in some ways, like Lucius was forcibly _taking_ it from her. 

Narcissa realized that the longer she stayed away, the longer it seemed like she was atoning for doing something wrong. But she didn’t do anything wrong, and that was her point; she understood Lucius was angry with her, but it wasn’t like her attachment to Bellatrix was anything _new,_ and it wasn’t like she was planning on detaching herself from her sister anytime soon. She _couldn’t,_ and Lucius bloody-well knew that. Yes, perhaps she could have placed his importance a little higher than Bellatrix’s, but until he gave her the chance to, she wouldn’t be able to prove that she _could._ So she came home, hoping that maybe Lucius might want to work on things.

It didn’t exactly work out that way though.

“I… thought you would have been home much sooner than this,” Lucius told her, albeit a little awkwardly once he laid eyes on his wife who had just entered their manor through the front door. Narcissa put down her bags in a bit of a huff, the bottoms of the suitcases hitting the marble floor with a soft thwack. She was already irrationally irritated because when she approached her _own_ door there was a part of her that actually considered ringing the doorbell.

_Ringing the doorbell._ In her _own_ home. Just having the mere thought made her so, so angry, because that should have never been something that ever entered her mind.

“And _I_ thought you’d actually come for me,” Narcissa responded tersely, taking off her coat before hanging it up on the hooks by the door. Little snowflakes fell from the fabric, melting instantly once they touched the warm ground. “I guess we were both wrong.”

“I thought it would be best to give you space,” Lucius responded, his tone gentle and yet underlying with defensiveness. “If we _both_ had space. I just didn’t think it would take you this long, that’s all I was trying to say. I was beginning to wonder if Rodolphus relayed my message wrong, and you believed I had kicked you out of the house permanently.”

“You’ll pry this house from my cold, dead fingers,” Narcissa responded sharply, nearly strangling herself as she roughly pulled off her scarf. Lucius’ brow rose at the furious display, but wisely chose to say nothing. “Half of the money that went into this was mine, so don’t expect to be living here with your new whore anytime soon.”

Lucius pursed his lips into a thin line at her tone, but did not argue. Narcissa internally winced though at the way she was treating him, because this wasn’t what she came here for. She wanted to work things out, and yet just coming back here made her emotional, which was making her angry because she hated that this had even happened in the first place. It wasn’t fair.

“And here I thought you’d _jump_ at the chance to permanently live with the one person you apparently love more than anyone else,” Lucius responded underneath his breath as he turned away from her, content on leaving this conversation as it obviously wasn’t going well. “Color me surprised.”

Narcissa’s hand shot out and connected heavily with the front door, the loud noise alerting Lucius enough to actually turn back around to face her. “Are you fucking _kidding_ me with this?” Narcissa exclaimed, furious that he had gone there. “I swear, it’s like you _want_ me to fuck her or something. Is that it, Lucius? Do you want to be _right_ so badly that you no longer even care if I’ve become that fucked up?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, are you saying you _didn’t_ seek comfort in your sister after what happened? Because I find that very hard to believe.”

“Comfort and sex are two very different things, Lucius!” Narcissa snapped, hating that he was so convinced now that maybe there really was something going on between them after all. This really did not bode well for her, and things were starting to look worse instead of better.

“You’re _Borderline,_ Narcissa,” Lucius responded back, his tone furious and upset now as he looked across the room at his wife. “You’re bloody _terrified_ of being alone, to the point of going to extreme measures to make sure it never happens, and you honestly think that I believe that when I left you, you didn’t run to the first person you knew you could have? You don’t have to be a dyke to want the love she gives you, Narcissa. You’ll take anything you’ll bloody get, so long as you have something to hold on to; your disorder makes _sure_ of that.” 

“If you were so convinced that I’d sleep with Bellatrix the second you left me, then why did you bloody leave me?!” Narcissa shouted, infuriated by his logic. “You’ve spent so much of your life trying to keep me away from her, to protect me from the way she feels about me, and yet you practically throw me at her! _Why?!_ ”

“Because I wanted to see if you’d really do it,” Lucius answered honestly, somberly. He paused for a long moment, wetting his dry lips as he stared at her. “So did you?” he asked finally, and it wasn’t even an angry question; instead, he sounded so terribly defeated.

Narcissa hesitated for a long moment before she admitted softly, “…I wanted to. I thought about it.” She didn’t know why she was telling him that, but maybe it was because she didn’t think he’d believe her if she straight out said no. He had obviously drawn his own conclusions already. 

Lucius didn’t say anything to that, he just let out a long breath that he had been holding as he awaited her response and rubbed his temples.

“I understand what my disorder is, Lucius,” Narcissa told him, a little calmer now that both of them weren’t actively screaming at one another. “And if this had happened before I was on medication, I probably would have slept with her. I won’t lie about that. I was angry at you, I was scared that my whole life was falling apart, and Bellatrix has always made a sort of sense to me when nothing else did. But in the end, I was still clear-headed enough to make the choice not to; to come _home,_ even if it would have been easier to just hide away with her. But if I had slept with her, Lucius, it would have hurt you, and it would have hurt _her,_ because she is not what I want, and… and I think you know that.”

Lucius’ lips pursed into a thin line as he just stared at her, absorbing that. It took a while, but when he spoke he wasn’t angry, wasn’t hurt. Instead he just said, “Thank you for your honesty,” and turned away from her to retreat into the kitchen.

Narcissa closed her eyes as she ran her hands over her face, exhaling a loud breath. She didn’t know if that hurt or helped, but it was the only thing she could think to do. She wanted Lucius to know she chose _him,_ even when there was viable competition, because that was what he wanted, wasn’t it? For her to choose him over Bellatrix?

Swallowing her nerves, Narcissa allowed herself to retreat after her husband. She found him by the liquor cabinet, pulling out a bottle of expensive scotch. She didn’t say anything for a long moment, just watched him pour it into a snifter. Him _drinking_ wasn’t a very good sign, but perhaps it was just a night cap. It was rather late, after all.

“Lucius?” she asked softly from the threshold, unsure if she should even be in the kitchen. She needed to know where they were though, and the way her husband left the conversation didn’t give her much of an answer. “Are we okay?” 

Lucius sighed heavily before taking a long sip of the liquid. “No,” he told her finally, but he didn’t sound angry about it, or sad, or… anything, really. He just sounded like he had come to terms with reality, whereas Narcissa herself had not. _Could_ not. “I’m sorry, Narcissa, but no; nothing’s changed.”

Narcissa began to get visibly upset at that. “ _Lucius—_ ”

“What?” he interrupted firmly, turning to face her with a tense expression. “Did you honestly think that telling me that you thought about sleeping with your sister but didn’t because of _me_ would make any difference? You can’t just come back and tell me I won some weird competition that, I’m sorry, should have _never_ existed in the first place because it’s entirely fucked up, and think that everything is somehow fixed. I deserve more than that, Narcissa. I’m just sorry I didn’t realize it until now.”

“So what?” Narcissa asked, her voice beginning to choke up in her throat. A part of her really thought that Lucius would forgive her, because he always had. That was their dynamic; she fucked up, he loved and forgave her regardless. And now that that wasn’t happening, Narcissa wasn’t quite sure what to do. “That’s _it?_ We’re just done? You really can walk away from me that easily?!”

“If you think this has been fucking easy, Narcissa, then you obviously haven’t been paying attention,” Lucius snapped, infuriated that she would think something like that. 

“Fuck you,” Narcissa responded, the words coming out strained as she tried to force herself not to cry in front of him. He didn’t deserve her tears. “Fuck you, and you are _not_ taking my room, so I hope you’ve already made other sleeping arrangements.”

“…I have,” Lucius responded softly, which felt like a punch in the gut to Narcissa, because she hadn’t really thought that he would separate their sleeping spaces that quickly. God, she just wanted to break down into tears, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. He might be the one to break her, but fuck him if he thought he could bask in her defeat.

Narcissa had to turn away from him then, trying desperately to keep her tears at bay, yet feeling herself failing. “God, I hope you’re _miserable_ with whoever you end up with,” she seethed, one tear finally escaping its confines and sliding torturously down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly and violently. “I really, truly do. And if you ever, and I mean _ever_ bring her here, the next fucking person I kill won’t be an accident.”

She went to storm off then, unable to stand being in his presence any longer, but she was halted by her husband calling out, “—Narcissa.”

“ _What?!_ ” Narcissa raged as she whipped around to face him, wishing her anger was overshadowing her complete devastation, and yet feeling the tears fall down her cheeks without permission from her brain. 

Lucius swallowed a little uncomfortably at the sight, as though he was trying not to let her obvious sorrow affect him. “There’s… something you need to know.”

Narcissa’s breath left her as suddenly every single bad scenario came to mind, all of them involving Lucius cheating on her. Or was it even cheating, considering they weren’t really romantically involved anymore? The ring on her finger was a joke now and if it wasn’t an expensive status symbol, Narcissa would have taken it off and chucked it at his head.

She hated him. She _hated_ him.

“I swear to God, if you tell me you already have another woman somewhere in this house I will _cut off your sodding bollocks,_ ” Narcissa seethed, all of her muscles tensing for a fight as she came to, what she thought anyway, was the logical conclusion in this situation. He seemed entirely too serious for this to be a conversation about something mundane, after all. 

“What? Of course not,” Lucius responded, looking at her like her conclusion was unfathomable. He also seemed slightly offended by the insinuation, which was bloody laughable at this point. “You may not believe so, but it will take me much longer than a couple weeks to get over you. I didn’t do this because I already had someone else I was interested in, Narcissa; I did this for me and my own bloody sanity.”

“Right, I’m sure,” Narcissa scoffed, not believing that in the slightest as she violently wiped more tears from her stained cheeks. Her makeup was no doubt completely ruined now, and she hated how far she had fallen. 

Lucius didn’t argue that though, apparently finding it pointless as Narcissa probably wouldn’t believe a word he said anyway. “I’m telling you this solely because while we may no longer be lovers at the moment, we still share a home, and you deserve to know what’s inside of it.”

“What the fuck are you on about?” Narcissa demanded, not understanding where he was going with this.

“The Dark Lord entrusted something to me earlier today,” Lucius explained to her, approaching her and yet still keeping a respectable distance. “Something that he said is powerful and of the utmost importance. It won’t be here long as I plan to put it in our vault once I have the time, but… in case anything happens—”

“What, you mean like another bloody _raid?_ ” Narcissa spat, infuriated that he would do something like this at a time like this. “You know the Ministry is hunting down Death Eaters like dogs, and yet you willingly bring something Dark into our house? Have you gone completely _mental?!_ ”

“We _just_ got raided, Narcissa, I hardly think—”

“Nearly two months ago!” Narcissa interrupted, needing him to see sense. Was this his punishment for her? Willingly putting her in danger? Jesus, it was like he didn’t bleeding think sometimes! “It might have been years between the first and the last, but things are getting worse out there, and the Ministry is becoming more aggressive in their search! God, I can’t believe you’d be this fucking _reckless!_ ”

“Hey, _no,_ you do not get to talk to me about ‘reckless’,” Lucius shot back, pointing at her furiously. “At least I don’t fucking murder people in the home we both share and besides, when the Dark Lord ‘asks’ you to do something, you can’t just say _no._ You know our situation better than that, so don’t pretend like I had a choice in the matter.”

Narcissa just furiously shook her head at him though, her lips in a tight line and her arms crossed over her chest. “I can’t believe you,” she repeated angrily. “What even _is_ it; a weapon of some kind? And where the bloody hell did you _put_ it?”

“I hid it beneath the floorboards in the attic and no, it’s not a weapon. It’s… a diary,” Lucius finished rather uncertainly, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. And for good reason too, as Narcissa was now looking at him like he was insane.

“A _diary?_ ” she repeated incredulously. “What, are the pages filled with, ‘Dear Diary, today I murdered so and so, and later I’ll be having a tea party for all my Death Eaters, _who’s names are as follows’?_ ” Narcissa scoffed after her tirade of sarcasm, thinking Lucius was lying to her. “What a bunch of rubbish.”

“The pages are blank actually and I don’t… I don’t _know_ what it is, exactly,” Lucius admitted, although seemed loathed to do so because it just made him sound like a sheep who did nothing but follow orders and not ask questions. Although, then again, that was what all the Death Eaters did. “All he said was that it was very important, and that no one was to get their hands on it. It seems harmless enough, but clearly it _isn’t_ otherwise he wouldn’t have me guarding it. Regardless, I promise it will be gone soon, alright? But I just… I just thought you ought to know what was going on.”

“Fine, whatever,” Narcissa snapped furiously, turning back around in order to storm out again. She didn’t want to be around Lucius for another second. “Just continue to fucking jeopardize my safety, I don’t care.”

Lucius sighed heavily at that. “Narcissa, that’s not fair…”

“You want to talk about _fair?!_ ” Narcissa screeched, now so far past angry that it almost made her look rather mental as her eyes went wide and her fists clenched to her sides. “You just destroyed my entire fucking life, and you actually have the nerve to speak to me about what’s _fair?_ What would have been _fair,_ Lucius, was if you didn’t throw a fucking hissy fit over the fact that I asked my sister to help me _when you were out of town._ There was no conceivable way that that situation could have gone any other way, and yet you’re punishing me for it—!”

“No, I’m punishing you because you’re a bloody _liar!_ ” Lucius raged, causing Narcissa to swallow the rest of her words as her eyes welled up with furious tears again. “You could have told me when I came home, Narcissa; you could have fucking told me and trusted me to help you, and yet you didn’t. This isn’t just about Bellatrix and your disgusting, borderline-incestuous relationship with her, this is the fact that you lie to me, over and over, and barely even bat an eyelash about it! It comes as easy to you as _breathing,_ and that— that fucking _devastates_ me.”

“I can’t trust you, Narcissa,” Lucius told her, his tone blatant and unforgiving, and yet the emotion behind the statement swirled deep behind sea green eyes. “I just fucking can’t. Everything you say to me now, I wonder if it’s even the truth, or just some bullshit you concocted just to get yourself out of trouble. The whole baby situation cracked the fucking foundation of our relationship, and as much as I wish you had given me a reason to feel as though it were mending, you didn’t. You just kept lying to me, over and over, and I’m just… I’m done. I’m just _done._ ”

Narcissa wished she had something to say to that, but for once in her life, she didn’t. She was utterly speechless, because he was _right._ She wanted to be angry with him, she wanted to blame him for what was happening, but as she stood there and stared at her husband with tears running down her cheeks, Narcissa realized that perhaps, this really was her fault.

Perhaps it always had been.

**TBC…**


	28. XXVIII. Winter, 1979

**CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT  
Winter, 1979**

“You’re making it worse, you know,” Bellatrix casually mentioned after Lucius had thrown them both a disgusted look as he passed by the parlor on his way to work. While normally the estranged husband and wife had just been ignoring one another’s presence, Narcissa had now taken to doing petty things to bother him, like practically be all over her sister whenever Lucius was around. Not in a sexual way of course, but just… physically.

Bellatrix had come over for breakfast at her request one cold January morning, and afterwards they had decided to relax on the couch before getting ready for the day. Bellatrix was sitting at the far-right edge with her feet propped up on the coffee table slash accidental murder weapon, and Narcissa’s was spread out on the rest of the upholstery, her head in her sister’s lap. Bellatrix was idly playing with her hair, which was innocent enough Narcissa supposed, but it was she who held Bellatrix’s other hand in her own, encouraging the woman to gently caress her bare stomach. Her bunched up blouse was just shy of revealing the undersides of her breasts, and she made sure to make little sounds of contentment with each comforting rub of her sister’s hand, wanting the display to look intimate, but not overtly sexual.

She could only push this so far, after all.

“What?” she had asked innocently when Lucius had actually stopped dead in his tracks to practically do a double take at their position. He had looked horrified, and the spiteful part of Narcissa reveled in it. “I have a stomach ache.”

Lucius had shot her a look that indicated that he knew _exactly_ what she was doing though, and he stormed off after making sure that he looked thoroughly disgusted with the display. The front door slammed heavily in his wake, and that was when Bellatrix had made her little comment. 

“I don’t care,” Narcissa responded, knowing that sounded very childish. She was hurt though, and she couldn’t bear living in this house like this anymore. “He deserves it.”

“Weren’t you _just_ saying how you realized that this entire ordeal was your fault?” Bellatrix countered, looking down at her with one raised brow. “I mean, not that I care what makes Lucius-bloody-Malfoy cry, but if you understand why he’s left you, then why are you torturing him?”

“Because he didn’t even want to _try!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed, letting go of her sister’s hand as she huffed and roughly pulled down her blouse. She rolled over on her side then, still keeping her head in Bellatrix’s lap but not wanting to look at her right then. “If he loved me, he would have tried to find a way to make things work between us. Not… not _give up._ ”

Pursing her lips, Narcissa looked at her reflection in the glass cabinet on the far side of the room. “I know I fucked up,” she told her softly, painfully. “I know this is my fault for always lying to him, but he gave up too quickly, too _easily._ He should have fought for us. We could have gotten through this, but he just… he tossed me aside. That’s worse than anything that I could have _ever_ done to him.”

Bellatrix was silent, which probably meant that she disagreed with that statement. It didn’t matter though, Narcissa knew that she was right. Lying was temporary, but this… this was permanent. And yes, perhaps Lucius had said that this might not be forever, but the more and more they argued, Narcissa feared that this really was the end, and _that…_ that made it something she could not forgive. 

“If you think it’s really over, then why are we still hiding our relationship?” Bellatrix asked, which caused Narcissa to sharply turn back over so she could look her sister in the eyes. Her expression indicated that she believed Bellatrix’s suggestion was utter madness, and yet it seemed her sister wasn’t kidding.

“I’m serious,” she told her, which was the most ludicrous part of it all. Narcissa was beginning to wonder if she had been hit in the head recently. “I mean, he’s obviously not going to divorce you. If he did, he’d have to say _why_ and that would, one, be difficult once we force him under another Unbreakable Vow like Rodolphus or, two, be something he wouldn’t want to talk about _anyway_ because then he would have admit out loud that he was fucking an incestuous whore for the last seven or eight years. However long it’s been, I don’t know. Regardless, I don’t think he could handle a stain like that on his reputation.”

“Bella, I…” Narcissa began, suddenly feeling completely overwhelmed as she sat up, pushing her long hair out of her eyes. She exhaled a long breath then and she turned to face her, apology in her eyes as she softly told her, “I… can’t. If Lucius knew we’ve been together all this time, for longer than I had been with _him_ it would… it would destroy him. I can’t do that. I might be angry with him, but I can’t watch him shatter like that. I just can’t.”

“Then just fucking tell him that you jumped on my dick after he left you, he doesn’t need know how bloody long it’s been,” Bellatrix rationalized, now sounding like she was _pushing_ for this, like there was a part of her that was desperate to have their relationship validated for once.

“Look, I understand why you might think… why you might _hope_ that I was willing to do something like this,” Narcissa began, careful to keep her tone gentle so as to not upset her. “I know I’m treading a thin line right now, but I’m just trying to upset him, to mess with his head a little, not… not completely _break_ everything that we once had. There’d be no coming back from that.”

“So?” Bellatrix responded, now getting angry and defensive at being shot down. “You already think it’s over, so why the fuck do you care if it destroys the last of your relationship with him?”

“Because I don’t _want_ it to be over!” Narcissa cried, desperate for her to understand. She knew her answer was going to hurt her sister, but she needed to be honest. “Don’t you see that? I might be angry with him, but I still want him back. I still want to have a life, a _family_ with him. I’m sorry, Bella, but… but the answer is no.”

“Fine, whatever,” Bellatrix snapped, now visibly upset as she rose from the couch, practically pushing Narcissa off of her. “Play your little head games with him then, but just keep me out of it. I’m not going to just be used as some kind of sodding _prop_ in your little heterosexual drama, Cissy. That’s not the bloody reason that I’m with you.”

“Bella, please don't be like this,” Narcissa begged softly, trying to reach for her sister. Bellatrix pulled away from her though, exhaling a loud scoff at what she considered to be empty platitudes. “It doesn't change how I feel about you, but you know I'm in a difficult situation right now.”

“You're not in any bloody situation anymore because he fucking left you,” Bellatrix responded sharply, the brutal reality of that piercing Narcissa's chest. “But whatever, keep hoping you'll get that white picket fence life with twelve kids when he won't even touch you. Doesn't fucking bother me any.”

Except it did. Clearly.

“Bella…” Narcissa breathed, growing visibly upset at how cruel that was. She hadn't even thought about the children situation yet, and while she wasn't ready now, she knew one day she would be and then what? How was she going to have a family when her husband didn't even want to be in the same room as her, let alone share the same bed? “I can't believe you just— that was _awful…_ ”

“Whatever,” Bellatrix dismissed uncaringly, not in any kind of mood to apologize for what she said yet. “I have to go, Rodolphus and I have to meet the Dark Lord in an hour.”

Narcissa doubted that as they originally were planning to spend the morning together, but she didn't argue. At this point, she was so upset she didn't want Bellatrix around her anyway. She understood her sister was upset, but she didn't have to be that cruel. That was beyond awful, and it left Narcissa feeling rather helpless and alone as she watched her sister storm out of her manor with a broken heart.

Because that was what she had done, and Narcissa knew that. She knew how desperately Bellatrix wanted their relationship to be open and validated, but it would have destroyed Lucius. It would have destroyed _her._ She loved Bellatrix, she did, but she was ashamed of herself, of them _both_ , because of the kind of relationship they had. It was abnormal, it was sinful. Even though she loved being with Bellatrix, even if she couldn’t ever imagine a life without her, at the end of the day, she still was not okay with what they were doing. Or, at least, anyone else finding out what they were doing. Rodolphus was bad enough, and she didn’t even like the man. _Lucius_ knowing would be… unthinkable. It just could not happen, no matter how much she pushed or tip toed around the line.

Perhaps just being reckless was ingrained into her personality though, because Narcissa found she couldn’t help herself. It was stupid, it was dangerous, and probably inevitable that one day Lucius would really find out, but… but today was not that day. She would not allow it to be.

Not that it mattered anyway though, as Bellatrix was through being used as a way to irritate Lucius. She didn’t even speak to Narcissa for a whole three weeks after that, which at first was utterly unbearable because Lucius wasn’t speaking to her either. Narcissa hadn’t realized how much her world revolved around the two of them until they were gone, and suddenly she felt very much alone. Feeling abandoned was a huge trigger for her though, and so in order to not spiral out of control and do something desperate in order to get them back, Narcissa sought out Cassandra as a replacement and spent nearly every day with her. They went shopping, they went out to dinner, they went to wine tastings and social gatherings and honestly, it kind of made Narcissa feel like a person again.

It had been so long since she had been _properly_ in the social scene that she had almost forgotten how much she loved it.

A few days before Bellatrix finally broke her silent treatment however, Narcissa had gone over Cassandra’s house for a quick visit. Nothing fancy, just wine and chit chat. Captain Forehead wasn’t around due to him being called away by the Dark Lord, which of course made Narcissa wonder if Lucius and Bellatrix had been as well, but she didn’t want to dwell on it. Thinking about either of them just hurt at that point.

“You ever gonna tell me what’s wrong, Cissa?”

The question felt like it came out of nowhere, and Narcissa nearly choked on her wine in response. Cassandra just quirked an eyebrow at her though, awaiting her answer as she took another sip from her own glass. “I’m… I’m sorry?” Narcissa stumbled, playing dumb because it was the only thing she could think to do at the time. She might have had one too many at this point though, because her brain certainly wasn’t having the reaction time it needed in order to side-step this conversation.

“Y’know, the whole thing of why ya don’t wanna be ‘ome anymore.”

“What?” Narcissa asked, the question coming out awfully high pitched as she tried to feign confusion. She forced a laugh, but knew straight off that was the problem – that it sounded forced. Still, she tried to pretend like she wasn’t a terrible liar when she was drunk and continued, “What are you on about? Of course I want to be home. I love my home.”

 _‘I love my home?’_ Honestly…

“Then why’re ya ‘ere?” Cassandra countered, to which Narcissa scoffed in this awfully dramatic manner. Honestly, she was internally cringing at herself at this point, but she couldn’t stop.

“Because I wanted to spend time with my friend?” she answered, like Cassandra was foolish to believe anything else even though the truth was probably blaringly obvious. “Is that a crime now?”

Cassandra just continued to stare at her as though she knew better. “You’re a shit liar when you’re completely twatted, y’know. Like, real bad.”

“I am _not_ twatted,” Narcissa defended, even though that was proving to be more and more untrue the longer this conversation went on. She was pretty sure she drank at least a bottle and a half to herself, and Cassandra… well, let’s just say if it was a competition, Narcissa would have a very large head start. “I’m—”

“Lathered?” Cassandra helpfully responded, smirking a little. “Smashed? Nissed as a pewt?”

“— _Tipsy,_ ” Narcissa corrected, before scrunching up her nose in confusion and asking, “What the hell is a pewt?”

Cassandra shrugged. “I dunno. My mum says it.” She got serious then though, nodding her head a little in her friend’s direction as she said, “But seriously. Know things are shit when ya wanna ‘ang out every day; we see each other like once a month usually, Cissa. I’m not stupid. Lucius bein’ a twat or something? That why ya don’t wanna be ‘round him?”

“I…” Narcissa tried, but that was about as far as she got before she closed her mouth and pursed her lips into a thin line. Looking away from Cassandra, Narcissa closed her eyes for a moment and encouraged herself not to feel anything which, when utterly inebriated, was extremely difficult. She didn’t want to cry about this anymore though and, in all honesty, she didn’t want to admit that it had happened either. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she finally whispered, hoping she didn’t have a pained expression on her face but knowing that she probably couldn’t help it either. “Please. Please just leave it.”

“Cissa, what’s the point of havin’ friends if ya can’t talk ‘bout shit?” Cassandra rationalized, concern starting to show in her expression as her brow creased and the bottoms of her lips turned down into a small frown. “Plus, when you’re all mental an’ shit, bottlin’ crap ups just gonna make it worse, I reckon.”

Narcissa shot her a furious glare at that. “Did you just say I was _mental?_ ” she sounded grievously offended, which was probably ridiculous considering she was. Still, there were nicer ways to word that. 

Cassandra though, true to her nature, was completely unperturbed. “Well ya are,” she responded, like Narcissa getting angry about it was ridiculous. “Takin’ pills an’ shit now, aren’t ya? Only mental people do that, Cissa. Not a bad thing, but it’s still a thing, so I was just sayin’.”

“Well for future bloody notice,” Narcissa practically snapped back after she had taken another large gulp of wine. She seriously wasn’t drunk enough for this right now, and that was probably saying something. “I’d appreciate it if you just said I had a mental illness, not imply that I was raving fucking mad.”

“Fine, but not the point, yeah?” Cassandra replied, sounding a little exasperated with her. “S’bad for ya, all I’m sayin’, so maybe try talkin’ to me for once. Not gonna tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Narcissa was starting to get irritated though, and instead of refilling her wine glass she just figured ‘screw it’ and took a swig directly from the bottle. Cassandra’s brow rose at that, but she didn’t comment. “I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“It your mental sister then?” Cassandra asked, completely ignoring Narcissa’s wish to drop it. Either she was drunk and stupid, or extremely pushy to the point where Narcissa may just end up decking her in the face.

The blonde’s expression darkened. “ _Cassie—_ ”

“Lucius don’t like ‘er, yeah? They get into it or somethin’ and you’re stuck in the middle?” Cassandra continued to inquire, until Narcissa finally got fed up and slammed her hand on the small table between them, just needing to hit something so she didn’t hit _her._

“Do you have a fucking hearing problem?!” Narcissa shouted at her, rising from her seat so abruptly that it almost toppled over. “I said I don’t want to talk about it, Cassie, and that’s the bloody end of it! So just… just _piss off._ ”

She stormed off then, but instead of just leaving and apparating home she went to the balcony. She needed some air, because Narcissa knew that there was no way she would make it home in one piece if she tried to apparate drunk; splinching would be inevitable. So she was stuck there for the moment, unless she wanted to use the fireplace, but Cassandra was in that room and right now she just needed to be away from her, so the balcony seemed as good a place as any to cool off.

She just… she _couldn’t_ talk about it. Talking about it made it real, made it something final and not some bump in the road that Lucius and she could work through without anyone ever knowing that anything was wrong. It had been nearly two months now though, and things weren’t looking any better. If anything, they were just drifting further and further apart. Lucius barely spoke to her anymore, although Narcissa knew that was mostly her fault for parading Bellatrix around in front of him like that. Still, her sister hadn’t been around for weeks and he still… he still would barely _look_ at her and God, it ached so terribly because even Bellatrix and Rodolphus, who hated one another, had more civil interactions than her and Lucius did now. 

So no, she didn’t want to be home anymore. If she avoided Lucius completely, then it felt more like she was abandoning him instead of the other way around. It made it more bearable, but Narcissa knew it couldn’t last forever. She couldn’t go out every single day, couldn’t avoid her own home on a regular basis because it was… it was her _home._ Narcissa used to feel so comfortable there, and it broke her fucking heart that now she felt so— she felt so out of place, so disconnected, and it was beginning to terrify her because if she didn’t belong there, then where did she belong?

What was she, really, if she wasn’t Mrs. Malfoy? It was all she had ever aspired to be when she was younger and without that, she felt like she had nothing.

That she _was_ nothing.

Narcissa couldn’t help herself as suddenly she burst into tears, the reaction so sudden and so unexpected that she even shocked herself, and her hand went to her mouth in order to muffle it. But she was drunk, and her emotional control was shot to hell, and once she started, she couldn’t stop. She just kept spiraling, sinking deeper and deeper into despair as she continued to think about what had happened, what her life had become, and it was so overwhelming that her knees nearly buckled from underneath her.

But then suddenly there were two arms around her midsection, and Narcissa couldn’t find enough effort to do anything other than sink into Cassandra as the other woman gently brought her down to the ground as she cried, knowing that Narcissa was having trouble staying upright as she completely broke down. “S’okay,” Cassandra breathed, cradling Narcissa’s head to her chest as she smoothed out her hair. “Whatever it is, s’gonna be alright, yeah?”

Narcissa shook her head though, practically hiccupping through her tears as she clung to her friend. “He left me,” she finally admitted, her words coming out broken and hoarse. “He left me, Cass… he fucking left me…!” And then all there was after that was tears; loud sobs that completely wracked Narcissa’s body as she cried in her friend’s arms, feeling as though someone had just ripped her heart directly from her chest.

It was real now.

“ _What?_ ” Cassandra asked, sounding absolutely horrified on her behalf. “That bloody plonker; what the bleedin’ hell for?? You gonna divorce now cause that’s—that’s _shit_ , Cissa, we don’t fuckin’ do that, ‘e should know we don’t fuckin’ do that, yeah? Purebloods don’t _do_ that!”

“He… he’s not…” Narcissa tried, but she was still crying too hard to get out a proper sentence. She desperately tried to calm herself down though, and after closing her eyes and trying to breathe through her nose as she covered her mouth to try to stop the loud sobbing, she finally did get herself under control well enough to speak.

“He’s not… divorcing me, Cass,” she whispered as her friend reached up to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “But he—he made it clear that our marriage is just a formality now. I don’t… God, I don’t know what I’m going to _do…_ ” She started crying softly again, and Cassandra brought her in for another hug, encouraging her to stay in her arms as long as she needed the comfort.

“’e say why?” Cassandra asked, her tone gentle so as to not make it sound like she implying anything about this was Narcissa’s fault. But it was. It entirely _was._

“Cause I’m a liar.”

“An’ are ya?” Cassandra asked point blank, but thankfully she didn’t sound judgmental; merely curious. Narcissa’s face crumpled at that, and another tear slipped down her cheek as she nodded.

“Yeah,” she whispered sadly. “Yeah, I am.”

“So then just stop lyin’ to ‘im,” Cassandra responded, like it was a simple problem with a simple answer. She reached out, smoothing Narcissa’s hair down in a caring gesture before tucking it behind one of her ears. Narcissa looked down at the ground after that, unable to hold eye contact with the other woman anymore. She felt ashamed of herself. “Just sayin’, if ya want ‘im back ya gotta start bein’ honest.”

“I can’t,” Narcissa admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. She still wouldn’t look at her, but it didn’t matter cause everything seemed like it was swimming now. Her head felt so heavy. “There are… _things_ in my life he can’t know about it. That can never change. If he ever learned about them, then he wouldn’t—there wouldn’t even be a chance to fix it. He’d hate me. So I have to… I have to lie. I _have_ to.”

“Things like what?” Cassandra pried, but Narcissa pulled herself out of her drunken stupor long enough to realize that she was starting to say too much.

“Nothing, just… private things. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I just… I don’t know what to do,” Narcissa whispered, distress etching in her expression as she pinched the bridge of her nose and winced. “There’s nothing I can do. There’s no way I can make this better.”

“So then don’t,” Cassandra said simply, which of course nearly caused Narcissa whiplash from looking up at her so quickly. She didn’t have a chance to ask her to clarify though, cause Cassandra continued, “Look, all I’m sayin’ is, whatever this ‘secret’ of yours is, seems to me it’s more important than your marriage if ya don’t even wanna consider bein’ honest with ‘im, so why’re ya letting it bother you?”

“Because I _love_ him,” Narcissa explained, passion and heartache in her tone. “Cass, he’s—he’s everything I had ever bloody wanted in a man, in a husband, and I know I’m… God, I know I’m _shit_ and that I don’t deserve him, but I need him. I fucking _need_ him, and he used to be able to see that. He used to be able to care about that, but now he just…”

“Cares about ‘imself for once?” Cassandra supplied, to which Narcissa glowered and looked away, wiping the last of her tears off of her cheeks.

“Sometimes I honestly hate how bloody _blatant_ you are with things. This isn’t helping. Also, you seemed to have entirely missed the part where I said telling him my secrets would make things _worse._ ”

“Is it the gay thing?” Cassandra asked, before quickly correcting herself with, “Sorry, bi. Cause ya love ‘im an’ all too, so you’re both.”

“No, it’s…” Narcissa began, before sighing heavily and running her hands over her face in an exhausted gesture. It was that, sort of, but then again not really. _Bellatrix_ was the problem, not that she was into women. “It’s not that. But I can’t tell him that either.”

“’e’s probably not as homophobic as you think ‘e is,” Cassandra replied, shooting her a look like maybe she was over exaggerating. And she was, but still. “An’ maybe if you’re honest about some of your other secrets, ya won’t have to tell the big one. Just show you aren’t hidin’ shit anymore, y’know?”

Narcissa just exhaled a long breath though, feeling something inside of her deflate as she breathed, “I still… I can’t do that, Cassandra. I wish I could, but it’ll make things worse.”

“How?”

“Cause then he’ll think I’m fucking my sister,” Narcissa responded before she could think about it, the drunkenness overriding her mouth filter in a pretty catastrophic way. Narcissa’s eyes went wide after that though, her hand going over her mouth as she swore, “Fuck. _Fuck._ Please don’t say anything to anyone, Cass, _please._ ”

God, this was bad. Narcissa began talking very quickly then, trying to explain her way around how terrible that sounded and what it implied. “It’s just… you know how Bellatrix is with me, and he—we fight about it all the time, and he keeps thinking horrible things about us because, I don’t know, he’s insecure or something but we’re _not_ sleeping together, obviously, because that’s _so—_ God, I don’t even want to think about it… but if he finds out I’m attracted to women he might think it’s more of a possibility and I just—I can _not_ have that, Cass, not now. Not bloody fucking ever.”

Cassandra was giving her a very strange look that Narcissa knew instantly that she did not like. “Your secret ain't that you _actually_ fuck ‘er, yeah?” It wasn't really said judgmentally, but more with a morbid curiosity.

“ _No!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed forcefully, at least able to look properly horrified despite her drunken idiocy. “Oh my God, Cassie, how can you actually _ask_ me that?!” 

“Cause I told ya once that I'm pretty sure if ya told ‘er to go down on you or somethin’ she'd drop to ‘er knees in a bloody second,” Cassandra responded, not watering it down in the slightest. That was generally her personality though and while sometimes Narcissa found it refreshing, right now it was giving her an internal panic attack. “Just sayin’, I see where Lucius is comin’ from. Not that I think you'd be that touched in the head, but she sure is. She's bloody obsessed with you, Cissa. Like possessive an’ shit.”

“She's just… she's just _intense,_ ” Narcissa tried to explain, even though that was a shitty excuse. “I don't know, I just feel like Lucius is jealous of her, which is… it's ridiculous, because my love for her is in no way the same as how I love him, but he's still just constantly comparing himself to her. He doesn't have siblings though, so maybe he just doesn't understand how I can be so close to her, despite her… strange attachment to me.”

“So you know it's fucked up then,” Cassandra gathered, and Narcissa just sighed heavily, feeling a little defeated. Was Bellatrix's affection for her that obvious?

“Of course I—” Narcissa began before exhaling another long breath. “I have it under control,” she said instead. Lucius already knew Bellatrix was in love with her, so she wasn't saying anything damning should Cassandra turn around and tell Lucius anything. Not that Narcissa ever thought she would, but still. “She doesn't make me uncomfortable or anything though, she's respectful of how I feel, so what Lucius is afraid of, it's… it’ll never happen, because if I was willing to _let_ something happen, it would have a long time ago. I don't see how he doesn't understand that.”

“Fair point,” Cassandra responded with an understanding look, which at least finally made Narcissa feel a little bit better. The one thing she did like about her friend was that she was very rational, and didn’t see to question much once something made sense to her. And considering she grew up with Bellatrix, it would have been logical that should she have wanted to explore that kind of relationship with her, she would have done it a long time ago.

Which she _had,_ but still. Cassandra didn’t need to know that. Nobody needed to know that.

Still, she didn’t want Cassandra thinking her ‘secret’ had anything to do with something like that, so she told her instead, “Look, I don’t… want to get into it, because I still cannot bear to tell anyone the extent of it, but my life has been… _far_ from perfect.” Narcissa paused then, pursing her lips for a moment before looking down. “My childhood, especially. And there are… _things,_ that happened to me back then that still affect my life today, alright? That’s… that’s what I’m hiding from him.”

And in a sense, it _was_ true. The horrors in her childhood were definitely a factor in why she turned to Bellatrix for comfort, and why the lines blurred so deeply between the two of them. And thankfully, Cassandra seemed to respect her privacy on the matter, and nodded.

“Know it’s not my business, Cissa,” she responded, reaching over to supportively grasp her friends hand in her own. Now she probably thought she was doing drugs or something to deal with the effects of her childhood, but honestly, Narcissa would take that over incest accusations any day. “But if ya ever wanna tell me, I’m ‘ere, yeah? An’… I know this probably isn’t what you wanna ‘ear, cause you got it in your mind ‘ow Lucius is, but ‘e loves ya, an’ I think if ya gave ‘im a chance and trusted him, ‘e’d surprise you.”

Narcissa shot her friend a small smile, gently squeezing Cassandra’s hands in her own in thanks. “I wish that were true, but I… I can’t risk it. Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough, but not today. Not now.”

The two women were silent for a long moment after that. Narcissa was looking down at their linked hands, her thumb absentmindedly tracing circles against Cassandra’s skin as she allowed herself to get lost in thought. She was still fairly drunk, and now that she had expelled so much emotion she felt a little exhausted. Perhaps this wasn’t a healthy way to deal with her issues, to be fair, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time. She was wrong though, but Narcissa was at least thankful that her mouth didn’t get her into anything that she couldn’t talk her way out of it. It was close though, and Narcissa was now reconsidering her stance on sobriety.

“Well, on the bright side,” Cassandra finally said, briefly tugging on their clasped hands for a moment to get Narcissa to look up at her. “Till ya fix things, ya kinda got free reign to, y’know, try somethin’ different.”

Narcissa’s brow furrowed, not understanding what she was talking about. “What do you mean?”

“Y’know... the girl thing,” Cassandra responded as though it were obvious, causing Narcissa’s brows to practically get lost in her hairline as she pulled her hand away from her friend, reading the situation entirely wrong.

“Oh my God, Cass, if this is your way of hitting on me right now, I think my head just might explode.”

Not because she didn’t think Cassandra was a good looking woman or that she wouldn’t be curious because of course maybe once or twice she did have small inklings, but it was not something she ever really considered because of Bellatrix. Besides, with how she was feeling, she just… could _not_ handle something like that right now. Flattering or not, it would turn her entire world upside down, and the whole thing was already such a shit show to begin with.

Thankfully though, Cassandra just laughed at that. “Not what I was goin’ for, Cissa, relax.” She did, and Cassandra smirked, still a little amused with the reaction she got. “Just sayin’ that now’s the perfect time, yeah? Cause you’ve been with Lucius for so long, an’ school was… well, y’know. Figured you never really got to try, so why don’t ya go for it?”

Narcissa’s nose crinkled up a little at that though, unsure how exactly Cassandra believed she could achieve something like that when no one exactly advertises their sexual preference due to the taboo of it all. Well, _most_ people didn’t anyway. Respectable people. But maybe that wasn’t what Cassandra was talking about. “What, you mean like purchase a prostitute?” 

Cassandra burst out laughing again. “What’re you, a man?” But Narcissa just looked at her with this complexly perplexed expression, as her sister had purchased prostitutes before, so she didn’t think it was that uncommon for women to do. But then again, Bellatrix _was,_ a little… different. Regardless, she had never had a need for something like that before. 

“Nah, I mean, we’ve been goin’ out more, yeah? You could find someone to try it with, I reckon. You’re bloody beautiful, so.”

Narcissa looked at her like she had three heads .“Cass, that’s… that’s _dangerous._ I can’t just hit on some random women; what if they aren’t interested and tell everyone what I did? That’d be the end of me!”

Cassandra just rolled her eyes though. “Come on, ya know as well as I do that most women get a few in ‘em an’ suddenly things look a little different.” _That_ caused Narcissa’s eyes to widen, because that was news to her. She’d always been this way though, so maybe she didn’t have any basis of comparison. Plus, the only other woman she was around was Bellatrix, and _she_ was gay so again, she was never aware of how straight women worked, honestly. “We’re not as weird about it as men are, an’ people like to use liquor as an excuse to explain away shit anyway. So I say take advantage of it.”

Narcissa just shot her a disbelieving look though, still finding that a little hard to swallow. “Oh come on, you’re saying that a few drinks can turn _any_ woman temporarily bisexual?”

“Not all, but most,” Cassandra responded, apparently very sure of this because she didn’t even hesitate when giving her answer. 

“Well _you’ve_ been drinking,” Narcissa mentioned, trying to prove how backwards her friend’s point was. “Yet it’s not like you suddenly want to make out with me now, so I really don’t see how it’s going to be different with any other woman I find myself drinking with.”

Cassandra peered at her for a second, tilting her head a bit. “You ever kiss a girl, Cissa?” she asked suddenly, as though that wasn’t a complete deviation from what they were just talking about.

“What?”

“Just wondering,” Cassandra responded, shrugging lightly a little before leaning back on her hands and staring at her, apparently expecting a proper answer. Narcissa flushed a little before she could even think to try to control her weird embarrassment at her own sexuality and looked down at the floor.

And she didn’t know why, but the answer that came from her lip was a soft, “…No.” And honestly although Narcissa hadn’t any forethought of why she had said that, she realized right after that she was glad she did, because if she had said yes, then Cassandra might have wanted to know who she had kissed, and that wasn’t something she had an answer for.

“You wanna?”

Narcissa looked up at her sharply, shock coloring her expression at how that sounded. “Why, are you _offering?_ ” she asked, her tone indicating that she already thought that it would be ridiculous if Cassandra truly was, and yet her friend just stared straight at her and shocked the hell out of her.

“Yeah.”

Narcissa didn’t even know what to say to that for a full five seconds. She just stared at her, unable to really process actual thought. What was Cassandra playing at? Five minutes ago she denied she was hitting on her, and now she wanted to _kiss_ her? What kind of backwards arse logic was that?

It seemed Cassandra was getting impatient with her friend’s lack of actual speech though, so she told her, “Christ. Stop lookin’ at me like I just said I wanted to stick my fingers in your cunt, will ya?” And, well, that was blunt enough to pull Narcissa out of her stupor. Cassandra seemed a little exasperated by her reaction though, and went on, “Not offerin’ sex, Cissa, just a kiss. Just figure that it’s kinda sad that ya like women an’ all an’ yet never even kissed one. S’just a friend thing, that’s all.”

“…Oh.”

Well, that was… nice. 

It was actually—actually very sweet of her, come to think of it. Because if Narcissa really hadn’t ever kissed a woman before, that offer could have very well been something she really needed in order for her sexuality to feel validated and real. But she _had_ kissed a woman before, and she had Bellatrix to think of, even though it wasn’t like she was speaking to her right now _either_ but…

“That’s… that’s nice of you, Cass,” Narcissa responded softly, not exactly knowing how to act right now. She was supposed to be inexperienced though apparently, so shy seemed to be the best bet. “But I… I don’t want to make you do anything that’s going to make you uncomfortable. I’m fine, okay? I’ll be fine. Besides, it’s getting late and I should probably—”

But just as she had finally picked herself up off of the ground, Cassandra quickly followed suit and snatched her hand in her own. The gesture wasn’t rough in the slightest, but it did cause Narcissa to practically spring back into her and nearly trip over her own two feet in the process. Cassandra smirked as suddenly Narcissa’s entire face went red, irrationally self-conscious about nearly falling. That was probably the liquor in her though, or at least so she hoped.

“Ya don’t gotta be embarrassed, Cissa, s’just me,” Cassandra told her, keeping a gentle hold on her friend’s hand. “Know ya wanna try it, so why’re you runnin’?”

“I’m not—I wasn’t…” Narcissa stumbled, now _actually_ flustered instead of just pretending to be. She wasn’t entirely sure what was happening here, but she was certain that it could get her in a _whole_ lot of trouble if she let it continue. “I just… I should get home, that’s all. Besides, you don’t even like… I just think it’d be wrong if I let you kiss me when you’re not even into it. I really do appreciate the offer, Cass, but I don’t think something like that will ever be in the cards for me.”

“See, that’s just fucked up,” Cassandra told her bluntly, not accepting that as something Narcissa should ever have to go through. “Ya deserve to experience that, Cissa, even if it’s not with me. It’s a part of who you are.”

That made Narcissa feel a little ashamed of herself, although she wasn’t sure why. “…I know,” she responded, still purposefully avoiding eye contact. Cassandra still hadn’t let go of her hand though, and after the woman exhaled a little sigh, suddenly she was using that hand to encourage Narcissa to take two steps over towards the wall of the house. Narcissa’s back connected with the surface before she even really realized what had happened, and suddenly she was very much trapped between it and Cassandra.

Which, she found, was not the worst thing in the world. 

But that was the problem.

“Stop bein’ scared, Cissa,” Cassandra breathed, her brow creasing a little as she looked at her friend in what could only be considered concern. And maybe that was the worst part of all of this, because Cassandra genuinely seemed to think that Narcissa was hiding this part of her away out of shame, or out of fear, and she probably did not find that to be healthy or even sane. And maybe it wouldn’t be, if she was really hiding it, but she _wasn’t_ , and so Narcissa’s rampant bisexuality was very much on full alert now as her drunken mind could only consider two very important things: one, that Cassandra was bloody fucking beautiful and would probably taste just as good and two, that her thinking that would probably lead to the other woman’s death, as Bellatrix would _kill_ her if she ever found out.

And yet Cassandra was touching her face now, gently tucking a piece of hair behind Narcissa’s ear as she suddenly got a little closer, and the fact that the woman bloody _cared_ this much to give her this kind of experience was making her… God, all sorts of confused. While on one hand it seemed to be entirely about her and her suppressed sexuality, on the other, Narcissa couldn’t help but wonder if the other woman would really be pushing this hard if she didn’t want to kiss her as well. Narcissa remembered that Cassandra had once said that she didn’t know what she was – that she didn’t think she could ever really know unless she experienced it, and now with her saying that most women got a little bisexual when they were drunk, Narcissa had to wonder.

Narcissa searched her friend’s eyes for a moment before suddenly she was instinctively glancing at her lips, down to her chest, and fuck— “You’re gonna get me into so much trouble…” Narcissa breathed in warning, moving a little closer so that their foreheads were almost touching. She could feel Cassandra’s breath on her lips, and it was a little more erratic than she had been expecting. Despite Cassandra’s ‘gung ho’ attitude like she was all about new experiences and helping Narcissa explore that part of her sexuality, she actually seemed like she was a little nervous.

Which did not, in any way, bode well for either of them.

“With who?” Cassandra whispered, gently bumping her nose against the blonde’s. It caused Narcissa’s eyes to fall closed a little, her heart beating frantically in her chest. This was such a bad idea, and yet she knew she was probably going to do it anyway, because that was what she did: make stupid, reckless decisions. “Lucius an’ you separated… till it’s fixed, you’re free to do what ya want.”

And, well, that was valid.

To a point.

“There’s nothin’ to be ashamed of, Cissa,” Cassandra told her softly, gently cupping her friend’s cheek in her hand and God, they were so close. They were so, so close. “I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“…It’s not,” Narcissa whispered, still unable to open her eyes. Cassandra’s breath on her lips was driving her bloody mental, and it honestly was taking every shred of self-control that she had not to just take her. She was practically asking for it, wasn’t she? God, what the fuck was _happening_ with her life? Suddenly this made zero sense, and yet Narcissa felt herself drowning in it anyway.

She seriously needed to stop drinking.

“Then what’re ya scared of?”

“That I’ll like it,” Narcissa answered softly, honestly, as she finally opened her eyes to look at the other woman. Cassandra shot her an amused little smirk at that, her thumb dusking the corner of the blonde’s mouth, causing her lips to part instinctively in invitation as Narcissa exhaled a small breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding.

“Think ya already do.”

And, fuck, she was right.

So what would be the point then, of denying herself? Narcissa tried to rationalize her reckless and foolish behavior with things like ‘just one kiss’ or ‘it’s just one friend helping out the other’, but in the end her excuses were meaningless because deep down she knew that she had always been rash, always been impulsive, and honestly, she was only bloody human. Cassandra was sodding _beautiful_ and at this point, with the position they were in, it would have been madness to turn her down.

So she didn’t.

Narcissa’s lips covered hers without another moment’s hesitation, kissing Cassandra with more purpose than someone who was ‘inexperienced’ probably should. Still, it wasn’t as though kissing men and women were really all that different, so Narcissa hoped Cassandra took her boldness as her just being used to being sexually aggressive with Lucius. She grasped onto her friend’s face, encouraging Cassandra to part her lips so she could slip her tongue against hers and, _God…_

That’s when _Cassandra_ started to get confident in what they were doing, and she gently bit down on Narcissa’s bottom lip momentarily before tugging on it, allowing it to snap back into place before sliding her tongue in her mouth again. Narcissa groaned at the aggressiveness behind it, her fingers fisting in her friend’s robes as she pulled her close enough to feel the swell of the other woman’s breasts against her own.

Narcissa’s lips fell to the other woman’s chin, her cheek, her jaw, before capturing her in another fierce kiss, feeling Cassandra’s fingers begin to tangle in her hair as she pressed herself against her. Cassandra nipped at her again and Narcissa audibly whimpered, her breathing coming out rather uneven as she felt one of Cassandra’s hands begin to get a little more acquainted with the curves of her body. The blonde’s skin was beginning to flush a light rose the more turned on that she got by this, and she knew if they didn’t stop soon that she was probably going to do something that she would end up regretting. 

That was when they broke though, both of their breathing labored and erratic as they at least both had the sense enough to take a moment’s pause. “You’re bisexual too, aren’t you?” Narcissa lightly accused as she threw her arms around her neck, her breathing still heavy as she held onto her friend. Because that wasn’t a kiss of ‘oh I’m just a friend helping you out’, that was a kiss that she obviously very much _enjoyed_ ; the purposeful aggressiveness was proof enough of that.

“Like for real? I dunno,” Cassandra responded, a small smirk tugging at the edge of her mouth as she blatantly stared at Narcissa’s lips. “I’ll let ya know when I’m not knackered.”

Narcissa couldn’t help but laugh a little at that, because apparently, at the very least, Cassandra’s theory about ‘straight’ women were true; give them enough drinks, and the lines began to blur. That chuckle turned into a loud moan though once Cassandra’s lips went to her neck, and suddenly Narcissa’s eyes were closing and her fingers were fisting in a mess of auburn hair. “Shit…” she breathed, feeling herself grow wet from the feeling. “ _Shit,_ Cass, stop—” she begged, the other woman’s tongue having come up to trace the shell of her ear. “Stop or I’m going to want to fuck you…!”

Thankfully, Cassandra did stop at those words, but she didn’t move very far away from her. “Sorry,” she breathed, the words tickling Narcissa’s cheek as her body was nestled against her side, her forehead gently resting against the blonde’s temple. “Think I just like… the way ya sound when I do that. Spent so much of my life in your shadow, always doin’ what you say… just nice to feel a little more in charge with you I guess. Kinda fun.”

She smirked then, but Narcissa couldn’t return the gesture because she suddenly realized how very _bad_ this entire situation could become. “Cassie, we… we can’t do this,” she told her regrettably, stepping away from the other woman. “You have a _husband,_ one you’re not actively separated from, and—”

“’Asked Peter a long time ago if I could kiss a girl if I could find one who’d let me,” Cassandra told her, like she couldn’t believe Narcissa didn’t think that she had gotten permission beforehand and, alight, that did make more sense considering Cassandra was – for _some_ ungodly reason – madly in love with that ape of a man, and would probably never knowingly cheat on him. “Like I said, never figured I’d know what I’d want till I tried it, so I wanted to keep my options open just in case. Never really thought it’d happen, but ‘ey.” She shrugged, apparently unperturbed by the radical change in their relationship. “Not complainin’.”

“Okay, but you don’t _understand,_ ” Narcissa told her, grasping onto the other woman’s hands in order to get her to listen to her. “That? That already made me want to fuck you, Cass, and that’s bloody _terrible_ for our friendship. Besides, you don’t even know if you’re just one of those people who are attracted to women when they’re drunk, or if this is the real thing. And if it… if it _is_ real, if you really are bisexual, do you even—we will fuck absolutely _everything_ up, do you understand me? Because I’m impulsive and aggressive and if you’re available to me I’m going to want that because I’m a fucking _masochist_ , and then the second we sleep together it’s either going to screw up your relationship with your husband, or he’s going to _condone_ it which then you’ll have to tell him who you’re fucking, he’ll tell _Lucius_ , and I just know somehow it will all get back to Bellatrix who will kill you, and _not_ in a metaphorical sense!”

Not to mention that _that_ would be considered cheating for Narcissa. If she fucked Cassandra, it would be such an incredible betrayal to Bellatrix, and she couldn’t bear doing that to her. Already she felt like shit for giving in and kissing her, and now all she could hope for was that Cassandra would understand why they couldn’t explore their sexuality with one another, and that she wouldn’t get hurt over it.

“Y’know, this is exactly why you’re goin’ mental,” Cassandra told her, not watering what she thought down in any sense of the word, which, of course, did not make Narcissa feel very good because she was probably right. Still, at least she didn’t sound hurt or offended; at most she just sounded a little exasperated by her. “You always worry this much?”

“ _Yes!_ ” Narcissa practically shouted as she erratically waved her arms, needing her to fucking pay attention and listen to her. “And if you value your life, you should worry too!”

Cassandra outright rolled her eyes at that, making Narcissa look at her like she was bloody mental for not legitimately fearing for her safety when Bellatrix was involved. “’Kay first of all,” she said before fisting her hand in Narcissa’s robes, pulling her towards her to land another kiss on her lips. Narcissa’s eyes went wide at that, but it was over before it even really started. “There’s nothin’ bloody wrong with this, with who you are, an’ if your sister’s makin’ you feel like shit for bein’ this way, that’s fucked up.”

“That’s… that’s _not—_ ”

“Even if it’s not, then it’s cause she doesn’t want ya doin’ anythin’ with anyone ‘less it’s her, and that’s even _more_ fucked up,” Cassandra told her, which… alright, was valid, considering what she thought she knew. But it wasn’t that, she just couldn’t _do_ that to Bellatrix, no matter how good it felt to explore her sexuality in a way that was a little less taboo than doing so with a blood relative. Surprisingly it made Narcissa actually feel a little more normal, but that still didn’t mean that she could do this.

She loved Bellatrix. She loved her with everything that she was.

“An’ second of all, we’re bloody tanked,” Cassandra rationalized, like that should have been obvious. “Everyone does stupid shit they regret when they’re cocked. An’ besides, it was only once, an’ no one’s gonna find out, yeah? So just breathe. She’s not gonna know. No one will. If ya want, we can pretend this never even ‘appened. Just thought it’d be nice to try, was all. For both of us, but for you especially. Denying who you are’s gonna drive you batshit, Cissa. Don’t do that to yourself.”

“I’m not… I’m not denying who I am,” Narcissa told her, her lips turning down into a small frown. “It’s just… complicated. Don’t you think I _wish_ I could tell Lucius the truth? I hate having to lie to him about that, I hate that he’s going to think that I’m doing… that I’m doing _disgusting_ things with my sister behind his back if he knew. He just doesn’t trust me, Cassie; that’s why I can’t tell him. And it fucking… it fucking _breaks my heart,_ but in the end it doesn’t even matter, because I know I’ve given him countless reasons to never trust me at my word. If I hate myself for anything, Cass, it’s that… not because I have some kind of internalized homophobia.”

Even though, on some level, she probably did.

“Look, all I’m sayin’ is that I think suppressing it is bad for you,” Cassandra told her with a little shrug, knowing that she probably wasn’t going to get through to her. Still, regardless of whether or not it worked, she was going to try to get Narcissa to come to a realization. “I think suppressing it ‘cause you’re scared of what your sister will do is even _worse._ You finally ‘ave a second to bucket list some shit before you fix things with Lucius, an’ yet you’re terrified. That ain’t right, Cissa.” 

“…I know,” Narcissa responded softly, her gaze averting to the ground. And it was terrible, because that really wasn’t it at all; she wasn’t suppressing her sexuality in the slightest, she was just suppressing the small urge to blatantly cheat on her sister. But Cassandra couldn’t know that, and so from her perspective, Narcissa was just this tiny repressed bisexual who was terrified of the outside world finding out that she wasn’t ‘normal’.

And because of that, she appreciated what Cassandra was trying to do. She did. So after Cassandra took her hand in hers once more and encouraged her to follow her inside with a, “Come on, let’s get some coffee in you, yeah? Need ya to be able to apparate ‘ome in one piece later,” Narcissa had stopped her just shy of getting to the balcony door.

“Cass?” she asked quietly, trying to get her attention. And when Cassandra turned around to face her, Narcissa gave her a small, grateful smile, needing the other woman to understand that she realized the depth of what she was trying to do for her. “…Thank you.”

Cassandra returned the smile in kind, gently squeezing the blonde’s hand in response. “What friends’re for, yeah?”

And Narcissa, who had never had a singular real friend outside of Cassandra, just smiled a little wider and responded, “Yeah.” Because maybe they were; maybe they were there to help you through all the confusing and terrible bullshit in your life when no one else could or would, and Narcissa was infinitely grateful for that.

Even if it didn’t really solve much, even if Narcissa’s life still felt like it was in shambles, Cassandra had _tried,_ and that honestly meant the world to her because at the moment, nobody else would.

Nobody else _cared._

“Yeah,” she repeated softly, looking at her friend like maybe there was more to her than she originally thought. “…That’s what friends are for.” 

**TBC…**


	29. XXIX. Winter, 1979 – Summer, 1979

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So originally this chapter was nearly 18k, but I realized that was utterly ridiculous so now it’s split into two chapters. Sorry to any of you who were looking forward to the ‘monster chapter’ I posted about on Tumblr, but that thing had to die, lol. It was pure insanity.

**CHAPTER TWENTY NINE  
Winter, 1979 – Summer, 1979**

“People are talking, Cissy.”

Narcissa turned around in surprise, her sister showing up in her home without even having the courtesy to ring the doorbell first. Bellatrix always did like dramatic entrances though, and so Narcissa ended up merely rolling her eyes at her before turning back to her task of making herself a plate of food for dinner. “That’s generally what they do when they have working vocal cords, but I’m sure that wasn’t your point.”

“No,” Bellatrix deadpanned, her expression unamused. “It wasn’t.”

That was when Lucius walked into the kitchen, momentarily halting in the threshold as he noticed that there were more people in the room than he had originally anticipated. “…Are you staying for dinner?” he asked, his tone indicating that he hoped she was not. 

Dinner was already going to be awkward enough due to the fact that he and Narcissa were going to eat together for once, but Narcissa was sick of having this tense relationship with the man she shared a home with and besides, it was a terrible waste to have Dobby cook dinner _twice_ , just because they didn’t enjoy being in the same room as one another anymore. She brought this up to Lucius earlier and he had agreed, most likely because he wasn’t fond of the arrangement they had anymore either. It was stressful, it was uncomfortable, and now that it had been a few months since they had officially separated, both of them had had time to seemingly come to terms with the arrangement.

It wasn’t ideal, and Narcissa at least was still hurt by it, but at the end of the day, she couldn’t continue with this kind of ugliness. So she stopped torturing him, called a truce, and tried to move on from bitterness and anger. Whether or not the truce was going to hold however remained to be seen, but for now, at least both of them were trying to not live in an uncomfortable environment anymore.

“No,” Bellatrix told him in a dismissive tone before grabbing a piece of turkey off of _Narcissa’s_ plate and popping it in her mouth. Honestly, did she enjoy being contradicting, or was she simply trying to be annoying?

“Hey!” Narcissa exclaimed, moving her plate away from her sister’s greedy fingers. “If you’re hungry then get your own; I’m not feeding you off of _my_ plate like a child.” Irritation crossed over her expression then as she side-stepped her sister, moving into the dining room. “Besides, I don’t even know why you’re here; I thought you were angry with me.”

“I’m always angry with you,” Bellatrix dismissed as though that had zero bearing on anything else. She followed her into the dining room then, leaving Lucius alone in the kitchen as she told her sister, “But at least I still look out for you. Now are you interested in hearing what those cunty socialites are saying about you or not?”

Narcissa side-eyed her, her tongue running over her teeth in momentary irritation as she sat down in one of the dining room chairs. “Last I checked, you weren’t _in_ the social scene, nor have you ever cared to be. How do you know what’s being said?”

“Because Alecto’s irritating arse is enjoying telling me _all_ about how my sister is apparently a huge dyke now,” Bellatrix responded sharply, causing Narcissa’s fork to still in the air on the way to her mouth. It clattered back down to the plate then, offense and confusion being written into the lines of her expression.

“Wait, _what?_ ”

“This is what bloody happens when you spend every single sodding day with someone, you absolute _idiot!_ ” Bellatrix snapped at her, completely exasperated by Narcissa’s life choices. That was when Lucius decided to enter the dining room though, his lips pursed as he awkwardly sat in the seat opposite of Narcissa. He no doubt heard everything from the other room, but both women ignored him anyway.

“Well what did you expect me to do?” Narcissa shot back, like Bellatrix was stupid for assuming that she’d wallow by herself in misery. “ _You_ weren’t speaking to me, _he_ wasn’t speaking to me,” she continued, furiously pointing at a pointedly silent Lucius. “I hate being _alone,_ Bella; why shouldn’t I spend time with my friend if everyone else around me apparently can’t stand to be in the same room with me anymore?!”

“Because now everyone bloody thinks you’re _sleeping_ with her!”

“Well I’m _not!_ ”

“I know you’re fucking not,” Bellatrix responded furiously, which… was a plus, at least. Bellatrix had always been jealous of Cassandra, and while now more than ever she would actually have a right to be, considering that they kissed, thankfully Bellatrix didn’t know that. Nor anyone else, for that matter. Everyone was just grasping at straws per usual, but it did give her some unrest that people were thinking something like that about her. “But you can’t keep going places without your goddamn husband; people are starting to think something happened between you two and considering your entire bloody life is built around your sodding image, you need to start upholding it even if it’s not true!”

“Why do you even care?” Narcissa countered, not understanding why Bellatrix was now screaming at her about her image when she had always been the one to tell her that concerning herself with that shit was ridiculous.

“Because I thought _you_ cared, obviously!” Bellatrix responded, beyond frustrated now. Her hands slammed down on the dining room table and Narcissa quirked her eyebrow at her before side-eyeing her husband, who was attempting to ignore this entire exchange and just eat his meal. “Excuse me for giving a fuck, I guess!”

“Bella,” Narcissa responded flatly, picking back up her fork with a small sigh. This entire exchange was so transparent her sister might as well be made of glass. “If you miss me, you don’t have to come over and scream at me so you have a reason to insert yourself into my life again.”

Bellatrix scoffed at that. “That’s not what I’m fucking—”

“Just go grab a plate of food and sit down to dinner with us please?” Narcissa interrupted, not in the mood to deal with her sisters bravado right now. Bellatrix was still glaring at her though, so Narcissa exhaled a long sigh and told her earnestly, “I missed you _too,_ okay? And I’m not dismissing anything you said to me either, and I do appreciate you telling me. Lucius and I will make more of an effort to be seen in public together, won’t we?” The question was directed at her husband then, who looked a little surprised at being directly spoken to.

Lucius finished chewing his food a little awkwardly before swallowing. “…Of course.”

Narcissa motioned towards her sister like, ‘see?’ and yet the frown lines in her sister’s expression just etched deeper. “What is this?” she asked, finally realizing the atmosphere outside of just her sister and herself. She motioned between husband and wife and told them point-black, “This is coming off as terribly awkward, in case neither of you were aware.”

“This is us attempting to co-exist peacefully,” Narcissa informed her, even though that was not her end-game at all. Baby steps though, and for Lucius and her to reconcile at some point, they would have to stop fighting. And maybe that also meant respecting the fact that he needed space for a little while, and Narcissa realized that maybe that was actually okay, because she was certain that at the end of the day Lucius would find that he missed her. She just had to give him not only some time, but reasons to. 

Her time with Cassandra did help her see that she wanted very badly to fix things between them, but that she also wasn’t in the biggest hurry to do so either due to the unprecedented freedom the separation gave her. She had time, and with time came more opportunities to play the ‘long game’, so to speak. And while none of Cassandra’s suggestions were viable solutions to fixing her marriage – because she couldn’t just _stop_ lying to him, unfortunately – when Narcissa had finally sobered up she realized that being bitter and angry towards him wasn’t helping matters. If she wanted to fix this, then she needed to make an effort, and the first step of that was pretending that she finally accepted what had happened between them.

Lull him into a false sense of security, if you will.

Which… alright, sounded rather manipulative on paper, but Narcissa knew her husband, and she knew Lucius would keep his walls up if he thought she was actively trying to sway his decision. He needed to think that he had won, that he had gotten what he wanted, and then she would subtly make him realize that he had been wrong, and she would get him back.

It was as simple as that.

“Now please go grab yourself a plate of food and sit down,” Narcissa told her sister for the second time this evening. “You hovering over both of us is making this _meal_ awkward.”

And even though it was obvious Bellatrix was miffed at her motivations being so blatantly called out by her sister, she did what Narcissa said, and that was how she got her sister back without having to lie and tell her that she hadn’t meant anything of what she said before, because she had. Perhaps Bellatrix just realized that it was better to have something than nothing though if she could not have it all, and that was why she came back. Either way, Narcissa was grateful for it, because she had missed her. _Terribly._

Still, it seemed Bellatrix had a sort of revenge plan in mind in order to make them ‘even’, so after the incredibly awkward dinner, Narcissa had gone into the wine cabinet to get something to drink in order to maybe make this evening a little more bearable. Though when she placed the bottle of merlot down on the counter in order to reach into the cabinet for a few glasses, suddenly a body was pressed against her back, a hand was fisted in her hair, and lips were on the back of her neck.

“—Jesus,” Narcissa breathed, half in surprise because she hadn’t heard Bellatrix even come into the kitchen, and half in pleasure because damn, her sister always knew right where to suckle to drive her absolutely mental, which was directly beneath her ear. An obvious shiver ran through the blonde’s body when Bellatrix traced the shell of her ear with her tongue, and for a moment Narcissa forgot where they were as she reached behind her, grasping onto her sister’s robes encouragingly. 

But then Bellatrix’s hand went up her dress.

That snapped Narcissa out of whatever haze she was in, but an attempt to move away from her was only met with Bellatrix pressing her further into the counter, effectively trapping her there. “What are you _doing?_ ” Narcissa hissed softly, not wanting Lucius to hear. He was still waiting in the dining room for the wine his wife was supposed to be getting, and yet apparently Bellatrix wanted to, what? _Screw_ with her first?

Or maybe just _screw_ her first. Regardless.

“Forgiving you,” Bellatrix breathed right against her ear, the deep tone doing things to Narcissa that she wasn’t proud of. She honestly couldn’t be this easy, because this was _madness._ Bellatrix’s hand went up her dress again and into her panties without any more resistance because honestly, for a moment Narcissa was certain her brain had stopped functioning anyway, and Bellatrix continued, “Don’t you want to be forgiven…?”

“Yes, but…” Narcissa tried, but Bellatrix already knew exactly what she was doing, and Narcissa was already wet because of it. It was almost cheating, honestly, to use the whole thing she had with her ear, and yet now two of her sister’s fingers were buried inside of her and Narcissa had to purse her lips into a tight line so as to not make any kind of sound in response. She could feel Bellatrix smirk against her neck.

“Better come quickly and quietly,” she taunted in a soft voice, careful not to be overheard. She started building up a continuous rhythm as Narcissa instinctively spread her legs a little further, inwardly hating herself for being such a reckless, wanton slut all the time. This was so dangerous, and yet she was allowing Bellatrix to do this to her, and for what? The thrill of it? Bellatrix’s fingers twisted inside of her then and Narcissa had to slap a hand over her mouth as her sister finished, “Otherwise Lucius might find out how _right_ he’s always been.”

God, why did she always have to be this way?

Narcissa closed her eyes tightly for a moment as she tried to mind-over-matter the feelings her sister was provoking in her, needing to get something out first. “This… isn’t about forgiveness,” she accused, her tone breathless and low as she tried desperately not to whimper or moan. “This is about revenge for… for hurting your feelings…”

“Same difference,” Bellatrix dismissed before she curled her fingers inside of her, rubbing against the blonde’s g-spot and causing Narcissa to slap two hands over her mouth in rapid succession in order to not make a sound. Her whole body felt like it was on fire, her skin flushing to a deep rose the closer that she got, and she was getting _close._ Bellatrix had sped up the pace of her fingers, no doubt wanting them to not get caught either despite how she was acting, and the look on Narcissa’s face was pure, unabashed pleasure as she allowed her sister to take her to the edge.

Or, at least, that’s what she thought was going to happen.

Bellatrix stopped just shy of Narcissa coming, withdrawing her fingers so quickly that Narcissa had a delayed reaction to the loss of them, and therefore completely ignored her mouth filter as she exclaimed furiously, “What the _hell—_ ” as she whipped around, facing her sister in furious accusation. It was one thing to torture her by forcing her to stay quiet, but another to deny her the goddamn orgasm on top of it!

“Is everything alright in there…?” Lucius asked, no doubt hearing Narcissa’s angry exclamation. He sounded confused as to why this was taking so long, and for good reason.

“She can’t find the bottle of wine she wanted and it’s apparently the end of the sodding world; give us a second,” Bellatrix told him before smirking at her sister, amused that she had successfully pissed her off. Narcissa was on the verge of screaming at her for at least an hour straight before Bellatrix moved though, now pinning her against the counter facing her as she placed one hand over Narcissa’s mouth and the other up her dress again.

“I’m not _that_ much of a cunt,” she breathed in amusement as she began rubbing tight circles against her sister’s clit. Narcissa’s knees almost buckled, but her hands shot out to hold onto the edges of the counter. Bellatrix’s smirk widened. “But that _was_ funny.”

Narcissa wanted to tell her to fuck off for that, but with her sister’s hand over her mouth and with how close she already was, all she could do was muffle a moan beneath the obstruction against her lips as she tensed beneath her sister’s ministrations, her entire body expelling her orgasm so suddenly that she practically fell against her. She could hear Bellatrix chuckle softly after that, still apparently amused with what she had done, and Narcissa half-heartedly smacked her on the shoulder for it. It was the most her exhausted body could do at the moment.

Bellatrix’s fingers went to her mouth then, her gaze connecting with Narcissa’s as she cleaned them off around a cocky little smirk. Narcissa rolled her eyes at her, pushed her hair out of her face and fixed her dress in order to make herself a little more presentable before muttering under her breath, “You’re such an arse.” Honestly; she understood that she hurt Bellatrix’s feelings, but doing stuff like that was dangerous.

“And yet _I didn’t hear you say no,_ ” Bellatrix breathed in her ear, pressing herself up against her sister’s form momentarily before she reached around to grab the bottle of merlot. She sauntered into the dining room then, Narcissa trailing along behind her before she told Lucius, “Please tell her the ’36 is just as good as the bloody ’23, because I’m tired of hearing her bitch about wine like she actually knows what she’s taking about.”

“If it’s older, it’s _better!_ ” Narcissa instantly defended, because that was how she thought anyway, and how Bellatrix worded that was slightly irritating because she knew it was based off of a conversation they had had once more.

“That’s _really_ not how it works, Cissy.”

“Yeah, well it’s a good sodding basis, _so._ ”

Lucius never did rush to her defense though, nor did he side with Bellatrix over the wine issue. He just said that, “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s fine,” before drinking most of the bottle himself. Narcissa couldn’t blame him though, the entire night _was_ very awkward; more so that Bellatrix had shown up. Narcissa was hoping she’d be a good buffer between them, but in the end she thought Lucius might have just felt ganged up on.

Eventually however, things between them became a little more natural. They began attending social gatherings together, which at least killed some of the rumors that she had been fucking Cassandra. It sucked though, as they did have to purposely stay clear of one another for a while in order to make something like that go away. Narcissa had written her the day after she had found out, and they both agreed to give it a few months. Cassandra believed it had terrified Narcissa, to be outed like that even though it was merely a rumor, and Narcissa let her think that because it was just easier. 

A few months had passed though and Cassandra’s birthday finally rolled around, which was the next time they had agreed to see one another. Cassandra didn’t have many friends, nor was it planning to be the social event of the season, so it was a good place to catch up and not have to worry about anyone really talking about them behind their backs. Bellatrix wasn’t invited of course, so it was just her and Lucius who showed up at the Goyle’s home one warm evening in mid-July.

After greeting Cassandra, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek, and handing her an expensive bottle of wine, they all went into the parlor to socialize with the other guests. The third member of Lucius’ little trio, General Tubby, was there with his wife of course, although Narcissa couldn’t for the life of her remember nor care what her name was. She looked a bit like a troll anyway, and so she didn’t even like looking at her for that long, let alone conversing with her. Severus had shown up as well with this woman he claimed he was dating and yet for some reason looked completely disinterested in, which was utter madness because the woman was very beautiful. Narcissa shot a confused look towards her husband at that, and Lucius just shrugged.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he paid for her,” he whispered in her ear, which made Narcissa’s eyes go wide. Not that paying for escorts to social gatherings didn’t _happen,_ she just never expected Severus to even care about such things. Then again, perhaps he was just trying to get away from that image of being a sad, greasy-haired little boy.

“I thought he was one of your closest friends,” Narcissa whispered back, not wanting to be overheard talking about someone behind their back as they both made their way over to the refreshment table. “How do you not know?” Lucius had his arm hooked and Narcissa had slipped hers easily inside of his, the two of them having been able to slip into a convincing act fairly well as of late. It still hurt of course, but it was bearable, and now they spent a little bit of time together and actually had civil conversations.

“Severus has always been… very _secretive_ about his romantic interests,” Lucius responded, causing Narcissa’s brow to furrow. “Crabbe and Goyle had written him off as a faggot—” Narcissa winced a little at her husband’s usage of that word, but did not comment. “But I think he may have just liked someone who was unavailable to him. Maybe he still hasn’t gotten over it. First loves are a hard thing to see past, I’ve found.”

Narcissa pursed her lips at that, silent for a moment as she untangled herself from her husband and reached for one of the flutes of champagne. “Is that where we are then?” she responded softly, careful to not be overheard. “You said this was temporary, yet now you seem resigned to forget what we once had.”

“Narcissa, you know we should not discuss this here,” Lucius softly warned, placing a gentle hand on his wife’s arm. She couldn’t help it though; this was the first time she had heard of how he felt about the place they were at now. She thought maybe they were working towards rebuilding something, but now it seemed he wished to distance himself even more from her. “But if you must know, I still don’t know what I want. I merely meant that it’s been difficult to look at this objectively due to how I feel about you, that’s all.”

Narcissa didn’t know if she should believe him, but she did not argue for the sake of keeping their reputation intact. She did, however, start drinking a little heavier after that, which she should have known wouldn’t lead to anywhere good, and yet she kept making the same mistakes anyway. Lucius had started conversing with the forehead and the fat one, and since both of their respective husbands were currently busy, Cassandra took Narcissa’s hand in her own and told her that she wanted to show her the new wine cellar they had just built.

“ _Wow,_ ” Narcissa breathed in awe once they descended the staircase. It was huge, with racks upon racks of all different sorts of wine. Narcissa untangled their hands and went ahead a little bit to explore, reading some of the labels as she went down one of the aisles. Turning back around to face her friend she asked, “Do you even know anything about wine?”

Cassandra just shrugged. “Peter likes ‘aving things that’re impressive; think that’s all this is. ‘Is father had a wine cellar that people just _fawned_ over, so ‘e probably thinks this’ll make him more popular with the fellows. Me? Don’t know a lick ‘bout wine other than it tastes good, an’ that’s enough for me.”

“So you don’t know if wine being older makes it better?” Narcissa asked, flashing back to her conversation with Bellatrix. She wanted to be right, but then again she always did about everything.

“Think it’s more to do with the ‘arvest or somethin’ that year, but I’d still say that’s a decent basis, yeah. I mean, I think aged is good an’ all.”

“ _Thank you,_ ” Narcissa responded, even though Cassandra clearly wasn’t very sure of her answer, and the fact that the first thing that she said still contradicted with the second. It didn’t matter though because Narcissa was feeling fairly drunk already, so all she heard was that she was right, and that was good enough for her.

She’d be sure to tell that to Bellatrix later, although perhaps twist the details a bit to make it seem like Cassandra actually knew what she was talking about. Bellatrix didn’t have to know that she didn’t, after all.

“’Ey,” Cassandra said, getting Narcissa’s attention as she once again took her hand in her own. “’Ow’s it been, with you and Lucius? You guys seem alright, yeah?” Her brow was creasing in both concern and curiosity, and Narcissa’s lips pursed into a thin line as she found she didn’t know exactly how to answer that.

“Things are… better,” she responded, as that was true at least. “But we’re still not… it’s not fixed, by any means. At most we’re merely putting on a show so that people don’t know that anything’s wrong. I have no idea where he stands anymore, honestly, and I don’t think he does either. We’re not fighting anymore at least, but that’s… the only good thing, I think. I don’t really know what’s going to happen anymore; I thought he’d miss me more by now…”

“I’m sure ‘e does,” Cassandra told her caringly, squeezing her friend’s hand in her own as she watched Narcissa’s gaze hit the floor. “Don’t worry ‘bout it, yeah?” she encouraged, not wanting to get Narcissa wrapped up in a blanket of depression again. “’E’s a man; they tend to be a bit slower on the uptake, I’ve found. Give ‘im time.”

Narcissa felt like seven months was certainly enough time already, but she didn’t want to talk about it; it wasn’t going to change anything anyway. So instead she switched the topic with, “Oh, I meant to ask, did you ever… find out if it was just when you were drunk?”

Because she had been curious, of _course_ she had, but they hadn’t been able to speak to each other in a while, and something of that caliber should not be written in letters where they could be read by anyone. Cassandra just smirked though, her tongue being placed teasingly below her incisors as she looked at her friend. “Why ya wanna know?” she asked, and Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure if she was flirting with her or just poking fun at her for her curiosity regarding the subject, given the circumstances.

So Narcissa just lightly rolled her eyes and tried to ignore the fact that how much she had to drink tonight caused her cheeks to redden a little at the response she was given. “Shut up, you know I was just asking because I’m your friend and I care.”

“…Yeah?” Cassandra questioned, her tone noticeably lower and filled with disbelief as she stepped closer to her and, shit, maybe she shouldn’t have brought this up. “Ya sure that’s the only reason why ya wanna know?”

No, probably not, but that was certainly the worst part about it, considering her and Bellatrix were no longer fighting and there went the only good viable excuse that she had for messing around with one of her friends.

“Cass, we… we talked about this…” Narcissa tried, but her voice was breathy and low and she certainly in no way seemed to stop her friend from practically backing her up into the side of one of the wine racks. “Besides, this doesn’t…” Narcissa had to force herself out of her staring contest with Cassandra’s lips, and the redhead smirked at the noticeable shift of her gaze. “This really doesn’t answer my question, considering that… that I’m fairly certain that you’re a little drunk _now._ ”

“Mm,” Cassandra confirmed noncommittedly as she moved closer to her, causing Narcissa to inhale a sharp breath as her friend was suddenly pressed completely up against her. Cassandra reached up then, gently brushing the blonde’s hair back from her face to tuck it behind her ear, and Narcissa found she was rather frozen in place. “Wanna know a secret?” she asked, and Narcissa really didn’t know how to confirm or deny because suddenly her vocal cords weren’t working all that well.

Cassandra took her friend’s silence as an answer though and pressed her lips against her ear, her secret being breathed out against her flesh in a way that made Narcissa shiver because _damn her weakness._ “It’s not,” she told her softly, her fingers trailing lightly over the back of Narcissa’s hand before gently playing with her fingers. “’Cause of drinkin’, but I reckon it gives us a good excuse, yeah…?”

“What… what do you mean?” Narcissa asked, surprised she could even form words right now. It had been years since she had felt like someone’s prey, having grown up quite a lot sexually over the years, but suddenly it was like she had no idea what to do anymore, and it was showing. She watched Cassandra wet her bottom lip for a second, and Narcissa kind of hated herself for staring at her tongue so goddamn blatantly.

She knew she was a bad person, but this was… this was _really_ bad.

“Just figure that,” Cassandra began softly before placing a gentle kiss at the base of Narcissa’s neck; an exploration, a test. The blonde bit down hard on her bottom lip, yet foolishly did not move her, which of course Cassandra took as a sign to continue. “If we only kiss when we’re completely knackered…” There was another kiss delivered then, although this time Cassandra parted her lips and gently sucked on the skin beneath Narcissa’s ear, causing the blonde to audibly whimper as she grasped onto her. “Then we can pretend it don’t count, yeah? Pretend it was a mistake, or…”

“Just an effect of the liquor,” Narcissa breathed, her fingers fisting in her friend’s dress as she allowed Cassandra to lead her into an array of excuses she could use for doing this. “Because… because no one really knows what they’re doing when they’re this drunk…” Narcissa could feel her friend smile against her neck at that before gently nipping at her skin, and God, this was making her bloody _weak._

Out of all of her problems thus far, this was probably the biggest, and yet Narcissa was allowing it to continue anyway. She hoped that it wasn’t just because she was a shit, selfish person who wanted everything, but that was probably precisely what it was.

“Exactly…” Cassandra responded, her tone low and seductive as her tongue began to lightly trace the blonde’s ear. The feeling caused fire to race beneath her skin as her nipples tightened in their confines, and suddenly Narcissa couldn’t really think much past the person touching her anymore.

“Fuck,” she breathed, turning her head a little so that their lips were just a fraction of a width apart. She knew this was terrible, but at this point she honestly couldn’t help it; she had never expected Cassandra to be able to seduce people well – what with the way she spoke and all – but apparently she had been very, very wrong. “ _Fuck,_ ” she swore again, this time more resigned before she finished, “—Fuck it,” and allowed her lips to connect with her friend’s.

The kiss was bruising and desperate, neither of them interested in careful exploration when there was a party going on upstairs. Whatever they were actually planning to do down here, they had to be quick and discrete. Narcissa still wasn’t certain what Cassandra’s endgame here was, but she knew that if nothing else, she could not sleep with her. She could rationalize in her head that sometimes friends just kissed one another when they were drunk, but sex was an entirely new level she had no idea how to excuse, because a part of Narcissa knew that it shouldn’t be. If she did that then she crossed a line she couldn’t come back from, and she had no idea how she’d be able to look her sister in the eye again. 

Narcissa’s hands tangled in a mess of auburn hair as Cassandra plunged her tongue into her mouth, not beating around the bush about what she wanted anymore. She tasted like candy and wine, and Narcissa moaned softly against her lips before she took the lead and encouraged Cassandra to walk a couple steps backwards towards the small wooden bench situated against the eastern corner of the wine cellar. 

When the back of Cassandra’s knees hit the wood she dropped down into a seated position, allowing Narcissa to climb on top of her and straddle her waist as she continued to kiss her with renewed vigor. Cassandra wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her arse, eliciting another soft moan from Narcissa as she blatantly rubbed herself against her friend’s thigh, at least needing some friction so she didn’t go absolutely mad.

If she wasn’t already, anyway.

Her dress was rather free-flowing at the bottom instead of tight to her thighs, and Cassandra’s was relatively short. Therefore, Narcissa’s knickers were now directly against Cassandra’s skin, and the redhead groaned low in her throat when she felt her, breaking the kiss momentarily to breathe against her lips, “Jesus, Cissa—you’re real wet…”

“We can’t have sex,” was Narcissa’s automatic response, and yet she was still unconsciously grinding herself against the younger woman’s thigh as Cassandra’s nails gently dug into the skin of her arse, encouraging her closer.

“I know.”

“Was more reminding myself,” Narcissa admitted in a whisper, which caused Cassandra to smirk a little in response, no doubt immensely flattered; which she should be, because _Jesus._ Their lips connected again, Narcissa intent on continuing this, even though in the end she knew it would just be the biggest tease in existence. Cassandra’s hands had gone from her arse to her waist and then up to cup her breasts, causing Narcisa’s breathing to become a little more erratic as her friend’s thumbs dusked over her nipples that were obviously straining against the fabric. 

But that was about as far as they got, as suddenly Cassandra tore her lips away from Narcissa’s, her expression masking over in discomfort as she shut her eyes and looked away from her. “Cass?” Narcissa asked, growing concerned by how sudden that was. She looked a little ill. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m… just feelin’ a little sick to my stomach, is all. M’sorry.”

Well, that was disappointing, but probably for the better, considering their circumstances. If they didn’t stop soon, Narcissa probably would have begged her to fuck her right there on that bench, and then her entire world would have come crashing down around her. “Did you have too much to drink?”

Cassandra just shook her head though, causing Narcissa’s brow to rise a little. “Nah, been happenin’ off an’ on for the last two weeks or somethin’. Maybe just caught a bug.”

Narcissa’s eyes widened though, her brain going somewhere entirely _different_ as she quickly got off of her, now irrationally afraid she might be squishing something very important. “Oh my God, Cass…” she breathed, realizing what this could mean. “You could be _pregnant._ ”

“What?” Cassandra laughed, like that wasn’t even fathomable to her in that moment. “No, think I’d know if I was pregnant, Cissa. Wouldn’t I feel a bit different, an’ all?” Suddenly she didn’t seem all that sure, and she quickly looked up at her friend; her _only_ friend who had ever been pregnant themselves. Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip, looking at her like she wasn’t sure what to tell her.

“Not necessarily,” she responded, at least being honest. She certainly hadn’t known before her morning sickness the first time, and the second time she had tested right away because she had been trying. “But I think it might be wise to check before you drink anymore. Have you and your husband been trying?”

Cassandra shook her head. “Nah, but the bloody condom broke last time; figured it was a slim chance that I was ovulatin’ though, so didn’t much worry ‘bout it,” she told her honestly. “Not the first time it’s happened anyway; the condom breakin’, that is. An’ I can’t be on birth control ‘cause it makes me sick, so I’ve been worried before but when I never got pregnant all those times, figured I just had good luck with timin’ or somethin’.”

“Good luck?” Narcissa repeated, half in confusion and half in disbelief because she didn’t really understand it; Cassandra was _married,_ in love, and _happy._ Why wouldn’t she want to have children? Narcissa’s life was in shambles and that’s why she wasn’t anywhere close yet, but _Cassandra…_ she had everything, so why wouldn’t she want something like that? “So you don’t… want children?”

“Oh, no, that’s not—I mean, we just never figured right now, yeah? Weren’t plannin’ on it or nothin’, but if I am then…” Cassandra trailed off then, a small smile etching across her face as she gently placed a hand on her abdomen and looked down. “I think… think I’d be a good Mum, yeah?” She looked up at Narcissa then, and suddenly it was as though something had snapped clean in half inside of her.

“Ye— Yeah, of course…” she responded, her voice noticeably cracking in her throat before she cleared it and looked away, wishing that she wasn’t feeling this way. 

It had hit her all at once though; the fact that she was twenty three years old and still hadn’t conceived a child she could keep, despite the fact that all she had ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother. Now she was neither. Now she didn’t know if she would ever be either of those things again, and God, it _ached._ She wanted to be happy for Cassandra, she wanted to support her, but all she could do was choke on her own failures as she turned from her friend, desperate for her not to see that all she could think about in this moment was herself.

“We should… rejoin the party,” Narcissa told her, walking back towards the stairs before Cassandra could try to get her to stay. She just needed to get out of there before she completely broke down in front of her. That wouldn’t be fair to Cassandra; she should be happy, excited… not worried for Narcissa’s emotional well-being. “I don’t want anyone to wonder what’s been keeping us.”

But Cassandra just worried her bottom lip for a moment, already knowing that something was wrong. “…Cissa?” she asked softly, no doubt wanting her to stop and talk to her, but Narcissa couldn’t. She just couldn’t. 

“Come on,” Narcissa encouraged, pushing absolutely everything down in order to come off as much more ‘normal’ than how she really felt. Her voice came out overly chipper, but as Narcissa found that better than the alternative, she didn’t try to fix it. “We don’t want people talking about us anymore than they have been, alright? I don’t want to have to go another few months without seeing you.” Narcissa reached out to her from the stairs, wiggling her fingers invitingly as she forced a smile she did not feel. 

The frown lines in Cassandra’s expression deepened, no doubt realizing exactly what it was that her friend was doing, but she didn’t push the issue. In the end, she knew Narcissa wasn’t ready to talk about it. So she followed her back up the stairs, and the two of them tried to act normal for the duration of the evening. 

Not that it lasted very long on Narcissa’s end. How she was feeling just kept eating away at her, and so eventually she approached her husband who had been speaking animatedly with Severus’ date for what seemed like ages now, hooked her arm into his and quietly requested that he take her home. She was feeling so terrible that she didn’t even have it within her to get jealous of the amount of time Lucius seemed to want to spend talking to that woman; besides, in the end she figured that Lucius would never betray his friend like that, and therefore she didn’t have anything to really worry about. Right now, she had other things to concern herself with, like the fact that she felt like she was drowning in her own lack of self-worth and accomplishment.

When they apparated home and went inside, it didn’t take much time until the feeling overwhelmed her and she had to turn away from her husband, cover her mouth, and attempt to not cry in front of him. It did not work as well as she had hoped.

“…Narcissa?” Lucius asked, sounding a little taken aback at how abruptly she seemed to one-eighty on him. His brow furrowed and he looked a little lost on what to do, considering they hadn’t exactly been close lately. Narcissa hadn’t really shown any kind of emotion in front of him in months, and before that it was just furious anger and heartbreak. Now, after months of them being somewhat okay with their situation, his wife was standing in front of him crying, and it seemed Lucius wasn’t entirely sure why.

But he went to the most logical place.

“If this is about Victoria, we were just talking; I wasn’t—”

Narcissa turned around to look at him incredulously, her cheeks tear-stained and her makeup smudged. “Oh my God, I don’t _care_ that you were having a conversation with Severus’ two-knut hooker, Lucius…!”

“She’s not,” Lucius was quick to defend, much to Narcissa’s disbelief because honestly, did he think she _cared_ if she was really bought and paid for? That was so low on her priority list that it barely even registered as relevant at all. “A prostitute, that is, but…” he trailed off awkwardly at the look he was being given, “I can see that you really don’t care what her profession is, so I’m going to just leave that alone now.”

Narcissa just shook her head though, dabbing beneath her eyes as the tears continued to fall. “God, I don’t—I can’t do this with you. Not now. Not ever.” Because she couldn’t tell him why she was upset, because the one thing she feared more than anything else was that he wouldn’t _care._ This was so important to her, so devastating to her, and if Lucius… if he didn’t even _care_ then maybe she had always been wasting her time on him. Maybe she had always wasted her life with him. Maybe he was right, and maybe they never belonged together at all.

And Narcissa could not bear that.

“No, Narcissa, let me—” Lucius tried, however cut himself off with a soft sigh as the corners of his lips turned down into a frown. He hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “Just because we’re separated, doesn’t mean I don’t care when you’re upset,” he told her softly, genuinely. “Please talk to me.”

Narcissa wiped her eyes again, exhaling another soft sob. “You’re not going to like it,” she whispered, because either he wouldn’t care, he _would_ care and would feel terrible about it, or he’d think that she was trying to guilt her way into getting impregnated despite things not being fixed between them. Honestly, neither outcome seemed good.

“…Oh God,” Lucius responded in a disbelieving tone, of course jumping to the wrong conclusion as per usual. “You really were sleeping with Cassandra, weren’t you? Did she break it _off_ with your or something?”

“What??” Narcissa asked, like that was the most preposterous thing she ever heard, and like she _didn’t_ have her tongue halfway down her friend’s throat a few hours previously. “—Jesus,” she exhaled, sounding frustrated and defeated as she practically threw up her hands before slumping against the far wall, another tear falling down her cheek. “I’m so fucking tired of everyone thinking I’m a bloody lesbian. I’m so _fucking—_ ” But her voice cracked in her throat and she slipped down the wall, exhaling another sob before she curled herself into a ball on the floor. “Just forget it,” she breathed sadly, unable to deal with this right now.

“No, Narcissa, I’m—I’m sorry,” Lucius tried, hunching down in front of her so he could get on her level. He did look guilty for that, at the very least. “I just… you know I have some issues with—with that. It was more of a reflex; I’m sorry. I know the two of you are just friends. She’s not—well, anyone _else._ ”

Bellatrix, he meant, but he obviously didn’t want to say that out loud. Narcissa didn’t feel like arguing with him about it though; it was always the same conversation, and nothing ever changed. It exhausted her.

Lucius put his hand on his wife’s knee then, encouraging her softly, “Please tell me.”

Narcissa wet her dry lips then, her throat feeling as though it was going to close up. She still wouldn’t look at him; instead choosing to stare at the far wall. “…Cassandra might be pregnant,” she whispered softly, finally, and the understanding in Lucius’ eyes was almost instantaneous as he pulled his hand away from her. 

“… _Oh._ ”

Narcissa swallowed hard, still refusing to meet his gaze. “Yeah,” she breathed softly, sadly. She felt like something inside of her was shattering, and she hated that she couldn’t put it back together again. “… _Oh._ ” 

Lucius pursed his lips, unsure of what to say to her for a moment; unsure of how to make it better, if he even could. “Look, Narcissa, we’re…” he began softly, tentatively reaching out for her once before. “We’re still _young,_ it’s not like—”

“ _Don’t,_ ” Narcissa responded dangerously, finally looking over at him with watery, blood-shot eyes. Her hand pushed his off of her knee and she told him, “Don’t touch me. Don’t… don’t _pretend_ that we didn’t miss our chance, because it’s been _seven months,_ Lucius, and you haven’t been interested in reconciling at all. You said this wasn’t permanent, and yet you were trying to get over me so don’t—don’t _stand_ there and pretend like there’s still a chance for us to have a family! The most _fucking_ family the two of us will ever have is if we’re screwed up in the head enough to raise each other’s bastards, and I honestly can’t guarantee that my sister won’t fucking smother yours.”

Lucius pursed his lips into a thin line, distress mapping the lines of his expression as he stayed silent for a long moment. “This isn’t what I wanted, Narcissa,” he finally told her. “I wanted a wife, I wanted a _family,_ not—not whatever the fuck this is. But you made your choices—”

“No, _you_ were the one who made _this_ choice!” Narcissa exclaimed fiercely, still feeling tears run down her cheeks in jagged lines. She didn’t want to fight about this, not again, but God everything felt like it was freshly cut open again and it just _hurt._ “Not me! I didn’t want this, _you_ did! You’re the one throwing away our _family_ , Lucius!”

“No, you don’t get to blame this on me!” Lucius furiously exclaimed, getting off of his knees so he could rise to his feet and back away from her. “ _I_ didn’t throw away our family, Narcissa; _you_ did, eight fucking years ago when you agreed to sell our child for _her._ This isn’t a new thing, Narcissa, nor is it of my doing; you’ve been destroying us for a long time, and the only thing you’re devastated about right now isn’t the fact that you don’t think we can have a family together anymore, but the fact that we could have had one already _and you had it killed._ ”

Narcissa felt like she had been backhanded across the face with those words and she looked up at her husband in horror, hardly able to believe that they had fallen from his lips. That was… _devastatingly_ cruel, and Narcissa could feel bits of herself just shattering inside of her as the truth bore a hole in her heart that she could never repair. Because he was right; if she hadn’t sold a child to Voldemort in exchange for her sister’s sanity, then they would have had a family right now. Lucius had wanted to try for children a few years ago, but because of what she had done she had taken an array of potions to make sure that didn’t happen. And now… and now, it might be too late.

Lucius was right; he didn’t throw away their chance, _she_ did.

And Narcissa could not bear that reality.

“Shit,” Lucius swore, noting the look on his wife’s face. He knew he had destroyed her with those words, and even though he believed them to be the truth, he clearly regretted the repercussions of them. “Narcissa, I’m—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“Get out,” Narcissa croaked, unable to be near him any longer, yet unable to remove herself from his presence either. She felt like all of the strength had been drained from her, and she couldn’t move. “Get out, leave me alone. I just—I need to be alone. Leave.”

And Lucius, not wanting to make this any worse, did exactly as she asked… and just left.

**TBC…**


	30. XXX. Summer, 1979

**CHAPTER THIRTY  
Summer, 1979**

Things did not get better after that. If anything, they got worse.

Narcissa and Lucius didn’t try to speak to one another while cohabiting in their manor anymore, but both of them were out of the house more than they were in it now anyway. Narcissa didn’t know where Lucius went when he left, but she almost always went to her sister’s house, as after Cassandra wrote to her one day and told her that she was, in fact, pregnant, she couldn’t bear being around that after what had happened with Lucius. She knew it was selfish of her, but she was just devastated, and she couldn’t bear to make things any worse on her sanity at this point.

Still, life went on, and with it came parties that the socialites constantly threw in order to make it seem like the entire world wasn’t burning down around them. There had been so many lately that it had gotten to the point where socialites threw them even if a party wasn’t appropriate for the occasion they were supposed to be ‘celebrating’. And while it was ridiculous and sometimes even strange, everyone let it continue because it was better than acknowledging what was happening in the real world. 

In the end, purebloods had always been good at one thing, and that was ignoring everyone and everything else around them.

A week ago Narcissa had gotten a letter in the post that her uncle Orion had died suddenly from a heart attack, and considering what had been going on lately, of course Walburga decided to use the opportunity to make it into the social event of the year because she was both incredibly selfish and lacked an actual soul. Not that Narcissa cared for Orion Black in the slightest – he was as much of an absentee and uncaring father as her own was, and as an uncle he wasn’t much better – but it was like Walburga didn’t care very much that he died, and sought to make the entire thing about _her_. 

It was disgusting, and yet because she was related to this mess, she was forced to show up and bear through it.

The actual funeral had been that morning during an unusually chilly day in mid-August, and at least Walburga hadn’t turned _that_ into some kind of show. It was a simple, small ceremony with only their immediate family, but the party that came afterwards was… _huge._ Walburga claimed that Orion would have wanted them to ‘celebrate his life rather than mourn his death’, but half of the people invited probably didn’t even know the man, and the more people showed up, the more Regulus seemed to sour.

“This is bloody fucking ridiculous,” he told his cousin about halfway into the night before taking a large swig out of the bottle of vodka he held in his hand. If Walburga had seen him she probably would have hit him for not drinking it out of the glass, but Regulus made sure he was as far away from her as he could be at all times, not wanting to deal with her any more than he had to. 

He handed the bottle to Narcissa then who hesitated for a moment, but one look around caused her to realize that she had no idea where her stupid husband had run off to and with who, and so she stepped behind the corner so that she wouldn’t be seen and placed the bottle to her lips. She lacked the patience at this point to get a glass of her own if she were in the honest, but Narcissa also didn’t want to be seen as some kind of savage either.

“It’s like a sodding circus in here,” Regulus continued to complain as his cousin handed him back the liquor bottle. “You’d think she couldn’t concoct any other way to get her arse kissed.”

The corners of Narcissa’s lips pulled down into a small frown. “I _am_ sorry, Reg,” she told him sincerely, “for your loss.”

Regulus just waved that off though before taking another swig of liquor. “Don’t be,” he told her, not concerned about it in the slightest. “Barely knew the man. Was never around, anyway. Just hate that that mingy cunt uses every sodding occasion to throw a bloody party; like we all don’t have more important things to do than be _here._ ”

Narcissa pursed her lips as she watched her cousin unconsciously rub the mark on his arm that was covered by the long sleeves of his roves. She knew Regulus had been officially initiated not long after they had seen him the last time, as he had finally come of age then. Neither Bellatrix nor Lucius had ever said much about what was going on within Voldemort’s inner circle though, and therefore Narcissa had no idea how he was doing. Regulus didn’t seem to be falling apart at the seams over what he was no doubt made to do which was good, but he did seem a little more anxious than normal. He couldn’t seem to stand still and was constantly shifting the weight between his feet.

“How are… things going?” Narcissa asked tentatively, not sure if she should even broach the subject. “With… well, you know what I’m asking.”

“Fine,” Regulus dismissed, but didn’t meet her gaze when he said it and accented his statement with another, larger swig from the bottle. That made Narcissa uneasy as Regulus didn’t seem entirely comfortable with what he had gotten himself into, but in the end she knew he had made his decision, and that there was no backing down from it now. She just hoped that he didn’t regret it, but he seemed to be drinking _awfully_ heavily today.

“…Cissa?”

Narcissa turned around then, surprise coloring her expression at the sound of her friend’s voice. Cassandra stood in the threshold of the doorway, looking a little unsure about approaching her, which was what broke Narcissa’s heart the most. She knew she hadn’t been a great friend since Cassandra’s announcement, and a part of her hated herself for that. Cassandra honestly did deserve better, and yet for nearly eight years all Narcissa did was practically shit on her. It was awful, and she honestly felt terrible about it.

“Excuse me for a moment, Reg,” she said to her cousin, knowing that she owed Cassandra at least a moment of her time. Regulus merely shrugged though, his drunken demeanor unperturbed by the interruption before he wandered off into another room, giving them a little privacy.

Narcissa hadn’t known that Cassandra had been invited, but then again, it seemed nearly every pureblood family was, and therefore she knew she shouldn’t have been surprised that she would show up eventually. Approaching her friend, Narcissa wasted no time wrapping her up in a fierce hug.

“Congratulations,” she whispered in her ear, much more sincerely than she would have a month ago. Narcissa had had time to grieve though for her own loss, and she knew she couldn’t be this selfish. Cassandra must be excited, and it was terrible that she had shut her out for so long. “Do you know if it’s going to be a boy or a girl yet?” she asked with a small smile as they untangled themselves from the embrace.

“Peter wants to be surprised,” Cassandra told her before placing the palm of her hand over the tiny swell of her belly. She was only two and a half months along, but she was already starting to show a little. It wasn’t anything substantial by any means, but it was definitely more so than Narcissa herself had when she was that far along. “Think it’s gonna be a boy though; if ya want my guess.”

“How do you know?” Narcissa asked, genuinely curious.

Cassandra just shrugged though. “Just a feelin’,” she told her confidentially, a smile on her face as she said it. Despite the baby not being planned, Cassandra was _happy_ , and Narcissa felt like such an arsehole for pushing her aside after she had found out that she was carrying a child. Her lips turning down into a small frown, Narcissa took her friend’s hands in her own and gently squeezed them.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, knowing that Cassandra would know what for without having to elaborate. She had learned her lesson about speaking about personal matters at parties even if she didn’t think anyone was around, and she didn’t want to whole world to know that she had been jealous of Cassandra because of her own problems with her husband.

Cassandra just shot her an understanding look though and squeezed her hands right back. “I know,” she told her, at least wanting her to realize that she was aware of what happened and why Narcissa had done it. “But now’s not the time to talk about that, yeah? We’ll go for tea this weekend, if ya want. Can’t drink no more, so I’m gonna be a right dull for the next couple o’ months, but… I’d like to ‘ang out with ya again, Cissa. Been awhile.”

Narcissa smiled at her softly, glad that Cassandra wasn’t angry for her for what she had done. “I’d like that,” she responded genuinely, wanting that as well. 

Cassandra’s smile faded after a few moments though, and she worried her bottom lip between her teeth before hesitantly glancing around to see if they were well enough alone. “I, um… I have to tell ya somethin’ though,” she told her friend softly, careful to not be overheard as she stepped a little closer to her so she could keep her voice down even lower. Narcissa’s brow crinkled at the sudden shift in demeanor, not understanding what it could be about; weren’t they just speaking pleasantly a few seconds ago? Why did Cassandra look uneasy all of a sudden?

“I, uh… actually came to find ya cause…” Cassandra trailed off a little though, suddenly a little uncertain about whether or not she should tell her. Therefore, she tried to downplay whatever her urgent news was with a false optimism that was as transparent as the water glass the other woman was drinking out of. “An’ it might be nothin’, y’know, but I just thought—”

“ _Cass,_ ” Narcissa pleaded softly, needing her to get to the point. Whatever this was about, it really didn’t sound good, and her heart was beginning to beat a little more firmly in her chest as she began to grow nervous.

Cassandra pursed her lips into a thin line, hesitating for a moment before she gave her a sympathetic look and told her, “I… saw Lucius go upstairs with that girl Severus is supposed to be datin’. It just… looked a little weird; like they were sneakin’ or somethin’, but maybe it’s—”

But that was all Narcissa heard.

She was out of that room in a flash, rounding the corner to get to the grand staircase in the foyer. The bustling people around her barely noticed how tense she looked though as she ascended the stairs, weaving through an array of people who occupied both the first and second floors of the manor. Narcissa saw her sister briefly talking to that Crouch boy and another man she did not know, but she barely even registered her as existing as she continued on with purpose, hearing the blood pound in her ears. She wasn’t even certain that she was _breathing_ at this point, and yet she didn’t care. She couldn’t care, couldn’t _think_ of anything other than Lucius in that moment. 

Lucius and that stupid, slutty, little _bitch._

A quick check of each of the rooms on the second floor saw them all occupied by party guests though, and Narcissa realized that if Lucius had been looking for privacy he would have tried to sneak up to the third floor. So she continued on, thankful she didn’t look too weird going into areas that were off-limits to the general public considering she was closely related to the home owner. Still, Lucius was… was _not_ – not by blood anyhow – so _him_ going into these areas, if he was still up here and Cassandra just hadn’t been mistaken, was so terribly rude and… and _awful_ and…

“Jesus, Lucius…” came the breathy sound of a woman’s voice from one of the rooms on the third floor the moment Narcissa had ascended, causing her to stop dead in her tracks as her stomach twisted uncomfortably in her gut. There was no mistaking what kind of tone that was. “We shouldn’t… what if we get _caught…?_ ”

Narcissa didn’t hear Lucius’ reply though, as suddenly she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her hand wrapped around the banister in order for her not to collapse from the weight that had suddenly settled in her chest, and her eyes burned with furious tears as she heard that… that _disgusting_ woman moan at whatever the hell her _husband_ was doing to her.

God, she wanted to vomit.

She had never prepared herself for this. She didn’t know how. Of course Narcissa knew this could be a possibility – Lucius said himself that he wanted to try to… to find someone _else_ , but God… Narcissa couldn’t accept it. She couldn’t accept this. She _wouldn’t_ accept this!

The door to the room her husband and that tart was in was slammed open so fast and so loudly that the two people inside physically jumped from surprise. “Oh my God…!” the woman – Victoria, was it? God, who cared – exclaimed, at least having the decency to look ashamed of herself as she rushed to cover up her breasts and fix the hem of her dress. Narcissa looked _murderous._ “I’m—I’m sorry,” she stammered, apparently knowing _exactly_ who it was that interrupted them. “He… he said you were separated, I didn’t—”

“We _are—_ ” Lucius tried to assure her, looking at Narcissa like _she_ was the one doing something wrong in this scenario, but she ignored him, still staring straight at the other woman.

“Get out,” she demanded in a low, dangerous voice. “Get the _fuck_ out and if I find out you’ve touched my husband again I will reign such _fury_ down on your head that you will have _wished_ that I killed you now instead of giving you a second chance to see another bloody day. Are we clear on that?”

The other woman swallowed hard, her eyes shifting towards Lucius for a moment before she shot him what could only be described as a look of apology, and practically fled from the room. In the end, she obviously was not interested in being the centerpiece of drama, nor the mistress of an affair that was not condoned. Lucius looked _furious_ with her for doing that, but that wasn’t even close to how Narcissa felt in that moment.

She didn’t even give her husband a moment to speak before she backhanded Lucius across the face as hard as she could muster, one of her rings actually splitting open his lip. “— _Fuck,_ ” he swore angrily, his hand going to his lip to dab the small bit of blood there. Good. She hoped she bruised him as well; maybe then he’d learn to not be a cheating arsehole. “What the fu— we’re _separated_ , Narcissa; what the bloody hell do you think you’re—?!”

“You’re taking me home,” she told him, not leaving room in her tone for any other option. “You’re taking me home _right now_ , Lucius, or I swear to you, the next person I talk to is my sister. You _know_ what she’ll do to you then, so I suggest you shut the _fuck_ up and take me home without complaint unless you’d like to know what it’s like to live without bollocks.”

Lucius’ jaw tensed at the blatant threat, but he did not argue. Instead he just shot her a furious look and told her, “Get your coat,” before blowing past her and out the door. 

Narcissa followed suit.

She didn’t even bother saying goodbye to her sister or even her aunt before leaving with Lucius, apparating home within minutes, hardly able to contain her fury as she stormed into her manor. It had taken _everything_ she had not to go off on Lucius at Walburga’s, but she didn’t want to air out their dirty laundry in public. They needed privacy, and now that they had it, Narcissa wasn’t pulling any punches.

“In my aunt’s _home?!_ ” she raged, barely even letting Lucius get through the front door before she whipped around and furiously pushed him. “With your friend’s _girlfriend?!_ What the fuck kind of person _are_ you, Lucius?!”

“Victoria’s not—she’s not Severus’ _girlfriend,_ alright?” Lucius responded furiously, practically throwing his coat towards the rack next to the door. It missed completely and fell on the ground, but neither of them paid much mind to it.

“Well she _was—!_ ”

“No, she wasn’t!” he shouted, which caused Narcissa to stop mid-tirade and stare at him like she couldn’t make heads or tails of this situation anymore, because if Victoria wasn’t Severus’ girlfriend, then why the hell was he bringing her to all of the stupid parties? That didn’t even make _sense!_

“What the fuck are you on about?” Narcissa snapped furiously, hating that she didn’t understand in the slightest what was going on anymore.

Lucius exhaled a furious sigh before touching his lip again with the back of his hand, noticing that it was bleeding again even though he had cleaned it up well enough before they had left. “ _Damnit,_ woman, I can’t believe you fucking _hit_ me.”

“You _deserved_ it!” Narcissa defended, because there was no goddamn question about that. What he did was… it was _awful._ She was _there_ for Christ’s sake, and what if someone besides herself had seen them!?

“I ‘deserved’ it?” Lucius raged, wiping his bloody hand on his shirt. God, he was drunk; she could tell he was drunk just from how he was acting, which would at least explain why he was foolish enough to try to mess around with that girl in a public fucking setting. Regardless though, that didn’t make it better. “I ‘deserved’ to get hit because I was spending time with the woman I’m dating when my wife and I are bloody _separated?_ Fuck you, Narcissa; don’t act like you’ve been alone this entire time either. I know you bloody better than that.”

The woman he was…?

“ _What?!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed, hardly able to believe what she was hearing. _Dating?_ Jesus, she thought he was just being some kind of horny arsehole, not that he actually had a _relationship_ with that woman! “What the fuck do you mean, you’ve been _dating?!_ Since _when?!_ ”

“Since Severus bloody introduced me to her at your friend’s birthday party, alright?!” Lucius shouted and, God, Narcissa felt like she couldn’t breathe. She clutched at her chest and fell against the wall, staring at him like she couldn’t believe that this was happening right now. He was _dating_ her? That… God, that was so much _worse._

And what, did Severus just _pretend_ he was dating her so that Lucius and her could spend time together in public without questions? God, fuck him. Fuck him and fuck _Lucius,_ and fuck her for agreeing to this sordid little affair without taking a bloody second to consider how his _wife_ might feel about it. Both Severus and Victoria must have known that she didn’t condone it if they all went out of their way to create an elaborate lie so that Narcissa, nor anyone else, would ever find out, and yet they were all… they were _okay_ with that? What… what _disgusting_ fucking people, honestly.

“I can’t… I can’t _believe_ you,” Narcissa raged, her voice coming out breathless and hurt as her eyes swam with fresh, angry tears. “What an elaborate fucking web of lies you’ve all spun. I hope you’re bloody proud of yourself, because I feel like I’m getting ripped the fuck apart right now.”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” Lucius snapped, furiously walking away from her to cross into the kitchen. Narcissa was hot on his heels, physically unable to just let this be. “You came home with a bloody hickey one day when you were _supposed_ to be with Cassandra. I’m not the only one doing shit behind people’s backs, Narcissa, so stop acting like I’m this giant arsehole for this when you’re doing the same fucking thing.” 

That—okay, that wasn’t good. She had known Cassandra left a tiny mark on her, but she didn’t think Lucius had seen it before she herself had noticed it and gotten rid of it before Bellatrix could bear witness to her indiscretions. Regardless… “I only _kissed_ her!” Narcissa raged before she could think about it, the uncontrollable emotions and the liquor she herself had drank not making her think very clearly before she spoke. “I wasn’t fucking her, nor dating her, so it’s not the same _bloody_ thing, Lucius!”

Lucius full-stopped after grabbing a bottle of whiskey, those words sinking in as much as they were, unfortunately, sinking in for Narcissa as well. “Oh, shit,” she breathed in horror, a hand being placed over her mouth as she realized that she admitted a much more damning thing than a kiss right then, because it had been with a _woman._

Lucius just exhaled a rather hollow laugh at that though, unscrewing the top of the bottle as he muttered bitterly, “I fucking knew it,” before taking a very large swig.

“No, _fuck_ you, you don’t get to turn this around on me!” Narcissa shouted, pointing at him furiously. “We were sodding drunk, and it was… it was _once,_ okay? She was curious about women and I was pissed at _you_ for always thinking that I was a bloody dyke so I just… I _tried_ it, -okay? But at most all it was was a heavy makeout session, whereas you’ve been fucking this other woman for god only knows how long! Cassandra’s my _friend_ and that Victoria bitch is your—” But Narcissa couldn’t even say the word. “ _That’s_ the fucking difference, so don’t you dare.”

Lucius just continued to chuckle bitterly though, as if everything he had ever thought suddenly got validated even though it really _didn’t._ “So did you like it?” he taunted. “Being with a woman? I’m sure your sister is bloody ecstatic; she finally has an opening.”

And that was when it hit her.

“Oh my god, _Bella,_ ” Narcissa realized, her hands going to her mouth again in horror as she stared at her husband, realizing that she might have done something much, much worse than fuck up her marriage even more. She was visibly starting to panic now, and Lucius’s brow furrowed at the abrupt switch of his wife’s demeanor. “Oh my God, Lucius, you can’t tell her, _please,_ ” she begged, not caring about anything else in that moment. “If she knows I’m bisexual and yet won’t give her a chance it’s going to fucking kill her, and then she’ll get jealous and kill _Cassandra_ and… _fuck…_ fuck, fuck, fuck…!”

She started to madly pace then, her heart pounding in her throat. If Bellatrix knew she kissed Cassandra, she would feel so incredibly betrayed and then everything… everything would be _over._ Even though in the end all it really was was Narcissa being drunk and horny and _stupid_ , Bellatrix would still be heartbroken. She couldn’t do that to her.

“So you are then,” Lucius responded, actually sounding a little surprised despite him acting as though he was so sure of it before. “You’re actually bisexual?”

“Of course I fucking am, Lucius, have you _seen_ women?!” Narcissa practically shrieked at him, infuriated that he wasn’t paying attention to what was actually important here. And while she was still giving him some bullshit excuse of why he couldn’t tell her sister, the fear she had was still very, very real. “But can you please focus for one bloody second? If Bellatrix knows, everything is going to fucking shatter so please, _please_ promise me that you won’t say anything! _Please!_ ”

Lucius looked a little taken aback at how frightened Narcissa looked at the prospect of her sister finding out, which at least seemed to validate to him how she felt in that moment, and that this was a very real, very pressing issue. “…Yeah,” he promised after a long moment’s pause. “Yeah, I won’t say anything, Narcissa. I swear.”

Narcissa closed her eyes then as she slumped against the kitchen wall and exhaled a breath of relief as she pushed the hair from off of her forehead. “ _Thank you,_ ” she responded earnestly, meaning every word as she opened her eyes again and looked over at her husband. She swallowed the uncomfortable lump in her throat before repeating again, this time in a much softer tone, “…Thank you. I know you don’t like her, and I know you care very little for me right now, but that would… it would break her heart. I can’t watch her shatter like that, Lucius; I just can’t.”

“I don’t care about that,” Lucius responded honestly, looking down at the bottle of whisky in his hands before he took another sip. “I don’t care about her _or_ her feelings,” he continued as he placed the bottle back down on the counter heavily, the glass banging against the marble. “I’m only holding my silence for Cassandra’s sake, as your sister is both psychotic and bloody fucking possessive to the point of actual sodding violence. But Cassandra’s to be a mother now, and she doesn’t deserve to have hell reign down on her head for one bloody kiss. I won’t do that to her.”

At the mention of motherhood though, Narcissa seemed to realize something very _different_ as she slumped down into a ball against the wall, her knees up to her chest as she covered her face with her hands momentarily, just trying to force herself not to cry at the entirety of this whole fucked up situation. Regardless of her wishes though some tears still leaked from her eyes and as she uncovered her face and looked at her husband she begged, “God, please tell me you used protection with her, Lucius, _please…_ ”

“Of course I did, I’m not a bloody idiot,” Lucius snapped back, but it lacked bite. He just sounded exhausted, and he bent over the kitchen counter with his elbows on the surface as he stared out the small window overlooking the sink. 

“Besides… I wouldn’t do that to you,” he finally admitted in a soft voice, almost soft enough to be missed, and yet Narcissa heard those words as though he had shouted them and looked over at him sharply. 

She didn’t know what to say to that though. What _could_ she say? He wouldn’t do that to her, and yet he was having a _relationship_ with another woman behind her back? Oh gee, should she feel _special_ then, that he knew better than to _impregnate_ the stupid whore? Honestly, how he said it made it sound like it was some kind of emotional gesture towards her that he should get credit for, but that wasn’t bloody fair. No matter the severity of what he had done, it still hurt. He might not want to get the bitch pregnant, but he _still_ fucked her. But what; despite all of that, she should be grateful that he’s not out there producing _bastards_ now?

No. _No._

“You’re done with her,” Narcissa told him, her voice hoarse and broken as tears continued to run down her cheeks. “I don’t want you seeing that woman ever again.”

Lucius exhaled a disbelieving, bitter laugh at that. “Right. Okay,” he said before bringing the whiskey bottle to his lips again, not at all taking her demand seriously. It caused Narcissa’s eyes to flash, and she was on her feet in a second, storming up to him in order to rip that stupid bottle right from his hands.

“I’m bloody _serious,_ Lucius; you’re done!” she exclaimed fiercely, infuriated that he didn’t think he had to listen to her. But separated or not, they were still _married,_ and that still meant her opinion mattered right now. “And you’re fucking done with this as well – you smell like a sodding drunkard.”

She accented _that_ by taking a large swig out of the bottle herself, mostly because she wanted to get him even more mad but also because she couldn’t deal with this shit without drinking anymore. She felt like her entire life was falling apart around her.

“You can’t fucking tell me who I can and can’t see, Narcissa; I _left_ you,” Lucius responded furiously, not enjoying how his wife thought she could just order him around like that. “Do you not bloody understand that? We’re _over,_ Narcissa; so stop pretending otherwise, because it’s getting fucking _embarrassing!_ ”

He was clearly trying to hurt her, but Narcissa was far too angry at this point to feel anything other than rage. It was like her brain knew it was the only way for her to not go bloody mental over all of this, and so she just laughed in his face. “Until you divorce me, Lucius, _I fucking own you,_ ” she snapped, which probably wasn’t the smartest thing to say considering he might take that as some kind of dare, but she couldn’t think right then; she was just angry. She was so, so angry.

“And you want to talk about _embarrassing?_ ” Narcissa continued as she slammed the bottle back down onto the table, nearly breaking the damn thing before advancing on her husband. “What’s _embarrassing_ , Lucius, is that you’re so sodding lonely and desperate that you’ll let just about anything jump on your dick, won’t you? How old is Victoria, huh? Nineteen, maybe twenty? Why the hell hasn’t she been married yet? What kind of fucking self-respecting pureblooded _woman_ is single at her age, huh? I’ll give you a hint if you’re unsure: _none of them._ You’ve shacked up with _filth,_ and that’s just fucking sad.”

“You answered your own bloody question, you idiotic woman,” Lucius spat furiously, apparently now grievously offended that she had insulted his little ‘crush’. Whatever. She was trash, and he was cock-deep in it. “She’s not pureblood, she’s _half,_ which is why her parents didn’t marry her off to the highest bidder like they wanted to do to _us._ Which, you can clearly see how well _that_ bloody worked out – because even though we chose one another, we still had to decide our entire sodding lives when we were only _teenagers_ and that obviously turned out to be the worst goddamn decision we’ve ever made – so I’d say she’s probably better fucking off, wouldn’t you?!”

Narcissa barely heard the rest of that though, as she was stuck on only one singular thing. “She’s… she’s a _half-blood?!_ ” she asked, completely horrified at the revelation as she noticeably backed a few steps away from him. “Oh my God, you’re—you’ve been sleeping with a _mutt._ Jesus, Lucius, do you have _no_ self-respect?! God, I can’t believe you let her _touch_ you… I think I’m going to be sick…”

“Oh, fuck off; it’s her bloody grandmother who was the mudblood, not even one of her parents,” Lucius snapped, infuriated and exasperated by her dramatics. “In case you haven’t realized, we’re a dying fucking breed – at least a quarter of the damn Death Eaters, including _Severus_ by the way, are half-bloods – and unlike your screwed up family, I don’t actually plan to sleep with any of my relatives, so my options were fairly fucking limited!”

Narcissa was barely listening though, too caught up in her own anger and disgust to even process that anyone else was speaking to her. “Honestly, Lucius, what _is_ this?” she asked, unable to believe that anyone would willingly fuck a mutt for any reason other than trying to screw with someone else. “Are you just trying to get back at me, is _that_ it? Because this isn’t making me jealous anymore, Lucius, it’s just making me sick. You honestly let that filth _touch_ you; that’s… God, that’s just _beyond…_ ”

“Not everything’s about you, Narcissa,” Lucius shot back before grabbing the stupid bottle again off the counter. Honestly at this rate neither of them were going to be able to finish this conversation because they’d be too goddamn drunk to. “Victoria’s kind, _attentive,_ bloody fucking _fantastic_ in bed and you know the best part? She doesn’t sodding lie to me with every other word that comes out of her mouth. Excuse me for wanting something fucking decent in my life for once.”

“Oh, she’s fucking _fantastic_ in bed, is she?” Narcissa seethed, still only picking out bits and pieces from anything that Lucius said to her, as she could barely form a singular coherent thought right now. All she could do was feel, and what she felt was consuming her whole. She advanced on her husband then, forcing him to back up so far he actually hit a wall. He looked a little uncertain about whether he was going to get hit or not for that comment, but that was definitely not what Narcissa was planning to do.

Instead, she just laughed like Lucius’ declaration was the funniest thing she had ever heard.

“She is _nothing,_ ” she hissed in his ear, purposely getting all up in his space to make him uncomfortable. Her breasts were pressed against his chest, her fingers grasping onto the hem of his shirt and honestly, she was half impressed he didn’t push her off of her yet. He clearly did not want her to think that she was bothering him, but that would be his undoing, in the end. “She’s a subpar distraction and an even more subpar human. She’s a disgusting _mutt,_ and you honestly think she makes me jealous, Lucius? You honestly think I believe, for one second, that she fucks you better than _I_ do…?” 

“She _does_ ,” Lucius practically growled at her, but it honestly didn’t even sound convincing, which Narcissa was infinitely thankful for because if some half-blood out preformed her in _any_ aspect, it would infuriate her to no end. He just sounded like he wanted to make her angry though, which was fine as that was exactly what she was doing with him anyway. 

“She’s practically a teenager, has never been married, and I very much doubt she’s had a wide-array of sexual experience unless she spent the better part of the last couple years _whoring_ herself, but sure, I’m sure she’s just positively _exciting,_ ” Narcissa continued to hiss scathingly in his ear, accenting her point by placing her hand up her husband’s shirt and digging her nails into his skin, scratching across his abdomen.

Lucius noticeably twitched, yet still did not move. His eyes just flashed in warning, his lips pursed into a thin line, and Narcissa _reveled_ in it. He thought it would hurt her if he could just stand there and pretend like this didn’t affect him, but he was an idiot, because she knew it did. She knew she’d win, and she loved that he was making it so easy for her even though he believed he was actually being defiant.

“I let you hurt me,” she breathed into his ear, her hand traveling downwards at a glacial pace. “I let you bend me over and I _beg_ for you to make me scream, to make me bleed and cum and _cry_. I fuck myself in front of you, Lucius, allow you to watch me slide my fingers in my cunt while your cock’s in my mouth and you think… you actually _think_ that I will ever believe she’s better than me? Because she isn’t, and what’s more…” she continued, just as she allowed her hand to slide down further over the seam of his slacks, finding _exactly_ what she knew she would. Lucius was starting to get hard, and Narcissa smirked in victory as she placed her lips against his ear and her hand around his cock and finished, “is that _you fucking know it too._ ”

Something in Lucius snapped.

He pushed her off of him so violently that Narcissa nearly fell to the ground, but her husband had grabbed one of her wrists in his hand, forcefully spinning her around so her torso slammed uncomfortably into the edge of the kitchen counter. “Shut _up,_ ” he seethed, no doubt infuriated with her for a plethora of reasons now, but mostly because she had managed to actually turn him on even through his very apparent rage. He grabbed a fist-full of Narcissa’s hair in his hand, forcing her further against the surface as he hissed, “You want this? Then _fine._ But just shut the fuck up, Narcissa, because I’m tired of hearing that bloody mouth of yours!”

Narcissa didn’t care though, she knew she had won. She spread her legs for him as she felt Lucius begin to furiously undo his zipper, and when her dress was up and her knickers were practically ripped clean in half she laughed just to piss him off further, because she wanted him to know that _she made him do this._ And it wasn’t that she particularly wanted to fuck him in that moment, because honestly she actually kind of hated him right then, but she just wanted to win. She wanted him to fuck her while he claimed to have some kind of relationship with another, because _fuck him._ Fuck him for doing that to her, fuck him for shattering her soul that badly.

When Lucius entered her there wasn’t with any build up or foreplay, but that didn’t matter because Narcissa had always gotten wet when she knew she was winning an argument anyway. She moaned in pleasure, only half-aware of the fact that Lucius didn’t even bother to put a bloody condom on. Then again though, he’d probably try to demean her by coming on her face or something in order to try to get some of the power back that she had brutally stripped from him. In the end however, it honestly didn’t matter. She might have only cared about winning before, but now that he was inside of her Narcissa remembered how badly she missed fucking him, and so she was going to bloody-well enjoy this experience as it might be the last time that she would ever get to revel in it.

“If you’re so—ughh, _fuck,_ ” Narcissa swore, interrupting herself as Lucius pounded into her harder, causing her nails to scrape helplessly against the surface of the counter. Narcissa gritted her teeth though, determined to talk shit to him as he did this because she was still so angry with him. “If you’re so… _bloody_ concerned with my mouth, then why are you filling the wrong hole?” she goaded him, which just made him laugh bitterly as he tightened the grip on her hair.

“Because I like making you taste yourself on my cock first, but then again, that’s probably what made you want to fuck women, isn’t it?” Lucius hissed angrily, his other hand grasping onto her arse hard before slapping it, causing Narcissa to grunt in pleasure as her whole body jerked forward. “Is that it, Narcissa? Do you like the taste of yourself so much that you’ve been just _dying_ to have a cunt in your mouth ever since?”

“Fuck you, I haven’t even fucked a woman yet,” Narcissa lied, before the pleasure Lucius was giving her began to overwhelm her for a moment and she had to close her eyes and control herself lest she start moaning too often and making Lucius feel like he was _winning._ “But… believe me,” she gasped, feeling her hardened nipples scrape agonizingly over the countertop as Lucius continued to pound into her with renewed vigor. “When I do, I’ll be… sure to tell you _all_ about it, so you can hate your sodding life because you weren’t there to _watch._ ”

Lucius growled, and that was what made him finally withdraw from Narcissa, a hand being placed on her shoulder as he encouraged her to turn around and drop to her knees in front of him. “Think it’s about time you stopped bloody talking,” he told her, stuffing her mouth full with his cock that Narcissa greedily devoured, sucking her own secretions off of his pulsating member. 

She honestly didn’t care right then that Lucius believed himself to have some kind of power trip whenever she sucked him off because, if she were being truthful with herself, she had _missed_ this. It had been so long since she had been with a man, since she had been with _him,_ that she craved the feeling of him filling her mouth, of him grasping onto her hair and guiding her to suck it _just right_ as she played with his bollocks and got him closer to the edge. Lucius might find this to be dominating, but she was the one with the power when she did this, and they both knew it.

“Jesus… _Christ,_ ” Lucius swore as Narcissa’s tongue began to teasingly circle the head of his dick, and Narcissa couldn’t help but smirk as she saw that his eyes nearly rolled into the back of his skull at the feeling. He was obviously enjoying this a little _too_ much, which to Narcissa meant only one thing.

“She doesn’t do this for you… does she?” she goaded softly before allowing her tongue to run down the length of his shaft. “That’s what you get for fucking inexperienced _children,_ Lucius.” The man looked like he was about to angrily retort to that, but Narcissa took the entire length of it into her mouth then, opening the back of her throat so it could go deeper. And no matter what he was currently feeling, Lucius couldn’t help but exhale a loud groan at that, his fingers tightening in her hair as he began fucking her open mouth in earnest. 

Narcissa had to pinch his thigh when she felt like she was about to gag though, and so he let go of her hair in order to allow her to take it out of her mouth. She chuckled softly, her palms still massaging his bollocks as she looked up at him with an expression that could only be defined as smug. She knew she was winning. She _loved_ that she was winning. 

“You’ve _missed_ this,” she accused as she pushed Lucius backwards enough to cause him to sprawl into one of the kitchen chairs. She climbed up his body like a panther then, keeping eye contact with him before she swung her legs around either side of his thighs, straddling him as she grabbed his cock in her hand, beginning to rub it’s length across her slickened heat. “You’ve _missed_ me…” 

Narcissa smirked then, this wicked little expression that was coupled with her tongue being pressed against her incisors. She knew she looked positively arrogant, and she knew Lucius hated it.

“Says the woman who was so desperate for my cock again that she settled for hate sex,” Lucius shot back, causing Narcissa’s eyes to darken with fury at being so blatantly called out like that. Not that she was _desperate,_ because she wasn’t, but they didn’t… they never _did_ this. They had rough sex from time to time sure, but it was never like this. They were never angry, and yet this time it didn’t even matter to Narcissa, because she had… she _did_ miss it.

And she really fucking hated him for knowing that.

“And you were so desperate for a good lay that you agreed on hate sex as well, despite the fact that you have a little _girlfriend_ now,” Narcissa shot back before biting down on her lower lip and guiding his dick inside of her. Lucius’ fingers dug into her hips then, no doubt causing bruises as he tried desperately not to make a sound at the feeling of being inside of her again. “So I guess we’re both fucking even now, aren’t we?”

“Not even close,” Lucius growled before grasping Narcissa’s face in his hand, pulling her towards him for a kiss that was much more violent than anything else. Lucius bit down hard on her bottom lip and Narcissa swore, beginning to bounce herself up and down on his lap at a pace that _she_ controlled for once. Lucius was attacking her mouth, her jaw, her neck, no doubt leaving dark and angry marks all _over_ her body, and yet Narcissa ate it up like she was starving. She grasped onto his head, her nails raking across Lucius’ skull as she held him to her, encouraging him to do it more as she bit down hard on her bottom lip and whimpered out her pleasure.

Lucius’ hands tore at her clothing then, not even _trying_ to take it off of her gently as he practically ripped her dress to shreds. It was half on her now in tatters with her breasts hanging out of their confines and Lucius’ head dipped down, his mouth wrapping around one of her nipples before he bit down hard enough to make Narcissa audibly hiss.

And yet it wasn’t hard enough.

“ _Harder!_ ” she demanded, earning another bite that wasn’t damn near what she wanted from him. Curling her fingers in his hair, she started slamming her hips against his cock in earnest as she snapped at him, “Did that little bitch make you forget how to be a man? When I say ‘harder’, Lucius, I mean fucking _harder!_ ”

And, well, _that_ was effective.

Lucius bit down so hard on the swell of her breast then that he actually broke the skin and made Narcissa scream. Which, of course, then made Lucius stop because despite everything he didn’t _really_ want to hurt her, but Narcissa didn’t care. Pain was short-lasting anyhow, and she felt like a mess. She hated him, but she hated herself too, and all she wanted was to be torn apart because all of this? It was entirely her fault.

So much for her happy marriage. So much for her family, for her future. So much for hope.

“Oh, don’t be such a pussy; I’m not going to fucking cry after getting what I asked for,” Narcissa spat, her chest heaving and breast throbbing in pain. Lucius just looked at her like she was bloody mental for that though, and yet that didn’t stop him from fucking her. In fact, he took her blatant verbal abuse as an excuse to take matters into his own hands, although no doubt because he wasn’t entirely comfortable with Narcissa being in charge anymore – most likely due to the violence she was starting to crave.

“You’re a fucking mess,” he accused, and yet when he practically pushed Narcissa from his lap he still encouraged her down to the floor and got on top of her, wasting no time entering her again and causing Narcissa’s back to arch on the cold surface of the kitchen floor. She grasped for him, her fingers hooking into the fabric of his shirt before she finally pulled it over the top of his head, throwing it on the floor next to them before clutching at his bare skin.

“Shit…” she breathed, feeling the warmth of his flesh and the beat of his heart as his chest lay against her own. It felt… oddly more real than the rest of the encounter had, and suddenly all of the anger she was feeling laid waste to devastation as she realized that this might be the last time she was ever with him like this. “Fuck, Lucius…” she breathed, forcing her eyes tightly shut as she buried her head in his neck. She didn’t want to cry, but she knew she sounded close to it. “Don’t stop—don’t… _oh my God…_ ”

Lucius knew something had changed through, so he straightened his arms to hover above her, slowing the pace of his rolling hips in order to allow Narcissa room to look up at him if she wanted to. She didn’t, however. “Narcissa…” Lucius addressed her softly, his tone holding an underlying worry about what he might find when he hesitantly requested, “Look at me.”

Narcissa just wordlessly shook her head though, her arms still thrown around Lucius’ neck as she buried her face in the crook of it. Lucius stopped moving within her all together after that, reaching up to untangle his wife from him, and when he finally saw her face, his whole body seemed to slump in defeat as he rested his forehead against hers. “No, don’t cry,” he begged her, not able to handle that kind of emotion right now either. But Narcissa’s eyes were filled with tears, and right after Lucius had said that she had to look away from him as one fell down her cheek. “Come on, don’t… don’t fucking do this to me, Narcissa, _please…_ ”

He sounded afraid, and probably rightfully so.

“I’ve fucking _missed_ you…” Narcissa breathed, unable to keep it in anymore before she pressed her knuckles to her lips, trying to stifle the gut-wrenching sob that followed the admission. She still wouldn’t look at him. “And I… I _hate_ you for that. I hate _myself_ for that. I hate—”

“ _Stop,_ ” Lucius begged, his own voice strained with emotion. “Narcissa,” he encouraged, sounding a little panicked about how this was playing out now, because it was making him feel something he had spent months trying to bury. He gently grasped his wife’s face then, encouraging her to look back up at him. “ _Please._ ”

Narcissa swallowed hard, but she didn’t say anything. And so Lucius swore under his breath, thinking that this was over as he tried to get off of her. But once he tried Narcissa exclaimed, “No!” as she reached out and snatched his wrist, stilling his movements. Lucius looked surprised by that, but he stayed exactly where he was and no longer tried to move. 

“Please don’t stop,” Narcissa begged softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she looked up at him. She hated that she had to ask him to stay, hated that she had cracked and become so bloody _weak,_ but she needed this. She needed him, if only for this one moment. “If this is the last time, I… I need you to finish.”

Lucius pursed his lips as he looked down at her after that, no doubt debating whether or not that was even a sensible idea. But then again, _nothing_ about this night had been sensible to begin with, and so Lucius, no doubt wanting their last time to be a little bit more of a proper goodbye rather than whatever the hell they were attempting to do to one another previously, just nodded his head in acceptance before he repositioned himself inside of her. 

His lips connected with hers then, and this time the kiss wasn’t bruising, nor violent. It was almost resigned, _defeated_ as they both seemed to realize that to hate someone so strongly, was only due to the fact that they still _felt_ so strongly for one another; that they still loved one another, deep down, and it killed them both inside that despite everything, neither of them could make it stop. Narcissa moaned into his mouth, her fingernails etching patterns on his back as he fucked her slowly, _deeply_ , and God, it felt so good that it nearly made her cry again, because this was surely the last time they would ever do this. 

“I’ve missed you too,” Lucius breathed against her lips, sounding so terribly exhausted by the realization as it sought to devour them both whole. “And I fucking… I _hate_ you for that, Narcissa, I do…”

“I know,” Narcissa whispered, clutching his face as she looked into his eyes. Lucius looked so pained by the reality of it that it threatened to crush her heart whole, and yet she could not blame him for it. “I know, my darling, I know…” she breathed, her fingertips tracing his jaw, his chin, then over his lips where the pads of her fingers rested against the cut she had given him when her ring had hit him. “And I’m… I’m _sorry,_ Lucius. I’m so fucking sorry…”

Lucius knew she didn’t just mean about hitting him, and his brow creased in distress before he tried to push past the emotion her apology resonated in him by connecting their lips again, needing to no longer look into her eyes anymore as he kept fearing what he was finding there. Narcissa let him though, knowing that this was as hard for him as it was for her. And when Lucius’ lips fell from her mouth to her jaw, then down to her neck, she closed her eyes and grasped onto him, exhaling a needy moan as she felt him push deeper inside of her.

“Oh my God,” she breathed, feeling her head start to swim and her heartrate beginning to increase. Her hands fisted in his hair as he began sucking on the sensitive spot beneath her ear, causing her back to arch and her toes to curl as she exhaled his name in wanton pleasure. “Fuck,” she swore, feeling his thrusts begin to increase in intensity as the pleasure began to build substantially in her abdomen. “Fuck, _fuck…_ Lucius, oh my God…!” she cried, her eyes screwing shut as she raked nail marks down his back and arms, her hips pressing desperately into his.

Lucius’ hand went between their bodies then and he pressed against his wife’s clit, causing Narcissa to cry out in pleasure as she begged, “ _Please!_ ” knowing that she was on the cusp of coming. But that even of itself was really devastating as it meant this was almost over, and yet she couldn’t stop how she was feeling as her entire body started to flush a deep rose, Lucius fucking her deeper, harder, faster, as he rubbed her off in just the way he knew how until finally she just… felt herself let go.

Narcissa cried out loudly as she came, the contractions within her so intense that she could do nothing else but hold onto him as she rode out her orgasm. Problem was however that the feeling was short-lasting as suddenly her _own_ orgasm brought his on, the pulsating inside of her unable to allow Lucius to hold on any longer, and yet he didn’t… he didn’t _move._ “Lucius!” she cried, trying to get his attention as she felt him tense, knowing exactly what was about to happen. _“Lucius!”_

And yet he ignored her, exhaling a loud grunt as he climaxed inside of her, one of his hands digging so fiercely into her hip that Narcissa half-believed that maybe he was trying to _keep_ her from getting away from him, even though she was far too exhausted to try anyhow. Lucius collapsed on top of her then, but Narcissa barely registered it as she seemed to be in a state of shock as she stared up at the ceiling.

“Oh my God…” she breathed, the reality of the situation seeming to catch up to her in slow motion before it suddenly hit her with everything it had, and Narcissa pushed Lucius off of her as she scrambled away from him. “Oh my _God!_ ” she practically shrieked, putting her hand between her legs for a moment, half-wondering if maybe she had just imagined it. But her hand came back sticky with semen, and suddenly she didn’t know what the hell was going on anymore.

“You did that on _purpose!_ ” Narcissa shouted at him, even though she wasn’t really _angry_ with him, per say. She honestly didn’t know how she felt outside of shocked, and as she watched her husband pick himself up into a seated position on the floor, she saw the look in his eyes and realized that he didn’t seem to know what was going on either.

Still, that didn’t stop her from asking in a bewildered tone, “Wha— _why?_ ” Because certainly, after everything, he wouldn’t want to _try_ to get her pregnant, would he?

“I…” Lucius began, but he seemed lost for words as he just stared at her, unable to make heads or tails of the situation himself. It was almost as though it may have been unconscious on his part, and all he could do was shoot her this perplexed and guilty look of his own as he responded, “I… I don’t know.”

“Oh my God,” Narcissa breathed again, looking so completely overwhelmed and lost that she could barely even function anymore. All she could do was look at her husband and ask, “What do we do? Lucius… what the fuck do we _do?_ ”

Because she wasn’t on birth control, there was a high probability that she was now ovulating as her last period was about a week and a half ago, and she just… she didn’t know what to do. Narcissa had no bloody idea what to do, because if she ended up pregnant, what would that mean for them?

But with one look at Lucius, it seemed he didn’t know either, and so all Narcissa could do was sit there and stare at the wall, wondering if today was going to be the day that changed her life.

**TBC…**


	31. XXXI. Summer, 1979 – Autumn, 1979

**CHAPTER THIRTY ONE  
Summer, 1979 – Autumn, 1979**

Bellatrix’s lips were pursed into a tight line as she inspected the damage to her sister’s body. Her fingertips traced the bruises, the bite marks to her neck and shoulder before falling further down, her eyes following the light blue and greens until she pulled her sister’s blouse down a little, exposing not only the top of Narcissa’s breast but the darkest, angriest bruise she had ever seen on her sister’s body. It looked almost black, with accents of dried blood around where Lucius’ teeth had broken the skin.

“He bit you,” she noted, voice dangerously calm as she noted the pattern of the marks. “He bit _into_ you, like some kind of fucking savage.” Bellatrix sounded like she was about five seconds from storming out of the manor, finding Lucius at work, and ripping him clean and half, but that wasn’t why Narcissa had brought her here.

“…I told him to,” she admitted softly, unable to hold eye contact with her sister as she gently pulled back up the strap from her dress. She heard Bellatrix scoff something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like, ‘And _we’re_ supposed to be the ones in an unhealthy fucking relationship,’ but she ignored her, not wanting to get into it right now. “Did you bring what I asked?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know why you want this sodding cream instead of just using a spell to clean yourself up,” Bellatrix responded in a notably irritated tone as she pulled the bottle out from the inside pocket of her robes. Narcissa knew that her sister hated being playing caretaker when she was cleaning up _Lucius’_ messes instead of her own, but the blonde didn’t know who else to turn to. “This is going to take at least twenty-four hours to work, and spells are instant.”

“Because—!” Narcissa began, sounding a little frustrated even though she knew it was irrational, as Bellatrix had no idea why she was being this way. She pursed her lips for a moment before taking the cream from her sister and unscrewing the top. “Because it’s… herbal,” she answered softly, screwing up her nose a little as she tried to brace herself for her sister’s reaction.

But Bellatrix didn’t get it.

“The fuck does it being herbal have to do with anything?” she asked, like that was the stupidest answer one could ever be given to such a question. “Unless you’ve suddenly become a naturalist, which I have to say will irritate me to no end. You know those people never shut up about their damn food.”

“No, I…” Narcissa tried before pausing a moment to swallow her nerves. Placing two of her fingers into the cream, Narcissa coated her digits before gently beginning to rub it on her bruises. “I’m just afraid that spells could… complicate things, is all. I read a study once that said most magic shouldn’t be used on people who are— I mean, who could be…” But she trailed off, unable to actually say the word out loud.

Bellatrix stared at her for a long time, not getting it, until suddenly her eyes widened a little, she sat up straighter, and she _did._

“Jesus fucking Christ,” she realized, the whole situation hitting her like a freight train. Bellatrix looked as though she wasn’t entirely sure how she should even feel about that kind of information though, and so all she could really express at the moment was shock. Narcissa could relate though, as she was still unable to sort out her feelings on the matter herself. “You think you’re bloody _pregnant_ , don’t you?”

Narcissa’s eyes welled up with tears just from hearing the word, and she could not look at her.

“—I’m _sorry,_ ” she stressed, her voice cracking in her throat as tears began to leak from the corners of her eyes. She felt ashamed of herself for doing this to her sister, because she knew this couldn’t be easy on Bellatrix. “I know… I know it’s probably the last thing you want to hear, I know I shouldn’t have shown you what Lucius did to me, and I started it, I did, so it’s not his fault but I don’t… God, I don’t _know_ who else to talk to, Bella—I don’t know how I feel, I don’t know what to _do…!_ ” Narcissa’s hand went to her mouth then as she looked down at the floor, feeling the tears sting her eyes as she told her, “He didn’t pull out, Bella; he didn’t even _try…!_ ”

“Okay, okay, hold on, just—just fucking relax for a second.” But she didn’t. She couldn’t. Narcissa felt like she was spiraling again, and so her sister grabbed onto her shoulders and shook her a little to snap her out of it. “Seriously, Cissy, stop _bloody_ crying, alright?! _Fuck,_ ” Bellatrix demanded, looking a little overwhelmed with the mess that was currently in front of her, who at least responded a little better to being yelled at, and tried to calm herself down.

Bellatrix didn’t look happy with the situation, but she also seemed to realize that if she continued to scream at Narcissa right then that it would make everything so much worse. So Bellatrix took a deep breath, making sure her tone was a little more level as she asked, “Cissy, you fucked the prick _yesterday,_ don’t you think you’re being a little premature with this pregnancy fear? And besides, I thought you _wanted_ children, so why the hell are you acting like this has torn your fucking world apart?”

“ _Because I don’t know why he did it!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed, desperate for her sister to understand how confused, how _lost_ she felt right then. Dabbing her tears from beneath her eyes with the heel of her hand, Narcissa explained, “I tried to tell him to pull out but he—I think he ignored me, or maybe he didn’t hear me, I don’t know, but it seemed intentional and I don’t know _why._ I don’t even think _he_ knows why, which is the worst part!”

Because when she had asked, Lucius didn’t have an answer for her. They both seemed to be too much in a daze to even comprehend what was going on or why they had done what they did and what it all even meant, and so they just went their separate ways after that and went to bed like… like nothing had ever happened between them.

It was utter madness.

“We aren’t together, Bella,” Narcissa reminded her, needing her to realize this wasn’t her dream scenario at all. “And honestly I don’t even know _what_ we are or where we stand but one thing I do know is that we are _not_ a family, and yet what happens if I _am?_ What if I am pregnant and we do have a child but we’re still separated and everything’s a _mess_ and this child grows up in a broken home with parents who hate each other and I just—I didn’t _want_ that, Bella! This isn’t how I wanted to start a family!”

Bellatrix looked so exasperated by all of this that she had steepled her fingers and rested her head on her hands for a brief moment before she realized that _that_ wasn’t going to work, and instead abandoned her task of not yelling at Narcissa because, in her mind, her sister only ever listened when she said things in very loud tones.

“Cissy, it’s been _twelve fucking hours!_ ” Bellatrix practically shouted at her, trying to make her realize that she was being absolutely ridiculous for concerning herself with this stuff right now. “And just because you didn’t use protection it doesn’t automatically mean you’re fucking pregnant, alright?! People try for sodding _years_ , fuck each other without condoms dozens and dozens of times on _purpose_ to try to get pregnant, so odds are you’re not even fucking carrying his little demon spawn right now, so just bloody _relax_ before you make me want to sodding break something, yeah?!”

And that, at least, caused Narcissa’s mouth to shut as she formed it into a tight line in response.

Looking down, Narcissa wet her dry lips, her cheeks turning a light pink as she started to feel foolish. “I'm sorry,” she whispered, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear self-consciously. “I shouldn't have spoken about this with you.”

She had known it was awful of her to talk to her sister about Lucius like this, as things between Bellatrix and her husband deteriorated once Lucius had left her. They were back to hating one another again, and the last thing Bellatrix needed to hear was not only had she slept with Lucius again, but that there was the possibility that she was pregnant. She just felt so lost though, and Bellatrix was the only person she trusted implicitly. Perhaps she had been foolish though; perhaps she should have went to Cassandra instead, but she didn't feel right hiding anything from her sister either.

But Bellatrix just sighed heavily, pushing the hair out of her face. “Look, I'm not going to pretend this doesn't fucking suck for me, alright? I thought things between you both were over and even though I knew it devastated you and that you never wanted this separation with him, I was happy that it happened. I won't lie about that, because I'm sure you're aware of it already.”

Narcissa chewed softly on her bottom lip but did not respond. Of course she knew Bellatrix reveled in the downfall of their marriage cause that meant she could have her all to herself now, but it still hurt to hear.

“But you're prematurely freaking out, and asking me questions I don't have the bloody answers too,” Bellatrix continued, causing Narcissa to sniffle a little as she wiped beneath her nose and nodded her understanding. “You wanna know why he didn't pull out? Ask _him,_ cause I don't fucking know. Maybe he thinks having a baby will fix things between you, or maybe he's just trying to give you what you want so he can live his own life while you're distracted with bloody child care, I don't know. Either way, I don't fucking care. All I care about is that you're happy, so if you _are_ pregnant and you find that's something you really want, then I’ll be happy for you, alright? But right now, knowing that you fucked him again and what he did to you? I'm not sodding happy, Cissy. I'm so bloody far from it.”

Narcissa still couldn't look at her, choosing instead to stare at her hands in her lap as she swallowed hard and nodded her head. “Okay,” she whispered, still feeling awfully foolish for bringing this up in the first place. “Okay, I won't… until I know for sure if I am or not, I won't say anything about it. I'm sorry.”

Bellatrix exhaled a small breath before pursing her lips and reaching forward to gently brush away a piece of hair that fell in front of her sister's eyes. Narcissa still wouldn't look at her though, and so her fingertips trailed over her jaw to rest beneath her chin, coaxing her to meet her gaze. “Just try not to think about it right now, okay?” she encouraged her softly. “You know how you can spiral, and even though you're doing better with your medication, you still have a tendency to stress yourself out and if you want to talk about what might be bad for the baby, should you actually be pregnant, _that's_ what's gonna be bad, yeah? So just breathe.”

Narcissa's eyes went wide though, realizing something. “Oh my God, my _medication…_ ” Because certainly pills would be bad too, wouldn't they? Worse than stress, even.

“Okay, no, _no,_ ” Bellatrix stressed, not wanting to do something irrational like stop taking her medication just because she _might_ be pregnant. “Cissy, listen to me. You are not going to suddenly take yourself off of that shit just on a hunch, alright? That'll fuck you up something serious. If, in a couple of weeks, you find out you actually are pregnant, _if_ ,” she reiterated, “then I will take you to go speak with your Healer so we can discuss options, alright? But I fucking forbid you to stop taking it right now, do you understand me? I will not watch you fall apart again.”

“But—!” Narcissa began, clearly anxious as she started bouncing her leg up and down against the floor. “Bella, I… I can't fuck up with another child, I _can't…_ ” She started to tear up again, thinking about their daughter, about her first abortion. She couldn't emotionally or mentally handle something, _anything_ , going wrong with her next child. She just couldn't, so on the off chance that she was pregnant, she already wanted to do everything in her power to make sure that it was born alright.

Because even if she had to raise this child on her own, she was going to have it. There was no way she would ever have another abortion, or use an emergency contraceptive, no matter what the circumstances. She had already killed enough children as it was.

“You _won't,_ ” Bellatrix assured her, covering Narcissa's clasped hands with her own. “Cissy, listen to me. So many people don't know they're pregnant until a few weeks after, they keep doing all the shit they're doing - drinking, taking their meds, whatever - and the babies turn out _fine,_ okay? So just stop; you're being crazy irrational right now.”

“Like with this shit,” Bella continued, taking her wand out of her robes before she used a nonverbal healing spell on her sister, causing her cuts and bruises to fade into nothing. Narcissa's mouth dropped open, horrified that she had done that.

“-- _Bella!_ ” she protested, visibly upset that Bellatrix had done that without permission.

“Those 'studies’ are bullshit, Cissy,” Bellatrix told her without apology as she put her wand back inside her robes. “That's like the same shit with those people who think preventative spells shouldn't be used on children because they think it'll cause developmental issues. It's crap and you know it, so don't become one of those mothers.”

Logically, Narcissa understood what her sister was talk about as she always found those kinds of people to be absolutely moronic, but there was also a part of her that had this irrational fear that maybe everything those people said was true. If she was pregnant, she didn't want to screw this up, and that fear had been dominating her thoughts all morning. And it was ridiculous of course, Narcissa knew that, because she didn't even know if she was carrying a child yet, but she couldn't help how she felt.

Still, no good would come from her worrying herself into an anxiety attack, and so Narcissa tried to put all of her concerns on hold until she knew for sure, and nodded her head in understanding of her sister’s words. In the end, Narcissa knew that there was an order to things, and that she had jumped about five steps ahead of herself as she concerned herself with the future instead of the present. So, in pursuit of getting herself back on track, Narcissa decided to hold her silence on the matter until Lucius came home from work.

Because right now, this was more about them, the choices they had made, and what it all meant; whether or not life was created from it all could wait.

At least, that’s how Narcissa viewed it. Lucius, however, seemed to think differently as when he walked into the parlor where his wife now sat alone, he stopped dead in the threshold and looked at her for a very long time before he finally, softly, asked her, “Did you… use an emergency contraceptive?” 

He hadn’t even bothered to greet her, or even put down his work bag; it was as though that question was the only thing that mattered in his life then – for better or for worse.

Narcissa’s stomach tightened in her gut; she was unable to read her husband’s expression, and therefore had no idea what kind of answer Lucius wanted to hear. Narcissa wrung her hands together, her teeth biting down on the inside of her cheek in anxiety before she finally decided to go with the truth and shook her head that she had not. She would not look at him though; afraid that she would see disappointment, anger, or disgust.

But even without looking at him, Narcissa could tell he wasn’t feeling any of those things as she heard him exhale a long breath and then one, simple word. “…Okay.”

Narcissa looked up sharply.

“Okay?” she repeated, unable to fathom what he meant by that. He didn’t sound happy, sad, relieved, or… anything, really. Perhaps he was doing that on purpose though; not wanting to decide his feelings on the matter until he found out Narcissa’s. “What the hell do you— what do you _mean,_ ‘okay’? Lucius, we need to actually _talk._ Do you realize what we did last night?”

“Of course I bloody know what we did last night,” Lucius responded sharply, automatically, until he reeled himself back in and pursed his lips into a thin line, finally putting down his work bag and taking off his coat. “I just… don’t know what you want from me right now, Narcissa. And honestly, I don’t know what I want from _you_ either. I don’t know how to sodding feel about any of this.”

“And you think I do?” Narcissa countered, looking at her husband like he must be mental if he ever truly believed any of this was her _plan._ “I mean…” she began, realizing that she should probably be truthful with him for once. “Perhaps I did want you to fuck me last night, so I’ll admit that this entire situation could probably be considered all my fault, but it wasn’t… it wasn’t because I wanted you back. Not really.”

Lucius’ brow rose at that, but Narcissa wasn’t finished. She had something she needed to say, and she was going to see it through. “I was _furious_ with you,” Narcissa admitted, hoping that being honest wasn’t going to paint her out to be the kind of awful person that she constantly feared that she was. “I was jealous, I hated even just _looking_ at you after seeing you with that other woman, but I wanted you to choose having some kind of fucked up relationship with me over her, even if it was just for a second. I wanted to _win;_ it was the only thing that mattered to me in that moment. But then it… I don’t know.” 

Narcissa’s brow furrowed as she tried to recall the exact moment everything seemed to change between them, but she couldn’t. All she could remember was that one second she hated him and the next… she didn’t. Instead, all she was left with was devastation and loss, and neither of them seemed to know what to do with that. “I don’t really know what it became, but it certainly wasn’t what I was looking for at the time,” she admitted softy, catching her husband’s gaze before she finished, “I don’t know what I was looking for, honestly. I don’t know if I found it either.”

Lucius was silent for a moment, taking in what she had said. He seemed surprised by how upfront she was being without having to fight for the truth, and because of that he didn’t really seem to know what to do with it. He watched Narcissa swallow her nerves heavily and look back down at her clasped hands, feeling rather strange for just out-right saying those kinds of things to him. She hated admitting she was jealous, and she hated admitting that she was being purposely manipulative even more, as it didn’t paint her in the best light. Still, this was serious; something very _big_ might come from this, and because of that, Narcissa couldn’t bear to have another childish argument with the man she loved. 

They needed to be adults about this; Narcissa in particular needed to be an adult about _anything_ in order to feel like perhaps she was well-off enough emotionally in order to raise a child should it come to that, even though the notion of honesty and openness made her feel rather out of place. Regardless, she bore through it; she had to. It was one thing she had promised herself that she’d do as she sat here waiting for Lucius for hours, and now that her moment had come, she begged anyone who would listen that she was strong enough to do this.

Lucius finally crossed the room to sit down in his large armchair by the fire, at least indicating that he was willing to have an extended conversation about this. He still didn’t speak for a long moment though, and a heavy silence passed through the two of them before he finally looked at the flames dancing in the fireplace and said softly, “I actually came here prepared to hear you demand answers for why I didn’t pull out; I assumed you’d blame me, be angry with me. Now I’m not entirely sure how to have a conversation with you that doesn’t consist of yelling, to be quite honest. It’s been a long time since that’s happened.”

“…I know,” Narcissa responded, her voice just as soft, yet filled with more shame than his own as she glanced back up at him, only to see that Lucius was still staring into the fireplace. “But we might have done something that’s irreversible; or, at least, something that I’m not willing to make reversible, and I’m… _tired_ of breaking everything I touch, Lucius. And I’m terrified that if I don’t stop, that I’ll break something that’s far more fragile and far more precious than anything else that’s ever been in my life, and I _can’t_ do that. I’ve already destroyed far too much in that regard.”

It was a realization she had come to once she had begun to get incredibly neurotic about taking care of herself in case she was pregnant. She had destroyed so much; her relationship with her husband, her relationship with her _sister_ more times than she could count – only to get it back and break it all over again – and the possibility of not one, but _two_ of her children coming into this world and living a loving, full life. She fucked absolutely everything up, and she couldn’t bear it any longer. And maybe it was terrible, that the only thing that made Narcissa _want_ to stop tearing down her entire world was the possibility of motherhood, but at least it was something.

_Something_ had to make her stop before she completely shattered the souls of everyone who had ever loved her, so if this was that thing… then so be it. At least she found a stopping point, which was more than she ever believed she would.

Lucius pursed his lips momentarily before finally turning to look at her, realizing what she meant by saying that she wasn’t willing to reverse what had happened. “So if you are pregnant… you want to keep the child?” he asked, thankfully not looking angry or betrayed by the idea. He merely looked curious, which Narcissa kind of hated because she wished that this was something Lucius really wanted as well.

But then again perhaps he did, but still was afraid to show her how he really felt until he knew exactly where it was that she stood. He _was_ the one that didn’t pull out, after all.

“I want to do something _right_ for once,” she told him softly, her eyes searching his for a moment before she asked, “….Don’t you?”

“I wasn’t me who was doing wrong, Narcissa,” Lucius reminded her, before he seemed to reevaluate the truth in that and amended his statement. “Well, perhaps the whole fooling around with my lover whilst in your aunt’s home was fairly shitty of me, but other than that. I don’t need a child to _atone_ for anything, Narcissa, and if you’d like my honest opinion, I don’t know if that’s the best reason to have one anyway. Being a mother won’t erase your guilt.”

“I’m not saying it’s a reason to _have_ one, Lucius; but it’s certainly not a reason why we should abort it either,” Narcissa told him, needing him to realize that she felt strongly about this. “If I am pregnant, then it wasn’t that we conceived for the sole reason of relieving anyone of guilt, or to have some kind of second chance of doing something right for once. It would have just _happened,_ and I’m not going to punish another child just because it wasn’t conceived the way I would have liked it to be.”

“Do you honestly think that this was my ideal scenario?” she continued, her voice cracking a little in her throat at the emotion she felt, because nothing about this situation was anything like what she had dreamed for herself. “I wanted to _plan_ for the child I finally kept, I wanted this to be a decision we both came to because we loved one another and wanted to start a family, but that might not be the way this all plays out. Regardless though, whether or not this amounts to anything, I want you to understand that I cannot just throw it away. And I hope that if it turns out that I am pregnant that you’ll stand beside me, but in the end, I’m going to do this anyway with or without your help. I have to.”

Lucius was silent for a moment, considering her words carefully before he finally met her gaze and nodded his understanding. “Of course I’ll stand by you,” he told her, relieving a huge weight off of Narcissa’s shoulders just from hearing those words. “You’re my wife, Narcissa, and even if this isn’t the way I envisioned our family beginning either, you aren’t the only one who has wanted one for a long time. It just… would make things complicated, because things between us aren’t…” he trailed off for a moment, sighing softly. “They aren’t where I’d like them to be, to understate the obvious.”

“So then why didn’t you pull out?” Narcissa asked, needing to know. Her tone wasn’t blameful though, merely curious. She couldn’t understand how Lucius could stand there and say that it made everything more complicated should she really be pregnant, when it was he who purposely ejaculated inside of her. Surely he must have realized what could happen if he did, and yet he had done it anyway. Why?

Lucius chewed on the inside of his cheek momentarily before he just shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know,” he admitted, sounding as though he hated himself for not having a real answer himself. “I can’t explain it, Narcissa, and I’m sorry. It was just, in that moment, it… felt like the right thing to do. Like maybe it would be an easy fix for everything, but it was spur of the moment and I didn’t think it through, because now the more I do, the more I realize that I only just made everything more complicated.”

Narcissa was silent for a moment, just watching a distressed look pass over her husband’s face before his gaze caught hers and he finished apologetically, “I’m very sorry, Narcissa.” He swallowed hard for a moment, realizing the depth of his actions as he continued, “I’m sorry I didn’t ask your permission to do that, and I’m sorry I forced this situation on you. Even though you don’t seem angry with me for doing so, it still wasn’t right. I should have never done something like that without your consent, because it’s your body, not… not mine. I’m sorry that I treated you like it was.”

Narcissa hadn’t seen it that way at all, and honestly her husband’s words took her aback a little, because it sounded so… _violating_ , when he worded it like that. And maybe it would have been if she wasn’t okay with the repercussions of it, but because of that, she didn’t want to think of it as yet another thing done to her without her consent. She had enough moments like that in her life as it was, and she was not eager to have another.

“Lucius, you’re my _husband,_ ” Narcissa tried to rationalize. “You’re allowed to—”

“No,” Lucius interrupted her, not allowing her to go there. “Whether I’m your husband or not, it doesn’t give me the right to force what could have been an unwanted pregnancy on you. That’s just _beyond…_ ” But he trailed off then, looking disgusted with himself as he shook his head. 

“Both of us have told the other in anger that we own each other because of the rings on our fingers,” he reminded her, catching her gaze. “But marriage doesn’t take away our bodily autonomy. I know some people in our society believe that it does, but it shouldn’t, and I don’t want to be that type of person. So please don’t pretend it was anything other than what it was, because then that excuses what I did, and it shouldn’t be excused. I’m glad you’re not upset with me, and I’m glad that I didn’t seem to do anything you didn’t want, but I could have, and that… it sickens me, honestly. I didn’t know I was capable of something like that, and I’m horrified with myself because of it.”

“Lucius, you were drunk,” Narcissa reminded him gently, not wanting him to beat himself up over something that they both had a part in. It might have been wrong when you looked at the bigger picture, but there were extenuating circumstances, and it hadn’t turned _out_ terrible, at least. “So was I. And you weren’t the only person who did something that could have gone very wrong that night if it was taken badly; I blatantly _grabbed_ your cock when I didn’t have an invitation to while I was trying to manipulate you into fucking me, and I didn’t have the right to do that either. I also put my hands on you in anger, I made you _bleed_ and that was…” But she trailed off then, distress crossing her features as she looked down at her hands for a moment.

“So I’m sorry for that as well,” Narcissa finally finished softly, looking up at him once more. “We were both a mess though, and if neither of us feel violated because of it, then there’s no use beating ourselves up over it. It happened, and honestly, despite the screwed up circumstances that it all came about, I’m… I’m glad that it did.”

Lucius looked up sharply at those words, surprise etched into his expression. “What?” he asked, his voice filled with light disbelief. “Which part?” he asked, needing the clarification. “The fact that we fucked, or that I came inside of you?”

“Both,” Narcissa answered honestly, her cheeks tinging pink a little as she admitted something she knew might end up blowing up quite catastrophically in her face. “The possibility of pregnancy… it seemed to be the wake up call that I needed.” Lucius’ brow rose at that, and Narcissa swallowed her pride as she finally did the right thing for once, and told him sincerely, “I’m just sorry that it took this long. You were right; I did prioritize Bellatrix over you, and I shouldn’t have. I seem to be almost as obsessed with her as she is with me, save the details about how we feel about one another, I suppose. But you were right, and I do perpetuate it; I _do_ love it. I love that she fell in love with me despite societal stipulations, because it makes me feel like something about me transcends that boundary, and that’s incredibly, _incredibly_ flattering to me.”

Lucius’ jaw slackened a little at the blunt _honesty_ of his wife’s words, but Narcissa could not meet his gaze. She knew telling him this stuff was such an incredible risk, but Lucius believed she was always lying to him, always hiding something from him, and he already believed that she reveled in the fact that Bellatrix was in love with her, so she figured that admitting that might make it seem like it was her ‘big secret’. 

Besides, it wasn’t untrue by any means; she did love it, and she did find it very flattering for that very reason despite the attraction going both ways instead of one. She knew she was fucked up for enjoying it though, for even participating in that kind of relationship, and so that became the focal point of her little admission. 

Step one: admit that you have a problem.

“And I know it shouldn’t be,” Narcissa continued, still unable to meet his gaze as she talked more to her lap than him. Honestly though, she was just afraid of what kind of expression she’d be met with should she look up at him. “I know I should feel disgusted by it, but I’m not. I love every bloody second of it, and I’m sorry for that. I know that’s… I know it’s something I need to change if I ever want to have a healthy relationship with you, but I just don’t know how, which is why I chose to get angry with you instead. I wanted you to just accept it, but I know now that isn’t fair of me to ask. You shouldn’t have to put up with my sick infatuations, and I’m sorry that I tried to force you to.”

Lucius was silent for a long moment, just taking that all in. “….Well,” he said after a long moment’s silence, seemingly a little unsure how to respond to something like that. “I appreciate your apology.” It wasn’t an acceptance of the apology by any means, but he did seem to at least be grateful that he received one at all.

Lucius was silent again after that though, his elbows propped up on his knees while his fingers were steepled against his lips for a long time as he got lost in thought. Narcissa sat opposite him in silence, pulling her legs up to her chest as she wrapped her arms around them, starting to grow nervous the longer the silence edged on. She had no idea what Lucius was feeling or thinking by the expression on his face, and that unnerved her.

“I learned a long time ago that trying to separate you from your sister was nothing but wasted effort,” he finally told her, causing Narcissa to look away from the fireplace and at him quickly. “You both had always had this unnatural bond and it rightfully unnerved me, but there came a point where I just had to accept the fact that Bellatrix wasn’t going anywhere, because to assume anything other than reality would have been foolish. So I’m never going to ask you to stop seeing her, because I know exactly how the end result will play out; either you’ll tell me you’ll stop and then see her behind my back, or you’ll out right tell me to fuck off. Either way, Bellatrix still stays in your life, so despite the fact that your entire relationship with her is massively, _massively_ fucked up, I’ve resigned to the reality that she isn’t going anywhere, regardless of what happens between us.”

Narcissa wet her dry lips and nodded her understanding, still nervous about what he was going to say next, but grateful and relieved that he knew better than to try to separate the two sisters. Because he was right; that would not have gone over well at all.

“That being said,” Lucius continued after exhaling a long breath and looking over at his wife. “It’s going to take more than a day to fix our relationship, if that’s what you were aiming for by finally being honest with me. I do love you, Narcissa; even when I hated you, I loved you, and that was why it was so devastating for me. But while I might have found that I want to rebuild our relationship as well, the sad fact is that it’s not that simple. I still have a lot of trust issues when it comes to you, and sometimes it’s hard to see past that.”

“…I know,” Narcissa responded softly, her voice barely above a whisper, eyes downcast. She understood that her constant flow of bullshit was bound to have repercussions, and she could not fault him for that. She wouldn’t trust her either, if the positions were reversed. Still, she hoped that they could eventually move past it, but she was just unsure _how._

Lucius was silent again for a long moment before he looked up at her again and asked, “Why did it take you so long to admit to me that you were bisexual?” And surprisingly he didn’t sound angry, or even like he was accusing her or anything. He merely sounded curious, and Narcissa’s cheeks flushed a light pink as she looked down at her lap.

“…You know why,” she responded softly, feeling a little embarrassed about it. She never expected to have this kind of conversation with her husband, as she didn’t think he’d ever know the truth, and now that she was having it, she was a little unsure how to answer his questions, as most of that part of her sexuality revolved around her sister.

“No, I don’t mean recently; I know that you must have been afraid that I would think that you were sleeping with your sister or something after I found out that she was in love with you,” Lucius responded, which was entirely correct. “But I mean before that; sexuality isn’t something that just changes on a whim, you must have known for awhile that you liked women, and yet you never said anything to me. How old were you when you realized?”

Narcissa wet her lips again, swallowing her nerves as she answered. “I was… twelve,” she told him honestly, as that was how old she was when she first kissed her sister, and realized that perhaps she wasn’t as straight as she should have been. “I was ashamed of it though; I knew it wasn’t normal. And you used to be… rather homophobic in the beginning of our relationship. Until you found out about Bellatrix, until you seemed to realize that queer people were still _people_ , you weren’t very kind when you mentioned anything to do with it. I was afraid you’d be disgusted by me, and so I never said anything.”

“You _don’t_ disgust me, Narcissa,” Lucius told her strongly, and the conviction in his voice almost brought tears to Narcissa’s eyes, because she honestly never fathomed a world where Lucius would be okay with that part of her. “I’m just sorry you felt you had to hide that part of yourself from me, because I know it couldn’t have been easy for you. Something like that is a huge part of who you are, and locking it away like it’s some kind of dirty secret that you have to hide isn’t right. I feel awful just thinking about how suffocated you must have felt, and I’m… I’m very sorry, Narcissa, that you had to go through that for so long.”

_That_ finally made Narcissa cry, completely overwhelmed by the amount of emotion Lucius’ words had elicited in her. He wasn’t judging her, or accusing her of sleeping with Bellatrix now that he knew that she wasn’t opposed to her just because she was a woman; he was actually being supportive, he was being _accepting_ of her, and the feeling that gave her was absolutely indescribable. She openly wept, a hand coming up to press over her lips as she tried to stifle her emotion, feeling a little foolish for crying over something like that. It just meant so much to her though, and Lucius seemed to realize that as he got up off his seat and crossed the room to sit next to his wife on the couch.

An arm went around her and Narcissa leaned into his side, feeling Lucius’ hand cup the back of her head protectively as she cried into his embrace. “Thank you…” she breathed through her tears. “I… I didn’t know how much I needed to… to hear that from you until I did. Thank you…”

Lucius nodded understandingly, gently massaging his wife’s skull with his fingers as she tried to get her emotions under control and calm down. But in a strange twist of fate, somehow all of this just made Narcissa feel _worse_ as her emotions did a complete one eighty and she balled, “ _God,_ why are you just so—you’re so fucking perfect, and all I do is shit on you, over and over, I keep… I don’t fucking deserve you; I don’t know why you stay with me, Lucius, I don’t…!”

“No, Narcissa, don’t—don’t start that self-pity shit again, alright?” Lucius told her strongly, taking his arm away from her in order to better face her. His expression was deadly serious, and Narcissa wiped at the tears underneath her eyes as she looked up at him. “You have this terrible habit of putting the people around you up on pedestals and the only thing that accomplishes is fucking shattering your self-worth; not to mention it completely destroys your relationships once you realize the people you put up there are capable of falling off of it. We were doing good; we were finally talking like two emotionally mature adults, which was something that was _long_ overdue. Don’t ruin it, alright? You need to be stronger than your instinctual need to self-destruct right now, because it’s not going to solve anything.”

Every word of that rang true with Narcissa, and she realized that perhaps she was just falling into bad habits because it was the only thing she knew how to do, and in some strange way it comforted her. But she had wanted to do something different this time; she wanted to try to be an adult for once, instead of this perpetual child she seemed to have become. In the end, she knew it would be the only hope she had to fix her relationship with her husband, which was something she wanted to do very desperately now. “…You’re right,” Narcissa responded, nodding her understanding as she continued to wipe at the tears with the pads of her fingers, taking a long breath in order to help calm herself down. “You’re right, I’m—I’m sorry.”

“Look...” Lucius began, pursing his lip momentarily before he inhaled a deep breath and told her, “Perhaps we’re better off leaving this where it is right now. Like I said, this won’t be able to be fixed in a day. Besides, we… should know exactly what our situation is before we move forwards, as I’m sure it’ll end up changing how we approach things should it turn out that you’re actually carrying our child.”

Narcissa was a little disappointed that this was where he chose to leave things, but perhaps it was for the better. She knew it was unrealistic for one conversation to suddenly fix things between them, but she just wanted things to get better so desperately that realizing that this was a long process was kind of devastating. Still, Narcissa pursed her lips and nodded her understanding, knowing better than to push the issue. It would only be about two weeks until she would know for sure that she was pregnant – as that was the earliest wizards could tell – and until then, maybe it was better if they just left things how they were, as things had the strong possibility of changing then anyway.

“In the meantime,” Lucius began, placing a gentle hand on his wife’s knee. “Perhaps… it’d be best if you used this time to explore that other part of yourself.” Narcissa looked over at him so sharply she felt like she might have cracked something in her neck but that was ignored in favor of how _shocked_ she felt that Lucius would suggest something like that. 

“Look, I’m just saying, in two weeks time you might find that you’re pregnant, and then suddenly the life you’ve known is going to change completely,” he reasoned, knowing he would have to explain due to the look on his wife’s face. “You’ll have much less personal freedoms, and I just don’t… I don’t want to be the cause of you never experiencing that part of yourself. Because you were right; I wasn't very kind about homosexuality or bisexuality or anything back then, because I didn't understand it. And even though I don't have many kind words to say about your sister, I do understand how hard it's been for her, and it pains me now to realize it's been just as hard for you and honestly, I’m afraid that might end up being something you grow to resent me for because I didn't exactly come across as someone you could ever trust with that kind of secret.”

“…What?” Narcissa asked, her expression coloring in disbelief at her husband’s words. She would have never, in a million years, ever fathom that he would try to be supportive about this and it kind of took her off guard for a moment, unsure of how to respond. “Lucius, I… I appreciate what you’re trying to do, really I do, but… I honestly don’t think I’d feel comfortable doing something like that right now. I know that we aren’t monogamous or even really _together_ right now, but doing something like that without… without _you_ , it would feel… very strange to be me, just because of how significant it would be. Besides, you know my sister can’t find out; it’ll be the next world war if she does. I don’t want to risk hurting her just because I want to experience something; that just seems incredibly selfish, don’t you think?”

“Narcissa, it’s _your_ life; not Bellatrix’s,” Lucius reminded her, causing Narcissa to look down at her lap once more. “Don’t ever hurt yourself in place of her, or me, or anyone; that’s not healthy. Regardless though, if you’re not… comfortable with it right now, then I won’t push. It was merely a suggestion. Just know that you have my permission, should you ever want to try it someday. Within reason, of course,” he quickly added, not outright saying that there were certain people he wouldn’t allow her to sleep with, but Narcissa knew exactly who he meant regardless. “And… should it happen during the course of our relationship, I’d rather it be a sporadic thing that you didn’t hide; not something you did regularly behind my back. That is, if we do get back to a place where we want to be more or less monogamous. Right now though, you don't owe me much in the way of loyalty, considering that I'm still dating another woman.”

Her heart clenched at that, but Narcissa didn't comment. In the end, she had a feeling that should she end up pregnant, that Lucius would leave his mistress, so right now it wasn't worth it to argue.

And besides, Narcissa appreciated the sentiment; she did, as it was more she could have ever dared hope for from him, but the fact of the matter was that she had Bellatrix, and should she ever find out that she slept with another woman it would feel like an incredible betrayal. The only way Narcissa knew she could feasibly get away with it is if Lucius 'surprised’ her with a woman they could both bring to bed together, but even that was iffy. Bellatrix still wouldn't be happy, that was for sure, but at least that way it wouldn't seem like she was going out of her way to cheat on her.

“I understand,” Narcissa responded, respecting his feelings on the matter even though the reality of it was that she had been constantly doing it behind his back for the entirety of their relationship. “And I really appreciate it, Lucius. That's… far more than I would have ever expected, but I think I'd only be okay with it if you were there to experience it with me as well. I think that would be the only way I'd be comfortable, especially since I’d be afraid I wouldn’t really know what I was doing.”

And oh, what a _lie_ that was, but it had the desired effect.

Lucius smiled softly at that, glad that she was including him in that part of her life, when for a long time so much of her life was shrouded in secrecy and untruths. Narcissa figured she won a lot of points with that, which was a big reason why she said it, honestly. Well, that and her situation with Bellatrix. She knew a big problem in her and Lucius’ relationship was that he felt like she was always doing things behind his back though, and while that was still true, Narcissa knew she had to start including him in more things so that he no longer felt that way, and this was as good as a place as any to start.

They stopped conversing not long after that, figuring that that was as good of a place as any to end things. Their relationship improved dramatically after that though, and for the first time in a long time it was no longer uncomfortable to share a house with Lucius. Narcissa assumed he was still seeing his mistress though, but she tried not to think about it as she counted down the days when she could finally take a pregnancy test and know once and for all what their future held. And when that day came they decided to do it together, both of them a little anxious about the results, as they both knew it bore the chance of changing everything.

Narcissa's hands were trembling as she unwrapped the test one day in early September, remembering the last time she had done this and what the results were. Lucius hadn't been there though since the child had been Bellatrix's, and so he didn't seem entirely sure of how it even worked. “So how can you… tell with this one?” He asked, watching her closely. “I know there's a few different ones, but I'll admit I've never bothered to find out how any of them worked.”

“It's a blood test,” Narcissa answered as she sat on the couch, unwrapping the small needle and slide that it came with. “All I have to do is prick my finger, place the drop of blood on the slide, and say the spell. If I'm pregnant, the blood will turn blue. If I'm not…” she trailed off for a moment, swallowing hard before she finished, “If I’m not, nothing will happen.” Narcissa’s stomach twisted rather heavily in her gut when she said those words though, realizing suddenly how very badly she wanted this and how afraid she was that it might not happen. In all honesty, she was incredibly terrified right now.

“...Okay,” Lucius responded, pursing his lips into a tight line as he nodded his understanding of the process. He looked nervous as well, and Narcissa wished she knew what outcome he preferred, but she had been far too afraid to ask. “So let's… let's do this then.”

Narcissa nodded, grasping the needle between her fingers as she tried to force herself not to tremble. Taking a deep breath, Narcissa pressed the tip of the needle against the pad of her index finger, wincing only slightly at the pain before a drop of blood formed in place of the needle. She allowed it to drip on the slide before she wiped her hand on her robes and grabbed her wand from her inside pocket. Her hand was still shaking, and she had to rotate her wrist in order to loosen up enough so she could do this properly.

It was now or never.

“ _Conceptionem,_ ” she breathed, watching a silvery mist emit from the tip of her wand and wrap around the slide that contained her blood. Narcissa could feel her heart pounding in her throat, and her palms were beginning to sweat as she watched the mist fade, making the drop of blood visible once more.

It was red.

Narcissa felt as though her very soul had shattered inside of her as she stared at the result in disbelief, unable to really process what she was seeing with her own two eyes, because it hadn’t been what she expected at all. A shuddered sob ripped its way out of her throat as Narcissa’s fingers let go of the slide, allowing it to clatter to the ground before she covered her mouth with her hand, feeling as though the entire world was crashing down around her as her vision blurred and blood pounded in her ears.

This couldn’t be real.

“It’s… _negative?_ ” Lucius asked, his own voice colored with disbelief as he too had apparently expected the opposite result. Narcissa’s just sobbed harder, covering her entire face with her hands as she pitched forward and cried into her legs, her entire body wracked with the force of her tears. She had been _so_ sure, had been _so_ ready for once, and had… she just _wanted—_

“I… thought— I was _ov…_ ovulating when… you…” Narcissa cried, unable to fathom how this happened. She had gotten pregnant the very first time her and Lucius had had unprotected sex, and when they were trying years ago she used emergency contraceptives so religiously because some part of her had just _assumed_ that it had always taken. Perhaps that was foolish though; perhaps nothing was ever guaranteed, or perhaps this was just the universe’s way of punishing her for her sins, as Narcissa had realized that she had wanted nothing more badly than this child.

No, not this child. There _was_ no child. She wasn’t pregnant. She wasn’t… anything.

“Nar—Narcissa,” Lucius tried as he knelt down in front of her, his voice cracking in his throat as he bore witness to his wife’s devastation. He may not have known before how badly Narcissa wanted a child, but there was no mistaking her feelings on it now; she was falling apart in front of him, and just the sight of it made his own eyes well up in tears as he grasped his wife’s hands in his own, trying to coax her to look at him. “Narcissa…”

“I… wanted to be—I needed… so _badly,_ Lucius, I…” Narcissa tried, but she could barely make out full sentences through her tears. She felt like pieces of her were just chipping away from her heart, leaving her cracked and broken and so very, very devastated. She could feel the heat from her tears run lines down to her lips and the taste of salt and sadness overtook her senses as she wheezed, “Getting… _punished,_ cause I… it’s all that I—this was… last… _chance…_ ”

“No, Narcissa—Narcissa, listen to me,” Lucius tried, his tone desperate and strained as his emotions began to overwhelm him as well and a tear of his own fell down the contour of his cheek. He took his wife’s face in his hands, forcing her to face him as he told her strongly, “This _wasn’t_ your last chance, do you hear me? Darling, look at me…”

Narcissa’s gaze met his, and the expression she wore was beginning to mirror on her husband’s face as he too was faced with his own truth. “I’m going to give you a baby,” he promised, his voice unwavering and determined, as though he didn’t even have any second thoughts about promising something of that magnitude. “Are you listening to me, Narcissa? _We’re going to have a baby._ I swear to you on everything I hold dear; I will make it happen.”

“Wh—what?” Narcissa asked, stumbling over the word as she looked at Lucius like a part of her believed she must be hallucinating this conversation. Tears were still rolling down her cheeks, but they were ignored in favor of trying to make sense about what the hell was happening right now. “But… we’re—I… I don’t…?”

“…I wanted you to be pregnant,” Lucius admitted in a soft voice as he held her gaze, and the way that he said that, it seemed as though this was the first time he was even admitting that to himself, let alone another person. “I know we’re in a shit place, and I know everything’s a mess, but I wanted you to be pregnant so _bloody_ badly, Narcissa, you have no idea…”

“You… you did?” Narcissa asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she looked at him in surprise, her chest beginning to burn hot with the emotion that elicited within her. Lucius just smiled softly at her through, his thumbs brushing the tears from underneath her eyes.

“When are you ovulating next?” he asked her, causing Narcissa’s eyes to widen in surprise that he wasn’t talking about having a baby soon, when things might be better between them, or later, when the war has finally ended, but _now._ Lucius wanted to have a baby _now._ Narcissa choked up again, her hand briefly coming over her mouth as she looked at him with unabashed emotion in her eyes.

“You… _now?_ ” she breathed, hardly able to believe that this was real. Things between them had been broken between them for so long now, and despite the both of them finally deciding that it was perhaps time to begin mending their relationship again, Narcissa would have never had fathomed that they would come to this decision together. An accidental pregnancy was one thing, but this would… this would be _planned_ and…

“I want to be a father,” Lucius told her, his voice tightening in emotion around the last word, like he was just realizing the magnitude of that. He took Narcissa’s hand in his own, weaving their fingers together before he held their clasps hands against his chest. “And I have no doubt in my mind that you’re ready to be a mother. Narcissa, you… just the mere _possibility_ of being pregnant made you more emotionally mature than I have ever seen you. The way you handled that conversation that we had a couple weeks ago honestly shocked me, because it was so unlike anything I had grown to expect from you.”

“But it was _good_ ,” Lucius told her strongly, his hand squeezing her own as he looked into his wife’s eyes. “And it was _honest,_ and I think… I think that it’s time for us. Maybe that’s why I… why I did it before. I can’t explain it, and I know that things between us still aren’t anywhere near where they should be, but… something about this feels right, doesn’t? I feel like it’s now, Narcissa. Our time is now. It has to be.” 

He was so sure, he was so unafraid and _eager_ that it took the blonde’s breath away, wondering how Lucius could know with such certainty that this was right; that this was what they were meant to do.

Narcissa choked up again as Lucius’ free hand came up to brush a piece of blonde hair away from her eyes, his touch delicate and caring. “Be the mother of my child, Narcissa?” he asked, almost as though he were proposing to her all over again, and the sheer emotion that erupted inside of Narcissa made her sob with joy, with hope.

“Yes,” she breathed, nodding erratically as more tears spilled from her eyes, and Lucius smiled so broadly at her that she couldn’t bear it anymore and she grasped her face in her hands, bringing him in for a fierce kiss before she broke briefly to whisper once more against his lips, “ _Yes…_ a million, billion times yes…”

Because nothing, _nothing_ would make her happier. This was what she was meant for. This was what she was meant to become. This was what Narcissa had wanted her entire life, and she was finally going to get it.

_She was finally going to get it._

**TBC..**


	32. XXXII. Autumn, 1979

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it isn't apparent, I've slowed updates to once a month seeing as I lost my muse and hadn't written anything in over two months. I'm writing a little bit again but until I get far enough ahead, once a month will have to suffice for now so at least I can keep things a little big regular. Sorry!

**CHAPTER THIRTY TWO  
Autumn, 1979**

“...So you're not pregnant,” Bellatrix said slowly, looking at her sister's curled up form on the blonde's bed. Narcissa, who was hugging a pillow close to her body, nodded that that was correct. “But, what? You guys are going to start trying _regardless?_ ”

Bellatrix said that like she couldn't fathom how in the hell they had come to that decision considering that their marriage wasn't exactly in the best place, yet Narcissa couldn't help hiding her wide smile at that behind the pillow as she nodded once more. Bellatrix looked a little exasperated and annoyed by how happy that made her sister, but she also knew how much having a child meant to Narcissa then and so she didn't express that she had any kind of feelings of displeasure about it. Instead she just exhaled a long breath and plopped down on the bed next to her.

But then she immediately shot straight back up as she realized in horror, “Christ, you probably fucked on this bed already, haven't you? _Ugh._ ”

Narcissa rolled her eyes. “Dobby’s changed the sheets since last night, _thank you._ ” Because Bellatrix had been right; after Lucius and she had decided to start trying, the emotion they both felt over having come to that kind of major life decision did cause them to fall into bed with one another again. It was perhaps more about them in that moment than it was about trying to conceive, but they didn’t use protection either for obvious reasons.

Still, the fact that they did that out of pure emotion rather than merely for conception did raise some very important questions as to the status of their relationship, but at the moment that could wait. Right now, Narcissa was more focused on how Bellatrix felt about all of this.

“Whatever, just do me a favor and make sure you always shower before you sleep with me during what I can only assume will be a baby fucking marathon until you're actually pregnant, because if I get aftertaste of Lucius-fucking-Malfoy, I may just sodding hurl.”

Narcissa shot her a look like she was being utterly ridiculous, because of _course_ she always made sure to shower between being with her two lovers; that wouldn't be anything new. Still, that look ended up fading as Narcissa pursed her lips a little nervously as she looked up at her sister and asked, “So you're not… mad?” She was afraid Bellatrix might not have taken too kindly to the news considering what that meant she’d be doing on a near-constant basis, as she was sure that even when she was in a good relationship with Lucius that Bellatrix liked to pretend that they didn't sleep together very often; at the very least just to save her own sanity.

“Well if you'd like my honest opinion I'd rather you turkey baster that shit to achieve the screaming infant you want so bloody badly, but… no,” Bellatrix responded, finally sitting back down on the bed next to her sister now that she wasn't of the mindset that she was going to be sitting in sexual excrements. “I know how much this sodding means to you and while I might not personally understand it, if this shit makes you happy then I'm glad you're trying to get pregnant, Cissy; even though I'm sure this is gonna fuck up our sex life for a little while which, I won't lie, _immensely_ displeases me.”

Narcissa smirked a little, because of _course_ that would be what concerned Bellatrix the most. Hoisting herself up a little from the bed, Narcissa crawled over to her sister a short ways until she could press a long, lingering kiss against her lips. “I promise I’ll always have time for you, Bella; for _whatever_ little devious acts you’ll demand of me in the future,” Narcissa breathed with a wicked smile, her promise being etched against the corner of her sister’s mouth as she gently kissed her once more. 

Bellatrix just rolled her eyes at that though, moving her lips away from her so she could counter, “Please. You and I both know that if we’re in bed together and your little shit-factory started screaming bloody murder that you’d leave me high and dry without a second thought to my orgasm; don’t pretend otherwise.”

Narcissa shot her a look like she had to be kidding her with that, because if Bellatrix honestly believed it should be any different then she obviously had some kind of mental defect. Children _always_ came first, but that certainly didn’t mean that it would completely destroy their sex life either. “Oh, don’t be dramatic,” Narcissa lightly chided, looking a little exasperated by her as she sat back on her heels. “You know I’d always come back to finish you off, so perhaps you should use this time to learn how to exercise a little patience.”

“That word’s not in my dictionary,” Bellatrix dismissed, which was probably very true, but still. Good things come to those who wait… or so the saying went, anyway. Not that Narcissa knew though; she was about as patient as Bellatrix when it came to many things in her life, but she was trying to change that. Now she hoped her sister would as well.

“Hence why I used the word _‘learn’,_ ” Narcissa stressed, like Bellatrix was moronic for not knowing the difference. Bellatrix, however, just rolled her eyes at her in response, and Narcissa exhaled a short, exasperated breath. “Stop being difficult,” she lightly accused as she slid a little closer to her, nestling herself against her sister’s side as she placed a hand on Bellatrix’s thigh. Pressing her lips gently against Bellatrix’s cheek, she breathed, “You and I both know I didn’t just invite you over to tell you my news, so instead of worrying about how our sex life is going to change after I have a child, perhaps we should just enjoy what time we have now…”

Narcissa’s lips covered Bellatrix’s jawline then, her teeth gently nipping at her sister’s skin and causing Bellatrix to exhale a small, hard breath as she stayed defiantly still. Narcissa didn’t care though and she dipped her head further down, covering the sensitive skin behind the other woman’s ear and triggering Bellatrix’s eyes to fall shut for a moment. “…You’re only doing this because you feel sodding _guilty_ that you’re going to be fucking that prat on a near-constant basis now,” she accused, still purposely physically unresponsive to the blonde’s attempt of seduction.

“I’m doing this because I _love_ you,” Narcissa corrected, even though on some level they both knew that Bellatrix was correct. In the end, she didn’t want Bellatrix to feel slighted due to how often she’d be having sex with her husband. She wanted her sister to still feel like she had a place in her life.

Gently brushing a curl behind Bellatrix’s ear, Narcissa kissed her jawline before softly brushing her nose against the brunette’s cheek and whispering, “I’m doing this because no matter how many times I may have sex, my sexual appetite has never been truly sated until I had you again. The way you touch me is so much different than how he does, Bella…”

“Better, you mean.”

Narcissa tried not to roll her eyes at that. “ _Different,_ ” she stressed, nipping a little at her sister’s ear. “But I’m assuming you understand the point I’m trying to make.”

“Yes, although I wish you didn’t feel like you have to convince me that I still hold worth during all of this,” Bellatrix responding, sounding slightly annoyed, which was in no way Narcissa’s goal in all of this. “I’m not bloody worried that you’re going to be too sexed out to sleep with me anymore or something. I know you always have need of me; I’m not sodding stupid. Nor am I jealous, if _that’s_ what you’re worried about. I already gave you a baby once, and believe me when I tell you that it gives me _immense_ satisfaction to know that I hold all of the firsts in your life and all Lucius gets is sloppy seconds, so stop emotionally coddling me. I don’t fucking care.”

Right. Of course not.

Narcissa pursed her lips in displeasure, not particularly enjoying how Bellatrix had worded that. She might be right that most if not all of the ‘firsts’ in her life were her sister’s, but that didn’t mean that what she shared with Lucius didn’t mean anything just because they happened after Bellatrix. Still, Narcissa didn’t want to argue about it because if she started defending Lucius’ position in her life it would inevitably lead to an argument. Besides, it wasn’t as though she really knew nor understood what position her husband held in her life right now anyway; everything was far too confusing at the moment.

Narcissa rested her chin on her sister’s shoulder, looking up at her as she exhaled a small, defeated breath. “So what?” she questioned, realizing that Bellatrix didn’t seem to be in the mood for what she had planned. That was probably her own fault though; she should have known Bellatrix would classify this as some form of pity sex, even though that wasn’t Narcissa’s intentions at all. “You’re not interested in what I’m offering then?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, her eyes taking in the expression of her sister’s profile. Her brow furrowed a little, her hand resting atop her sister’s that lay in her lap. “Then what’s wrong?” she asked softly, not liking the look on Bellatrix’s face.

The brunette pulled her hand away. “Nothing.”

“ _Bella._ ”

Bellatrix momentarily chewed on the inside of her cheek as she stared at the far wall, hesitating in her answer. “I don’t know,” she finally responded, sounding a little irritated with herself for daring to have emotions. “I just feel… strange.” Narcissa’s brow furrowed at that, realizing that her sister was having trouble articulating her emotions, which probably meant this wasn’t something Bellatrix had felt very often, if ever.

“Strange how?”

Bellatrix was silent for a moment, her brows scrunched together as she no doubt tried to identify and understand whatever feeling was currently consuming her. “Like…” she tried, her hand beginning to make a circular motion as though she were trying to coax herself to speak. She shook her head for a moment before exhaling a hard breath. It only took a moment though as it seemed to come to her, and her hand came down heavily on her thigh as she told her, “It feels as though something’s changed. I don’t like it; it doesn’t feel good.”

“Of course something’s changed, Bella; but not between us,” Narcissa responded, grasping onto her sister’s hand and gently squeezing. She didn’t want Bellatrix to feel like her having a child would be the end of them, because that couldn’t be further from the truth. “ _Never_ between us. You know that you’ll always have a place in my life; you’ve been the center of my universe for so long that living without you could never be an option.” 

Narcissa touched her face then, gently encouraging her sister to finally turn and look at her. “You’re a fixture, Bella,” she breathed, giving Bellatrix a soft smile as she traced her jawline with the pads of her fingers. “You’re forever.”

“…But I won’t be first,” Bellatrix responded softly as her gaze caught her sister’s, causing Narcissa’s brow to furrow.

“What do you mean?” she asked, not understanding what Bellatrix meant by that. “You just said yourself that you love that you have _all_ my firsts—”

“No,” Bellatrix interrupted, finally understanding what it was that she was feeling. “Not that I won’t have your firsts, Cissy; that I won’t be _your_ first. I won’t come first. I don’t even know if I’ll come second, because I know what you’re going to have to do to get him back. I’m not an idiot, and I know you’ll do damn near bloody anything so you can get that family you’ve always dreamed of. I don’t particularly fit into that picture, do I?”

“Bella, stop it,” Narcissa softly begged, not liking where this was going. “The day I give you up will be the day that I die; until then, you will _always_ fit into my picture. Just because I always craved a traditional family, doesn’t mean that I don’t love how _un_ traditional our relationship has always been.”

Understatement. She _lived_ for how untraditional their relationship was, because she felt like on some level it defined her. Perhaps not as anything _good,_ but Narcissa felt as though it was still such a large part of who she was, and that was important to her. _Bellatrix_ was important to her. 

“And if the world didn’t condemn it and you had one _shred_ of actual maternal instinct inside of you, you know that I would have chosen a long time ago to have a family with you,” Narcissa continued, needing Bellatrix to understand that in a different life, in a different world, things could have gone another way. “I love Lucius, I won’t deny that, but you and I both know that at the end of the day, I would have never been open to another option if we were able to live our lives together openly and publicly. I would have married you, Bella. I _wanted_ to marry you. God, I _still_ want to marry you…”

Bellatrix’s eyes fell closed as those words and she turned her head away from her, noticeably trying to swallow down whatever emotion that stirred inside of her. She wasn’t successful however, and when she opened her eyes again, Narcissa noticed they were swimming with tears. It hurt in a way that Narcissa couldn’t bear, and her own eyes began to mist over as she grasped for her sister’s hand again, trying to get her attention.

“Bella…” she tried, and Narcissa didn’t know why she said it, or where it even came from because it probably made zero sense, but something inside of her called to Bellatrix desperately as she proposed, “Bella, marry me…” as though it were something normal, something that could actually be done. 

“—What?” Bellatrix responded, the shock and disbelief at least forcing her to finally look back at her sister. Her eyes were reddened and bloodshot from how much effort she was inwardly putting towards not allowing herself to feel any kind of emotional weakness, and Narcissa’s heart ached. Bellatrix just scoffed though, looking at Narcissa like she was stupid for saying something like that as she wiped at her tear-stained cheeks and responded, “Don’t be daft. You know we can’t, so proposing to me is just fucking stupid, Cissy. It doesn’t make me feel special or anything. If anything, it’s just pissing me off.”

“Fuck Christianity,” Narcissa told her strongly. “Fuck their rules; fuck their one marriage, one man, one woman _bullshit_ , and fuck the God they worship because if he truly exists than he’s already condemned us anyway,” she told her, suddenly very much needing to validate her relationship with her sister in some way that felt real and permanent. She wanted Bellatrix to always feel like she had a place with her, a real _tie_ to her, as it seemed the fact that they were already bound by blood didn’t seem to comfort her anymore. “ _Marry_ me, Bella. I know it won’t be legal, and I know it’ll probably be nothing more than some symbolic bullshit, but I want to be your wife, Bellatrix. It’s all I’ve wanted ever since I was a little girl.”

“You already _are_ someone’s wife, you moron,” Bellatrix snapped, but it didn’t have much bite to it. Instead she sounded so very, very sad. “I’m not playing some stupid, dress up bullshit with you like it would actually be real, because it _wouldn’t_ be. Even if we kidnapped some sodding Soulbinder and forced him to do it, in the end it’d still be nothing more than some fucking _game_ , and it’s bloody cruel. So fuck off with your bullshit proposal, Narcissa. It’s not romantic. It’s not bloody anything.”

Well, that hurt more than Narcissa expected it would. 

Still, she refused to be deterred. Getting off of the bed, Narcissa moved quickly over to her vanity, pulling open a drawer and grabbing something inside. “What the bloody hell are you—?” Bellatrix tried to ask, sounding so terribly exasperated by her, but Narcissa wasn’t listening. A pair of scissors she sometimes used to trim her own hair was gripped tightly in her right hand as she held out her left, and without any sense of forethought Narcissa suddenly used the sharp edge to slice a deep line across her palm, hissing loudly at the pain of it.

“Jesus Christ, you don’t have to fucking hurt yourself like some kind of mental patient just because I—!” Bellatrix tried, but she didn’t have a chance to finish. Narcissa was over to her again in a flash, grabbing her sister’s wrist in her hand before she did the very same thing to her. Unlike her though, Bellatrix barely even registered the pain of it, yet she still jerked away in confusion before Narcissa grasped her hand, allowing the blood from their palms to mix as she held her firmly, her gaze boring into her sister’s. 

“Let it scar,” Narcissa begged softly, needing Bellatrix to understand that this wasn’t just some kind of gesture to make her sister feel like she mattered, or that she’d always be a part of her. Narcissa needed this just as much as she did. “Let it scar, and so will I.”

Bellatrix was silent for a moment, at least understanding what Narcissa was trying to do. Wetting her bottom lip, Bellatrix looked down at their clasped hands before retraining her eyes on her. “A ring would have been prettier,” she deadpanned, which made Narcissa smirk a little.

“You said no to the ring.”

“Neither of us would have been able to wear one anyway,” Bellatrix reasoned, which was true. And even though she had said no to a symbolic marriage, even though Bellatrix claimed it would mean nothing, the look on her face right then proved that this _did_ mean something. Perhaps she had never expected it to, but it did, and Narcissa watched her sister swallow hard before she softly said, “I love you for this, for what you’re trying to do, Cissy, but you’re an idiot. How will you explain us having matching scars to your husband?”

“That’s my problem, not yours,” Narcissa told her, not wanting Bellatrix to concern herself over it. Tightening her grasp on their linked hands, Narcissa kept eye contact with the woman that she loved and she begged, “ _Promise_ me, Bella. Promise me you won’t heal it.”

Bellatrix hesitated for a moment, pursing her lips in thought before she finally looked back down at their hands and silently nodded her agreement. Narcissa smiled, leaning down to place a kiss on the back of her sister’s hand before her lips went upwards to capture Bellatrix’s. The other woman’s eyes fell closed as she kissed her back softly, her grip almost crushing as she held onto the hand that now held a promise within. 

And while it was something meaningful and important and needed, that didn’t mean that it came without consequences. It took all of ten minutes after Lucius had come home to notice the cut on her hand, which he instantly grabbed out of concern and pulled it towards him as he asked, “Christ, Narcissa; what _happened?_ Why haven’t you healed this yet? It looks bloody awful.”

Narcissa thought it looked beautiful, but also knew better than to beg to differ on the matter. Instead she pulled her hand away from Lucius, hiding it a little self-consciously behind her back as she told him, “Believe me, it’s probably better for your sanity if I don’t explain.” Lucius’ brow rose at that, but Narcissa rushed onwards with, “And I know that that is no way the answer you wanted to hear, but considering I’m trying to be honest with you now, believe me when I tell you that you will not like the answer should you really want to know what it is and why it’s still there.”

Lucius looked a little taken aback by the bluntness of that, as it clearly wasn’t what he expected in the slightest. But Narcissa had promised both herself and him that she would try to be more honest, as it would no doubt be the only way to truly save their relationship. Unfortunately, honesty tended to get her into trouble; even the watered-down versions that she gave to Lucius. Therefore, she figured if she maybe just told Lucius to drop it so he didn’t get upset over it, then he would.

It did not happen that way though.

“Narcissa,” Lucius responded flatly, his face darkening at the realization that he wasn’t about to like the direction of this conversation. “What the hell _is_ that?”

Damnit.

Narcissa, who had turned away from him and tried to leave the room, stopped halfway to her destination and exhaled a long breath as she briefly closed her eyes, mentally preparing herself for the backlash this could cause. “It’s a promise,” she admitted softly, stalling for a moment before she knew she’d have to turn around and actually face him again. “To… to my sister.”

A pregnant pause followed that revelation, until Lucius finally exhaled a small, exasperated scoff. “Of bloody course it is. Tell me, do either of you know how to communicate with one another _without_ dramatic fucking gestures? You sliced your bloody _hand_ open, Narcissa; you have now gotten so sodding warped that you are actively hurting yourself to please her. Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?”

“I sliced hers open as well,” Narcissa defended as she whipped around to face him, not wanting him to think she was all ‘I bleed for you’ or whatever towards her sister like it was some kind of sacrifice. It was a mutual promise, which was slightly healthier. “I wanted her and I to have matching scars so she would always feel like she was a part of me, and I of her. She was afraid having a child with you was going to… that it was going to cause me to drift away from her. It pained me that she felt that way, especially since she seemed willing to accept the consequences of it because she knew how much having a baby meant to me, and so I… I admittedly may have been a little reckless and did this without entirely thinking it through, but I don’t regret it. She needed it. _I_ needed it.”

Lucius pinched the bridge of his nose, silent for a long moment as he processed that. He honestly seemed more exasperated by it than angry though, which meant he was probably starting to view her attachment to Bellatrix as some kind of sickness that she couldn’t control. Maybe it was just easier for him that way now that Narcissa was being fairly honest about it all, or perhaps it really was a sickness that she had had for a long time now. Either way though, Narcissa was glad that he didn’t automatically start screaming at her. 

“Are you still seeing a Soul Mender?” he finally asked, looking back up at her. Narcissa pursed her lips momentarily.

“I see a Healer every month for med review and adjustments.”

Lucius shot her a look like she should know better than to skirt around the question. Healers only worked with the chemical imbalance of her disorder, and not the underlying emotional issues. “Not what I asked.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, finally admitting. “…No. I thought I was stable enough to discontinue the weekly sessions about six months ago.” And she hated saying that, because she knew exactly what Lucius was going to respond with.

“Does _that_ look like stability to you?” Lucius exclaimed, gesturing erratically at Narcissa’s hand. The woman’s expression soured. “Look, just… please go back,” Lucius requested, trying to not get into an argument about the specifics of what happened and why. Instead, he just wanted her to get help so that perhaps something like that wouldn’t happen again, which was… a healthier response, surely, but still not something Narcissa wanted to do. “Please just go back and try working on… _this_ whole situation,” he finished, haplessly waving his hand towards Narcissa’s cut, or perhaps just her entire being. Either way.

“I can’t speak about my relationship with Bellatrix to a Soul Mender, Lucius; you _know_ this, so I don’t know what kind of help you think it’ll be.”

“Yes, you _can,_ ” Lucius stressed, needing her to realize that her embarrassment wasn’t a good enough reason anymore. “Soul Menders are bound by physician-patient privilege; unless you’re a danger to yourself or others, which this situation does not fall under, they cannot tell anyone your secrets unless they want to lose their bloody job. I understand you’re ashamed by it and fear the judgement of a third party, but if you want us to rebuild our relationship, you know you’re going to have to get help for your attachment to Bellatrix. This is how you do that.”

Narcissa’s eyes began to well up with tears at that, but it wasn’t because she was angry or sad, but because she was afraid of how terribly embarrassing that was going to be for her. Her closed hand went to her mouth for a moment before she released her fist and pressed two fingers along the bridge of her nose, trying to control her emotions because she didn’t want to _cry_ over this like some kind of child. Still, the prospect of doing something like this frightened her.

“Narcissa…” Lucius softly tried, realizing that she was having a hard time with this. He sounded sympathetic, but that certainly didn’t mean that his decision was going to be swayed either.

“They’re… going to look at me like I’m a _freak,_ ” Narcissa ground out, still desperately trying to control her emotions. Her rib cage felt as though it was compressing in her chest, and she could just imagine the look on the Soul Mender’s face. “They’ll think I’m disgusting and— _unnatural,_ and…”

“Narcissa, it’s _Bellatrix_ who’s the unnatural one; you’re just…” Lucius tried, but it seemed he didn’t know what the word for her would be, so he just fell silent. 

“You know what I am,” Narcissa responded softly, her tone distressed as she blinked back humiliated tears. “Don’t pretend it’s just her. You know now that it’s not.”

Lucius pursed his lips at that, knowing she was right. He probably even knew that Narcissa wasn’t being entirely honest with the extent of her feelings for her sister, but at least he still believed that she wasn’t willing to cross a line just yet. “Well at least you don’t want to sleep with her,” he tried, still attempting to make her feel better about the situation. “That makes you slightly less fucked up, at the very least.”

Narcissa scoffed at that, but her cheeks still reddened in humiliation as she folded her arms over her chest.

“Narcissa, you just… you have an infatuation,” Lucius tried to explain, like he honestly thought this was something that could be fixed with medication and therapy. “You had a fucked up childhood and it scarred you, and because Bellatrix used to save you from the abuse your parents dealt you, somewhere in your mind you must associate her with a feeling of safety and love. I get that, I do. But this is unhealthy, and what’s more is that you know that now. We’re about to start a family, and this isn’t going to be something that you’ll be able to focus on once we have a baby because you’ll be too caught up with other concerns. So please, just go. Please just sodding _try,_ because it’s seriously not fucking healthy to have romantic idealizations of your own bloody sibling.”

Narcissa’s head snapped towards him, quick to defend, “I do _not_ have—”

“Narcissa, you love that she’s in love with you,” Lucius told her, like she was being foolish for denying this after what she had already admitted. “That’s romantic. It might be selfish as hell and completely one-sided, but you want it to continue regardless and I’m guessing the reason _why_ is because you enjoy how it makes you feel. Despite you not returning your sister’s feelings for you to the same extent, I’m still willing to bet that you get the same feeling when she does something romantic for you as when _I_ do, because giving and receiving love do not necessarily come hand in hand. You’re just addicted to the feeling of being desired, Narcissa; that’s all it is.”

Narcissa bit the inside of her cheek, but did not contradict him. In the end, it would be pointless to deny what he already knew. Besides, she wanted to fix their relationship; she wanted them to have a real family, and if this was how she was going to achieve that, then perhaps she should just try. “Fine, I’ll bloody go,” she relented, although did not sound happy about it in the slightest. “But not until I’m pregnant.”

Lucius looked exasperated by that. “Narcissa, our future baby isn’t a _bargaining chip—_ ”

“I bloody well know that, but if you want me to humiliate myself then I need something _good_ to look forward to, alright?” Narcissa responded, needing this. “I need to feel like I’m doing this for a reason, that I’m doing this for our future family, because you and I both know that it’ll be a good motivator for me. This is hard for me, Lucius; please understand that. I’m so bloody terrified that I won’t be able to find an acceptable balance and that it’ll destroy whatever’s left of us and our family, because you know I’ll never be able to cut her out of my life. I can’t. I won’t.”

Because she wasn’t going to leave her. No matter what came of this kind of therapy, Narcissa knew ending her romantic relationship with Bellatrix wasn’t an option. So in the end, she knew she just needed to find a way to start prioritizing Lucius and the family that they were about to start over her sister, while still keeping Bellatrix feeling loved and happy. She didn’t know how she was going to do that, and she also doubted a bloody Soul Mender would be able to help with it either. Their relationship was most certainly going to be condemned and deemed unhealthy just because they were sisters, and maybe it _was_ unhealthy, but Narcissa didn’t believe it was because of that. Therefore, she was merely trying to figure out how to have a _healthy_ relationship with Bellatrix while keeping her romantic and sexual one with her intact, and that seemed… impossible, because the Soul Mender would certainly tell her that it would never exist solely because of the blood that ran through their veins.

It was honestly stressing her out.

“All I’m asking is that you try,” Lucius responded, not wanting her to feel too pressured, which was so… it was _madness,_ wasn’t it? Who even were they now? It was like they might actually be something resembling adults now, and it was so bizarre. Deciding to start a family seemed to trigger something in both of them, and suddenly their relationship became so much healthier than it had in the past.

Narcissa exhaled a small sigh before pursing her lips and slumping against the wall. “This is so strange,” she finally said, her voice soft as she looked over at her husband. “I am honestly so relieved and grateful that you don’t condemn me for my… _unorthodox_ relationship with Bellatrix, but it just seems so surreal because I never thought we’d get to this place. I thought I’d have to lie to you for the rest of my life.”

And, technically, she still was, but now it was more about minor details. Lucius certainly knew by now that she was at least a little in love with Bellatrix, even though she never said the actual words. He probably thought it wasn’t ‘real’ love though because as far as he knew they weren’t together in any kind of romantic sense, but he definitely knew that she was enraptured by the whole ordeal. Narcissa had spent so much of her life denying it that to finally admit it actually felt a little freeing, despite it also being rather terrifying; because she loved Lucius, she did, and she hated having to hide things from him. If she had her way, Lucius would know about and accept her true relationship with Bellatrix, but she also knew that this was about as close as she was going to get, and so she did not hesitate to take it.

“Yes, well... for one, it did help that you finally stopped lying to me,” Lucius responded, which caused Narcissa to look down at her shoes, ashamed that it had taken her this long. “But… in the end, I think there just came a point where I was able to look at the whole picture instead of focusing on the details. I know you have a mental illness, and I know that you had grown up in an abusive household. I can’t blame you for how you dealt with that, because I’m sure you handled it the only way you knew how. And as much as I want to blame Bellatrix and believe that she took advantage of you and warped your mind, she _also_ had a mental illness at one point, and grew up in the same bloody house you did. It’d be hypocritical for me to condemn her and yet be understanding with you, even though I do still think that after the Dark Lord mended her mind that it should have made her realize that her relationship with you was _terribly_ abnormal, but I digress.”

Narcissa winced at that, remembering quite vividly what happened once Bellatrix had come home from the hospital, but the honest response fell from her lips regardless. “…It did.” Lucius’ brow rose at that as he suddenly stood up a little straighter.

“Wait, what?”

Goddamnit. _Honesty._

“She, um… when she came back from the hospital, she told me that she started to feel… _guilty_ about—about how she felt about me,” Narcissa admitted, leaving out the part that what Bellatrix felt most guilty about was that they were in an actual romantic and sexual relationship. “She felt like it was screwing me up, and maybe it was, but I _wanted_ to be screwed up, and her… her _telling_ me that, and then kicking me out of her bloody house so we could have ‘space’ from one another, it made me feel so terribly abandoned, which I’m sure you know by now I don’t cope well with.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Lucius exhaled, realizing what it was that Narcissa was saying; that Bellatrix could have maybe found some normalcy and gotten better, but that Narcissa had prevented it.

“ _I_ did this,” Narcissa whispered guiltily, because she had robbed her sister of her chance at a normal life, all because she was selfish. And while she loved her relationship with her sister, and was certain Bellatrix was happy with it _now,_ in the end the fact still remained that the only reason they were still in this cycle together was because Narcissa couldn’t stomach going through it alone. “I began starving myself again to the point where Bellatrix couldn’t bear not seeing me get help anymore, and so I—I told her I would after you and I got married, so long as she… she loved and supported me like she used to, because having that would be the only way I could get better. I needed _her_ as motivation, and she just… she just wanted me to get better, Lucius. It was my fault, I’m sorry. She tried so hard to close that door and yet I forced it open and practically pulled her through.”

In reality, Bellatrix had bargained that they would be together again should she finally get help, but that was close enough to the truth. Narcissa had still pushed, had still purposely spiraled to get her sister’s bloody attention, and all because she needed her. Because she didn’t know how to live without her. Bellatrix could have had a chance, but Narcissa had stolen that from her, and the worst part was that she didn’t regret it at all. Her relationship with Bellatrix was still one of the most honest, intense, beautiful catastrophes that she had ever known, and she _lived_ for it.

But then again, that was probably the problem.

Lucius exhaled a long breath at that, realizing, “…This really isn’t as one-sided as I always hoped it was, is it?”

Narcissa didn’t outright answer that, but mostly because she didn’t want to lie. “I’ll handle it,” she promised, knowing that was the best she could do. “I want us to have a healthy relationship so we don’t end up raising a child in a fucked up household, and I know my issues with Bellatrix is a deterrent for that. I know that this is… a lot to process, but I’m just trying—you wanted honesty, so that’s what you’re getting. You’re probably regretting asking for that now though.”

“No, I…” Lucius began before he tapered off, momentarily pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s just… it’d be so much _easier_ to bloody walk away from you, Narcissa; to wash my hands of all of this and just start over, but I can’t. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s love, maybe it’s duty, or maybe it’s something else; maybe it’s just this sodding fantasy I’ve had in my head since I was fifteen years old of me, you, and a child, and I want so fucking badly to make it real that I’m willing to deal with the rest of the bullshit. Maybe it’s a combination of all three. Or, hell, maybe I just finally learned some sodding responsibility in my life, because I promised to love you in sickness and in health, and yet I ran from your sickness, and I’m sorry for that.”

“ _Lying_ isn’t a sickness, Lucius,” Narcissa reminded him softly, unable to meet his gaze due to the shame she felt over that. 

“No, but what you constantly lied _about_ was a byproduct of it,” Lucius countered. “Regardless, we were both to blame for different reasons. In the end, we were both being petty and childish and to be honest, bloody fucking selfish. We’re supposed to be in a marriage; and while I know that doesn’t mean much to some people in our society, it had meant something to us. We were supposed to love and support and be honest with one another, and yet we weren’t. Maybe we were both under the impression that it would be easy, and couldn’t handle it when it wasn’t. I don’t know. But I think now we’ve both realized that we’re willing to put in the work in order to have that life we’ve always dreamed of, and that’s made all the difference. So all this stuff about Bellatrix… it’s fucked up, I won’t deny that I think that. I also won’t deny that it even makes me terribly uncomfortable, but I’m trying to look at the bigger picture here, and it isn’t… it isn’t _unfixable._ It isn’t something that we can’t work through, and so I’m choosing to be optimistic for a change, because I want this to work.”

Narcissa nodded, understanding where he was coming from, because she felt the same. It was time to put aside childish things and move forward as adults who love one another, because if they didn’t then they would never get the life that they had always dreamed of having together. But when Narcissa opened her mouth to respond to that, it seemed Lucius wasn’t done.

“…I ended things with Victoria.”

Narcissa blinked, not expecting that. Which was probably stupid, considering everything that Lucius had just said to her, but she had just assumed he’d keep it on with her until she got pregnant, or actually birthed their child. She didn’t know why she believed that, but maybe it was just because it would have been in _her_ nature to try to get away with something as long as she feasibly could. Therefore she was so surprised that all she could do for a moment was stare at him and utter, “…Oh.” But then it seemed to process a little better, realizing that Lucius was really choosing _her_ and not just the baby that they both wanted, and her eyes noticeably brightened. “ _Oh._ ”

The corners of Lucius’ lips twitched into a small smile and he approached her, crossing the short distance between them until he stood just inches in front of her. “I remember the first time I saw you,” he told her softly, his fingers gently tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “I remember seeing you on the train your first year, and thinking that I had never seen a more beautiful girl in all my life. I could hardly believe that you were real, but then I realized you were related to Bellatrix and I remember thinking of _course_ you were, because nothing that perfect came without something horrible attached to balance it.”

Narcissa shot him a look for that, but also knew she couldn’t blame him; Bellatrix and him were rivals long before she was even in the picture, and it was so very long ago anyway. 

“And I’ll admit it intimidated me,” Lucius continued, still idly playing with his wife’s hair. “It’s why it took me so long to speak to you, and then of course once I had I realized you were more than just your beauty, and the first thing I thought was… _‘her.’_ You, Narcissa, were my perfect ideal, and while many things changed for me over the course of adolescence, that never did. I wanted you so badly that of course I went about it all bloody wrong at first, seeking to claim you instead of earn you. Girls were always so… they were so _easy_ for me to get; I lost my virginity at a very young age and had this terrible arrogance that caused me to believe that everyone should fall all over themselves to be with me, because in my mind I was one of the better pureblooded suitors our age.”

“Well, you _were,_ ” Narcissa admitted softly, before smirking lightly and finishing, “Your unattractive arrogance aside, of course.”

“And yet regardless of that, you still made me work for it,” Lucius reminded her, needing her to understand how much that meant to him. “You made me _earn_ my life with you, and it’s been one of the things I’ve been the most grateful for, because it both humbled me and made me able to form a real, _beautiful_ fucking connection with another human being instead of living the superficial life I was practically raised for. I wanted you as a trophy wife, but instead I got someone to share my life with, Narcissa. I got something that I didn’t think existed for people like you and me, and it was _work._ It was work and it was _worth_ it, but the problem was that you and I both were of the mindset that at some point it’d all just be easy because it was _right_ and seemingly meant to be, but the world isn’t like that. A marriage is continuous work, and I truly am sorry that I didn’t realize that until now. I’m sorry that I let us drift so far apart.”

“I’m sorry too,” Narcissa breathed, looking up at the man that she loved. “I’m sorry that I was so selfish. I’m sorry so much of our relationship was filled with my lies. You were the prince I always wanted; the total embodiment of what I had always wanted in a husband, and I took you for granted. I shouldn’t have. You’ve always been nothing but good to me, and I…” Narcissa’s brow etched in distress, her eyes searching his for a moment before she just whispered. “I’m just sorry, Lucius. I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know,” he breathed, his hand coming up to cup his wife’s cheek in his hand, his thumb gently dusking over her bottom lip momentarily before he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. Narcissa’s eyes fell closed, her fingers fisting in the fabric of his robes as she pulled herself towards him desperately, this intense heat erupting in her chest as she realized that maybe she might still be able to have her perfect life even with her many imperfections; that maybe she didn’t have to hide who she was after all. 

They made love that night, and every night thereafter for almost three weeks until Narcissa couldn’t bear not checking to see if it had amounted to anything yet. Lucius told her to have patience because he didn’t want to see her disappointed anymore, but Narcissa convinced herself that even should she not be pregnant this time that she wouldn’t get upset about it, as it wasn’t her last chance by any means, and that they were going to keep trying.

She didn’t tell Lucius that she was checking just in case the test ended up being negative, and while her husband was getting ready for work one morning she went into the bathroom by herself with the test, mentally preparing herself for it to be negative just in case. Sitting on the toilet, Narcissa quickly unwrapped the package, getting out the needle and slide. She didn’t hesitate to prick her finger and allow a drop of blood to collect, and after she got out her wand and said the spell, Narcissa felt herself hold her breath as she watched the silvery mist dissipate to show her the results of their efforts.

And suddenly, everything changed.

Narcissa’s eyes widened as she saw the dark blue color of her blood, and it honestly took her a good long moment for it even to process that what she was seeing was real until she finally exhaled a yelp of happiness, jumping to her feet as she realized that finally, all of her dreams were coming true.

“Lucius!” she shouted desperately, ripping open the door to the bathroom and barreling out of it as she sought to find her husband in the other room. “ _Lucius!_ ” 

“What? What is it?” Lucius asked, sounding concerned by how much his wife was screaming his name as he rushed into the living room to meet her. He looked a little frightened, no doubt thinking she was yelling because something awful had happened, but when he took one look at his wife, he saw the disbelief and happiness in her eyes and stopped dead in his tracks, trying to process what was happening.

“…I’m pregnant,” she told him, obviously still in a state of shock as the words came out filled with disbelief and amazement. But then the reality of it clicked in her mind and a large smile broke out across her face as she repeated more urgently. “Lucius… Lucius, I’m _pregnant!_ ”

She ran up to him then, and when she threw her arms around his neck he seemed to understand what the hell was happening and he exclaimed, “…Oh my God!” as he picked her up and spun her around before putting her back down and enveloping her in a fierce hug. Narcissa started crying, feeling happier than she ever had in her life as Lucius kissed her deeply, his own joy over the situation causing him to get just as emotional as her as his eyes misted over.

When they broke she looked up at him, grasping his face in her hands as she breathed in amazement, “Lucius… Lucius we’re going to be _parents._ We’re going to have a _baby_ , oh my God…” She kissed him again, just completely overwhelmed by her own emotions as she realized her entire life was about to change.

Lucius’ thumbs wiped the tears that fell from his wife’s eyes as he leaned his forehead against hers and smiled the biggest, most joyful smile that Narcissa realized she had ever seen from him. “I love you, Narcissa,” he breathed, causing Narcissa to choke up with emotion before she smiled and returned the sentiment in kind, hardly able to believe that they had finally gotten to this place. This was all she had ever wanted for so long that it was difficult to comprehend the reality of it now. It was the most beautiful, terrifying, and amazing thing that had ever happened to her, and Narcissa could hardly contain her joy as she wrapped herself in her husband’s embrace and wept tears of happiness.

The initial shock and disbelief wore off after some time though, and suddenly Narcissa was hit with how much they had to prepare before this child came into the world. She untangled herself from her husband and looked up at him, her mind going a thousand miles an hour as she began speaking. “God, I’m gonna need to—to talk to my Healer about my medication, because I don’t… it might not be good for the baby. I need to buy supplements and, Jesus, this entire bloody house needs to be baby proofed. We’re going to have to—!”

“Narcissa… Narcissa, calm down,” Lucius responded, chuckling a little at how his wife had jumped from zero to sixty so fast. Placing his hands on Narcissa’s arms, he tried to steady her from what no doubt would have been the cusp of a panic attack as she started to realize that there was so much to do, and told her, “You’ve probably only been pregnant for two, maybe three weeks; that means the baby isn’t coming until late May or early June. We’ve got _time,_ okay? It’s only the first week in October, darling. Please breathe. I’ll bring home some pregnancy supplements after I get out of work today, and your next appointment with your Healer is Wednesday, isn’t it? You can speak to her about your medication then.”

Narcissa took a breath and nodded, realizing that perhaps she was going a little overboard. He was right; they did have time. Looking down at her hands, Narcissa noted the reddened scar across her palm and used her thumb to trace its pattern before she swallowed and said, “…I need to tell Bella.” She looked up at him, noticing that he was staring at the scar himself before she felt a little self-conscious of it and closed her fist, hiding her hand behind her back. Lucius caught her gaze.

“If you’re embarrassed about it, why do you keep it?” he asked her softly, finally speaking about the scar that she had given herself. Narcissa was surprised that he didn’t demand that she heal it when he had originally found out about it, but perhaps Lucius just didn’t want to dictate what she did with her own body. After all, he had apparently hated himself just for coming inside of her without permission once; going on and on about bodily autonomy and choice. Or perhaps he was just waiting for her to make _her_ choice to get better, and get rid of it on her own. She honestly wasn’t sure.

“I’m… I’m not,” Narcissa stumbled, surprised that he had said anything about it since the subject seemed to be purposefully ignored for weeks now. “I just… I didn’t want you to think that I was making this about me and her, because it’s not. It’s our excitement, our news. I just… saw the scar, and it reminded me that I need to tell her what is happening because… because things are about to change.” Swallowing hard, Narcissa looked down at the floor momentarily before she finished, “I just hope it doesn’t upset her, is all.”

“And if it does?” Lucius questioned, wanting to know how she planned to handle that, should it come down to it.

“…Then I hope it’s not for long,” Narcissa whispered, unable to look at him as she spoke. “Because this is… this is all I’ve ever wanted. I’m not giving that up for her, but I—I think she’s knows that. And she… she told me that she would be happy for me, if—if I was, because she knows how much I…” But Narcissa trailed off then, taking her hand out from behind her back and anxiously rubbing the scar on her palm again. “I’m just scared. I know it’s probably irrational because Bella has always loved and supported me so long as I was happy, and this… this _does_ make me happy – more than anything in the whole world – but I don’t… I just don’t want to hurt her.”

Lucius didn’t say anything for a long moment, and Narcissa worried that perhaps she shouldn’t have shared her fears with him, but finally he just took a deep breath and told her, “…I’m going to schedule an appointment for you with a Soul Mender for Monday. Alright?”

Narcissa swallowed, hating that a part of him was just dismissing how she felt as just another part of her sickness, but she silently nodded her agreement anyway. In the end, she _had_ agreed to go once she was pregnant, and she was now. She still had no idea how she was going to approach the situation – whether she was going to give the Soul Mender the version of truth she told Lucius, or the _actual_ truth so maybe she could get help trying to balance and prioritize the relationships in her life – but that was a problem for another day. Right now, she had other concerns.

Lucius sighed softly, no doubt disappointed by how much of his wife’s life revolved around her sister, but he still tried to help her as he asked, “Do you want me to tell her instead?” Narcissa shook her head though, not finding that to be a viable solution.

“She’ll think you’re bragging; it’ll be worse that way.”

Lucius nodded, understanding how it could be perceived that way. He leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on his wife’s forehead that made her eyes flutter closed. “I have to go to work,” he told her regrettably, obviously not wanting to leave her right now. “But if you’re worried about how she’ll react, just know that you don’t have to do this right now. You can wait a day or two. It’s alright to focus on yourself first, and honestly it might be better for you that way. Let yourself enjoy this for a moment, Narcissa; don’t make this about her, because it’s not. This is about you. This is about _us._ ”

“…I know,” Narcissa whispered, feeling foolish for even bringing Bellatrix up at a time like this. This was what she was supposed to be _stopping._ She finally just got everything she wanted; she should be over the moon, and yet instead she was worrying about _Bellatrix’s_ reaction to all of this. That wasn’t healthy. That wasn’t how she was supposed to be reacting to things anymore, and she hated herself for falling into the routine as easily as breathing. 

“I’m sorry,” she breathed, looking up at him with regret in her eyes. “I’m so sorry; I can’t believe I just made this about Bellatrix. That’s awful. God, I need to—what’s _wrong_ with me?” She looked so lost and confused as she caught her husband’s gaze, and his lips pursed into a sympathetic line as he brushed a tiny bit of hair away from his wife’s eyes.

“Therapy will help,” he promised, even though he probably knew he couldn’t guarantee such a thing. “Alright? It’s good that you’re realizing that this isn’t healthy, and honestly it’s the main reason I’m able to have this much patience with it because it _is…_ ” He trailed off for a moment, shooting her a look of apology as he told her, “It _is_ hard for me to listen to. I know I asked for honesty and I’m so glad you’re doing that now, but I won’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt. It’s hard to watch the woman you love be so obsessed with another person.”

Narcissa’s eyes welled up with guilty tears at that and she had to look away from him momentarily as one slipped down the contour of her cheek. “I am so—I’m _sorry_ , Lucius. God, I am so, so, sorry…”

“I know,” he breathed, leaning down once more to place another kiss on her forehead. “But we’ll get through it, alright?” Lucius continued, the amount of care and love in his voice making another tear fall from her eyes as she leaned against his chest, needing to be close to him. “I promise you, Narcissa; it’ll all work out in the end. It has to.”

And Narcissa prayed he was right, because it would be the most devastating thing in the world to finally get the life she had always dreamed of, only to watch it come tumbling down around her.

**TBC…**


	33. XXXIII. Autumn, 1979

**CHAPTER THIRTY THREE  
Autumn, 1979**

“I have two things to tell you,” Narcissa told her sister early Wednesday morning whilst standing in Bellatrix’s parlor, looking awfully nervous as she continuously shifted the weight between her feet. She was anxiously rubbing the scar on her palm as she did so, causing Bellatrix’s gaze to flicker to the subconscious movement, reading into the gesture as she pursed her lips into a tight line. Still, she stayed silent and waited for her sister to continue.

“One… you’re probably expecting,” Narcissa continued, unable to keep eye contact with the woman who was sitting in front of her. “And I hope that it doesn’t upset you, as you’ve—you’ve probably had time to prepare yourself for it, while the other…” she trailed off for a moment, swallowing hard. “The other I’m afraid will upset you very badly, and I am truly sorry for that.”

Bellatrix didn’t say anything for a long moment, no doubt taking careful effort to control her own emotions. “You’re pregnant,” she surmised, figuring the obvious. Narcissa nodded in confirmation, yet said nothing more on the subject. Bellatrix pursed her lips, leaning back on the couch as she crossed her arms over her chest. “How far along are you?” she asked flatly, like she didn’t much care yet wanted to know regardless.

“I… I’m not entirely sure yet,” Narcissa responded, as she hadn’t seen a Healer yet about her pregnancy, who would be the only ones who knew for sure, down to the date. “At least two or three weeks.”

Bellatrix said nothing again, staring at her for a long moment as she watched her sister continuously rub the scar on her own hand. She looked down at her own then, allowing her thumb to run over the ridge of it before she assumed in a voice that was so quiet that Narcissa almost couldn’t hear the small crack in it, “…You’re going to have the scar removed, aren’t you?”

Because while they could easily heal fresh cuts, scars were a different matter and generally needed a professional Healer in order to remove flawlessly. It was a little bit more advanced magic that neither of them studied personally. Narcissa however finally looked up at her, confusion mapping over her features as she responded, “What? _No._ I… no, of course not, Bella. I wouldn’t do that.”

It was Bellatrix’s turn to look confused now, as she had assumed that would be the news that upset her. “Then what are you on about?” she asked, leaning forward in her chair a little from her own morbid curiosity. She knew that it could not be good, and yet Bellatrix still wondered regardless.

Narcissa inhaled a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for the backlash she was no doubt going to receive for this. “Lucius, he… well, I’ve been trying to be a little more honest with him, lately,” she began, sounding incredibly nervous. “Lying to him so much has been… it’s the reason everything fell apart, and while I will never outright tell him that we’ve been romantically involved because I fear that’s something he would never be able to forgive, he now knows that—that I, um…”

“Oh, Jesus _Christ,_ ” Bellatrix swore, realizing that Narcissa probably ended up sticking her foot in her mouth again in regards to them. “You bloody idiot; what the fuck did you say to him _now?!_ ”

Narcissa winced at the blatant name-calling, but knew she probably deserved it. Maybe how she’d been going about all this _had_ been idiotic, but for some strange reason, it had actually been working and making things better between her and her husband. She couldn’t find it within herself to regret that, even if being honest with him had made it even more apparent that she needed to detach herself from her sister a little bit.

“Lucius, he—he knows that it’s… not as entirely as one-sided as we had always made it out to be,” Narcissa finally admitted, her eyes training on the floor after she saw her sister’s jaw slack a little in response. So she went through the rest of this quickly, just needing to get it out before Bellatrix could say anything about it. “He knows I’m bloody obsessed with you; that I—that I perpetuate your feelings for me because I enjoy it and because I need you to love me in that way. He doesn’t think we’ve ever done anything, but I think he understands now that I’m at least a little bit in love with you, even though I’m sure he just dismisses it as some kind of sick infatuation. He thinks my mental illness and the abuse we went through when we were younger caused me to…”

But Narcissa trailed off for a moment, her eyes welling up with tears because she knew how awful all of this sounded. “He… he thinks our feelings for one another are just some kind of symptom of a larger problem and I’ve—I’ve let him believe that, because that way he believes it can be fixed.” Swallowing hard, Narcissa felt a singular tear fall down her cheek as she whispered, “…I’m sorry.”

“You’re—you’re _sorry?_ ” Bellatrix responded incredulously, like she couldn’t believe those words just came out of her mouth. “Do you—fucking _Christ,_ Cissy, do you even realize what you’ve _done?!_ ” she shouted, getting off the couch in a flash as she gestured wildly and angrily. “He’s going to try to _fix_ you now, you fucking idiot! He’s going to have you committed or something to try to deal with this shit and—God, do you even bloody _think?!_ ”

“He—Lucius won’t have me _committed_ ,” Narcissa tried to defend, because that would be much too overdramatic of a response. “I just… I admitted that our relationship might be a little unhealthy, and I agreed to—”

“What? Go to therapy so you can fucking stop _loving_ me?!” Bellatrix screamed, looking hurt and angry beyond belief, but it was when Narcissa shot her a look of sympathy that her expression cracked and she took a large step away from her, looking horrified. “Oh my god, you—you fucking did agree to that, didn’t you…?”

“ _No,_ ” Narcissa sobbed, not wanting Bellatrix to get the wrong idea, because it wasn’t so that she would stop loving her. She could never do that. She hated the look on her sister’s face though, and she openly wept as she realized she was breaking Bellatrix’s heart. “No, Bella, I—”

But Bellatrix wasn’t listening.

“What the _fuck_ was this then?!” Bellatrix screamed, her devastation laying waste to her anger because it was just easier for her that way. She practically manhandled her sister as she said that, grabbing her wrist so tightly that it hurt as she forced open her palm to see the scar that she bore. That they _both_ bore. “What the fuck was this, if not some elaborate bloody _joke_ then?! And you fucking—you _proposed,_ you selfish, vile, cunt—like you really meant…!” But Bellatrix was so upset that she could barely finish her sentences, and all Narcissa could do was sob as her sister violently pushed her backwards into a wall so hard that it actually shot terrible pain down the blonde’s spine, causing her to crumple down into a ball at the feeling, crying on the floor.

She wanted Bellatrix to understand that she had gotten it wrong, but she could barely breathe because she realized how badly she had devastated her. Her heart was breaking in half, because this wasn’t what she wanted. She knew this decision was a selfish one, and Narcissa hated herself for prioritizing her life and her family over her sister, even though she knew that was what she was supposed to do. 

“You _knew,_ ” Bellatrix seethed, her voice cracking in her throat as she jumped to all the wrong conclusions, not allowing Narcissa to get a word in edge-wise. “You fucking _knew_ he was going to make you do this, and that’s why you—I don’t want some sodding _scar_ as a consolation, or to remember what we had by, you gormless fucking tosser! What the hell kind of comfort is that supposed to be to me?!”

“ _No_ , Bella—you… I’m not going there so I can stop loving you, I’m _not!_ ” Narcissa cried, begging her to understand as she rubbed the sore spot on her back from where she had hit the wall. She hated that Bellatrix could even _think_ that she would do something like that, but she hated that she actually thought that she really _did_ even more. 

“And I fucking meant it when I proposed, you absolute _arsehole,_ ” she seethed through her tears as she struggled to get back on her feet, taking great insult to that most of all. “You’re the one who bloody rejected it, so fuck _you._ This was—I needed _something_ , and since you’re the one who’s so damn afraid of being my sodding wife, I took what I could get, so don’t you _dare._ ”

“I’m not fucking afraid of—!” Bellatrix began, before she realized that argument was pointless and she shouted, “You already _are_ someone’s wife, and you know what? It’s not fair to want me to share something you claim is so fucking important in a romantic relationship, so _fuck_ you. Fuck you for doing something like this and then breaking _up_ with me—”

“I’m not breaking up with you, you deaf _twat!_ ” Narcissa shouted, infuriated that she was never being sodding listened to. She hated that she hurt Bellatrix, but now it was just making her mad because she was being shouted at for no bloody reason. “And if you took two seconds to bloody listen to me instead of making a fucking _arse_ out of yourself, you’d know that!”

That, at least, made Bellatrix stop for a second. She fell silent, her chest heaving with emotions and her eyes filled with unshed tears. “— _Fine,_ ” she ground out after a long moment. “Fucking speak then.”

Narcissa wiped the tears from her eyes before rubbing the sore spot on her back again. She’d explain to Bellatrix what she meant in a moment, but first she had something more important to say, because her sister had crossed a line just then that could have had devastating consequences. “God, I can’t believe you _pushed_ me,” she breathed sadly, realizing how bad that could have been should she have hit any protruding obstructions or something. “I’m sodding _pregnant,_ Bella; Jesus Christ…”

Bellatrix’s expression immediately washed over into one of horror, apparently not realizing what she had done either until Narcissa had pointed it out. “Fuck, Cissy, I’m—I’m sorry,” she immediately apologized, looking gravely regretful as she stepped towards her. “I’m so sorry; I just wasn’t—I wasn’t thinking. _Shit…_ ” Her brow creased in concern as she asked, looking as though she were praying that she didn’t fuck up to a horrible degree. “Are… you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just… sore,” Narcissa responded softly, infinitely relieved that Bellatrix was immediately horrified by her own actions, as it meant that she understood how important this child was to her. She looked up when she felt her sister cross into her personal space, two comforting hands being placed on her arms while a gentle forehead rested on her own.

“I’m _sorry,_ ” Bellatrix breathed, causing Narcissa’s eyes to close with emotion as she nodded, understanding that her sister really didn’t mean to cause her lasting harm. “I’m shit, I shouldn’t—I’m a bit of an abusive twat to you sometimes, I’m really sorry…” Narcissa swallowed, opening her eyes and leaning back a little so she could look up at her.

“Just be careful, please,” she whispered, knowing that both of them had issues controlling their anger and would occasionally take it out on the other. Bellatrix’s hands ran down the length of her arms then and Narcissa gently intertwined their fingers once they were in reach, making sure her sister wasn’t going to step away from her.

“I’m not going to therapy to stop loving you, Bella,” Narcissa breathed softly, needing Bellatrix to understand that she wasn’t willing to accept that as something that needed to change. “I could never. You are… you are so _fucking_ important to my life,” Narcissa whispered as she untangled one of their hands, reaching up to touch her sister’s face as she looked into her eyes. “You and I are going to be forever, do you hear me? I just… have to focus on my marriage right now. I need to focus on the family Lucius and I are going to have together and I am, truly, so _fucking_ sorry that I don’t know how to balance any bloody thing in my life because it’s always either you or him, isn’t it? And it’s—God, I’ve always fucking denied that it was a competition but maybe it was, and it was always _you,_ Bella, you know that, but now…”

She trailed off sadly, watching her sister deflate a little as she realized that when she feared she wouldn’t even come second after a baby, that she was right. It broke Narcissa’s heart, but what else could she do? She couldn’t keep destroying her chances to have the life she always strived for because of a relationship she could never have publicly. It was madness. She loved Bellatrix and did not plan to lose her completely, but she needed to take a step back. She had already fucked up far too much, and this may very well be her last chance to get it right.

“I’m _sorry,_ ” she whispered sadly, the hand that was still clasped in her sister’s squeezing softly. “The therapy will only be until I can learn to—to put Lucius and our family first, which I know isn’t an outcome you want, but if you’d like you can take comfort in the fact that I’m so bloody fucking obsessed with you that I somehow managed to make my pregnancy all about you and how _you_ would feel about it, and… that’s fucked up, Bella. You know that’s fucked up. I love you and I want to be with you, but not at the cost of the rest of my life. I need to learn to love you in a more… _sane_ way, I suppose; because I think Lucius might actually be a little right. I _am_ infatuated with you. I have been ever since I was a little girl, and that’s not good for me _or_ you. You need to live your own life as well, and I’ve been hindering you from doing that. That’s not fair.”

“I don’t want my own _fucking_ life, Cissy,” Bellatrix breathed sadly, her eyes misting over with tears as she realized this decision had already been made, and there wasn’t really anything she could do about it. She shut her eyes tightly then, trying to keep the tears at bay as she swore beneath her breath, “Fuck. _Fuck…_ ” as she turned away, breaking Narcissa’s heart in half as she realized Bellatrix was doing everything she could not to break down right then.

“Bella…” she tried, the name breaking in the back of her throat as she reached for her sister, gently pulling her back to face her. Bellatrix opened her eyes to look at her, causing the tears she was trying to hold back to fall down her cheek in a way that made Narcissa feel as though her insides were shattering. “Bella, this isn’t—it’s not _over,_ ” she tried to explain, reaching up to wipe the tears from her sister’s skin. “We’re still going to be together. I’m still going to love you, I’m still going to sleep with you, it just won’t be…” But she trailed off, not really knowing how to explain it.

“You mean I’m going to be your bloody _mistress,_ ” Bellatrix responded in devastated fury, her voice cracking in her throat around the last word. “I’ll be the one you sneak around with only when Lucius is at work and you know you won’t get caught. I’ll be good for a quick lay at three o’clock in the bloody afternoon, but not for a real relationship; or at least not one that rivals your marriage, right? Because nothing will be as important as _that_ now. Not anymore.”

Narcissa closed her eyes at that, pain etching in the lines of her expression at how her sister worded that. She didn’t contradict it though, because on some level… that was exactly what she needed their relationship to become, and she hated herself for that. “It won’t… be for a while,” Narcissa breathed sadly, trying to somehow make up for what she was doing by stalling until it got to that point. “I’m sure Lucius expects it to take time for me—for my therapy to work, and for me to get over you or… whatever he actually expects, I don’t know, but it’ll be a while, Bella. I’m not saying things have to change right now…”

“What the fuck are you even going to _tell_ this therapist?” Bellatrix asked, ignoring Narcissa’s consolation as she stepped away from her. “You’re honestly going to fucking _admit_ what we are to one another? What if they fucking open their fat mouths, what _then?!_ ”

“There’s… physician-patient privilege, Bella,” Narcissa tried to explain, even though she herself wasn’t comfortable with the concept much either. She had been going to Soul Menders off and on for most of her life, and yet she barely spoke about anything significant in fear of how it may damage her reputation should it get out. “Our relationship isn’t classified as being a danger to myself or others, so legally the Soul Mender wouldn’t be allowed to say anything until he wanted to lose his license and practice. I mean, why would people go to therapy to try to work through really personal things if they feared it would be broadcasted and used against them? There needs to be a level of trust, and if there’s not…” she trailed off, shrugging helplessly. “I don’t know, we’ve always used money or murder to motivate people’s silence, haven’t we? I’m sure Lucius will use it as an insurance policy. Believe me, he doesn’t want the world to know about us just as much as we don’t.”

“Whatever,” Bellatrix dismissed, apparently finding this entire thing to be a farfetched concept the longer she thought about it. “You’re not going to do it anyway, I don’t know why I’m worrying. You could barely fucking speak about anything that happened in your childhood, and that was abuse; something a lot less bloody shameful than lesbian fucking _incest_ , Cissy. You won’t be able to do it. You _know_ you won’t.”

“I… I _have_ to,” Narcissa responded apologetically, regretfully. “I promised Lucius I would, and I _do_ … I need us to get to a more normal place, Bella. But you’re right; I still have no idea how I’m going to say the words. I don’t know if I’ll be able to, but I know that I need to. And it fucking… it _terrifies_ me, of course it does, and I’m so afraid the shame of it is going to make me want to die, but what other choice do I have?”

“Maybe not thinking about us like something that needs to be _fixed_ , for one,” Bellatrix responded bitterly, pulling away from her sister as she paced a little bit in the center of the living room, her arms folded across her chest like she was trying to keep everything inside of her. The corners of Narcissa’s lips turned down into a frown as she watched her step away from her, but she didn’t move to comfort her. She knew Bellatrix didn’t want it then anyway.

“Just fucking go, Cissy,” she finally said, her back turned towards her sibling as she tried to process everything that had happened. She obviously needed space, but Narcissa hated walking away from Bellatrix when she was feeling like this.

“I…” Narcissa began softly before she swallowed, knowing she was probably going to be kicked out anyway but needing to try regardless. “My… appointment with my Healer is in an hour, I actually was… planning to stay here until then and then go from here, but… but if you don’t want—”

“Why?” Bellatrix responded bitterly, turning around to face her with furious tears in her eyes as she cocked a sarcastic brow. “You need a quick _fuck_ from your plaything before you go back to your real life and your bloody baby appointment? Pass.”

Ouch, that stung. 

“It’s… for my medication, actually, n-not—” Narcissa tried as she audibly stumbled over her own words. She quickly realized that wasn’t the important part though, and tried to put the pain she felt from her sister’s words aside as she sought to explain, “And that’s not what I _want_ , Bella, please don’t—don’t be this way. I’m not doing this to hurt you, you _know_ that.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your intent, Cissy,” Bellatrix spat, looking at Narcissa like she was stupid for actually thinking that would make a difference. “Either way, you’re still choosing that prick and his hell spawn over me, and I have every goddamn right to be upset about that. So again, do me a sodding favor and fuck _off_ right now, yeah? I’m done with this bloody conversation.”

Narcissa’s eyes welled up with tears at that, but she swallowed hard and nodded her understanding as she backed up out of the room, giving her sister the space that she asked for. In the end, she knew the wounds were too fresh right now, and all she could hope for was that eventually Bellatrix would realize that this really wasn’t the _end,_ and would choose to at least have any kind of relationship with her over not having one at all.

Still, it hurt. It hurt so badly that Narcissa had trouble getting out of bed for the rest of the day once she had returned from her appointment with her Healer, and that was where Lucius found her when he got home from work.

“Narcissa, it’s six thirty… why are you in bed?” he asked as he undid his tie, hanging it up in the closet before he turned back to his wife, concern causing his brow to furrow as he took in the image of his wife buried under the covers, hugging a pillow close to her body as she stared at the far wall. She just felt so very drained emotionally, yet she found she couldn’t even sleep. She just kept bloody _thinking_ about everything.

“Did things not go well at your appointment?” Lucius asked, crouching down in front of her as he placed his hand over one of hers in a gesture of comfort.

“My meds, they… there’s a chance they could pose a risk to the baby, but they claim it’s very minimal,” Narcissa told him softly, feeling a little lost about what to do about that as well. “The Healer said it was up to me whether I wanted to continue my medication with adjusted doses or forgo it completely, but I don’t… I don’t know what to do about that. She told me to talk about it with you and then let her know what we decided at my next appointment.”

Lucius nodded, understanding that would have to be a very serious conversation at some point, yet also realizing that wasn’t the reason his wife looked so depressed. “Things didn’t go well with Bellatrix then, I take it,” he surmised, knowing that she had been thinking about finally talking to her today. “She’s honestly upset about your pregnancy? I thought you said she understood how much it meant to you.”

“She… she _does,_ ” Narcissa responded sadly, feeling her chest tighten as she hugged her pillow tighter. “It’s not that, she…” Narcissa trailed off for a moment, feeling her eyes well up with tears again and hating that she was so upset about this, when chances were that her sister’s anger was probably just a knee-jerk reaction, and that she’d come around in time. “I… told her that I was going to go to therapy soon,” she admitted in a whisper as she looked up at him. “ _That_ was what she didn’t take well.”

“…Oh,” Lucius responded, looking a little surprised that she had mentioned something like that to Bellatrix. “You didn’t… tell me that you planned to do that. I just assumed you’d try to work out your issues on your own. Were you trying to make her go with you or something?”

“What? _No,_ ” Narcissa answered, looking at him like he had to be mental for thinking she would ever dare suggested something like that to her sister. “She wouldn’t _go;_ she doesn’t—I’ve fucked her up too badly that now she doesn’t think how we feel about one another is unhealthy, and the fact that a part of me now does see it in that way, it’s… it’s upsetting to her. _Offending_ her, probably. But I couldn’t keep that from her, Lucius; it would have been worse if she felt me pulling away from her without her knowing _why._ She… she deserved to know what I was planning to do, but now I think I…”

The tears that had welled up in Narcissa’s eyes began to fall then as she cried, “I think I broke her heart, Lucius, and I feel… I feel _awful…_ ” She dissolved into soft sobs then, burying her face in her pillow as she cried. 

“Narcissa…” Lucius breathed, sounding halfway between sympathetic and exasperated as he gently placed a hand on her head, massaging her skull. “I know you believe that you’re the one to blame for how Bellatrix feels about you, but that doesn’t mean that you owe her anything. Yes, you may have encouraged it, but at the end of the day, it isn’t like you were in a _romantic_ relationship with her. If she’s really acting like this is the end of the world, then she’s being bloody dramatic, and I think you know that. You’re doing this to have a _healthy_ relationship with her, not because you’re trying to throw it away completely.”

“We don’t have to be in an actual romantic relationship for me to break her heart, Lucius,” Narcissa responded as she looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears as she stared at him like she couldn’t understand how he didn’t think her sister’s feelings were valid. They _were_ in a relationship, obviously, but even if they weren’t, like Lucius believed, Bellatrix still had the right to feel hurt by her pulling away, because she was in love with her. 

Conveniently ignoring the part where Lucius had an actual _point_ at the end though, Narcissa just shook her head, exhaling a frustrated breath as she realized that maybe everything shouldn’t be shared with Lucius, because he could never really understand. “Never mind,” she breathed as she laid back down, hugging the pillow close to her tear-stained cheeks. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sure she’ll… she’ll get over it eventually. Maybe _I’m_ just the one who’s being bloody ‘dramatic’.”

Narcissa couldn’t help how scathingly that last word was uttered, but she hid her sour look behind her pillow as she pulled the covers up over her shoulders and practically enveloped herself in a cocoon. She just wanted to be left alone, honestly. It was easier for her to deal with her feelings that way.

Lucius looked a little annoyed by her tone though, and his patience seemed to wane for a moment as he rose to his feet and responded with a terse, “Fine, wallow all day in bed over your bloody sister. What a healthy sodding reaction.”

“Fuck you, this isn’t _easy_ for me, okay?” Narcissa shot back as she whipped the covers off of her head almost violently. She knew something like this would come from him eventually, because he had been far too patient with her issues lately, but still. She didn’t need it _now._ “I know I’m fucked up, I know _this,_ is fucked up, but I’m not in therapy yet, Lucius. I don’t know how to bloody deal with this yet. All I know is how I feel, and I feel like an awful sodding person, so please just let me wallow in my own shit for a moment without judgement; that’s all I fucking ask.”

Lucius pursed his lips into a thin line, but at least did look a little guilty for how quickly he snapped at her over it. “…Fine,” he conceded eventually, not knowing what else to do. It was obvious anything he could say on the matter wasn’t going to help. “But if this behavior continues tomorrow, I’m going to start treating it like a problem. Understood?”

“…Whatever,” Narcissa mumbled, pulling the covers over her head once more. She could hear Lucius sigh from underneath them, but he did eventually leave her alone to deal with her own emotions, which thankfully she was able to get into check a little better the next day. Well, at least enough that Lucius stopped treating her like what she was doing was something awful and unhealthy, but that was probably because she knew if she stayed in bed all day again that he would, and so she pointedly did not.

Besides, where was wallowing going to get her? This was no doubt just temporary anger on her sister’s behalf anyway, and so Narcissa realized that treating it like it was some life-altering fight was fairly ridiculous.

Because Bellatrix just _did_ things like this, didn’t she? She would get all upset over something and not to talk to her for days or weeks on end, but at the end of the day she would always come back to her. _Always._ She wasn’t stupid, and she would always take what she could get even if she could not have it all; they _both_ did. So Narcissa tried to convince herself that it was nothing serious, and chose to believe that Bellatrix would come around once she figured out what was important in her life.

Unfortunately, she was wrong.

Well, not that Bellatrix wouldn’t come around because she _did,_ but only to her house and certainly _not_ because she had figured out that Narcissa was far too important in her life to just throw away. Instead, she came for an entirely different reason.

It was Monday morning, the day of Narcissa’s first therapy appointment. The blonde was already terribly nervous about it and completely unsure of what she was going to say, which was giving her awful anxiety. Due to that, Lucius decided to call in sick to work, thankfully recognizing that his wife needed support and care right then, because this was obviously something that was going to be incredibly hard for her. Narcissa had barely touched her breakfast and Lucius was in the middle of trying to coax her to at least eat her bacon when the front doorbell rang loudly through the house. Both husband and wife looked up from their meals, unsure of who would be calling this early.

Dobby had gotten the door though, and as Lucius and Narcissa rose from their chairs to go greet the guest who _should_ have been waiting in their foyer, instead they met halfway in the large parlor, causing Narcissa’s eyes to widen a little as she realized who it was. “…Bella,” she breathed in surprise as she placed a gentle hand on her husband’s arm, moving to stand next to him as she looked across the room at her sister.

She honestly thought it would take at least a week until Bellatrix came by to reconcile, and so this was rather unprecedented and she didn’t know what to make of it.

Bellatrix’s gaze took in both husband and wife as though she were judging them, or maybe even looking down on them; either way, it was a rather odd way of greeting them, and Narcissa felt herself immediately deflate as she realized this wasn’t a visit of reconciliation at all. Bellatrix did _not_ look happy. 

“I came to wish you _luck_ at your appointment today,” Bellatrix said, speaking directly to Narcissa as she crossed the room to stand in front of her. Her lips quirked in amusement at the look on her sister’s face after she said that, yet she turned then to Lucius and dug a piece of paper out of the pocket of her robes. The blonde recognized what it was immediately: a notary from Gringott’s bank, which would allow someone else to take a certain amount of money from someone else’s account. Narcissa’s brow creased in confusion, a feeling of dread settling in the pit of her stomach as she realized that whatever this was, it certainly wasn’t good.

“I heard once that I’m fairly hard to get over, so this could get _terribly_ expensive for you,” Bellatrix responded with a little smirk, handing Lucius the piece of paper like she was trying to _help_ , and not just trying to fuck with them even more merely because she was angry. “I do hope this helps ease the transition because you know me, always here for _Narcissa’s_ needs…” The amount of sickly-sweet sarcasm in her voice was making Narcissa ill, and she hated that Bellatrix was doing something like this right now, because this was the last thing bloody she needed.

“Bella, stop it…” Narcissa pleaded as she held tighter to her husband’s arm, unable to handle something like this today. “This isn’t funny, it’s just cruel.”

“Careful, Bellatrix; bitterness is a hard pill to swallow. It’d be a shame if you bloody choked on it,” Lucius responded, his expression darkening as he grabbed the paper from his sister-in-law’s hand, immediately ripping it clean in two and throwing the pieces of it on the floor. Bellatrix merely looked amused at that though, which infuriated Lucius even more as he demanded, “Get out. Narcissa doesn’t fucking need this today.”

“And here I thought I was helping. _Shame,_ ” Bellatrix responded in amusement, turning around in a wave of arrogance and sarcasm, knowing she was getting to them and loving every bloody minute of it. And for a second, it almost looked like she was going to leave, but then she stopped in the threshold of the doorway and turned around, as though she only now just remembered she had something more to say.

“Oh, Lucius, I meant to tell you…” she began, briefly placing a finger to her chin as she feigned having a thought. “Victoria? I can see why you slept with her behind my sister’s back; she’s bloody _fantastic_ in bed, isn’t she? I appreciate you making her available again; she’s been quite a lot of fun.”

Narcissa’s mouth dropped open in horror, this terrible tightness enveloping her chest and making it hard to breathe. She _didn’t._ That would be—God, that was _beyond_ petty, beyond cruel…

“What utter _bullshit,_ ” Lucius seethed, refusing to believe that what Bellatrix was saying was true, and that she was merely trying to make them angry. But Narcissa knew her sister, and she knew she didn’t do anything half-arsed; if she was going to stoop that low, then she damn sure was going to go all the way with it. Narcissa felt sick. “Victoria isn’t a bloody dyke, so why don’t you stop embarrassing yourself and go back to the sodding hole you crawled out of. You claim you love your sister, and yet you come here and do _this?_ You’re disgusting.”

“Oh, you poor, simple-minded creature,” Bellatrix responded with a laugh, as though Lucius’ outrage and denial was one of the funniest things she had heard in a while. “Look at me. Do you honestly think it’s hard for me to seduce someone? Especially someone who’s slept with _you;_ promise them one good sodding orgasm and their knickers come off _embarrassingly_ quick. I’m sorry to tell you, but you’re not a hard bar to surpass, Lucius.”

“And yet you haven’t managed to get in my _wife’s_ knickers yet even though that’s all you’ve seemed to want your whole fucking life, so you’ll forgive me if I don’t believe a single bloody word you say to me right now,” Lucius shot back, causing Bellatrix’s expression to darken. Narcissa knew with how her sister was feeling right then that she would _love_ to disprove Lucius’ assumption, and so Narcissa spoke, fearing that if she did not, Bellatrix would say something irreversible. 

“She slept with her, Lucius,” she interjected quietly, hating how awful that made her feel inside. Her eyes were welling up with furious tears as she continued, “I know my sister. Believe me, she wouldn’t lie about something like that, because the revenge wouldn’t taste as sweet.” Narcissa swallowed the lump in her throat, feeling so immensely betrayed and hurt by this as she looked over at Bellatrix and breathed, “How _could_ you? I can’t believe you would do something like this to me, Bella. That’s… beyond fucking _anything_ you believe I’ve done to you right now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry; I was under the impression that sleeping with Lucius’ former whore was only going to fuck with him,” Bellatrix responded, her voice dripping with bitterness and sarcasm. “But now you seem to be a little jealous; like this somehow slighted _you._. Interesting, isn’t it? Maybe you haven’t been as honest about your feelings towards me as you think you have. I can see now why you need that therapy.” 

Narcissa’s eyes flashed then, her devastation being outweighed by her fury that Bellatrix would _dare_ imply something like that in front of her husband, and it only took a few steps until she reached her sister and furiously shoved her into a wall. Bellatrix actually _laughed_ at how easily she could cause Narcissa to jump to violence, and the blonde’s forearm pressed against her throat as she pinned her there. 

“You fucking _arse!_ ” she shouted in her face, ignoring her husband’s pleading for her to calm down because she was pregnant. “You overdramatic, overreacting, piece of actual _shit!_ I fucking told you things weren’t going to change that much between us, and you still bloody take it like I’ve somehow torn your whole world apart; are you honestly that fucking _mental_ that you can’t handle not being the center of my sodding universe anymore, because if that’s the case maybe it’s _you_ who should go to fucking therapy!”

Bellatrix looked infuriated by that, as that was no doubt entirely what it was; her inability to accept that for once, she wasn’t going to be the priority anymore. Still, she tried to come off like Narcissa’s words didn’t bother her as she quirked a sarcastic brow as she answered, “You told me that your little _infatuation_ was hindering me from living my own life, didn’t you, Cissy? So that’s what I’m doing. Or, I’m sorry, were you _not_ inferring that I should take a lover, because I’m confused here? You’re trying to get over me, so I’m trying to get over you. Tit for tat, lover; I’m just a little more efficient at it than you are.”

“I’m not trying to ‘get over you’, you actual fucking _moron!_ ” Narcissa shouted, only half-aware of her husband still in the room. “I’m just trying to turn our screwed up relationship into something at least halfway resembling a healthy fucking bond between two people; and considering _this_ is where we’ve just ended up, I’d say I was fucking right to do so, wouldn’t you?!”

Narcissa was breathing heavily as she stared at her sister, fury and upset swimming in her eyes as she watched her sister swallow hard with this defiant look on her face as she glanced from her eyes, to her lips, and back up again. It took a long time for Bellatrix to say something, and when she did it seemed she had at least calmed down a little bit, which was a small grace amongst a sea of emotional destruction. 

“I’m fucking in love with you, Narcissa,” Bellatrix breathed, at least this time not masking how she felt with anger or sarcasm. “And you’re…” she trailed off, not knowing how to word whatever it was that Narcissa was when her husband was in the room, watching them. “I don’t know, whatever you are. How will our relationship ever be considered ‘healthy’ without trying to get over that?”

“…I don’t know,” Narcissa responded softly, hating that she didn’t have an answer for her. “But I wasn’t asking for you to stop loving me in the way that you do, Bella. I wasn’t even telling you that I was going to stop feeling like…” But she trailed off, not knowing how to put how she felt about her sister into words without damning herself. Exhaling a long, defeated breath, Narcissa took a small step back, taking her hands off of her sister as she looked up at her. “I just need to start prioritizing differently; that’s all I was trying to say to you. Please stop taking it like I’m tossing you aside, because I’m _not._ You know I could never.”

Bellatrix pursed her lips into a thin line, saying nothing. Maybe she was finally realizing that she seemed to have overreacted quite substantially. Her gaze took in every inch of her sister’s face as she looked at Narcissa for a long moment, the corners of her lips turning down into a small frown before she shook her head softly and turned away from her with a soft, “Forget it. I should go.”

Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest at that, not wanting Bellatrix to leave this way, but also knowing she couldn’t get into what she wanted to with Lucius there. If she had her way she would just grab her and kiss her; remind Bellatrix that she was loved and that she _mattered,_ but she just couldn’t right then. Besides, she still was unsure what route her therapy was going to take, and she didn’t know if she’d somehow just make everything _worse_ if she did that. So instead she just swallowed uncomfortably, sadly, and breathed, “Yeah… maybe you should.” 

Bellatrix looked like she hated that Narcissa agreed with her, but what else could she do? Now wasn’t the time to get into this. Still, she didn’t want her sister to feel rejected, and so she quickly said, “But—” as she got Bellatrix’s attention once more, causing the other woman to turn once again to face her. Narcissa wet her dry lips momentarily, looking at her sister as she requested softly, “…Come over tomorrow? You know that—that today’s going to be hard for me, and I just… I have the feeling that we’ll need to speak about some things then. Please.”

Bellatrix was silent for a moment, her gaze shifting to Lucius who had approached his wife from behind, gently placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. He didn’t say anything though, perhaps at least realizing that this was about the two sisters right now, and that interruption probably wouldn’t be taken well even though his mere presence was still tainting the truthfulness in their entire interaction. 

“Fine,” she responded flatly, not looking particularly thrilled by it but agreeing nonetheless. “But if that bloody quack you end up going to tells you that you shouldn’t have contact with me and you _listen…_ so fucking help me, Narcissa.”

“Unfortunately, I have already promised Narcissa that I won’t try to separate the two of you, and therefore I won’t force her to do so even if the Soul Mender recommends it,” Lucius told her, interjecting even though Narcissa wished that he wouldn’t. This wasn’t about him right now. She thought he had realized that, but perhaps not. “I’d advise you don’t make me regret it though, because the little stunt you pulled today already ground on my last nerve.”

Bellatrix just shot him a look like he was insignificant to her life though, scoffing a little as she responded, “Please. You’re just mad I licked the cunt of your former whore; now I’d appreciate it if you stopped speaking until we say something that actually _concerns_ you.”

“My _wife’s_ wellbeing concerns me, Bellatrix,” Lucius told her strongly, not about to get bullied into the background. “She’s going to be the mother of my child, and if her strange… _attachment_ to you is something she found she needs to address before we begin to build our family, then I’m going to support that. She’s trying to better herself for motherhood, Bellatrix; she’s trying to work through her issues so our child doesn’t grow up in an unhealthy environment, and you need to respect that. And as much as it… _pains_ me to say this, I _am_ sorry that you’re getting hurt by all of this. I used to believe most of this insanity was your fault, but I’m beginning to realize that it might not be you at all.”

Bellatrix was looking more irritated with each passing word, but the end of Lucius’ little speech suddenly left her looking completely perplexed and seemingly struck mute, because that clearly was the _last_ thing she was expecting. Narcissa looked a little surprised as well, but not as much as her sister; she knew she had damned herself by saying how much she screwed up Bellatrix in that regard, but she didn’t ever really expect for Lucius to blame _her_ more than her sister for it, no matter what she said.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Bellatrix said finally, which seemed to be the only words she could get out at the moment, as she looked so terribly confused by that notion.

“Narcissa told me that after the Dark Lord mended your mind, you tried to walk away from her,” Lucius told her, which caused Bellatrix to purse her lips into a thin line and glance blamefully over at her sister, who’s gaze hit the floor. “She also told me that she wouldn’t let you. She trapped you in this cycle because she was selfish and desperate for affection, which I’m sure stems from her mental illness, which is why I can’t entirely state for a fact that she emotionally abused you by toying with you like that, because I don’t think she knows she was doing it. So I’m unsure what to call it, if intent needs to be a factor. Regardless, Narcissa’s begun to realize that what she’s done isn’t healthy, and perhaps… perhaps it’s time you realize that as well.”

Bellatrix just stared at him, beginning to look _grievously_ offended by every single passing word, even though Narcissa was sure that, for once, Lucius was merely trying to be genuine and helpful. Bellatrix did not take it that way, however. 

“First of all,” she began heatedly, “don’t you fucking ever assume that the love I feel for my own sister is ‘unhealthy’. It might not be _normal,_ but that doesn’t fucking mean it’s wrong. I’ve loved her nearly my whole life and I will love her _long_ after. Yes, maybe I did try to walk away from her once, but even if she didn’t try to pull me back to her, I would have returned eventually anyway. She is a part of me, and I a part of her, whether you like it or not.”

“Secondly,” Bellatrix continued, crossing the distance between them before she began angrily gesturing at him. “I’m certainly not the only person who ever loved her to be _manipulated_ by her, Lucius. We’ve both always been toys to her whims because she’s sick in the head and we’re both desperate to save her from herself because it makes our existences feel validated. I don’t blame her for how I feel, and I don’t blame her for what she’s done. I willingly stand here and take her emotional fucking beatings on a daily basis, and considering you fucking _left_ her and still ended up right back here, I’m obviously not the only masochist in this room.”

“So really,” Bellatrix went on, getting right up into Lucius’ face, “the thing you can’t bloody _stand_ right now, is the fact that when you look at me, it’s like looking into a bloody mirror. You say she emotionally abuses me because you fear she emotionally abuses you. And maybe she does. But does it really matter? We both _relish_ it. It’s madness and it hurts, yes, but we spend our lives wreaking havoc on the entirety of the wizarding world; we torture and we kill and we feel so much power and lust that we need someone to strip it from us again in order for us to feel human. _That’s_ what Narcissa does, and that’s what you fear.” 

“But the thing is, Lucius, here you still are, starting a _family_ with her,” Bellatrix continued, apparently on a tirade now. “Here you are, still standing by her when she admitted she’s probably about two fucking steps away from committing _actual_ incest with me, and you aren’t leaving. You’re standing beside her and playing right into her little charade of change and betterment so you both can find a way to delude yourselves into thinking that you have a normal life, when you both know that no matter how much bloody therapy any of us go through, we will never really be _normal._ So really, what’s that say about _you?_ Nothing good or ‘healthy’, I’d wager.”

Bellatrix’s little speech seemed to have struck Lucius rather mute, as it no doubt left him to do some _serious_ introspecting. Narcissa hated how Bellatrix had worded all of that, as she never wanted to be either of their abusers, but there must have been some truth to what her sister had said, as Lucius couldn’t even find it within himself to deny it. He just looked shocked and rather ill as he let each and every one of Bellatrix’s words seed into his mind.

“So let’s stop pretending this isn’t exactly what it is, shall we?” Bellatrix finished, cocking an eyebrow at him as she no doubt reveled in the fact that she had caused him to momentarily lose the ability to speak. “Let’s stop pretending that sending my sister to therapy is going to solve anything, because we both know all it’s going to do is humiliate her and make her afraid to be who she is and feel how she feels. She won’t ever view me in a way that society deems ‘healthy’, because that’s just not who she is. And so fucking what if it isn’t? She’s bloody perfect the way she is; perfect for me, perfect for you, perfect for bloody _both_ of us, because we like to drown in her bullshit and without it, I guarantee you we’d both feel lost, because it’s all we know anymore.”

“You put too much stock in normalcy, Lucius,” Bellatrix told him bluntly, and yet was looking at her sister as she said it, reaching up to gently tuck a piece of errant hair behind her ear in a way that could only be considered loving. Narcissa’s breath left her, knowing they were all treading a dangerous line at this point, but unable to move to stop it. “Your child will probably turn out just as fucked as the rest of us, and that’s good, because we’ll at least know what to do with it. So why don’t you do us all a favor, and stop trying to change the way we’ve all lived for the last ten years; most of which you probably suspected something was off between us anyway, so it’s not like this is something _new._ Narcissa might be more honest about it now, but it’s been there for a long time, and I think you know that.”

“So, what?” Lucius asked, finally finding his voice as he stared at Bellatrix like he didn’t know what to even make of her anymore. “You’re just… _content_ to have her torture you for the rest of your life as she dangles something she won’t actually give you in front of your face? You actually find that to be an _okay_ solution to all of this? Just go on as we always had? She thinks what she’s doing to you is wrong, Bellatrix; so if she wants to change—”

“She doesn’t,” Bellatrix interrupted, looking him dead in the eyes as though daring him to ever believe differently. “She’s only saying she wants to because she doesn’t want you to leave her. It’s also why she’s being _annoyingly_ honest as of late, but I digress. Regardless, what she doesn’t get is that you’re _not_ going to leave her, are you? Not while she’s carrying your child, and certainly not afterwards. She’s holding your entire life in her hands, and the funny part is that even if she wasn’t, you’re too used to this fucked up life that we’ve all led that you’d come right back to her anyway. That’s the _real_ reason you wanted to knock her up; you wanted an excuse to stay… one that doesn’t make you look exactly like the masochist that you are.”

Lucius looked _grievously_ offended at that. “That is _not—_ ”

“It is,” Bellatrix interrupted, shutting him down. “You hate-fuck my sister, purposely come inside of her, and yet when you find out she’s not pregnant you still want to try anyway under this guise of bullshit and romance? Even though you got away, even though you had someone else? That’s utter _crap,_ Lucius, and I don’t buy it. But you know what? I don’t care. Your life with my sister is so bloody different and separate than my own, and I think that’s what neither of us realized. So you go play happy family with her, and while you’re at work or on babysitting duty she can continue to be a little cunt-tease to me just so she can find some kind of high in making me rub one out once she’s gone.”

Lucius’ jaw dropped at that, and his wasn’t the only one. Narcissa was _horrified_ that that was how Bellatrix was going to spin this, even though it was, arguably, so much better than the truth. Still, she didn’t want Lucius to think that she purposely sexually _teased_ her sister for some kind of power-trip, even though she did mention quite often that she ‘perpetuated’ it and didn’t ever explain _how._ This was a viable explanation as any, but the problem was that it felt far, far too explicit and wrong.

It was too late now though.

Bellatrix wasn’t done anyway, and so she continued, “What does it fucking matter, _honestly?_ What she does with me, and what she does with you? It doesn’t change how she feels about either of us. Even if she finally gave in and started fucking me, it wouldn’t affect _your_ life in the slightest; she’d still come home and kiss you and love you and jump on your dick when you asked because she loves having everything, and so she’d never choose one of us over the other. Because that’s been our issue forever, you know, and I’m finally starting realizing it; trying to make her _choose,_ when something like that isn’t in her selfish nature. So you know what? Time to fucking grow up. Time to fucking realize that there’s no bloody such thing as normal, and that everyone lives their sodding lives differently than the people next to them. What works for us might not work for anyone else, but who gives a fuck? It’s not like anyone’s going to know how we live our lives behind closed doors.”

Neither Narcissa nor Lucius could speak after that, not knowing what to say to something so… so brutally _honest_. Because it made sense, didn’t it? And that was the fucked up thing, because even with one look at her husband, she could tell that Lucius seemed to understand what Bellatrix was saying, and might even find something valid in it. And it was madness, because who would have thought that _Bellatrix_ would be the one to find a logical solution to all of this? She probably was even surprised at herself, as it seemed the longer she went on, the more the pieces began to fall into place for her, and it just… came out. 

“I… I need to sit down,” Lucius finally uttered, seemingly in a daze as he wandered over to the large armchair by the fireplace and practically fell into it, staring aimlessly at the far wall as he became lost in thought. 

“You do that,” Bellatrix dismissed before looking at her sister, who was just staring at her with wide, disbelieving eyes, unable to believe that all of that really just aired out in the open. Bellatrix hesitated for a moment, wetting her dry lips before she crossed the space between them and said softly, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She leaned down then, pressing a loving kiss to her sister’s cheek that made Narcissa’s eyes flutter closed of their own accord before she swallowed and nodded, still unable to find her voice. “Let me know if you end up going to therapy, or if this was enough to satisfy you,” Bellatrix told her as she straightened her spine in order to look back down at her. “Because you know all I want is for you to be happy, love, and I’m sorry, because I know you thought it would help, but I don’t think therapy is going to be what does that. This is just who we are, and maybe it’s time we all learned to accept that.”

And maybe she was right. Maybe all they really needed to find happiness in their lives was to accept the things they could not change, and enjoy what they had for what it was, and not what it could be. In the end, only time would tell, but for now… _now,_ Narcissa knew that she and Lucius needed to have a long conversation, because maybe, just maybe, what Bellatrix had suggested held merit after all.

Maybe _this_ was their normal, and maybe that was actually okay.

**TBC…**


	34. XXXIV. Autumn, 1979

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate to do this to you guys, but this is the last chapter I’m posting of this fic for awhile. Not because my muse died, or because I’m uninterested or anything, but because I’m finally working on an original novel and need to put all of my focus into that right now. I will be back though, I promise. This damn fic series is basically what I’m known for in fic circles, lmao. Thanks for your understanding :)

**CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR  
Autumn, 1979**

Narcissa did not end up going to her appointment with her Soul Mender.

Instead she laid in bed with her husband for a good portion of the day, talking about everything that Bellatrix had said. It seemed that, oddly, Bellatrix had actually managed to make an actual _point;_ not to mention create a viable solution for the problems that often plagued their ever-dueling relationships. Still, there was a lot to talk about, because even though Bellatrix happened to be _right_ about a great many things during her little tirade, that didn’t automatically mean that the conclusion she drew was the best solution for them. And it _certainly_ did not mean that Lucius was willing to just accept anything that Bellatrix said as actually being valid until he had a long time to think about it.

“…Are you angry with me?” Narcissa asked him softly as she lay on her side, her hands tucked under her head as she used them as a makeshift pillow. Her husband was on his back, staring up at the ceiling, and Narcissa was suddenly struck by how beautiful his profile was in this lighting as she allowed her gaze to travel across the outlines of his face.

She prayed their child got his looks; life would be so _easy_ for it if that happened, and considering how complicated things seemed to be in this household, it would be a blessing if the rest of it came rather effortlessly.

“For what?” Lucius asked, causing Narcissa to be torn out of her thoughts of their future baby as she allowed her gaze to refocus on him. To be honest, Narcissa was unsure if Lucius meant what _part,_ or if he was merely asking because he didn’t understand why he was supposed to be angry at all.

Most likely the former though, as there were certainly _many_ reasons for him to be angry with her now. Honestly, at this point he might do well to just bloody catalogue them.

“For… what my sister said,” Narcissa responded carefully, not particularly wanting to rehash the explicit details that Bellatrix had so carelessly thrown out there. “About what we—about how I interact with her, I guess.”

Lucius turned his head in order to catch her gaze, his expression seemingly asking if she was honestly serious about asking this question right now. “You already admitted to me before that you ‘perpetuated’ your sister’s infatuation with you, Narcissa; I didn’t ask _how_ for a reason, so let’s not talk about it now,” he told her, causing Narcissa to purse her lips in guilt. “Ignorance, in this case, might actually keep my bloody sanity; especially since there seems like nothing I can do to stop this from happening anymore.”

“No, that’s…!” Narcissa tried to deny, but seemingly lost her words for a moment as her brow creased in distress, realizing that maybe she wasn’t being fully honest. “I just… I don’t want you to feel like you’re trapped in this madness,” she told him softly, going a different route. “If you want me to get help, then I will. Forcing you to endure my obsession with my sister isn’t fair to you, even if it has been our version of ‘normal’ for years now.”

“You don’t _want_ to get help though, do you?” Lucius asked, his gaze connecting with Narcissa’s, who had to look away in shame because no, she did not. “I don’t want to force you to do something that’s going to make you unhappy either, Narcissa. Your anxiety about going to the Soul Mender today was awful, and I felt terrible for putting you through that.” 

“I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to learn to prioritize better though,” Narcissa whispered, wanting him to know that she hadn’t just agreed to get ‘help’ before solely because she wanted him not to leave her. “Our family still has to come first, and that’s something I need to work on. I just… would rather not tell a third party all of our secrets. The thought frightens me.”

Lucius nodded understandingly, realizing that perhaps that wasn’t the way to go about changing things. He was silent for a long moment then as he moved to lie on his back once more, his hands folded on his chest as he looked up at the ceiling. “You know, I spent _so_ long trying to ‘save’ you from her,” he finally mentioned, causing Narcissa to swallow a little as she watched him, a little nervous about where this was going. “I thought it’d be better for you if you were away from that kind of sickness; like it would make your life better and perhaps in turn make our relationship better, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that the _real_ reason I wanted her out of your life, was merely because I was afraid she would take you from me.”

Narcissa kept herself silent, her teeth biting softly on her bottom lip as she waited for her husband to finish, knowing that he had more to say just from the look in his eyes.

“And not in a—not in a romantic, or sexual way,” he explained, before he exhaled a small, disbelieving laugh. “Well, not at first. I just feared the bond the two of you had, and the hatred Bellatrix had for _me_ , and I was scared that should she ever tell you to stop loving me, or god forbid even divorce me, that you actually _would._ ”

“Lucius, no, I would _never—_ ” Narcissa tried, but Lucius interrupted her.

“I know,” he responded, finally looking back over to her again. “I know that now. I also know that Bellatrix feared me for the same reasons; I really think she was terrified that if I were ever to give you an ultimatum – her, or our marriage – that you might choose me over her. And that’s the bloody thing, isn’t it? Most of our sodding fights were because we were trying to make you _choose_ , and what’s actually bloody hilarious is that, when it came down to it, you’d never be able to, would you?”

Narcissa shook her head wordlessly because no, she could never choose one of them over the other. She loved them both. She _needed_ them both.

“I’ll never say that she was right; I’ll choke on my own bloody tongue before I do that,” Lucius continued, causing the corners of Narcissa’s lips to turn up into an amused smirk. “But maybe Bellatrix had a point. Without all of our paranoia, without our constant feuding as we vied for your attention so that you could ‘choose’ _right_ when the time finally came, our relationships rarely affected each other’s. You’re mostly with her when I’m not around, and it isn’t as though any of the… _weird_ things you seem to do with her have affected _us_ any when we’re finally together again. Well, except when she impregnated you, but that was a larger situation and a larger problem that had affected me before it happened anyway.”

Narcissa’s gaze fell downcast at that, hating when that time in their lives was brought up, because she knew she had gone about everything so _wrong._ Still, thankfully Lucius didn’t seem to want to get into that now either, and he continued speaking. 

“So maybe our solution _is_ simple,” he finished, catching Narcissa’s gaze when she finally looked up again. “Maybe we just need to stop trying to make you choose. Maybe we should stop giving a shit about your relationship with the other person and just learn to be happy with what we have. We waste so much _sodding_ time being bloody miserable, don’t we? And we’re starting a family soon; so I think… I think my attention is needed elsewhere now. I don’t have the effort or the time to fight Bellatrix anymore; I just don’t.”

It, honestly, was the way Narcissa prayed this would all turn out, as it was finally an acceptance from _both_ of her lovers that she was able to have both. Well, perhaps Lucius didn’t understand the _extent_ of which she had Bellatrix, but regardless, it was enough. And so she smiled softly, reaching forward to gently cup her husband’s cheek as her brow creased a little as she asked tentatively, “…Are you sure?”

Lucius nodded and then exhaled a small sigh, as though he finally realized how exhausted their previous way of living had made him. “Just don’t ever tell me what you do with her,” he begged, knowing his sanity probably wouldn’t be able to handle it. “Because there’s a part of me that thinks what Bellatrix said might be true, and that you _are_ very close to crossing that line and, Jesus, I just don’t want to know. I really don’t. I’m afraid it’ll make me look at you differently, and I don’t want that to happen. I want our life to be separate from yours with your sister, so just… don’t tell me what you do with her, and don’t tell her what you do with me. I think that might be our best solution to our very… _unorthodox_ problem; complete and total emotional separation.”

Narcissa nodded, completely agreeing with that as she tried not to grin at how… how bloody _happy_ she was right then. Lucius practically just gave her permission to _sleep_ with Bellatrix, so long as he didn’t have to hear about it. And obviously he still preferred that she did not, and he clearly hoped that she _would_ not, but Narcissa still saw it as permission all the same, because _he didn’t want to know._ That one singular thing made her guilt over what she did with her sister practically nonexistent then, because she wasn’t expected to admit it anymore. She wasn’t expected to be faithful, because Lucius honestly thought she was too deep into the madness at this point that it was only a matter of time before she actually fell into bed with Bellatrix. He bloody _anticipated_ that it would eventually happen, and so when Narcissa looked at him, she smiled softly and leaned forward, cupping her husband’s cheek in her hand as she gave him a soft kiss on the mouth.

“Have I ever told you that you’re perfect?” she breathed against his lips, causing Lucius to smirk softly at that, his fingers reaching forward to brush away the hair hanging in his wife’s eyes.

“Once or twice.”

“Well you are,” Narcissa reiterated with a smile, before she finally got serious and she searched her husband’s eyes as she looked down at him. “Thank you,” she breathed. “Thank you for understanding that I’m not perfect. Thank you for not thinking I’m a freak.”

Lucius looked up at her, his eyes searching her face like he was finally taking her in for everything that she was, the good and the bad, and when his lips met hers again, Narcissa could feel for the first time the _acceptance_ that he had for her, and for the life they led. And it was strange, it didn’t make sense at all, and yet it seemed like they had finally reached a solution that would benefit them both, and allow them to finally be happy. 

When Narcissa saw her sister the next day, it was she who went to her house, her strides purposeful once the house elf had let her into the manor. She stopped in the middle of the foyer though once she saw her sister enter the room, the other woman having heard the elf announce that she had a visitor. Bellatrix’s brow rose once her eyes laid on Narcissa though, taking in the long coat she wore that covered most everything save the fact that she was very clearly wearing dark stockings and huge pumps with spiked heels that looked more like weapons than actual fashion. That was the style Bellatrix liked though, and Narcissa saw her pupils dilate as she realized that she might very well have a present to unwrap. 

“…Shit,” she breathed, her eyes raking over her sister’s form. “I take it things went well with Lucius then, and that you’re not going to that bloody Soul Mender after all because, let’s face it, this probably would be in no way condoned.”

The corners of Narcissa’s lips twitched upwards into a small smirk before she held her sister’s gaze, her fingers going to the ties that bound her coat, beginning to untie it. “I’m here to thank you,” she told her purposefully as she opened her coat, revealing a black bustier and small panties held up by garters underneath. Bellatrix looked like she was about two seconds from ripping all of that off of her though and yet she did not move, a part of her enjoying the tease as she watched Narcissa slip the coat from her shoulders, allowing it to fall forgotten to the floor. 

“And to fuck you into the bloody _ground,_ ” she finished dramatically, watching Bellatrix’s breathing noticeably shallow at that. Her smirk widened, a brow being cocked in her direction as she playfully asked, “…Interested?”

“You know I fucking am,” Bellatrix told her, looking like Christmas had come early as she began to approach her. She stopped almost halfway there though, her nose scrunching up as she realized, “But… ah, there’s something you should know…”

As if on cue, Rodolphus rounded the corner with his nose in a pile of papers as he spoke, “Bellatrix, where the hell is the bloody deed to house? Nothing is ever fucking filed correctly in this hell hole and I don’t want to sodding lose it—“ But he chose then to look up, taking in Narcissa’s attire before his eyes went wide and he blurted out, “Jesus fucking _Christ,_ ” as he turned away from her and shielded his eyes, either trying to be respectful of her, or trying to save his own hide as staring at Narcissa for an extended period of time while she was wearing _that_ would put his bollocks at risk from his wife’s fury.

Probably the latter though.

“God _damnit,_ ” Narcissa swore, grabbing her coat off the floor as she rushed to cover herself. She was more annoyed than embarrassed though and she could hear Bellatrix chuckle in the background, apparently amused by the situation as Narcissa snapped, “Get _out!_ Can’t you see that we’re busy?!”

“You’re in the bloody _foyer!_ ” Rodolphus snapped back, just as annoyed as he continued to shield his eyes. “Last I checked, my wife had a fucking bedroom for you to be an incestuous slag in!”

“Oi!” Bellatrix shouted, not fond of the word he used to describe her sister. “ _Watch it_. I’d rather spend my time screwing my sister than removing your sodding _tongue,_ so don’t make me have to waste my time with her just because you don’t know how to shut your fucking mouth.” A beat, then a much calmer, yet thoroughly exasperated, “And the bloody deed is in with the other crap in one of the bedrooms upstairs; I saw it the other day. _Why?_ ”

Rodolphus’ expression leveled as he looked over at her. “Specific, thank you,” he told her sarcastically, which just caused Bellatrix to roll her eyes. “And I’d just like to get our affairs in order in case… anything happens.”

Narcissa’s eyes went wide at that, and Bellatrix’s expression masked over as she swore, “— _Fuck,”_ knowing that saying something like that was a surefire way to kill her sister’s mood. She of course tried to diffuse the situation though with a hasty, “Don’t listen to him, Cissy; he’s just being paranoid—”

“ _Why?_ ” Narcissa asked, speaking directly to Rodolphus as she pushed past her sister, her heart beginning to pound in her chest. “Why now? Jesus Christ, Rodolphus; what the _fuck_ isn’t my sister telling me?!” She grabbed her brother-in-law then, forcing him to turn around and face her. Unfortunately, since she didn’t retie her coat and her hands were otherwise occupied, it fell open once more, revealing her outfit to Rodolphus who almost comically slapped a hand over his eyes.

“Can’t you bloody tie that or something? For _fuck’s_ sake, Narcissa; not everybody wants to see you half fucking naked!”

But Narcissa didn’t care, much too concerned with why Rodolphus felt he needed to get their affairs in order _now._ It frightened her, and she was starting to feel rather ill. “ _Tell me!_ ” she demanded loudly, practically shaking him.

“It’s _nothing,_ Cissy, relax!” Bellatrix exclaimed, grabbing her sister’s wrist as she pulled her away from her husband. But Narcissa’s fear was beginning to etch all over her face, her eyes starting to well up with tears, and Bellatrix swore loudly before rounding on Rodolphus. “Great, _thanks._ Now I’m never going to get bloody laid! Get the fuck out, you useless cunt. I’ll deal with you later.”

Rodolphus audibly scoffed, but did do as he was told, seeing as he _certainly_ did not want to stick around there and be abused. Gathering back up his stack of papers he headed up the stairs, leaving the two sisters alone in the foyer. Narcissa was staring at Bellatrix, trying not to allow her fear to consume her completely as she fought the urge to let her tears fall.

“—Tell me,” she demanded softly, her gaze unwavering. 

Bellatrix sighed heavily, knowing she wasn’t going to get around this. “The… bloody Ministry is putting the whole ‘should we use Unforgivables on Death Eaters’ thing up for another vote, alright?” she admitted, causing rocks to inhabit her sister’s stomach. “Rodolphus thinks it might pass this time and just wants our shit in order in case something happens, _which it won’t._ Alright? You know it won’t, Cissy. Well, _he_ might get himself bloody killed cause he’s a useless twat most days, but you know I’m too good to be killed by some Ministry wank, and that Lucius is rarely on the frontlines of the war. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Jesus…” Narcissa breathed in distress, a hand coming up over her mouth as everything she feared began hitting her at once. She knew this would probably happen eventually, but she didn’t want it to be this _soon._ “I.. I need to sit down…”

Bellatrix exhaled another long sigh, but weaved her sister’s fingers in her own as she led her towards the couch in the other room. After coaxing her to sit down, Bellatrix knelt in front of her so she could have her sister’s undivided attention, covering her hands in her own as she clasped them on her sister’s lap. “Cissy, look at me,” she tried softly, watching Narcissa swallow hard as she allowed her gaze to rest on her. “ _Nothing_ is going to happen to the people that you love, do you hear me? I swear it. The bloody law hasn’t even been passed yet; it might not even _get_ that far, so just please, relax, okay?”

But Narcissa was too wrapped up in her own fear, her entire face crumpling before Bellatrix reached up, grasping her cheek as she said, “ _Hey,_ ” in a strong voice, trying to get her out of her own head. “None of that right now, okay? You came over bloody _happy,_ Cissy, so let’s focus on that, yeah?” 

Narcissa swallowed hard and nodded, knowing that Bellatrix was right; whether the law passed or not, she couldn’t do anything about it. It wasn’t like she could just demand that they back out of this war, because then _Voldemort_ would be the one to kill them. In the end, all she could do was try not to think about it, and hope that nothing terrible happened to the people that she loved.

Bellatrix smiled up at her, clasping her hands over hers once more as she encouraged, “Tell me what happened when you spoke to Lucius,” she requested, just trying to get Narcissa into another frame of mind as she distracted her with smiles and soft touches. “I’m assuming he finally saw bloody reason, as you came over here ready to bang my brains out and not to tell me that we need ‘space’ from one another, or whatever bullshit thing the Soul Mender would have recommended you do.”

Despite how afraid she still was for their safety, Bellatrix’s words reminded Narcissa very vividly of the conversation she had had with Lucius the previous day, and a small smile peaked out as she looked up from their clasped hands to meet her sister’s gaze. Bellatrix’s smile widened at seeing her sister’s, and she untangled their hands for a moment to reach out and gently tuck a piece of hair behind Narcissa’s ear. 

“You’re beautiful when you smile, Cissy,” she told her, which made Narcissa’s cheeks tinge a little pink before her small smile grew larger at the compliment. “So, what happened?” she asked, trying to keep Narcissa focused on one thing as she encouraged her to tell her with her eyes. “Whatever it is, it must be good, because I haven’t seen you smile like that in a while.”

Narcissa nodded, pursing her lips for a moment to try to stop smiling so much, as she was certain she was starting to look foolish. “Lucius, he, um…” she began before wetting her dry lips and looking back up at her sister. Despite her efforts, her smile peaked out once more. “He’s… letting me be with you.”

“Well, obviously,” Bellatrix responded, not getting what she was saying. “You’re here now, aren’t you?”

“No,” Narcissa told her, connecting her gaze with the woman kneeling in front of her, looking at her meaningfully. “He’s letting me _be_ with you, Bella...”

Bellatrix stared at her for a long moment, seemingly not getting it, until suddenly she _did_ and shock covered her entire expression and she stood straight up and exclaimed, “Wait, _what?_ ” She must have thought Narcissa had misunderstood her husband though, because she asked, “He didn’t—he actually _said_ that; like those exact bloody words? I thought he didn’t know that we were sleeping together; how the hell did he know that you wanted to— I don’t know, _whatever_ with me?! Fuck me, or be romantically involved, or—”

“No, he—he doesn’t,” Narcissa tried to explain, knowing that perhaps she shouldn’t have used those exact words, as it was still her inferring an assumption. “He doesn’t know, or even _think_ that we’re sleeping together or are romantically involved to _that_ extent right now, Bella, but he… he thinks I’m probably going to eventually. He said, and I quote, that he ‘thinks that I might actually be very close to crossing that line with you’. So he just—he asked me to never tell him what I do with you; he said he’s afraid it’ll make him look at me differently, and he… he doesn’t want that. He’s trying to make it work with us by doing what you said; you know, not… making me choose. He’s just—he’s _accepting_ this, Bella. Or, at the very least, choosing to ignore it. Either way though, I...” Narcissa trailed off, smiling wide as she looked at her sister across from her. “I feel… _okay;_ for the first time in a long time, Bella, I feel like everything might actually be _okay…_ ”

Bellatrix however, did not look as pleased as Narcissa thought she would. Instead, she looked a little wary. “I don’t know, Cissy… I mean, I understand what you think this means, but you need to understand that Lucius is _desperate_ to make things work with you right now. You’re about to start a family, and he doesn’t want to fuck that up. We still have to be very, very careful. He might think he’s okay with it now because he feels he has no other option _but_ to be okay with it, but that could change if he ever saw… well, _anything_ that we do to one another.”

“I know that,” Narcissa responded, exhaling a small, exasperated sigh. “I’m not saying we should be all romantic and whatnot to one another when he’s around; Lucius said _specifically_ that he ‘doesn’t want to know.’ I understand what that means. I’m just saying that maybe, for once, it won’t be a bloody World War between the two of you since neither of you expect me to ‘choose’ between the both of you anymore. Isn’t this what you wanted? It was _your_ little tirade that even made this possible, you know. Neither of us would have ever looked at things this way if it wasn’t for you.”

“Of course this is what I wanted, but I’m just reminding you that this isn’t an invitation to be more open with your relationship with me,” Bellatrix responded, trying to make her understand. “I know you, and when you start to feel comfortable, you let your guard down. I’m just reminding you that you can’t do that, that’s all.”

Narcissa rolled her eyes. “Why are you always such a bloody buzz kill?” she complained, grasping onto her sister’s wrist as she playfully encouraged her to come back down to the couch and straddle her hips. When Bellatrix did so, Narcissa’s hands went to her thighs, running them up beneath the woman’s robes and feeling the soft skin underneath as she looked up at her. “Can’t you just be pleased for once? You _won._ I’m not going to therapy, I don’t have to try to figure out how to make our relationship more ‘normal’… you got what you wanted, so just be _happy_ please.”

“I am,” Bellatrix assured her, her fingers parting the flaps on Narcissa’s coat as she looked down at her little ‘thank you’ present. She smirked. “I’m _especially_ fucking happy that you came over here wearing _that_ too, by the way…”

“Oh, really? Then why aren’t you taking advantage of it yet?” Narcissa challenged, quirking an eyebrow at her sister before she allowed her fingers to curl, raking her nails down her sister’s thighs in a way that made Bellatrix groan softly, her weight shifting on the blonde’s lap as she allowed herself to get some friction against Narcissa’s thigh.

“Oh, _trust_ me,” Bellatrix breathed, a wicked smirk adorning her face as she shifted, allowing herself to slide off her sister’s lap and back down to kneel before her. Two strong hands grasped Narcissa’s thighs, forcefully parting them as she placed herself between them, before Bellatrix wrapped her arms around them and _pulled_ towards her, causing Narcissa’s arse to suddenly slide towards the edge of the couch as the blonde exhaled a small sound of surprise. “I fucking plan to.”

Her lips went to the inside of Narcissa’s thigh then, placing hot, open-mouthed kisses against her skin that caused the blonde to squirm in pleasure. Still… “We’re in— the middle of the bloody _parlor_ , Bella, and your husband is home…”

“If he knows what’s good for him, _trust_ me, he’ll stay upstairs. Just be loud enough so he knows not to come down here,” Bellatrix responded, like she actually thought Narcissa would be _okay_ with having her brother-in-law hear her getting pleasured. She didn’t have a chance to respond though, as suddenly the other woman’s hand was wrapped around the flimsy fabric of her knickers, using one, quick, rough movement to tear them right from her body. 

“ _Bella—!_ ” Narcissa tried to protest, because surely it wouldn’t be difficult to move to the bedroom, and yet suddenly her sister’s mouth was on her and she had to stifle a moan as she grabbed at the wild mane of hair between her thighs, her fingers curling as she roughly pulled at it. Instead of taking that as a ‘please stop until we get somewhere private’ gesture though, Bellatrix apparently took it to mean ‘please suck on my clit until I start practically sobbing in pleasure’, because that was exactly what she began to do. Narcissa’s eyes screwed shut as she breathed out, “Oh— _fuck,_ ” her head falling against the back of the couch, half in pleasure and half in defeat.

Maybe Rodolphus would value his life enough to not come spying.

Her knees were spread and pointed to the ceiling, the spikes of her heels digging into the upholstery as Narcissa pushed her pelvis towards her sister’s face, feeling her begin to nip and suck lightly on her labia before ultimately focusing once more on her clit. “ _Jesus,_ Narcissa breathed appreciatively, one of her hands coming up to tangle in her own hair before her other went to her breast, pulling down the fabric of her bustier just enough so she could play with her own nipple. “You’re… _God,_ you have no idea how good you are at this…”

Not that Narcissa had been with a great many people in order to compare, but _this_ was Bellatrix’s forte. She was great when it came to anything sexual, yes, but she _excelled_ at eating her out. She could feel Bellatrix smirk between her thighs though before she lifted her head up, allowing her fingers to replace her mouth for a moment as she told her, “Oh _believe_ me, Cissy; I know. Your legs literally fucking _twitch_ every time I’m down there.”

That actually made Narcissa blush a little as she averted her eyes and mumbled, “Shut up,” before she realized they were going about this all wrong _anyway,_ and her nose screwed up in a little defiant expression before she lifted her leg, placing her heel on her sister’s shoulder before she gently pushed her away from her and down to the floor.

“And this is supposed to be _your_ present; stop distracting me.”

Bellatrix just smirked though, not one to take direction well unless it suited _her_ wants and desires. So instead of listening and allowing Narcissa to take the reins, she pushed herself off the ground and used the flat of her hand to keep Narcissa on the couch instead of allowing her to move, causing the blonde to exhale an indignant squawk as her sister climbed on top of her, trapping her. 

“My present, remember?” Bellatrix taunted her, amused by how annoyed her sister looked at being unable to do whatever it was that she had actually planned. Her hand fell between their bodies, coming to rest at the scorching heat between Narcissa’s thighs as the younger woman sharply inhaled. Bellatrix’s brow quirked as she finished, “That means we do things my way.”

“ _Bella—_ ” Narcissa tried to protest, but it was swallowed by a deep gasp as two fingers entered her body. The brunette’s smirk widened. “God, you’re so… you’re— _infuriating…_ ”

“You love it,” Bellatrix breathed against her lips, her fingers twisting inside of her as she caused her sister to grasp almost painfully onto her arm as her eyes fell closed in pleasure. 

Because yes, yes she did.

And it should have been perfect, it should have been everything that Narcissa wanted; both of her lovers had seemed to accept the other in her life, and the days of them fighting one another over her attention was over. Narcissa and Lucius had a baby on the way, she and Bellatrix were finally in a good place, and it should have been _amazing;_ it should have been perfect, in almost every way imaginable.

And it was… until one cold day in early November.

Narcissa felt like she could barely breathe. She clutched at her chest as she tried desperately to hold herself upright as she stared at her sister’s impassive expression in disbelief and horror, hardly able to comprehend how callous and uncaring she was being right then. The specifics didn’t matter to her right then, the _reason_ was so unimportant compared to the fact that it had happened at all, and as Narcissa’s legs finally gave out from underneath her, she felt the strong arms of her husband try to steady her on her feet.

“No, get _off_ of me!” Narcissa shrieked, ripping herself out of Lucius’ arms as she stumbled back and stared at him as though she didn’t know who he was anymore either. “You _knew_ about this, didn’t you?!”

Lucius’ lips formed a tight, apologetic line, and he said nothing. It was as if he screamed the answer that Narcissa had feared, and tears began to well up in her eyes.

“He got what he deserved,” Bellatrix told her, as though that explained everything; as though that made it _okay._ “We’re only explaining the truth to you as a courtesy; but it’s best to put it out of your mind now and move on.” Her brown eyes were cold and devoid of any care that she might have one held for the person in question, and Narcissa felt like something inside of her had split clean in half. 

Something dark and ugly and _angry_ rose up in Narcissa then, and she screeched something unintelligible at her sister before she pushed her backwards with all of her strength. “He was our baby fucking _cousin,_ you heartless wench!” she shouted, some of the words breaking in the back of her throat as she watched Bellatrix stumble and nearly fall. Unfortunately she had managed to steady herself though, and her sister’s impassive look masked over to one of fury at the way she was being shouted at.

“Regulus was a traitorous bastard, and you’ll do well to sodding remember that less you’re so keen to join him in the Underworld!” she shouted back at her, furiously readjusting her robes that Narcissa’s angry touch had crumpled. “Do you understand me, Narcissa? You are _never_ to speak his name again. We _have_ no more cousins; not anymore.”

“Fuck you,” Narcissa spat, tears beginning to run down her cheeks in lines. “You say he betrayed the Dark Lord, you _say_ Regulus did something unforgivable, and yet you don’t actually know what he did, did you?!” Because the one thing that Narcissa had noticed was the distinct lack of details in Bellatrix and Lucius’ explanation of why Regulus had been killed. “You just take that… that _man,_ if you can even bloody call him that, at his word, don’t you? But you don’t _know;_ you don’t know if Regulus was killed for betraying him, or if he was killed for no sodding reason at all other than the fact that that _thing_ that you call ‘Lord’, is a murderous, blood-thirsty tyrant!”

The slap that followed rang through the Malfoy’s parlor, the force of it nearly knocking Narcissa off of her feet as a terrible burning sensation ripped through her cheek.

“Bellatrix, she’s _pregnant!_ ” Lucius roared at his sister-in-law as he ran to his wife’s aid, apparently only caring about that, and not the fact that Narcissa had even been hit like that in the first place. He must think she deserved it. And maybe she did, but Narcissa didn’t regret her words; she knew they were true, whether or not her sister or husband wanted to recognize them as such. 

Narcissa pushed Lucius off of her though, not wanting his help or his sympathy or _anything_ from him right now when he knew… he _knew_ that this had happened, and yet chose not to tell her until Bellatrix deemed it the time to finally reveal the truth. Narcissa had known that Regulus had been missing at least for the last couple days; Walburga was having an absolute meltdown over the fact that her son was supposed to come home last weekend and yet did not, but when Narcissa expressed her concerns to Lucius, he had lied to her and told her that Regulus was just off doing something for the Dark Lord, and that Regulus hadn’t yet revealed the extent of his involvement in the war to his mother and had probably just forgotten to write to her to inform her of his delay. Lucius had told her not to worry, and yet… yet only _days fucking later_ he had the nerve to stand next to Bellatrix and deliver news that he knew Narcissa deserved to hear long before this.

But it was always up to _Bellatrix_ wasn’t it? Anything to do with the Dark Lord, Lucius always deferred to her, because she had always ranked higher than he in Voldemort’s eyes.

“She’ll be _dead_ if she doesn’t learn to shut her fucking mouth!” Bellatrix snapped back at her brother-in-law, and at least now her anger clearly held a fair amount of fear intermixed in it. Narcissa wished she could revel in her ability to cause her sister despair, and yet all she felt was sick. “Her _and_ your sodding child that she’s carrying, so if you care so much then make her see _sense_ , you useless twat! Don’t you understand what will happen if anyone other than us hears her speaking this way?!”

“The walls don’t have _ears_ , you paranoid harpy,” Lucius responded irritably, believing her to be overreacting as despite its treasonous nature, it _was_ still uttered in the privacy of their own home. Narcissa knew though that Bellatrix feared how irrational she got when she was emotional however, and knew if she didn’t strike fear into her over the subject, then it was only a matter of time until she said something she shouldn’t in public.

Bellatrix looked like she was about to retort, but she didn’t get the chance because all of a sudden Narcissa blanched and scrambled towards the nearest bathroom. She almost didn’t make it, but her knees ended up hitting the linoleum flooring in front of the toilet before she emptied the contents of her stomach into the loo. She coughed and spat, practically able to hear the eyeroll in her sister’s tone.

“Christ, Cissy; there’s no need to be bloody dramatic. You and Regulus might have been close once when you were children, but that time has long past. Get your shit together.”

“It’s _morning sickness,_ genius,” Lucius snapped at her as he tried to assist his wife by pulling back her hair. Narcissa just elbowed him back though, a snarl on her lips as she snapped at him to stop touching her. Hadn’t she been clear enough before? She didn’t want his sympathy for this or for anything else in the foreseeable future. 

“It’s seven thirty at night!”

“I was sick off and on all bloody day when I was pregnant with Aquila in the first trimester too, but I’m surprised you didn’t fucking notice then either since the only thing you seem to sodding care about is your precious little _Lord!_ ” Narcissa screeched at her, her heart clenching painfully in her chest as she said their daughter’s name out loud without any kind of forethought as to what she was dredging up again. But she couldn’t dwell on that; not now. It wasn’t fair to Regulus’ memory to allow the past to overshadow what had just happened. 

“Just get out,” Narcissa ordered her sister in a weak, sickly sounding voice, picking herself up off of the floor as she wiped her hair away from her sweaty forehead. “Just get the fuck out, you selfish cow. You’ve made it _painfully_ obvious where your priorities lie, and the reality of it is sickening me. That man that you worship is stripping you of everyone that you’ve ever loved, and you don’t even _care._ First Gwen, now Regulus— who’s next, Bella? _Me?_ Would you even seek retribution for me should he strike me down, or would you try to rationalize it like you do with every bloody thing else?!”

“Oh, don’t give me that, Cissy,” Bellatrix snapped back, looking at her sister incuriously. “You and I both know that how I feel for you is bloody _incomparable_ to anyone else who ever has or ever will be in my life, so don’t think for one sodding second that I would—”

“Why, because you’re _in love_ with me?” Narcissa cut her off, and her words were heavy with mockery due to the anger and hurt she felt inside. It wasn’t because she didn’t believe it to be true, but she knew the more scathing she said the words, the more it would hurt Bellatrix, and so she made it sound like a joke. And maybe, on some level, it really was; after all, Bellatrix pretended her love for her was this end all, be all, but the fact of the matter was that Narcissa was not the only person she had ever fallen in love with. 

“And what was Gwen, huh?” Narcissa continued heatedly, advancing out of the bathroom to get into her sister’s face as she voiced a truth that Bellatrix probably believed she would never want to touch or acknowledge. “You loved her, she was you _first_ love, and yet all she was worth to you was one courtesy fucking breakdown before you decided that she actually did ‘deserve’ what she got. So don’t you dare stand in front of me and tell me that I’m different, because love is love, and you _spat_ on the one you claimed to have once shared with her.”

And maybe it was a testament to how much she had grown, but for once the realization that she didn’t always hold all of Bellatrix’s heart didn’t hurt her, or make her feel less than adequate. Narcissa had always shied away from the topic of Gwendolyn for those very reasons but in the end, what came from vehemently denying the past? Nothing. Bellatrix had loved her, they had loved each _other_ , and even though they hadn’t been together when Gwendolyn passed, it didn’t make that love mean any less. 

A mixture of intense emotion washed over Bellatrix’s face at those words; anger, pain, helplessness. Helplessness, of course, because she wanted to hit her again for that, but Lucius’ reminder of her pregnancy still must have rung clearly in her mind, because Narcissa just watched her clench and unclench her fist at her side, her entire posture rigid with contained fury.

“You are sodding _lucky—_ ” Bellatrix began slowly, but Narcissa interrupted her.

“What, that you can’t backhand me across the bloody parlor for telling you the _truth_ that you can’t bear to recognize as reality?” Narcissa challenged, seeing her husband come to stand next to her in her peripheral, no doubt worried about how this might play out. He was silent though, at least knowing better than to get in between Narcissa’s fights with her sister, but also that he wasn’t wanted as some kind of protector either.

“You don’t get to _speak_ about Gwen,” Bellatrix continued dangerously, trying to keep her temper under control. “You don’t know _anything_ about us, or how I felt about her, or how I chose to deal with the bloody situation that she had gotten herself into. But that’s your fucking problem, Cissy; you think you know it all, but in reality you’re ignorant to the world around you, because all you can sodding see is _yourself._ The world is bigger than you and how _you_ feel, so why don’t you do us all a favor and shut your fat mouth before it gets you into more trouble than you know how to deal with.”

Narcissa furiously sucked on her teeth for a moment as she stared at her sister, beginning to realize that she might as well be talking to a wall for all the good it did. In the end, Bellatrix compartmentalized and rationalized anything that Voldemort did; she would never see the truth of it, not really. She was far too blinded.

And it sickened Narcissa, truly, and for once she realized that perhaps it was better if she distanced herself from it instead of diving in head first in order to find a solution that she was beginning to believe may not even exist. All it did was drive them both mental anyway.

So instead of dignifying any of that bollocks with an actual answer, Narcissa just shook her head as she shot her sister a disgusted look, moving past her towards the foyer without so much as a word.

“Where the bloody hell do you think you’re going?” Bellatrix snapped as she whirled around to watch her sister’s form retreat into the other room.

“ _Out,_ ” Narcissa ground out through her teeth as she grabbed her coat off the rack, throwing it around her form. She could hear the footsteps of both her sister and husband as they followed after her, no doubt actually concerned by this turn of events, as Narcissa had never _ran_ from anything involving their family disputes. Looking at either of them right now though was making her ill, and she had the baby to think about. No doubt if she got herself too worked up, it would negatively affect her pregnancy. That was the last thing she wanted.

“Out _where?_ ” Lucius asked, his tone almost flabbergasted as he looked at her as though this had to be some kind of joke, or maybe just some of her usual dramatics. “Narcissa, it’s late and you’re—”

“ _Pregnant,_ yes, thank you, I’m aware,” Narcissa spat, irritated that he made it seem like just because she was carrying a life inside of her, that made her fragile. “And it’s because of that I’m bloody leaving; even just _looking_ at the two of you right now is upsetting me too much, and this kind of sickness and stress cannot be good for the baby. So instead of telling you both to fuck off and have you both not _listen_ like sodding usual, I’m taking myself out the equation. I’ll be back later, or perhaps in the morning. I haven’t decided yet, but either way I don’t want either of you following me. You _really_ won’t like what comes next if you do.”

“ _Narcissa—_ ” Lucius tried, as Bellatrix snapped angrily, “You can’t just up and fucking—” _Leave,_ was probably the end of that sentence, but Narcissa didn’t wait around to hear it as she turned on the spot and disapparated away from her two lovers, desperate beyond measure to have space from them both.

She understood, logically, why they felt the need to defend Voldemort’s decision to kill Regulus; they were a part of his inner group, and to speak out against him would be treason. Regardless though, Regulus was their _family,_ and to just hear the death of an eighteen year old boy try to be justified was sickening beyond measure. Regulus was practically still a child; he had his whole life ahead of him and it was just… just _taken_ from him. Swiftly and brutally, no doubt.

Narcissa eyes welled up with tears at the thought when she arrived at her destination, but she tried desperately not to think about it. Crying about it wouldn’t make Regulus come back, and she didn’t want to make things awkward when she was about to be a guest in someone else’s home. 

Well, she hoped, anyway. She didn’t get a formal invitation to come round, so if this wasn’t received well it could come off as terribly rude, but Cassandra had been begging her to come by recently as it had been awhile since they had caught up with one another, and now seemed a good a time as any as her two main distractions in her life – Bellatrix and Lucius – were not a factor right now.

After ringing the doorbell and being greeted by the house elf, Narcissa stepped into the foyer to be greeted by a surprised, yet excited Cassandra. “Cissa!” she greeted, apparently not caring that she was in her night gown and her hair was all rolled up in curlers. She was clearly not in any state to entertain and Narcissa felt badly about that, but honestly it seemed Cassandra didn’t even care. 

“Can’t believe you’re ‘ere,” the other woman said as she wasted no time wrapping the other woman up in a fierce huge. “You’re alright though, yeah? Nothin’—” she tried, sounding concerned and probably for good reason seeing as it was nearly ten at night, but Narcissa, being overly paranoid at literally everything concerning her pregnancy stepped away from the tight embrace as she placed a protective hand over her abdomen.

“ _Careful,_ ” she reminded her, but not just for her own pregnancy but for Cassandra’s as well. The other woman was definitely showing now though, and not just looking like she had perhaps just gained a little bit of weight like she was the last time she saw her. Cassandra was significantly farther along than Narcissa was though, by at least four months, so it stood to reason. Still, even though Narcissa wasn’t showing at _all,_ she was still very cautious about anything touching her abdomen. It was just habit.

She already lost one child, and so she would be _damned_ if she lost another, even if her efforts to prevent anything bad happening just ended up making her look insanely paranoid and overly cautious. Better safe than sorry, after all.

Cassandra rolled her eyes at her though. “A hug ain’t gonna ‘urt ‘em, Cissa,” she responded exasperatedly before it seemed to really hit her that this was the first time she had seen her best friend since Narcissa had written to her to announce her own big news, and a huge smile broke out over her face.

“Can ya believe it though?” she continued, rubbing the swell of her own belly while she looked at her friend. “Us, pregnant at the same time; bloody perfect, it is! Our kids’ll grow up together; maybe even be best friends like us! _Oh,_ I forgot to tell ya!” Cassandra continued as she grabbed Narcissa’s hand, leading her into the parlor so they could actually sit down and talk instead of just standing awkwardly in the foyer. “Urs is pregnant too; just told me like two days ago, she did! An’—”

“Wait, who?” Narcissa asked after she had sat down, confusion masking over her features as she tried to place the name. She was almost certain she had never heard it in her life though.

Cassandra looked at her like she was being thick. “Ursula _Crabbe,_ one of your husband’s best friend’s wives? Honestly, Cissa; you must have met her before.”

Oh. _Her._

“An ugly name to match her ugly face; I’m not surprised,” Narcissa responded in a snooty tone, crossing one leg over the other as she sat back on the couch next to her friend. “No, I don’t associate with her. Honestly I’m surprised you _do._ ”

“She was in my year,” Cassandra defended, her nose wrinkling a little in distaste at the way Narcissa always situated herself much higher than others based on superficial reasons. They had never seen eye to eye about those matters though, unfortunately, and definitely more now that Cassandra had seemed to find a voice and actual independence. “An’ besides, looks aren’t everythin’, y’know. Know you’re shallow as a fountain an’ all, but she’s real nice. ‘Sides, when our ‘usbands are off doin’ work an’ all that, get’s lonely. Wish you were round more ‘onestly, but the mental one has always gotten the most of your time, it seems.”

 

Narcissa pursed her lips at that, but didn’t contradict Cassandra’s classification of her sister. She knew it was just out of jealousy, seeing as she clearly wished that they were able to spend more time with one another. And in the end, it wasn’t as though that was an unreasonable wish; if Narcissa wasn’t so bloody obsessed with Bellatrix, then she _would_ have more time for her friends like normal people. 

But she wasn’t normal. Not in the slightest.

“Regardless,” Cassandra continued, not really allowing Narcissa a moment to defend herself for being shallow (which she was) and completely focused on Bellatrix (which was also very true, so honestly what would even be the point of arguing against either of those points?). “Just figured it’d be cool, yeah? If all our kids liked each other, growin’ up together like our ‘usbands did? An’ we could see each other all the time, y’know; play-dates an’ all. Be wicked, ‘onestly. ‘Ope it ‘appens, cause I’ve been a right lonely mess as o’ late.”

Narcissa bit guiltily on her bottom lip at that, knowing she played a part in her friend’s loneliness. Cassandra didn’t have a constant like she had with Bellatrix and up until now, Narcissa honestly thought she was Cassandra’s only friend. Apparently she had found one in this… _Ursula_ woman, but still; it obviously wasn’t enough.

“I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized, her tone sincere as she put a hand on her friend’s thigh, gently squeezing it “I know I’ve been… distant. Well, maybe I’ve always been distant, I don’t know; my life’s a bloody mess most days, and I’m still trying to figure it all out. I’d make excuses, but we both know it’d be just that as I’ve always kind of… focused on my _own_ life before anyone else’s. I’m sorry, it really is something I’m trying to work on.”

“…I know,” Cassandra responded softly, as she was more than aware of Narcissa’s mental health issues, and had seen firsthand that there had been improvements, even if they weren’t as drastic as the people around her probably hoped they would be by now. “An’ I know ya got a lot goin’ on right now, Cissa; the baby, gettin’ back with your ‘usband… how’s that goin’, by the way? ‘E stop bein’ an adulterin’ prick?”

“Hey, its not as though I didn’t do my fair of cheating either when we were separated,” Narcissa lightly defended her husband, giving Cassandra a pointed look even though most of said ‘cheating’ was done with her own sister. Regardless, neither of them were faithful in their marriage for a time; if you can even expect such a thing anyway when a marriage dissolves into being nothing more than mere formality. It didn’t matter now though.

Cassandra smirked at that, giving Narcissa a look that made the blonde’s cheeks flush a little as she looked down. But it was too complicated, with everything else that was going on right now, _God,_ it was just far too fucking complicated, and so Narcissa softly began with an apologetic, “Cass…”

“I know,” Cassandra interrupted, already understanding what it was that Narcissa was going to say. “Told ya before that a good time to experiment was when your ‘usband and you were on the outs but… you’re not now, yeah? You’re tryin’ to fix things an’ all, so I figured. Right now’s shit for all that anyway, yeah? Babies comin’ an’ everythin’… havin’ some type of affair’d just make things too messy. Don’t want that for either of our families.”

Narcissa nodded as she felt her friend slide her hand over the one that was still on her friend’s thigh so she turned it around and laced their fingers, squeezing gently. “Thanks,” she softly replied. “And believe me, if my whole entire bloody life wasn’t so damned complicated, I would have _loved_ to...” But Narcissa trailed off for a second, her cheeks coloring a little pink as she admitted softly, “I would have loved to… _indulge_ in you, but…”

“I get it, Cissa,” Cassandra responded, her tone completely understanding. “An’ honestly, stoppin’s probably good for me too; got the baby comin’, an’ I realized I wasn’t always thinkin’ ‘bout Peter when I rub one out anymore—”

“ _Cass!_ ” Narcissa exclaimed feeling scandalized and embarrassed, yet also very flattered at the blunt admission as she placed her hands over her mouth.

“What? Don’t pretend ya don’t masturbate, Cissa; flat out lie, that’d be.”

Narcissa pinched the bridge of her nose, wishing she didn’t feel her ears begin to heat up as she hid her face a little from the question both women already knew the answer too. “Anyway,” Cassandra continued, thankfully having the decency to not poke fun at Narcissa’s blatant embarrassment. “Just sayin’ that it was fun an’ all, but I don’t want it confusin’ my marriage either; not when we’re about to start a family.”

“Right, that’s… that’s what I meant too,” Narcissa responded a little too quickly, although mostly because she still felt a little embarrassed. Cassandra just smirked at her though, causing Narcissa to roll her eyes and push the woman’s leg a little exasperatedly, “Just shut up, alright? You know I’m often thrown off balance by your forwardness; honestly, half the time I think you do it on purpose because you think it’s funny to make me flustered.”

Cassandra laughed. “Guilty, ain’t gonna lie,” she responded playfully before she got serious again, getting back on topic before the conversation of their brief affair had taken things for a turn. “But really… things’re good again, yeah? You’re happy?”

Narcissa gently smiled, touched by her friend’s genuine concern for her happiness. “Yeah,” she responded softly, “Yeah, I am. Lucius and I… I think we’re finally beginning to realize that we don’t have to have absolute normalcy to be happy, which has… plagued our family for a long time. I also think my husband and my sister have settled their war with one another, which is more than I ever expected. I think, for once… things might actually be okay. I mean, so long as I learn to ignore the… _vile_ repercussions of their pureblood movement, that is, because honestly sometimes I can’t fucking stomach it.”

Cassandra’s brow furrowed at that, the obvious question left not verbalized, but Narcissa just shook her head, not wanting to get into that right now. “Never mind, I really don’t wish to talk about it right now, but it’s… why I’m not home right now. I just couldn’t bear to be around them for another second.”

Cassandra pursed her lips in sympathy of her friend’s plight, understanding where she was coming from. “I tell Peter not to tell me,” she admitted. “Don’t like to know all ‘e does, y’know? Like to pretend it’s not really ‘im. I get what he’s doin’ is important, but I’ve never been much for war an’ stuff. Violent an’ depressin’, it is.” Narcissa nodded silently, eyes downcast before Cassandra put her hand on her knee, coaxing the blonde to look up at her. 

“Know it’s shit, but look at all you got now,” Cassandra told her. “You’re gonna ‘ave a family an’ all… focus on that, yeah? Bein’ ‘appy – like really, really ‘appy – is ‘ard; there’s always gonna be somethin’ that wants to ruin it, but don’t let it, okay? You went through shit with Lucius, but ya got him back now. Enjoy it, even if ya have to pretend other things don’t exist. Better in the long run; swear to you.”

“…Yeah?” Narcissa asked, wondering if that wasn’t just another way of going mental; escaping the entirety of reality to only focus on bits and pieces of it. But even if it was, perhaps it would be worth it. Narcissa _hated_ the callous causality that both her sister and husband approached the subject of her cousin’s death, but hating them for it wouldn’t bring Regulus back. It wouldn’t do any good at all. 

“Yeah,” Cassandra assured her, squeezing the blonde’s knee as she shot her a smile. “So fuck it, yeah? Enjoy life, Cissa; you deserve it.”

And maybe that wasn’t entirely true, as Narcissa was certain after everything she had done she didn’t deserve much at all, but in the end, she had two choices: either be miserable, or be happy, and she knew, at least for the sake of the child growing inside of her, that there was only one right answer.

So Narcissa compartmentalized Regulus’ death, the war, all of the horror her sister and her husband wrought upon the world…. and moved on. In the end, it was all she could do for the family she had always devoted her life to.

**TBC…**


	35. XXXV. Autumn, 1979 – Spring, 1980

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As some of you know, I was originally supposed to get back to writing this fic during NaNoWriMo. Unfortunately I didn’t get very far though, seeing as my personal schedule is far more hectic than it has been in previous years. I did manage to finish this chapter though and while I can’t promise when the next one will be out, I can say that I will try very hard not to make it too long in between.

**CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE  
Autumn, 1979 – Spring, 1980**

A month passed, and Narcissa had finally begun to realize the truth behind the statement ‘ignorance is bliss.’

The decision may not have been healthy nor sane by any means, but then again, Narcissa had never been either of those things anyway. So she decided to take Cassandra’s advice and began to compartmentalize her and her family’s life into the parts she wished to indulge in, and the parts she wished did not exist. It was oddly freeing.

But just because Narcissa ignored the terrible things that her loved ones did when they weren’t with her, didn’t mean that they suddenly did not exist. The war waged on, the Daily Prophet announcing more and more deaths at the hands of Voldemort and his followers. Narcissa took to not reading the paper anymore, and threw herself entirely into her forthcoming motherhood. To her, nothing else existed outside of her pregnancy, to the point that even _Lucius_ was becoming a little exasperated with her.

“What the hell is this?” Lucius demanded as he looked at the plate of food he was served. It was full of hearty grains and leafy vegetables, yet not much else. He slammed his fork back down on to the table. “Damnit, where is that _bloody_ elf? I specifically told it to get steak so we could have it for dinner tonight, and yet _this_ is what it comes back with? I swear, we should have replaced that useless thing a long time ago.”

Narcissa picked up her fork, stabbing a piece of kale. “I told Dobby not to buy it,” she told him calmly, despite knowing that her admission would not be taken well.

“What? _Why?”_

“Because too much red meat can be bad for the baby,” Narcissa told him after a bite of her food. “And if cooked improperly, they can increase the risk of bacterial food-borne infection. You make him prepare it far too rare, Lucius; that can be dangerous.”

“I’m sorry, am _I_ the one pregnant, or are you?” Lucius asked, obviously frustrated as he slammed his napkin back down on the table dramatically. “You could have just told the damn thing to prepare yours well-done! There was no need to force me not to eat it all _all.”_

Narcissa shot him a look. “You are just as much as part of this pregnancy as I am, Lucius; it may not be your body, but we _both_ should choose to develop healthier habits. Which, speaking of, I’ve decided that we both should start practicing some form of meditation; it’ll help reduce the stress in our lives, which can be bad for the baby.”

Lucius just stared at her. “ _Please_ tell me that you’re joking.”

“I’m not _joking,_ Lucius! This is important; we are bringing a child into a world that has dissolved into chaos and unrest, and I don’t want that spilling over into our home!”

Lucius sighed heavily, pinching his brow. He didn’t speak for a moment, and instead took a breath so he could attempt to stay calm. “Narcissa, I… I _appreciate_ how dedicated you already are to our unborn child; I really, really am. But no matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to protect them from everything. During your last pregnancy you didn’t do anything special, and yet your daughter was born perfectly fi—”

Narcissa’s hand slammed against the table, making the silverware clatter noisily. “ _Don’t,”_ she warned, her voice dangerously low as she closed her eyes, trying to will away her emotions on the matter. “Don’t… don’t talk about that.” Narcissa took a breath then, trying to calm herself down before she opened her eyes and looked at her husband dead on. Her voice was calm, yet held an undeniable warning not to pursue this topic. “That _never_ happened, do you understand me? Do not speak about it again; I will not ask you twice.”

Because it was just easier that way. It was easier to pretend that all the horrible things that Narcissa had been subjected to in her life simply… no longer existed. The past was the past, and as far as she was concerned, she had the power to erase it. If it was never spoken about, then it never happened; after all, that was what she was doing with Regulus’ death, with the entire bloody war, and _that_ turned out fine. She was sane. She was _fine._

Lucius pursed his lips, looking a little concerned by his wife’s blatant refusal to acknowledge her own tragic past. He never knew how to fix her though; he had never known how to get Narcissa back on the rails once she had barreled off of them, and so when Bellatrix pushed through her bedroom door the next morning without even knocking, Narcissa was not surprised.

She was, however, _very_ startled; especially as she had been sitting cross-legged on her bed and trying to still her mind at the time. That was short-lasting however, and now Narcissa was trying not to fall off the fucking thing after she jumped at the abrupt and unexpected sound.

“Have you never heard of _knocking?!”_ Narcissa angrily exclaimed, pushing herself back up into a seated position as she fixed a glare on her sister. Bellatrix didn’t look too perturbed by her obvious annoyance though.

“Lucius says you’re going mental again, so what the fuck did you do now?” Bellatrix asked, not bothering with pleasantries. She almost sounded _bored_ , which was the most irritating thing about it.

“He said I was _what?”_

Because that was… Narcissa _hated_ that word, and for bloody good reason. Bellatrix sighed exasperatedly though, flopping down on the bed as she rolled her eyes.

“Alright, _fine,_ he didn’t use that word specifically, but he did say that you were going overboard with everything again, so why don’t you do me a favor and define ‘everything’ for me, because he didn’t have time to before he rushed off to work.”

See _, this_ was the downside of Bellatrix and Lucius having formed a truce; now they actually checked in with one another about Narcissa and there were times, like _now,_ when that became very un-fun.

“ _Nothing,_ he’s just mad that I’m making him eat healthier; that’s all,” Narcissa insisted, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind her ear as she shifted into a more comfortable position.

Bellatrix outright scoffed at that. “Yeah, right.” And, alright, maybe he wouldn’t have run off to Bellatrix for just _that,_ but still.

“Fine, _and_ he thinks that forcing him to do some meditation exercises with me so we can better ourselves and live a more stress-free life around our child is _pointless_ because ‘stress-free’ doesn’t truly exist, or something,” Narcissa amended, her tone indicating that she believed Lucius’ opinion to be rubbish. “Whatever; the point is that he’s just unwilling to do his part during this pregnancy and apparently feels the need to bitch about it. It _really_ doesn’t concern you.”

Bellatrix looked at her like she had to be kidding her with this. “Cissy, he already _did_ his damn part: he squirted his man-juice inside you and made whatever demon spawn you’re currently incubating – the rest of this is on you. At least until the thing finally claws its way your of your body, then I guess he’s gotta step up to the plate; although let’s be fucking honest with one another here, men don’t usually _do_ that, so I really wouldn’t get your hopes up if I were you.”

Narcissa gaped at her, one of her hands covering the tiny swell of her belly protectively. “That’s not—Lucius isn’t _like_ other men, Bella! He _wants_ this baby just as much as I do!”

“Well regardless, it’s not on _him_ to make sure the thing’s actually born, alright?” Bellatrix reminded her, sounding exasperated. “Jesus, you know I’m not one to advocate for that idiot, but he’s got other damn things on his mind right now. If you wanna play ‘happy motherhood’ in this place, away from the rest of the world and the reality around you then _fine_ , but Lucius has more important shit to take care of. You need to get that through your head.”

“There is _nothing_ more important than our child!” Narcissa exclaimed, completely affronted by her sister’s insistence otherwise. “ _You_ may not have a life outside of this war, but Lucius and I do. Eventually this war will fade, but this… this _child,_ Bella, they’ll be forever. And if Lucius truly believes what’s going on outside of these walls is more important than that, then he really needs to reevaluate his priorities.”

“Are you fucking stupid?” Bellatrix asked her indelicately, although _that_ certainly was no surprise. Still, Narcissa pursed her lips into a tight line, not fond of being called unintelligent. “Your child will grow up in a world where mutts and _mudbloods_ are prioritized over us if we don’t put a stop to it. They’ll tax us all to hell and take our money – _our_ money, Cissy, that our ancestors worked bloody hard for –  to give away to the filthy _cretins_ who don’t deserve it in the name of ‘fairness’ and ‘community’. Why do you think we started this war, Narcissa? We were attacked _first._ They wanted to take what was rightfully ours; we’re just putting a stop to it.”

Narcissa shot her a skeptical look. _Yes,_ it was true that some Ministry officials wanted to tax the rich a ridiculous amount in order to ‘further’ the community as a whole in some pathetic attempt to eradicate the poor and the homeless, but that was a proposition that started maybe ten years ago, and this war started long before that. Maybe the entire wizarding community was not aware of it yet, but Narcissa _was;_ and what was more than that, was that Narcissa was aware of it because of _Bellatrix._

“Bella, _you_ were the one who told me about ‘The Knights of Walpurgis,’ remember?” Narcissa deadpanned. She had only been a little girl then, but she remembered Bellatrix telling her that Rodolphus’ father had been the one to put them on to the Death Eaters, as he had been a part of the group who had come before them. “And that was _long_ before the tax movement. I’m not saying you’re wrong for fighting in this war; I know you’re doing what’s best for our family and the pureblooded community, but don’t pretend like they fired the first shot. We both know that that isn’t true.”

“Alright, _fine,_ maybe the tax part wasn’t the first shot, but you can’t deny that their stupid ‘equal rights’ _bullshit_ wasn’t the first shot against us either,” Bellatrix snapped. “They aren’t _equal_ and never will be; therefore their desire to pretend like they’re just as good as the _pure_ witches and wizards in this world is a direct attack against the natural order of things. If they throw the system out of balance then our entire society will collapse; you know I’m right.”

“Bella, I’m not questioning the importance of this war, alright?!” Narcissa exclaimed, exasperated. “I’m just saying that it’s not a forever thing, and that mine and Lucius’ child _will_ be, okay? I just think that deserves priority over something temporary; no matter how bloody important it is.”

“Well you’re wrong, and that’s the end of this conversation,” Bellatrix told her bluntly, not even giving Narcissa a proper chance to really argue about it. “Besides, if you think ‘calming’ Lucius will keep him alive out there, then you’re a fucking idiot. Lucius _needs_ his rage, needs his _strength_ to survive; so unless you want that thing inside of you to grow up without a father, you’ll leave him the hell be.”

Narcissa set her jaw, but did not argue; in the end, she knew it was pointless. And _God,_ it was frustrating, having Bellatrix and Lucius actually on the same side now. It was even more frustrating that perhaps her sister had a point, and that denying Lucius proper nutrition or mental access to his primal instincts was actually dangerous to him. Still, Narcissa would never admit that Bellatrix was _right_ out loud, and so she stayed defiantly silent.

“Honestly, I don’t even know why you want to do this stupid ‘healthy and calm’ lifestyle anyway,” Bellatrix said as she sat down on the bed beside her. “You didn’t do that last time, and _our_ kid ended up being—”

“ _Stop!”_ Narcissa exclaimed, one hand shooting out to grasp onto her sister’s thigh. Her nails dug in, but Bellatrix was far too immune to pain to even register them as a problem. Her brow creasing in distress, Narcissa pleaded, “ _Please_ just… just don’t talk about that, okay? I’m doing everything right this time, so maybe I can make up for when I did everything _wrong.”_

Bellatrix pursed her lips, but thankfully did not say anything. It was obvious that she bore the same concerns as Lucius regarding that, but the difference was that Bellatrix tended to understand her reasonings more; or, at the very least, respected them.

“I know Lucius thinks I’m going mental for pretending that… that our _mistake_ didn’t happen, but please,” Narcissa pleaded, needing Bellatrix to realize that this was very important to her. “I don’t want to ever speak about it again, and I _certainly_ don’t want my next child to know that they once had a half-sister slash half-cousin, but that she died because of… because of what _we_ did.” The blonde’s eyes were beginning to water, and when she looked up and had her gaze connect with her sister, she pleaded once more with a barely audible, “…Please.”

Bellatrix hesitated for a moment, but eventually nodded her consent. Narcissa exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

“Just don’t drive yourself insane over this, alright?” Bellatrix responded softly, placing a hand over the one that was still holding onto her thigh; albeit a bit gentler now. “You’re gonna be a great mum, Cissy; with or without this New Age-y bullshit. You don’t need to drink herbal teas and ‘kumbaya’ yourself into a catatonic state to take care of your kid, alright? Trust me.”

“Because _you’re_ so knowledgeable about motherhood, right?” Narcissa flatly responded, side-eyeing her sister. She understood what Bellatrix was trying to do and she appreciated it, she did, but it wasn’t as thought Bellatrix had personal experience to draw from or anything.

“No, but I _am_ knowledgeable about you _,”_ Bellatrix told her strongly, meeting her gaze. “You know that I know you better than anyone else on this earth, Cissy; even your sodding husband. So believe me when I tell you I know that you’ll be a great mum, because I’ve never seen anything different inside of you.”

Narcissa pursed her lips as she looked down, a tightness enveloping her chest that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. When she looked back up at her sister, her voice was softer as she asked, “…You really think so?” Because that’s what she was afraid of; Narcissa feared that what happened with Aquila, and what happened with her _abortion_ before that, proved that she was a terrible mother, and that she’d somehow manage to kill her next child the same as her other two.

“I fucking _know_ so.”

Narcissa swallowed hard but nodded, accepting Bellatrix’s truth. Still, that didn’t mean that she could just sit back and not have an active hand in trying to create a positive and healthy pregnancy. During her last one, Narcissa barely wanted to _acknowledge_ what was happening with her body, let alone celebrate it. But now her instincts were to protect and to cherish the life that was was growing inside of her… and so she did.

Even through the most stressful of times.

“…It passed.”

It was mid-December and the first snow of the season was beginning to lightly fall outside the café’s small ornate windows. Narcissa and Cassandra sat across from one another during their weekly brunch, the latter pouring over the latest issue of the Daily Prophet before she found what she was looking for and glanced up, her gaze meeting her friend’s.

Narcissa coaxed herself to just _breathe._ In through the nose, out through the mouth. She couldn’t break down; they were in public, after all, which was precisely why they both decided to meet here in order to find out the news. Narcissa didn’t want to put any extra distress on her _or_ Cassandra’s babies.

Cassandra was _huge_ now, so much that she barely fit into the booth they both sat in. She was only seven and a half months along, but she was measuring unusually large. Narcissa, however, was just three months pregnant, and only now did her baby bump become something more noticeably rounder than just normal weight gain. Still, Narcissa was always touching the swell of her stomach as though she wished to shield her child from the horrors in the outside world, and now was no different.

Narcissa took a deep breath. “When does it come into effect?”

“Next month, I reckon,” Cassandra answered softly, and now it was her turn to look down at her stomach and run her hand over her unborn child, her lips pursing in distress. “I don’t want my child to not know ‘is father, Cissa…” she breathed sadly, going to the worst possible scenario before Narcissa could even get there herself.

“God, don’t even _say_ that,” Narcissa begged softly, not wanting to entertain that possibility, even though it was a very real one now. With the war growing worse and the body count getting higher, the Ministry put using Unforgivables on Death Eaters to another vote. This time however, it passed. _This_ time, both of their families were in very real danger.

Before, the worst Narcissa feared for was their imprisonment. Now it was their deaths.

Luckily the café wasn’t very crowded and they were seated away from the rest of the patrons, but Narcissa made certain to keep her voice to a low whisper anyway as she reached across the table, covering her friend’s hand with her own. “It’ll be alright,” she assured her, even though she didn’t feel like it would be at all. She was _terrified,_ but what else could she do other than be optimistic? “Everyone we love, they’re… they’re very skilled. I doubt anything will happen to _anyone_ in their group, so let’s just… let’s just think positively, okay? It’s the only thing we can really do right now.”

And yet, she was wrong.

It was late January when Rosier and Wilkes met their ends at the hand of Aurors, and so it was late January when Narcissa had her first full-blown panic attack during this pregnancy.

“Damnit, I _told_ you not to tell her!” Bellatrix shouted at Lucius, practically pushing him out of the way as she ran towards her sister, falling to her knees before her as she grasped the blonde’s hands in her own, coaxing her to look her in the eyes as she told her, “Come on, Cissy, just breathe for me, yeah? It’s not like you gave a toss about either of them anyway…”

“She would have found out regardless; I thought if _I_ was the one who told her that it’d go over better. I’m sorry that I was apparently _wrong!_ ”

“She doesn’t even read the bloody paper anymore, you fucking knob; you shouldn’t have opened your mouth!” Bellatrix shouted back at him, causing Lucius to get defensive even though he had already tried once to apologize, which was more than Narcissa expected as his first response.

“You think that Narcissa picking up the Prophet _herself_ would be the only way she would ever find out about this?” Lucius shot back, his tone indicating that that was a rather stupid belief to have. “She has _friends,_ even casual acquaintances that would have told her at the next Pureblood tea party, or whatever the fuck it is that all the socialites throw every other bloody weekend. We don’t live in a _bubble,_ Bellatrix; she was going to find out eventually!”

“Well then you should have let _me_ do it!”

Narcissa was beginning to wheeze and Bellatrix swore loudly, turning away from Lucius to actually deal with the more immediate problem that needed addressing. “Come on, love, don’t be dramatic; Rosier and Wilkes were bloody idiots. They’re not _us,_ and you know it.” Her hand came up to cup her sister’s face in her hand as she looked in her eyes, brow creasing at the panicked expression on the blonde’s face; not just from what had happened, but for not being able to breathe as well.

Narcissa felt like she was suffocating. She couldn’t take full breaths to save her life right then, and her chest was heaving up and down as she hunched over in her chair, fingers digging into her own thigh. All she could think of was getting the notification of her husband and sister’s deaths, and it was driving her into a full-blown panic that she couldn’t seem to set herself free from. She felt trapped inside of her own skin, and it was terrifying.

“Fuck it,” Bellatrix resigned before she grasped the hem of her robes and flashed her bare breasts at her… right in front of Lucius.

Narcissa practically choked on her own breath.

“Jesus, Bellatrix, what the _hell!”_ Lucius cried, quickly covering his own eyes so as not to be scarred by the image of his sister-in-law’s breasts.

“Figured that’d startle her into breathing,” Bellatrix responded with a shrug as she put down her robes, her voice much more casual than the situation actually called for, because _she had just fucking_ _flashed her in front of her husband._ It wasn’t as though Narcissa hadn’t seen her breasts before because well, _obviously,_ but even with their little truce and weird understanding, that was still crossing one hell of a line.

But it did do the trick… at least a little.

Problem was, it had startled Narcissa so bad that she was now _coughing_ during her attempts to breathe, which _yes_ , were at least deeper breaths this time, but it was coming at a cost that Narcissa really did not enjoy.

“Christ, just—just _move,”_ Lucius demanded as he came over to his wife, practically pushing Bellatrix out of the way. He grasped Narcissa’s hands in his own, bringing their linked over fingers over the swell of the blonde’s stomach. “Darling, please, you need to stop this; think of our child.”

“ _You_ think of our child!” Narcissa exclaimed after she had stopped coughing, her breathing still coming out in slight wheezes. She at least was able to talk now though, so maybe Bellatrix’s backwards way of solving this actually did a little bit of good. “God, Cass was right; our children are going to end up _fatherless!”_

“No, they’re _not,”_ Lucius told her strongly, his grip tightening. “Narcissa, I swear to you, I’m careful. _We’re_ careful,” he amended, glancing over at Bellatrix, knowing how much the other woman meant to his wife as well. “Rosier and Wilkes just got in a situation they couldn’t handle, but Bellatrix and I aren’t that foolish. I _promise_ you, nothing will ever happen to us. So please, _please_ just calm down.”

Narcissa just shook her head though, her eyes beginning to well up with tears. They couldn’t just _promise_ her something like that; there was no way they could guarantee it, and that was what frightened her beyond measure.

“I can’t do this by myself,” she whispered, her breathing having at least leveled out a little more despite her tears. “I can’t have either of you leave me, I just _can’t…”_

“Come on, Cissy, just stop,” Bellatrix begged lightly, unsure of how to really make this situation any better. “I mean, what the hell do you want us to do? We can’t _stop_ fighting this war. You know what will happen if we desert Him. The most we can do is promise you that we’ll be careful, so just… just fucking _take_ that, will you? It’s the only sodding thing we can give you right now.”

Narcissa untangled her hands from Lucius’ and wiped at the tears that stained her cheeks, her heart feeling heavy in her chest. She knew they were right, but that didn’t make it any easier. She _wished_ they could just stop the fighting; wished they could both just come home and be with her forever, but that was never going to happen was it?

“God, I… I tried to pretend, you know?” Narcissa breathed sadly, looking at them both. “I tried to pretend what you both do isn’t… isn’t even _happening,_ but it is and I—fuck, I don’t even know how to lie to myself anymore, and I _hate_ that because it’s going to affect the baby. How I feel, how frightened I am… it’s going to affect him, and I feel like a terrible mother for allowing it to happen…”

“…Him?” Lucius asked softly, looking up at his wife. Narcissa just shrugged lightly though before looking down at her stomach.

“I don’t know, it just _feels_ different this time. I think it’s a boy, but I don’t… I haven’t done any spells to confirm it.”

“Do you… want to?” Lucius carefully asked, but Narcissa just shook her head.

“No,” she told him, voice soft. “I… I want to be surprised. I need a surprise in my life that’s _good_ for once, you know?” Lucius nodded, understanding. Narcissa was glad for that, because she knew he was very curious. Still, she needed this, and so she was thankful that Lucius would allow her to have it.

In the end, Narcissa was aware that the only reason that the pregnancy _felt_ different was because she was actually excited for the child to be born this time, but still. Maybe she really was right, and maybe it _was_ a boy. Honestly, Narcissa prayed that it was, because she didn’t know if she could have a girl and look the child in the eyes every day and not think about the other little girl that she put to death. It might very well kill her.

Only time would tell though.

After that day, Narcissa realized that maybe it was a little insane to try to block out all of the unpleasant things in her life because no matter how hard she shut her eyes, it was never going away. Instead she tried to manage her anxiety, which brought her back around to attempting meditation in order to calm and center herself in a world where all she felt was raging chaos. She knew her sister and husband found the entire thing ridiculous, but Narcissa couldn’t bear to put any more stress on the baby, and so she did what she felt was right.

It was March and Narcissa was now six months pregnant, which made sitting for long periods of time very uncomfortable, and yet she resolved to manage it as doing this was very important to her pregnancy; she didn’t want to have any complications with the birth brought on by all the stress in her life. It might very well kill her, and she wished that was an exaggeration.

About a month and a half ago, Cassandra gave birth to a… well, Narcissa wouldn’t call him a _beautiful_ baby boy – as he unfortunately took after his father – but it was a boy nonetheless. The birth was _hard_ though, and Cassandra was in labor for nearly two days before they had to get the child, whom she decided to name Gregory, out by cesarean.

Unfortunately, when he was born, Gregory was entirely _blue_ ; the boys’ umbilical cord had wrapped around his neck near the end of it, and it was just… it was tough. Cassandra almost lost him, almost lost her _own_ life, and when the woman was stronger and finally able to leave the hospital, Narcissa asked her about it. And perhaps medical problems were really at fault, or maybe just a myriad of unfortunate circumstances, but Cassandra told her that she blamed how much stress she was under over worrying about her husband every time he left the house, to the point of near hysterics.

Cassandra wasn’t really one to be _hysterical_ though, but maybe it was just the combined effects of the pregnancy hormones and the fact that every day, the war just seemed to get worse and worse. Narcissa understood, but it also made her very afraid for herself, and so she took to, once again, doing everything she could to ensure a safe and healthy birth for her child.

She didn’t care anymore if Lucius and Bellatrix thought her insane for all of her supplements, her meditation routines, and her strict diet. Some things were just more important, and her child was one of them.

“God answer you back yet, or have you finally figured out that he’s not going to bother answering the prayers of incestuous sinners?”

Narcissa exhaled a frustrated breath, but did not open her eyes as she tried to ignore how much her sister’s unexpected presence annoyed her. She didn’t want to come out of this with ill feelings, as it would completely undo everything that she was trying to achieve. “I’m meditating, _not_ praying,” she told her shortly, unmoving from her position in the middle of the living room floor. “Please leave.”

Narcissa knew Bellatrix wasn’t going to do as asked though, so she wasn’t surprised when she heard her sister approach her. There was some rustling then, and Narcissa felt the other woman sit next to her on the floor. Narcissa exhaled a long breath then, knowing she wasn’t going to get anywhere with this, and opened her eyes to look at her.

“Why do you do this?” she asked, annoyed. So much for calming herself. “You know I hate it when you interrupt me. Whether you find this pointless or not, you need to respect my wishes.”

Bellatrix, of course, decided to ignore what she was saying completely and asked instead, “So what was it this time?” Because it was always _something_ that set Narcissa off before she decided to try to ‘meditate the irritation away’.

Narcissa exhaled a small breath, trying to cull her frustrations as she told her, “...My father-in-law is sick.”

Bellatrix looked at her like she didn’t understand why that mattered. “So? I thought that wank didn’t like you anyway; what’s the big deal?”

“Because he has Dragon Pox _,_ and he’s _old_ so he might _die,_ and Lucius wants us to go see him,” Narcissa responded with distaste. Abraxas Malfoy was by far one of her least favorite people; he looked down on her and believed it to be _her_ fault that Lucius and she did things improperly, and began living together before they got married. Lucius barely spoke to him anymore because of it, but it seemed that with his father’s illness he wished to reconcile before the man ultimately passed. Narcissa didn’t understand why he wanted to bother; what would it even change?

“When did he get sick?”

“Just… recently, I think,” Narcissa asked, looking over at her. “Why?”

“Because Dragon Pox doesn’t kill people _instantly_ ,” Bellatrix told her, looking at her like she should know that. “So shouldn’t you go see him when you, I don’t know, have already birthed his fucking grandchild? Might make the whole thing more tolerable, at any rate. He’ll have something else to focus on other than his disappointment that his only son married a harlot.”

“I am _not_ a harlot!”

Bellatrix shot her a sideways look. “Cissy, bigger picture.”

Narcissa’s lip curled upwards before she placed her hands behind her back, slumping her weight against them. “Right, no, you’re right. Perhaps it would be best to go after the baby’s born. You really think he’ll last that long?”

“He’s got at least until the leaves turn, I promise,” Bellatrix told her before standing up and holding her hand out to her sister, knowing she would have to help her to her feet because of how big she was. Narcissa exhaled a large puff of air, blowing a couple strands of blonde hair out of her face before she took the woman’s offered hand.

“ _Oof,_ Cissy, I swear; you’re bigger with this one than with the last,” Bellatrix told her, struggling to help Narcissa get to a standing position. Narcissa hit her on the shoulder.

“What did I bloody tell you!”

How many times did she have to ask both of them not to mention that part of her life ever again? Jesus, they both _knew_ how much she needed that reprieve, but it seemed Bellatrix had momentarily forgot and actually felt a little bad about that, as the corners of her lips turned down into a deep frown.

“…Sorry.”

Narcissa just shook her head, walking away from her to go sit down on the couch. After sitting on the ground for so long, her back was starting to ache. Bellatrix followed her, placing herself next to her before she said, “I actually came over here for a reason; I have some news that will cheer you up. Or, at the very least, not make you endlessly dramatic about the risks Lucius and I are undertaking.”

Narcissa’s eyes narrowed. ‘Endlessly dramatic’; she was nothing of the sort, thank you. Her fears were _valid._

“ _Well?”_ Narcissa asked, crossing her arms over her chest once Bellatrix didn’t start explaining herself fast enough. Honestly, she had begun this day annoyed and, despite her best interests, it seemed she was going to end it that way too. _Lovely._

The pregnancy hormones probably weren’t helping matters either though. She was either constantly hungry or irritated; there wasn’t much in between.

“We might have just procured someone who could help us end this war,” Bellatrix told her, her tone indicating that this should be something to celebrate. Narcissa, however, was skeptical. This war seemed damn near never ending at this point.

“And who might that be?” she asked disbelievingly.

“Well, the man’s a little sniveling _shit_ and is fairly useless by himself, but it’s more what information he can provide us,” Bellatrix explained, rolling her eyes a little at the thought of whoever it was. Apparently she didn’t have a very high opinion of him, which in no way convinced Narcissa that he could be the key to ending this war. “You remember Sirius’ annoying little friend with the glasses? Well, apparently he and our _dear_ cousin have taken their goody-two-shoes act to the next level and joined the Order. Annoyingly, they’ve become rather predominant members, according to our source.”

“Wait, what?” Narcissa asked, suddenly getting a little more interested as she sat up. “You have a spy _inside of the Order?”_ For the most part, the members were as shrouded in secrecy as the Death Eaters were, although mostly for their own protection, rather than fear of persecution.

Bellatrix smiled; this wicked, victorious little expression that, at the moment, actually gave Narcissa some shred of hope.

“Oh my God, this is… that’s _huge,”_ Narcissa exclaimed in awe, almost unable to believe it. “Who is it?”

Bellatrix waved it off. “Some friend of our traitorous cousin’s; Pettibrew, Petta… _grew?_ I don’t know; his name really isn’t important. He’s annoying and weak to be sure, but he’s doing his job. We already have every single name of everyone in the Order.”

“So then what are you waiting for?” Narcissa asked, looking at her like she had to be mental for sitting _here_ when she could be _out there,_ actually doing something about it. “Take care of them!”

Bellatrix looked amused. “You mean _kill_ them, dear sister?”

Narcissa looked a little pale at that. Sometimes, she really did speak before she thought. Bellatrix knew that though, which was why she looked so amused. Still, while Narcissa didn’t actively advocate death, she had a child to think about, and she didn’t want it growing up in a world ravaged by war and unrest. As difficult a pill as it was to swallow, she had to prioritize.

“Unfortunately, it’s not that easy,” Bellatrix told her, although looked a little disappointed about that herself. “If we start hunting them down one by one, they’re going to realize they have a spy in their ranks and disappear. Right now though, we have an advantage. They don’t know that we have an ear to the ground, so at the moment they’re more open when it comes to giving our little spy information. I know how eager you are to have this war come an end, Cissy, but this way will benefit us better in the long run, I assure you of that.”

Narcissa pursed her lips, her brow creasing. She understood Bellatrix’s point, but _god_ she just wanted this war to end. She didn’t want her child growing up in a world where death and destruction were the norm; she wanted something _better_ than that for her kid, for _herself._ Too much of Narcissa’s life had been wrapped up in this war because she was wrapped up in _Bellatrix_ , and she was tired of it.

Wasn’t it about time that they had a normal life for once?

A deep sigh fell from the blonde’s lips as she slumped a little dejectedly against her sister’s form, averting her gaze as she told Bellatrix softly, “…I just really want all of this to be over with.” She didn’t mean to sound so small and defeated, but that was exactly how she felt in that moment.

Bellatrix looked down at her, lips pursing lightly before she reached out, gently tucking a strand of hair behind Narcissa’s ear. “I know, love,” she breathed before placing the flat of her palm against her sister’s cheek, coaxing her to meet her gaze. “But I promise you, all of this will be worth it one day. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t believe that.”

Narcissa shot her a skeptical look at that insistence. “Who do you think you’re speaking to right now? You forget, Bella, I’ve _seen_ just how much you enjoy this war; the bloodshed, the chaos… you bloody _revel_ in it, and you know it,” Narcissa told her, voice soft and yet despite the nature of her words, unaccusing. She knew that was just how Bellatrix was, and though it took her a long time, she had finally learned to accept it.

Shifting her position so her legs were tangled with her sister’s, Narcissa reached out and linked Bellatrix’s fingers with her own, placing their clasped hands on her stomach. “I know that there’s a part of you that really _believes_ that you’re doing this for me, to give our family a better world to live in… but I also know a part of you does this because you need some sort of outlet so that your rage doesn’t consume you whole. And that’s _okay_ , Bella, it is. I know that despite everything we sacrificed to keep you sane, you still fear every day about your madness returning to you. I do too. I still think about how it’s supposedly incurable, and I’m afraid… I’m afraid what we _did_ is only a temporary solution, and that in the end, it’ll all be for nothing. So yes, you _should_ do everything you can to prevent that from happening, even if the things you choose to do are… reprehensible. It’s so much better than the alternative.”

Bellatrix squeezed her hands in hers, silently appreciating her sister’s acceptance. It took a long time for Narcissa to realize, but this was something Bellatrix _needed._ And yes, it made her an awful person; it made her a murderer, it made her a tyrant, but it also kept her sane. And perhaps in the end the fact that Narcissa could accept that made _her_ a terrible person as well, but what’s the point of fighting so venomously against something that will never change? At least this way, Bellatrix had an outlet. This way, she didn’t keep all of her childhood trauma and fury locked up inside of her, which would no doubt begin to slowly chip away at her sanity.

And they had already paid the ultimate price to keep Bellatrix sane. If it turned out that their daughter died in vain, Narcissa didn’t know what she would do. Probably go insane herself, and she could _not_ do that. Not just for herself, but because of her child.

_Her_ child, who would one day need to grow up in a world with both of it’s parents. Her child, who needed to grow up in a place that isn’t ravaged by war and death. Bellatrix being alive, being _sane_ , would help achieve that goal, and so no matter the cost, Narcissa knew that she would always be willing to pay it.

Because to her, there was nothing more important than her child’s future, and Bellatrix was the key to it.

**TBC…**

 


	36. XXXVI. Summer, 1980

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning that I know nothing about child-rearing so anything from here on out in regard to Draco’s care might not be 100% accurate and I apologize, lol. I have cat babies, not real ones.

 

**CHAPTER THIRTY SIX  
Summer, 1980**

 

“ _Push!”_

A loud, feral-like scream ripped from the back of Narcissa’s throat as sweat poured from her brow, her entire nether regions feeling like she was being ripped apart. Every curse in the book was shouted at the bloody Healers who had refused to give her something for the pain out of fear that it would interact badly with the anti-psychotics she was on. This was the first time Narcissa had heard about this though, but by the guilty look on Lucius’ face after she had found out, that was apparently on purpose.

Fucking lying _arse._ If he even _tried_ to hold her hand during this, Narcissa would be sure to break every single one of his fingers.

Of course if Narcissa was thinking rationally she’d understand why he kept it from her; she already knew how painful birth was before she ultimately started screaming at her husband for the potions, so if she was aware ahead of time that she wouldn’t be allowed to have them at _all_ this time _,_ she no doubt would have wanted to temporarily wean herself off of her medication. But Narcissa _wasn’t_ thinking rationally and so really, her only competent thought at that very moment was how much she’d like to _remove his goddamn bollocks._

“Just keep breathing, Mrs. Malfoy; that’s it… you’re doing great! Just in and out,” one of the Healers coached in this annoyingly chipper voice that made Narcissa want to punch a fucking wall. She wished she could have done a home birth again, but she couldn’t do it at her own place because of memories from the _last_ one, and Bellatrix wouldn’t allow her to do it in her house because of the ‘bloody cleanup’.

Selfish.

Speaking of though, her sister was still not _there_ and she was about to birth her _child_ and, God, she didn’t want to do this without her. This baby might be Lucius’, but Bellatrix was as much a part of this child’s life as he was, and she just… she couldn’t _not_ be there for this!

“Don’t—bloody tell me to _breathe!”_ Narcissa shouted, her cheeks red and her hair sticking to her forehead as she tried to shove the Healer away from her. “I don’t fucking want you—don’t _need_ you… where the hell is my sodding _sister_ , Lucius?!”

Lucius already looked like he was going to pass out from what was currently going on between his wife’s legs, but if it were possible, Narcissa’s tone caused him to become even paler. “She’s… not here yet,” he responded tentatively, as though he were afraid Narcissa would be able to curse his head from his bloody body just from a mere look.

“Then _find her!”_ Narcissa shrieked, her nails digging into the cushioning beneath her as her brow etched in pain. She tried to ignore it though, tried to brace herself through it as she glared at her husband, demanding him to just… to just _bloody accommodate her wishes right now!_ Was that so hard to do?

But he didn’t. He couldn’t.

“I’m not—Narcissa, I’m not missing the birth of my bloody _child!”_ he shouted, looking at her like she had to be insane for even suggesting such a thing. He might be terrified of her right now, he might be nauseous and pale and unsure if he could even _handle_ watching said birth due to his distaste for blood and gore, but in the end, some things were far more important. “She’ll _be_ here, I assure you, now just—just _push,_ Narcissa, please! You can’t hold the baby inside of you just to wait for her!”

“I can and I bloody well _will_ ,” Narcissa snapped through labored breaths, just as another contraction ripped its way through her uterus. She screamed.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Malfoy, but this baby is coming _now,”_ the Healer warned her, not allowing Narcissa to disillusion herself. “It’s not going to wait until you’re ready, so I suggest you help it along its way or else you may end up causing irreparable damage to both your and your baby’s health. Please do not fight your body’s natural response.”

Narcissa’s eyes began to fill with tears and her head hit the pillow behind her heavily. She knew she couldn’t do anything that might harm this child because this one, she had to do it _right_ with _this one,_ and yet Bellatrix wasn’t there and having this baby without her just seemed wrong. She hated this. She hated every second of it and yet when Lucius’ hand covered hers and she looked up at him, his pleading gaze meeting hers, she knew she did not have a choice in the matter.

She killed her last child. She would _not_ harm this one. She couldn’t.

Labor after that was little more than a blur. The pain bled into more pain, more screams and more tears, and Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure she was even fully conscious when the baby was finally delivered, as nothing even seemed or felt even remotely real anymore. She didn’t take any potions and yet she couldn’t seem to feel anything anymore as the light above her head blinded her, and as Narcissa squinted and tried to remember what was going on, all she could hear was a baby wail and a grown man sob with relief and love and happiness.

“It’s a boy! Narcissa—Darling, we have… we have a _son!_ ” Lucius cried, and in that moment Narcissa realized the weight of what had actually happened, of what they just did, of what it _meant_ , and relief and joy washed through her like a wave as she too came back to reality, and began to cry.

She could hear a spell being uttered in the distance, no doubt the Healers cleaning up her… her _son,_ and all Narcissa wanted to do was scream, “Give him to me! I don’t care that he’s covered in blood, give me my boy, _give me my child!”_ because she needed to know that he was real, that this had truly happened, but she was too weak, her voice was too hoarse, and all Narcissa could do was just lie there as tears streamed down her cheeks in lines.

But then he was in her arms. This wailing, tiny, bald little thing was passed to her by a Healer and God, Narcissa didn’t care in that moment for anything else, because she could _feel_ him. She could feel him and she could see him and my God, he was _real._ He was real and he was _hers._ Thiers. Forever.

They had a son.

They had a _son._

[x]

Draco Lucius Malfoy. That was his name.

When Narcissa was aborting her first child at a very young age, she had disclosed to her sister the name of her son, should she ever have one. Draco, the dragon. He would be strong, fierce; a force of nature. Beautiful, and yet utterly frightening. It reminded Narcissa of Bellatrix at the time and even though she was utterly _infuriated_ with her sister for missing her son’s birth, she could not bear changing the name now. Her son _was_ Draco, he had been for a very long time, and so Draco he would be. Lucius, thankfully, approved of the name, and his only request was that he was able to pass on his own to his son as well, as that was something _he_ had dreamed of for a very long time.

And so with that, their son had a name worthy of a pureblood.

It was a few hours after the birth that Narcissa finally was able to fall asleep, although it was more that she passed out from sheer exhaustion than a conscious decision on her part. She didn’t want to leave Draco, even just to _sleep,_ but as her eyelids became heavy, Lucius assured her that he would look after their boy while she finally got some much-needed rest. Narcissa didn’t know how long she was out for, but she awoke when she felt someone gently brushing the hair from her face.

She opened her eyes and immediately jerked away from the hand.

“Cissy…” Bellatrix tried, knowing instantly that her presence was not welcome. The corners of her mouth were creased down into a frown, her hair looking wind mussed and clothes dirt-stained. Narcissa didn’t know where she was coming from, but she did know that wherever it was, it was certainly at _His_ behest.

And that really showed her true priorities, didn’t it?

“No,” Narcissa breathed, anger rising up inside of her by just the mere _sight_ of her sister in her hospital room. “No, you—get _out!_ Get the hell out, Bella!”

“Cissy, come on, you know I—”

But Narcissa didn’t want to hear her excuses. “No, you… you _missed the birth of my son!”_ she shouted, more infuriated than she thought she had ever been in her entire life. “You _knew_ how important this day was to me and you—where the hell is Lucius? _Where is Draco?!_ Get them and then get the _hell out,_ Bella, I don’t want to see you right now!”

“Oh, relax, I sent them both out of the room so I could talk to you. They’re not far,” Bellatrix told her with a little exasperated sigh. She paused for a moment then before musing, “’Draco’, is it? I remember why you wanted to name your son that so long ago. You can’t be _too_ cross with me if you still decided to name him something that reminded you of _me.”_

 _“This isn’t about you,”_ Narcissa seethed, sitting up straighter in her bed. “Or is that why you decided not to come? Because you realized that with the birth of my son, you’d no longer be my main priority? You’re so bloody selfish I don’t even know where to begin.”

Bellatrix outright rolled her eyes at that. “Come on, Narcissa, you know as well as I that if I was able then I would have been here. But we are in the middle of a _war_ and… and there is something going on that—” Bellatrix tried, but then seemed a little flustered and instead of properly explaining, snapped, “Look, sometimes the war just bloody conflicts with the time I’d like to spend with my family, alright? I’m _sorry,_ but what’s done is done. Now are you going to continue to bitch at me, or would you like to formally introduce me to your offspring?”

Narcissa scoffed, averting her gaze as her brow set heavily. “I’m sorry, are you saying you actually _care_ to meet him?” she challenged before allowing her eyes to set once more on her sister. Her glare deepened. “Because calling Draco my ‘offspring’ seems like a very detached way of saying ‘child’. Besides, you already sent him out of the room without a care to even ask Lucius his _name._ That doesn’t exactly sound like you give anything remotely resembling a shit, honestly.”

“Oh, shut it. Of course I want to meet my nephew; he is a part of _you_ after all, is he not? I may not know what to _do_ with him or even if I could keep him alive should you ever actually expect for me to watch him on my own, but I think I could manage to hold him without dropping him, at the very least.”

Narcissa’s eyes narrowed. “You _really_ do not inspire much confidence, do you know that?”

Bellatrix merely shrugged. God, she hated her sometimes.

Still, as angry as Narcissa was, she _really_ wanted to see her son now that she was awake, and she knew better than to think that Bellatrix would actually leave before getting what she came here for, which apparently was forgiveness. Since _that_ didn’t seem to be happening any time soon, Narcissa didn’t have much choice but to allow the woman to see her nephew, even though all she wanted to do was hide Draco away just to spite her. At least for a little while.

“ _Fine,”_ she seethed, hating having lost this battle. “Find Lucius and tell him to bring Draco back in here. I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to allow you to hold him though, so I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.”

Bellatrix shot her a look that clearly said, ‘We’ll see about that,’ before exiting the room to do as she was told. And Narcissa didn’t know what else she was expecting honestly, as she _knew_ her sister never fully respected her wishes if they contradicted with her own, but when she arrived back in the room with Draco in her arms and Lucius trailing behind her, Narcissa slammed her hand down on the mattress in a frustrated huff.

“What the bloody hell did I just _say?!”_

“Oh, calm down, it’s not as though I’m going to break him,” Bellatrix dismissed as she peered down at the tiny bundle in her arms, a look that Narcissa couldn’t decipher etching across her sharp features. The blonde exhaled an irritated breath before shooting her glare over towards her husband.

“What?” Lucius asked, looking as though he suddenly realized he might have been missing something. “She said you wanted her to meet Draco. Did you not?”

“Of course I—!” Narcissa began in a huff before she reevaluated what she was going to say and responded instead with, “I did—I _do,_ but I didn’t want her bloody holding him. I’m still _furious_ with her, which you should be well aware of!”

“Narcissa, come on,” Lucius tried, which was the most infuriating part of it all. She hated when Lucius stuck up for Bellatrix; calling a truce was one thing, but for them to actually vouch for one another was quite another altogether. “The reason _I_ was able to be at my son’s birth was _because_ of her, alright? She convinced the Dark Lord she could do what he requested all on her own, so don’t blame her for not being here; we both honestly thought that she’d be back in time for the birth anyway. She didn’t intentionally miss it.”

Narcissa set her jaw, narrowing her eyes as she glanced over at her sister suspiciously. “…Is that true?”

“Yes, and you’re _welcome,_ by the way. _”_

Ugh. Damnit. Now she didn’t have a leg to stand on, and that infuriated Narcissa even more.

Bellatrix was still staring down at Draco, her nose beginning to crinkle a bit as she assessed the situation. “He’s a bit… wrinkly and ugly, don’t you think? You sure he’s yours?”

Narcissa’s mouth dropped open in offense. “He is _not_ ugly! Oh my God, Bella, how could you even say something like that? _Give him to me!”_

“Oh, relax; did you miss the ‘are you sure he’s yours’ part?” Bellatrix rhetorically responded, shooting her sister an exaggerated eyeroll. “It was meant as a compliment. To _you_ , anyway; not the baby. Is this just how they look after they’re popped out, or is this a permanent thing? You might want to look into beautification charms if it is, just in case.”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Lucius snapped irritably, stepping towards Bellatrix with his arms out. “Give him here; neither of us wants to stand around here all day and listen to you insult our son. You should know damn well that newborns aren’t the most beautiful creatures around, or else you’re just plain thick-headed. Neither would surprise me, honestly.”

“Do I look like a goddamn wet nurse to you?” Bellatrix snapped as she handed the child back to Lucius, who in turn gave Draco to Narcissa, who was looking at the boy like she couldn’t bear to be away from him for another second. “How the fuck am I supposed to know?”

“Question answered, then.”

While Bellatrix scoffed and shot Lucius the finger, Narcissa couldn’t be arsed to even pay attention to the two of them. Draco was in her arms now and all she could do was stare down at the tiny thing in wonder and amazement. They had _created_ this… this small little person. _They_ created those tiny fingers, those bitty toes. When… when her daughter was born, rest her beautiful soul, Narcissa had only seen but a glimpse of her before she was taken away. Draco though, he was here to stay and should she want to, she could spend every last moment of her life just staring down at him, wondering how she got so lucky as to have this boy enter her life.

It felt too good to be true.

What _didn’t_ feel too good to be true however was their visit with Abraxas Malfoy about a month following Draco’s birth. The man was a sickening green from the Dragon Pox and so frail that he could no longer leave his bed and yet even still Abraxas was just as frightening as Narcissa remembered. It had been years since she had seen her father-in-law, and for good reason.

He did not like her.

“Is that him?” Abraxas asked, his judgmental gaze resting on the bundle in Narcissa’s arms as she hovered by the doorway, careful not to get too close. Although Dragon Pox was only contagious through skin-to-skin contact, she still didn’t want to get anywhere near him; especially while she had Draco close to her breast.

“No, Father, that’s just a doll we picked up at the store on the way here,” Lucius responded dryly, causing Narcissa to shoot her husband an alarmed look. She knew Lucius no longer feared his father, but blatant disrespect wasn’t something he should be exercising either, even if the man couldn’t physically get out of bed anymore to beat his son with his cane. “Of _course_ this is him. We know you have no desire to see either one of us, but Narcissa and I assumed at the very least that you may want to meet your grandson before…” He trailed off then though, looking a little uncomfortable with voicing out loud that Abraxas may very well die soon.

Abraxas did not voice it either. Instead he just shot Narcissa a scathing look and said, “Well, at least now we know she isn’t _barren._ It had been so long since your marriage I assumed she was just as defective as that sister of hers. I _do_ hope you don’t socialize with that woman, Lucius; there are so many nasty rumors surrounding that sister-in-law of yours. It’s bad enough you already have one Black woman in your life.”

Narcissa’s jaw clenched so hard that the veins in her neck began to protrude a little, but she said nothing. She knew better.

“Father, if you insist on continuing to insult Narcissa or her family, it may be better for all of us if we just left,” Lucius warned him, firmly standing beside his wife without even a waver of hesitation. My, had he grown. “Now do you wish to know the name of your grandson, or should we see our way out?”

“Yes, yes, fine,” Abraxas waved off, still looking highly disinterested and yet for some reason, wanting them to stay. He coughed then, sparks coming out of his nose, and Narcissa took a big step backwards as she clutched Draco to her chest. “But I hope it’s nothing… _frilly_ like the name of a bloody star or some such nonsense.”

Because Abraxas knew that the _entirety_ of the Black family (minus Narcissa of course, which caused a great bit of inner turmoil for her when she was a child) was named after stars. So of _course_ their son’s name couldn’t follow the Black tradition, because he was a _Malfoy._

Fuck him, honestly.

Lucius however, just sighed softly. “We named him Draco, Father. Yes, after a _star_ , but the fiercest in all the sky. And before you say anything about how shameful it is that I’m raising a Black instead of a Malfoy, let me assure you that his second name is my own and that his surname is decidedly _ours,_ although that’s more to do with my own pride than the pride I have in our family right now, _especially_ after seeing the way you’re acting towards your own grandson.”

Abraxas said nothing to that, but instead stared down his son like he wasn’t quite sure who he was anymore. It was clear that no matter who Lucius was _now_ though, Abraxas liked him even less than he did when his son was a boy.

“Forget it; this was a foolish idea,” Lucius said, placing a hand on the small of his wife’s back to encourage her to leave with him. He looked back at Abraxas though and said, “I do hope you change your mind about my family before it’s too late, Father. This was all I ever wanted ever since I was a little boy, and if you can’t find it within yourself to be happy for me, then perhaps it really was for the best that we ended up distancing ourselves long ago.”

And then that was it.

Abraxas died a few weeks later, and while Narcissa expected her husband’s sadness, it never came. She knew Lucius felt so very disconnected from his father which, quite honestly, she could relate to, but considering Lucius had made an actual effort to reconnect, Narcissa had assumed that on some level, he had actually cared. And perhaps he still did, but in the end, it seemed Lucius had accepted that his relationship with his father would never be repaired, and so when the day came that Abraxas finally passed, Lucius decided not to mourn the loss of something he knew he never had.

But that didn’t mean all was well either.

Something had been happening lately, something _bad._ Narcissa could see it in her husband’s eyes when he came home, she could see it in the paleness of his face and the growing gauntness in his cheeks. She could see it in her _sister;_ could see it in Bellatrix’s erratic behavior and constant snapping every time Narcissa asked if she could come by, even for just a bit. If she hadn’t noticed Lucius’ behavior she would have chalked it up to Bellatrix and her jealousy over Draco, but that wasn’t it.

It was definitely something else.

Which was why one day Narcissa finally snapped, in the middle of _breastfeeding_ of all the damn things, as she cradled her son’s head in her breast and exclaimed to her husband and sister, “Will one of you please tell me what the _hell_ has been going on lately!? I’m sick of this little charade you keep putting on; it’s not even convincing anymore!”

Both of her lovers clearly started at the unexpected exclamation, causing them to turn away from whatever weird, silent conversation they seemed to be having with their gaze and with the large grandfather clock in the corner, to finally face the woman they didn’t even seem to want to be around anymore. They were always on edge, always seemed like they had one foot out the door and while Narcissa tried to ignore it for Draco’s sake, she couldn’t anymore.

Draco was barely bothered by the loud exclamation though and continued suckling away at his mother’s breast. He did tend to have this awful habit of doing it much too hard sometimes, but Narcissa grit through the pain and bore it, as being lovers with _Bellatrix_ of all people made her used to so much more anyway.

“Narcissa, darling, we’re not—”

“Do either of you even _want_ to be here with me?” Narcissa challenged, shifting her position in her rocking chair so she could sit up a little higher. “Because neither of you seem like it anymore.”

“Come on, Cissy, don’t be dramatic; it’s nothing,” Bellatrix tried to assure her. “There’s just a lot going on right now with the war and—”

“I get that, I’m not an idiot,” Narcissa shot back, effectively cutting off her sister mid-sentence. “What I’m asking is, what _specifically_ is going on in the war right now, because last I heard we had a mole inside the Order and were on the crux of winning, but now every time either of you come back from seeing _Him_ you end up looking worse than when you left!”

Lucius pursed his lips and stayed silent, his gaze flickering over to Bellatrix.

The other woman was quiet for a long moment, looking over her sister before it seemed she realized that perhaps it was for the best if she just told her. Exhaling a defeated sigh, Bellatrix finally admitted, “…There’s been a prophecy.”

Narcissa immediately sat up straighter, not liking the way Bellatrix said that.

“There’s been a _what?”_

Bellatrix chewed on the inside of her cheek for a second, her expression settling into frustration. “Early in the year, one of our own heard a prophecy that predicted the downfall of our Lord. I do not know _who_ heard it as He has not revealed that to us yet, nor has He told us what the entire prophecy even entails. From what I gather though, whoever heard it did not overhear the entire thing anyway. Still, it’s got the Dark Lord rather… _unhinged._ I bloody _told_ Him though that prophecies could be overturned and that nothing’s written in fucking stone until it damn well happens but He did not… take _kindly_ to my advice. He’s paranoid and he’s _angry_ and if we don’t find out who this damn thing is talking about—!”

“I’m sorry, ‘ _who’?”_ Narcissa asked, feeling her chest tighten in a way that didn’t have anything at all to do with the way Draco was going at her raw nipples. “What the bloody hell do you mean, ‘ _who’?_ Someone specific is supposed to be his downfall? How can that even be possible?”

Wasn’t Voldemort supposed to be the most powerful wizard in the world? How could one mere person take him down when even the entire _Order_ could not?

And it wasn’t as though there wasn’t a part of Narcissa that wished she could live a life without the Dark Lord invading every bloody fucking aspect of it, but now her family was too tied into his regime. If he fell, then they would all fall. Narcissa couldn’t bear that happening, and so she started to grow frightened as she clutched her child to her breast.

“It’s _not,_ that’s what I’ve been trying to bloody tell Him!” Bellatrix practically shouted, looking frustrated. “A grown wizard couldn’t take him down, let alone some bloody _child_ that’s meant to be born in this coming week! It’s absolutely sodding ridiculous, and yet—!”

“A _baby?”_ Narcissa scoffed, finding that as preposterous as her sister, which at least made her calm down a little. “That’s… that’s madness, no child can be born with that kind of power. It’s impossible.”

“Children grow up, Narcissa,” Lucius reminded her softly, causing the blonde’s gaze to finally land on her husband. “Perhaps this prophecy won’t be fulfilled in a week or even a year from now, but one day it could be. If the Order finds out and hides the child well enough, we all could be looking over our shoulders for a very long time. _That_ is why the Dark Lord is concerned.”

“We’ll find the bloody thing long before it comes to that,” Bellatrix responded, her answer very self-assured. “Even if the Order does realize who it is and hides the baby, we still have a mole. Eventually they’ll slip up and we’ll be at their doorstep. It’s only a matter of time.”

_The baby._

Those words finally hit Narcissa like a freight train and her throat closed up as she looked down at her own son, whose now-full stomach was causing his eyelids to weigh heavy as he drifted off into sleep. _The baby._ The baby they planned to find before he or she grew up and could vanquish the Dark Lord. The baby they planned to _murder._

Narcissa suddenly felt a little sick.

“Narcissa, darling, don’t humanize it,” Lucius requested softly, noticing the look on his wife’s face as he knelt down before her, placing a gentle hand on her knee. “It will only make it worse, and you know what has to be done. If we do not, our whole world collapses. You and Draco will be left alone, and that is our _best_ -case scenario.”

“…I know,” Narcissa whispered, the tightness in her throat making it hard to raise her voice to a more audible decibel. She still wouldn’t tear her gaze away from Draco. “But I’m just… _sick_ of letting children die for him, Lucius. It’s too much. This happens _too damn much…”_

Narcissa closed her eyes, a tear falling down the corner of her cheek as she thought of Aquila, who’s sacrifice she still didn’t fully understand. But she couldn’t do this here in front of them right now and so she quickly wiped the wetness from her cheek with her sleeve as she nudged her husband out of the way with her knee before getting to her feet. “I need to… I have to put Draco down. Excuse me.”

Clutching her son to her chest she shuffled past them and up the stairs, hearing her husband sigh heavily before Bellatrix told him, “Just leave it; it was my solution to her first-born problem that fucked her up, so just let me… I’ll deal with it. Was our fucking kid anyway.”

Narcissa scurried into the nursery and closed the door behind her despite knowing she had her sister coming up behind her. There was a part of her that hoped Bellatrix would realize the closed door meant she wanted to be alone, but even if Bellatrix _did_ understand that, she certainly didn’t respect it.

No surprise there though.

The door opened just as Narcissa was gently trying to coax Draco to burp. She hated having to do this because he always fell straight asleep after a meal and she felt bad for waking him, but it was better than him waking up much later and shrieking due to gas pains. Narcissa’s eyes were still wet with tears and when she looked up at her sister she glared at her, obviously wanting her privacy and annoyed that she did not get it. “I’m fine, you didn’t have to come up here.”

“And yet, unfathomably, here I am,” Bellatrix deadpanned. Her brow quirked as she added, “Don’t pretend like you didn’t huff away so you could get my attention. You’ve always done that.”

“I’m not a child anymore, Bellatrix; and maybe it took me longer than it should have for me to fully mature, but believe me, my leaving the room was not for _attention._ I wanted space, which you did not respect _. As usual_.”

Bellatrix shrugged, looking unperturbed. It was then that Draco burped and spit up a little, causing Bellatrix’s nose to wrinkle in disgust. “Why you always wanted one of these things, I’ll never understand. The thing just yacked all over you.”

“Do _not_ call my _son_ a ‘thing’,” Narcissa responded dangerously, glaring at her as she removed the burping cloth from her shoulder and threw it in the hamper. Anger, resentment, and sadness building up inside of her, Narcissa felt her eyes burn hot with unshed tears once more as she laid her son down in the bassinet, watching Draco’s eyes already begin to close once more. “But I suppose that must be how you see all children, isn’t it? As _things._ Why it was so easy for you to allow that monster to murder our fucking _daughter,_ and why you don’t care at _all_ about this other bloody child. They’re nothing to you, aren’t they? They’re all _nothing._ ”

“ _Hey,”_ Bellatrix responded strongly, grabbing her sister’s arm and forcing her to spin around to face her. Narcissa was looking at her like she couldn’t stand the sight of her in that moment, but Bellatrix didn’t look very pleased with her either. “Look, I never pretended I would be anything other than a shit mum, but if you honestly think for one bloody second that I wouldn’t have _tried_ if we had gotten to keep her, then you’re a bigger fucking moron than I thought,” Bellatrix spat, apparently _offended_ by what Narcissa thought was a completely accurate picture of the way her sister thought in regards to children. 

“I’m not going to let you shit on me for the rest of our life because of that child,” Bellatrix continued heatedly. “I did what I had to do to save you, and I do not and _will_ not ever regret that, do you understand me? And so now, once again, there’s another bloody child standing in the way of not fucking up your life, _all_ of our lives, so yeah, I’m going to do what I have to. And you can cry and think I’m shit for that all you want, Cissy, but that doesn’t change the truth, so I’d appreciate it if you learned to just shut the fuck up about it.”

Narcissa was actually taken aback by that and her mouth dropped open a little as she stared at her sister, unable to really formulate a response. So instead she just shot her a scathing look and pushed her away before turning, intent on just leaving. Bellatrix had other plans though and suddenly she was grabbed and pushed a bit unceremoniously against the dresser, the force of it knocking the wind out of her for a second. Narcissa looked up at her, her chest heaving anger and her eyes ablaze.

“If you wake Draco, _so help me…”_

“I’m not going to wake up your _precious child,_ okay?” Bellatrix hissed, her face much too close. “Do you think I don’t fucking understand what being a mother means to you? I may have ruined it the first time, but I don’t bloody plan to put on a repeat performance, so maybe instead of fucking resenting me because of my mistakes, give me a chance to rectify them.”

“Because I swear to you, Cissy, I will never let _anything_ happen to that boy,” she continued, and the actual _conviction_ in her voice made Narcissa’s heart clench in her chest, making her feel something other than rage, even for a brief moment. “Do you understand me? I may not get the appeal of him right now, but at the moment he’s small and a bit useless and I don’t really know what to do with him. But eventually he’ll get older and if you want I’ll teach Draco every _bloody_ thing I know so that even if he does end up growing up in an endless war, he’ll know how to defend himself. And _until_ that day I’ll protect him with my fucking life, so why don’t you do me a favor and stop looking at me like the bad guy, because I’m sick of it. I’m trying. I’m fucking _trying.”_

Narcissa was silent for a long moment, her anger beginning to subside with each passing moment. She pursed her lips and looked up at Bellatrix, feeling a little guilty for always jumping down her throat. “…I’m sorry,” she responded eventually, voice soft. “I know you are. I know. And I… I appreciate what you’re trying to do, because I know children are so _wildly_ out of your element. You haven’t really known what to do now that Draco is in the picture, and I can see that. You haven’t even tried to get me into _bed_ lately, you’ve just… given me space to be a new mother, and that was… more than I expected, honestly.”

Bellatrix was pretty much hard-wired for sex, so Narcissa _knew_ how hard that must be for her. Still, she appreciated it, because her mind had clearly been on other things lately.

“I just… I’m just tired of all the death and destruction this war has brought us, Bella,” Narcissa whispered, sounding so incredibly exhausted by it all. “I just want it to _end_.”

“And it _will,”_ Bellatrix promised her, hands sliding down the length of her sister’s arms as she gently rested her forehead against the blonde’s. “But getting there isn’t going to be pretty. I understand how fucked off you think all of this is – that we’re going to be actively hunting for a _child_ – but we don’t have any other choice. If this child really does have the power the prophecy foretold, it’ll uproot all of our lives. If He falls, we all do. Your whole world will be torn apart.”

“…I know,” Narcissa breathed, feeling like an awful person for saying that out loud. She closed her eyes, feeling rather defeated. She didn’t want an innocent child to die, but what choice did any of them have? “Just… promise me that you’ll be careful,” she softly pleaded, bringing her hand up to gently cup her sister’s face. “If you go after a child… the world won’t take very kindly to you.”

“They don’t take kindly to us anyway, Cissy.”

True.

Narcissa pursed her lips before looking back up to her, hating the things her sister did but understanding that she did them because she believed them to be best for them, for their family. Leaning up, she gently pressed a kiss to Bellatrix’s lips, feeling her sister exhale a small breath at the gesture. Narcissa hadn’t realized it until now, but it really had been quite awhile since she last kissed her. She had just been so wrapped up in Draco, in being a mother, that she hadn’t really had time for anything or anyone else. She was beginning to regret that now.

And so Narcissa pressed her lips against hers a little harder, her hand coming up to wrap in a mess of dark curls as she indulged herself with a child-murderer because, in the end, Bellatrix was so much _more_ than that. She was so much more than all the bad things she had done, so much more than chaos and destruction and pain.

Narcissa needed to remember that. She needed to _relive_ that, if only for a moment, because if she didn’t, she would hate her.

She would hate her so very, very much.

**TBC…**

 


	37. XXXVII. Autumn, 1980 – Spring, 1981

**CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN  
Autumn, 1980 – Spring, 1981**

“Shit… _shit…”_

Bellatrix’s lips were parted, a light sheen of sweat glistening in the dip between her heaving breasts. Narcissa’s hair was beginning to stick to her forehead as she continued to move within her, watching the pleasure etch itself across her sister’s face with every thrust. They had been fucking for the better part of an hour, with Narcissa being the one to do most of the work for once. She figured she owed Bellatrix that though, as she had been so patient ever since she had Draco.

And considering that ‘Bellatrix’ and ‘patience’ _never_ went hand-in-hand, that definitely was an accomplishment worth rewarding. Besides, the other woman seemed a bit stiffer than usual, and Narcissa worried that if she made her do all the work she might accidentally hurt herself. It seemed Bellatrix was coming back with more and more injuries lately, but, then again, this _was_ a war.

Narcissa just didn’t understand why she never healed them fully anymore, but she also knew better than to ask. When Bellatrix wanted to tell her, then she would be told.

Bellatrix grabbed onto her then, fingers curling and nails digging in to the supple skin of the blonde’s waist as she began to tense. Narcissa smiled, loving the way her sister looked right when she was about to come; it was one of the few times in her life that she had ever seen Bellatrix look vulnerable. It elicited some deep desire to possess something rare and precious and so Narcissa grabbed her face, claiming her with heated kisses as she felt desperate, uneven breaths dust themselves against her lips.

…And then a loud wail was heard from the next room.

Narcissa noticeably froze.

Bellatrix’s eyes popped open then, her chest still heaving with unfulfilled desire, realization beginning to dawn on her as she finally began to pay attention to what was going on. “No, Cissy—come on, I was _so fucking close.”_

Narcissa’s lips pursed in apology as she looked down at her, knowing Bellatrix wasn’t going to be pleased with her priorities. “I can’t just _ignore my son,_ Bella. I’m sorry. It won’t take long,” she told her as she gently slipped the phallus she was wearing out of her sister, unclasping the harness so she could comfortably throw on a nightgown to check on Draco.

Bellatrix exhaled the most dramatic sigh, her eyes nearly rolling to the back of her skull as she looked up at the ceiling. “This is such shit. It would have been five _bloody_ seconds.”

Narcissa shot her an amused look. “You had four orgasms already; you’ll live.”

“That’s not the sodding point!”

Narcissa just rolled her eyes though as she headed into the nursery in the adjoining room. Draco was crying in his crib, having woken himself up, and Narcissa gently shushed him as she picked him up and checked his diaper. It was clean. Her eyebrows knitting, she wondered if he was hungry. But he couldn’t be, could he? He had just eaten before she put him down for a nap, and every book she had read said that she should be feeding him every three hours. It had only been an hour and a half.

Did she forget to burp him? Was he having gas pains?

No, of course she didn’t. Bellatrix had insisted she take a shower before they did anything solely because of the tiny bit of spit up in the blonde’s hair. Maybe he was just being fussy, or didn’t like that he woke up alone. Her lips creasing down into a frown, Narcissa gently rocked Draco in her arms and kissed the top of his forehead, ensuring him softly that she wasn’t going anywhere.

Which, of course, was going to be a problem as far as Bellatrix was concerned.

“What the fuck are you bringing him in here for?” Bellatrix asked as Narcissa reentered the room with a half-asleep infant nestled into her neck as Draco quickly began to settle down. Maybe he really was just lonely. Narcissa shot her sister a look of apology though, knowing Bellatrix wasn’t going to like this.

“I’m sorry, but Draco’s fussing. I think he woke up and saw I wasn’t there and got upset. I’m going to try to feed him again though just in case he’s still hungry, but I think he just wants to be near me right now,” Narcissa explained, feeling awful for having to interrupt their time together like this, especially considering they don’t have much of it anymore. Her eyes sweeping over her sister’s attire – or lack thereof – Narcissa’s face scrunched up a little as she requested, “And can you please put some clothes on? I really don’t want my son to know what you look like naked.” A beat. “Or even that we get naked _together_.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Bellatrix swore, sitting up in a frustrated huff as she grabbed the strap on that Narcissa had been previously wearing that she had tossed haphazardly on the bed, throwing it straight into the wooden closet door. The loud _bang_ woke Draco up again and he started to wail, causing Narcissa to cup his head in a protective manner as she shushed her son and gave her sister a dirty look. She understood that this wasn’t ideal, but did she really have to start throwing things around?

“Christ, this is so…” Bellatrix began in an irritated tone, however didn’t seem to know _what_ to classify this situation as, or at least didn’t want to say whatever it was out loud for some reason. Instead she just shook her head as she grabbed her robe, violently tying it around her waist, slightly wincing from whatever ailment was currently bothering her. “You know he’s a fucking infant, right?” she snapped instead. “He’s not gonna remember me naked, he’s not going to remember if you don’t jump up _right_ away every time he decides he wants attention; and honestly, if you really think he’s not gonna grow up to suspect something’s fucked off between us like literally _everyone else in our sodding lives,_ then you’re fucking delusional.”

Well that was just… alright, probably _very_ accurate considering the track record in their lives, but regardless. Let her have her delusions; at the very least, they save her sanity.

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore him when he needs me, Bella,” Narcissa tried to explain, this swirling feeling of guilt making it’s presence known in the pit of her stomach. She had promised Bellatrix that they would spend time together today, yet already she was fucking it up. Perhaps she should have hired a temporary caretaker, or maybe did it on a day Lucius was home so he could watch Draco in her stead.

Crossing the space between them, Narcissa reached out and gently cupped her sister’s cheek with her free hand. “I’m sorry, I really am. I swear to God, next time I’ll have Lucius watch Draco or something so we can spend some alone time together. I know you’ve been waiting, and I planned this poorly.” Softly dragging her thumb across the supple skin of her sister’s bottom lip, Narcissa gave Bellatrix her best adorably helpless look and asked in a small voice, “…Are you angry with me?”

Bellatrix just stared at her for a long moment before she exhaled a frustrated huff and averted her gaze. “No,” she told her, even though it was clear that, on some level, she still was. It made Narcissa love her more though, as she could tell how much Bellatrix hated having her time taken away from her by Draco. She loved Narcissa though, and knew how much Narcissa loved her son, so instead of screaming at her and storming off like she usually would, she was trying to deal with it.

Narcissa wished she could go down on her right now for it, but Draco was still fussing now that Bellatrix had woken him up again and so instead she gently bounced him up and down in her arms as she leaned in and placed a soft kiss against her sister’s lips. “I owe you,” she breathed. “And I promise you will _very_ much enjoy collecting that debt.”

“Oh, you _better_ fucking believe that, love.”

Narcissa smirked softly before stepping away from her sister, settling herself back down on the bed so she could have a better angle to feed Draco at. She doubted he was really hungry, but she still felt obligated to check. As she withdrew her breast from her robe and tried to coax Draco to take it in his mouth, she asked her sister, “You’re not leaving, are you? I know our fun was interrupted, but we might get some more time together before Lucius comes home.”

“What else do you think I have to do?”

Narcissa looked pointedly down towards her sister’s left forearm, causing the other woman to rub it protectively over her robes as she sighed softly. “You haven’t said anything in a while,” Narcissa reminded her, voice careful. “About the prophecy. About the child.”

“Lucius hasn’t told you?”

Narcissa shook her head. They didn’t talk about the war anymore; Narcissa knew she bore the news better when hearing it from her sister, even if Bellatrix wasn’t always the most delicate when it came to delivering it.

Narcissa shifted, taking her breast out of Draco’s mouth when she felt him begin to drift off again. She watched her sister bite the inside of her cheek in frustration before running her hands through her tousled hair. “Not much to tell,” she admitted. “We still don’t know who the fuck it is. We have a list of names, but somehow the Order found out and all of the children have been hidden. The Dark Lord believes there will be a ‘tell’ of sorts though, and has instructed us all to wait. He thinks the Order knows who it is, and that our mole will eventually get the name. I lack faith, however. That boy is as useless as he is fat, and his beady little eyes scream mistrust. Only an idiot would confide in such a person.”

Narcissa didn’t know who their mole was however, despite having been told the name before. She had never met him, so she didn’t know how he looked from a hole in the wall. Still, regardless of his apparent size, Bellatrix didn’t seem to think that waiting was the proper way to play this. And Narcissa was surprised that she also did not seem to just blindly agree with Voldemort anymore, although she still doubted that it would change much. In the end, Bellatrix would do each and every thing that was ordered to her.

“Did you tell him that?” Narcissa inquired, curious. She knew Bellatrix wouldn’t ever defy him, but it wouldn’t have been the first time that she voiced her opinion either.

Bellatrix looked at her like she was being thick. “You’re honestly asking me that? What do you think I’m keeping myself in pain now for, my bloody _health?”_

Narcissa blinked heavily, not understanding for a moment. And even when she _did_ get it, she still didn’t get it completely. She knew Bellatrix was at least _sore_ , for whatever reason, as she was a little stiff whenever they made love earlier, but she didn’t think it would be classified as real _pain._ It barely even looked like it bothered Bellatrix.

“What do you mean?” Narcissa asked, the confusion evident in her voice.

Bellatrix looked at her like she had to be stupid before she silently turned around and allowed the robe to fall downwards towards the middle of her back. Narcissa noticeably gasped. Her sister’s back looked like it had been badly burned, and Narcissa didn’t understand how she hadn’t noticed before. Bellatrix had been _topless_ , but had she ever turned around? She must not have, because that wasn’t something Narcissa would just _ignore._ It looked awful and it turned the blonde’s stomach as she quickly placed the sleeping infant that was in her arms down in the middle of the bed and rushed over to her sister’s side.

“Oh my God,” Narcissa breathed in horror, her hand gently hovering over the raw flesh on her sister’s back. She was afraid to touch it. “You just… you just _laid_ there while I… while we were— _Christ,_ Bella, why haven’t you bloody healed this yet? How is it not _bothering_ you?!”

She knew her sister had a high threshold for pain, but this was just _beyond…_

“I’m leaving it as a reminder to myself to just _shut the hell up_ sometimes,” Bellatrix responded, her tone a little defensive as she raised the robe back over her shoulders. “So yes, to answer your question, I did say something. I shouldn’t have. I’m trying to do that whole… learn and grow thing you always babble on about.”

Narcissa’s heart sank. She knew Voldemort hurt them sometimes as his rage was unmatched except by Bellatrix’s herself, but wasn’t she supposed to be his best lieutenant? Did she truly have no real voice? It was so terribly sad as Bellatrix _worshipped_ the man, but then again, Narcissa wasn’t surprised. Lucius had come home in worse shape than he left more often than he used to, but Narcissa always attributed it to the war, and not the Dark Lord’s anger that things weren’t going the way he wanted them to. Now, Narcissa wondered if his followers were simply becoming outlets for his rage, and that made her frightened for her sister and husband’s wellbeing.

She didn’t know how to express that though, at least in a way that would be received well, and so Narcissa just softly told her, “Bella… this is going to scar.”

“Some scars are good,” Bellatrix told her, looking down at the long scar in the middle of her palm that matched her sister’s.

“But these ones _aren’t,”_ Narcissa tried to rationalize, despite knowing it was doing about as good as it would if she just screamed aimlessly at a brick wall.

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

Narcissa hated that answer, and what’s more was that Bellatrix knew that, but at the end of the day, she knew she couldn’t separate Bellatrix from the thing that was slowly killing her. God knows she tried. So instead she just sadly pursed her lips, leaning down to press a gentle kiss on her sister’s shoulder.

It was a small comfort to be sure, but at the moment, it was the only one she had.

[x]

Gregory Goyle spit up into his mother’s hair.

“Oi, not again…!” Cassandra exclaimed with a frustrated sigh as she put her son down and got up from the circle in her parlor of infants and their mothers. “I swear, I don’t even know why I bother with the bloody cloth to burp ‘im. ‘E still turns his head every time, doesn’t ‘e? Lil’ bugger.”

“Little Vincent won’t even _burp,”_ the other woman in the room, Ursula Crabbe, interjected. Her tone was more of a snooty drawl, and in all honesty Narcissa couldn’t stand the sound of it. This was Cassandra’s gathering though, not her own; therefore, she really didn’t have much control over the guest list. “It all comes out the other end.”

Narcissa curled up her lip at that, knowing that certainly was not normal. She didn’t _know_ the woman though, and therefore decided to not interject. Instead she removed her breast from her son’s mouth and straightened the burping cloth on her shoulder. After only a few gentle pats he burped easily, causing the two other women to turn towards Narcissa sharply.

“Figures,” Cassandra said with an exaggerated sigh, still in the midst of cleaning the sick out of her hair while her son lay in the bassinet before her.  “Course you get the perfect one, yeah? Perfect son, perfect ‘usband, perfect life.” She didn’t really sound _jealous_ per say, but Cassandra definitely sounded a tad bit defeated about that.

Narcissa was about to assure her that she certainly was _not_ perfect, but she didn’t get a chance to.

“You think _she_ has the perfect life?” Ursula interjected, sounding a little amused. “Cassandra, darling, you and I both know you’ve heard the rumors.”

“ _Excuse_ me?” Narcissa shot back, placing Draco back in his bassinet as she stared at her friend’s _‘friend’._

“Oh, don’t make such a fuss,” Ursula brushed off, like Narcissa was silly to take offense to the fact that there had been _rumors_ about her. “We all know how rumors are in our society, darling, but we also know they come from a seed of truth. And if even _one_ of your seeds are true, dear, you’re certainly nowhere near perfect. I’d say that’s a good thing though; perfection, after all, is so _very_ hard to maintain. It sounds rather exhausting, if you ask me.”

Narcissa was expected to be insulted, and maybe she still was, but she really wasn’t entirely sure on the matter now. The way Ursula talked, it was like she was talking down to you, but in a way that wasn’t entirely mean. Was she making fun of her for the amount of effort she put into trying to make her life appear put together, or was she honestly telling her that it was okay not to be perfect? Narcissa honestly had no idea, and she really didn’t like it.

God _damn_ Cassandra for making her socialize with this dreadful woman; she really didn’t like her one bit.

She knew Cassandra had this dream of all their children, who are so close in age, growing up together and being best friends, but the chances of _that_ were slim. Their children were merely infants now, who knows what kind of people they would grow up to be? They may not even _like_ one another. Of course Narcissa did hope that at least Draco and Gregory would get along, but she could take or leave the Crabbe child. Just because Cassandra was attached, didn’t mean _she_ had to be.

“Excuse me for a moment, dears; I need go to powder my nose. Cassandra, darling, you’ll watch Vincent for a moment, won’t you?” Ursula asked as she rose from her seat, handing her child over to Cassandra, who had only just finished getting most of the sick out of her hair. She looked a little taken aback for a moment but did take Vincent into her arms as Ursula strode out of the room like she was trying to walk on bloody air.

Narcissa shot her friend a ‘you have got to be _kidding_ me’ kind of look. “Where the bloody hell did you find _her?”_

Gregory started to fuss in his crib, so Cassandra exhaled a small sigh and picked up her son, holding him in one arm while her other was firmly around the other boy. Her hair was all in disarray and she looked like she hadn’t had a good night sleep in days. Narcissa felt a little bad; Draco was such an easy child, but that also made her wonder if that meant he’d be more difficult when he was older. She hoped not.

“Leave ‘er be; think she’s just nervous, bein’ ‘round you an’ all.”

“You mean she doesn’t normally talk like a pompous arse? _Shocking,”_ Narcissa noted dryly. She wasn’t surprised; many socialites trained themselves to talk that way. It was usually reserved for the older crowd though, and Narcissa was only twenty-five, which made Cassandra and her little friend twenty-three.

Still, it wasn’t as though Narcissa hadn’t gone through that phase herself. When she had gotten out of the hospital after she had gotten married, she had been trying to teach herself to speak and act more refined. In the end though, Bellatrix had snuffed that out really quick by constantly making fun of her. Some of it still seemed to linger, but perhaps that was just her naturally growing into an adult. Narcissa was uncertain, but what she _was_ certain about was that Ursula was far too young to be talking like her Aunt Walburga.

“But I still don’t see why she should be nervous around _me,”_ Narcissa continued as she stood, extending her arms so she could take Gregory from Cassandra. She looked a bit overwhelmed, and Draco was already fast asleep in his bassinet. “Here, let me.”

Cassandra looked noticeably relieved as she passed her son over to her friend. The child was still fussing and Narcissa held him to her chest, gently bouncing him in her arms as she quietly shushed him. Gregory had his mother’s eyes, but the rest of him was most certainly his father. It was unfortunate, but Cassandra seemed to love the little thing, so she refrained from commenting.

“’Cause you’re my best friend, Cissa,” Cassandra responded like it was obvious. “She feels outta place, y’know? I’ve talked ‘bout you a whole lot, but we’ve never ‘ung out. Lotta pressure for her; the first time.”

“Yeah, well, she’d make a much better impression if she didn’t sound so fucking snooty all the time.”

“’Er mum’s like that,” Cassandra explained as she watched little Vincent begin to chew on his teething ring in her arms. “All prim an’ proper an’ the like; tells her she needs to be like that if she ever wants respect. ‘Sides, its ‘ow she won over her ‘usband, after all.”

Narcissa’s upper lip curled at that, but she didn’t have a chance to respond as that was when Ursula reentered the room. Still, that didn’t stop her from silently wondering what kind of man would want their young wife to sound in her late fifties. She _knew_ Vincent Crabbe Sr, but she didn’t really _know_ know him. Lucius still hung out with him and Peter Goyle to this day, but Narcissa made a point to never be around. She didn’t really like them.

In all honestly, she didn’t really like _any_ of Lucius’ friends. Even Severus, who wasn’t really a _bad_ man per say, just rubbed her the wrong way sometimes. Mostly it was due to her (possibly) irrational fear that Severus was in love with her husband. She knew Lucius didn’t believe him to be gay, but when Severus was a child he followed Lucius around like a puppy. Why else would he do that, unless there was an underlying sexual or emotional desire?

Because _hell,_ look at Cassandra and her.

It, to be entirely fair, didn’t go very far or anything between them, but it could have. Narcissa was _very_ into the fact that Cassandra worshipped her, and the other woman was obviously very physically attractive. If not for the fact that they both ended up pregnant and starting families, it probably would have gone as far as actually sleeping together, and that worried Narcissa a little. Not just because of her own apparent lack of self-control, but because she didn’t know how much Lucius and Severus had.

But maybe she was just projecting.

Maybe she was just jealous that Lucius didn’t want to spend every single waking moment with _her,_ and actually entertained friends.

Who knew. Either way, Narcissa didn’t like it, and so she purposely stayed away when Lucius was with ‘the boys’. Out of sight, out of mind. Besides, Lucius used to make a big fuss about gay people when he was younger, so it was probably doubtful that he was even the slightest bit bisexual.

Or at least she hoped… despite how terribly hypocritical that sounded.

[x]

“I swear to God, if I have to spend another _bloody_ day with that woman, I’m going to scream.”

“Then don’t _go,”_ Bellatrix told her, sounding bored with her sister’s whining over Cassandra’s invitation, that no doubt included Ursula’s presence. “Good Lord, some of us have _actual_ bloody problems, and yet here you are complaining about having tea with some socialite prat.” She waved her wand in the air, emitting an array of colorful sparks that caused Draco to squeal with delight and clap his hands. The child reached for his aunt’s wand then, causing Narcissa to sit up straighter in her chair.

“Don’t!” she warned her sister, not wanting her to be foolish enough to let Draco touch it. “The last time he got ahold of Lucius’ wand, he nearly blew a hole in the sodding wall.”

“Least you know he’s not a squib,” Bellatrix rationalized, but did as she was told and kept it out of her nephew’s reach. And while yes, that did end up making Narcissa feel _infinitely_ better considering that meant Draco at least had _some_ magic inside of him, she wasn’t quite keen on having to remodel another part of the house.

“Honestly though, I’ll never understand how your little circle can just carry on like the whole bloody world isn’t falling to pieces around you; I’d say it’s impressive, but it’s probably just ignorance,” Bellatrix continued, standing up from her spot on the floor in front of Draco, making the boy cry because he didn’t get her wand, or his way. He was oddly attached to Bellatrix, and truth be told, Narcissa was endlessly glad that now that he was getting older, her sister had at least found some weird entertainment in him. She liked to do frivolous glamour spells to make his eyes light up, but she also got bored with him just as easily.

Like now.

Narcissa sighed softly and got off her chair, gathering her son in her arms. “Draco, darling, you’ll have your very own wand when you’re older, I promise, but that one is Auntie Bella’s.”

“Muhhh!” Draco yelled through his tears, which was his way of saying ‘mine’. It was his first and only word thus far, which was a tad bit disappointing. Narcissa had really hoped that it would have been ‘mama’, but it wasn’t as though she could control these things.

“He has your sense of entitlement, at least,” Bellatrix commented with an amused smirk as she flopped into the large armchair in the corner of the parlor, causing Narcissa to shoot her a sideways glare.

“Perhaps, but I am _not_ ignorant,” Narcissa told her whilst trying to calm her crying son with one of his favorite toys that she picked up off the dresser. Draco just threw it to the ground though and continued to wail harder, causing Narcissa to gently sigh. “I just refuse to allow my son to grow up in a world that’s full of violence and chaos. He doesn’t need to know what’s going on outside of these walls. Cassandra feels the same way.”

“Well, if precious _Cassandra_ feels that way…” Bellatrix drawled with an exaggerated eye roll. Narcissa didn’t dignify that with an answer though, as Bellatrix had already been told countless times that her jealousy of her was irrational.

Even though it wouldn’t have been at one point, but she definitely did _not_ need to know that.

“Ugh, how can you stand that sound? Honestly, his voice is about as annoying as Lucius’,” Bellatrix exclaimed before she waved her wand, effectively stealing Draco’s voice. Narcissa rounded on her in horror.

“Bella! What the hell do you think you’re _doing?!”_

“Saving us both from a migraine,” Bellatrix responded carelessly, idly twirling her wand between her fingers as she stared her sister down with both brows raised, as if _daring_ her to oppose her decision.

Draco looked panicked now that he wasn’t making sounds despite his best efforts, and he kept swinging his arms as his face began to turn red. He was trying too hard, and it was scaring Narcissa. “ _Give him his voice back!”_ she screeched at her sister. “Can’t you bloody see he’s terrified that he can’t hear himself anymore?! _Bella!”_

“Christ, _fine;_ you don’t need to bloody shriek at me, _”_ Bellatrix responded with a huff, allowing her wand to twirl once more as she did another nonverbal spell. Draco’s voice came back with a piercing shriek, but it seemed to scare the hell out of the boy as he automatically shut his mouth, unable to fathom what had just happened. His eyes were as wide as saucers. “Well, I guess that was one way to do it.”

“Oh my god, you are _horrific_ sometimes,” Narcissa seethed, turning her back on her sister momentarily as she tried to comfort her son. “It’s okay, my darling boy, you’re okay… Auntie Bella was just playing a trick on you, but she won’t do it anymore, I promise…”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes.

“You smother him; some space would do the boy some good,” she mentioned, as though she were in any way qualified to comment on _anyone’s_ style of parenting. “If you don’t let go a little, Cissy, he’s gonna turn into a huge spoiled prat, mark my words.”

“He’s _nine months old_ , Bella!”

Draco was still a baby; it wasn’t as though she were breathing down his neck when he was nine _years_ old. He needed his mother right now, and she would be damned if she let Bellatrix get into her head about it. What did she know anyway? She couldn’t have kids of her own, and thank _goodness_ for that, if this was the bloody result!

“Smothering is smothering, Cissy.”

Narcissa turned on her heel, facing her sister with an irritated look on her face. “Are you here for an actual _reason,_ or would you like to leave? Because I could be alright with the latter.”

“Ohhh, touchy,” Bellatrix responded, sounding as though she were poking fun at her. It infuriated Narcissa even more. Still, she had more important things to attend to now and placed her son back in his playpen. He still seemed kind of rattled and so Narcissa bent down and gave him Mr. Niffler, hoping that the stuffed animal would comfort him. Draco sniffled a few times as he gathered the toy into his arms, the tears on his cheeks beginning to dry.

Thank god. She didn’t need Bellatrix scarring her child for life.

“I… actually need a favor.”

Narcissa turned her head so suddenly she nearly got whiplash. Her sister’s voice was no longer mocking, but sincere and serious, which nearly made Narcissa laugh. She had the audacity to ask for a favor after _that?_

“And I need you to leave; guess which one is actually going to happen?”

“Narcissa, I’m serious,” Bellatrix responded as she got up from her seat, using her sister’s whole name this time to indicate just _how_ serious this actually was. Narcissa barely cared though. “This concerns Lucius; or rather, the company that he keeps, which you know can end up damning him just the same.”

Alright, now she was caring a bit more.

Glancing down at Draco in his play pen and seeing that he seemed involved in his toy for the moment, Narcissa turned back to her sister and stood, meeting her sister’s gaze. “You have two minutes.”

“I expect he told you that Snape recently got a teaching position at Hogwarts.”

Narcissa stared at her sister, not understanding why this was important. “Yeah, so?”

“Do you know why?”

Narcissa shot her sister a look like she was being thick. “I can hazard a guess,” she responded dryly, because of _course_ she understood why; she knew that Severus was a Death Eater and that Dumbledore was rumored to be part of the Order. It seemed obvious that he was sent to spy, although why the Dark Lord didn’t provide a more suitable candidate, Narcissa wasn’t sure. Severus was academically useful, yes, but he didn’t seem cunning enough to pull off deception of that magnitude.

“Well I don’t trust him,” Bellatrix told her bluntly, sounding legitimately concerned. “I don’t think he has the bloody stones to pull this off, and you and I both know how smart and conniving Dumbledore is. If he turns him against us, we’re _fucked.”_

Narcissa’s brow rose. “You honestly think he might?” She didn’t think much of Severus, but she did at least believe him to be a loyal person.

“I don’t know, I may just be paranoid,” Bellatrix admitted, which was actually kind of big of her; Bellatrix never liked admitting that she was uncertain about _anything_. “This whole bloody war’s got my head on backwards; I tortured Pettigrew not too long ago because I thought he turned against us, which was why the Order knew to hide the children. He didn’t break though, and the prat doesn’t have much of a spine. If he had done it, I would have gotten it out of him.”

“Bella… I may not know much about Severus personally, but I _do_ know that he practically worships Lucius,” Narcissa told her, trying to ease her worries. “I really don’t think he’ll turn; if not for the Dark Lord, then for Lucius. They’ve been friends forever.”

“I know the kid practically sucks your husband’s cock day in and day out; that’s my point, and _why_ I need you to keep an eye on him when he’s around.”

Narcissa nearly choked on her own breath at her sister’s description of her husband’s relationship with the other man. “Jesus, ew— _Bella,_ don’t say things like that; it’s not funny!” Bellatrix, however, smirked a little at the blonde’s reaction.

“You’re actually a little afraid that he has before, aren’t you?”

“ _No!”_ Narcissa firmly exclaimed, nearly stomping her foot in protest. “Lucius isn’t a _fag,_ Bella—”

Bellatrix looked at her pointedly. “Harsh words coming from someone who hated being called a ‘dyke’.”

Narcissa swallowed the rest of her words, her cheeks turning pink in shame as she looked away from her sister. Perhaps that _was_ uncalled for. “All I’m _saying,”_ Narcissa responded, her voice much too level now, “is that Lucius isn’t into men, no matter what I’m afraid that Severus may or may not want from him. Regardless, that isn’t the point. I don’t know how you expect me to keep an eye on him when I’m never around when they spend time together.”

“Then _be around,”_ Bellatrix demanded, making the pit of Narcissa’s stomach swirl with unease. She didn’t like spying; she didn’t like to be _involved._ “Please, Cissy, this is important. I have far too much on my plate right now to do this myself, and if you’d like a swift end to this war so your son can grow up in peace, then I need you to do this. In the end, it may just be my own paranoia; but I have to know. Do you understand?”

Of course Narcissa understood, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.

She just really hoped Bellatrix was wrong because if she wasn’t, this war was going to start spilling into the safety of her own home, whether she liked it or not.

**TBC…**

 


End file.
